“Why am I chasing this thing that doesn’t have much content?” Susan, you nailed it.

“Omg he really likes me 🥰” Him: *and scene*

“That’s it? That’s all there is??”. 😆😆 So funny. This line alone gave me my power back because sometimes I asked myself “what the hell do you see in him anyway??”. Thank you. Really gave me a laugh...

I'm coming from a 7 months relationship with someone like that. I ended up having anxiety and depression. That's how sick and toxic was the relationship.

love is like a Butterfly, if you Chase it, it will elude you, though if you stand Still, it can land on your shoulder..

This is a classic narcissist. All I can say pleading anyone who sees these red flags is RUN. The charm at first was even suspicious. They love bomb you and come on strong, but you’re flattered. They eventually pull you in and become a completely different person and slide in hurtful/obscene remarks as “jokes” and love to talk about themselves. When you stand up for yourself or confront them for their behavior, they gaslight you and say your reaction to their abuse was the problem. It never gets better. I just dealt with this first hand for 4 months, way too long honestly. I would be so done with him and his psychosis, but he always lured me back in with a fake apology or “I love you”. He’d look through my phone but the second I tried he said “you’re just gonna have to trust me”. Trust me, there’s better out there and there’s someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. They know this, they just don’t want you to know. If you have the feeling like you’re losing your sanity when you’re with them, you probably are. And they know exactly what they’re doing. Don’t question your gut

I used to ‘pursue’ because I thought I had said or done something wrong Until I realized it was more about What was going on inside of them than it was about me. I like your open and honest approaches. Just a matter of fact honesty no drama

"The only time they look good to you is when they're running away from you" SO TRUE, guys can be like that a lot. I have no time for that, I want someone who Wants me for Real.

“That’s it? That’s all there is??” That's exactly how I feel

Wow this just happened to me last month but I told him I’m not with the games you want build or not? He chose to walk away and I didn’t stop him. 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Thank you Susan, I needed this. I have already kind of made my mind up to stop chasing someone I've come to care about very much, because they started displaying this exact pattern of behavior - your perspective on the issue just reinforced my conviction in staying true to that decision. The "hot and cold" behavior pattern is apparently also quite common to people with legit personality disorders (specifically NPD, BPD and HPD), so... yeah. You'll really want to be careful when pursuing someone, who does this to you. Letting go still hurts a lot though... :(

Either that or ‘you’re not the One’. They like you, but once you get close and move towards to a more committed relationship, they distance themselves. Did that for 3-4 yrs. What a waste of emotional energy & time. Never again.

Omg!!! This is GENIUS!!! Speaking of no more sleepless nights, it's literally almost 2am and I can't sleep again bc of this guy. He does this exact thing, will let me get close but then pulls away for reasons he doesn't give. I literally just said to myself well, I can't sleep again let me atleast see what's new on KZfaq and up pops your video!!!😁 The Universe always provides what we need at the Divine moment and this my lovely has been a God sent for me.🙏🏻 Perfect for the start of this new year and one of my resolutions. From this point on I will only invest to the degree that someone invests in me. I so appreciate you and cannot THANK U enough for this video, insight, clarity!!! YOU ROCK SUSAN!!!!💐 With So much Gratitude~😘

"They are more shiny at a distance" wise words!

EXCELLENT VIDEO SUSAN! The typical person (codependent) will ask themselves 'why are they doing this to me' but you're absolutely right, the question to be asked is WHY AM I ALLOWING IT? It probably goes back to programming you received in childhood where you were taught you had to work for love (uugghhh). There has to be more conversation focused on us and why we tolerate what we do because it's the only thing we can control (and heal) and hopefully as a result, attract a person who values us.

There should be another button called "in love with Susan".

