Learn How to Set Gender Transition Goals & Why Trajectory is the Key to Success!

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Күн бұрын

Don't get lost in not having a set structure or paying way too much attention to goals. Its not just about goals when it comes to successful transition.
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👉NOTE: I work solely with adults and all video content is marked for adults only. As such, the information shared is based from experience working with adults only.
🙋‍♀️Hello! I am a clinical psychologist or gender therapist, specializing in transgender field and I work with adults only. I provide online therapy for California, New York, Texas and Florida residents. My pronouns are she/her and you can visit my website for more info at www.drzphd.com.
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🙌VISIT: drzphd.com
😀DISCLAIMER: Note as a clinical psychologist I created this channel to share information. Therefore I won't be providing or offering therapeutic advice. I am also not a medical doctor. When I speak on medical issues such as hormones or surgical procedures, the goal is to share information, and not to provide medical advice and you should always consult with your medical doctor. Additionally, this channel is for those seeking information, understanding, and to gain awareness.

Пікірлер: 88

@nikolasb5111 2 жыл бұрын

You're amazing, Dr. Z!! You deserve *several humanitarian award(s) of some kind (if you don't have one already). Maybe the APA international humanitarian award?? What you're doing for the trans community is enormous ❤❤❤

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you! No award here but hearing my subscribers share how helpful content is, is the biggest award there is for me.

@ChrisSollinger 2 жыл бұрын

true! xx

@elsieparker8802 2 жыл бұрын

My transition has been driven by....Frozen II 😂 Specifically, the song "The Next Right Thing" has kept me moving forwards. Whenever I am crushed by dysphoria, I eventually turn to that song. It acknowledges the painful, dark place I'm in, and reminds me that the way out is to take a tiny step towards the light. And that's what I've done over and over again. It's the tiny things, just like you said-- signing a form, making a phone call, doing some research. Those tiny steps make me feel less helpless and hopeless, and over time they build up and take me where I need to go. I haven't made concrete lists of goals and steps like you suggested-- my ADHD brain doesn't like lists). That said, I know my goals and what I need to do next. I couldn't agree more about breaking it down into tiny little planks though!

@pollygirl3049 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Elsie for suggesting this song. I just listened to it and is is so beautifully uplifting. It beats my favorite " There is beauty in a breakdown ." As for lists - i have mine on scraps of paper all over my house. Then i ignore them. Go figure !

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

@Elsie Parker if you dont like lists, than visually lay out each plank leading to the house and name it as micro goal. Could be as small as listening "The Next Right Thing" for motivation.

@freyjafoy6081 2 жыл бұрын

This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I have been getting overwhelmed with trying to get things lined up and the amount of time it all takes. I recently booked a consultation for FFS, but the earliest appointment they had was for September 2022. Thankfully, there are other things to focus on in the meantime. Thank You for this great lesson!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Yes focus on other micro steps and remember, transition is not all external body modification, it is also internal confidence building and awareness raise.

@lisafullmer2032 2 жыл бұрын

I had a major setback. About a month ago I had emergency surgery to remove a blood clot, because of that my doctor took me off of estrogen. When they put on estrogen they warned me I was an increase for blood clots. I rolled the dice and I lost, I was devastated

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear!

@infonode1783 2 жыл бұрын

You're doing amazing work, thank you. Just two weeks ago, I wouldn't have even considered that I might be trans. I think I'm still in shock, it's hard to grasp how something so big about oneself could have remained covered up. I'm lucky in a way that before now I've had to uncover and process through a number of pretty difficult things within myself, so I know I'm capable of working with this. I've never even seen myself as particularly strong. If you're a trans/nonbinary/questioning person reading this than keep in mind that you're probably a lot stronger and can endure a lot more than you believe. Questioning something so fundamental about yourself is in itself an incredibly brave and difficult thing to do, take that as a sign of your own strength and keep getting back up when you fall.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@saskia316 2 жыл бұрын

I have been trying on and off to get "here", that is acknowledging dysphoria and doing something about it after decade upon decades in a binary world. So I don't feel strong, but rather more perseverant and faux naive in coping, dancing around it with a positive and enthusiastic zest for the "positive" things....because secretly I was miserable and ashamed at having been taught what happens when you cross or near taboo boundaries in a family, in a community. What has kept me going was a love of art, music, nature, and kindness, and wanting to express that awe in the world. But I need to see clearly to act clearly, so I'm allowing myself to move forward, and I may find out how strong I really am, as opposed to tolerant of pain and discomfort as given: the binary landscape. I agree about Dr.Z! Same for me! Thank you, Infonode and Dr. Z!

@LWeOAreVOneE Жыл бұрын

I teach high school Algebra I, and your description of the dots having an overall upward trajectory reminded me of scatterplots. The dots aren't all on the line, but the overall correlation is positive.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Ohhh right, thank you, scatterplots! Exactly what I meant.

