I think that is exactly why they are covert

Yes full of air! Too bad a voodoo doll couldn't deflate them!

Rebel Lucy I couldn't agree more about the covert being aware and that's why they are covert. Also, that you have to be very close to them for a long period of time to see it. They also keep most relationships at arm's distance so they don't see.

So is seems the biggest red flag for any narcissist is any sign of entitlement

please run fast because they get worse over the time , I have been married to one for 32 years , I think your wife should marry my husband, they will actually kill each other

You just keep on flowering don't you?

Josee Noel sorry, what do you mean

Flower Girl .....It happens when they’ve lost control and you move forward......KEEP MOVING!!!! It’s a game, sadly nothing will change.

Anita clue I agree and I don’t care about him anymore I thank God for this growth

Good for you! I know where you’ve been

Zaeinab Afsari I guess I am not the only Arab here .

Best and most accurate comment. O ought to keep this a a reminder.

Omg!!!! Right on

So hard to talk to narcs, they only 'know' who 'they' are! They're hard to shrug off like something you stepped in!

Joanna Payne yes that’s true, my ex was covert when with me and grandiose when he’s with his friends.

Very true.....they are very "colorful"

@@warriorhippie That's how my brother is and it's been one of the difficulties with breaking contact. He uses the vulnerability manipulation on me all the time when trying to reel me back in, but is grandiose when he is confident he has everyone where he wants them. It made me question if he was narcissistic, but as Dr Ramani has said elsewhere it isn't a diagnosis, it's a description of behaviour. The behaviour and effect on me is what matters and is enough to stand firm with 'no contact' regardless of whether he is or is not definitely 100% a narcissist...though yet again the video confirms rather than denies that description!

Social chameleons 👍

Yes!! More like being grandiose behind closed doors!

A nightmare, anyway you deal with them!

@Tanif Stephenson yeah like an overflow from an out house!

It leaks out of the cracks sometimes tho

Coverts are a lot more aware of their insecurities. They feel like people are out to get them. They know this themselves. They do these things to deal with those insecurities. What bugs me is that since they're a little more aware and hence covert about it, why dont they take the path to change themselves? Become better people?

no one can fix them

Yep, unfortunately I thought that for a long time too. But I have noticed I slowly am changing my opinion. I broke up with my narc boyfriend 2 months ago, after 20 years, for the second time. I found out in september when I was getting really scared of him. I big part of my could not believe it, but I felt I was never more right. I was already burned out for 1,5 years at that time and read an article about gaslighting. Never heard of it before, but that was happening to me (not only that). Then I've read this was something that manipulaters do. I've read so much about it and finally my eyeshells fell off, everything fell into place. All this time I knew what was happening, but I thought he was 'living in another world' or something from time to time. It was like he had 3 personality's like he could not help himself for making so much trouble all the time. I did blame him for not seeking professional help. Finally, on my 7 months 'ultimatum' 😑 ₩(he did'nt care much and yes it won't work this way), he took a personality disorder test by a professional mental health institute. The second time he went there he came back (pissed off and smirking at the same time) to say that the psychiatrist and psychologist told him he had no personality disorder at all (What???). He only should be carefull for a burned out of all his stress. (Come again????) 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔😭 How in the hell did he fooled them? Now I know he is a fabulous actor. So no matter how much love you give them, eventualy their all the same. I will spare you many many details of my 20 years relationship of hell with a covert narcissist. He fooled me all this time. If I did'nt got sick for this long, he might never have dropped his mask for so long and so many times. And I probably were struggling and suffering for another decade. They only think about their own needs and yes and for that they will fool you. We are much more worth. We deserve a life without all the extra stress and drama's. We deserve respect and to be loved and appreciated by someone with empathy. We deserve a life with laughter and caring. These persons arent capable of giving these basic needs. Their own basic needs can fill their whole day. So even if they would want to, they can't. It's really sad and hope there will be a cure someday, but I think it would change them so much we wouldnt regognize these persons anymore.

Lando Callahan They can’t even fix themselves

Wow, Junie. I can’t believe she had you wait outside like that. Grandiose for sure. I’m sorry you had to go through it. Thank you for sharing. Like you, I have a covert/overt mother. I struggled with a lot of guilt around her. But then I went grey rock, without even knowing what I was doing, and things got better for me. I hope you are in a good place as well.

ughhh!! yes, the "grandiose narcissist pastor" gets me everytime, So. True. - bc I also come from a family of "religious competitors" (that's what I call them) always using Christ, and Christianity as a damn contest. Just gross.

Kathryn Barkey Eww....grandiose communal narcissists!

Nancy Alexander-Carreira exactly!

Why are you married to him then?

Can't you leave him?What makes you still be with him ?I'm a little curious

@@BrigitteGoodman Complicated.

Brigitte Goodman they don’t always show themselves in time to save yourself.

I swear she also met my husband 🤷🏽‍♀️

Lol....

I often feel this way about the videos on this channel. It's, like, you must *know* my mum, brother, in-laws, and certain exes. The descriptions are absolutely spot on...!

Same

Mine too!! Like she is describing him personally in so many of her videos. So helpful!

Unconcious defense mechanisms deployed by her false self to protect her ego.

Bobbi Hammons I can so relate to this. I have the same mother! You’re right... worst rollercoaster ever. Ugh!🙄

Since i started meditating, which narcs cannot ever do, the narcs kind of fear that out of nowhere you are calm always?! WHAT THE HECK?! It's funny actually, and it helps a lot if you live with them, because daily meditation gives you a sort of responsiveness intead of being reactive, so you STOP being reactive towards them, and start just being responsive, so they can't ever gaslight you again.

