Man, this suuucks.

Well said, that man!

I totally feel you on this. Before I was out I worked with preschoolers and felt a lot more comfortable picking up the littles ones and carrying them and now the idea of being overly affectionate with the kids makes me worried I’ll be seen as a predator. When I teach (elementary school aged) kids in the summer I also am very conscious to keep a big distance from especially the young girls because I know it can be perceived as creepy, to just like be speaking to a child as a man

That sucks, I'm sorry. :(

This is sad. My brother has a male friend who worked in a day care that his son attended. A male day care worker can make such a positive effect on both sexes. But especially boys who may not have a father/male figure in their lives.

I feel this in reverse, when I was presenting male I always felt that pressure to speak up and I was forced out of my shy shell by social groups, now that I am presenting female I can be more comfortable in being reserved and soft spoken because it is viewed neutrally rather than in a bad light.

@@steruset3590 rlly? sounds great, im happy for you that it got better :)

Brooo sameeee

As a woman I feel like men don't take what I say seriously whether I am outspoken or not. If I say too little I'm submissive and weak, if I say too much I'm crazy and emotional for some reason, and of course I'm always illogical or confused and innately self-centered because I am a woman.

naryainc Holy crap... This is the most accurate description of talking “out of line” as a woman. When in reality it’s not actually out of line, people just don’t want to admit to their own faults and actions. I get called illogical all time because I can be emotional? I’m human. I sympathize/empathize with everyone as much as I can. It’s better to understand someone and be calm instead of being crazy and hotheaded. It’s funny because, atleast in my experience, it’s usually men that start fights with each other and yell vulgar things. Yes, women can be vindictive but men can be just as bad. Unless someone is actually giving off vibes that they’re predatory (and yes, they do give off those vibes).. there is no reason to be ashamed of complimenting the other gender. There is no reason to hide when you find someone attractive. And you shouldn’t have to be scared to be around kids.. Kids are our future. There is no one better to teach them then someone that had to fight tooth and nail to be who they are. Btw Brie Larson does have a nice butt so does Chris.

Underrated comment! Calling a spade a spade

I can relate to this

I was in Girl Scouts and I definitely come across this issue sometimes. I usually just refer to it as “the Scouts” and let people assume it was Cub Scouts or Boy Scouts lol. Idk if there’s a similar gender neutral term you could use though.

Like the person below, I say scouts or depending on the story (like selling Girl Scout cookies) I pretend I was volunteering to help my sister’s troop (technically true)

Same only boyscouts here. You just got to ommit certain parts.

So many times I want to speak about summers in a girls cabin but then I have to get into the whole thing.

I realized how different this gets read at 22ish at my first job working with children as a behavior therapist. I had a busy day and was trying to organize a meeting place in the community with one of my male supervisors. I asked about a park that was next to his location and half way between two places I needed to be. He told me he would prefer not to meet at a park right after school gets out because as a man it is weird for him to sit in his car or on a bench at a park at that time. I had never even contemplated that. I took breaks between appointments to enjoy my lunch or read a book at parks all the time and really didn't consider whether I had a child with me or not, or whether the park was heavily populated by kiddos right out of school or not. It is really sad considering how predators can be any gender/expressions as he said.

My dad was a single father and had to deal with crap like that all the time. It got really bad when one person at our church started spreading rumors about him. We didn't go there for very long.

i hate that predators have ruined normal guys' ability to openly adore children that aren't their own like i really feel for dudes who just wish they could make funny faces at a kid to make them laugh or even just smile and wave at them but because of predators pretending to be this kind of person it's almost impossible to know who is genuinely a friendly dude or who has awful ulterior motives especially when it comes to men :(

My husband is “lead parent”, and he gets all kinds of side eye when he takes our son to the park, science museum, or other kid focused places

The only thing society is more disgusted by than seeing a dad not take care of their kid is seeing a dad that does take care of their kid.

