I wasn't exhausted from walking on eggshells. I was exhausted from trying to reason with them and open their eyes to their toxic behavior.

I find that people from Narc families tend to withdraw socially. They've had so much of their energy drained that don't have time for people.

Has anyone noticed that narcissists, maybe not all, will exaggerate everything they buy/do/found as it being the best and most amazing thing in the world?

I always wondered why I was always so anxious for no reason... just their presence.... my lymph nodes would often get swollen but as soon as I got away from them.... my skin cleared, I slept better, I could BREATHE

Why aren't there public warnings issued for narcissism? They issue them for domestic violence, internet bullying, crime prevention and so on.

They deplete you so much it takes months to fill your tank back up

The thought of dealing with them gives you anxiety and can go as far as giving you physical pain.

Suppressing your true emotional expression has a negative effect on you spiritually as well.

The feeling of of being in chains or in a mental prison.

My relationship felt like a war.

I was always EXHAUSTED in my 20 yr marriage. Divorce gave me a new lease on life.

I got to a point with my ex where instead of walking on eggshells, I literally just decided to stop talking all together. I became silent while around him.

I’m still trying to unlearn this. I walk on egg shells now with people I don’t need to.

That’s what narcissists are ... emotional vampires 🧛‍♀️🧛‍♂️

I was even exhausted when I was being told "i love you"

i feel depleted whenever she pulls into the driveway. fight or flight and then exhaustion.

Couldn’t agree with you more. Being on eggshells is your red flag that this isn’t normal in a relationship. I was always so tired mentally at the end of the day. Thank you for all your videos.

I ended a 16 year friendship with a woman who is a toxic narcissist. I could never understand why I got a bad feeling in my gut when we were going to hang out together. Thank you for your enlightening videos.

You just reminded me why it's best to stay away from a narcissist...its exhausting.

oh my goodness- YES! I am absolutely drained by the circular arguments that go nowhere; the care I feel I have to take not to trigger him.

It is exhausting and it had huge physical side effects for me that I only noticed once I left and went no contact. My skin stopped breaking out and I lost weight that I had gained during the relationship. I felt like I was in a "fog" for years, unable to focus to sit down and read a book for example. I slept but would never sleep through the night (nightmares) and would wake up tired. The fog was lifted after I left him. The nightmares eventually went away. I devour books now! The physical effects are so real.

I was always tired. And I thought maybe my b12 or iron levels were low. But when I checked them in blood tests they were fine

I struggle everyday with my narcissistic mother. I moved back after a bad controlling relationship. Then suddenly realized she was narcissistic as well. She always has tried to live her life through me

I was so depleted I contemplated ending my own life. I was drained. In every way possible. I was giving, and giving, and giving... it was NEVER enough. Somehow... someway... I lacked something. It drove me insane.

I am tired all the time. I could sleep the entire weekend when I’m home with the N. I have started to have chronic pain as well. I can barely think or pay attention at work. I very much relate to this video.

I can be depleted by people just by interacting with them. It doesn't just come from walking on egg shells.

This is fascinating. I had a narcissistic parent and I was otherwise normal and healthy, but would sleep hours and hours - I couldn’t get enough sleep, even into adulthood until I really addressed the parent’s narcissism and learned to shield myself around this parent. I’m only just now able to function on the normal 7-8 hours per night. This makes SO MUCH SENSE. Thank you!

100% I've recently learned that I have C-PTSD. My father is a narcissist and so is my now ex-wife. I used to say regularly how I was so sick of always feeling like shit and being completely drained. Since cutting contact with both I have noticed my overall well being and energy levels have drastically started to improve. *Male INFJ-T/Empath*

Yes! I got blood tests & physical a few years ago because I was so exhausted. All came out normal. Its not me its my narc draining the bandwidth out of me. This is real. I've gained weight, felt sluggish and on edge and hyper sensitive.

Absolutely true! Couldnt explain why I was feeling tired. I found him exhausting and dreaded so much seeing him pull into my driive way and would get shaky. That was it for me! NO CONTACT is the only way to reclaim your life!! Rest Good Nutrition Be Happy and Appreciative to God . He is always there to lead and encourage! Thanks, Doc! Great vid!!

