Sorry to hear that. Avoiding looking at yourself is common way of avoiding dysphoria.

I feel everything you said!

Non-binary transfem here relating to this. I have been so against seeing myself and putting my pics up in any social media such as facebook (despite me using the highest possible privacy settings available), and I didn't even realize this was it because I didn't even know what gender was. This whole gender framework surely helped me contextualize the thoughts and feelings I've been having.

@@IonasalSdorica I didn’t know what dysphoria was or that I had it, until I found out, there is such a thing as nonbinary gender identities…

@@IonasalSdorica I'm a 35 year old male, and I went through the phase of finding body hair strange and a new beginning in me when I crossed puberty. That occurred for the next few years, as I grew more and more hair. In the duration, I observed the new changes, realized my pre-pubescent innocence of a child, and saw the new changes that were naturally occurring to be a part of my growth process. Over the next few years, I looked around in the world and mapped out my entire evolution through age until I had grey hair, etc. And I welcomed that change, that was my evolutionary right. I wore contacts because a) I needed to cuz of weak sight, and b) I felt better and stood out with a brown guy with hazel eyes. I was always dissecting myself in the mirror through the social/media norms of beauty, and I always wanted to be different and better. I wasn't "comfortable with my looks." Thank God we didn't have this carefully engineered language back then to capitalize on these very common insecurities and call it "dysphoria," and immediately offer drugs and blades to modify myself, because I most likely would have. With time, my confidence naturally built up as I discovered that I was unique in my own personal features and physique, and found people that were attracted to my type. And I guarantee you, no straight man feels comfortable staring at their genitalia. I went through that, because it was awkward to just stare at your own privates... I was naturally fascinated with the female body, and I could stare for days on end (still do!). That tells me that being a straight male, I'm attracted to the female body and want to engage in "play." The only corruption in interpretation of the self and the relationship with it that I see in the world is this new "injection" of a "virtual" narrative which isn't rooted in millions of years of natural psychological/biological/evolutionary/organic reality. Remember, every time things don't make sense, you start with the most real basis, and work everything out from there. Don't let a manipulative system destroy your life, with changes that are literally irreversible. Drugs make you feel "transcendent." It's why they're drugs. You want to be rooted in your organic reality. The only thing fluid is the mental perception of yourself and the world, always adjust your mind to align more with the hard facts of organics. Don't rearrange yourself in a way where once your mindset changes after a phase, you're left with a mutilation and a dysfunctional biological system. Weight the risks VERY Seriously. I support your birthright to live your life the way you want to. And I beg you to be extremely smart when it comes to risk-assessment and situational awareness and management for the LONG term. Finally... nourish who you're born to be. You don't believe in God, don't. Believe in the Infinite Wisdom of the Universal Nature, the most advanced form of organic intelligence. And adjust your feelings and perception according to that. Trust me, that system will NEVER let you down. Take as MUCH time as you need before jumping into a dark unknown abyss. Even put yourself off drugs... have the will and courage to explore yourself naturally. Experiment with different perceptions to align yourself more to your natural being. Trust me, the psychological and subconscious and superconscious depths of that system are PERFECTLY aligned to the very fabric of the universe. So the discomfort is just a thin layer of the mind, explore the hell out on that level to rearrange things to align with the greater perfection of your nature and biology. Intelligence, the cutting-edge mind... is what matters. Not putting yourself on the edge of a blade, where once you've done something, you'd never be able to take it back... Even after your current mindset has evaporated with the passing of time, and you realize looking back that it was just a phase. You'd be permanently stuck with a body you can't change back. Do your research. Weight the very personal and direct risks.

Well, it depends if you use your chest or not. I had a reduction at 20 because the heaviness of it gave me severe back problems, but I lost sensation in one nipple. And they didn't bother telling me. The other miraculously survived and I feel lucky! I met a girl who lost both, it fucked up her intimate life. Now, although it would be cool to have a flat chest, I'll keep what I have to preserve the remaining nipple, because I can't... hum... finish without it. I won't deprive myself of pleasure to appease the eyes of cis society. Tight sports bra is enough to mask my chest, it's enough for me to pass (I'm on T). If your chest is nothing but a dead weight for you, go ahead. But if it's not, unless you can access peri, you'll loose erotic sensations. So... Really ponder the pros and the cons.

