All of this!! I am now considered dead by most of my family and in a way it's kind of true because that person is gone, forever. I accept this and moved on. Made a new family that loves me for who I am.

Honestly if being trans was a choice why would I go through years of internal torment. I feel like when I came out people thought it was an idea that just popped into my head. Not years and years of self hate and disgust then trying to finally accept myself. I did choose.. to stop hating myself what is so wrong with that? Just wanting to be happy is what people look for and I'm never going to find it if I can't love myself.

That fact that Dr Z drops an F-bomb in one of her videos shows just how passionate she feels about this.

I'm sorry to hear about your cancer & your Dad. I really hope things are better for you now

My family was like you said a "mirage' and never truly accepted me ever since I knew I was different. They say they do but their actions contradict their words. My older sister and I were very close when we were children but that changed when I did not turn out to meet her expectations for a "brother" and as I discovered myself more and more she became toxic towards me and would say the meanest most hurtful things. Needless to say I had to block her, my father and about 2/3 of my entire family. It was painful at first but I had to drawn a line to protect my self esteem and mental health. I am in a much better place now that I have friends that love me more than my own family.

Perfect timing on another great vid Dr. Z! My wife had given me an ultimatum and we both agreed it was better if we went our separate ways. I also came out to my closest friend at work who is the first person aside from my wife to know now. I’m doing OK but your video helped confirm that I made the right choice, I did what had to be done and it’s not selfish it’s just taken care of myself

Dr. Z, I went through this with my sister but there was no good way to make the transition in the 1970s. My mother would telephone me every week and we would talk but I was worried when I didn’t hear from her. Finally, she called and I asked if she had a different telephone number. She told me a number and I tried to call her back the next week. There was no answer and I heard a generic callback message, so I left a message. My sister wrote me an angry letter because her son, who never heard about me, heard the message and was curious. Our mother had given me my sister’s number. My sister was enraged and told me how I had embarrassed her 40 years before when I went away to transition and she took it upon herself to explain my disappearance to our grandparents. I felt guilt and her embarrassment for weeks after than but there was no easy way to do it in the 1970s.

I love your cotent. For this specific video I have a different opinion. As a POC immigrant there’s more intricacies to child and family dynamics than just European style individualism. My family sacrificed so much and they themselves haven’t been exposed to all of the updated information, there’s love, guilt, community, poverty, intergenerational trauma elements involved. Cutting family ties is a common European/American therapist approach in handling family relationships. But I think there needs to be a ad-hoc based approach in dealing with immigrant/POC families because it’s sometimes I feel the need to educate them because they sacrificed so much for me. There’re more layers.

When I came out to my girlfriend, she said "you do this your family will disown you!" And I'm fast approaching 50! But, I have been living with this since I can remember. It comes, I'm forced to put a lid on it - everyone else is happy except me, with me walking around as a ticking time bomb when it comes back. This time I haven't - I have been trying to figure this out. But, even if they do disown me, I have created my own family. Today I came out to my bosses at work, HR was in the room and they all sand with me on my journey. So they're my new family, even if my blood family may not be there at the end. Don't feel guilt, because it's not you pushing them away - they are walking away from you! So they're the ones who should feeling guilty. Because they are pushing you away!

Thank you again for your videos. I’ve lived with this guilt for the past 6 or so years and it’s unbearable at times but this has been a nice little hug to the soul. All my love to those in the comments who have unsupportive family x

Thank you Dr. Z - I watch your videos all the time but this one really hit the spot for me personally and I can probably speak for a large percentage of other trans and NB people. Your words are empowering and eye-opening and I really appreciate you making these videos much love! Have a nice day

the one I have encountered I hate most is when someone says, "I am not transphobic; I support it if that's what you choose and you can do it but just not around me ...." for me family is a responsibility despite years of abuse, not sure why I can break that mentality. I am personally thought of like I am a power tool, when I am not doing what the family needs I am placed in storage and then pulled out when needed again.. given just enough love to keep me around or when I really need help.. ya I am a fool but I cant shake the thinking I am doing he right thing.. besides it too late for me to be anything but a cautionary tale at my age .. lol great vid !! and sorry about your past troubles.. Be well DRz and anyone else that reads this!!