@andy_cg 2 жыл бұрын

Hugely helpful way to visualise and (hopefully) track progress. Thank you. I'm just at the start of my transition journey (and way late in the day!) and your videos are really helping me to find some sense out of the emotional spaghetti-tangle in my brain. Love you Dr Z - you are my guru!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad to hear it was helpful! Just keep your eye on small tangible goals and before you know it you will reach the big one.

@leamissyoy 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you!!!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome!

@veronicawest3749 2 жыл бұрын

another great vid DR Z ... keep them coming and be well !

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks, you too!

@Felicia1 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so very much for this Dr. Z! I needed this badly. 💃

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome and I am glad it was helpful!

@christinabecerra8684 2 жыл бұрын

I think the goals and trajectory idea makes good sense. Thank you for your help with my process. I will listen to more of your recordings and get back to you.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad to hear.

@amyashlyn9293 2 жыл бұрын

Excellent video. Wish I had seen it in my 1st year of transition. I just shared it with a new trans person.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@heathermichellepetee927 2 жыл бұрын

Helpful indeed - having the visuals to reference from time to time is very helpful - as I spend time with my therapist I realize when we circle back to some items we originally started with I'd forgotten to keep referring to those from time to time and it showed that all the little things need to be handled and re-handling - not done once or twice and then move on - it's the accumulated bsics that build a strong foundation. Thank you for reminding me AND making me use a WRITTEN goals charting. Love the idea.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad to hear it was helpful.

@missianthrope3287 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for a productive guide with the visual imagery. I paused the video and created my list of houses. I look forward to building the bridges to get across the waters of life. I appreciate your energies and all that you provided for us. Thank you 💕

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

So glad to hear you find it helpful!

@madscientistme 2 жыл бұрын

This might actually be helpful for me. Thank you!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad!

@s.ribeiro1836 2 жыл бұрын

I loved the metaphor. I've been stuck for years, and I did some improvements, but very, very slowly and it was very hard. I want to spend that energy to make things happen now. Thank you as always, Dr. Z!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful.

@sexymama1966 2 жыл бұрын

i have my grs goals on my wall, so i can look at them when i need to. i have "more money to make", "electrolysis", therapist, and "surgery". it took me 30 years to get to this point, because of finances. i'm sure that there will be more goals as in "consultation" to add to my wall. i wanna factor in that will be delays and life interruptions but i want to keep in mind that i will go up, regardless of the small blips that may occur.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Keep your eyes on your goals! All the best to you.

@jamieonbottom5808 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you very much. You are so great!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

You are welcome.

@fionaleigh6748 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Doctor Z. Thank you for the video, I needed to hear it. Fell off my horse yesterday and broke a plank or two but marshaling my resolve again. Actually I'm doing a lot of what you are saying. It's basic common sense but when one feels low it's all clouded, dysphoric and meh. Thanks for helping me feel I'm getting some where after all💕🙏

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing. There is always an opportunity to re-pair your plank and in a long term, it all adds up to progress.

@LeahT6317 2 жыл бұрын

Fantastic advice! I'm moving forward not as fast as I want but keeping steady doing those micro actions The ideal of listing them and what steps are needed never dawned on me! It's funny I have been researching surgeons for BBL and body contouring and looking for a good voice therapist. The biggest problem for me is not having any organization for my task/planks. I can map this out on the computer so I can set up reminders and alarms. I been following your advise of small steps this will help me take many!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful and I wish you all the best!

@Phoenixryu 2 жыл бұрын

I actually made a list a few months ago! Now that my goal of finding a job has been reached and a few minor ones I'm looking forward to a bit more momentum in the coming months.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Wishing you all the best.

@carterkentboi 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. 🏘

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Welcome!

@tremereowen 2 жыл бұрын

@DR ZPHD, thank you very much for your insights, they are really useful. One thought about this is, given that you are able to set a timeline in the way you proposed, does it make any sense to feel fear and get frozen and what could it mean? For example: you have been plucking out your face , you feel it is not enough and now youare considering facial hair removal, so decide you want to do it at home with an IPL machine, you search the web, choose a device, you find an unbeatable price, and still manage to split it in four with no charges, all good, but suddenly, you think "wait, thisi is FOREVER", so you get scared and do nothing. I mean, where does this come from?

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Hi and thanks for sharing. Yes it is common to encounter fear as you take small steps. It can be a combination of fear/affirmation and can breed more confusion. The important think is to ask yourself if you are OK with some permanent changes or willing to take a risk on them to see if you will feel better. Sadly there are some things on transition path that are not always what we may fully want or there is always a risk. It goes with that saying, need to break an egg to make an omelette.