We are strangers but...I love you. There. I said it. I love the shit outta you! Lol... but no, seriously. Sharing your plethora of knowledge on this batshit crazy, toxic whirlwind life with an NPD is a massive blessing. The warmth, concern and validation you give is like the best hug or the first three bites of a healthy ass meal! 🤩🤗

The lies, trying to figure out if they are being honest, walking on eggshells, the constant drama, having to constantly protect our hearts, and in my case having to constantly outsmart him so he couldn’t take half my property.....

So true. As soon as you “unhook” or go NC you feel energized!

I always knew something was wrong...feeling like walking on eggshells all the time. I had to quit my job due to health issues brought on by 15 years of putting up with this.

Absolutely. Always explaining things to a fam member.. defending boundaries. Constant criticisms and gaslighting over and over, start wearing thin. It's awful stuff. I almost always feel drained around a certain family member of mine. It sucks.

I hope to hear about Projection on the victim from the victim's point of view, because part of the balancing act of walking on eggshells, my intuition picks up that I'm being painted by a narcissist's projection by their predator look that they stare into me. That they think I'm the problem, and that reality causes me to expend additional energy, that I'm being viewed as a monster, it makes me want to go into a people pleasing mode to prove that I'm a good person. It messes with my reality, and I'm constantly struggling not get sucked into that game. It's a no win situation, damn if I do, and damned if I don't (not going to prove I'm a good person when it's their inner psychology they see in me).

Yes I remember being absolutely emotionally and physically exhausted all the time looking back I'm pretty sure that's the way she wanted me so this way I am more easily manipulated and controlled and I just give in

And then when you go to bed they like to interrupt your sleep and argue 😠 Doctor Ramani, could you do a video about how/why they do this, I was constantly exhausted, and sleep was another thing that they tried to take away.

I lost my job during the pandemic and I lived with my narcissist so I put literally EVERYTHING into appeasing her so much that I couldn't even begin to think about job searching, let alone fathom starting a new job in that environment.

This is exactly how I'm feeling after 46 years of this crap! It's EXHAUSTING!!!!!!! All I can do is just be quiet. Nothing I say or do is never good enough. I'm just about to give up since I just don't know what to do. He's gotten so much worse with age. I wake up wondering what his mood will be.....

My narcissist husband will always speak bad about other women’s (strangers and sometimes relatives) dressing and would judge them constantly .

These people are not fit for human consumption. Hence, save your self..love yourself. 🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️

Walking on eggshells is exactly the words I used before I even knew about narcs... I always feel drained when I’m done talking to her (we have kids together) sometimes it takes three days to recover. These videos have helped me figure out so much! Her ending our engagement was the best thing she could of done for me in the long run! Thank you and remember people you aren’t alone!

Not only was I completely exhausted but I didn’t even know who I was anymore?? I went from a bubbly extrovert to a sad depressed introvert! He managed to manipulate every situation to make me feel like I was the crazy one, it’s seriously crazy how they are able to such the life out of you!

Talking with people, especially strangers, depletes my energy because of social anxiety.

I was si tired all the time I had a difficult time caring for my three children. If I attended to their needs first he would get so mad and upset, actual raging! I was also always sick, I caught everything that came around. I divorced him 18yrs ago after a total mental breakdown. I am remarried now to a wonderful man and am very happy

YES. It's so tiring trying to avoid all of the triggers and suppress yourself. Lying and hiding things that you know will be triggers and watching to see if they're agitated.

This is so true , I was so drained that all I could do was sleep and then that just became one more thing for her to rage about

I was always exhausted after coming home from being with my ex narc. It would take me at least two days to recover. I think that he was overall just an energy vampire. I’d walk in his house feeling happy but then would listen to him talk about himself for the next 2 days and rarely get a word in to the point where I just stopped trying because there was no point; he didn’t listen and he didn’t care.

This has to be something that's common when you deal with any cluster B individual. I spent a 3-4 month period in a relationship with what I think is a borderline and I lost almost 30 pounds and all my joy and energy probably only a month and a half into the relationship. I loved food and found myself constantly saying I wasn't hungry and had no appetite or energy. After a while all I wanted to do was go to sleep so I could avoid even having to walk on eggshells and dealing with drama. The moment it ended I literally felt energy and my appetite return to my body. It's insane I would never want anyone to go through that.

