Because I'm slowly coming out publicly, I have so many people telling me I need to do this or need to do that, rather than continue on the transition journey I'm on. That has been the biggest emotional and mental struggle I've dealt with. Hormones are doing great physically, but those outside sources getting in head is crushing

I have been on HRT for about 13 weeks. I get impatient and frustrated about physical changes not happening faster. That can get me down. But for me, I did feel better very quickly once the estrogen hit my brain. Like I needed it all my life. I feel that is the most important aspect of the HRT for me, the psychological and neurological positives.

I started T at 50, already menopaused. The first year I gained alot of water - retention weight, my voice started to drop after 5 months, but no facial changes. Noticed the first chin hair after 1 year and half, and I gradually lost the water weight the second year. It's only this year (after 3 and half years) that I started to pass most of the time, and have some chin hairs. Yes, it takes time if you start older, but all it does is giving you a average paced puberty instead of the speed up ones you see in young folks. When is the last time you saw a cis 15 year-old boy with a full beard and very masculine features? 😏 The same boy 5 years later will then have reached full - maturity and look very different. We are in for 5-10 years of slow natural puberty, and knowing that eased my impatience. Finally I will get what other boys got... at the same pace 😝! So, don't worry, late bloomers! 🤗❤️

I think I feel better on hormones, it is...old age that has me feeling bad. 😉

Starting hormones felt like finally getting premium gasoline after telling myself for so long that running on diesel was tolerable.

I've been on CHRT for 9 months now and it definitely has decreased my dysphoria. On account of "social factors" I'm experiencing a TON of wicked brutal dysphoria. I'm out everywhere and to everyone and this social factor has generated a lot of blowback/backlash. So I had to quit my construction job making $60K and now I'm not even making half that. My current employer is marginally accepting and affirming/validating, but I can sense the energy of the intolerant and "my ears are burning". My goal is to be completely "passable", but I'm 46 years old and I only now realize how that goal is unattainable for me. In my own mind I'm very passable, or can be, but yes, the world is cruel and hateful. I can now only embrace the reality of how I'm just kinda in between male and female at the moment. This episode has really good timing for me in what I'm currently experiencing and I've noticed a lot of your videos are speaking directly to me at the moment I'm experiencing the subject matter.

Recently, I've been noticing that it seems I can feel how masculine my body is, but like in my mind and it causes a lot of distress. It's a little hard to explain. Starting hormones, and having been on them the last 9 months, has definitely improved my life. I started hanging out with my family again and just generally being more present in their lives. This new wave of really intense dysphoria is almost unbearable. I'm not out to anyone yet, so I imagine that might have something to do with it.

I started feminizing hormones last July, only a month after coming to terms with things. I told myself back then "be happy with your body as it is now, in the event hormones don't change anything." I also told myself "dont focus on how you look, focus on how you feel" For the first few weeks and months, I followed my own rules, and I felt really good. Lots of euphoria, lots of hope, lots of confidence. But I guess I went into this feeling a lot more like I would pass, and now I am having more and more doubts. I also have been pretty mean to myself, telling myself I should have done this 20 years ago, or that I looked better as a guy than a girl. I do have days where I see results, even get excited over them. But then the next day I might not see any results at all. It's not just how I feel psychologically, either. I sometimes feel like I have great results so far and that I'm looking more feminine, but other days where I see no results at all and look just like I did before transitioning. It's been tough to cope with it, but having a supportive wife and family is keeping me going. Thanks for this video, and sorry for the novel.

I feel really mixed. On one hand, starting HRT at 45 means that T has done a lot of damage to my body already, and the changes E will bring won't be as great as I would like. This hits especially hard when I see beautiful young trans women getting to spend their entire adult lives as themselves. On the other hand, there have been nice changes as I approach the 7 month mark, and there are days I kinda like who I see in the mirror now. And on the other other hand, I also suffer from PTSD, anxiety and depression caused by a combination of childhood traumas a decades of religious indoctrination which lead me to repress myself until then, so there's that whole mess to deal with too.

In another video I commented I felt unable to seek medical care for GD. However, I did try DIY hormones for 4 months, and I was doing it secretly but living with my mother. At the beginning, I actually felt really better, I was doing something, but as time went on I started to feel guilty for feeling better, like if I was doing something wrong, and also fear, first, to the possibility of causing some damage to my body and, even if that was not the case, I knew that changes were going to become evident, so people would realize what was happening and I would have to face social/ laboral/family rejection. I have been unable to make a living as a f..... lawyer, and I live in a conservative small town and family, so I felt very vulnerable. On top of that, at the same time, I fell in Iove with a cisgender heterosexual woman, and had enough stressors to get a stand alone depression diagnosyos, so I guess it was kind of a perfect storm. I ended up one night in the ER at the local hospital needing mild sedatives for an anxiety crisis. I concluded hormones were not the way to go, but listening to you I wonder if that was a sensible conclusión now.

