This video couldn't have come at a better time for me, I've been feeling like I've been struggling with being in this mid transition period for a while. Thank you for making this.

I’ve been starting to feel a lot more despair in my mid transition this past week. I feel like I’m doing so much. Electrolysis, voice therapy, HRT, and slowly shifting my outward presentation. It’s all incremental but they take up so much time and effort every single week. And now I’m getting to the point where I can see what I need to do more tangibly, but I’m stuck not being able to do them yet. Like I know now how to use a feminine vocal register, but I can’t control that voice very well and I cant maintain it for long. But I intimately know just how different it is from my regular speaking voice, and I can feel the difference every time I speak. It hurts now more than ever honestly. I know that being that far means I’m also closer than I’ve ever been, but it still out of reach and out of usefulness. And I can’t help but get discouraged that’s it’ll still probably be another year or two before I’ve sufficiently removed just my beard and mustache, let alone the rest of my face and body, which we hardly worked on. I’ve been reduced from 4 to 2 hours per week, and it might as well be a life sentence. I dunno, I just still feel like I’m ready to start presenting how I’d like in the world but I won’t feel comfortable until those things are finished, not almost finished. I’ll be past it one day but for now I’m just here

This actually perfectly describes, what happened to me. I had a first try coming out as transmasculine in my early twenties and I was terrified by the idea of having to have the same conversation over and over, so I made a big facebookpost and told everybody I knew at once, so the next day I could leave the house and just be male. But of course that didnt work and I was so overwhelmed by other people and the constant misgendering, that I just stepped back. But now after four years I have finally given it another try and this time I did exactly the step by step approach. Like telling only my partner first and then a handful of trusted friends to try out my new name and get comfortable with people using it for me, wearing a binder out for the first time and then at some point making my eyebrows a bit darker and this way its so much easier, even if it takes a lot of patience. But now I have come out to my classes in university and I have way more confidence with my name and the male pronouns, because a lot of people already had the time to adjust, so its not everyone at once (including me). So in conclusion I can only recommend this strategy, this has made the start of my transition so much easier to support and uphold and not jump straight back into the closet. I wish everyone reading this and seeking advice for this difficult part of transition the best

The real key to success, in my opinion, is remembering to savor the moment. Rushing through this will rob you of a lot of wisdom and character-building experiences.

Yeah, I finally have my ID changed after 3 years! For me, the pandemic was a benediction, I didn't have to go places and had literally 2 years to watch my facial hair grow 😝. Then all of a sudden random people stopped misgendering me and my ID was a problem... But hang on, it will be sorted out. It takes patience, yes.

I somehow stumbled into this approach and it has made things so much easier on me. I started with the things that just take a lot of time no matter what (growing out hair, laser hair removal, voice training). Then I experimented with clothing with people I trust. At first I just did whatever felt right and didn't worry about overally style or look. I have a few "euphoria pieces" that haven't really ended up being my personal style but made me feel so good when I wore them early on. I slowly upped the frequency and duration of presenting in public spaces and most recently have gotten serious about makeup and fashion choices. All of this with the background of figuring out how I want to relate to the world in a way that feels right and comfortable. For me this has made transition into a bunch of acute instances of stress and anxeity but really reduced the overall background stess and anxeity I feel. Plus each step that used to cause me anxeity now feels pretty routine and I can focus on the next one.

Dr. Z you are a gift to humanity. As someone who has been in this purgatory state for a while now living double lives, your video could not have come at a better time. As always, your video gave me hope and strength and the motivation to continue. Thank you

When I started transition, my wife and I sat down and made a written list, then prioritized it in order. It gave her and myself an amazing order to the madness. Some things changed here and there for priority, but at least we have something to go by, save for, get together, etc.