Yes, I walk on egg shells most of the time, I’m surprised on how many narcissist are around us, I’m an empath INFJ, being around people in general is exhausting but when I’m around narcissist it’s a horrible feeling and it really rocks my world, I feel like I’m suffocating and I can’t express myself or just be myself. Being around narcissist effects me in ways I don’t know how to handle.

I'm so tired! I have auto immune issues. My precious energy is used going "incognito". Don't engage, don't share good or bad things, no opinion on... anything...many other tactics to get through this minute, hour, day, week without being noticed. Its tiring, it makes me physically more sick. AND its sick that I don't have the capacity to walk away. Where does one start (rhetorical) after a 36 year history of this? At my age and with my health it's too much to fathom.

Definitely feel this and I feel that with that comes the tension knowing your going to be around them next. You start getting sick the moment you know they are coming or supposed to be there.

Yes this is very true .. I was constantly walking on eggshells with her .. I honestly thought it was me and that I was lazy and all these things she told me I was because I was always tired and just wanted sleep! I’ve NEVER been that way before her. I was always active I was fit but after her, I stopped doing everything wasn’t active because I was so drained and gained weight that I’m now losing . I love this video because for a long time I just couldn’t understand why my energy level was so bad. I’ve never been so exhausted in my life!

This is 100% accurate!! I’m going through it right now. My heart is literally having palpitations. I feel like I’m having anxiety attacks through this. I stay at the gym long hours so I don’t have to deal. The pain is different but I needed to feel something different. I literally feel like I’m going to go through the stages of death. I’m in denial. 😔

So true. So impossible to get anything done. I just thought it was normal, because of my upbringing. It has been really challenging to accept that when I feel exhausted from others' behavior (or the narcissism of an entire workplace culture), that's actually a problem.

Thank you, doctor Ramani. You are absolutely correct in your analysis. It is not only draining, but also like a horrible nightmare that I experience. I feel squeezed mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I teared up when you said "This is a place where I want you to know that you are not gas lighted. This is real"...Thank you for your compassion and your sense of humor:)

Thank you so much for your videos, I’ve been married to a narcissistic woman for 32 years. Now that my children have their own place, I need to move on and try to find someone that I can feel comfortable being around. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Mine would always start fights at night at 22-23 and leave me upset and unable to sleep. She slept bad so she didn’t want me to sleep either I guess. Constant fatigue from her, constant fights and drama in her life. 3 months in in no contact and I still feel more tired, it takes a heavy toll on you for sure. Adrenal fatigue I guess.

Yes! I completely agree! I found myself needing to shut myself off from the world after spending time with this person. So glad, this person is not in my life anymore.

I woke up every morning exhausted already, knowing how perfect I had to be just to get a crumb of attention, I was so deep into it, I could not see the trees through the forest. When I realized I had not smiled for years, I did not have the energy, I knew I needed to finally do something...anything.

Walking on eggshells is incredibly fatiguing. And the longer we are in a "good period" of no arguing, the more stressful it is, because I know it's only a matter of time before the meltdown comes. I become ever more vigilant, knowing that the inevitable blow up is getting closer, being more and more careful not to say or do the triggering thing. Instead of feeling relief and joy that we haven't "argued" for a couple of weeks, my anxiety level goes through the roof. Dr. Ramani, your video is bang-on - and so timely, because she melted down about 2 hours ago. It's going to be a tough week. . . 😉

There have been times during a great workout, that for some reason the Narc came to mind, and then all of a sudden my body starting cramping up and I became exhausted. Once I changed my thoughts, I got all of my energy and rhythm back. Another time I talked on the phone with a Marc friend for just two days one week, that week I had severe anxiety, and My energy was depleted the entire week. The following week, I purposely avoided this person at all cost, and this particular week I ended up feeling like a million bucks, Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually. I think it's sad and to have to avoid your own family member and or friend because of this epidemic, but my own health and sanity comes before them. If I don't shut them out, they will kill me and they are not hardly worth it.

Doctor Ramani you have completely nailed it on the head. Your analysis one 100% correct. You know what the sad part is, when victims talk about it, people don't believe it cos they don't see it.

