Back several years ago when I was eight, I lived in a house with a door to the backyard that had a window near the ground. It was in a long hallway, so one day I'm standing at the far end of that hallway looking at the back door, and I think that I could fit perfectly through it. Everyone else was in the back yard at the time so I figured I would dive through the window like in an action movie and everyone would be impressed. I got a running start and dove straight through the window. What I didn't know was that the window was open. Dove through an empty window onto concrete in front of my entire extended family. Later that year I was diagnosed with autism.

"I was a belt kid"

I'm so jealous of you guys having siblings and friends to play with. I grew up an only child, in a neighborhood with very few kids my age, and most of them didn't like me. Most of the dumb shit that I would do as a kid had to do with trying to stop other kids from getting us in trouble and damaging my toys, partly out of fear of the belt and partly due to character traits that started to surface and later developed into clinically diagnosed OCD as an adult. If we ever built anything, it had to be symmetrical, and I was always checking my watch for the time, whether it be because mom wanted me home by a certain time, or cause another kid told me they'd be there by 3:00 PM and it was 2:59 PM and there was no sign of them coming up the road. The dumbest thing we did though was sneak into the paint ball range during it's off hours and play tag. One time when me and another girl down the street was like 12, we had drawn a four square quart near where the road dead ended and the back of the paint ball range butted against it with sidewalk chalk. Our game kept getting interrupted cause we could see the teens in paint ball gear running around through a clearing in the trees and the sound of the guns going off kept startling us. Well, that's about the time when I got sick of it and started yelling at the paint ballers every time I saw one, and I'm pretty sure that I got one of them shot because of that, because at least one of them shot a couple balls at one of the houses fence posts near the road. We spent about 15 minutes yelling at them till some teen I'd never seen before in my life materialized out of the trees and got in an argument with me where I scolded him thoroughly about property damage and the safety of residents in the nearby homes. He called me Ma'am and I said, "Ma'am?! Ma'am?! I'm 12 fucking years old, why the fuck are you calling me Ma'am?! I made it a point to play tag in that place during the off hours more often after that and antagonize any paint ballers that we spotted through the trees. Surface it to say that the owners of the place lodged complaints with my parents and I was threatened with the belt if I bothered them even more. To this day I still think that my point about the safety of the residents at the end of the road and their property is legitimate.

I wasn't a "look-away" kid. I used to hold my breath and stare dead-eyed at the pokeball. I still occasionally do it.

Forget that awful "Boyhood" film. Being a boy growing up is about the crap you guys talked about in this video. Great podcast, seriously. Wasn't expecting a nostalgia trip, but got one hard. And, nostalgia goggles aside, hearing about psychopath friends, getting hurt recreating Stone Cold Steve Austin moves, and lighting stuff on fire was pretty great. Wouldn't have had it any other way.

When I was a wee bab (I think about 6?), I went on Splash Mountain with Mom. It was fun at first, the animatronics were pretty fucking lit, until the drop. I quote my six year old self: I HATE YOU MOMMMYYYY

"it makes you devalue your friends a lot because youre going to lose them in like 3 months anyways" hit too close to home

I just woke up from a dream in which Tad, Aleks and I broke into an FBI agent's house just for fun. We did the smart thing and broke in during broad daylight in the Arizona desert and we were not silent at all while we went in. I filmed the whole thing on an old tape camera as they successfully opened a high-security vault containing top secret documents that would get us all a life sentence for accessing. Only now did it occur to us that this might be a bad idea, so we left without locking the place up. As we were driving away I realized I left the tape of the whole incident back at the house, but we were all pretty confident that we would get away scott free.

When I was 7, I ran into a fireplace headfirst, all because my grandmother told me to run away from my sister. Cracked open my skull pretty bad. Also, when I was like 4 I managed to get stabbed at the top of my head, into my skull , by a low hanging screw that was in our still being constructed house, and all my parents did was use a diaper to stop the bleeding, and took me home. Maybe that's why my parents would tell me never to leave the house, or someone would abduct me, as a means to not let me outside and some how kill myself.

