I don't think the background is bad? Maybe needs tweaking or softened somewhere? It was fine without it but the new one is cool too. Don't let the world define your videos lol!

As always your insight to the topic was spot on especially for new and younger folks, but the background just isn't working, the office style setting seems more personal and human. Thank you Again for a great segment

She is blending in with the background in a way that she looks camouflaged.

It was worth shot, but no. Makes me think of a bad SiFi flick. Just weird. I still like you though.

@@KM-cb8ff Ohh I'd never let others define me that way, but I was also on a fence about it and others feedback confirmed why.

I want you to know that you’re not alone!! I have also had the feeling of not being good enough and making this whole thing up. I think that is my gender dysphoria. I keep thinking that I’m just a messed up girl and playing make believe

I lived with severe gender dysphoria myself, I transitioned but then detransitioned, because I was just not able to cope with the ability being so handicapped as a woman, with hormones it all comes rushing in and becomes all the more clear, and the sensation not being like other women physically is a harrowing experience, the need to give birth, those motherly instincts, it all starts coming in, which made me detransition and consider that maybe living as a man would be easier to cope by hiding within.

@Kyle Shoemaker thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear of your pain and struggles.

Glad it was helpful.

The struggle is too real.

Why would waking up as a *cisgender heterosexual monoamorous person* cause fear freak-out? It's just part of the same spectrum. I think this hi-lites part of the intentionally engineered societal division over gender issues. I think Depeche Mode had it right: "People are people so why should it be that you and i should get along so awfully?"

Wow powerfully put.

Goddamn, I feel this 110%...

Hahah this is great feedback I appreciate it and also agree.

Dr Z. I use the closed captions due to hearing deficits. I like the black clothes and background for this reason, it’s always good to try improving, and this was a good change for me. Love your videos and have seen them all, some twice. ❤️Jo.

Maybe in late October when Halloween makes people think of themselves as blood sucking vampires Dr Z could dress up as one and use this background to great effect. But for the rest of the year I agree the best background is the white book case with professional accoutrements.

My parents think that studying biology made me queer.

Thank you for sharing.

​@@ws6778 Such a stupid argument from them. Like, you are smart, so you know things exist. How dare you!

I know what you mean. I kept a journal where I'd have several coloured tags for my gendered experience, on occasion adding text to it. It turned out quite useful for a while, to figure things out. I would recommend getting rather poetic and not strict with it, because rigid categorisation of a non-binary experience is bordering impossible, but seeing it reflected in some form did me good. Also, you are obviously not doing it for attention. A person doing it for attention would not shut up about it to anyone, and a) nothing is wrong about being excited to share an experience b) you are not doing that.

Everytime I self-doubt myself into an identity crisis if not an existential crisis, I remind myself something I learned studying Philosophies some time ago: Out there, somewhere, there is, in the very least, someone who, specifically, needs you to necessarily exist, and exist as the most authentic version of yourself.

This exact phenomenon is what kept me from realizing I was trans for the longest time. Sometimes I felt like and was fine with presenting as my AGAB, while other times I didn't. Of course, at the time I thought that binary trans was the only possibility that existed. I later learned about nonbinary identities, including genderfluid, and that for some people the shift can occur gradually over a long period of time. So just because some days I feel a certain way in the moment, it doesn't negate my transness. It also helped to realize there's a ton of overlap between what society has defined as feminine and masculine, and that I don't have to constantly worry about fitting one of those definitions just because someone said so.

I am sorry to hear you struggled with this. Hang in there and trust your heart.

Sorry to hear about your family reaction.

Hope it helps them understand.

You are so welcome!

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

I don’t know if this will help, but I believe from your words, that you live with a lot of emotional pain pretty much every day and it seems that through transitioning you were able for a time to experience some relief from that pain. Now it’s back, because you detransitioned. Well I don’t know what’s right for you only you can answer that question, but let me share a little of my personal experience. I was gaslit from day one there was no knowledge of transgender in the 1950s, not outside the few mental health professionals who knew about us, so everything I was was said to be wrong and that I didn’t know myself, but deep down I knew better. Decades went by and I made some feeble attempts at true self expression and self acceptance, but the gaslighting was just as strong and so repression became my only avenue to relative safety and security. I hid from the world and myself. Eventually after some serious life shattering life altering trauma I snapped out of my “coma” and with much soul searching and research I gradually fully accepted, embraced and loved myself enough to commit to transitioning, because I knew that if I didn’t I was literally going to kill myself. I couldn’t live the shadow existence I had up until that point. It was very hard, but after more than a decade I can honestly say it got easier every day and it was what I needed to be happy and fulfilled. My life isn’t perfect and there are so many things about this body that I wish I could change, but I had to accept at some point that those things were always going to be with me and that actually there was nothing wrong with them. Maybe in the eyes of some others I didn’t meet their standards or expectations of what a woman is supposed to be, but so what I’m not a cisgender woman, I’m a transgender woman and that’s just as natural and normal as being cisgender and I’m fine with that. I hope this makes your day a little easier and the pain a little lighter. Take care, you’re not alone.