Dang

This right here sucks so much! I hope that society always keeps changing and improving (we can take part in that!) so that people like your dad don't need to stop being themselves just for how it is viewed

it makes me so happy when men of color interact with my son! I hate that he feels like that :(

I always smile and wave at kids I have had no issue I don’t push it to much like I will be reading on a train glance up at the kid making faces at me and smile an wave I am shot look young and use a cane though so I think the fact I’m usually in a handicapped space helps though

That’s so sad! :(

Wow, that's interesting thanks for sharing that! I definitely recall a fuzzy boundary between ages in boyhood where you're supposed to not be crying anymore. Like, if I was just in public bawling, I'd definitely try to hide. The only thing society sees in a crying man is emotional instability, and the only emotion men are supposed to express is violence... So, I guess a man crying is interpreted as just a moment away from a threat. Not to be melodramatic, but it is a sad realization as a boy that all the magical things about being a whole, rounded, expressive, open human being are expected to be paved over and calcified. ☹️✌️🙃

Do you live in a very friendly place? I live in New England and am now wondering if I give off "don't come near be vibes" or if people are more prone to ignore each other where I live. The times I have been visibly upset in public I was definitely not offered any concern or help, but I was always embarrassed too, and assumed it was just the stand-offish culture that kept people away.

@@inkythinky = Yes!... I lived in New England for only 2 years and moved back towards the south (despite the whole reason I moved away being related = superficial hospitality masking underlying judgement/prejudice)... But up that far north, it seems it is not just the weather that is cold!!! 😆 People are very blunt, stand-offish, and sometimes just plain rude (from DC upward, until you reach Maine, where they mellow back out).

Guess being a woman is cooler sorry :(

@@BlairMountainNetwork lol you have a fair point! The one time I visited "the south," I noticed my normally pretty severe social anxiety at almost nil. But you might have the wrong idea about Maine. Mellow? Yes. Welcoming to outsiders? Not so much. 😅

I love this comment

I was sorta similar. I was what some would call a tomboy, and I never spoke about crushes or shit like that, and my mum would always say “it’s ok if you like girls” and shit like that, and insinuate I was a lesbian. A few years later (last year) I came out as a trans guy, pan romantic, and asexual. I thought my family would be fairly supportive, that was not the case. My mum keeps saying it’s a phase, and I’ll grow out of it, my dad pretends I never came out, and my brother wasn’t really filled in on any of the details. So I’m constantly being called a girl, and I know my mum sees that it makes me uncomfortable, yet she doesn’t stop. She also sent me to therapy that she’s paying $220 for, but she speaks to the therapist, giving her false information about me, and the therapist just uses the 50 minutes left of the 1 hour session to talk about shit that I already know. But I’m trying to get a job, as I’ve only just turned the legal age, and sure, it may be minimum wage, but saving money now, gets me closer to top surgery and moving out of this house after I finish school.

I had to say I am the same way here as a gay man I can go both ways I don't think anyone really cared and that's how I am towards others because I don't care what someone's hobbies are just as long as your a decent person

Like I can also shoot weapons and know how to clean a gun and gut a fish but I also like to and enjoy crocheting as well

"I was always a tomboy and people constantly insinuated that I might be trans or a lesbian" Sadly a lot of girls go through transitioning because they're convinced, wrongly, that they're trans. They're just boyish. Nothing wrong with being a bit boyish. Doesn't make you non-binary or trans. Just a bit boyish. I even think it can be kinda cute. The whole "gender non-comformity" thing is another can of worms people tend to get into when they're "trying to figure out" who they are. Eventually people tend to come to realise that it's a fucking pointless conversation to have.

Yes! This is a very good rule. In the times when I do compliment people, I try very hard to stick to this.

@@jackisnotabird Yep! By the way, I just got your book on audible and it was so good!! I related to it a lot even though I'm nonbinary. It gave me the courage to come out to my best friends and it feels so good to be referred to by Ollie :)

Thats some sound advice. I usually avoid complimeting things that you dont have control over because as a closeted trans guy people complimenting my feminine attributes always made me uncomfortable

This is reassuring. I really love it when people have crazy, cool, dyed hair, and that's probably the compliment I give out most (alongside compliments on people's outfits) Sometimes I get a little anxious about coming off as creepy or sleezy, but I feel like what I'm complimenting plus my general attitude and phrasing when I give the compliment makes it less weird.

Would it be wrong to compliment someone's eyes then?

I have a similar issue. I have what I call my Dad Voice. Deep and it booms a little more than I'd like. But the kids understand it's only used when they're in trouble.... I don't have anyone to really teach me how to soften my voice... It's nice to know I'm not alone.