The kid who sat next to me in band class in high school tried to blow the school up with fertilizer bombs. Seemed like a nice kid. Damn shame.

when i was in third grade our teacher took us to the library. i decided that that day, i was one of the big kids and i was going to read one of the big kid books. I took a book on tuberculosis. i read that *one* of the symptoms of tuberculosis was coughing up like flem. i thought "hey i do that sometimes i must have tuberculosis" (to be fair i had really bad coughing problems back then, not exremely harmful but i coughed a lot) i swear to god i took my wolf notebook and wrote an entire report on tuberculosis and how i have it. my mom picks me up from like an after school care program we had, and i showed her it. first thing i said when she came: "mommy i have tuberculosis!" my mom said "no you dont, luci" also i am pretty sure im going to be one of those weird kids the people tell stories about. ive had people ask if i have a mental illness. please help

I love this. I love you. Papa Aleks, and Mama Tad, thank you for this.

Their life is like a sitcom

Literally the only channel I've "bell'd" on youtube. Keep up the shit (great) content.

Please do more of these kinds of episodes! This was amazing, gave me some serious SleepyCast style vibes, but I think I enjoyed this more somehow. Get Joey on for childhood/teenage stories too dudes. Wtf this channel is great.

This channel is the hidden gem of youtube... this podcast is great.

When I was ten me, my mom, and my little brother were at Lake Superior. I was in the water and I said, "Mom, toss me my boogieboard" (actually it was a skimboard which is sort of important because it was solid wood). She kind of slid it towards me, and a wave pushed my mouth forward into it just as the water pushed it towards me. Suffice it to say I lost a baby tooth and almost lost an adult tooth, had to have oral surgery, and later, a root canal.

this guy's laugh sounds demented

Well, for some reason I tried to pronounce "rocket launcher" when he said it was difficult for somebody of Asian descent to do it. He is absolutely right, even when my English is not the stereotypical broken/undecipherable one, the closest I can get to pronounce sounds like "rocket lawn-chair"

This is the episode that got me into the podcast, here after Aleks decided to focus on his art. Speaking of, is there anywhere we can find more of his work?

There were three things my brother and I were not allowed to have: sticky hand yo-yos, nerf guns, and socker boppers. I believe your stories were perfect examples as to why.

I jumped off the top of my staircase when I was like 3 while holding my Buzz Lightyear toy. Somehow didn't break anything.

You guys really talk about cutting a fishs head off like it's nothing, I would never do that

Alecks' hysterical laugh is one of my favorite things

I read that recent research on fish feeling pain is unclear, apparently the people who decided that fish don't feel pain were too simplistic going about it and don't have a proper way of proving it

39:30 Jesus, that would have actually traumatized me as a kid, I love frogs way too much

Man I used to listen to these in my grandma's basement while I would get high and play Pokemon games on an emulator. I'm listening to them now mostly for nostalgia and to pass time at work but I'm remembering where I was on my first listen and I've come a long way. Ive been working and not doing hard drugs, I've lost 100 pounds since then and I'm not in my grandma's basement anymore. I don't expect anyone to read this it's just for me.

I used to do the look away thing too lol, and for some reason if like the PS1 or whatever console wouldn't start the game, i'd take the the disc out and blow on it then put it back in as if that did anything

Okay, I've listened to this episode a couple of times when I used to mop at mcdonalds, but somehow I never remembered the last 20 minutes of the episode. Who boy!

When my dad was a teenager, he hauled ass and chucked a bowling ball out the window with his friends while driving. That was the 90's, and you can still see the dent he put in a metal building.

That "look away to catch Pokemon" thing sounds just like something I would make up to fuck with my friends during grade school, since I was like the walking Pokemon encyclopedia back then.

I do the eye closing thing when catching Pokémon too but it’s based on an even older ritual from when I was a child where I would close my eyes whenever there was a loading screen in a game so I could be surprised when I opened my eyes and it was loaded

I never learned how to ride a bike :/

I've done the close range or long range play fighting as a kid man those were the days

I WATCHED THIS TWICE AND DIDNT CATCH THE ARMS REFERENCE I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH

I remember I threw a toad in the air and intentionally killed it and then had a funeral for it and buried it in an empty lot in my subdivision... I was a fucked up kid I guess...

The WWF action figure story had my hand graphed to my face. The cringe is real. lol

When I was a kid, me and my friends loved to wrestle. One time I wanted to do a bodyslam on them so I can win so I kicked in the air so I can move forward abit. The problem was that one of my friend stood up in the exact moment I kicked and I kicked him square in the nose. started bleeding everywhere and since that day that guy and his family secretly hated me. My parents never knew until last month

When I was in 6th grade, I was in a special ed classroom and there was this kid who asked me if I could let him sniff my feet. I obviously told him no, but he would not leave me the fuck alone. I eventually gave up and let him smell my bare ass feet. I do not remember telling or even mentioning it to any of my teachers or friends in class. It was one of the weirdest interactions I've ever had with another living and breathing organism.