Good Lord! You succinctly articulated what I have always felt is the family myth that I believe is used for marketing health care, grocery stores, politics, and any other capitalistic American "ideals". I am a year and 3 mos into transitioning Mtf and my family has shunned me without actually saying they have. I like the idea of Chosen Family where basically --- make your support network your "family". Thanks SOOOOO much for your videos! :)

Hello Dr Z, Thank you for your work. I'm 34 and I live in France. It seems that Gender Identity Therapy doesn't exist there, so I watched ALL of your videos (I started in April) and it helps me a lot! My family was emotionally abusive because I'm disabled and fat. Since my childhood I've always felt a feeling of incongruence because I have been assigned Male at birth but I've always have had a chest but back in the days we didn't talk about gender dysphoria. Most of the people would say I have a chest because I'm chubby but, I believe it's foremost due to the meds I took when I was a kiddo. Because of your videos I've learnt I'm Trans and it is so liberating to me because I don't have to fit in the cis male box anymore. Knowing that I am trans totally shift the way I see my body because now I identify as a NB trans man and my unconventional body appears very beautiful to me. My gender dysphoria almost disappeared. Finally, I use this comment, to ask you something. Without my chest, I think I would be a cis male. Do you think that we are born transgender or can we become trans (because of hormonal issue, meds intake...)? Thank you sooo f*cking much!! Bye

I am so glad I found your channel. It really helps. At the moment it is so hard to find a therapist where I live. Either they are full for the next 2 years and they don't make any new appointments, or they are not specialized and don't dare to help. But (!) at this point I am so desperate to live, that I won't let myself be distracted by that anymore. Even if it takes more than this year, I will find a therapist to support me in my transition. Thank you again for your work, DR Z PHD, in a way you saved my life, thank you so much! I subbed :)

My family should be great and supportive, however I am still too terrified to tell them :(

My family passively accepts me, but I just don’t wanna associate with them anymore due to past abuse/neglect, trauma. Though I do still feel some guilt over wanting to just leave them behind.

This video made me cry. I really needed to hear this. My card deck is a physically and mentally abusive father with a hypocritical, toxic extended family and a loving mum with an unknowingly ignorant extended family. With 18, I met my mentally and sexually abusive ex-partner and with 19 I met my current, kind, loving and supportive partner. I've long since given up on the myth of blood related family and whatnot. I have friends that are my family, I have some blood relatives I consider family and my partner. Those are my family. I decided at some point after a very long time of not speaking with my father, that I would like contacting him again since he apologized and has tried to understand who I am and why I was the way I was in my childhood (autistic & ADHDer) and we've since rebuilt a decent, somewhat distant relationship with set boundaries that I don't move an inch forwards or backwards. I haven't come out to him as trans yet, since I fear he'll tell his family and I don't want them contacting me. I also don't know if he'll understand since he comes from a very Christian, narrow-minded background, even tho he isn't necessarily either...

Thank you. I haven't told my immediate family yet. I have reached out to my aunt in the Uk, and I thought she might be supportive considering my second cousin is transitioning. However, I've not heard back. I think I will have to make my own family as my parents will never accept me for as I truly am. My sister, I'm hoping will accept me. Thanks for sharing your video with me.

Thank you, Natalia!!! Very insightful video that very much hits home. I've learned to overcome guilt toward my family. This was a big challenge for me, given my inherent and lifelong people-pleasing/ appeasing behaviors. Love of self is NOT selfishness!

Once again Dr. Z, thank you for shedding light on another difficult situation many transgender people face. I can relate to this. To anyone who is watching this video and reading my comments and is affected by the topic, I will boldly say this: if you are in this kind of situation, removing yourself from your family, if and when you are able to do so, is the best thing you can do for yourself, if you are ever going to be happy to live as your true self! I will share my experience here briefly. I had to make the decision to cut myself off from my family after I first came out to them as "gay" in my early 20s, when I thought I was gay. I was disowned and I thought, screw it, I was disowning them too! If they didn't think I was worthy of being a member of the family based on my sexuality and me being who I am, then they were not worthy to be in my life or for me to consider them "family", simple as that. I eventually also had to physically move away and emigrated to another country... I missed a lot of important events like cousins I've known since childhood getting married, nieces and nephews growing up and going off to university, deaths, births etc... I felt guilty for a while but I got over it. I focused on my own happiness and growth. It was difficult at the beginning at the time but I can say now that it was the best decision I made! It was good for my mental health! I truly came into my own and I believe that being away from all that toxicity, the cultural and religious traditions and beliefs I grew up around, made it easier for me to finally fully find myself, leading me to realise in my early 40s that I wasn't even gay but transgender!!! Fast forward to the present, the relationship with my siblings have been restored but things are still frosty with my mother. All through those years, my siblings have themselves gone through tremendous changes and have learnt that there is absolutely nothing wrong with anyone who identify as LGBTQ. I had to come "come out" again 20 years later and told them that I am actually transgender and have decided to be my authentic self as a trans female, to which I got the most surprising response from my older sister. My only sister out of 3 brothers. She said to me that me coming out as trans makes more sense to her because since I was a child growing up as a boy-assigned at birth, she had always seen that "girl" in me. That revelation alone added to quelling some of the self doubts I had earlier in my transition wondering if I was just crazy, confused or making it all up in my head because my sister has memories of me from my childhood which I do not have, of me having always been "a girl".... Until growing up, being socialised as a boy in a society and during an era where you didn't hear of being transgender.