As a non neuroptypical cis man I get that a lot. I mention non neurotypical because I tend to talk excitedly just normally, but I have a deep voice and a barrel chest so I have to put almost no wind behind my voice to make it very loud. I've spent my late teenage and early adult years learning how to talk "normally" and having to constantly police my own tone of voice because I can easily scare others by "yelling" when I'm just not trying to make myself quiet.

Its good to see alot of your misinterpretations and misconceptions of masculinity be overcome. Its an important piece to the puzzle.

The voice thing tho! I’m a cis white male, and I struggle with that line sometimes. I have a sort of natural intensity that I have to monitor. If I’m too tired and let it slip or I’m too focused on a problem at work instead of constantly listening to myself speak, people think I’m unreasonably angry. If I’m having a super anxious day and end up nerfing to far the other way, I come across as condescending. Which triggers my anxiety when I realize, then I compensate with facial expressions to try and convey more correctly my emotions so I end up sending out baffling indecipherable signals that people just take as creepy and or threatening. First time watcher by the way. Great video, very thoughtful and insightful. Seriously, the male space is only improved by your presence.

Cis woman here. The trick to not sounding pissed (or, rather, controlling the pissed off level) is to flatten your voice, too. It takes the shrill/dental drill aspect out. Plus getting older. In my teens and 20s, I could raise my voice, and it was “ohhh, so cuuute...look at the “girl.” Now in my 50s, I have to curb the “Karen note”, so flattening the pitch along with a slight deepening helps. It’s a note of gravity. Slow, measured words help, too. Sound in control.

That's beautiful. Please keep being the "least straight straight person" 😅 Toxic masculinity is not a good look. 🤢

Heck yeah, be yourself

It's quite sad that people think personality traits and sexuality are the same thing.

"gender norms" gets mentioned enough for me to think that it has to actually be a thing... over in the States or some shit. Because I still don't get what it's supposed to be.

@@angel1812 well I agree with you that is a very awesome thing that this person is comfortable with cool with but you know I think being masculine is fine with toxic masculinity no There’s no need for that

Oh he totally looks like a snazzy poet

He has gorgeous hair. I love it. 💕

Omg so I'm not the only one who thinks that haha :D

Yes this thank you. I love this hair style on him

Agree! Keep the quarantine hair, don’t shave it off!

Mhmmm. Definitely do what makes you feel great with your hair, but completely and utterly unrelated to what is good for any individual, my personal aesthetic preference has *al-ways* been that I find longer hair on men incredibly attractive.

lUvsUngU *cough* Matthew Mercer *cough*

TheAnythingGuy//TAG hell yeah

Some people don't transition till their 70s! Theres no such thing as too old or too late for being happy and being yourself :)

I was in my thirties, and that was decades ago. Success has nothing to do with age.

I told my mother I’m starting T and she thought that if my boyfriend broke up with me I would only date girls. I definitely like guys still mom lol.

Numerous people assumed the same thing when I told them I was transitioning ftm recently. They were surprised that even though I have only ever been into guys, I would still be into guys. My mother seemed to think the only reason to transition was to date women. Like you couldn't just be lesbian or bi and leave your gender as it is.

wow that’s really interesting thanks for sharing your experiences !

Yes of course, that's obvious, right? I m a woman, and I m much more loving and affectionate with my male gay friends, because it won't seem like I fancy them. Whereas with my straight male friends and lesbian friends I ll be less affectionate, in order to avoid any potential confusion. I m very aware of this, and have long since figured out that that's the reason I want to know people's sexuality, because it informs thr level of affection I display.

@@stefanieastrid I was thinking that in the story that the friend of a friend just didn't want to think of them as trying to take advantage of the situation and catch a feel vs accidentally being to close an accidentally grazing them. I also wouldn't be surprised if it happened to them previously

Your interactions with friends still depend on if they’re comfortable and have consented to certain types of touch. Many women have been inappropriately touched and groped by gay men who think they’re allowed to touch them because they’re not sexually attracted to them. There’s still boundaries. There’s still respect to women’s bodies. Gay men can still participate in misogyny. Not saying you did this; just trying to make some people aware of that.

