Yep. I’m one of the first generations to have this insidiously taught to me and I am (have been for years) SO NOT liking the fact that my daughter’s generation was privy to this, as well. Thank goodness for Betty Friedan and the women’s movement, because I was able to voice my resistance to a lot of this message, to my daughter and to my students in grade school (both male and female). The ME TOO generation has jumped on board, as well, though there are generations of people who believe that the patriarchal system in which power is the way to influence the “lesser” people in the work environment, both males and females. The “boys will be boys” mentality. I no longer laugh at men’s demeaning jokes about “women drivers”, or the “let me do it, little lady” kind of remarks, as do some of my friends. The toxic ex wrecked MY car (and injured me) by not being observant at an intersection. Yet he constantly called down my driving. I was also the one who FIXED a lot of the household items that needed fixing, because HE was too effing lazy!!! (But I’m not bitter!🤪) Glad to have 2 1/2 years of no contact “under my belt”, because I no longer have to listen to his “finger-pointing” about all people and their behaviors. He can avoid responsibility by complaining to someone else, IF there is another someone else. Blessings.❤️

Katie Frank I couldn’t have said it better if I tried!!

@@nryane Covert mom's idea of brain washing my daughter to play with toys was described as 'encouraging'. My daughter grew up to have that "doll phobia". Ha ha - How is changing a doll's diaper fun and at such a young age? How is playing with barbies 'interesting'? Changing them into this outfit from that one? Yes all pretend, let's pretend we like this! Covert mom forced me to do ballet for several years. I'd end up ditching class and going to the library. My daughter did ballet at 4 yrs of age and refused to return for another year. She's now a 3rd year biology student... I'm a Forest Technician, we are S.T.E.M., Hubby won't allow me to drive his twuck, no prob, he pays for 'everything' and got stuck driving the kids everywhere. I got rid of my vehicle so I wouldn't have to. They walked or bussed everywhere. Society insist we spend time fixing ourselves up instead of spending time educating ourselves, watching the news to see what's going on so men can 'get off' more easily.

Josee Noel I was not as directed toward science or math as you. I did give my daughter the toy options of “boy” oriented toys, in addition to dolls, etc. I wanted her to have a more balanced approach to life than “girl” stuff! It has helped, I think, as she is now a writer/film-producer, currently producing a documentary about unusual women. My daughter has been directing my granddaughter toward S.T.E.M. subjects. Glad to hear that you and your daughter have found your ways in life.❤️

@@nryane hay congrats, I was not directed towards anything but kicked out at 17 whereas I 'got pregnant' and had to go for the same abortion twice..... My toxic narc family always said that my desire to have a non-traditional trade was due to my desire to be a 'man'. It is very cool that you know what S.T.E.M. stands for. I'd told my daughter to take science in college but she didn't listen (took art) and had to do all her maths in Ottawa before being accepted to a university here in Montreal. Our standards are quite high. Thank you for all. Thank goodness we fell through the cracks. Covert mom directed me to being and living dumb so I'd be dependent on her later in life. Boy is she mad! It's all nighmarishly true. Narcs don't want to see you happy.

I have started teaching it. I need to save as many souls as possible.

@@thesciencehubskb Bless your heart. ❤

It should be taught in middle school too.

All they do is teach us how to be employees.

Amen. I had a high school friend that was killed by her husband in front of her kids and a foreign exchange student. She had been trying to get away from him for years. I went to the funeral and the preacher was preaching how he hoped she didn't go to hell. She was a paralegal. The man claimed self defense although he reloaded the shotgun and shit her again. In trial, everything that he had been telling people about her in church, was found to be untrue. He said she was using drugs, and having affairs. She had recorded all the incidents of domestic violence and had them notarized. In the trial they finally back tracked what she had been saying. She had no support from law enforcement nor the church because they believed him. Where I live that is fairly common. I'm writing a book about what I know of that experience. I worked with domestic violence and sexual Assault for 8 years.

Exactly and it's extremely creepy .

@@Mike-xt2lh thank you; I needed to hear this, as uncomfortable as it is to have this 'sweet behavior' identified so bluntly, it is also validating for the discomfort I always felt from it!

I am in one right now and its sosuffocating. Working on a way out but they just don't wanna let go.

If they are tracking you, it means they don't trust you!

YUP. The person I married was maybe 40-50% less controlling than my mother, so I didn't realize he was controlling at all until years later when I started to heal from my childhood. It's like waking up in a prison you created for yourself while trying to escape the one you were born in.

Happened to me, I wish I could tell the diffrence and save myself.

Very true. I thought being smashed down and controlled even to the level of what i thought, was love. Thanks dr ramani, green is a great colour on you.

This is so true. I can identify with this.

BEST COMMENT EVER ❤

You won't be sorry.

