I struggled with paralysis analysis. But I got out of it by realizing that I want to transition and that transition is the only thing that will keep gender dysphoria from haunting me.

I spent a lot of time focused on just the negative aspects: worrying about losing loved ones (I didn't), challenges at work (they've made me feel supported), fear of dealing with our healthcare system (it hasn't been _that_ bad), fear that I'd never pass (strangers can't tell *or* if they do they are too polite for me to notice), worry about encountering transphobia (it happened at a point where I was vulnerable but I still stood up for myself), and more. What I didn't focus on was the positive, and they have already outweighed all the negatives.

As someone with OCD this type of paralysis can be awful. It can trick and confuse you, especially when your OCD and logic mind are warring. I feared obsessively that I’d hate transition and I’d be this disgusting butchered mess and realised this was a manifestation of a fear of losing my looks as I’m vain and that matters to me. It’s also a case of truly not knowing what any type of medical transition will do to my face (which is already quite masculine and I like it). That unknown was causing the anxiety. I was more afraid of the worst outcome possible in theory than I was about actually transitioning or it even happening.

I swear every video you make gives me a sensation like you’re reading my mind. It’s good to know I’m not alone in these things.

Oh this is exacly what I needed right now. I gess what I commented on another video was actually this, but with me it's more of a loop if the same fears over and over again, asking myself if all the risks are worth it because I'm fine atm even though I may have been miserable 5min ago, even though I used both what I feel deep down and cold analytical logic and both say that for me transition is the solution and it's positives will easily outweigh the negatives. For me what usually helps are affirming experiences or a dysphoria so big that it completely overshadows those looping thoughts, but this is not the healthiest solution

Soooo there right now. With coming out, with how far to go, with all of it. I usually get out of it by talking to my people, or actually reading success stories. If they are struggling and can eventually get over it, so can I.

Exactly what I needed. Experiencing this right now and have been for the last few weeks (or even months). I've actually started my medical transition, but I've been caught in a cycle of overanalysing every action and thought as evidence that I am or am not trans enough. Overthinking everything is exhausting, and I absolutely get that paralysis feeling where I don't know what to do and I have lost sight of what originally motivated me to transition in the first place. In addition to the things you mentioned (which have been very helpful), one of the most helpful things I have found is to go back to the place I was at just prior to transitioning (e.g. by looking at old photos or videos, or listening to the audio I recorded of voice Changes from testosterone, old journal entries) and then comparing it to now. It helps remind me that I've still come a long way and despite all that fear I'm in a better place than I was, and that thoughts are probably just that - thoughts. Anyway I hope that helps someone, this video really helped me today as always! Thank you 😊

Dear dr Z, two weeks ago I wrote that I hadn’t started “renovating my house” because I’ve been paralysed with fear of what the neighbours and other people would think. Thank you so much for today’s video. It’s becoming clear to me that I have been overthinking my whole transition way too much. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve already done a lot of things to get where I am now (I gave up my life/work/relationship in Spain and moved back to the Netherlands) but something stops me from actually transitioning. And I see it now. It’s a combination of fear, overthinking, perfectionism and also avoidance (something you mentioned in another video that really hit home). I’ll start writing things down. Reading the other comments also helps a lot. Thank you again dr Z, for all you do for us! 🧡

5:03 you made a incredible point and cant lie it made me pause the video and stare off in to space for a while ... touché dr. z you win this round (btw if you ever feel like doing a live stream i'd love to see it be it a video game or a show and tell , jewelry haul, craft along, you name it) you're always doing these for us and you're just the best thank you dr. z !!!

This video came at the perfect time. I have analyzed so much that even though I’ve wanted feminizing effects of HRT my whole life and experienced dysphoria, sometimes I cannot even feel the desire to transition because I’ve over-interrogated myself.

The thing I most often overthink is ”What if I’ll detransition” and I’m just really scared to come out cause what if I’ll regret it? What if it’s all just a phase? I find that super scary.

I managed to break the analysis paralysis through two things: 1. Being able to see people who transitioned into better versions of themselves and being happy that they did so, despite all the challenges. 2. Wishing that even a piece of this happiness could be mine. Honestly the scales were pretty tipped already for me, but there was one last question that sealed the deal... "Do I want to grow old as a woman or as a man?" I felt the answer was pretty clear and that meant that it was time to really push forward.