I think im more comfortably with gay men because I’ve noticed that I can act just as freely (and be myself) as I do around my female friends. I like to flirt joke a lot with my friends, and im generally affectionate with others. Many guys take that as i want them(which i can kinda understand), but has also at times started to stalk me, even if I explain im not interested, or tries to manipulate me into a relationship...which sucks. If i 100% know they’re not interested, it lets me be me without risking putting myself in danger

Ive noticed most people see a bi woman as hot or a whore, and a bi man as disgusting or pedophile, (not everyone obviously) and i was never really sure why people got "i sleep around" from "I'm open to a relationship with either gender"

@@courtnrysalamone7677 Yep, exactly. It's frustrating, just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean I'm promiscuous. And regardless, who cares? As long as you're doing it safely, with consent, and not to the detriment of yourself or others... what business is it of anyone's who you sleep with?

@@azyraphae exactly my point haha

@@courtnrysalamone7677 Yes! It's not like being by makes you polyamorous by default, just like being straight doesn't have to mean you're monogamous

@@ApequH well put.

That sucks that your coworker is condescending to you. That is the absolute most annoying thing imo about living as a woman, how (stupid!) men think they know better than you. As for the being more proactive at work comment, I actually had never thought about this before but I (ftm) recently started a customer service job and they are super on my case about being the best possible cashier I can be, and I thought it was weird because I’ve only seen them say that to me and one other guy, even though there are lots of young people (and young women working there). Your comment now has me wondering if being male is the reason theyre so focused on me?

To be honest, a lot of females will take a compliment from a female way better than one from a male. Now that you transitioned, you don't seem as intimidating and you don't seem like you're only complimenting us to get in our pants... that's my opinion. I've totally misread so many females trying to flirt with me as just them being nice. Heck, I've even playfully flirted with girls and such because as a female, that's just what we do. Just try not to overthink it. It may have come off as creepy before your transition, but now it's just a compliment for anyone who isn't reading too much into it. I guess it also comes off as weird and awkward if you feel awkward doing it, so compliment with confidence.

@@AliciaBrownSugar you've "playfully flirted with girls"? Are you attracted to girls? If not, I'm confused. I get complimenting and like, gushing over another girl's clothes, hair, style, body (but not in a sexual way), etc. But straight up flirting? That seems like a lesbian thing to do to me. (I should know since I am lesbian 😅) Maybe we have different definitions of flirting, to me flirting entails sexual or romantic intentions.

@@angel1812 my best friends and I used to jokingly use flirty language "Ooh, look at you! Sexy!!!" "Hot stuff!" type of stuff, not "I want to throw you on the bed and screw you all night" type of flirting. Friendly girly flirting, not actual sexual intent flirting. Even family members would say stuff like that. You're not going to say my sister and aunts were sexually attracted to me, now are you? Just because we can have fun using flirty language, especially in front of guys, doesn't make us prefer that gender. It was just fun and funny. Sorry I didn't specify, not random girls, just people in my close friend circle.

@@AliciaBrownSugar ok, haha that makes more sense. For some reason my brain just went straight to assuming you meant random girls. And my definition of flirting is basically like hitting on them, trying to get with them, so that's what I assumed. 😅

whats it like?

@@valenz1234 Hmm you mean the experience overall? I think it added a layer to my transition because not only was I transitioning to being perceived as a man, I was also automatically transitioned to being perceived as a gay man. So it was almost two different experiences, changing how people perceive me as a straight woman to a gay man lol. Thankfully my partner has been great through it all and we live somewhere that is pretty LGBT friendly. I hope that answered your question!

@@aliselman3834 being gay is not for straight people like you to dress up in. You're not a man, just a m u t i l a t e d woman.