I've experienced being cast out by family, albeit indirectly. My mother was cast out by her parents and siblings for daring to marry a Catholic guy. For decades we got "happy birthday" cards 2 months to the day after our birthdays, Christmas cards in March, etc. etc. When we sent them notice my mother had died they gloated over her corpse during the showing (the actual funeral was a private affair) and made sure we saw and heard it. I'm pretty sure my dad would accept me being transgender if he were alive, though he'd have problems with it because of the massive social stigma and the problems it's causing me. My mother though, she was a pretty argumentative person at the best of times and had a very hard time accepting anything outside of her preset ideas of how the world is supposed to be so she probably would have a far harder time and likely refuse to talk to me for a LONG time. Therefore I'm kinda happy my parents are dead so they won't have to go through this. I'm however mostly happy because their LONG suffering with their own health is over (my mother took 12 years to die).

If I'm being totally honest, I dont really want my family going on this journey with me. I want my friends to be with me along the way but my family never fostered that environment. Intentional or not, it's an environment of shutting down self expression and individuality. My narcissist dad could only see himself, my borderline mother absorbed all of the emotional real estate. I love my family but in many ways I don't like them because they make me feel less of myself. I came out as trans and they tried to burry it, I can tell it's too much for them. I have felt ashamed of myself since 4th grade and only when I'm thousands of miles away in low contact do I find myself. I don't want to hold their hand through this, I want to get on with my life. And yet theres a level of underlying guilt that I can't move on. I don't think I have a choice though, I've realized how badly I want to move on from them in order to be me.

The real truth! As a Christian I got around 1000 friends , now I still have non off them because I’m transgender.

It is still annoying when my parents have issues seeing me as me, but I am not going to let their hangups hold me back. My biggest problem is how my own children can't accept my transition and their mother doesn't really help with that. She cares more about how comfortable they are and she is and being around and raising my children is an ultimatum I just can't give up even when it means being stuck in boy mode around them.

Dr Z thank you for your teaching. I am one of those you mentioned. Yesterday I turned 70 and have been living as myself now for 7 years. But it has been incredibly difficult. I still go to counseling because of how I've been made to feel. Developing a chosen family has failed for me as well... too many takers. I was told to leave town as I was an embarrassment to the whole family and was rejected and estranged by my own family I raised and provided for. It has been so very difficult to try to contiue to love and want to be with them. There is guilt heaped upon me by preventing me to see my grand children or kids and certainly never attend family gatherings. I continue to hope ntl that someday I can be reunited. I am playing your video over and over trying to hear, accept and understand. From the bottom of my heart thank for trying to help us 💖

I'm still in the waiting period (2 years now) of my wife giving full go ahead. I hope she will accept but if not I must move forward soon.

Powerful! Emotional! ...and on point! I've had a mixed deal really nothing too bad but nothing amazing either. Ups and downs the journey is long and difficult, but in the end it will be worth it. Thank you once again and forevermore Dr.Z x

+DRZPHD *As an autistic, I've the mental qualities of **_all_** genders due to a differently-abled neurology; was assigned male at birth, see no cause to present otherwise.* Haven't determined who among our fellow KZfaqrs would be in the best position for intervention in the cases of rejection and/or abandonment of transgenders, which is distantly related to the adverse-relational causes necessitating the attachment reprogramming taught by, among others, Professrix Thais Gibson of Personal Development School LLC.