Just coming here to say I have experienced this and actually had a break through earlier today thanks to your videos Dr. Z!!! I've lately seen myself approaching that sort of feminine tipping point you've referred to after 2 years on hormones and I had started to wonder if I was taking medical transition too far (I identify as nonbinary she/they). Well on a walk this morning, I was thinking "ok, whats the worst case scenario of continuing hormones at the very least?" and i just imagined myself essentially presenting as a woman and the biggest sense of relief washed over me. I've spent all this time wondering "how far to go" as if I'm just moving my body along the gender spectrum a few clicks a year and that's just what I will be forced to identify as.... but I can want to be clocked as a woman while also identifying as nonbinary entirely. These things are not mutually exclusive. My actual "worst case scenario" would be living as a man. That's so much more frightening than any risk of detransition further down the line. Like you said Dr. Z, it's a tradeoff and I feel so much better. There was an NPR story about this nonbinary kid who was under the age of 10 and they were asked what they wanted to do as far as transitioning and they said "I don't know, I'll just have to live it" and they were SO CONFIDENT that it empowered me from afar. Ok sorry for the long comment, thanks Dr Z!

I love your Videos! They help me so much!

Absolutley true, however dysphoria is gone and I'm content. It kept me away for years. Family do come back, I wish I did this when I was young. I gave up in 2000 because of fear . I decided to do this for myself.

*"MENTAL MASTURBATION"* 🤔... 😏🎆 Dr Z, that's probably THE BEST (and most fun 😋!!) term I've heard in my 46 years of life that describes overthinking. Can I put that on a t-shirt? 👕😸 Yet another very very helpful, concise and relevant video. I REALLY look forward to seeing you each week and listening to you explain topics that are incredibly timely for me (and I'm sure many others!). Thank you, as always, for sharing your thoughts and insights with us. This was a great way to start my day 😊 xo Jordan 🌈⚧🇨🇦

Even just the concept of these videos helps me!! It reminds me that I'm not the only person who struggles with these problems

My mind plays endless tricks on me, I'm even doubtful whether I am actually trans. Like standing by the threshold of an open door, unable to walk into the sun. Afraid that my son will laugh at me, afraid to hurt someone, of being told I'm deluded.

Came just at the right time thank you very much for this video as far as getting out of this way of thinking I always try to take a step back mentally and evaluate what's actually most likely to happen vs catastrophizing thinking

super helpful. especially the book analogy. thank you for sharing your knowledge.

Paralysis analysis, analysis paralysis! This little phrase must ring true with so many of us, stood behind the door 🚪 waiting to open it and walk through. Dr Z, I don’t know if I’m through the door and into the light yet but I know finding a therapist to work with and starting to do regular sessions and homework and write things down and sketch little diagrams to describe double existences, support networks, pros and cons were the tools that have eventually started to straighten my spaghetti thoughts out and help open that door 🚪. Now I have the chance to peek through and and soon I be stepping through and into the world 🌍 with confidence. Thank you for reinforcing this in all of your videos.

Thank You so much for this! I really needed to hear it. Moving forward with transition can seem so daunting, but taking action definitely brings relief. Overthinking just causes frustration and delays the accomplishment of our goals.

I’ve definitely been guilty of this, both now and in the past and thankfully I’m aware enough of ‘it’ to push through and make a decision and just learn whatever lesson needs learning. Once again, your video has arrived at a good time for me to receive the message, THANK YOU for your valuable time and knowledge Dr.Z.

You perfectly described what I went through, for three months, back on 2017. It was such an intense roller coaster of emotions. The potential positives and my need to transition eventually outweigh the potential negatives. Thank you for sharing! This video helped clarify what was occurring during this time in my life.

There are a lot of really great points in this. I really appreciate the thing about feelings just being feelings and sometimes they're not even relevant. I think that entire concept is so important because so often we get taught that feelings are like facts and that just isn't the case. Going to share this video with my lgbtq group. I think everyone will geta lot of it.

Great breakdown! I love the list idea this is a great help!

This has actually happened to me a couple times

I find that I am at that stage right know. My wife sat me down to get me to calm down and analyze. I was overthinking the entire process and it became overwhelming. I have not come out yet to family and friends nor have I started physical transition, however, I am aiming to get the ball rolling sometime soon. Very informative video, thank you so much Dr. Z it helped me immensely. I am going to stop overthinking and stop letting other peoples stories and experiences influence my goal and outcome.

Dr. Z, thanks for these videos. I wish you were my doctor. I recently came out to myself and close family members and one close friend. Now my paralysis analysis is stuck on thinking I'll never pass and being too scared to go out in public for the first time for fear of transphobia. I've got myself too worked up to even buy new clothes when I need some whether they are more masculine or feminine. I'm worried the masculine clothes with make me more dysphoric and that the feminine clothes will make folks be transphobic to me if I don't pass well enough in them. Maybe I just need some of each until I feel comfy enough to go in public with my new feminine clothes.

