That’s why you should ‘grow’ in love rather than ‘fall’ in love

If you love someone, act like it. Best relationship advice out there.

"Hurting them should be hurting you" that is golden advice!

“Boundaries simply teach the person how to love you…learn to effectively communicate them…”

They nailed it. Anyone that comes on too strong; all enthusiastic, talkative, wide-eyed, passionate, etc. Those are the main ones you should tread lightly with. As fast and hard as they will come onto to you, they will be just as fast to hop right off and move onto the next. I've seen so many people go through it. This is why I have to first know that the other person is comfortable during "boring" moments -- whether a romantic partner or simply friends (male or female ) -- There's no such thing as longevity and genuine connection with dopamine junkies.

Yes, I agree with her 💯! If you hurt someone in the relationship, it should be hurting you. Golden advice!

"Hurting them should be hurting you." 💯

I love the single life as relationships usually develop into superficial episodes for insecure people who can't bare to be on their own. Quiet, solitude to an extent and freedom to do what I want, when I want and if I want is very liberating. Selfish.... not sure but it's a nice way to be.

"We are attracted to a person who has a trauma similar to ours," said a trauma-trained psychotherapist. "The false feeling of connection, love and intimacy ... the chemistry is explosive" - Lewis is talking about a trauma-bonded relationship.

Everything comes back to an even exchange of respect. The respect I have for myself and the respect I give my partner. A great test I always use is if the relationship is easy to the point that I keep asking myself “where are the problems?” then odds are she is worth investing in.

It’s also important to not swing to the other extreme of dating “boring” people. I see the narrative is shifting to this now and it’s equally undesirable. Those with trauma doubt themselves and need to cultivate a relationship with self first. Thing is, some people ARE boring, because they are blocked and not in touch with their own vitality. It takes time to know the difference.

I’m not disagreeing with anything she’s saying; she’s a relationship expert, I’m not. But it’s not surprising so many people are opting to just remain single. Dating and relationships are exhausting these days, there’s so many rules and it’s overly complicated. It just doesn’t feel worth it anymore.

Funny how Sadia always lands up interviewing the interviewer without them realizing it

I think a huge factor here is how your partner expresses themselves to you. If they speak like she does in this interview, eg. "oh babe I haven't heard from you" then it's far easier to respond positively. If, on the other hand, they say "where have you been?! Why haven't you called me?!" it's far more likely they will get a bad response. The tone and choice of words makes a huge huge difference.

I like that saying Grow in Love rather than Fall in Love at least it planned if you grow. Here's one never get involved with anyone who can't communicate effectively especially those who are unwilling or uncappable of communicating with you as far as the difficult conversations. Someone who is there for you through thick and thin no matter what the tough times & the easy times

Very true, every man that I dated that had a bad childhood treated me like trash.

You're definitely speaking a lot of truths to note down in case I get to be in a relationship again. Relationships if done right are the best thing ever. I'm glad you do this type of work because it will build healthier societies consistent of healthy relationships. Look forward to more content like this and thank you very much

This is such an important point! People with childhood trauma are more likely to get into sex work. They didn’t learn healthy boundaries between themselves and others and lack a sense of worthiness, so it’s easier for them to turn to selling their bodies, doing drugs, etc.

As a woman I enjoy this lady's knowledge. I think the relationship is not about looks always, because after time the person who feels infatuation realizes that he/she needs something more than charisma, looks and lifestyle (lifestyle of sports hobbies, habits )......the reason is that his/her soul is craving also the connection of spiritual value,....The physical attraction and charisma may last a few months but the spiritual connection may last many years. For example, there is something very spiritual about laughter, smile, joy, and kindness. These values are not based on physical looks or materialism. You may meet hundreds of good-looking people with interesting lifestyles and charisma. But you realize there is something missing. That it's not about having more things, but about the consistency of lifestyle and having a true spiritual connection. Your soul will feel most happy if you meet also a spiritual connection, someone who makes you laugh every day or enjoys spending time in nature, or going camping, going to concerts or meeting communities of nice people etc.

