My therapist cried once in session, and it was one of the most validating things that has ever happened to me

My therapist cried when I told her I was suicidal and had a suicide plan. I have been working with her for almost 2 years and in the middle of My husband’s cancer and My own pain I was ready to die. She even Said that when she is an Old lady in a nursing home, that I would be one of the few she would think about and she begged me to stay a live. I did not find it difficult or weird. It gave me the power to go to a mental health hospital to get medication.

My therapist cried once at the end of my therapy on her last day when she was leaving to go somewhere else. I quite liked it because it made me think her feelings/care/compassion for me was real and she genuinely did care about me it's not just a job that she does to get paid. She genuinely wanted to help me and I thought so much of her it was nice to think she cared about me.

Ur therapist crying with u is a blessing it means there's a connection which is beautiful

I was crying once during a session and my therapist's eyes began to water. She didn't full on cry, but I kinda helped for me. I didn't feel alone with my feelings. Like the immense pain I was feeling wasn't only mine and someone else saw and felt how bad it was. Because when talking to friends and family, they'd be sympathetic but I knew they didn't get it. And sometimes in therapy, even though it's supposed to be non judgemental, I feel vulnerable and dumb being the only one crying and seeing someone nodding in sympathy makes me feel even more alone, so seeing her feel it showed me that she was truly trying to understand to help me, and it affected her. Does that make sense?

Skip to 4:00 to hear her answer the title of the video

As a school psychologist of over twelve years, I only cried in front of a high school student during session once. A young man detailed over two hours the finding of his mother’s body following suicide and trying to perform CPR on her, while he waited in agony for paramedics to arrive. It was much too late though, and her stiffness prevented her jaw from being able to open, and he had to wait with her body, terrified and confused, until help arrived. Hearing his detailed account of finding his mother and the hell he proceeded to live through made me cry. I found Kati’s assertion that a therapist crying is counter transference to be harsh and overly simplistic. I’m a human with empathy and this student suffered so badly it hurt my heart for him. I hope he didn’t feel any guilt from my emotion, but I’m a human being as is he, and the suffering he endured broke my heart.

If a therapist cried while listening to me, I would only feel closer to them. The problem is that I might stop seeing them as a therapist and begin seeing them as a friend.

I was telling my therapist a situation I went through many years ago and when I stopped I noticed she was tearing up. Turns out my story was the opposite side of something she had gone through. She thanked me for sharing and said it helped her with something she had always wondered........I'm glad she showed tears, makes her more "real" in my eyes, it was a blessing really.

wish i could have someone like you as my therapist

I'm studying psychology and we've spoken about this at school because we know one day we'll be therapists (well, most of us). And what my professors have said and I have to say I agree with this, is that we're all human. Even therapists.. And if you cry or your eyes water - that HAS to be okay. It's a human emotion and feeling and showing empathy is never a bad thing. Not to say it's great to see your therapist cry in every session and obviously not every patient will react the same way to it. But I just don't think we can say it's a choice you can make, it not always is. Sometimes you can't help it. Therapists shouldn't be shamed for that. I really wish everyone could just realize therapists are just as human as their patients are, not some perfect superhumans. I think it can even help patients to trust their therapists more. I've heard of patients saying it helped them, because it made them feel this special feeling of realizing their story could touch someone else in that way. I think that's beautiful.

This was an interesting question. My therapist has only cried once, but it was because her dog passed away. It was understandable. I had just lost a cat, so she shared her dog story.

My therapist cried a couple of times but when I accomplished a big goal. Her eyes got watery. It was sweet!

I've only ever had two therapists. My first one sobbed very outwardly when listening to stories about my childhood, I thought it was really sweet and pretty comforting actually. My second (and more recent one) NEARLY cried once during a session, but just managed to hold it in. I'm pretty amazed she kept it in to be honest - not because of my story, but because of the empathy it provoked in her. The details that almost made her cry was based on my fear of a man who I once lived with, a terrifyingly unstable individual who could have killed me, my mother and sister when he was at his worst. We managed to escape him eventually, but it was a rough ride. Turns out the very person I was telling all this to; understood my plight a little too well. Just two months ago, my sweet therapist was murdered by her ex-husband in her own home. The asshole responsible tried to pass it off as a suicide, and orphaned his own young children. The grief has been pretty heavy on everyone. I really miss her.