Thanks for sharing, and those decisions can be hard to make.

This describes every single thing I'm struggling with right now. "Am I only transitioning for other people?" Man, it's almost impossible to feel like any choices are good ones.

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

I'm a 35 year old male, and I went through the phase of finding body hair strange and a new beginning in me when I crossed puberty. That occurred for the next few years, as I grew more and more hair. In the duration, I observed the new changes, realized my pre-pubescent innocence of a child, and saw the new changes that were naturally occurring to be a part of my growth process. Over the next few years, I looked around in the world and mapped out my entire evolution through age until I had grey hair, etc. And I welcomed that change, that was my evolutionary right. And I guarantee you, no straight man feels comfortable staring at their genitalia. I went through that, because it was awkward to just stare at your own privates... I was naturally fascinated with the female body, and I could stare for days on end (still do!). That tells me that being a straight male, I'm attracted to the female body and want to engage in "play." The only corruption in interpretation of the self and the relationship with it that I see in the world is this new "injection" of a "virtual" narrative which isn't rooted in millions of years of natural psychological/biological/evolutionary/organic reality. Remember, every time things don't make sense, you start with the most real basis, and work everything out from there. Don't let a manipulative system destroy your life, with changes that are literally irreversible. Drugs make you feel "transcendent." It's why they're drugs. You want to be rooted in your organic reality. The only thing fluid is the mental perception of yourself and the world, always adjust your mind to align more with the hard facts of organics. Don't rearrange yourself in a way where once your mindset changes after a phase, you're left with a mutilation and a dysfunctional biological system. Weight the risks VERY Seriously. I support your birthright to live your life the way you want to. And I beg you to be extremely smart when it comes to risk-assessment and situational awareness and management for the LONG term. Finally... nourish who you're born to be. You don't believe in God, don't. Believe in the Infinite Wisdom of the Universal Nature, the most advanced form of organic intelligence. And adjust your feelings and perception according to that. Trust me, that system will NEVER let you down. Take as MUCH time as you need before jumping into a dark unknown abyss. Even put yourself off drugs... have the will and courage to explore yourself naturally. Experiment with different perceptions to align yourself more to your natural being. Trust me, the psychological and subconscious and superconscious depths of that system are PERFECTLY aligned to the very fabric of the universe. So the discomfort is just a thin layer of the mind, explore the hell out on that level to rearrange things to align with the greater perfection of your nature and biology. Intelligence, the cutting-edge mind... is what matters. Not putting yourself on the edge of a blade, where once you've done something, you'd never be able to take it back... Even after your current mindset has evaporated with the passing of time, and you realize looking back that it was just a phase. You'd be permanently stuck with a body you can't change back. Do your research. Weight the very personal and direct risks.

Yes this is very possible for sure. One can easily assume their gender assigned at birth is their core identity due to all external positive validation to it.

Ummm.... yup! My egg exploded violently and unexpectedly out of NOWHERE at 42.

@@DRZPHD Thank you! Realizing that took me years of questioning because I had to develop my "new" identity alongside the old identity I was living in. It still throws me for a loop sometimes. But I think I've finally got it...

@@ticketforepic4429 Good to know. All the best for you! It's scary to change the self image you have had so thoroughly... but on good days it feels better than what I was stuck with before.

In my experience, not only is it possible to learn to accept your gender assigned at birth, it is quite common. But it never goes away. Ultimately you will have to face your dysphoria because it is a part of who you are. It will not be denied. I knew I was trans in the mid 60s. It took me almost another 50 years to do something about it. There were certain expectations for my education and career. They became my focus and everything else was pushed deep in the background for a long time. Now I couldn’t be happier to be a postop passable binary woman who looks 25 years younger than her chronological age.

Exactly!