This resonated with me more than I can express. I had a tough childhood. All my life I've been attracted to these women that strike a spark for me. I've only recently come to understand that that spark is a real red flag.

“If the person you meet is boring, that’s a good thing. If it feels magical and explosive, it’s often a bad sign. Or you should ask why that explosive chemistry is occurring” what a deep thought

1. Be aware of their childhood 2. Communicate Boundaries or Self sabotage 3. Competition or cooperation

You illuminate the darkness with the knowledge you so freely share with the world. Thank you Sadia, it’s really helping😘💜🥹🙏🏻🌏✌🏻🖤

Nothing in life is perfect but, you know when your suppose to be with someone. I'm sure alot of ppl have childhood wounds. I think you have to look and see how serious it is and if you can deal with it. Communication is the key and level of maturity. Red flags are important to look at. When someone keeps sabotage the relationship time to leave.

Exactly so true about the traumatic childhood. Stop being ok to be the punching bag and be the Savior. And you can never save ppl who doesn’t want to save themselves.

i tried for 24 years but when i felt more alone with her than without her I knew it was time for me to move on.

Not necessarily … I tried to play it safe and going with the steadfast, boring guy … marrying for friendship, compatibility/similar intelligence and interests, and he ended up having a whole secret life of addiction. So I gave up chemistry for stability and he ended up not being stable - farthest thing from it. Life is crazy and people change and shift, especially when you are meeting and dating people when you are young. There are years of development and life circumstances that go into forming a person’s daily decisions to make healthy choices and be grounded in reality. All of the “red flags” at the start of my relationship were no different than other friends’ boyfriends - now spouses- bc it was college! There is no sure way to determine who will turn out what way… so yes, don’t run to passion and chaos-but don’t settle for boring either bc you might just get screwed by that, too.

You defined boundaries so well!

She’s right. In my own relationship I had anger rage and ptsd from my militant childhood (I’m using my therapist’s language when describing my childhood) and my partner did NOT deserve any of my rage/anger. I reached a breaking point during Covid lockdowns (2020-2021) had to seek help from a therapist and thank goodness she was a good one and 1-2 years later I’m not seeing her anymore and I’m working on controlling my emotions. My relationship with my partner is stronger than ever because he also recognizes my efforts to get better and become a better human to myself and everyone around me. Anyways you can’t rely on your partner to “fix you” , it’s YOUR responsibility 💕💕

I so appreciate your manner in delivering difficult wisdom, Sadia. 🙏

I have determined it's not exactly always like this, but she is accurate about the typical or average person. Their childhood is the biggest default rudder in their lives' closest relationships. The only way away from that is confronting it. There are various ways of doing that. Some work better than others. Half of the success is identifying what works best for oneself. Ignoring it never seems to work well. FYI. 😅

I just recently discovered this Sadia channel. I must say it is very educational and provides much needed enlightenment! ...Thx so much, grateful! much appreciated! ;)

This was exactly what I needed to hear, not necessarily what I wanted to hear.

I’m so glad i found this woman she is so amazing and awesome because of her I understand myself and the things I need to work on with in my own life I am so grateful for her experience and content

00:46 I was the opposite. I had so much trauma and a poor example of love. I fantasized the relationship and love would save me and make me whole. The cycle of people pleasing and endless pursuit of love began very early. Not all are afraid of love with trauma.

Hey Sads, love your content. Look at your attachment style, then you can fix your trauma even from childhood. Therapy and the willingness to change. ❤

Thank you so much for the priceless advises you are giving ❤. I have been searching for real objective views on modern relationships and could not find any of the answers. You are opening my eyes ❤. Thank you

After listening to her advice and red flags, unfortunately, I think my wife and I suffer from all three issues. I’m so disappointed with the way our marriage makes feel now. I’m receiving therapy and so is she but we are separated and feel a sense of doom. I hope I can move forward as this is really difficult. I cannot believe that after all these years worth of efforts, we find ourselves fighting all the time and resenting each other. Marriage has been the most difficult proposition I have ever faced.

"if you haven't acknowledged the impact" the the key....... if you haven't been truthful about it. No matter how bad, if you work with it, be truthful about it, you will be fine

A large amount of the dating population is undateable.