My therapist cried in one of my sessions but she tried to hide it. It wasn't about me, but I was sharing a story about my student and how difficult her home life had been. I still feel really close to her and her brother because they're at my school and sometimes when I talk about it I cry too. Certain things make me emotional, especially when it's about hurting innocent children. I respected my therapist's reaction because I could tell she cared for kids similarly to me but she was also able to continue on with our session even though she was teary eyed for a bit.

The best way for me to feel re-motivated is to get up early (very hard or impossible when you are depressed I understand) and watch the sunrise, I reminds me that there is always a fresh start, you can always try again.

When i cant afford a therapist so i subscribe to one on KZfaq. 😂😂 thanks for existing kati ❤❤

I've had a therapist cry and it's horrible for me. I can see how it might be validating to some for their story to emotionally affect somebody. For me, someone who feels like a burden to others sometimes and feels the need to take care of others, it made me feel like I couldn't share certain things because it upset my therapist. It also made me a little resentful because therapy is a time when, yes, it is supposed to be all about me. I want my therapist to acknowledge my struggles but help me see them from a neutral perspective.

I went to a therapy session, because I was forced to (I'm only 14). And after about 15 minutes of talking to the lady, she turned around and said "I'm sorry". When I asked why she was sorry she turned back around to face me and started crying (even though I wasn't). After a bit of awkward silence, all she said was "I just feel so bad for you". So in my opinion I think it's ok for your therapist to cry, but it does make you feel really guilty. Now I find out next week if I will be put into the foster system.

I think it's validating, but I can also see how it would be hard for some clients.

A counselor of mine once got teary-eyed in a session when I revealed to her than my aunt died (I had been communicating with her about my aunt’s health and updating her on the situation). I did feel a bit awkward, but this counselor was understandably sad for me, plus she was still getting her practice hours and was fairly new to counselling. She was one of the best counselors I ever had!🙂

I'm not a therapist, but I get teary eyed from anger when someone tells me about an injustice they've been through. Particular if it's something out of their control, like neglect or abuse they experienced as a child. Hearing and seeing stuff like that really resonates with me, not just because I've experienced abuse myself, but because I hate seeing it continue to happen in the world and I actively fight against it. I think, in that instance, it's okay. That people gain trust in me because they see I have empathy and passion to fight for them.

My psychiatrist whom I’ve seen since I was about 14 teared up a bit when taking about my Mom who was going through cancer at the time. It actually touched me. It made me feel like she had really come to know me throughout the years.

I read something from a therapist once that said that they didn't cry in sessions because it then makes the session or the moment about them instead of the client. That makes sense to me! I will say that I agree with you about crying in the last session--it made it easier for me in my last session with my therapist when we were both crying. It helped to know that she had that deep of feelings for me.

My Male Therapist teared up very much and I saw his eyes water up and become almost red. He then said "that's very emotional to hear". I felt very validated and so much less alone. It meant SO much to me. I will remember that moment for all of time and it is treasured in my heart. Keep in mind this is a man that never cried nor teared up even once in therapy sessions with me, for the span of 1.4 years!

Thank you so much Kati!! Your insight was so helpful!! It can really be a struggle to have a healthy relationship without forming unhealthy dynamics like codependency. But some things are special and worth working on!

Your videos are so helpful. You're really an amazing person, Kati!

Thank you so much for answering my question, Kati! That made a lot of sense.

When I was in therapy, I had very low self-esteem and struggled with interpersonal relationships. So my therapist suggested that I ask a close friend of mine to write a letter to me about everything she loved and cherished about me. She cried when she read her letter because she thought it was so sad that someone could love me so much while I hated myself.

Great video! I especially liked when you talked about how to know when to keep working on a relationship.

To overcome each battle for me was to get up and take a shower,shave, brush my teeth. and get dressed. It did help me at least feel like I was accomplishing something. And still work on getting other things done. Now even taken a small walk or just standing out side helps. And my music.

My therapist’s eyes began to water when I told her about my fear of telling my parents something. I said it was scarier to go home than anything because I was terrified they’d find out. I was terrified that they’d kick me out. The only people I needed support from, would hate me.