This perfectly describe my ex-boyfriend...thanks God he is now only in my past

Hands down this has been the best video ever made from a chaser/runner perspective you said this so beautifully. I wish I found this in 2015 lol. Thanks Susan❤️👌🏽

You're always on point

You are so so right Susan. Watching them get a bit drunk and seeing what pops out of their mouth is also quite revealing, as they are off their game and the push and pull mode really comes out. These are the relationships that hurt. They feel amazing, and then, there is this hurt again and it's like little stuff, but really it's huge.

Just made me realize that I'm not the problem and I've always known this but somehow I keep chasing and seeking her approval and validation. I know she loves me but actions are very questionable sometimes

Thank you Susan for being a constant inspiration to us all. You have made my life so much easier and with so much clarity. Even since I was a little boy I never got the concept of 'Hot & Cold' and was driving myself CRAZY as to why the guys I dated did that. I even tortured myself even further, as if I needed more suffering, to figure out WHY psychologically they did what they did. Now, at 40 years old, I know to step back and not be involved in this toxic dynamic. And you are 1,000% right about the fear they have that they are NOT all that. Every man I dated who played me hot and cold, was boring, not all that, incompetent, limited and insecure. It ALL makes sense. You are a genius, Susan!!!

Susan, I think you just confirmed what I felt in my gut for some time now. He is not a drama person but he pulls away whenever we are taking a little step forward. Its a confusing thing because he is the one approaching me every day for the last 8 months. He is a nice guy but we live apart in two different countries and .. I think I will just move on.

Am considering switching from two legged guys to a 4 legged species. Unconditional love. What a breath of fresh air

Oh God, I had such a girl two years ago. It was a nightmare. A week of feeling secure, then she started an argument, I had to chase her; she was running away. Then she came back, and all the same. I opened my eyes when I accidentially noticed that I wasn't the only one in her life.

On point as always! Thank you. Let go of the need to chase and the wrong person will move away making room for the right person to get close.

I beat myself very hard over this just last year. What you said made so much sense. I was looking back and thought to myself, just what was I obsessing so much over him. So glad I am over that. And I hope everyone here gets over it as well. We all deserve better. :) Thank you, Susan. *love and hugs

" Everything looks more interesting when it's running away from us". This is me. I can't ever let a man catch me. I can't allow it. I don't throw fits but I pull away...100% aloof.My Mama always told me " be mysterious to a man...if you are one dimensional or " real", you will bore him and he will leave you." The problem with that way of life is it spills over into your entire life. The man who was the love of my life stopped my drama by never letting our feet touch the ground with passion, lovely homes and travel....until finally, he let go and let me crash to earth. I was no longer mysterious. I wasn't sure who I was without him. Perhaps my Mama was right. I let him catch me and he let go. I love you madly Susan....always will. xxoo Happy New Year

Wow, Susan! I was married to this type of person. We were definitely on a crazy cycle. I never learned the red flags of what to look for before I got married and now that I know them, I can go back and point out specific unhealthy behaviors she exhibited. I kept trying to please her but she expected me to read her mind. There is more but now that I look back, she was playing these stupid games. She blames me for everything that went wrong. I was not growing as a person when I was with her but I have grown tremendously since the divorce. She is still the same bitter person.

Valuing yourself and be straight and true on what we want is the best thing that works out, it eliminates all the dramas and play that can occur in relationships, thanks for the talk, I'm so glad to hear it

Your amasing! 7 weeks into a new relastionship, he went cold, pulled away. When I didn't respond he sent little nudges asking how I was. So I'd say great!! How are you? No answer. Then another Joe are you? Still avoiding my previous question. I felt I was being toyed with so I got intouch. Said if you don't sort yourself out, I'm going to walk. He turned things round blaming me or making up accused which contradicted himself, making him look stupid frankly. So I said, goodbye and good luck. I don't have the paitience which is a positive thing!

Wow motivation to walk away. And i loved her but the disrespect was my last straw

Love this! So simple, it’s what we don’t say that hurts us the most.

Susan this video absolutely put everything in perspective that I was going thru! This was such a huge help you have no idea!!! Thank you!