Ugh hate that. Next time ask the security person if they know where it went haha

Omg I know exactly what you mean, once me and my friend (both boys in our late teens at the time) were in a Superdrug just looking for the best combination of moisteriser, face scrub, blackhead remover and face masks (the healing kind, this was pre-covid) and it was taking us a VERY long time as there were a lot of options and we were very indicisive. It genuinely took us over 40 minutes of walking around and discussing the different properties, possible combinations, whether they would be good on sensitve skin and the prices etc before we finally came to a decision. The WHOLE TIME the shop's one security guard (who had been guarding the entrance when we came in) was staring right at us, completely ignoring other shoppers and following us close behind wherever we went. It was like he thought that if he took his eyes off us for just a split second we would pocket something. It made us feel horrible, particularly as we're both people who never steal, and the fact that he obviously distrusted us so much just from his assumptions that he would follow us for over 40 MINUTES while we non-stopped talked about the products in a way that made it obvious we were planning on buying them really made me question how society viewed me. I always knew that people distrusted teenagers, especially male teens, but before then whenever people would first be worried upon seeing me, it wouldn't take them long in my vicinity for them to realise that I'm a total softie who would be too anxious to ever commit a crime, let alone actually want to bc I empathise far too much with people to risk doing something that could cause a problem for someone else (same with my friend). Anyway long story short, neither of us are ever shopping there again, and creepily following while staring down paying customers for 40 mins is not a great marketing strategy. Plus if 2 people are spending that long talking about the products they are probably going to buy them. Surprise! Some teen boys want to buy face care products! It's almost like teen boys are capable of getting spots! Who knew????

Arguably, teenage boys are the ones most in need of face skin care. My poor acne bois

Not gonna lie I'm way too petty for dealing with this as calm and collected as you all did. I'd probably have tried chatting the security up, asking them 'So you looking for face products too?'' or some other dumb shit or just to be extra petty I would've stayed for hours just to waste the security guards time

I think parents have an instinct to protect their children from danger, but we live in a time when children are actually in far less danger than has ever been the case. The instinct remains though, so parents naturally see all dangers exagerated. They live in a world where all drivers are drunk, all edged objects have vorpal sharpness, and every bush conceals a child molester.

As a AMAB, I learned not to compliment anyone. Women will think I'm being a perv (which I understand why, they have every right to be cautious, even if I'm not into women at all). And if I compliment a man, he just thinks I'm a gay creep trying to hit on him, especially since I am not masculine at all. So, no compliments from me.

Makes me not want to go through this 😬 I got enough sht in my life to add more on top of that

Society largely seems to believe that a male and female can’t be friends and if they do perfectly innocent things like hug or hold hands or even sit “too close” to each other it must mean you are or are trying to pursue something. A girl can hug a guy and vice versa purely because they are friends

@@theedenadventures gosh i wish i can just hug my guy friends platonically, bcs sometimes i just want to hug them when they feel sad :(

I get that. I too spent a lot of time figuring out how to relate to people and function as not-awkward and a lot of that meant taking on mannerisms, vocal inflections, and even interests that I observed in girls/women. Definitely still have trouble shaking some that give me dysphoria on occasion, but others I have found I don't care about because I can be a man on my own terms. I hear you on the intimidation and won't deny that it'll be tough and frustrating sometimes, but I believe in you and believe you'll grow in confidence over time. I think I'm way more confident and less awkward as a guy than I ever was when I presented as a girl.

hey i understand you. i get that female innocence thing. i feel the same i think. im only 17 and i really am shy. when i represented as a girl, people thought it was cute and sweet. now that everyone sees me as a boy, that changed. out of a sudden i have to man up or speak up for myself more often. and if i am shy, people think its weak and awkward.

Jackson Bird 😭😭 you replied wow thank you for the vote of confidence !! i really appreciate it and i love your videos

Don’t do it , this isn’t a cure all.

@@porkchoppeaches so close! You're right, it isn't a cure, because there's nothing wrong with op or his identity.

Yeah, she is.

oui

no she's not

Eh...kinda

She definitely is

@ÖC Oh yeah for sure that's what I think happened. I just wish he had considered how it looked to me. I kept looking back at him, afraid, and I dont think he put together what I was afraid of. And a lot of guys don't. They just aren't told, you know? No one's fault, just one scary walk

No, a lot of us know and feel bad about it but there isn't much we can really do. Should guys purposely take a longer path? Should we stop and wait until you're out of view? Trying to go faster to pass you up would probably make you feel worse, and you'd go faster so he doesn't pass you. If he says something like "Don't worry I'm not trying to hurt you" you'd probably actually call 9-11. It's really an unfortunate situation where both people will feel uncomfortable.