@@lizsavage1178 What hurts me the most is having that painful dilemma, having to chose between two options that are terrible, I either live my life expressing myself authentically but as if I had a target for harassment constantly aimed at me, or I don't but suffer in silence in a closet that often feels like a coffin. Can I really be happy if I sacrifice my safety to express myself authentically, if I did not I would live with painful regrets, yet if I did, I have no idea on whether or not I would even be alive to have regrets. There have to be more to choosing between "closet" or "coffin".

@@ws6778 I agree. What helped me with being able to live authentically was moving first to another part of the country where no one knew me and then eventually moving out of the country. These moves allowed me to not concern myself with others and to pick places that were more accepting of my being transgender. I’m still traveling searching for the best place for me, but my first priority is always, will I be safe there and can I get the healthcare I need while I’m there. I know moving isn’t always an option at first, but it can be something to strive towards.

​@@lizsavage1178 Thank you for your response, you are very much correct when it comes to emotional pain I go through every day. Your post certainly helped me to consider re-transitioning and I booked my appointment with my gender therapist, it's been 14 years since my detransition when I was 28, I kind of chosen a spiritual path since then to ground my sense of self into nothingness of meditation and out of body experiences, but it is a coping mechanism itself, and leaves me empty inside within this world that I need to exist in physically, I was unable to have any intimate physical relationships with anyone, it all seems fake and inauthentic. Theres such a deep emptiness inside that no partner can fulfill, its just too big for anyone to do it, but myself.

Glad it was helpful.

Thank you for feedback. Sounds like from others the background is a no. Ohh well. lol I tried.

Welcome!

Thanks for feedback and glad you enjoyed the video.

Thank you! I had to try it on to realize all that and more. Also thanks for sharing.

I am so sorry to hear how you feel.

Thank you for your feedback.

Nope, its the world.

Thank you for sharing and thank for backing backdrop. Love your flexibility.

I am sorry to hear of this. I hope you can start writing or doing some visual board of who you are on the inside. I swear you are there and its not beaten out of you.

Thanks for sharing.

Yes its like black licorice ice cream :)

@@DRZPHD yes! Or black sesame ice cream, which is really good too. I thought it was ice cream. :) who doesnt want to be in front of a yummy container of ice cream

@@DRZPHD maybe you could do a background like a mood ring. What texture do you feel today? :)

Thank you!!

Thank you.

Totally get what you mean by waiting for tipping point. Thats understandable to want to be stealth. I know I am bummed the backdrop is not working, oh well, at least I tried.

OMG you are the only one so far.

Haha its true! Although other people bring up good points. Tbh though Im not very good at critiquing or being nitpicky.

Thank you for feedback. Sounds like its not ideal for most folks on here.

Thank you for your feedback. Very helpful.

You are awesome.

I am glad you are at a happier place!!! Don't dwell on regrets, what's best is that you are living your life now!

Thank you so much for input. Appreciate it.

The fact that they accused you of “pushing stereotypes” for not conforming to a stereotype is hilarious Sounds like your friends might be on the TERF spectrum and don’t believe that gender is real. Recommend watching the Lily Alexander video on TERFs, or the Contrapoints video on JK Rowling. In short, TERFs think gender and birth sex are the same, which is a reactionary belief disguised as feminism. It is based on a naturalistic fallacy, same as conservatism. And their ideology has some highly anti-feminist implications. It is also irrational to boot: just because something is socially constructed does not mean it doesn’t exist. Language is socially constructed, and yet, it serves a purpose. Everyone performs their gender, including cis people. I would imagine most of these friends buy women’s clothes, wear makeup, use a purse, grow their hair long etc. These are all socially constructed behaviors, stereotypically female, with no inherent connection to biology, and yet your friends still do them. I think it’s worth asking them why they do these things if they don’t have to. And don’t accept the answer “because I was born female”, since these behaviors have no connection whatsoever to being born female, and that is only the answer of someone who doesn’t want to figure out why they do what they do. It is a way of bypassing critical thought. Maybe they don’t want to critically examine their own gender because it would threaten their own idea of themselves as a “feminist”, since they treat feminism as an exclusive club.

@@IAmNumber4000 wow that was such a great answer, thank you so much💙

No what, @IAN 4000 why did you delete that answer?? It was such a great answer, good thing I took a screenshot, but maybe someone with the same problem would find it helpful...