It is a VERY real thing! After 35 years of marriage, I'm finally getting a divorce. I cannot wait to be free of the stress that accompanies living with him.

Yes! It is so exhausting I had to distance my self. I only interact with them in family settings. I also remember not to give them a reaction because it’s what they want to get their way.

Oh my goodness, YES! For 7 years I've been exhausted walking on egg shells with my "best friend." I've lost (or had to give up) several important pursuits in my life because of giving all my energy and attention to the narcissist friend. She always expected me to put HER needs first and then denied that I did anything for her or that she never wanted me to do those things for her....(Ugh. Lies! Delusion! Gaslighting!) A conversation we had just today (texting) exhausted me. She claimed a mutual friend was keeping shady association and that she wasnt going to support that... and I pointed out that SHE just had weekend guests at her house who are ALSO shady. Then I posted the 🤣🤣🤣 so she might see that I wasnt attacking her... just a subtle hint of her hypocrisy. Naturally she immediately went into projection and raged at me. I told her to drop it and I began to ignore her. She then sent many many texts saying she didnt say anything wrong and that she couldnt understand why I was upset and she had her husband read over our texts and that he agreed with her that I was blowing things out of proportion. Now we arent talking...AGAIN.

Narcissistic personalities are actually really sad people. They have a real belief that they have been deeply hurt and at the same time they also really truly think that they are in control and truly all powerful. For this reason they must seek people who have a healthy sense of self. It’s literally like a sick person seeking a doctor to get better... but what happens is because they truly live in that mindset of lack, fear, and power and seeing red in rage that you are subscribing to their level of conscious awareness and reality. The truth is that they literally exist within that reality and that’s all they know which is really sad. So when you are with a narcissist you also live in that reality with them because you share everything with them. So then living in the fear and the anger starts to constrict your own perception of reality and what is real so it’s important to identify that these people don’t have a grasp on reality at all and to just know that that’s really sad that they don’t and that you actually have a better grasp on reality than they do and that’s why they Are seeking you out.

I love how she touches on all types of relationships and not just romantic relationships.

Yep. Constantly. I thought my being exhausted all the time was due to the pandemic, not having work due to my industry shutting down, the grief of a few loved ones dying from Covid, etc. I opened up to her and told her I was worried I wasn’t being enough of a partner for her and was worried she would leave. When she discarded me, she said, “You’re right. I don’t want to be with someone who can’t get off the couch.” ….hindsight’s 20/20. She was the reason I couldn’t get off the couch.

Yes, just left a situation from walking on egg shells, Moved out. First night in new place , slept like a baby. Will be focusing now on my healing. So much love 💕

I'm always EXHAUSTED - although I am a work at home mom, and in the past I was able to take a 20 minute nap in the afternoon, which normally gives me an extra boost for the rest of the day, but in addition to my own house managerial work, and most importantly, I LOVE being with my kids and doing mom things, I'm my husband's girl Friday too. However, I don't fret - I have an escape plan; slowly but surely...

Oh yes, their constant complaining (which my NM calls "venting") then when challenged or asked what they're going to do about their problem, the focus becomes about you and how you don't understand or care about them etc, etc..... conversations in general become exhausting....I've stopped asking and just say that I'm sure they will figure it out....they seem never satisfied and all their nice comments are either about themselves or others outside the family. When you've become a target you can do no right and others can do no wrong. For me, just the feeling of dread itself when I know I will be speaking with or visiting my NM is exhausting!!!! So sad these people have to be this way, they don't realize the good life they are missing. Wishing everyone the best. Great work Dr. Ramani - my hope is the schools of psychology start taking this cluster of people more seriously and that the abuse from these people is real. Warmest regards.

I'm so glad that you made this video. I have felt this way for a long time and when he goes away I feel so much better. I wondered why that was. sometimes I can't say anything without wondering if it will be the thing that will trigger him. I get insulted for being happy. Then I'm just being smug, he says. I'm gaslighted constantly. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.