The faces you make... Lol. 😊 You're so expressive! I'm so glad I subscribed to your channel! The content is terrific! I share your videos with several of my friends. Thank you for being you! 😁😊☺️

This was very helpful. Great insight! Thank you:)

In private practice 10 years. Children dying and the people left after suicide are my soft spot or vulnerability of crying. Nothing overwhelming it feels more like a wave that rolls in and out. I'll check myself, process with a colleague and up self care to make sure I'm the pro they are counting on. I do not take child deaths at intake, I refer them out knowing myself, but over the years this happens with established clients so it is there. Thank you for your channel!!!!

I'm going to school for psychology and this is my biggest worry that my clients will have me crying during their sessions I am extremely empathetic and I usually cry when other people cry and I'm worried I won't be able to control this and that it will make me a bad therapist. I also become uncomfortable with certain topics, which is fine, except for the fact that I blush! :( Am I just not supposed to do therapy? Should I try to do something else? I definitely want to stick with psychology but maybe I can do something with it besides therapy..I know this is an old video I just found your channel I appreciate any response :)

I had a therapist cry once during a very crucial session where I brought in my mom to tell her about my self-harm. It was awful because she just sat and cried with my mom, and I sat there feeling out of place and anxious. It triggered my memories of all the times my mom cried and expected me to be stoic and comfort her which I'd been doing since I was 11. I was never allowed to cry or be emotional. To top it off, that therapist had the same name as my mom. What a horrible experience that was.

A few month ago, me and my therapist talked about “thirteen reasons why” she watched that video, how hannah is killing herself and how her mom finds her after dying, after she was cutting her artery.. i said to my therapist, that i wouldn’t care, if my mother would find me that way... She started to cry, guess because she saw it as a mother of two little Kids. That was the moment, when i felt, that my therapist is a human. Of course it made me sad, seeing her crying but on the other side, it did something to me..

Great questions today, they have really been helpful, thank you! My therapist cried in one of my sessions and sometimes she got tearful. I often wondered if this one the norm but never questioned her professionalism. I think she did an excellent job in supporting and grounding me and when she did get upset it I felt that it validated my experiences. I wouldn't have changed her for the world.

My therapist cried when she asked to see my prom picture, because of how happy I looked when I was really sad inside, I found it really awkward

One therapist cried and it made me incredibly uncomfortable. It made me feel like I had to take care of her. It was years and years ago and haven't had it happen since. That being said, I can see how it would create an empathetic response in a client. It would probably depend on the relationship of the therapist-client, and personalities.

I agree.. mostly. There are times when a client shares something so wonderful or so sad that it slips past my professionalism. In those few instances? It seems inauthentic to hide my response to what they have shared.

I made my therapist cry/feel like crying. She said, if I remember correctly, this was because I would not express the appropriate emotions when talking to her, so it kinda doubled up on her. In her defense, she said she was trained to deal with that, but I should remember that when speaking to someone who does not have that training :)

My therapist cried during a session and it made me feel like she actually cared and that I wasn't just a paycheck to her. It was a little awkward but also very nice. That's just me though.

I never really had therapy (only one miserable attempt) and it would be the worst if my therapist would start crying becaus of my story! I'd probably run! I've never had the chance to tell anyone my whole story (which is very much a burden to me) because I'm always the strong one in a relationship (even with my parents). The only reason I'd ever consider starting therapy is because I'm looking for someone stronger than me. (Excuse my english - it's not my native language)

I would hate it if my therapist cried. My first therapist didn't cry but I could see emotions in her eyes and I just felt like she was mock-pitying me and it made me uncomfortable. I don't know if it's because at the time I was very emotionally blind and just the concept of emotions in general made me uncomfortable. My second therapist was a lot more detached and no-nonsense and it worked a lot better for me! Made me feel secure while I approached the world of feelings little by little. It's interesting to read that other people actually feel comfort and understanding from an emotional therapist, where it's the complete opposite for me.

Wow I'm kinda late with this comment but I'm gonna write it anyway. I've been going to therapy for about 4-5 years now to the same therapist and she's great and very professional. But recently I told her one of the hardest things for me to deal with and for a few seconds she was speechless and then she just said "That's so sad." but in such a sympathic way, like for this one time she had no clue how to deal with the problem and was surprised herself how hard and awful it is. And tbh I loved it. It was really great to see that my problems aren't so easy and there's not any obvious solution, it was great to see her realize it's so extra hard to do some things being me. Obviously after a while she started digging into it and trying to find a solution, but it was really nice for me to see that even she can get overwhelmed with how big my problems are. It makes me realize that I'm not that weak, I'm just in a really shitty situation.