💯

Amen

trudi trudi Me too I am glad God gave me courage to send my 2 children out of country (India) At least they are safe now and one day even I will run away

I think I dodged a bullet recently. Was kind of seeing this very attractive guy and he was always asking in a worried tone-“I hope you’re not giving my loving to anyone else.” If I backed off here and there (usually bcuz I had doubts and at times felt like he was taking me for granted and such) he would ask when we got back together-were you with anyone else while we were apart? It’s not good tho and even tho I was still quite head over heels and wanting him, I had to end it regardless. It wasn’t over a long period of time, but mere concern and worries would’ve prob eventually turned into paranoia and accusations eventually. And it’s what they say. Projection. One who constantly worries and accuses like this is the one likely doing it themselves. Somehow it’s ok for them but not for us. SMDH. He also pushed for being exclusive within a few weeks, which I thought also was romantic, but I see now it was premature and pigeonholing me.i was to merely be his possession, not his main squeeze in life to be on equal terms with.I left really cuz I had no real peace deep down and couldn’t trust him and he’d put me on hold half the time anyways. I said to myself, well, I’m alone half the time anyways, may as well just go back to being alone all the time.

mac1bc?? Can’t get your comment to load here. But as far as I could see on my notifs, what is not good is a constant worrying about am I messing around with anyone else? When the answer was totally no, but why couldn’t he trust me? But my future policy is date around (no sex) with multiple men. Be social. Get to know different people. Etc. If I find someone I like a whole lot in the midst of all this, still even with that you need sufficient time to get to know someone (idk, say approx 3 months maybe) before you agree to be exclusive. And even then you gotta know what exactly you’re committing to. Like do our future goals match and many other things that matter with a serious relationship. Also trust has to be established over time. It can’t be properly developed hastily. That’s kind of my take on it anyways. But I’ve since learned that it takes a lot more than infatuation and the feel goods to actually make a real relationship work. And you can’t just let that good feeling run hog wild either. It needs to be paced and managed. Fire is good, but wildfire burns everything in its path while a contained fireplace fire warms up the room. These are some of the things I’d do differently and am considering for all my future interactions with the opposite sex. There is literally no good reason for a woman to allow herself to be rushed or not take things very slowly and at a steady pace. I’ve also since learned that even good men can be quite impetuous, and change their minds, and really that’s not always the wisest thing to hitch your horse to. And all feelings are just that-feelings. Feelings are volatile and often change from one moment to the next. You have to be able to have something more than just feelings to go by and have a good moral compass and good self control.

Brave lady, well done. X

Im sorry you had to go threw all of that but great for you to leave when you could. 👍

Visca Red yes please more videos on narc parents

Me too

This is good when you had adifficult childhood m.kzfaq.info/get/bejne/hZqDapqft9yynXU.html

Yes please

@@mariepichler2758 This is a horrible woman.

Awesome quote; thanks!

Love this book. Reading it again now! It’s different reading in reflection…as opposed to when I was younger and still denied red flags…

Controlling guys try to come off as protective 90% of the time

I’m so glad you mentioned this. It happens in all relationships even between women. Thank you for bringing this to light.

In lesbian community there are some women I came across wanted control their partners in every ways(stay away!). To me their partners look like slaves. This happens to heterosexuals too.

But your life may depend on this distinction. Hope you are doing better now ❤

Men like to be needed. It is a natural instinct. They are built to be providers and care takers. My dad for example will rebuild a house just to be appreciated and feel respected. Men love knowing they are contributing in a meaningful way. Not just wanted but needed. The most romantic scentence to a man is, I appreciate all you do, you are a great man and I love you for it. So being needed shouldn't be a red narcissistic flag immediately.

Yeah, but you’re not really describing “being needed,” that’s being wanted, being appreciated, being loved. Being “needed” is the sense that you cannot function without that person, like they “complete” you, which isn’t a healthy outlook. You want both partners to be fully whole, complete people who make each other’s lives better. Needing to be “needed” over being “wanted” is a red flag, even if that’s just a red flag for someone being insecure rather than narcissistic.

I found out that he text the hell out of me.Later he stopped because many of times he was bedding his secondary supply.He 21 years older.

​@@feliciacarrington681 same he's 37 she's 19. He thought I would hate her or something but I just feel really bad for her. She's in for a wild abusive ride :( I honestly wish I was ever able to befriend or communicate what happened to me to her but I don't think I would have been listened to and it's too hard for me to even talk about it with friends.

@@victoriadorgu3207 There's much more devious things in human nature than cheating. There's a gamut. Emotional as well as physical cheating is basic. There can be fanacial and spiritual defrauding as well. It's a very fragile world out there.

Get out, run...run... RUN before he totally destroys you!!!