i actualy enjoy your content, you have a nice format for it, came from the chris chan video, you two are awesome, please keep up the good work

I traded a gameboy adv sp with sapphire for SSBB after his friend left it over at his house when they were like 7

speaking of parents killing thing via drowning had a baby bunny at one point at like 10 i think now my step father was a mechanic so he had this bowl of low grade acid for cleaning stuff of metal this bunny had a gimped leg cause we rescued from a coyote so my mom was just like hey lets use this acid to gid rid of this nasty rotting legit cant feel pain in it its so rotted my mom dips the leg it dissolving my mom coughs real hard she bring both her hands to her face and it takes about 5 second to realize were the bunny go was so upset at my mon she had to take out for ice cream she spent like 100 dollars one ice cream

Okay so, when rewatching this podcast I remembered about...'Ronan', normally I'd change the name to protect the innocent but just like Kenny from the dragon dildo podcast, Ronan was anything but fucking innocent. So, let's get the story that I'm still mad about to this day over, The Stylus Massacre. The year, 2006 or...2008 or some shit like that. Anyway, I'm in Year 5 and it was a special day of school, Golden Time (if that isn't a thing in America, basically, in alot of primary schools in the UK classes have jars that when students are good will have marbles or counters put in them and when the jar is full you basically get to do whatever you want for the entire day) and I brought my favourite thing my DS and my R4 card. Now, I was a pretty nice kid so I let people borrow it that day and they'd play it for maybe 10 minutes and then give it back but then, I gave it to Ronan and that little shit is playing on MY Mario Kart save for like 20 minutes! So eventually, I'm all like "Okay Ronan, can I have it back now?" His response, "No, I don't wanna!" And I'm thinking to myself that the only way I'm gonna get my shit back from this autistic mother fucker is through force. I lunge for my DS! Damnit, I missed! I go for it again! I grabbed something!...SNAP...I had grabbed the stylus and it had broken, one end in my palm, the other stuck in the stylus slot, jamming it. As I stare at Ronan with pure shock and anger this little has the audacity to look me dead in the eye and demand... "Say please." "P-please. (You worthless sack of shit)" He lets go with a cruel "You're welcome." Next story: The Maoam Theft. I'd been a good student today, as I always was (before modern me came along and started making 'offensive' jokes and 'hating' on other people's 'happiness') So, (I honestly don't remember his name so we'll call him Mr Meme) Mr Meme gave me and a few other kids a delicious Maoam Strips (AKA: the best fucking sweets ever), so I go outside to see my Mum as it's the end of the day and then Ronan comes along. "So Brad, can I have your Maoam?" "No, fuck off, I don't associate with hooligans." "Too fuckin' bad" He snatches it from my hand and I desperately attempt to get it back. He unpeels the wrapper and, you know that scene in Spongebob where it zooms in on Squidward slowly taking the tiniest bite from a Krabby Patty? That's what fucking Ronan did, just to spite me! Final Story: Various lies. Yeah, Ronan was that kid, one time he literally told me, "My dad works at Nintendo" only for about a weak later to say to me on the bus, as I played Pokémon Platinum on the DS that HE damaged, "Hey, did I tell you that my Dad works for the guys that make Pokémon?" (The fucking degenerate didn't even know their name!) "Oh, you mean Game Freak?" "Uhh...Yeah, that one." He had no idea who Game Freak were. The best of his lies was probably the famous "My Mummy is the Governor." I'm not shitting you, he actually said that. So, one day Ronan was probably doing some more shitty stuff when I'm al like, "Fuck you." And push him over. Ronan starts crying (and God, where those tastey, salty tears satisfying to see run down his face) he runs to tell a teacher and one of my friends who shall be called 'Tall-Man' goes to me, "Woah Brad, you're such a legend! You made Ronan cry!" Hell yeah, I was a legend! We go and check out Ronan who's crying like a little bitch and the teacher's all like, "Well Ronan," he was fucking infamous among teachers "did you ever think that you wouldn't get pushed over if you weren't such a little shit?" He burst out with this gem through his tears, "W-Well, my Mummy's the governor! And she's gonna get this school shut down! And he ran off crying. Tall-Man and I laughed hard about that. Also, If you read this far...ROMANCE IS NOTHING MORE THAN A PITIFUL, PATHETIC, FOOLISH, NAIVE, SOCIAL CONSTRUCT! RELATIONSHIPS ARE JUST AN IMPRISONMENT! BEING ALONE IS BEING HAPPY!