I definitely heard others and applied that to my thoughts. Very toxic. I have in most calm and happy euphoric, just being honest with me and my wife.so much better just letting go of the past negative days. I'm just starting to kinds social transition with family and friends. My therapist really helped me accept me for who I am. Bright future. Thank you.

Hi Dr Z. Thanks for the amazing videos they've been indescribably helpful. It's brought me some comfort and relief today to watch this with your other video "Questioning if you're doing the tight thing?" Writing things down has always proven really effective for clarifying my own thoughts so thanks for providing those good lines of questioning to follow. Also a big thank you to everyone who's shared their own experiences. I was curious have you written any books before? You defiantly should if not :)

Dr. Z you are an essential to the Trans community. Thank you for being there for us.

Grest video, learned alot as usual Dr.Z. 🙂🙂

I love your hair!! So pretty!!

This is definitely what’s been keeping me from coming out... It’s been driving me crazy the last couple of months. I’m talking about it with my coach tho and she’s getting a gender therapist for me so I can talk about it better. My biggest fear is that I’m gonna regret transitioning. I’m 18 at the moment

I get that a lot for a lot of things; although, I must say it's getting better as I get older.

This is literally me. Today. Dr Z gets be again 👍🏾

You're my hero

Hi! After 48 years the paralysis stop me to take the desicion to be a woman and to day I look forward to enjoy my life and see me turning in to a woman outside! Thanks for your video's Doctor Z love you wonder woman!

I've spent too many years thinking and wondering and finally decided to try and go for it. What do I have to lose besides my sense of self and happiness? Win,win, regardless of societal norms and acceptance. Just wish I could snap my fingers sometimes and be there. Problem is I need the time to adjust and accept the new "norm". Think that's going to be a very big part of the adjustment process.

I deal with paralysis analysis with my art projects :c I have so many ideas for comics, short comics, books, games, 3d printing, painting, etc. and sketching too! But I let the voices of doubt discourage me from taking action on these goals :C It makes me feel a bit sad and stagnant and its something I would love to try to break out of

yep, all. The. Time. Always looking at the potential bad results of any decision or action. Working on it, but old habits are hard to break.

The story of my life again, Dr. Z. I managed to do that for about 45 years regarding transition...

My paralysis analysis is mostly related to me seeing a guy and my mind immediately thinks “would u still be trans if u looked like him “ and stuff like that I don’t like it because it pushes me back to the questioning phase

While I don't have paralysis on whether to transition (I'm actively transitioning, full speed with everything I have: spiritually, mentally, physically... on all levels), I'm completely paralyzed over what to do next in terms of, well, life. Currently I'm married and live at home with my wife and 2 kids, but that's all going to change. My wife is a wonderful woman, but our marriage had been in trouble for reasons and for many years before transitioning entered the picture. Transitioning did turn out to be the final straw in this regard, but I'm looking at this as a mostly good thing. I think that she will also, in time. But I'm absolutely mired in analysis paralysis in terms of where to live next, what do to next in terms of career, or whether to even try to work as I haven't really in 5 years as I've been pursuing disability very half-heartedly (I'd say I'm in the grey area on this) as well as trying to figure out what to do next with my life. So many unknowns. It's proving daunting to me to sometimes make progress on relatively small decisions, let alone the big ones. And with no support on the home front now, moreso. Fortunately I've joined a support group for trans women and was already in a couple for chronic pain, and they have been absolutely wonderful in terms of providing me with both general and specific support for me in terms of moving forward, so I'm hopeful that a path will become clear for me. One thing I've found frustrating is the lack of medical research on HRT. One really must do one's homework and advocate for one's self in this area. I'm a scientist by training, and analyzing the data that is available (a chunk of which is anecdotal) is like, my worse nightmare. Partly because my background is not in medicine and partly because I tend to overthink problems I try to tackle in a very big way. So this is like the perfect nightmare for me. But I'm extremely fortunate to have the healthcare I have (for how much longer remains to be seen as it's through my soon to be ex-wife) and these people are genuinely trying to help me. And I love them for it. So that's my deal. I wish you all the best of luck with your pursuits, be they similar or not. Peace to all and blessed be.

I definitely over analyse everything in regards to transitioning. I know that if I could snap my fingers I would choose to be a female every time. It seems so simple and yet so complex at the same time.

This is me, like totally, seriously, I'm always overthinking, which is actually good for my job but terribly detrimental for everything else. And that is not only regarding transition, but all major aspects of my life (and also writing a book hahaha).

Jeez, you make much sense...

