I am SO excited to announce that I've launched a 4+ hour relationship skills course: psychologywithdrana.learnworlds.com/course/the-connection-course For those of you who like videos such as this one and want more, definitely check it out :)

Just noticed the switch from “partner” to FIANCÉ!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! ❤️

"When you ask the universe to go to the next level, don't be surprised when every person preventing progress is removed from your life." 🙏🏼

The solutions I would propose: 1. Each person write out how they feel about the issue, so that there is no opportunity for either of them to get cut off or discouraged from speaking their truth. Come back at a later time and share their true feelings. Having a mediator present may help level the interaction. 2. Spend a healthy time apart from each other. Not in the form of a relationship break, but create and maintain individual lives, so that neither feel they are losing themselves, and also to create more fondness when together.

I just got out of a 6 year relationship. I felt like I was putting in a lot of effort to understand my partners personality and actions but they would not do the same. They would often criticize me or make me feel like my actions were never reasonable. I did have to end it, even though I love them and it broke my heart. /: thank you for this video, I hope to become a better friend for the people around me

My partner and I had a major conflict yesterday, and after we talked it out, my first reaction was to go to this channel. This video was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. His job is more demanding than mine, and I was lumping him/his personality in with the problem, as opposed to communicating and coordinating efforts to tackle it as a team. Thank you for sharing this. I can't wait to apply these techniques you mentioned.

This video is a lot of words to say, "recognize your partner will never change so leave them or learn to deal with it"

Please don't change your format or channel look! It feels very intimate and comforting.... Keep it up! Very practical information.

Love these types pf videos. My partner and I have a stronger relationship bc of these.

Can you talk more about one person being attracted to other people? And what is a 'healthy' amount to share when it comes to that stuff? I struggle with figuring out what I want to know and what I don't want to know. If they thought a romantic/sexual thought about someone, if they were attracted to someone they often see, if they think about them a lot... For now I decided I want to know if they did an action (made a decision) that could hurt me (tell me in advance if they want to text or meet up with someone they're attracted to and that has been a problem in our relationship), but I don't want to know if it was something they couldn't control (a thought) and didn't react because they are committed to me. But it still feels off that they could be thinking about someone else a lot, maybe even contemplating leaving me for them, and me not knowing about it.

This idea is so sweet and I have experienced the opposite both in myself and others. I now have a healthy partner who ENCOURAGES me to have personal boundaries (whilst keeping her own) and views issues in my life as separate to me. She doesn't think that I don't feel like seeing her if I reschedule a meeting, for example. And I do explain myself to reassure her, but she doesn't demand explanation and I don't feel the need to give one every time. I have a healthier independence.

This is something I really wanted to hear. I'm not in a relationship and might not be in one for awhile. I would think back on my past and my ex's on things I wanted to improve. I wasn't a team player and had many problems. I understand that now. I thought about the person I am and was. Let me say that a person can really do everything wrong because they don't know anything apparently. But with all that unnecessary experience ig you could say it did help me look at the bigger picture. To understand how I affect others and how they affect me. Even though I should've known better. Now I know and won't make the same mistakes. Hopefully not ever. Though being human I do have my own problems I can't escape completely. I guess I'll handle that till I can't. Thinking back more than ever that time I spent on the dumbest things imaginable were spent wasted on me making every problem my entire world. Finding myself in the dumbest places mentally. No need to understand for the most part on why. just that that's not the person I want to be and not the way I wanted to handle things in my past. Even in the end of things I would want to do my best with whoever is in my life. That's the only way you're going to make anything out of it. Make your dream come true of having a nice healthy relationship people. Or make a situation better and not worse. Make a decision or something on what you're doing and what that means. Who that makes you. I hope you can all find something to help you along your way as I have. Sometimes you just don't know until it's time to move forward

dude make an audio version please, its so much easier to listen while going on a walk or something you give good advice..

Sure, but when you say to your partner "what can we do to fix this?" and they refuse to even take the time to talk to you about it, I think that's the end of the relationship, right?

The negotiation book, "Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In" states a similar view to the last point you make where the author talks about disentangling the people from the problem. It is very rare that people are the problem in relationship and being able to recognize that can go a long way to solving problems.

Hard truths that can be hard to hear! But this is what everyone has to face if you want to go the distance in a long-term relationship.

I think this often happens to me when my partner has a bad habit: I mostly try to excuse them and think that they're gonna lose the habit somewhere along the way, spoiler alert, it doesn't happen... This really helps put things in perspective...

I really like this video. But I guess I dont understand why you can't change something like patience? I feel like that is a learned virtue. In my mind you shouldn't just let yourself be impatient when you can work to learn patience.

Love the channel Ana. Thanks for recording a video after dark for us! 💓

nicely put; all comes down to acceptance of reality

Thank you for going over a light-hearted isosceles triangle approach would look like in practice. I would love to see how to respond to a bit of resistance since I am exposed to this paradigm of conflict resolution, but my partner might not be. Specifically, if they still think you aren’t seeing it from an isosceles team effort, but rather blaming them, how to have a conversation about that trust-building.

Oh how convenient, just after a messy breakup because of said issue :,)

Years since my last relationship and not looking but I really appreciate these videos for non-romantic relationships. Work, family, friends etc. (obviously modifying the advice as necessary)

Definitely not helping my situation but ive come to these same solutions for all other problems, love to see that for others being spread!

can you make a video on why people distance themselves from others, or do you have any videos that cover similar topics?

honestly your the most beautiful inside and out! U honestly give me so much hope that there is someone out there for me

Im glad that you gave examples of problems that can be tolerated.