Susan, you’re amazing! I love your work and videos! I admire how you specifically articulate the exact point, so much so that it makes me question whether I’ve also been playing the dating game and whether I’ve been the deflector. Your videos are so great, and looking forward to more 😄

Thank you, Susan, for another amazing video that has opened my eyes and, equally important, taken the frustration and pain away.

I will always love people who make things clear that other want to keep obscure. Bless your heart:)

Omg! You really know your stuff! This makes so much sense. Thank you so much!

Thank you for your videos-I find them to be very helpful!

This answered everything, thank you. You are amazing.

Love your content. Going through this now 😫

Thank you for this video!!! Excellent and helpful information.

Thank you Susan! You are so beautiful and wise! I gain strength by watching your video and internalizing all the wisdom you share!

Thank you so much, you're amazing! I'm hooked to this channel . You're the best !

Nice video Susan, i've been through many moments like this before and the way you explain the topic helps me to understand from another point of view the same scenario. Tahnks and keep up the good work!

Omg!!! we're you watching my life in a movie? This is spot on right Now in my life. I new I wasn't crazy. Thank you for this. Thank-you. Happy New Year's to us all.

Thank you Susan! EXCELLENT insight!

Susan you are just incredible to listen to. I am blessed to have found you. Thank you for your devoted attention and expertise to all of us who are “stuck” in the dating world!

Another great lesson Susan....thanks for the video :)

thank you susan, your channel is the other side of the coin that we need. you talk about the whys and depths of human behavior instead of telling us how to do things. you dissect the human mind in a motherly way and im glad i found this channel.

Susan your are too good! brilliant insight!

Great video Susan!!! I learned a lot. Now I have some homework to do. Thank you so much!!!

Always on time, always hits home. Thank you Susan and Happy New Year 🎉

Wow; I watched so many videos over a year and a half and I never had anyone explaining it like you do!! Wow 🙏 I never had anyone like this and everything was so unusual & not clear!! But I did left it cause I respect myself and didn’t go along with the game!! You nailed it!!

I just found this channel and I absolutely LOVE YOU!

Hey Susan, thanks for your help on the contribution of my personal development. Hope you had a good new years! Looking forward to all the amazing videos this year. Keep up the hard work! 😄

Hey lady. I just love your channel. You just made me see so much in just the length of this video. What you are trying to say is that we glamorize these people, put them on pedestals and in the meanwhile we are demeaning ourselves, by taking their bs. We do deserve so much better treatment. Thank you so much.

Oh my God you are amazing! Thank you! Please start videos on the initial dating / “getting to know them” phase, tips to help get on the same page or discern If the guy has potential, how to navigate early dates. Keep up the AMAZING work

Thanks Susan for this insight. I have been following your channel for last few months and u are always so clear in your understanding about relationships. I badly needed this particular insight for unfortunately going through exactly the same situation. Thanks once again

Very interesting video. Thanks.

So much clarity!! I love it!

Happy New Year, dear Susan! Thank you for your new video. By the way, ( we women like compliments) - your hair looks better than ever. Keep it fabulous!

Yes, unfortunately it happened so often to me. I learned to keep my feet on the ground and watch the situation and actions before I allow myself to get romantic to avoid becoming dependent and trusting the wrong person. Thanks Susan. I wish you a wonderful New Year! 💮🐝

This was eye-opening. Thank you.

Susan, that was a very well reasoned and well explained discussion on why the turmoil is created by some people. They are as you point out, very unhappy inside and insecure. It is almost impossible to get beyond this situation and it will definitely make you crazy trying.

You are always spot on, Susan. Bravo. I have such an understanding and appreciation of how you express yourself that I can almost guess the words you're about to say. It's really cool to be on the same wavelength as someone. I love your work.

Thank you Susan..just when i made up my mind today to end this unhealthy dynamic that has trapped me for 12 months, i heard this now from you. You have reinforced my decision so strongly, i needed this so much to shut this door for good, and that awareness is very self empowering. Thank you so much..God bless you!!