I think you have identified an important dynamic in the transition process, Dr. Z. There are a couple of additional elements that have exacerbated this dynamic for me. There were a lot of new experiences and "firsts" during my first year of transition. Although those experiences were often anxiety-producing, they also generated a lot of euphoria...and they have now become much rarer. Also, perhaps because I jumped in with both feet and fully socially transitioned within the first month of my transition process, I had a lot of initial experiences of euphoria and lots of support from friends to carry me through the huge initial anxieties...but human beings are great at habituating, and the frequency/intensity of euphoria has dramatically diminished--as I knew it eventually would. So far, I have managed this using the strategy you suggested of focusing on small goals (it's not go big or go home, it's go small and keep showing up), remembering to savor the moment (as one of your other commenters mentioned), and reconnecting with other joy-producing aspects of life that sustained me prior to transition. Even with all that, it's still a tough period, and I'm glad you are naming it and bringing attention to it. Thank you.

I've grown quite accustomed to wearing nail polish. Might sound silly to some, but as someone who bit their nails from decades, this is quite an achievement. I've not bitten my nails in a few months now. I've worn female jogging pants a few times to my local super market too. Baby steps really is the way to go. Even if it seems frustrating at times.

This sounds to me a little bit like, "If U're going through hell, KEEP GOING." I completely understand what U're saying, and this is indeed where I find myself. I'll GET there, but it feels like the distance between where I am, and where I wanna BE; keeps INCREASING, rather than decreasing.

I've referred to this period of transition as a 2nd puberty. Going through physical and psychological changes to eventually become the person that you were meant to be. 😊🏳️‍⚧️

Coach Z with the progressive overload principle of gender transition! To build on the coaching metaphor, what you're talking about is like progressive overload in strength training. You don't decide to start building strength one day and immediately squat 200 lbs. You might only be able to do 70... then 75. Then 80... then maybe 90. Bit by bit until you're there at 200. Going bit by bit doesn't block your progress, it supports it. It ensures you don't bite off more than you can chew and get injured in the process (hurt your body in training or hurt your soul in a transphobic world), leading to setbacks. Progressive overload, baby steps, let you adapt bit by bit at a slow but steadier rate than trying to do it all at once. For myself, I've found the baby-step approach also helps normalize things. The first time I wore nail polish or eye liner, I was so afraid someone was going to walk up and just assault me, verbally or even physically. Now... nail polish is just a thing I do. It's almost lost some of the novel excitement (though I still love it). Each new, big thing becomes almost commonplace and I move on to the next. That also lets me adjust internally - like settling into a hot spa or cold pool bit by bit and adjusting to the temperature. An added benefit is it gives those around you who support you time to adjust as well. I've read many personal accounts of folks coming out after struggling with it for years but then the people in their lives need to adjust. They tell them, "You've had years to get your head around this. I've only known for an hour!" Baby steps let those who are sticking with you grow alongside you as well and see this isn't just some new thing - it's who you were all along and that you're still the person they love. You're just becoming *more* you.

Mid-transition here and I _did_ get all of my other stuff sorted. I have been out publicly and at work for two-plus years, my name has been changed, I have a decent wardrobe and feel confident about my hair/makeup/clothing options. I have been in therapy and in couples therapy for quite a while too. I do feel kind of like I'm in purgatory but not necessarily because I have "too much on my plate". I feel like I'm in purgatory because I can't put in the same efforts with my self-image and the medical aspects of my transition as I was able to with everything else. In my case, yes I am also doing "the splits", but it's more that I *want* to pull one leg to be closer to the other, but I can't because it is absolutely stuck in cement. Whether it is insurance denying me my care, or hormones that have not worked anywhere near to where I could have wished them to work. My medical transition is absolutely lagging behind everything else and *that* is causing me the most challenges. I do have feet in two worlds and I desperately want them in one, but only seldom and only with a huge amount of work can I see the woman who I always wanted to be and the woman who I feel I am in the mirror. And that has been the most heart-wrenching issue for me, the idea that even with all of my work, my dosing schedules, my diligence, my everything else that I can't pull my physicality in a place to be on par with everything else.