This video made me cry because it was a great reminder to me that authenticity matters over everything. I’m still closeted currrently but I’m starting the process towards legally changing my name after having struggled internally with my gender identity to the point of lifelong suicidal ideation and multiple suicide attempts, having been in therapy on and off for the last 5 years (2018-end of last year - I’m searching for a new therapist) even if the issues with my family were just me being trans, that would still not be enough to maintain a connection with them. So I’m saving to move out, i opened a separate bank account that they have no access and I’m going to come out to them and cut them off during Pride month. Thanks Dr. Z

Thank you Dr Z, you words touched my heart, I carry so much guilt and shame from my family. The guilt and shame is tearing me up inside everyday. This video helped me today.

Thank you so much for making this video. I think you perfectly articulate the conflict I have had over the years of trying to accommodate the demands of abusive family members. I always felt guilt when I would prioritize my own mental health over the expectations of family members that never respected or acknwledged my trans identity.

My parents have been great so far, comparatively. I haven't fully come out but I have been hinting at it and easing them into it and so far they're very accepting. I still feel somewhat bad, I don't want to fully come out because I don't want to disappoint them. It's not like I haven't heard how many times they've implied their expectations for me. I also fear that they'll dismiss me when I bring up dysphoria with them. Say something like "you're just an effeminate man and that's okay" say I'm making it up, say I'm blowing things out of proportion, say it's just a phase, ECT. But I won't let fear stop me from pursuing happiness.

This last Sunday we had a Ceremony of life. For Evelyn Bailey. It was terrific. Fun and she was quite the character. She was a lesbian. She left behind. her wife . Her adopted daughter. She was a fighter for the lbgtq Community. She was like a mother to us all. I have been a member of this community coming out after about let’s say 57 year. Yes I have felt like a Girl. Since 7 years old. I came out about 4 months ago full-time I consider myself gender fluid since I can’t grow hair .I could never never . Get over the feeling of feeling female. My wife has become accepting which makes me feel great. Now I am working on my community. Kind of a mix. Evelyn encouraged everybody to come out Strong to comeu out loud. She didn’t have. Have much family. My senior. Group sponsored most of the ceremony. She was a fighter for gay rights since 1971. Rochester New York has been the center for gay rights. Till about 25 years ago. Till The organization had Financial difficulties. How unfortunate. Suffering from Mismanagement. So I have been told. My seniors group has achieved not-for-profit status. We have just achieved. What I am getting at is belonging to this group is the best thing I ever did. They are all heart. Evelyn Bailey got the best sendoff I have ever seen somebody to receive there were over 300 members of the LBGTQA+1 community. I was excepted and loved . I was very proud to be counted as Family. We were and still are her family. It was the best wake and largest I have ever been to. It was very touching. I just finally achieved resetting my mental health providers. In order to continue my journey. I am working on excepting myself. Concentrating on self-care. My heart aces for The Florida. LBGTQA+1. . It has been pointed out. That the Gay nightclub. I forgot the name but it was the worst mass shooting in the United States. With 66 Dead. You’re really never here about the anniversary of that shooting. Interesting!!! That’s the update of what I have learned from my group. I called my medical insurance to check out the protocol for transitioning. First step . You have to get. A letter from a psychologist. Determining the medical necessity to start hormones in order for approval. Of course they always reject first time request for more notes from the doctor. After reaching of approval. You dress full time . And take the horemons, blockers ECT. For one year. If surgery is a necessary treatment. Then A letter from a Psychiatrist and a psychologist must be submitted. Approval must be submitted to the insurance company. Of course approval will be rejected again he will need physicians notes which the physician. Will straighten out. My co-pay for my hip was about $1500. My surgery was about four hours. I am saying this because that’s about What The cost is for SRS surgery.. surgery was about $37,000. That is what’s been advertised for SRS. This would be just to gauge it. I would not know how much the horremones would be covered. I do have a deductible on medication which estrogen is. $10-$15. My health insurance cost me about $2000 a month. It’s expensive but if he had to pay cash. OMG. Most hospitals will set up a payment plan if you don’t have insurance. I think the added expense would be after care if you need an aid. I paid out about $35,000. I don’t think I really needed them I also had shoulder repair. Just before that when I had my hip, so the bill may be for both operations. Also if you are going to do electroless, three hour sessions. A week. $90 a session. The whole body takes about one year. May be a little longer. That’s $270 a week times 52 wow you might be able to find someplace cheaper. You might also prolong the process so it is. More financially feasible. But you might want to check. Sorry I got off track but I am no longer really talking to my family in Indiana. I was really shamed. I spent a lot of money to go see them just to get beaten up. I told the wife she is Jewish he was beating her up to for being Jewish. I don’t think he realized that I was wearing nail polish. Or is that my toes had polish also. He also talked about women’s rights so he was beating up all my aunts also. They were cool. But if they were going to invite him to family events I’d rather not get involved. He is ex military. Very much so. If he reflects What most of the military feels. It is very disconcerting. Matti. I wish I could send you the pictures and videos of the ceremony for Evelyn.