Sorry for the late reply, but this is what I have been doing as well. For my transition, I may not have a million different scenarios, but I think I am up to plan G right now, in case Plan A, B, C, D, E, or F don't succeed. But at this point it doesn't matter too much, I am finally going to start a psychological assessment of my Gender Dysphoria this coming Friday. The next step will be to start HRT. The rest of it can wait for now. One step at a time is the best way I have found to overcome paralysis analysis. What is the most important task to start, work on, complete? Then do it. Then, I go on to the next most important task do it, and so on. When I start thinking about everything I have to do, it just becomes too overwhelming for me to do anything. In my life, many things seem to be aligning right now. Last year I discovered I had body disassociation and gender dysphoria. Once I am on HRT, there is no rush to do things, I will keep going one step at a time.

My trouble with PA is that when I'm presented with a scenario it feels like dozens of scenarios pop up in my head and I end up going through all of them. I've decided to move forward with transition even if it's only one inch at a time. It might take a bit longer than I'd like but this looks to be the only path forward that may lead to a degree of relief.

istg, I NEVER KNEW OTHER TRANS PEOPLE EXPERIENCE THAT, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING THIS VIDEO, IM SUBSCRIBING. i feel so much better knowing other trans people go through the same thing where they freak out and pause everything in their head without meaning to. The thing is tho, im very very VERY scared about transitioning (MTF) not for changes in my body or how ill be treated, i WANT to be treated and see myself and be seen as a woman. im just VERY scared of the consequences society is gonna take, like sexual harassment, r*pe, overall unsafeness in the street, etc etc. is that valid? has anyone else felt that?

No! It's that I would hurt other people!!! Hurt my loved ones! Harm them in the tribe!! I can't stand the pain of other people in pain!

Right now my biggest hurdle is coming out to my mother. My father died at the end of 2021. Just before that i had made a decision that i was going to try to transition, but on my fathers death i needed to move in with my mother to help her. Now that harder times are over i feel the need to transition more than ever, and i’m seeing the way that my desire for total privacy to figure this out is actually pushing me away from my mother. but every time i’m about to tell her i just get locked up. I think “this is another thing for her plate. something else for her to possibly feel guilty about. some other challenge that will make life difficult”. Yesterday, for father’s day, i went to my fathers grave and wrote my thoughts out. It was my way of telling him. and it gave me a lot of courage. writing it out helped to frame what i want my message to my mother to be. and i think i am ready to talk to her today. Because as Dr Z says, if i keep hiding this it’s only going to drive a wedge deeper into a relationship i am trying to repair. thank you Dr Z!

2:48 There you go.

I think for most the issue of absolute certainty is what is driving these thoughts. Am I or am I not. It is like trying to decide if you like this kind of fruit or that kind. We can't know untill we take the first bite. And it might be like coffee an aquired taste. I don't like it now for a number of reasons, but who knows, I might like it better tomorrow for the same reason. So over analyizing it won't replace the actual act of tasting it. In a rush to label ourselves as coffee drinkers or fruit haters can only put limits the possibility that tomorrow I might like oranges but don't care to much for cappuccino. The key would be allowing,giving ourselves the right to find out.

I have to keep reminding myself that the perfect is the enemy of the good, a quote most commonly attributed to Voltaire, but also echoed by Aristotle, Confucius and even Shakespeare. In short it is a problem mulled over by the great thinkers through the centuries. It seems to be a common phenomenon and one I am often struggling with. When I first started my transition, I was filled with unbridled enthusiasm and energy. I had been freed; I had finally found myself. Everything I read, every picture I saw, everyone I met reaffirmed my decision. This was going to be easy! And then reality came crashing in. As I broadened my investigation I began to see the ugly side of the gender wars and people who disapproved of me as a matter of principle, who considered me delusional, a fraud no matter what I did. And this came not only from the TERFs and GCs, but certain nonbinary individuals as well. I was accused of deluding myself, buying in to the patriarchal artifices of transmedicalism and gender essentialism. I was told that there was nothing wrong with the way I was born in spite of my feelings to the contrary and I was really not changing anything about myself no matter how many procedures I might undergo. I was merely buying in to the dominant and ubiquitous social narrative. Unfortunately this cold dose of reality coincided with my doubts as to the proper order for the next steps. FFS and hair restoration were on the agenda, but maybe I needed FUE from my neck as well as my head, and maybe that needed to be done before major work to my face, but then I needed my hairline moved forward before replacement, and it made no sense to break up the FFS unnecessarily. I didn’t know what to do. I was caught in a circular reasoning loop. My head was spinning. I had to disengage and take a step back, trust my own paradigm and the team I had put together to guide me and counsel me. This was new to me, but they have been through it many times before. Their vision was clearer than mine. I had to look at how far I have come and commit to the next steps. The outcome may not be perfect, but it will be good-better than I can imagine today. I believe that.