The timing of your videos every time!! I am absolutely in a purgatory state right now. I’ve never felt so much pain and uncertainty all at once. It doesn’t help that my 9 year relationship just ended and I know that was an anchor for me. Splitting between the past and future self is so so exhausting and while I want physical changes faster, I’m so scared of the future (and mourning yet another loss in my journey) it feels like I’m resisting my own transition.

This is precisely where i’m at! 🙋🏽‍♀️

I can't tell you how much this video helped put me. It put me in a mind state to move forward and gave me some hope in moving forward with my transition and fight this Mid-Transition purgatory. You truly described it so well. I feel bad for not watching this sooner. I for a while haven't been able to sit down to watch any of your recent videos. Not because I literally can't, but because it's been difficult to get myself to do something about how I feel and I have been so caught up in that purgatory state myself. And lead to me not focusing on myself, but I'm gonna change that! Thank you so much for your videos and what you do!🙂💚 Please keep doing what you do! You really are making a difference! 💚

damn i needed this. i'm definitely in this right now and struggling. i've made an endocrinology appointment thought and i'm just going to get my hormones levels checked to establish a line of care and THEN i'll see about started low dose T. whenever i try and project into the future with it my brain can't handle it.

I am much older so the idea of small, incremental course corrections has proven best for me. That does nothing for my impatient angst for wanting the changes NOW. When I find myself full of frustrations or in the doldrums, nothing moving, nothing changing, in my mind's eye, I eventually come to this idea. For all of those awful years of hiding, pretending, and lying, now with my future looking ever so much brighter, is it the destination or is the journey that is most important in the moment? My journey has been fun, surprising, and at times absolute joy. Doesn't mean there hasn't been tears but I must smile when thinking about how far I traveled already and with success. It is getting better day by day and that is the way we live ours lives. Day by day. The destination seems much more in focus and even closer when I can reflect in this way. BTW Dr. Z, spot on with the subject. Thank you. Sometimes your videos seem like you've stolen a look into my journal.

Thank you for this video, this really helped. I feel like my situation is kind of unique because I socially transitioned for years now, yet I haven’t even started medical transition despite wanting it. I guess thinking about the long wait lists makes me kind of scared, and having to put all of that effort into finding health professionals who can help me and jumping through all those hoops I have to jump through, like all the bureaucracy and paper warfare to try to get insurance to cover top surgery, scares me. In the past it used to be mostly social anxiety, all of this is a very new and unfamiliar situation that felt very scary to me, now it’s more like fear of all of the time and effort that’s going to go into it when I’m way too stressed in my day to day life already, of the uncertainty of how long I’ll have to struggle until I can access the things I need. The long wait lists terrify me so, even though I know it’s making it even worse, I’m afraid to even put myself on there. And I’m really afraid of medical gatekeeping and of being discriminated against because I’m nonbinary. I feel like I have to really mentally prepare myself in order to fulfill trans man clichees enough. Like they will already doubt me because idk my hairstyle is not hypermasculine, and I have to be careful to fulfill their clichees and not ever mention that I’m nonbinary, or else they will keep me from accessing transition. It’s kind of stressful to think about. At the same time, I’ve been presenting as myself for years, dressing the way I feel most comfortable, hiding my chest, I’ve apparently even kind of done voice training without noticing that that’s what I was doing (tho it often doesn’t work when I’m excited or anxious or anything like that, I can only really keep my voice that way if I’m calm). I’ve changed my name (tho not legally yet, but I’ve managed to get my deadname out of my life to the point when I only really see/hear it on paperwork and when my parents (accidentally or not) deadname me. I’ve decided on pronouns and I tell people about them, though it gets exhausting to have to out yourself over and over again (and other than my friends and people in queer spaces pretty much everyone disregards them anyways), so with acquaintances I often don’t do that and only bring it up when they do use a pronoun for me that feels dysphoric. And this already helped a lot, it removed a lot of sources of dysphoria from my everyday life, and it did surprisingly much to help me see myself and my body in a less dysphoria inducing way (clothes, hair, and all of that stuff, and getting used to being out to the point where being your actual gender is just something your brain accepts as self-evident, just being in that different mind frame where the person of your agab you were pretending to be stopped being present in your life does a lot). But beyond that, I still (ofc) feel a lot of dysphoria about my body, and I still feel a lot of social dysphoria because strangers still see and treat me as my agab. I thought I had come to terms with the fact that there is no way to pass as nonbinary, most people will never see me that way, a long time ago, but it still sucks, and also if i can’t be seen as nonbinary I want to at least be seen as male sometimes, but I don’t want to alter my presentation to appear more stereotypically male in a way that doesn’t align with my sense of self, it would be almost as bad as being closeted, it would be besides the point, which is no longer denying parts of myself and living as the person I am. Idk, all of this just makes me feel stuck and like things are never going to be much different from this, no matter how I transition (which is ofc not entirely true, there definitely is a lot of dysphoria about my body at least I can get rid of, but also I feel like that feeling is not entirely untrue about social stuff). I guess it just really weighs me down to be confronted with that reality that I will never be seen and treated as the person I am by anyone but my friends, and people in queer spaces. A lot of binary trans people late in transition talk about how nice it is to be in that place where you are “fully living as a man/woman” and you barely even have to think or talk about it even more if you don’t want to, and it makes me sad to think about how I will never fully reach that place (because no such thing as passing as nonbinary). I’ve spent some time over the last few years having convinced myself that I don’t care what people think, how they gender me, but the fact is I do care what people think, and it hurts. It hurts that just self-evidently being seen and treated as nonbinary by everyone is a fiction, it doesn’t exist. And so it feels like socially at least things are never going to change from this point and I will always in a way be chained to womanhood through strangers perceptions and interactions. (And it was good to get all of this off my chest)