You've been through so much Dr Z and I like so many others are grateful that you are sharing your knowledge and expertise with the transgender community. Thank you.

You are so wise, you have very much wisdom. I loved this video it was very right and it got all the points. I abosultley love your channel.

Once again, you know precisely what issue weighs on my mind. This is what prevents me from presenting full time. I was afraid of looking like a man in a dress, but I have come to terms with that. What I fear now, is the expected judgement from family. The funny thing is, that I haven’t seen most of them in years. Yet, I fear what they would think, or perhaps I fear what will be said behind my back.

Thank you so so much!❤️🙏🏻

My family, as a whole, has disowned me. There are some cousins that still talk to me, but that's about it. My ex-wife still talks with me as a friend and my kids are supportive. Thankfully my work hasn't had an issue with me being myself (that I can tell) and I have found a local church that happily accepts me for me.

Thank you so much. I reallyy needed to hear this right now.

Just thank you

Wow. Thank you. I feel I'm on the right track.

You hit the nail on the head with me. Two of my siblings are religious conservatives, who are so self-righteous they think that, if they remain religious bigots (I'm being nice :)), I'll eventually adopt their way of thinking. We've had no contact for years, and they don't even know that I've legally changed my name and my gender. I'm actually fine with that; in fact if I was to die before any of them, (I'm the oldest; they're 5 - 9 1/2 years younger) I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't respect my last wishes, and would substitute their convoluted version of "God's will". I did have contact with one of my nieces awhile back, but I think that I deleted her email address when I discontinued "Lowell's" email. Perhaps I should try to locate the one sibling who is not a religious extremist, but I haven't. Obviously, family presents a unique problem; I can choose my friends, and "un-choose" those who don't accept me. :)

The card metaphor is something my dad told me when I was a kid. I was dealt a bad hand when it comes to family. My cousins are supportive but from a far away, they don't talk to me or anything, my dad I recently told him I was changing my name to be my feminine self, but we haven't spoken in weeks. But this is not new, I knew this was going to happen, but still, there is something in you that "hopes" things will work out, it hasn't done that for my marriage and now family. I still have to push forward. I still have to be me. Thanks for the video.

My being trans was the final straw that broke the camels back, not necessarily for my bio family (who didn't respect it, and were upset, but still wanted me to play the role in our toxic dynamics.) but eventually for me. My family was abusive growing up, I tried to placate them and create a healthy relationship with them for years, even having lived independently since I was 18, and paying my way since I was 14 before that. I had to learn how to be a self advocate and set boundaries, (my psych helped lol) about a month on t my mother snapped and let it all loose about how much she is sick of my gender shit. I never bothered in the years I was out to them correcting them, yet they treated me like I was a raging lunatic just for existing I guess. I decided a relationship with any of them was no longer worth my sanity. My chosen family and psych showed me that abuse was not normal, and I realised to break the cycle I had to get out. A year on T, almost 27 and I haven't spoken to any biofam of them for that time, my jobs supportive and my chosen family and friends are so happy for me, celebrating my wins with me and supporting my struggles. I never imagined life would be this close to peaceful, but for me, seperating myself from biofam has been worth it. I can treat my dysphoria medically without fear of disappointing others, and my psych can help me deal with my mental health for other things. Life's getting pretty good 👍

I am lucky enough to have an older sister who doesn’t understand the concept of being transgender but who fully supports me.

Back then I only hear "tolerated but not accepted" but now that I came out, I am accepted but not supported 🙃 It never ends lol

This is so true! I’ve had so much family abuse from my father molesting me for 17 years and my mother not being supportive and being very toxic when I even came out as lesbian, I’m so terrified to come out as trans because I know I’m going to lose her and she’s not the nicest person on the planet either. She has tendencies to verbally abuse me but I’m still so guilty for being me 😣 anybody going through something like this, my heart is with you!