This kid who I live by got mad at me because I said "dungeons and dragons is better than fortnite" , I'm not a big fortnite person, this kid got so mad to the point that he threw his shoe at me. When I called him out on it he called me a whimp. I don't let him come over anymore

I need a link to the /v/ addams family story. I laughed so hard lemonade came out my nose.

So when I was like 13, we had an old house across the road from the house I lived in (we moved across the road when I was a some month old baby). So one day I had the genius idea to take this pump metal bb gun and shoot all of the windows on the backside of the house. Somehow my dad never figured out it was me and I got away with it Scott free.

>Be 10 Had to change the water in a hen's cage(she had chicks). It was winter, freezing, and I had gotten my feet wet, so I was already fucking pissed. Hen fucking pecked at me cause chicks would rush the door as soon as I opened it to get the water tray. The thing could last a day at most before it was absolutely covered in shit so I hated doing that too. End up using the hose to blast the chicks and hen away from the door so I could get to the tray. Chicks freezed to death. Absolutely no remorse till I was like 13 and got an actual moral compass. When my parents asked I played it off as "they freezed to death, what did you expect with that poorly covered cage?"

When I was like 5, my mom came to pick me up from pre-school or whatever, and we got into a car accident right nex to our house, my mom hit a truck and our car swerwed off the road and hit a tree I think, I had no seatbelt on, but miraculously I survived, this was right next to our house so when the ambulances came I just walked home.

Most comforting video I've seen in a while

I liked starfox assault too....

The random abundance of Jojo memes in this video gives me hope for Part 5

i have memories that are almost identical to that bb gun story

A wiffle ball bat is plastic and hollow. They're usually yellow or black.

When I was a kid, me and a friend were playing around on a treadmill. At one point during a game we were playing on the treadmill, I slipped and fell and got caught behind the activated treadmill. The treadmill was going at it maximum speed, and it was tearing my skin and burning it off. When my friend finally turned off the treadmill, I was taken to the hospital. The doctor said I had 3rd degree burns all over my body.

Also, my sister used to be best friends with a psycho bitch named Alex, who: -Bullied and belittled me -bullied and belittled Toby, her step brother even worse -Stole my DS -Stole my games -Forced all three of us (me, sis and Toby) to jump on a trampoline barefoot with those spikes nuts on them -laughed at other's pain -Mentally abused and bullied my sister -To the point where she made her repress her sexuality -and then moved into real bullying -and got even worse -Abd I don't think she ever mellowed. I stayed friends with Toby up until she left fir college purely because I felt bad fir him.

Brisco? MICHIGAN REPORT FROM HELL!?!?!

Fuck man I fell backwards through a window once as a toddler, landed in the broken glass, but didn't have a scratch on me, sat there with a poker face covered in slim shards in the back yard. Mum freaked. Shit was cash.

you guys are awesome.

I love your channel lol

I hope when you guys start making more money from this you can come back and hire an artist to do stills for this episode cause visual aids would fucking MAKE this amazing.

When I was like...8 years old I think? Me my older brother and a friend of ours were standing on the drive throwing water balloons at cars and shooting them with water pistols, after a while and a single cool looking black guy with a badass car and a cool pair of shades gave us a thumbs up a car passes with two old ladies in it, as my brother throws a water-balloon at it. Now i noticed the car window was open and tried to stop him, but I was too late. The water-balloon flew straight into the car and exploded as the car swerved towards another parked car as we immediately ran down the road and hid under a bridge for like 3 hours, obviously we eventually had to go home and when we got back to the house and tried to pretend nothing happened my mum pulled me and my brother in the house by our ears and the two old ladies were sat the table, we apologised as both my mother and two old ladies who are probably dead now yelled at us.

These guys are the best storytellers.