We all have childhood trauma and issues. We just need to pick which ones we can deal with in a partner. I'm single so I have found the ones I can deal with. :)

This is definitely not a Psychologist I would ever go to see. I watched a lot of her videos, and I think she has a lot of biased based on her own childhood experience. It’s extremely hard to treat patients when you yourself can’t separate that from your practice. A second point I would like to make in is in every relationship with a person is a chance for a learning experience. Relationships are learning experiences for us as humans. Even having children is a learning experience, a teacher said person to grow up and it also teaches them about themselves. So, even though someone had a bad childhood, it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be out dating. It’s a good way to learn about yourself through another person, as long as that person isn’t a narcissist. Also, I’ve seen others that have had very good childhood and they are as messed up as someone that didn’t have a bad childhood. Sometimes it’s not just about the nurture, but also the nature. I’m going to also point out the fact that she is not a trauma therapist. She is a relationship expert with a masters in psychology. How can you give advice to people in relationships if you haven’t had experience with learning about how to do trauma therapy considering a lot of issues in relationships come from, as you stated, childhood trauma. It’s almost nearly impossible. you might, as will just be a sociologist. Now I understand why people listen to her because some of her stuff does make sense. However, I have noticed a lot of it is people pleasing advice. She’s a gorgeous woman who would not listen to her, that’s not a sarcastic dig at her. It’s an actual compliment. I know how to chew up the meat and spit out the bones, so that is why I listen to her because there are some things that doesn’t make sense that comes out of her mouth. I saw her interview with Andrew Tate. That was a great interview. She was very attracted to him. In fact, that’s what made me start watching her videos to begin with. Andrew Tate is a narcissist , if she’s giving relationship advice to women, on how to deal with a man, and that man is a narcissist the advice that she is giving is going to make the situation worse.

My childhood was terrible , grew up around cheating and abuse. I've never been able to have a relationship with a man.

I agree with her , my father was in the Army and all he thought of me as an orderly to follow his orders of which he was very demanding, never go tired, controlling, rigid man . he hated Army to the core. So no point in discussing with him anything and I stopped talking to him as an 8yr old. It has no effect on him -. that was his love for me

Sadia has such a clear and affirmative communication style. It’s both disarming and informative at the same time! What a great skill!

So true !!!!! I should have watched Sadia’s video Before wasting 2 years of my Life with a borderline woman (unfortunately she had a chaotic childhood!!)

Spot on as always sister!

She’s a very strong communicator. Lovely to listen to. I’m learning lots. Thank you.

Childhood trauma is a leading cause of adults feeling unloveable. Childhood abuse in particular leaves children with a damaged view of themselves.

1. If they haven't acknowledged childhood trauma, you'll be the punching bag due to our embedded core self-belief. 2. Boundaries or self-sabotage? 3. Cooperation or competition?

So don’t marry anyone got it

I love that sometimes she reveals her own red ♥️ flags ❤ high value women. Once you understand human behaviour more deeply.

Now that I know better, I have come to the conclusion that relationships are exhausting and stressful. To be drained emotionally and spiritually is not what I want for my life. It takes a tow on your soul.

I have noticed that adults who come from broken homes have a bad attitude towards marriage. For me, with women who came from broken homes, it never worked out.

Brilliant.. relationship help done right .. so clear and good.. I mean we all just wanna get on and be good in love and everything

Such a wise and well spoken woman!

1. Beware of childhood trauma 2. Do they communicate boundaries 3. Competition or cooperation

A narcissist will say “My childhood and family upbringing were PERFECT” or the other extreme “My childhood was the WORST ever.” Stay away from them.

"Man is free, yet everywhere he's in chains." (Rousseau) It is SO SO true!! All of these "rules", "lists", "how-to's"---these things do nothing but stifle creative possibilities!! Life is a GIFT--be FREE!! Get rid of the "mind-forged manacles." (Blake)

Very good points. Thanks, Dr Sadia.