So validating. Thank you 🙏

I had this guilt for a long time and this video made me feel better. All I know is that it takes time to accept and I never blamed them.

You are a lovely person, thank you x

Thanks for another great video, Doctor. Do you work with many older adults whose adult children do not approve (in varying degrees) of the transition, by chance?

Dr. Z you are an amazing woman. You are very beautiful inside and out! My favorite color is also black. I love the black background and I do my finger and toes black. Actually I get pedicures. I just wanted to say thank you for your kind words and for who you are. I love your accent as well. You're wonderful please keep up the good work.

This one really resonates with me. My family has totally disowned me. I had a wife and two kids, now I have nothing, I dont see them at christmas, or birthdays. It was my birthday two weeks ago - no one called. Not looking for sympathy, I know others are in the same boat, Im not special. It does however affect my mental health, depression is now common and increasingly i dont feel I can go on.

Family or codependent relationship. For me it’s hard to tell. When I was child I had fantasies of running away never to be seen again so that I could live my life how I wanted to. My older sister and older brother both committed suicide so our family is broken from that and I’m worried that I would destroy them even more. I tried to tell my mother without actually saying it and she asked if I was talking about suicide. I told her idk, which is a kind of messed up thing to say. I should’ve said the truth. I know they know what my situation is but I think they are either waiting for me to tell them or they’re hoping I don’t so things can stay the same. Maybe thats just a projection. Maybe I’m just scared to be me and am still looking for excuses not to be me and just using a false perception of what I think my family thinks of me to not take authorship of my own life.

Sorry, but I have to share this. I strongly dislike the fact that we have to explain how we feel to other people, especially family. It isn't because they are not supportive or really willing to do the work to understand our situation. That's entirely up to them. In my case, my guilt is due to feeling like my identity issues shouldn't affect others in a negative way. If they do, and have before, then I am the reason. The few close friends and family members that I have told are struggling. It's my problem and should not be theirs. Even knowing these feelings were buried deep within myself, I could not stop myself from wanting to have children. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I just wanted a family and worked with what I had. My marriage was a difficult relationship in so many ways. I tried to be loving and supportive, even when I disagreed with things, but I was never treated the way I wanted to be, and I could never really live up to the role that was expected of me. The perspectives were just all wrong. The roles always felt reverse in my opinion. I always knew my ex wouldn't understand, or care about, my feelings, so I never shared them. I tried to convince myself that I was crazy or some sort of fetishist. I buried those things and did my best to be "normal". We eventually divorced, but not for this reason. It was really hard to accept the fact that my ex didn't really see us as equals in the relationship. Maybe that's because I couldn't share certain things that I was feeling but, it didn't feel safe to do so. I carry that guilt, for knowing my ex didn't ask for this and wouldn't ever have wanted to be a part of it. Things didn't work out between us and by the time we divorced, we had children to share. I feel guilty for letting these feelings and desires control me in a way that could cause others to be grieved. The last thing that I ever wanted, was to feel like my children would suffer because of who I chose to marry and have kids with. They are my everything. The desire to have children was so overwhelming that I became clouded in my judgement. I should have been up front about all of these feelings, but I wasn't. My actions were selfish. I know this is the result of not living authentically. Now I struggle to do anything about transition, except listen and learn from others who feel similarly. I don't feel like I deserve it.

I recall being told that the original saying was, "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." So the bonds with the people we choose to be part of our family and friends can be stronger than the bonds between them members of the family that you're born into? Fortunately I haven't had my, is it referred to as "natal, " family disown me. There are some challenges with some members, but I don't see them all the time. Particularly during the recent, and still ongoing, pandemic.

This is an honest observation and question. No family is going to like what someone else does, especially a minor, regardless if it's a gender thing, a job choice thing, a screen time thing, or even a what time you get out of bed thing. Is this really in any way different from anyone else being harshly judged for gender dysphoria? Rather than avoiding those negative interactions, or being in a race to disown, isn't it better to be accepting of others' problems equally as it is that they accept yours? Is it particularly hypocritical to reject how someone else is because they reject how you are? I agree that a person should be cognizant of their own mental health when dealing with negative situations; however, isn't is better to manage what you control: how you internally handle those negative interactions as opposed to avoiding handling them? I'd like to note I have no skin in this game either way. I'm just curious about how all of this interplays and what may be the same and what may be different.