Dr Z. I know you read all of the comments. I'm a 34 yo trans woman and have been medically transitioning for 7 months, went full time socially over a month ago, and began looking into surgeries. What I thought would be a train wreck months ago is actually turning out pretty well (other than relationship, we'll have to see how that progresses). While I have a gender therapist, your videos helped me much more to figure out who I am and how to live my authentic self. I just feel so whole and I wanted you to know that a big part of that was you. Thank you for all of this great content!

I love your style of talking! On the subject, I think you right, it works better to take it slowly.I am transitioning second time ( for medical reasons).First time I was all out and banging about it all over the place - not a very wise as I have experienced lot's of transphobia which has very negative impact on my wellbeing and quality of life.Now I'm a bit wiser and have more first hand knowledge of what to expect.I'm taking it slowly.I know one day people will see me as woman I am without need of convincing them and this day is closer and closer! Cool video, thanks Z!

Thank you, I've been out two years and on HRT for one. I haven't had any hair removal yet due to a lack of funds, so that along with my voice has been rough. Then there's the worsening bottom dysphoria I won't even get in to.. Great timing on the video, thank you.

Thank you. I also needed this.💐

I was in that purgatory state for several years up until a few years ago. Rather then trying to make everything perfect and doing too much and accomplishing nothing I finally took your advice from one of your previous videos and planned those little goals. I can tell you this over the course of a year and a half those little goals are paying off. I'm out to my family and work and HR has laid down a clear path for my transition when school starts up after summer break. Those little goals have taught me confident as I move forward. I can see the other side pass the purgatory stage you mentioned in the video. Now the steps are getting easier as I'm not scared to keep going forward. I love how your videos help me reflect and serve as guides to keep the ball rolling. Thank you Dr. Z ❤️💯

Couldn't have said it any better. One thing that helps immensely is just breaking everything down into smaller and smaller tasks. Sometimes just calling insurance or a doctor is too much. Don't rush, do it when you're ready and feel good about it.

this came at the perfect time. been feeling really down about all of this today. thanks for the video it really reminded me to take it easier and allow things to happen as they do.