Yesssssss! I've gone no contact and ive noticed my energy is MUCH different! He was causing me anxiety! If I got off work late, missed his phone call, didn't text him back when he felt I should have, didn't talk to him all damn day!! I work nights and so I'm asleep while he is at work but he called me damn near every hour then wanted to come see me or go somewhere when I had to go to work! I wasn't supposed to be tired!! He wasn't considerate!!

I quit a job 7 years ago to move back to my hometown to help my mother with her depression. My dad drank a lot and seems to have disassociated himself with the situation, so felt I understood her depression. Seven years later I now realize her depression started when I left. I help her get her life together and become exhausted. I take a vacation and she goes downhill. I realize now she’s lied, manipulated, gaslighted and tried to control me since childhood. Now I’ve been laid off from another job for the first time in my 20 year career. The doctors have her on 9 medications that don’t seem to help a lot. I realize I sacrifice my energy for her. I’m emotionally drained and financially hurt. To say these people need a warning label is an understatement. I have let myself become a full time counsellor, nutritionists and fitness coach for no compensation and still lacking a real mother. Oh what its like to live the life of a naive empath. Thanks to Dr. Ramani for waking me up with her channel.

I was with my ex-husband for twenty years. I remember when I was married telling my sister that I felt like he sucked the life out of me. They are so skillful how they pull you in -my own personal term for them are “spiders”. They weave their web of lies and deception and you are their little fly, trapped, crying “Help Me”! I have been divorced since 2013, but have to see him often because of the children. Yuck.

I spent most of the relationship lay in bed and he would chastise me for that and criticize me and accuse me of neglecting my family. I now have lots of energy and I can function now I'm not stressed and walking on eggshells. Getting better every day

Absolutely! The day I left, I had zero energy levels, zero bandwidth for any more uncertainty, unnecessary walking on eggshells. I was spent to my last dime and currencies. My performance at work was on a downward spiral, my toxic boss was also plotting to scoop me right out of the department or better, out of the company. The only thing I had in full quantum was the conviction that it was time to go. 6months later I am feeling better and doing better getting my life back on track after 13 months of mental torment. Although I’m still figuring out to severe the marriage.. I will be ever thankful for stumbling on Dr. R’s content. Healing is in progress!

I would recommend everyone purchase her book Should I Stay or Should I Go, I use these videos as supplementary material. At first he complimented me on my amazing energy, then after time I was so exhausted didnt matter how much I slept or ate better I was just getting more and more tired. It was him. Since leaving I can breathe and dont feel anywhere as depleted even on my hardest day with my son.

This is so true! A year ago I had to let someone go who had been in my life for over 25 years. I unmasked this covert narcissist and was horrified but what I saw! At first I was very conflicted but that soon gave way to RELIEF! I physically started feeling much better, my energy returned! I love your channel and you know your sh*t! Thank you so much for sharing these videos!

Yes, yes 100 times yes!! While my roommate was out of town I got so much done! I had tons of energy and I slept better. The day before I knew he was coming home my body was starting to react and my energy level dropped. Holding him accountable to promises is also exhausting because I have to carefully remind him of his commitment to me and then of course he has no follow through. I feel like if i continue to run the day as normal (getting things done) he makes me feel like I am inconveniencing him by causing a disruption or distraction to want he wants to do, which is “social media preaching” and correcting other’s “wrong thinking”. You can’t win or even have a compromise with these people.

"You are so exhausted from keeping the peace you can't even enjoy it." Bingo.

Omg this is sooo true. I literally just realised the other day that my narc father exhausts me after spending time around him! I was wondering why I was so tired even though I had slept 9 hours the night before! Just a few hours around him and I feel like I was going to flop out from exhaustion! I slept for 3 hours in the middle of the day and had to realise that his negative energy had sapped me of mine. Toxic people for real and literal energy vampires! :-/

That was my life until January when I had to cut my narcissist mother out of my life.. I had no idea how Drain, depressed, depleted, hurt and exhausted I was until now ,, it literally saved my life. Thank you so much for your videos self knowledge is very powerful.. Blessings love you xoxo

Frozen, completely frozen, emotionally and physically. And it occurred slowly, when I really noticed what I had become, 20 years had gone by. Dont let it happen to you. Plan and turn away from the impossible situation of being inside a narcissist circle. It is like a cancer, you can't live in the same space. Cancer wins.

i was emotionally drained and mentally, began to question my sanity, boy these kinda of people are just cruel as shitttt!!!!