Focus on the relationship with yourself first. We’ve all had ‘traumas’ big or small. Lots of us have Mum or Dad issues too. Jung has some great ideas about the Anima and Animus which I, and clients, have found particularly helpful. We can’t go looking for Mr or Miss Right when we’re not ‘right’ ourselves

Thank you, Sadia I've had a change of perspective.

Because she is beautiful, I keep staring and b4 I know it, the video ends. I usually skip in videos coz I'm impatient but I always finish her videos😂❤❤❤ How eloquent! I hope you are happy. People who tend to help people usually have no one to help them in return. This mom is always cheering u on luv❤❤.

Thank you for sharing this, great insight.

Beautiful sadia,tnx for ur insight

Right on Sadia. Great.

Thank you for this.

3 Red Flags 1) (Unsolved) childhood trauma 2) Not setting clear boundaries or voicing them 3) Competition over cooperation

I love how you educate people about life

When you meet someone new beware the early on stage will be filled with dreamy bubble of love and romance for the most part. You can choose to go with flow but prepare to slow it down to some serious questions, you may even trigger situations to get the authenticity of the individual. But hold on peeps, you can only go d’y his path if you had worked on yourself, if you are lucky to meet one who had worked on his ego, self worth and trauma, you are going to feel the “heathy” in the connection.

Great summarize video with a good title. Thanks so much 🙏🌺🙏🌺

Each and Everyone must hv the ability to recognize them selves first. Be in tuned, aware of your own words, expressions and own behavior. Very alert with your own personality and the outcome it may display. Be better earlier.before engaging with others. It's the inner vibration and beliefs which sets your profile. Think tuning a musical instrument before you want to play music w someone.

Nailed it 👉🏽 Prioritizing eachothers well-being.

This lady knows her stuff. Even though she's easy on the eyes, i could listen to her all day.

Thanks Mom & Dad!

“Don’t stick your hand in boiling water”. Between me and my wife, if one of us was really hot, in an argument. That we could say, I’m not talking about this right now, let’s revisit at a later time when things calm down. We both respected this rule and it served us very well.

My SP is one with trauma from childhood. Because he did not have his father and his mother was overly narcissistic and not loving enough. Whereas he saw me as being narcissistic. When I'm so not because I craved attention from him. And he wasn't willing to give me all the attention. Because he taught me that the only attention I need is within myself. Having another person in a relationship, mirror things within yourself is one of the most beautiful, challenging things you can possibly go through. It's all a part of growing as an individual and remember. Whenever you're in separation from someone, you are healing. Healing alone is a beautiful aspect of being a soul experiencing this human form.❤😊 God bless everyone in good luck on your journey.💓💗🌌🙏

She’s absolutely lovely and very tolerant of him constantly speaking over her ❤ todays society normalizes this rude American behavior. I almost got halfway through this important topic but I don’t want to listen to her battle to speak on her podcast. Good luck 😊💪🏼🕊️

Your a beauty…..I’m glad I don’t dismiss you. Because your intelligent and down to earth. Rare

Boundaries vs. Self sabotage portion seems worth further thought and dialogue.

My childhood abuse has really impacted my ability to have stable loving remationships. It’s always there.

I agree my ex lost his Dad young and the love in his house changed as everyone got lost in their own grief and he had to grow up fast, he has never fully committed to any relationship other than the one he has with the bottle/can 🍺🥃

In underdeveloped countries where 80 to 90% people have traumetic childhood. So I think its best for both partners to talk about it without judgements and find solutions by involving a therapist as well. To not marry is not a solution may be. Love means to heal and grow togather.

What a simplistic conversation.

Amazing video, thank you. You seem like a very nice woman and especially young women need role models like you. I certainly wished I heard that advice when I was younger.

Like you always say you don't mince your words. It hurts but it works. My friend's dad once said, " A friend tells you what you want to hear, a true friend tells you what you don't want to hear". You are our true friend, thank you.

I like the way she expresses her answer.....n it makes a lot of sense.....

Her work is amazzzzzzingggggggg

Everything said is spot on

Everything this woman said is true.