Thank you so much for posting this, I've been struggling with coping with this purgatory feeling a lot regarding electrolysis for my facial hair lately and this video was a real help

I’ve been stuck in mid-transition for the last 20 years. After surgery and the legal changes, my wife (also trans) and I fell into an androgynous trap. Although female by name and social interaction, we wore mostly blue jeans and T-shirts to blend into the PNW culture (Seattle grunge look). I recently came to the point of saying “enough is enough”. I revamped my wardrobe, started wearing makeup again, and took pains to improve my appearance. The result has been that women have been coming up to me and telling me how sharp I look. “Chic” was the term one gave me this morning. I feel so much better about myself and my transition took a giant leap forward.

Dr Z, This video really hit the nail on the head I am 4 months into transition Mtf and I feel like I am in the exact position that you described. I am starting to see some progress but I am nowhere where I need to be to present as female. I know it is a marathon not a sprint but I can't help but feel like an imposter to either gender and at the same time I am hating having to still present as male and wear male clothes. I know I can't transition fully until I take all the steps that's why your description of purgatory is so fitting and resonates! Thank you for doing such wonderfully helpful videos it is really helping me especially since I had to put my counseling sessions on hold for awhile due to cost. Keep up the good work many of us very much appreciate the work you are doing.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Once again, I get something on my mind and you make a video about it. I'm sure there's some confirmation bias in there, somewhere, but still, thank you for this, it helps.

So much wisdom to draw from here. I am fast approaching 9 months of HRT and being torn in 2 directions. Moving too fast makes me feel pathetic and hopeless while moving too slow makes me feel like a failure and a fraud. Purgatory. As always Dr.Z your words of kindness and support come to me at the perfect time, thank you for your help.

Perfect timing of video for me xx

Wow! Normally i never really comment. But this one has really put some things i've been struggling with as of very recent into perspective! Much love from The Netherlands!

This is absolutely perfect timing! I just recently came out to most of my friends and starting to present more of my true gender. Eventually I plan on moving on to HRT, but I am planning on taking small steps first until then. Every one of my friends has been super respectful to me and my pronouns and it's helping me build a lot of confidence slowly. You are so right about making sure to take the time with each step and not to rush into it, one piece of advice for everyone else is to always remember one thing: "It's a marathon, not a sprint." I've been joining a lot of online support groups and feel supported with those groups, no one is judgmental and it's been really great being in a lot of accepting and non judgmental places. The outside world is rough and cruel, but at least there are some spaces that allow people to be themselves in a safe manner. Eventually hope to continue to build my confidence so I can align my physical and mental self as one. It's been a really exciting time and it's painful at times trying to present as 2 people, sometimes it feels like I'm being torn between my assigned at birth gender and my true gender on the inside. Hopefully this will help some other people as well as some things to do and keep in mind. I really needed this video right now since it seems like I'm in my own personal hell sometimes and being pulled in two different places, just have to stay grounded and keep working on it slowly but surely. Thank you so much for all of your content, it's helped me so much!

This video was really on point. I think I am managing "not too much too quickly" okay, but I have the extra drag of dealing with family transphobia and abandonment/pressure to go back into closet. I gave them several months but I finally had enough of it and hit back pretty hard as I was seeing zero effort or progress on even the most basic education about trans people, let alone attempts to accept me. I'm 40ish so I at least have my own stability and freedom, and I just can't have people dragging me down that should be in my corner. STILL waitlisted for my voice lessons, which is super frustrating though.

Wow, this is exactly where I am at. I am really struggling. I just want to hide a lot of the time; this is so hard. I fully present as myself at work with makeup and wig and all that, but some days I don't want to. I get scared on the way to work sometimes because the area I live in is very "conservative." And some days I just want to not get all done up like everyone else does but I don't think I could handle the constant misgendering, which does happen even while presenting as myself. I have been on HRT since October 2020, I am trying to do voice training with the EVA app but really struggling even getting started, I want to start surgeries this year. Everything is so awkward and scary right now. Some days I just want to forget everything.