I have a video that is short and explain all this but its in french from France. kzfaq.info/get/bejne/qpuHqtKdvpm3moE.html

Right? He was so concerned about where I was. He had the tracker on my phone. I’ll admit that I felt cared for. :(

It's never them!

That's his problem. Be glad he's insane enough to believe his own made up lies and leave you alone.

Yeah. She has done a video on narcissistic dads, but I'd like for her to speak about it more. I would love a perspective on friends and siblings too. Having or choosing the wrong friends can be equally damaging as the wrong boyfriend/ girlfriend.

Ash Abdi Check out ASSC DIRECT. I wish Quinn and Dr. Ramani would team up because they are both so amazing on NPD.

@@kaylaree6479 thanks Kayla

Ash Abdi I had a boss who was so controlling he felt it was okay to comment on my relationship and my body (to lose weight)

Scary!! Ew

Cause they have no soul.

True. I feel the same way.

agreed! me too

So you are a qualified counselor?

@@attadudepc its common sense.

@@deesee3622 good for you. some people didn't learn this shit becaus as a kid they learnt unhealthy patterns.

Omg..my ex started recording our phone conversation because he felt like he wanted to catch me in a lie when in fact he was the one lieing when he played the recording back. It was just sickening to even know he was recording period.

Omg!!! 😢😢

That's what happened to me on top of physical abuse and I'm now experiencing this minus the physical abuse and I'm just so lost

How are you doing​@@ToriOdevlin-mx3rh

How are u

@@bellafreebies9717 I am still failing at life

Yes! Please! My Ma (I'm pretty sure that she's a narcissist.... a covert "I'm the victim BUT I'm strong" type) is pushing me to do the Disney indoctrination with my (almost) 1 year old daughter. I'm not sure if I want to since I know and remember watching "The Little Mermaid" everyday, all day, over and over again. I know it affected my self esteem and my Ma and dad didn't help in their distorted and destructive parenting style. I don't want to do that to Adrianna Marie. I believe Disney was created by the military industrial complex and I've read that Walt Disney was a pedophile who drew subliminal pictures of sexual parts or words in all the movies. Also, I've noticed that Disney always either kills the mother off within the first 5 minutes into the movies or No mother present at all! Which is just weird, not promoting the best family union or values.

You would be interested in the Lindsay Ellis channel and perhaps Pop Culture Detective. Check it out!

@@robertruge2916 I think you may be throwing the baby out with the bath water. Tales and myths are just like any tool; they can be harmful or beneficial depending on the intent of design by the writer/the audience. Take the swastika for example. It's an ancient sacred geometrical symbol in mysticism still used in Asia. However, since the Nazi's adopted it as their political symbol, it's been regarded as taboo in the West. This is no fault to the symbol itself. In engineering, this geometric configuration is necessary in many instances.

für Geld muss man arbeiten...... Arbeiten kann an nur wenn man JAva und Datenbanken kann..... alles andere ist unmöglich, ah Marketing vielleicht und Webseiten..... aber dafür muss man emplyed werden, aber Firmen employen dich nicht also kackt man ab...... oder gibt NAchhilfe

@@mamabear-9.18.18 Yes! I have thought the same of Disney movies! Promoting a sense of abandonment of children. As well as the whole Prince charming BS. I've also heard the pedo stuff about Disney and recently several of their writers & top execs etc have been found to have porn or be pedos.

Kick him out of the house

I never, until just now, associated this behaviour with control, because it seemed 'benign'. That it bothered me was a sign of 'my issues' I thought. Some uncomfortable light bulbs coming on...

Brix X who’s more frustrating than narcissists? Every kind of behavior- that I can think of -that is frustrating to a point of causing upset, is usually due to a repetitive narcissistic trait. Others who are annoying, prob just don’t know they are annoying, but would care, within reason, to rectify

@@jaritamccully3797 Mainly you will find such persons when you look at other personality disorders. Especially people with borderline, paranoid, schizotypal, histrionic, antisocial and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder will mainly cost you energy. These people behave always like they do. Not so a narcissist. Don't forget, a narcissist wants to be beloved and admired. If he'd be always a jerk to all the other people around him, he couldn't reach that goal. A narcissist has no reason to attack someone who shows that he is a friend or where he can see that he is on his side. For example with borderline personality disorder that's absolutely not the case. You can be the best friend of that person, but suddenly he attacks you for no reason (you often don't know the trigger). And I guess you know antisocial personality disorder (APD). They don't care about other people at all. They are surely the worst. They show sometimes narcissistic behavior, but not always. Primarily you can find the narcissistic behavior at psychopaths, the worst form of APD. Psychopaths are always narcissists, but narcissists are not always psychopaths. And that's what I don't like about the explainations of Dr. Ramani. She mixes the definitions and behaviors of narcissists and psychopaths.