You are brilliant- i don't want anything to surprise my therapist. I want to be boring and normal to my therapist. And what you said is perfect. you hold the space. Xxx

Thank you for the answer on therapists crying. Your patients are very lucky. I recently talked casually to another therapist (not in session) about some things that came up talking about my counselor in years past and maybe even how they related to my relapse in PTSD. My counselor years ago cried when talking about some of my past experiences, partly by how bad they were, but partly she admitted because of how separated I was from them. I can talk about my past, but I grow emotionally distant during the process as I am also separating myself from the same events. She said she cried because of that too, that I could be so emotionally distant from my own past (related to abuse). It was somehow horrible to see someone talking about events as a child that were life-threatening or physically damaging without so much as wavering. The problem is that after that point, I shared less violent and less "messed up" stories because I didn't want her to cry again. Like you said in your video, your clients should feel safe baring anything. I no longer did, so I very carefully started guarding events and gauging possible reactions before I spoke of them (unless asked, I always answered directly when asked). I understand that therapists are still human and can't always help it.

I don't think you realize how hard it is to find a good therapist...if there were more like you it would be a happier place.😊🌸

Thank you for covering this topic. I actually left my last therapist because I felt like she was too emotionally involved and it was impeding my therapy. I struggle a lot with identifying my feelings and feeling like I'm a burden on others. It's a chronic issue that I'm working through, and would often manifest itself as me minimizing my feelings to accomodate others. She would often tear up and get close to crying when I was telling her about things and hardships to the point where I felt like I had to take care of her feelings. Which was a real problem, because I would often discuss having to do that very thing in my everyday life. So, for me, it was a big problem. And when I let her know I wanted to switch therapists, she got very angry. I don't blame her; she's a person and she tried to keep her emotions at bay, but it was just not at all the right fit for the help I needed.

good answer.. transference and countertransference..

My first psychologist talked with me every day for a year. I honestly had a crush on her and I am not sure what happened but she started crying when I had about a week left of my stay. Best therapist I ever had. She really cared.

Love the quote!

I think whats important in the situation and that you are in control. There are situations where I won't cry to as you say show I can absorb and contain whatever emotion is thrown at me, sometimes it's helpful to cry to show empathy and connection that i feel their pain and at times I can cry for a ct when they won't to reflect emotions that I can see are there because they are bleeding out in aggression or anger and despite them not crying seeing me cry for them can normalize or allow them. It really depends on the dynamic between therapist and ct.

I find it fascinating watching your expressiveness :-)

Weird. I've never had a therapist cry in session with me, so I don't know how I'd deal with that. I honestly didn't even know therapists did that.

relationship question was good!

I feel like that person is human for having expressed that emotion it shows that they are empathetic however one needs to find away to collect their feelings because you were right about the fact that the session is about the client and not one self. Meaning being strong for their sake and taking inventory of your feelings with the other staff.

#katiFAQ journal topic suggestion.: I found this quote of Gandhi. It says: "We may stumble and fall but shall rise again; it should be enough if we did not run away from the battle" I really like it because it showes that it's okay to not feel okay sometimes and that things will get better again. It's enough to just hang in there and keep strong. Because it's worth it.

Regarding the third question I always felt like it should be my own problem about my abuse and struggle. I once tried to let another person see how difficult it is for me but that person never really helped. I know not all people are like this but sometimes it's just really hard to let people see the broken piece of you

It seems like my therapist cries sometimes but she never admits it and it makes me feel bad because one of my issues was not having someone I can go to(mom or dad) when I had a problem or issue I needed to talk about.

my therapist once got a little teary-eyed during session. i had been struggling for a long time and then when life eventually took a turn for the better, i could see her getting teary eyed when i was talking about how hopeful i was

At my first check in with a therapist she teared up and in a way it felt nice to share that with someone. But at the same time it made me feel like 'yeah I'm so sick I even made a therapist cry' like my mental health was a competition. And idk if that's the best reaction to having a therapist cry during a session. But I can totally see how it could feel relieving and make you feel more connected to your therapist!