Damn good question, I've been thinking about this too. No idea :/

Well even if you are MtF u don‘t necessarily need to get along well with women. That just one more gender stereotype we are confronted again. There are so many girls who don‘t get along with girls as well who don‘t wear make up for example. This doesn’t make them less women. Or women who wear jeans and not skirts. This doesn’t make me or you less trans women just because of feeling uncomfortable in front of cis women. I am also MtF and I feel more comfortable in front of boys - of corse as girl. So am I less trans than others? No I am not. I think the best what you can experiment is to see if your gender expression ( feminine clothes, make up , Crossdressing) is really enough for u. Many of the people are fine just when the realize they can be feminine boy. No matter if u hang out with girls or boys. If this change still doesn’t make u happy and u don’t feel congruent enough to yourself its probably something with gender Dysphoria. But noone can say u if U r trans because u don’t like hanging out with boys. Gender Dysphoria is complex and different thing in every person. E.g. in my case it was not enough just to be feminine guy or guy who wears make up and feline clothes. This made me even feel worse because I realised I am just a man with make up. U should be open and try new things out to see what suits to u. If u realise u should start HRT because make up or being feminine guy isn’t enough for u should try it - of course aber some time of psycho therapy . Because how u will feel on HRT is best indicator if u r so to say trans. But noone can predict it. I know ppl who do crossdressing and like being seen as women but they stopped hormones because they didn’t feel well. Just be open and listen to yourself. You are not less women or Man just because u r on hormones or not. Each gender identity is unique and there is no specific pattern how trans girls should look like or if they had to knew they r trans since they were 5 y.o. Give yourself time and explore your gender :)

@ieran desk one has to always go back to square one when they are looking deep within themselves. Square one is: are you comfortable with your gender assigned at birth? Do not look for social situations as a sole way of understanding. Most telling facts is how you feel when you are alone with yourself. How do you feel about your gender and your body aspects that are gendered.

Wow I didn't even realize there were disagreements but I can also see them now. In my opinion, gender transition is there to alleviate dysphoria of any kind. If one does not have dysphoria but still wants some of the gender affirming procedures, than thats more in line with either body dysmorphia or just reaching gender non congruent or gender bending expression one is after, however it is less of a medical necessity and more cosmetic at that point which is OK we just can't cluster all people under transgender umbrella as it invalidate and takes away medical access from those who suffer dysphoria.

Thanks for sharing and I am glad the video is helpful.

Idk where to put but i think i can leave it here. If you do mind it than im sorry im just overthinking yet again so if you think this is inappropriate to put here please just ignore it. So at first im considering myself as nonbinary transfem (libragender). So basically during my childhood i had no idea of my gender but i always felt (and feel) envy to girls. As well as wishing to be afab all along and other stuff like that but i didnt really thought too much about it. For some years it diminished but then it returned again. I think i do have some types of dsyphoria (voice, facial hair, hair length, name, pronouns) but i only feel a little annoyance to it. So i say to myself that its not enough what leads to me to requestion my identity. But i really am certain that im not a male but rather a female-aligned agender. So i try to proof to myself that i have dysphoria finding some sources which agree to me and some who doesnt. I dont like how masculinity is perceived and i cant identify with it at all which does creates discomfort as im perceived that way but weirdly it creates less discomfort if i am perceives as masculine directly through pronouns and names. However i really dont want to be viewed as masculine but rather as feminine both socially and bodily but there without some feminine part just the overall appearance. I also cant look at pictures of me as i feel like this aint me and feel how other girls (classmates) are more like what i want to look like. With mirrors there only is slight discomfort. Oh and theres worries about hrt and surgery as i dont want them over my worries (internally and externally). Overall not a great place to be regardless of what my gender identity truly is.

Thank you for sharing and glad to be of help.

Thanks for sharing.

Glad you are taking your time too vs rushing in.

Thanks for sharing

Thanks for sharing and unfortunately I think social dysphoria will persist for many due to cultural climate. I often suggest solidifying who you are and owning it as much as you can regardless of society which I also know is not an easy task.

Thanks for sharing.