@michaelslutsky 2 жыл бұрын

Should you do something if you want it, but aren't dysphoric about it? Say I want bottom surgery but it doesn't bother me too much. I know you said to start planning it out in case it's something that may be dysphoric later, but what if I just want it because of preference.

@KZ66100 2 жыл бұрын

I think you should simply do what you want to do. There is nothing to gain from worrying about how dysphoric or not you are about that particular aspect of yourself.

@samlennarorygriffiths2823 2 жыл бұрын

Whether consciously dysphoric about the bottom surgery, I think you need to keep in mind that it is a major operation that can take of the order 3 months to recover from. You should ask yourself why you want it, weigh up the pros and cons, then decide if it is still for you. Local or on-line counselling can help with this process.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

@ms to be honest, if one does not have dysphoria toward particular body part, I do not see surgery as an option. But thats just my view. What I recommend in this video is to consider that doctors may have waiting lists and take longer than you expect and not having dysphoria now may not be an indicator that it won't arise. If it arises and causes you significant distress, at least you have something lined up. If it does not arise, personally, and again this is just my view, I think going through huge surgery while this body part does not bother you is something to consider exploring with local therapist.

@michaelslutsky 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD Thank you Dr Z. I want you to know I always really value your take and appreciate everything. I'm in my 30s, married with kids, and your videos really helped me begin figuring things out and process all of my childhood memories (and now work with a therapist too) a few months back. This is quite a journey that is somehow both very rewarding and very challenging at the same time. Thank you for all of your videos (side note: I'm Russian too - living in America now)

@samlennarorygriffiths2823 2 жыл бұрын

For me, I started social transitioning about 2 months ago and currently expect to have completed my primary social transitioning goals by the end of this year (main planks being speaking to people individually, changing my identity on various services/accounts - most of this has been completed, just some loose ends left). My current end-goal is to complete surgical transitioning with-in the next 31 months, and at least start medical transition with-in the next 6 months. However, if I keep with the current NHS based UK transition path I will not be medically transitioning for at least 4 years based on currently available information. This essentially means that in order to achieve my goals I will have to go private, but getting reliable and consistent guidance from the NHS seems like an impossible mission in the UK. My planks for achieving medical/surgical transition are unclear at this point, but my first plank will probably be to sign up with an online gender service which was recommended to me by a member of staff from my local GP surgery (another GP surgery just pointed me at counselling services).

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like you have a great plan in place.

@samlennarorygriffiths2823 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD sometimes it does not feel like a good enough plan, and sometimes I doubt it is achievable, but starting to think of the mini goals as planks helps a little. I may need to be more pragmatic with the time line of my end goal but we shall see. Thanks for these videos, I sometimes find myself watching them again when I hit a rut.

@ericszilagyi8214 2 жыл бұрын

You're just a man with a wig on. Who are you kidding? I just expect you to be decent and don't pressure lesbians to sleep with you.

@elizabethsmith9624 2 жыл бұрын

I was wondering if you could make a video on what to do if you've allowed repressing being trans to destroy your life. I'm 31 and used the excuse of my mother having early onset Alzheimers to live at home for 8 years. I basically just did dog walking for that time and didn't further my life at all... I basically haven't experienced anything and am dealing with obsessive thinking and rumination. What is your advice for someone who doesn't have a career or friends and just lots of self-loathing and fear? I'm in NY and have tried to find a gender therapist but I want a therapist who's really experienced with trans people and/or gender non-confirming or trans and all I'm getting are wait lists.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Hi and I am sorry to hear of your struggles. Will add to my topic list.

@nadnali6964 2 жыл бұрын

Hello Dr Z your videos are so helpful I always watch them and recommend them to my trans friends I’m a trans feminine person I’ve been on and off HRT for years now I always go back to it I was self medicating of course I know it’s risky but unfortunately it’s the only option where I live can you please make a video about hormone replacement therapy for non-binary trans feminine people I find it hard to know how to deal with my gender nonconformity while being on HRT

@nadnali6964 2 жыл бұрын

Side note: I already watched your video titled “non binary you want to avoid this mistake” and I’ve thought about it a lot

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. I will add to the list.

@ceciliocedonoblocnote 2 жыл бұрын

I'm ftm pre-everything and decided to see a psychologist in order to gain enough self confident to start my transition but i have to find a way to pay her and i've always been so scared AF of little jobs, like i'm scared to mess up and be yelled at... My dysphoria's been terrible these past days and i really wanna start my transition, but I have to convince a psychiatrist that i'm transgender in order to have their letter for starting T and i'm scared i won't convince them. I'm also scared i'll have to do the mastectomy at the same time because it'll be weird to have beard and breast at the same time... It will be a lot of stress at the same time and idk if i can handle this? (Also I doubt my mother will very much like it even though she says she's supportive for the moment?) So all this makes me very depressed, since i'm also trying to finish studies i don't like so much? I hate my life so much, it's pathetic how i'm always doing the worst choices possible, as if i was trying to ruin my life... I never cared about it until i realised i was trans and now i feel like i don't wanna die anymore but it's so hard to see the end of the tunnel sometimes... I wish I wouldn't feel a think like I used to. Sorry for this, i needed to vent :(((((

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I wish you well.