I feel if I don't transition i will suffer for the rest of my life and I can't get over how bad I need to do it's going to happen got a long way to go

You mean Analysis Paralysis,; Though paralysis brought on by over analyzation. Paralysis Analysis would be the a detailed examination in order to understand Paralysis.

Unfortunately, I'm stuck with a list of pros and cons but I'm not sure if I'd be better off transitioning or if I would be better off just working on accepting myself for who I am. I've socially transitioned partially (in an effort to understand what makes me happiest) but I haven't started HRT yet. I have learned that I am happy to get closer to my preferred gender expression, but in doing so I am painfully aware of all of the parts of me I do not like (i.e. dysphoria increases). I have also learned that I feel no difference between pronouns, names, gender roles, etc. When I am presenting as my assigned gender (AMAB), I disassociate and become apathetic towards my appearance, but I am also not obsessing over dysphoria and my life is generally great. I love who I am and I have spent a lot of time and energy becoming a person that I like... just without enjoying my gender expression. I feel like transitioning will take this small part of me (gender expression) and drag it into the front of my mind. It feels like one small part of me that I am unhappy with is contesting all of the other parts of me that I am already comfortable and happy with. By bringing this one part of me into the light, it creates more stressors and discomfort. I try to tell myself that I can overcome any new problems I face but it usually feels impossible. I've been at this for years and I have a great therapist and medical team helping me, but I just don't know what to do. I am going to try HRT for a few months (and stop as soon as permanent changes begin shaping to reassess my situation) to see if it helps clear my mind. Sorry if all of this seems negative but I want other people like me out there to know that they are not alone!

+DRZPHD *Our fellow KZfaqr +RosieTeaflower coined a one-word label for this paralysis-analysis process: Perseveration.*

Also those earrings are 👌🏼🤌🏻👍🏻

I think if you're one to over analyze and be paralyzed over one issue, you're probably likely to do so with many subjects and it may also be the combination of many challenges to your life that is paralyzing you not just one issue.

Can starting out by subtle steps, for instance buying women’s clothing like jeans or sneakers or a shirt made for women? Please help! Thank you

Is it common to question your gender identity while going through the transition? I'm still going to continue with the laser hair removal even though I'm starting to question my gender identity.

Excuse me I’d like to ask you a question I am questioning if I’m trans (mtf) but what I do is I compare what I feel like towards the male figure and female figure and which would I prefer to be and I always get a mini anxiety attack because I’m worried what if I’m pretending to like the girl body to convince myself to be trans I genuinely only get gender envy towards woman and have never had gender envy towards a guy unless they had feminine features it feels like every time I’m sure I’ve got an answer something always pops up and pushes me back to the questioning phase can you help?

DR Z IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE TRANS (I’ve felt like a guy my whole life) BUT ALSO HAVE BPD (borderline personality disorder) ?

Doctor, can I get approval from you as a psychiatrist? To approve the transformation process Please

Doctor, I want to switch from female to male, please help me

I think the biggest fears I have right now are medical. Like taking HRT and possibly getting Top surgery, it's hard to do those things halfway. HRT you can always start with low Doses and see how you feel, and those things are slower in effect, but Top surgery is a bit more permanent and expensive, and as non-binary, it's hard to really know sometimes because sometimes you're just dealing with it or coping with it, versus sometimes you don't want anybody to see things. Could you do a video on how people's perception and Body Image, people who are not trans versus body image with people who identifies trans? I'm trying to explain to some of my friends how it's a type of being uncomfortable with weight or how your nose looks exactly, there is some overlap, but I haven't found a good way to explain it. How would you describe the difference?

Bottom line women have been the most understanding and supportive in my case. It has opened a whole new world and friendships that are priceless. Generally I have not had one door shut on me and if I had it would be sad I would say but the freedom so far has out weighed any losses. But I am old kids might have a different experience, I really don't know. When I say kids I mean anyone forty or under. No comment my pleasure and you are quite welcome.

I’ve been trapped in this for 12 years, I have been on hormones male to female, I am still seen as male by every one. I have Autism and Depression. But I’ve become more comfortable speaking to people, even strangers. My mother wishes I never did this but she totally is ok with my sister being gay. But me her son (daughter) she wishes I could stop this, I’m under a lot of pressure it’s breaking my nerves I’m thinking of giving up. I don’t pass at all, I’m to tall and big, and I’m 52.

My average day- spent in my head