@@EddJM You know, I was actually thinking along these lines. I asked myself "Well, what should he have done?" And you're right, there aren't any good options, really. It just kind of sucks. Thanks for your perspective, it makes a lot of sense

@@EddJM Society today has done this to themselves. No wonder everyone is confused and awkward around other people. No one is socialized anymore and everyone takes to victim-hood like it is a religion. Media tries to convince you that all men are predatory. This makes you fear them. Men are told pretty much if they open their mouth , they are wrong or imposing their privilege onto someone else. So the man keeps his mouth shut for fear anything he says will be taken the wrong way and around the tree we go never advancing in Society. Maybe they had it right in the past. I heard stories from my Great grandma about how she and my Great Grandpa met and courted, her words. It would have gone like this. Good evening, nice night out isn't it. It looks like we are going the same way, mind if I walk with you? It is kind of unsettling being out hear alone and I really think there is safety in numbers or something like that. To here my grandma tell it, my grandpa was a perfect gentleman and always tried to make people feel at ease.

sorry hear, and here are reversed. stupid sentence word suggestion crap.

Please look for peers who don't buy the bullshit that male friends shouldn't casually touch their friends www.artofmanliness.com/articles/bosom-buddies-a-photo-history-of-male-affection/ Touch starvation really is super unhealthy.

I dont think if u mean men with other men, or men being unable to share casual affection with other women and peoole in general. personally, Plenty of my male friends are physically affectionate towards me especially if I'm opening up or taking about something that makes me feel vulnerable/uncomfortable, hugs and holding hands/knees etc isnt out of the ordinary in these situations for me. And I do appreciate it. The only thing that shocks me is the fact that anybody would care but that's a whole other story lmao. Of course I think it depends maybe how close you are and where your boundaries are and I feel like the current gen of adolescents are more likely to be a lot less touchy maybe bc of anxiety, hyperawareness? Idk

I feel this one. I was already really bad with social skills to begin with, so navigating platonic touch was already difficult. But at least as a woman it happened sometimes. Obviously it's covid now, but before that, I was already firmly in a male role, so touching other people in general was already starting to feel weird. I don't know what to do or how to fix it.

Oh big time, in my friend groups my guy mates can give each other a hug, but only as a goodbye gesture. It just doesn’t happen and it’s definitely more of bro hug. It’s nice and a chill guy thing but when you really just need a hug it’s a pain in the ass and I’ll basically only get a comforting hug from girls

Yeah, I definitely get the touch starved feeling. And it only gets more so the more hyper masculine you are on the spectrum. Where 2 guys of the same size who kinda know each other might bro hug when they meet up to go for a bar crawl, or like throw an arm over your friends shoulder while telling a story about them, if you come into that situation as someone seen as even MORE masculine (say being a particularly tall man) you get none of that unless you are with close friends. You dont touch anyone, nobody touches you. And being particularly hyper masculine you're also seen as intimidating to both men and women, so EVERYONE stays away

What is a male leaning non binary woman? A woman who has male feelings ?

@@dougmasters4620 I’m not a woman. I’m a male-leaning non-binary person. So if you would look at gender as a spectrum and put a “true” non-binary in the middle between male and female, someone in the middle area towards the male side is a non-binary person with male leanings. Since I am non-binary, I will not be perceived as male (or female), so a lot of the stuff I say is not quite as creepy as it could be.

Straight up, you should learn Martial Arts. Probably start with Ju Jitsu. That goes for both men and women, btw.

I agree with godlike cause it helped me so much when I started taking kickboxing classes…being able to hold your own in a fight until you can escape gives you so much needed confidence whether you’re trans or cis

im glad ftm are able to empathize with us men. As a guy life is just so much harder in every faccet you will be treated worse in EVERY scenaro whether its somebody taking your order at starbucks or just waiting at the DMV. People just dont respect guys as they do girls. girls are seen as pretty little helpless gazelles which can be bad or good for them depending on the situation. but most of the time for 99% of life its so much easier to have people treat you as an actual human being with emotions. as a man you have to toughen up and thats why male suicide rate is 3.5x higher in men. which is the most insane stat ever. Ladies, i know you think youre oppressed, but trust me its not greener on the other side its blacker… life as a man is the toughest thing anybody can do

I can kind of relate to the part about your voice. My voice always goes high pitched and polite when I talk to or in front of strangers, on the phone, etc. and it's so frustrating. it's the biggest thing keeping me from passing, I think. To me, it helps to do like voice exercises or practice how I would talk in front of someone. it doesn't always work, but it's my best guess.◝(⁰▿⁰)◜

I feel the autism thing

I’m also autistic and struggle with communication.