>be me >wrestling fan >taker mark >go around doing his mannerisms and even did some of his boomertaker mannerisms >have a friend who also liked wrestling >decide to run a federation for the neighborhood kids >use poorly made cardboard titles >thought it was really gay, so I went to Kmart for a toy world heavyweight championship >go back to my friend and show him my championship and tell him that I'm putting it up for a title match >now we didn't know wrestling was fake, so we just threw close fist punches and kicks >take a superkick from my friend who was doing a HBK gimmick >get kicked right my face because we didn't remove our shoes since we had our shitty costumes >did the Jason kip-up and proceeded to no sell his moves >autism.exe >I hit him with a chokeslam >the fucker then took the bump like shit so I'm just trying to get it over with >then signal for the finish >I do the taker throat slash taunt >I pick him up for the tombstone piledriver and dropped him on his head >he started to cry a bit, so I called him a pussy for crying in wrestling >do the taker pin and do the eyes rolled back with the tongue out >I'm walking out of our backyard wrestling ring and get hit with a rock bottom by my friend's older brother >I'm out cold and I realized that my "friend" was a mark for himself and go his brother to jump me after the match cause he was a bitch >wake up 3 minutes later and I lost my belt because some kid was walking around with a briefcase pretending to be Mr. Money in the Bank and everyone left after he cashed in >two weeks later I get booked in a extreme rules triple threat match for the title >hit them all with a plastic folding chair in the first 2 minutes and pin one of them for my title >flip everyone off and tell them the fed is finished tfw I realized that the real marks are in the ring

Oh, you're Canadian. This explains a lot.

I love you guys

11:39 that sounds so much like chuggaconroy screaming

Funny stories 😁👍

new episode bois

'Just like vriska' OwO

The worst thing to really happen between me and my brother, was on my retarded grandfather's farm. (He could burn fully boiling mac & cheese.) Where he shot the ground with a BB gun, and it hit me in the leg- I was sitting in a tree, he might've been climbed onto one of the large fence things, I can't remember.

one time i found a hole in the ground so i poked the inside of it with a stick, after a few moments i was delighted and surprised to see a frog hop out. i watched it jump away and was so excited i went to go tell my friends. i was convinced that there would be more little frogs in the hole so i told them to watch me poke it again. Well, instead, an ungodly large flock of the fattest most grisly looking cockroaches began to pour out of the hole. they got ALL over me and my friends. they thought it was a sick prank or something so i was left alone crying and covered with cockroaches.

pfft you used laundry baskets for going down the stairs... bro we brought out the winter sleds

Age 12: this was online but one of my ex friends volunteered for a pet store and had these two little dwarf hamsters - one of which they'd actually just picked up out of the cage, put in their pocket and came home with and their mother didn't give a shit? So they had these hamsters. But for whatever reason, they saw these gerbils and did the whole "oh my god I want one of these adorable little fuckers" thing. But of course they already had the hamsters and their mother said to them "no more pets unless one of them dies". So this friend gets on MSN, messages me and says "I need a way to kill this hamster, you got any ideas." Being a stupid fucking kid, I didn't really understand the whole "animal abuse" morality yet and ended up chucking a few ideas around. In the end, they ended up drowning this tiny pocket-stolen dwarf hamster in laundry detergent, washing the bile and body gunk off and then shoving it in the freezer before placing it back in the cage to look like a natural death. About two months later they felt so much regret they tried to OD on bleach to "suffer the same fate", ended up in hospital and puked everything back up on a can of lemonade. I'm not friends with them anymore.

I know it's spelled opossum but most people call it a possum, or at least we call em' that here in the south.

33:38 Oh wow ok.

Back when I was 15, I was taking home by myself over the course of several days for the first time in my life. During the second day, I was just watching some anime, minding my own buisness when all of a sudden, I get hungry so I get out of my room and get to the stairs when I spot, in the window by the stairs, a small bird in a pot. So I'm basically terrified that I might get attacked by a bird while I'm slowly reaching to open the window which I succeed in. After that sigh of relief, I wonder how it could have come into the house and then eventually I notice that: oh shit, dad had opened the window in the bathroom before leaving the day before.

Once, when I was like 7, my older sister was beating the fuck out of me with a plastic bat, and to defend myself I grabbed the nearest thing (which was a screwdriver) and stabbed it straight into her fourhead. She had to go to the hospital and get stitches.

yeaaaahh boiiiiii

I FUCKING love listening to these while drawing my furry trash

God damn Timmy

Once I met a psycho girl who was creepy as fuck, she spent all day watching creepy shit or watching Japonese guys like the ones in ffxv and fantasing with them, the best part is that she was like 4,2 ft tall and was cute as fuck so everyone wanted her as the perfect IRL waifu due to her "cuteness", the worst part is that she spied me a fucking lot, good think I stopped seeing her

Why would you drown it???? Drowning is painful as fuck?????

I'm a belt kid too... so I get it

Tad's the skinhead and Aleks is the guy with the glasses right?

Sorry for my icon bee movie memes are dead

The forced Canadian laughter is painful

Aleks cant laugh

why u changed the name?

mitchel did nothing wrong

Tad is it spelled murk or merk?