Ana you have single-handedly saved two of my relationships from two separate video on your channel. thank you 🙏🏻

my best friend and I have loved each other for years, he doesn't want a relationship right now but i do, we hangout and things are normal but we always get depressed around each other cause he's going to be moving to another state soon basically ruining our chances of ever getting closer but he still wants to talk and says he still loves me. its been a problem I cant get over for years and it just doesn't feel very good. I appreciate this video a lot, im sure it wont solve anything but it made me feel a little better

Great timing on this vid for me. I feel like this is one of those things we all know but we deny it and avoid dealing with it. It's hard to deal with the guilt for not accepting a problem from someone you love. Hard to say no when you want to say yes.

ok, I realize I'm diminishing some people's issues, but I can't imagine a world where my biggest problem is "my partner and I want to eat different things on Friday." tbh that sounds like a nice place to be in.

I don't understand... So, what happens after that? Both of you get to a level of understanding and empathy but the problem is still there, addressed but not fixed. So, how is the relationship going to work? Say, her example is she doesn't want to live somewhere hot but he has to move there for his career or something. After they've talked about it, then what? I'm missing the whole point even though I watched the whole video...😭

Sometimes problems are not about actual external issues as much as they are about the boundaries people have erected. Rigid boundary dispositions see problems where they feel their autonomy is threatened.

OMG, Ana! I haven't seen your videos in a while and I can see how much better quality the are as opposed to say a year ago. I'm so proud! (not that video quality is so important, more that I can see progress)

Hey can you please do a video about how to have a healthy relationship if you have bpd/your partner has bpd?

Ana, you are so wise, and I appreciate your videos so much! Keep doing what you're doing.

Not me seeing this the day after getting dumped 😂😂😂

Congrats on the engagement

im going to watch all ur relationship videos before getting into one

Thanks for all the work you do Ana, I recently discovered your channel and can say your videos are supremely helpful.

Can you make more videos on repeating the same fight please please. This is very helpful. I feel it can be a series.

do you have any gottman books/articles you recommend?

thats when you know its time to change partners

Do you think you could make a video about perfectionism and strategies to help be more accepting of flaws? Maybe about therapy that can specifically address this quality and it’s negative impacts on work and school functioning?

I recently found your channel and just wanted to thank you for making these videos- I’ve learned so much from them!

Can you make a video on when you know you should end a relationship based off of what you talked about in this video? Or does the person who came up with this have info?

My perpetually single ass watching this: 👁️👄👁️

i was in an abusive relationship and they would always take these videos and use them against me

Love your channel and congrats on your engagement!

You have a beautiful face doc, That is the first i noticed when youtube recommend your videos to me.

The obstacle becomes the way

Ana can you please make a video about cases where severe inferiority and superiority complex are intermingled, but especially the inferiority part that also causes social anxiety, makes the person freeze in social settings or think whatever they'll say is unworthy of attention etc.

Thank you so much for making these videos, they are really helpful :)

Hi Ana, what are your thoughts on free will? Have you ever thought of making a video on the subject? Cheers!

Good advice!

I am glad you are drawing on Gottman's work.

Great ideas here

than you greatly Anaaaa

One person earns all the money and pays all the bills.. an does the majority of grocery shopping and cooking..... the other has hobbies they love and are able to make a little money here and there to cover their own personal expenses. Helps out a little with chores Big problem or little problem ?

I think you know your relationship will not last.

Thank you 🙏 ❤ needed this

Congratulations congratulations!!

I just noticed my "only"solution is be you, my half soul.

Same issues with family/friends version?

randomly paused at 6:16 and was not disappointed

Thank you for your content ✨️ 😌

Your channel is so dope

WHERE DOES OR WHAT TO DO WITH THE COFFEE/TEA SPOON!!! Biggest argument that I’m sure most couples have had! How did you resolve it?

I hate to say this but I think atleast one of the solutions is to just cope with them and work on yourself to improve the problem and the other is to get a new relationship maybe? (Idk ik it seems a bit harsh😬😅)

Hi could you make a video about Leonardo DiCaprios problematic patter of dating younger girls?:) would be interesting to hear your opinion

What if my reoccurring problem is my girlfriend not speaking to me when she's angry, and I suffer because I don't understand what's going on? Are we doomed as a couple?

Hi ana, i wanted to ask if you could talk about how to cope when your friend goes back to a toxic ex over and over again. i know it sounds a bit self centered but it's so exhausting investing emotionally into your friend, and her going back even after things happened to her that are considered emotionally abusive. this has been happening for months on end and i feel drained, unable to feel like a 'friend' even though i want to. i've been searching for it but have found only parodies and memes. please help😖

when it comes to actually starting doing things on practical level in real life the big information or detail amount is yours worst enemy,cuzz it causes something i call ``overload``...you want to keep things as short and basic as possible if you want take real life actions and the chain reaction that gradually escalates to big changes will naturally fallows if you remain consistant... so to the video question :what is most effective thing couples can do to gradually reduce issues in their relationships? have smex on regular basis and let chain reaction naturaly fix or at least reduce wast majority of problems couples face...yes it is that simple...show me a couple that bearly ever touches each other and ill show you two people who are extremly passive agressive and bitter towards each other lmao...big problems gets solved with simple solutions simply cuzz you actually can make yourself to do simple things...we humans are much more simple then we would like to admit it,is what i am saying lol.

nice.

I have found, in my personal experience, the more you voice problems in a relationship the more things turn into walnut tree trees.

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Off topic... Your desk set-up is so no feng shui 😅

i wanna donate, do you have a patreon?

🤗

you are so cute

🧐

🐱👍

Do u have an instagram account?

How accurate is this or is it largely outdated (link below)

What’s your Instagram, curious about you life with psychological mindset lol

whats your instagram? I need to see ur stuff there

:)

Just. Walk. Away.

in professional settings too 🫣🤦🏽‍♀️

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