Thank you

Hi Kati, I want to say that i absolutely love your videos. Why? Because you let us see that it's oke to have problems. It's hard to think healthy when you think that it's abnormal and stupid that you have those problems. I copie your thoughts and said them to myself every single day. Keep training the healthy voice. Its works for sure!!!

There are times when someone will say to me, "One Day at A Time!" I feel very frustrated, because there Are many times That's More than I Can Truly Do. I don't want to lash out or turn my frustrations into Negative self-talk, So I have a New reply. I heard this saying from a recovering hoarder, who I can relate to. "Inch By Inch is A Cinch, Yard By Yard is Hard." I say this both out loud to myself, and/or in my head when things get tough. This reply has helped me to realize Moving forward doesn't have to be Fast or in Big Steps to make a difference in how I face adversity in my daily challenges.

My therapist cried during one of my sessions and it made me feel a little helpless & like I couldn't reveal everything. Although she was a lovely woman I couldn't help but feel that way. I hate upsetting people and was seeking acceptance like you said. I know It's my own issues that cause that irrational thinking but i couldn't help feeling that way from that moment on. Thanks for the video it brought some clarity x

I just wanted to comment on the question about "relationships". I have never had a good relationship and I've only started healing on my self on my own the last couple yrs. it's true to say I'd love a good nice relationship but it won't happen for a while and the sad thing is if I'd asked for help earlier and spoke up things would be possible earlier. Everything I've achieved I've achieved on my own! No posh therapist or diagnosis, but do you know what it is what it is! My time to shine will come. :D

My therapist has cried for me. I think she wanted me to feel like somebody did care. My problem is that I can't believe that. My abuse was pretty severe and at some point I learned to believe that any kind of emotion was bs. I eventually did believe that her care and concern was real and it was the first relationship I had with anyone, male or female, that I learned to trust. I think she was right to share her emotions with me even though I didn't believe it at the time. She was a smart lady with good intuition, I miss her terribly. Circumstances changed in my life and I ended up moving to Florida. We occasionally exchange emails still, it's been tough not having her around anymore. I've never had anyone impact my life more than her. It's a huge responsibility being a therapist! I need to be back in therapy and I know I'll have to settle because I'll never find another like her.

The more I watch your videos, the more I wish you were available as a therapist in Chicago. I have a terribly hard time trusting new therapists ever since I was highly overmedicated from age 13-20. I kicked all of the medications and I’m happier than ever.. but there are definitely times where I’m so down that I wish I had someone to talk to that’s unbiased. I haven’t seen a psychiatrist or therapist in almost 4 years. I’ve come such a long way from being a homeless high school drop out to having a great paying job, certification, and my own apartment. There’s just time when I feel so lonely or fearful of something and I have nobody to speak to about it.

#katiFAQ Hey Kati I am a mental health graduate student working on my internship. I’ve been observing some really great counselors and completed my first session that went really well. I follow your videos and am SO impressed with your work and knowledge base. Do you have any suggestions or guidance for new therapists? Do you remember what it was like when you first started, how you felt? This is my passion but I want to learn as much as possible and your videos help! Thank you! :)

This is so true 😘

I was in mental and emotional and verbal abusive relationship.and then in breaking up i had to take guardianship of my step children from that relationship.which they are still with me now.and my therapist could not help but tear up and roll down her face.because therapist are human .they have compassion and feelings

love your videos

my psychology teacher in college always said that it would be unprofessional to cry in front of somebody who came to see them so what she would do is make an excuse to leave for 5mins get a drink of water or something and comeback and be fine and then later talk about it like you do with another therapist or something like that she said what you want to do is have an invisible cup for them to talk into so all of their thoughts go into that and dont bother you but sometimes the invisible cup can overflow but never cry in front of the person you are trying to help thx for the ha bisky vid

The first time I explained my traumatic experience to my therapist, she told me she'd welled up. It didn't make me uncomfortable but actually made me feel validated. I think she told me that because she knew I needed to know it was 'serious' enough to feel something over, because I'd never cried over it myself.