@@user-ku9xx1gw3v I didn't delete it, youtube will randomly make comments disappear for no reason

@@IAmNumber4000 wow lol that's kinda weird

Perhaps the path is not to pinpoint one at all.

Sorry to hear that.

I am sorry to hear that.

Me too, it seems like people make assumptions about you, but they never fit, they thought I was gay, I was not, they thought I was pervert, dumb, insane, none of it was true, it's like society can not pigeon-hole you, almost like our body was never supposed to grow in the direction it did, the longer we occupy that body, the more it feels like we're handicapped and completely out of touch with this world, and once it feels like we have to hide that we're a different gender, that might be a sign of gender dysphoria.

Not sure what you mean.

Sorry about that and I appreciate your feedback. Glad I asked

I am sorry to hear about that. If you are in transition and are not feeling good that is definelty something to investigate.

Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for sharing and I am glad you like the background.

I like that. Accept yourself vs waiting for others.

Sorry about their forgetfulness. IF parents mean well, forgetfulness is often natural as they try to adjust.

Thank you for feedback! From what others shared it’s also a ‘no’

Thank you.

I hear your frustrations and reflections on the world. It is tough.

Thats a very valid fear and thank you for feedback on backdrop.

@@DRZPHD thanks for confirming that it's a valid fear and not my brain playing tricks with me.

No problem. Glad you can just listen to audio.

Thank you for sharing.

Heee heee can you imagine if I suddenly disappeared! That would be a trip.

@@DRZPHD can you try a digital white background?

Gaslighting is making you question your own experiences and feelings and makes you feel crazy. This video isnt really denying anyone their feelings or perspective. Why do you think this is gaslighting?

@Albert Fralinger see comment below from @Gabeajean who explained it well.

@@bobbyd6040 Can you be more specific here? It sounds like you are talking about biological sex here. The vast majority of trans people do not believe they are the 100% same biologially as the gender they identify with. Outside of that aspect a lot of how we interact with gender in our day to day is largely social. Being a man or woman in a social sense doesnt necessarily oppose or negate the biological reality. Were not doing genital or chromosonal inspections on people we meet. Its fairly irrelevant there. I was born female and if you want to call me a woman I guess you can do it but youd probably look silly if you were to do so in real life since I got a beard and look like a dude and navigate the world as a man.

@@bobbyd6040 - I feel like youre not asking this in good faith. But I will try to answer. There are multiple ways to define this: biological, cultural, and social. I'll start with biological. This is often broken up into sub categories by biologists: chromosonal, anatomical, and hormonal. For 90%+ of people all 3 match. There are conditions where one may not match the others. Since I am a trans man, I have the primary characteristics of a woman. Ive never checked my chromosones, so its possible I dont. However, I am on HRT, so I have the hormonal profile of a man. So, technically, you could say I fit some of the boxes there. Social, is the second thing. This is how you interact with people in accordance with my gender. Pre-transition, the way people approached me was based on the idea I was a woman. For example, to be respectful, people would call me m'am or miss pre transition. Im always addressed as sir now. The social customs are seperate from biology. There are cis people who dont "pass" or are mistaken as the opposite sex but once people realize their sex, they are treated accordingly. If someone knows your gender and treats you socially as that gender you are filling that social role regardless of biology. Cultural has a lot of overlap with social, but customs of how we treat each other in accordance with gender will vary between cultures. In fact there are cultures that recognize multiple genders. In Jewish texts theres actually a variety of types of genders talked about. Again, someone can not biologically be a gender but still be treated that way culturally and socially. For me, I for sure fit a mans role socially and culturally, and if you use the hormonal profile to talk about biology, I even could check that box. What makes you a man? Is it your genatalia? If you got into an accident, and lost part of your anatomy, would you cease to be a man? Would you not be a man if you produced extra estrogen in your body? What about if your chromosones turned out to be XX? If you wore a dress, would you cease to be a man? What if someone made a typo on your birth certificate and it said you were female? You seem to spend a lot of time asking trans people to prove their genders, you havent proven yours to me yet.

@@bobbyd6040 Where did I assume your faith? The only religious reference was mentioning Jewish texts as an example where a culture has multiple genders. I wrote that much because there isnt a simple defintion, not because Im ignorant.

Thanks for letting me know.

Hi. With all due respect, people can and do change gender! I think what you refer to is that people can't change cromosomal sex, which is true. A trans woman is still an XY carrier and a trans men is XX. This is a fact none disputes.

@@DRZPHD Yes thank you for being respectful, my intention wasn't to offend anyone, it's just what I believe in. You can live your life however you want to, it's not anyone's business, however chromosomal sex is what I believe to be gender. But I understand that not many people believe in that.