On the spectrum myself...my rule of thumb is to avoid compliments unless it's someone I know well. But if I do, limit it to something like a new hairstyle or clothes. Best to steer away from compliments on bodies.

Rory_Emery I have only one standard: me = good, every else = bad.

As a trans girl I definitely noticed a ton more compliments on my appearance after I came out. Personally I welcome all compliments from any gender (though it's 80% from women, but I have had a couple men compliment me in a respectful way) I think the main thing is to keep it to a genuine compliment and not a statement of attraction, lol.

Yeah. I stopped drawing girls in general about 2 years before I figured out I was trans... My art skills weren't the problem, they were fine, but I became super uncomfortable drawing girls all of a sudden. Like I couldn't bear to draw something that I identified uncomfortably with at the time. Especially since I got a pretty big chest, thighs, and hips and was getting dysphoric from those already..

Yeah, I only draw dudes bc drawing girls makes me really uncomfortable. Idk I just feel like its creepy for me to do so

Pan gender is racist, you can be multi gender but not all genders. Many genders are culturally specific and closed.

liz t don’t gender ppl then, saying ma’am and sir is not necessary lol

Or maybe people just don't like being rude lol. Calling someone a gender they aren't is awkward!

@liz t Completely agree, well said

In all honesty, I know A LOT of guys (cis and trans) who are terrified of spiders and bugs. I can only think of two people I have dated who weren't. I'm always the resident bug killer. 🤣🤣 I had one friend who would BEG me to drive across town to save him from a spider in his shower just so he could get ready for work.... He's cis.

You can, my oldest brother is. His wife is too. So to get on their good side I just say I killed a spider for them whenever I visit. Nothing wrong with any of that.

This is one of the reasons I love being a woman, even in this society. I’ve always felt more free to be myself then men

I have a cis boyfriend who's terrified of bugs and cant be in the same room as some of them. I take care of the situation for him

The Way In sure you can!! I relocated countless for cismale friends through the years. I'm currently in a household of 7, I'm the only guy, and I'm the only one willing the take care of the creepy crawlers... But snakes? Oh HELL NO. You won't catch me within two blocks, willingly, of a snake.

Ok IDK why but for some reason seeing Joanna in a random videos comments really threw me off lol

Lol found Johanna

Hi!!!!!

I mean I sort of agree with you but statistically as far as I’m aware, men are more likely to be predators (as a guy I understand why people might be nervous), it’s an unfortunate truth of society really