@@beletristabennett6910 I had a similar experience. I found meditation a few years in and it, among other things, helped me eventually leave. He actually started getting scared and saying I was abusive when I stopped reacting to his ridiculousness.

Not so fast sugar.....

Sometimes I doubt my conclusion that my mom is a narcissist since she’s covert and passive aggressive. Now I have no doubt

@@jessicalee163 That's exactly why its so hard to be sure if someone is a true narcissist- the classic grandiose narcissist (or covert) symptoms aren't always apparent. If the individual acts passive aggressive, or even contrite at times, but grandiose at other times, you can be fooled into thinking they aren't a true narcissist! The biggest give-away for me was finally seeing the manipulative way my narcissist mother presented either a past failing, or a weakness she has to the world: when she's acting sad about something she's done in the past it feels like she almost always does it to get some kind of sympathy or attention- it just feels like a show for her audience. She's such a good actress its super hard to read her- that's where the covert part of her narc behavior unfortunately threw me for a loop for so many years! Now that she's almost 90, she recently accidentally revealed to her grandson that she really DOES believe what I told her about being abused by my father as a child, and then clapped her hand to her mouth in disbelief and said, "Oh!! No! I didn't say that! Don't ever repeat that to anyone!"

AnnaP , very very tricky indeed

Who was disguising the comments? You, the narc or someone else?

“My“ narc would create couple of (not allowed) fake accounts at his favorite internet forum - in order to give himself - so much desired - “likes“, to show he had “friends“, admirers, and sometimes even fake “flying monkeys“ to defend his own nasty, antisocial behaviors. He kept giving a lot of trouble to the forum admins and mods (he had created and used ca 100 fake forum accounts within one year period of time).

Zel Push , when they get everyone to buy their lies and hate you omg yes they are sooooo happy. So sick.

I'm sorry that happened to you. It happened to me also after my divorce. We were married for 20yrs and she smeared every person in the family and friend group. It's a horrible experience! The good news is that you are free to go and now learn what is it in you that attracts you to that type of individual...so it never happens again!! (and it won't if you take action to find a good therapist) Best wishes, Pat

@@alohaanderson53 They aren't happy. They are incredibly sad and in pain. But they do feel that they are in a more powerful, "safer" position than their counterpart.

Erin French - Yes, saw her channel from get go; KZfaq algorithms. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Not a fan myself but if it helps others then so be it. Personally think different traumas have different reactions & require different treatment for all the different individuals. 😉 Yes, I know - I’m different. 🙃 FYI: There’s another one out there if you’re interested... think it’s called “Your Never Sleeping Beauty.” Again, not a fan 🤢🤮 but others may gain something from it. 🤭

Erin French - Not sure how much they’re actually “exposed”. I didn’t take him to court because the laws in my state seem to protect the abuser. I did what I felt *best* for future clients by posting a rating on one of those public sites with a WARNING. Most in the “profession” are there for reasons from personal history. But let’s face it; who hasn’t come from some type of dysfunctional background these days? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Stay healthy!!!

Erin French - In my state punitive damages are paid to the client along with a “gag order” unless it goes to trial. Then the defendant’s (shrink, et.al.) previous history is not allowed but the “victim’s” entire psychological history is able to be put on display! “He” seemed poor & would try to look in my wallet when I was handing over the co-pay. Made me wonder how many payouts had been done. Psychiatry is a dying profession; may it R.I.P. ⚰️

😂😂with the magic show. Loved that 😂😂

I love your "Superior Inferiority Complex" moniker!

Same here. When he was in total control he "loved me more than anything else in the world," told everyone how great I was, etc., we had such a happy life and a great future to look forward to. When I didn't do exactly what he wanted or expressed a thought of my own, that sneaky, manipulative, covert narcissist showed up to tell me how unfairly I was treating him.

Hahahahahaha

I sure wish people would stop referring to their talk as bull shit! Bulls don't deserve the insult and the narcs' crap isn't 'washable'! Merry Christmas 🎄 from French Canada 🇨🇦!

They're allergic to love, push us away and then wonder 'Where'd ya go?"

@@geoninja3631 It doesn't. They hate each other most of the time even though they both deeply want love...they just don't know how to be loving. Every disagreement is a hate fest. The end is an explosion of pain and suffering. How do I know? I believe I am a 'covert' and she is an 'overt' or grandiose N. We were married for 20yrs. It's a really horrible condition. Thankfully, after many years with an awesome therapist, I'm pretty much healed (though I'm not sure I can heal 100%). She has not, and still hates me so much that she will not speak to me (after 7 years). The roots of the damage are extreme abusiveness during formative years.

@@RavenStealstheNight I'm really sorry that you grew up in a house like that. I did too. My mother was the overt, my father the covert. They are still that way...but in total denial sadly. Thankfully, with an awesome therapist I've been able to get a lot of healing.

Susan Atherton I believe my parents are that pair. Dad, an ER physician, grandiose. Mom, stay at home (20+ years) who’s entitled with no desire to work even when she complains of having no where to go, covert. Very toxic relationship and household.

R.A. Andrews exactly 👍🏻. If they are poor or ugly , for example, they show off how smart they are. And they blame the society for appreciating certain standards for beauty and wealth! Typical covert narc.

Perhaps that is also the origin of their neurosis? i.e. that they are restraining themselves?

And the TOTAL lack of intimacy for years!