The blood of the battle is thicker than the water of the womb. This is the meaning of the phrase I usually find to be more true. However, it is sometimes reworded as 'blood is thicker than water' and the meaning reversed.

14:07 Thank you..

Hi Dr. Z! I wanted to ask about what happens when you may have bpd and or npd and you may be questioning your gender identity/may have gender dysphoria

The whole disowning part is exactly why I'm terrified to come out to my extended family and adopted family (i.e., my mom's friends who've become like aunts and uncles)... None of them would understand anyway, there's no point.

I have come out as non Binary transgender and my family won't acknowledge either identity. I can't even use my preferred identity at home or around their friends. I get in trouble so I constantly have to hear my given name Only time I hear my chosen name on phone or in person partner Friends. My given name is David only because i couldn't change my preferred chosen name is Quinn that my friends use

I think my brother was abused when he was younger... he is a transgender and happy now

Iam 65 if I come out now I will loose 90% of my family and friends, is it worth it? no to me I would hurt too many

What if your financially dependent on family because of ill health?

I like your cards metaphor. I am more into tarot cards than poker cards though. Poker implies winners and losers. With tarot it is about how you interpret your cards. When i first got my deck i always seemed to draw the hanged man and i thought i was being punished. But if you turn that card upside down it kind of just looks like a dude stretching his quads.

why is my trans daughter not treating me the same as before their transitioning? what about that?

I felt so much guilt sbout me . Thst i waited till my parents were de ceased ( waited 30 years family was clergy ( till i changing my body to align it to my transgenderness.

Fortunately I don’t feel any guilt at all, but my parents did abuse me for weeks/months after I came out to them tho, and I still don’t have a relationship with my dad because of it. I clearly told them, from the moment I opened my mouth to tell them who I am, that I was simply informing them of my decision, and my identity, and that it was off the table for debate, yet they gaslit and abused me anyway, trying to convince me that I’m not trans, which was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to experience. The pain of having loved ones try and convince you that you are someone that you are not, after discovering yourself for the first time in your life and then opening up to them to share that with them is indescribable. So fuck them, I have no guilt, only suffocating rage that I have no idea what to do with. I don’t know how to have a relationship with them, but I don’t think I can let them go either.

Well, that's a big one. I have no material complains about my family whatsoever. But thtat's it. My mother has bipolar disorder (I know she's had 4 suicida attempts in her lifespan, I ound her once, when I was eleven) and my father was a workoholic. Typical Catholic nuclear family. I'have two older brothers who were teens when I was born. So, my father was at work, my mother was (or is) f***ing always things up, and my brothers were living their lives (and always getting compared with them, and being treated as if I was less then them). I just studied, a lot. Two year after I finished college and one before getting my master's degree, my father is dyagnosed with cancer, and he dies one month before graduation. I had to stay with my mother and look after her (10 years since), and I can't move out because don't make enough money, although I am a litigator lawyer. On top of that, all of us were sued for some debts related to a company formally manged by my father 4 years after he died, taking 6 years more to finish the first instance and the appeal, and we were finally declared non guilty just a couple of months ago. No one in my family has ever helped me, or personally cared about me, and I just feel under scrutiny for anything I do. Extended family is not any better. Big shitty family...

Most of my family believes the republican social narrative. The whole "men should be men" thing. They're also racist. I don't blame them, I blame politics and religion for making them this way. I rarely see my family anymore and it sucks. It is what it is.

Can I ask you how much abuse should a family take from a transgender family member who has poor emotional regulation exacerbated by female hormones, and is trying to hijack everyone's intellect and reality by demanding everyone adopt their reality. In addition this family member has complex poorly treated psychological co-morbidities. Despite this person's poor mental health they have apparently been capable of giving informed consent to start female hormones that have demonstratively further deteriorated their mental health status. They are supported by their family despite abuse hurled at all family members including one with Down Syndrome by the transgender family member. Due to the mental health co-morbidities their family does not support a gender transition as it is causing deteriorating mental health and coping skills across all areas of the family members life. Despite clear evidence of acopia the transgender family member continues to be enabled to transition by medical professionals. The situation is completely lacking in critical thinking and outcome evaluation by anyone involved in the care plan. It's an absurd situation for a family to find themselves in as they are forced to suffer trauma and are relegated to passive observers when they know the person better than anyone. How should this be handled?

As a parent I’m seen as not being supportive. Yes, I’m not supportive of seeing my child commit a slow ritualistic suicide.