Yes, this!!!👆

I'm in much the same space you are, and social and physical dysphoria seem to feed off of each other more and more. Get rid of most mirrors (do keep the ones you need for your makeup and to check for places you missed shaving though). I've found they provide a shock of dysphoria when I see myself in them. I wear all feminine clothing, but understated stuff so as not to stand out. Black and other muted colours, medium to long skirts and dresses, blouses and tops. And mostly loose garments that obscure my larger male frame to an extent. Shop online for it if you're afraid to go into a women's clothing store and/or your size is such that you can't get clothing locally (as is the case for me). Amazon, Etsy, Zalando (not sure what countries they operate in), and places like that tend to carry more large sizes than your average high street shop. Only disadvantages really are the delay in gratification caused by the shipping times and the occasional disappointment when something doesn't fit right and has to be returned. I still often get identified as male, but I can tell from people taking longer to address me than before that it's getting harder for them to tell, which is good. Maybe when it gets colder and I can wear some makeup to hide my beard shadow (it's simply too warm for that right now, I sweat like a pig) that'll change. Find a local or regional transgender support group. Simply knowing you're not alone and seeing others like yourself helped me a lot already. Of course intellectually you know that you're not alone simply from what you find on the internet, but talking to people like yourself face to face does a lot more. Plus they likely can help you find things locally as well. Places like hair removal clinics. It's all nice to be recommended one in (say) San Diego by a transwoman on youtube but if you live in e.g. Germany that's not very helpful.

@Aston Apple thank you for sharing. The space of your exploration can be frustrating depending on the following: is passing important to you? If so, that means you identify as trans binary and in that case, when I personally work with trans women for whom passing matters, I slowly, very slowly socially transition them. Meaning, at first it is very gender neutral clothing with envelope being pushed more and more as one starts getting more HRT benefits. This is for two reasons: 1. to get you to feel more confident and assertive so that when misgendering happens, you give less shit about it and 2. to minimize misgendering. I never recommend for a trans woman, especially older, to just social come out fully in her gender as that can be hard and some things that matter to passing still need to be perfected. When passing matters to trans folks and a lot of misgendering happens I say this: how can you perhaps take it as intel that something isn't working. Again, sadly we are getting into stereotypical binaries here, however, such is still reality today and if you identify as a trans binary, that is reality you are also subject too. I hope this was helpful.

Wishing you all the best.

Hey way to go! Good for you.

Yes sadly the two like to tango

Figuring out if thats something you yourself want can be the hardest part. Take time, journal, engage in therapy if you can.

Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

Thanks for sharing.

Commendable take on it! Esp. if you personally can pull it off. Sadly, those who are blessed with long, swingy, pendulous ones by nature (they're not a result of lack of supportive garments as some ignorantly claim, but of genetics), can't really pass them off as moobs. Glad to hear that's not the case for you, though, and your advice might help a lot of people out there who could do as you do. :)

Good for you to feel confident about yourself.

@@kaiwannagoback5712, I had those, and had a reduction to save my back. But as I lost sensation in one, I decided to bypass further top surgery to salvage the remaining one. Now they are small enough to be easily concealed, and I understand people who want to take it all off... Dysphoria + back pain sucks!

Thanks for sharing.

Thank you for sharing.

I agree with everything you are saying and I am sorry about your pain. I can feel it.

Thanks for sharing.

I'd suggest exploring this more with a therapist in your area.

Thanks for sharing. Do you mean psychological sex as in being more connected to sexual variance due to chromosomes.? If so, yes it def is present.

@@DRZPHD Psychological sex is a term introduced (as far as I know) by Julia Serano in "Whipping Girl". It refers to the sex characteristics your brain expects its body to have. It manifests as either physical dysphoria or congruence depending on how well aligned the brain and body are.

Thank you for sharing.

Thank you

Hi. Thats hard to say without knowing your history in depth. I would suggest seeking support of a local therapist to help clarify.

I hear such fearful thoughts often. All you can do is trust they will handle their own feelings.

I totally agree. As a psychologist if you plan on gender affirming surgery because you don't have dysphoria, than thats cosmetic and thats fine. Thus if you are a person with no dysphoria who wants any gender treatment, than its more apt to identify as gender bending or gender non conforming.

Thanks for sharing.

Best to seek a support of a local therapist to help figure things out.

So sorry to hear of your struggles and I hope you can reach out to local and online support.

Thank for sharing.

It can be toughest for non binary folks and I am sorry you are struggling with this.

@@DRZPHD I am just happy I found your channel, honestly. I didn’t know I was even non-binary and now I have been feeling a lot better settling into myself. This video specifically hit my weird dysphoria niche.

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.