Susan this is one of the best videos of all time. You are really getting things to the deepest level. You are helping ppl to get closer to enlightment. Thank you.

Awesome information thank you 😊 truly appreciate it

Perfect thing I needed to hear. Thank you!

Not in any kind of relationship. But, I love your brilliance, Susan. Your teaching is invaluable. I digest every word just to learn people in general. Love you logic, keen sharpness for the usage of words. Very smart lady you are. God bless you and happy New Year.

Hello Susan. Thank you so much for your lovely videos and messages. You have truly helped with my relationships. You are so inspirational and I can sense that you really care about your followers. Thank you so much for your wise words. You are truly a woman of quality and substance. Everything you say is eloquently delivered. X

Excellent video. I would also point out that you shouldn't expect all people to be conscious of the fact they are doing this. Some of them just have an avoidant attachment style and play these games without knowing why they are doing it. Trying to 'fix' them is hopeless. All you can do is follow Susan's advice and call 'em like you see 'em, then hope they value themselves and their own happiness enough to make the chances they need to.

Their Loss!

Wonderfullll!!!! Susan...this talk is for life!

Brilliant Advice, Thank You

BY FAR the best explanation! Thank you, Susan! PS: You have a great voice, very intriguing ♡

Thank you so much Susan for this wonderful video

I really needed to hear this right now. Thank you!!! ❤️

Incredible schooling. Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart!! Xx

Makes so much sense! Thank you!

U ARE SOOOO SPOT ON...THX

WOW! My eyes are now opened!

Such a great video at the right moment. It was badly needed and i was actually looking for this kind of advice. I have been confused for over 2 years now but today got the answer as to how to deal with my situation

Wonderful video and much needed right now thank you Susan!😘

Thank you for simplifying my life 🙏🏾 keep up the amazing job.

Thank you Susan I wish I would have watched this a long time ago. I spent too many years chasing the runners as I call them. Finally I told her I am not going to be a part of the drama and said goodbye. What you said helped me understand myself a little better and give me more to work on.

Priceless information. Never heard this explained so well before. I'm in shock or disbelief that I didn't understand this before. You just really specified everything. This has helped me to understand a big part of why I was doing this for the past year. I like to understand my behavior as well. Thanks Sue

You are fantastic. Your message is refreshingly uplifting.

Happy, Healthy & a Prosperous New Year Susan, to you, your family & your subscribers. In regard to chasing, First Time its Cute, Second Time its Annoying, Third Time, I'm Gone.

Wow, thanks for this valuable information.

Thank you Susan for this valuable insight. I have this kind of situation that is wrapped in a passive type of personality. There is never a true indication that she is in the Game. Its like she is emotionally incompetent. The most bizarre thing. Perhaps some narcissism spun in there as well. Its an empty relationship. No reward, no intimacy, nothing to base trust on. The moment you develop trust, it is washed away. I am in the state of non-denial so it does not rack my brain anymore. I will use your words wisely. Thank you L

Hi Susan, your explanations are just wonderful and even funny. Best wishes and thanks a lot for your great videos Mia 🌸😃💖

Very informative. Thank you!

BRILLIANT! Thank you

Very eye-opening. Thank you.

You are my favorite. This is SO real. The last two times I have gone out with my “situationship” partner - I felt I was starting to realize these things. That he isn’t even all that great, etc. Then somehow he still manages to get me hooked back on again by being distant, playing games, trying to make me jealous. My gut has been feeling he does this stuff on purpose but I didn’t quite understand why. I needed to hear this! Thank you! I am breaking it off for good

thank you for this precious topic ❤️

Once again, needed to hear it.. Thanks!

Ohh thank you so much !!!! I have been struggling trying to figure this out. I have asked everyone I know about it. I was super mentally obsessed thinking this person has narcissistic behaviours, because they really enjoyed my confusion too. Glad I know now, my thesis is at stake.