My ex husband (the covert narcissist) was the person to make sure he hurt me in every way possible. I’d ask him to please stop doing XYZ, he would literally run.. to do it MORE. If I asked him to answer a question directly, he’d play stupid and not know what I was asking, just to get an emotional response. If I asked him to talk about done egregious thing he did to me? Not a chance. He’d play the victim and try to rationalize what he did and truly try in 75 ways to get me to be in agreeance that I deserved the abuse/ cheating/ neglect because of something I did to him in the past……….😂 it was WILD the level of delusion. I always held my ground, I couldn’t understand why he was truly so stupid! I thought he was actually STUPID, like literal low IQ… for thinking like that! 😳 and out of touch with other peoples feelings completely and such a toddler all the time! I couldn’t wrap my brain around the purpose of creating so much friction, drama, chaos and dysfunction in a potentially perfectly healthy situation! I spent years trying to ‘help’ him cause there’s no way a person can go on being that uneducated/stupid… he needed help. Then I learned about NPD. Later, he was diagnosed with both NPD/ bipolar 1, after threatening to unalive himself 3 days before I moved out after catching him cheating/ having an affair… and many other horrific betrayals (the phone of a narc is horrifying, and hiding a lot of dirt! He was living a double life!!!) To this day he is unhinged and vengeful/ vindictive and I can’t believe the monster he’s turned into holy! The only one who really had a hope to change was ME! But I urge people not to judge those who get sucked into a relationship with a manipulative abuser. The victim didn’t ask for it, nor are they allowing it! They are usually fighting against it the whole time… but the abuser has managed to trap them either #1 financially…. Or physically, or by exploiting the victims empathy/ guilt constantly. Once a victim realizes what they’re dealing with, they usually start the process of trying to escape…. The victim is the only one with a hope of change, and sadly, until meeting that ‘familiar feeling’ monster (who was just mom or dads NPD/ abuse but in a new person) they won’t understand WHY they got caught up in it. Here’s how to tell who’s the victim and who’s the abuser: 1. The victim operates from empathy, feels guilt easily, and gives chance after chance 2. The abuser only works on manipulation of other to get the VICTIM (or any person outside themselves) to feel guilt/ empathy/ give THEM more chances. They apologize and do not correct their behaviour, and the cycle continues forever if you let it. They don’t consider the feelings/ needs of others and demand that others comply with their feelings being the priority. They are those with a perpetual victim complex… so they’re always the innocent victim in their stories, and in daily life, despite the trail of carnage and failed relationships in their wake. They lack self awareness and externalize blame for all their moral failures, and failures in general… it’s always some act of god that caused them to have no other choice but to cheat/ lie/ steal/ betray/ con/ etc… and they need your sympathy, help and understanding to ‘do better next time’… and they will never do better next time. It’s a sick sick mind and whether it’s conscious or not, they want all your mental real estate dedicated to them only. Whether positive or negative, and whether with them or not. Their greatest fears are: being abandoned by you, becoming irrelevant to you, not being able to emotionally trigger you (if you’re screaming mad, you ‘love’ them still…), losing your attention, seeing you being treated well by someone better than them in the ways they’re insecure (or worse, another man having sex with you), being alone, being publicly exposed for the abuser they really are. (This will make them violent and out for blood so be careful exposing one of these creatures).

Love Sadia!!!

Amazing Sadia behan 🌹

They treat you like you’re temporary because you are .

I would love to be able to afford to get 1 on 1 sessions with you. I’ve been looking for a therapist and tried a few but never felt like I got the help I really truly needed. It’s hard for people from little to no money and state insurance to actually find a good psychiatrist or therapist. I guess only the rich deserve to actually get the help they need.

Such a articulate smart lady !

Good one on good boundary-setting

That's exaclty what i've been throught my relationships with daddy issues girls, raised by single mothers. As I have some childhood problems too, besides my parents always stayed together, I feel some high conection with this type of people, everything starts as a dream and ends like a nightmare. The chemistry at the beginning is unreal, my last one we got bonded pretty quicky, second day she was already with me and my family,

Wow, you are so beautiful and intelligent. I wish more women were like you, I appreciate your work

Sadia please write a book❤ i love your intelligence and your aura overall.