Not even to mention, how utterly exhausting it is to listen to someone who only and solely talks about themselves, never listens, is only centered on themselves and rattles on and on for hours. I have had so much of this in my life, at times, after being with one of those individuals, I couldn't even remember my own name. It took a while to "return" to myself and my life, and then, on top of it, experience lingering sadness about once again not being seen and heard. The dreadful feeling, as if I did not even exist. "Depleted" is a really good word here. Thank you for another great topic!

So true. Walking on egg shells with a narcissist is energy draining --depleted my health and ran my energy down over time. As always, thank you Dr Ramani.

Anytime I've ever gone on vacations with them I've spent the entire time wanting to take a nap and sleeping for 10-12 hours per night to even have enough energy to make it through the day.

And it all is subconscious. You just consciously feel drained and depressed.

I feel tired and drain all the time because of his controlling behavior , he never ever appreciate any thing .. you are right Dr Ramani 🌹

Oh gosh, now I know why all my physical symptoms have been flaring up for the last two weeks and why I kept falling asleep during the day. Ive been dealing with a toxic individual and I felt like he was draining me but I didnt realise it was quite literal. I've put firm boundaries in place. These people are lethal.

Greetings! I am an empath. I found myself trembling in his presence. I was happy to see him but my spirit did NOT want any part of him. This happened a few times and at this time I didn’t know he was a narcissist. My energy was zapped and walking on eggshells was real. Thank you for all that you teach on this channel! 🙏🏾

Oh wow I was so confused , but now after learning so much about narcissism. It explains him to the T . I walk on eggshells around him . Can’t say anything just very shallow conversation. He gets so angry that he clenches his teeth . Thank you Dr Ramani for these videos . Now everything is making sense to me . Thanks again

Yes Dr. Ramani, you are absolutely right!! I was blaming it on my job but now that I really think about it, it was him.. walking on egg shells, picking my words wisely, agreeing with points of view that wasn’t mine, working around the clock to please him and never achieving it.. that’s what got me so drained, totally exhausted!!

I hate walking on egg shells. It’s hell

Thank you for helping me heal because for a while I've been feeling like I was alone and off key.

It’s not walking on eggshells in my case. It’s the family history of emotional abuse that started when we were very young. I have become exceedingly independent because of that abuse, and decades later when I have a phone call with my narc sister, the energy changes to that earlier time and I immediately start feeling low energy and victimized as if I’m back in that abusive situation. I can feel the judgment over the phone, and the put downs. She always felt entitled and has stolen money from me in the past. My goal was always to be independent and live far enough away so I can stay safe and sound. I’ve literally seen dark energy after a phone call with her and after hanging up, immediately suffered a three day migraine. Most of my siblings are narcissistic, and I am very empathetic.

"Bandwidth", indeed emotional bandwidth... brilliant description... I was amazed after being discarded in the most machievalian way and after I dealt with legal and social care issues and straightened it all out and got my children back, and after I had grieved, I just could not believe how I was able to do in a day of work what used to take a week, how much more able I was to deal with a smile my 3 young children and still have boundless energy... I had time amd energy for friends and family... life had improved several hundred percent... It's like a weight was chained to my torso and dragging behind me... I really felt "compressed"... now it feels like such a weight has been left behind... like my lungs have doubled their capacity... And yes there are many areas where I am picking up the pieces, putting life in order, and that used to feel so hopelessly daunting. Not any more... the small pressures that used to paralyze me are so much more manageable and promote motivation and assertiveness rather than anxiety. Thank you for that video... I hadn't really realised. I knew life with a CN was a drag... and nothing worked and that made it worse... getting "fired" from family therapists on a few occasions.. she of course got fired from her own (they needed to protect themselves) I haven't had that experience ever, which makes me realise they were wiser than I was and obviously refused to play the game... but yes... "bandwidth" really captures the reality... better than "drag"... when I think of all the time I spent searching for answers, convincing myself, exhausting every possible way to improve the relationship... how all consuming the effort hurt was... I spent a decade on "dial-up" speed, and now I can finally multitask at ease...