Hello Dr Z, thank you for your videos. You are only person who explain clearly and with the good words what i live now. My egg craking last year, and it was difficult for me to accept what it happened in my life. I can now put words in my feeling. And, you drive me to accept my inners feelings. Now, i accept i have dysphory gender. i accept to says " i accept to be move in feminie way. I have decided to live with this and i listen my feelings to make my path. To do this step by step is the way i had decided. you confirm

I needed this today. My social transition is being slowed by thing and that is hard on my mental health. But I need to use the time to work on other things. Ty DrZ.💖💖

Bingo, this is exactly where I am right now. I feel like I'm standing still sometimes I feel confident then I go right back to being afraid. I get what you are saying baby steps, thanks for the video I'm going to write down some goals and start them one by one

Not to lay the reason for my very existance on ANYONES door step but as always it seems as if your advice always comes at exactly the time that I need it most. Bravo Dr., Bravo !!)❤Samantha

Wonderful Thank You

Thank you!!!

Ughhh! I'm going through this right now. I started T 3 months ago; absoutley improved my life, improved EVERYTHING, but the changes are happening so slowly and its making me wonder if I'm really trans. Gotta keep holding on. Thank you DR Z! Sending so much love to you ❤️🙏

Thank you so much for this video it was very helpful. I have been struggling for many years with feelings of wanting to be more feminine and with feelings of distress with parts of my body that I have and things that I don’t have. At times when I started to feel this way I would entertain the idea of being more feminine but it was always very short and then I would just hide those feelings and try to ignore them but they always came back. Last September I started having the feelings again and I started to make some small changes and then I got scared a little bit I may be felt like I was doing too much. That caused me to stop for about a month. Since then I have been trying to get into counseling to see if I have gender dysphoria because I know I’m experiencing symptoms of distress around not having boobs having facial hair using the men’s bathroom it’s hard I have to pee sitting down rather than using the urinal it causes me a lot of discomfort. I forgot to pee sitting down once and then once my brain finally realize what I did it caused me a lot of anxiety. At times when I try to use the urinal because it’s something I’ve done all my life my brain will tell me no that’s not what you do and then I have to go to the stall. Also at times after using the bathroom I’ll check to make sure that I zipped my pants up and when I look down I’ll see the appearance of being male which causes me discomfort. I don’t know what to do since I can’t talk because of some health problems with my genitals. Right now I feel like the only way I don’t have distress is when I ignore my genitalia and not focus on it but at times when I see it and if I look at my pants I can see the appearance of being a male and if I’m wearing women’s clothes at home and I see it it causes distress. I have never felt that way before and since I’ve been exploring my gender and allowing myself to feel the thoughts that I’ve had hidden for so many years that my brain is starting to tell me more and I’m feeling more distress around things that I haven’t before. I find it weird how was deciding to show up now and I’ll before but I’m feeling like now that I’m not ignoring these feelings that I’m able to notice them better. I’m just trying to make small steps in my transition and figuring out if I have gender dysphoria and at times my brain is telling me you’re doing too much or I’m doing things that are going to be irreversible but I just remind myself that I’m taking it slow and everything I’m doing and can be undone until I’m sure I’m ready to do the more permanent stuff. At times I question whether or not if I have dysphoria can I just cope with it and if that would even work. I am also Christian and I struggle with the thoughts of will God be OK with this is this sinful. One other thing I’ve noticed and I don’t know if it’s common or if I’m interpreting it correctly which is hard I don’t always know if I’m interpreting my feelings correctly but I am 35 and when I go out in public as my assigned gender at birth which is male I do at times internally feel feelings of sadness because I’m not being my true gender. Also I know that gender expression doesn’t necessarily equate to gender and that I can be a man who is more feminine and I tell myself that but there’s this feeling inside of me and these dots appear that you’re not an effeminate man you’re a woman. I find it weird why my brain is more OK with me being perceived as a male then an effeminate men.I thought my brain would be happy being more feminine in public I thought it would help my brain be more comfortable and feel like I’m being my true gender. I don’t know my brain is afraid of being misgendered but I’ll go out in public every day is a male so aren’t I already being miss gendered since I’m not being the gender in which my brain is telling me to me. Why is my brain more OK with me being my side gender at birth but not an effeminate man. I feel like my brain only wants me to go out in public when I am more passable because it wants to be perceived as female not masculine or an effeminate man. The thought of going out in public as a woman but not being passable and possibly being labeled in effeminate man or getting comments like that causes me immense distress and I don’t know why it does it when I think about that but I can go out in public as a male. Sorry for the long post but if you have any insight I would greatly appreciate.