@ebonyatropus7367 2 жыл бұрын

I think for me, just knowing what has to be in order for another thing to happen. So for now, it's me getting approved for hormones, while in the meantime I can get ready with losing weight and having hair removal. After 1 year of hormones, I will hopefully be ready for plastic surgery, as I want full FFS, with extra custom work on my nose, cheekbones, lips, and jaw. After that, I will be ready for breast augmentation. Throughout all of this, I can continue to work on my voice....... Finally after all these puzzle pieces are in place, I will fill that final void with bottom surgery. So for me, seeing things as a puzzle being put together, or a scaffolding is how I've been envisioning it.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like you got a great outline of your transition.

@ebonyatropus7367 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD Thank you!! Really love these videos

@jacksonsquat05 2 жыл бұрын

I have been having difficulty lately due to this. I am transmasc, and a teenager, but my mom says I cannot start transitioning medically (puberty blockers, HRT, top surgery etc) until I am older and in a better place mentally. I have made some progress, but it's very slow. I have reached out to a lot of my trans friends for help and advice, but a lot of them were able to transition before 18, and that is very uninspiring for me because I know I will most likely not be able to transition to a point where I am happy until I am older and move away, because where I live, there is little to no trans healthcare or clinics that provide hormone therapy. I would like to know if my mom is right about this, and not just her being against me. Waiting until 18 or after seems very difficult because I am already uncomfortable, unhappy, and depressed everyday having to deal with gender dysphoria. At times I just want to give up because this process is so long, draining, and I feel very unmotivated. I can't even go out in public because of the dysphoria. Anyways, if anyone has any advice, that would be awesome.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and please note my channel is marked for adults only. Also I would caution about seeking advice from steranes on the internet.

@darcymacchic 2 жыл бұрын

I wondered how strange it is that while taking hormones I feel great, so great that after I have been on them that for nine months to a year I stop. Then after three to four months I start having dysphoria again?

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that. Dysphoria does that.

@Genevieve111 2 жыл бұрын

Hi... 58 y/o female born with male reproductive tract. I've been a crossdresser since 3 y/o. Just in the last 5-6 years I've become very gender disphoric. The yearning to be everything female grows stonger by the day. Top of my list is Vaginoplasty. I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing this with my current GP. Will have to find a GP that is Trans friendly and Will Not Judge. What is the best way to go about this? Thank you for your videos Dr. Z. They are very helpful. Love you so much... Gen...

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. Best to seek support of a therapist near you.

@DerilVStubenrod 2 жыл бұрын

I have come out at work, home and friends as a transgender woman (M2F) and have even looked for a job at an LGBTQ friendly employer. I do not have dysphoria about the length of my hair. Im fine with a short, but feminine hairstyle. I cannot wait to have a feminine physique and voice. I want to get rid of my body hair and have vaginoplasty. If I could 100% transition right now, I would do this in a heartbeat. But I am a little unclear on mapping this all out. I have slowly started clothing purchases and even started that part of the transition too. Can you help? How do I map this out?

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and if you need direct help best to reach out to therapist in your area.

@DerilVStubenrod 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD Thanks for your reply and yes, I have reached out to a local mental health counselor. In fact, I have an appointment with her this week. I have just come to rely on all sources of valued input of which you are most definitely on that list. Your common sense and logic based approaches have helped put the informational puzzle together for me in so many ways.

@danielbrigham3233 Ай бұрын

Why have love? When love has you by your gonad?

@Gabriel-sn6yg 2 жыл бұрын

I don't know what I want... I cannot even do the first step...

@glennllewellyn7369 2 жыл бұрын

Be adult.

@Gabriel-sn6yg 2 жыл бұрын

@@glennllewellyn7369 Being an adult can undo trauma?

@samlennarorygriffiths2823 2 жыл бұрын

You might want to try joining a local or on-line LGBTQ+ friendly support group, there are at least a couple on facebook. Alternatively or additionally, try seeking either local or on-line counselling. Depending on locale, you may be able to gain access to suitable services via your local GP.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

@Gabriel the first step may be to reach out for support in a local community.

@rinasremains 2 жыл бұрын

why do you look like edna mode

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Just so happened.

@ericszilagyi8214 2 жыл бұрын

Leave stereotypes non-conforming people alone, "doctor"! They don't need butchering enablers.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing your point of view. I completely agree not all non conforming ppl need medical or surgical intervention, however, many do choose to.

@danielbrigham3233 Ай бұрын

Why have love, when love has you by your gonads?