Joy Crasta When my parents or friends or anyone put me down I raised 2 baby chicks 🐤. I spoke to them everyday. Cleaned their poop And told them all my confusing ordeals surprisingly they did understand and gave me a cluck cluck cluck lol.... that was super satisfying and today I feel renewed and I feel happier and have my emotions back in my stable sometimes all you need are animals.

#katiFAQ Hey Kati, thanks so much for your vidz, here is my question: Lately, when my therapy session ends, i get really panicky and triggered. It's such a blessing to have a good therapeutic relationship, especially that i have no support system aside from my therapist. The hour i spend in there may be tough, but at least i don't feel so alone. So when that moment and space where i feel understood and supported is going towards its end, i really don't want to leave, I panick and cry and often leave the office in a mess, being scared to use a bad coping mecanism afterwards, which i often do. My therapist knows, i think, but what can she do. So i don't know how to deal with that separation every time. I know it sounds needy, and it is, but it's getting worse at every session. I've been on a downward spiral since Spring, i have daily suicidal ideation (with few o.d.s on meds in the last 2 months), i cannot count on the few friends i thought i could include in my support system. I feel really lonely, really lost, and i don't trust myself. Is it normal i get so scared and triggered when Im about to leave my therapist at every ending of a session? And what can i do about it? Much thanks.

Hi Kati! I know you said that it's best to work on things concerning your past of abuse prior to starting a serious relationship with someone, but what if you have been trying hard to get past things for a really long time in therapy without too much progression- should everything else just stand still? I'm in college right now and I am so worried my young adult life is going to pass me by like my child/teenhood did. Also, could being in a relationship with someone actually be beneficial in healing from childhood sexual abuse? Great Video by the way! :)

For mine it can happen. She’s done it a couple of times, usually from something that’s has been accomplished without a breakdown or a crisis. So it’s usually out of being proud.

Katie, I have spent years trying to find a great therapist and I finally found myself in the office of someone I trust and genuinely like as a person. She makes me feel like I have a good friend who I can talk to about anything. It is wonderful, I met her almost two years ago and she's helping me overcome so much. I'm wondering do you feel like it's okay to have a friendship with your therapist? She always keeps it professional, I do have a personal cell phone number that I can text or call if I'm having an emergency or issue where I cannot calm myself or the tools I learned in DBT just won't work. I just want to know if having a friendship type feeling is wrong? My last therapist was the opposite. She was very cold and we had absolutely no emotional connection so this experience is much nicer. Thank you again for putting this content on KZfaq. Ashley

You're annoyingly amazing :D

I'm a Therapist and I cry all the time. You are in a high state of empathy so it's hard not to.

My therapist cried three times. Once when I was crying about a major trauma, and the last two times were when she told me she put in her 30 days notice and then at our last session. When she cried with me about my trauma, it made me feel so validated, because I struggle with crying in front of others. She knew how badly I was hurting to let myself cry in front of her. The last two times, I cried as well. If she cried when I didn’t cry, that would have been really off putting for me. But that we shared the same emotion was a very healing experience.

I think it depends on the client if thats ok for them.

2 weeks ago, my therapist cried when she was reading a journal I wrote about a pivotal trauma. I wrote this journal because I couldn't make myself tell her about it the previous week. Actually, it made me realize that maybe my reluctance to trust is an issue. Previously, I kinda thought that this pivotal trauma wasn't/shouldn't be a major issue because "nothing physical happened" and I figured that people lose trust as they grow up anyways. Her emotion made me reconsider that.

My therapist cried like 3 times in our 1 year relationship and she told right after it that the fact that she cried doesn’t mean that she can’t hold my story it was just sad for her to know what I’ve been through and when she cried I felt so valuable and like she really care about me and love me so it was good for me

I just started seeing someone for my past traumas. I'm at a place where I don't even have emotions and I think I'm genuinely afraid to have them. I've struggled to look at her the whole time because partly I'm ashamed and partly because she has emotions and I know if I look at her expressing heartbreak for my story when I haven't been able to... I'm worried I'll break and the dam will let loose and I'll become so overwhelmed that my bad coping mechanisms might be taken to far. However, on the other side, I think in time her expression of feelings about my story will help teach me to deal with and feel my emotions in a healthy way. Oddly, it also seemed to mean so much when I could hear the emotion in her voice as I shared part of my story. I think if I got up the nerve to look at her and she cried it would feel validating, that the stuff I've gone through really is hard and horrible and it's brave to survive it all. And to know that someone cared enough about me to cry about my pain, that I'm not worthless, useless, used up garbage...

can you talk about ADHD and coping skills

i think therapists should not cry - part of the reason i trust my therapist with all my "stuff" is that i know she can handle it, she will not break down (cry, freak out, etc).