I’m definitely in an early-mid transition purgatory space, I’m not yet on HRT but have been working towards presenting more femme rn with what I can, once I start HRT over the summer I want get started on some type of voice training/therapy to get a femme voice, and try to do some facial/body hair removal with laser if possible over the summer before my 2nd year of college. During all of that time I’m growing my hair out, and I’m sure HRT will stimulate my hair to grow differently as well. Not sure how I’m going to get out of this space especially since I’m so early in it but should just go one step at a time

Agree it is a terrible state to be in 🙄, I feel it's not me that's not trying , its public that are making it so very hard to live as me, feel like a complete outcast!! Being a Libra doesnt help? Desire social interaction and acceptance and hate rejection. when people look at u funny all day it brings you down..I'm hoping it will get better 😐✌❤❤

💖😭 On point for me

Thankyou this helps. At this stage and its hard, i decided to do a visible transition in front of everybody and regret it. Last month people have stoped gendering me at all, and its only the people i know from the past that give me a hard time. I hope this ends soon as its stoping me from being able to function normaly; So fed up of being aware im trans all the time.

hi ! i love your channel and i just have one question. does smoking lower hrt effects?

Im in this exact phase of my life, and it's strange, I came out to nothing but support and love; confused and not exactly being able to understand but support nonetheless. And I've always had this strong sense of confidence in how I walk, how I present myself, but after coming out that confidence crumbled. Drowning in despair, I know I'll be beautiful and be the best version of myself, but next thing you know I'm paralyzed with doubt. I'm taking steps at a glacier pace, waiting for my hrt appointment and appointment with a therapist; I've demasculanized my closet everyone calls me by my preferred name, but I find myself slipping into an abyss of hopelessness, I feel like I'm fighting myself, Robbie vs Violet, I'm more conscious of my mannerisms, insecure about things I was never in the past. Ironically after coming out I feel more masculine than ever. I know I'll get pass this and hope to look back at this comment and smile at the fact I made it, but for now I keep swimming in this abyss.

I know this is not the Catholic definition of Purgatory, but I believe that Purgatory is like a sanitarium for spirits who have died a horrific death, before transitioning into Heaven. Think both definitions define the "mid-transition" phase! Keep up your excellent work, Dr. Z! Just subscribed!! 🌈

Omg your our psychic

I have reached the area where my spouse is not ready to tell my step-kids and feel comfortable with me getting consult on surgery. I've had all my documents changed to my new name for nearly a year and been on HRT nearly 2 years. She hasn't left and she is seeing her first psychologist and talking about it but I am up against a brick wall and losing interest in everything and it hurts more than I ever imagined it could. As I tell her when she asks what's wrong - I can't move forward and I refuse to go back. I'm totally stuck.

Yes transformation is a marathon not a sprint

This is the approach I've started since 4 months ago and I really wish it could be faster but at this point it's going to take a lot of time just for facial hair. Trying to work on my voice but mine is so deep that it seems almost impossible at this point, still working towards it. Haven't followed up on HRT yet because of other health issues and don't really want to start until more hair removal before I even attempt to come out. I figured it would be easier one piece at a time even if it seems like forever just to feel comfortable with such a major adjustment for everyone around me as well as myself.