YES!!! As a cis bisexual man, hard agree on a lot of these points. I want to start making KZfaq videos soon about my life experiences and weighing in with my political and social opinions, so I'll have to keep this video, it's points therein, and the topic of the perception of men in society in mind for when I get around to finally uploading videos, but I pretty much hard agree on these points. It is really shitty and not okay that men are perceived as predators in waiting and a danger to kids and women. If negative stereotypes against women are bad and need to be challenged in order to move forward socially and treat everybody equitably (and to be clear, that is true.), it boggles me that so many times when some of the shit lots that men deal with are brought up, it's often handwaved with "well, I get it." "It's kind of true though", or "but men brought this on themselves. something patriarchy, toxic men, etc.". On the crossing the street thing, I hard agree you shouldn't have to move for anybody. I'm a bi guy who by choice doesn't date women, and more to the point understand basic decency and will never randomly accost someone on the street to cat call them or some shit, let alone seize the moment to just have my way with or mangle someone on the street cause I'm just a big scary guy who totally could and my big scary male brute brain predisposes me to thinking I'm entitled to doing that *eyeroll*. If that's how I'm perceived, well that's the womans problem for assuming, not mine. I'm just going about my business walking on the sidewalk I have just as much right to as she does. It's not I who should have to change my behavior to reaffirm that I'm one of the good men, because the stereotype that I could be a violent lunk in waiting and just an object of harm to a woman walking down the street is some bullshit that doesn't justify a counter response. In a sick way sometimes I fantasize of a day when I get the cops called on me or tazed or peppersprayed for having the audacity to exist as a man, and I get to to be a martyr for men who just exist and I can expose people who make asses of themselves for presuming I'm big, scary, and creepy just for being a man. I know, that's super unlikely to ever happen, I most likely will never have to deal with that I'm thankful for it, but it feels mighty shitty that on any level I can worry that that might realistically happen. Ditto for the men and children thing. I have a 10 year old family member in my life who's one of the lights of my world. I lover her and I love kids, and I hate that men are viewed as more likely to predatory and I hate how it seems like everybody almost wants to find the pedo lurking in plain sight, like a witch hunt. That shit hurts, and while Jackson in this video justified this with the point that predators come in all genders (true), lets not kid ourselves here that the average person, or even virtually anyone, is giving women the same kind of suspicious side eye they give men because they're worried that anyone could be a predator. What's worse is that, unlike the woman on a sidewalk thing, I actually feel a bigger urge to change my behavior with children in public since I feel like there's a tangible danger to myself if someone gets the wrong idea about me in close proximity to a child, be it getting beat up or worse like pissing off the wrong pedo paranoid gun nut (God bless "Murica and all.), or having to deal with police who'd also be biased towards the idea that I could be a predator because I'm a man. Men are so often seen as vessels of harm and predation done onto others (sometimes even other men), and I'm sick of accommodating that. That needs to be challenged and dispelled, and I try to do that whenever it feels safe to do so by just being myself in public and having rational discussions challenging these notions when I am able to. Ditto on the point about challenging feminism too. If listening to others and respecting people's feelings as valid is something we're trying to prioritize more as a society, then that goes for the average man who have grievances too. I don't think we should sit down and take when we feel like we're being unfairly judged, miscategorized, or stereotyped. the narrative is often that men are always taken seriously and that this is the result of women and minorities finally being heard, and to a point that's true and there is noticeable good coming from that. Still, I don't see anybody actually taking seriously men who have grievances like mine in any widely accepted discourse, or if these concerns are talked about at all it's framed as men finally worrying about dealing with consequences for their actions, as though it's impossible for a man to be unfairly judged and that any man who worries about negative stereotype necessarily embodies those very sterotypes. I feel like I have more to say on this, but I don't want to rant for too long here. I should hold on to some of my thoughts for when I can put these ideas out to a wider audience myself.

I mean... about the predator thing: one time I was really skeptical about this grown man watching these two little girls. He had a camera in his hand and I know pedos like pictures and stuff😐. So I tried to get my cousins outta there as SOO as possible. I don’t think that makes me bad, it makes me cautious. I’m always cautious about walking to my bus stop when there are men around. I’m not saying it’s good to pin men as these evil pedos, but it’s ok to be cautious. I think it’s natural.

before I write I wanna make it clear that I hate having this mindset and that I wanna change but being where I live it's kinda dangerous not to. also I hold these standards to women as well, I get scared when a random woman is next to me while I'm walking alone. I'm just scared of a lot of people tbh. I get that people probably shouldn't just assume every man is gonna assault you but still some people might have reasons for it. the area I live in has a LOT of sexual predators. like its actaully ridiculous, there were even rumors of an illegal child sex ring. I'm a trans male but I still fully present as female(due to being in the closet). the amount of anxiety I get from just taking a simple walk is excruciating. I have to worry about every car, every passerby, every little sound. its terrifying. I obviously know that not every man is gonna harm me(I'm a man myself) but I still have to be careful for my own safety. as much as I'd love to agree with you, in this world we cant afford to not be careful. I just wanna be able to get groceries without worrying. even in public with other adults, seeing kids just alone with some random guy is scary cause of the amount of kids who go missing here. I wish I didnt have to have this kind of mindset but it's an unfortunate consequence of where I live

You guys should read Whipping Girl by Julia Serano. I think it would give you some perspective

Johnny Depp talked about raping and burning his wife and burying her alive. There's video of him that show he was a violent and aggressive presence to be around. The way you talk like he is this pristine angel is disgusting.

Can imagine he has some benefits from beeing bi. But from what I heard, transgendered people really struggle with that. It's unlikely to finde a straight woman as ftm, and almost impossible to find a straight man as ftm. I wonder if they're getting prepared for this.

@@sgvpizzainsel7500 did you mean to say mtf in the second example?

@@graelmir5991 sure. Sorry

I agree.