I agree about what you say about NOT crying during the session. I once had a therapist cry during a session a LOT and it was extremely disturbing. It distracted from my own narrative. it distracted from my own feelings, that I could not have a therapist who was there for me. I would have been in a much better place, and really did need a therapist to be emotionally present for me and objective, but that was not happening. When I left feedback for her that her crying during the session did not work for me, she said, "I think you just werent' ready to hear that." IT seemed like she didn't really get what I was saying. I pretty much do NOT want a therapist bawling all over the place when something traumatic happens to me. It's not helpful. I was not crying at all at the time when she was crying.

I’ve had counsellors cry and it totally puts me off going again. How can I trust you not to be able to take the worst if you can’t take the sad bits

My partner's brother died early this year. Those two boys had quite a horrible childhood, but had come through that to achieve great things as young adults. And then one of them was killed quite suddenly at the age of 21. My partner's psychologist was pregnant at the time he was seeing her, so there were some hormones for her, and she started to tear up at his story. My partner found it almost comforting that she was so moved by his story. She did explain herself as being very hormonal, but she expressed that she was so sorry for the injustice of it all.

Hello Kati! I like your videos and I have been learning a lot, thank you!. I'm just wondering, are you not worried that your clients or future clients could also watch your videos in youtube and they might not feel confident to work with you because you are too public? I'm wondering about the ethics of the job. Did you ever have any issue regarding to this? I'm curios :) Thanks you!!!

My therapist cried when I told him how lonely my life had become and that I couldn't see any light in my life. Him crying felt like a confirmation that nothing could be done, that my life was so miserable that just talking about it made even a seasoned therapist cry. It was horrible, I sank even deeper into my despair, like there was no one who could help me to find my way out of the darkness. I quit seeing him, tried to handle it on my own. This was many years ago, I am still very lonely but I manage. I rarely speak about my loneliness nowadays, I am afraid of the reaction, I fear seeing my despair mirrored in the other person's eyes.

Thank you for this video, I understand your logic about the "Why I don't cry" part. However, I'd like to share my own story. I had a therapist, whom I thought was VERY good and strong. However, I once told her some crap that was so real and intense--and I knew it was, obviously--that she had to actually take the Kleenex box (which was closer to me) and dry some tears. I didn't think lesser of her at all. I didn't feel like the boundaries were screwed up and I had to skidaddle. Because I knew that was just ONE episode from me. Now, if she had broken waterworks for every single tale, yeah, I'd likely think, "Um..." But it was just that one thing that really hit hard. Yet, knowing she was there with me, and knowing she was a human just like me and all, we overcame that moment and she carried on like a trooper, back to usual. I'm grateful.

Counter transference is to be avoided? It’s a source of info! Not habitual but one that is induced

Carl Rodgers is a good example of emotional experiencing in a session. One of the 3 most influential psychotherapists of the 20th century. Who invented Humanistic Person Centred Counselling. So the answer is yes to a degree it would be like saying my client is happy and jokey so I cant share their happiness. But no client wants to see their Counsellor a blabbering mess it would come across as being unprofessional and not in control of themselves. But we need to distinguish between Psychology and Counselling as they are very different in this regard.

Im currently a clinical psychology student (3 years in) and i have been in therapy since 2015, up til now. Now, i wouldn't say that i dont want to see my psychologist or psychiatrist cry in front of me but, if it happens, I'd probably feel even more hopeless as it would make me feel, "Wow! Are my problems that deep that even my therapist is crying?" I'd feel like there's really nothing i can do about my miserable life if even my therapist is feeling so sorry about my situation that she even cried. the same applies with a few hugs i got from my therapist after a session (im not saying that i don't appreciate the hug...or sympathy), It just makes me feel like my therapist doesn't have hope in me either. So, i'd rather not get a hug or see my psych cry. All Im saying is that, it'll make me feel even more hopeless than i already am.