Speaking of transitioning from a male to female presentation, it's important to remember this very real truth: Natal women never stop transitioning, either. I have always maintained close relationships with my female peers, and there is no point where they feel "perfected." They go through their teen years struggling and trying to find identity, they go through their twenties concentrating on dating, their thirties focusing on career, then family life, then empty nesting, then retirement, etc. Each of these stages presents new challenges, for living, and for dress, style, deportment, even emotional connections and socialization. Faces change, bodies change, fashions change, your sense of self and your priorities will never stop changing. Transitioning is never really going to end. You will keep changing, you will keep improving. The only way to improve is iteratively, the same outfit will look better two months from now than it does today, because of a hundred tiny factors. Your perfect foundation will not be perfect in ten years. The goal can never be to finish, but to keep moving forward.

I have been stuck in this phase for way too long. I present female everywhere except at work and have been struggling to find employment as openly trans. I simply can't deal with coming out at my current workplace.

27 months on HRT I still need to wear a wig every day Augh

I’m doing three things on the same time now. a) :taking hormones,b) hair electrolytes lazer hair removal and voice training just started. And its going very well. I only ask myself; why i didn’t started earlier!

Another question I have is how does one know how much internal versus external Purgatory there is.

All hormones have done so far for me is hair, hair , and more hair every where.

IT SUCKS!! I'm not this or that!! It's taking FOREVER!

I'm waiting to be able to finally start HRT; I have an appointment on the 21st of September, this feels like the most mentally draining and exhausting wait I've ever been in

Let's go Brandon 👍

Ok, so essentially take baby steps. I had to step back from voice training so I could finish my master’s degree, for example. I feel like my transition is slower than it ought to be because I can’t get electrolysis where I live and I have no support from friends or family. Really desperate to leave here (the southern USA) and find somewhere more accepting where I can build a stable life as myself. Z, you should consider making a video about moving away from hostile states and countries since the attacks on LGBTQ are getting worse and worse. Best, - Alexa

I just accepted that I was trans after a lot of bargaining, I'm 36 growing my hair , still have a beard and plan to laser it. I presented as a male ( male clothes and small beard I think that I have low disphorhia) to a psychiatrist and a psychologist ,both telling me that I wasn't probably not trans because I wasn't in their imaginary of hyper feminine view of MtF transgender. I would prefer to add some feminity progressively as I transition but my psychiatrist asked me to go out en femme all the way ( might not be a bad idea cause I would see what's happening when I don't pass, yet I would be seen as a travestite, and I'm not a travestite) I am a bit lost about what's my next move 😅 Good thing I have accepting friends and family 🥰

I'm curious, is there ever a way to pass as nonbinary or somewhere in the middle? Also oh, what do you think non-binary Purgatory is like? I agree it's a strong term, but I feel like sometimes when we're in the middle, it's harder to get out of that. Thank you again for your videos

Not gonna lie, fear of this period made me stay in the closet for at least 2 years, if not more (and doubt if I was really trans). I just hope the space in between won't be too painful. I'm right at the start of it.

I'm seeing a gender therapist & just starting out with laser hair removal & other little steps. My therapist wants me to start changing my name & gender on all of the legal documents. For me, I would feel that it would be better to do this just before gender reassignment surgery. I know that I will never be able to completely pass as a female. I'm okay with that. Why is it so important to wear female clothing like dresses & skirts all the time when I mostly see women wearing pants & t-shirts? All I really want is the gender reassignment because I know deep down my body will finally be in tune with my mind & feelings. What are your thoughts on this & have you had clients like me?

I have been living legally as a woman for 12 years, on hormones for 10. 8 months ago I had emergency surgery to remove a blood clot so they took me off hormones till I could see my endocrinologist doctor. I just saw him and he doesn't know how or if they will continue. To lower my testeron they will have to take a large dose and he doesn't want to risk it. He said the alternative if very expensive. It also might mean I can't have GRS because of the blood thinners. He wants to talk to hematology before going from here

WoW! this one just confirms what i have been thinking whole time about transition! just take it step-by-step! 🤍 thank you