Hi Dr Z, I identify with the fear of abandonment which stops me from starting transition in any way. I'm a psychotherapist and I'm realising that, after years of unconsciously suppressing who I really am, it may be time for me to come out and begin to socially transition. What advice would you have for me, as I fear transitioning may cause clients to leave, my finances to be negatively affected, and I may lose a job I love. Also the professional profile I have built as male be negated if I begin to live my authentic self. Any advice is appreciated. Love your videos!🥰

This has been my journey. My sense of self along surgery has been such a blessing, my body is have issues with the hormone itself and changes over the last 7yrs have been minimal like my body is fighting. I talk to a doctor next week to discuss my options since It has to be an allregy to the alcohol. The thing that worries me is that I may not have many other hormone options that affordable or just available

I was about to comment on your new mic, but I just realized youve had it for about 7 or so months in your videos. I stopped watching about 8-9 months back because I decided to put off transition for a while, but I just came back and its so nice to hear good audio from your videos! Great investment!

Changes happening slowly, that's what gets me. On the one hand I'm just overwhelmingly happy to, at long last, begin this journey but as with any trip there are expected and unexpected mishaps on the way. I didn't have any delusions about my testosterone inundated, and mature, body loosing its masculine features due to the increase in estrogen. But I do have to admit that I thought some of viable changes would happen faster. The combination of the above sometimes fills me with deep regret, which can drive me into a blue funk, over not finding a way to start HRT in my teens, or at least convincing, my then wife, to continue our discussion on options for transitioning while in our relationship.

I love the way you break the topic down into clearly defined categories. It is so helpful for self-reflection and understanding. Thank you

Thank you so much for your lovely and super helpful videos.

Thank you so much for this video! It was really helpful. When I first started hormones, my anxiety got so bad, and stayed that way for a while. I think a lot of it was the fear of transitioning, how people would perceive me, fear of regret etc. Because of anxiety, I struggle a lot with doubt and decision-making, and I think the realisation that I had just made a massive life-changing decision just brought up all those fears. (Ironically, feeling worse then brought it up even more doubt). Thankfully after about a year on hormones that doubt and anxiety started to subside and I am (generally) the most confident and at home I have ever been.

Thank you this is a great post and good advice,,, I am sharing to my gender group

I did feel better but I had dysphoria panic attack everyday. By adjusting the medication I started feeling great and so happy.

Great video Dr. Z! I’m in my 50s and they made a huge difference in my life have never been happier. I feel fortunate even tho I started late have been very happy with the results. I had realistic expectations going in and have a great endocrinologist😊❤️

I've had so dramatic and explosive onset of the dysphoria that the hormones saved me in no time. At the beginning was neutral but stable, after that better and better.

thank you for this video. I'm the kind of person who likes to know all the potential downsides before I make a choice to dosomething. I've never been able to get anyone, doctor or otherwise, to give me this information. It seems a lot less scary now, and i feel much more informed. You continue to impress. Russia really does produce top class thinkers and artists. I'm sorry you aren't so welcome there right now, but let me say as an American, I'm glad you're here, and you'll always be welcome here with us in our queer little community. :)

+DRZPHD *I've taken the opportunity to timestamp the four points this vid:* 2:18 Medical factors 3:31 Physical factors 7:38 Psychologic factors 9:38 Social factors

Haven't yet started hormones and had top surgery first. I wasn't sure I wanted T as I identify as non binary and get read as a guy even though I try and act fem lol. I've since realised I do in fact want T, I just thought it wasn't 'nessesary' and I could 'live without it'... I'm due to start in a month or so! This was really helpful. I feel my expectations are really high going onto T. Maybe I'm setting myself up for disappointment if changes don't come fast. But hopefully I can mentally prepare to hope for the best, expect the worst. I love how you explain things so simply. Don't usually leave comments but... Just wanted to say your previous videos have helped me out a ton over the last year!

I have my first hrt consultation in a week, and I was just thinking to myself that there’s pretty much no way I could feel *more* dysphoric from taking estrogen. In other words, I wouldn’t suddenly “want to go back to being a guy”, but it’s interesting to hear that people could (potentially) have a bad experience from it. I’ve gotten myself to this point because I’m completely estranged from the men’s “club”, as I guess I’ve always been, and couldn’t see things being any worse if I started taking estrogen. So we’ll see what happens.

When I transitioned, I def. felt better with myself (emotionally), with lots of euphoria, but my body got weaker. I couldn’t run as fast as before, or exercise as vigorously as before. It felt like my body wanted more energy that it could now provide. That didn’t feel ok, but then you realize this is how girls bodies walk, this is how girls bodies exercise. It is a different rhythm and you need to adapt and then everything is ok again.

One thing I thought was important to mention, since you talked about feeling worse being caused by a reaction to hormones....if a doctor also puts you on another drug such as an anti-androgen in addition or in preparation for the hormones, that could be possible to adjust without ruling out hormones. And sometimes you may not need it at all. Spiro can make people feel pretty lousy sometimes, for instance.

For me it's because I keep getting my surgery delayed, Bottom growth and the fact I am not smoking

I think being on estrogen made me feel worse, but my anti androgens made me feel better i think. However, it's difficult to say whether it was also outside forces making me feel worse. I don't know if anybody else felt this same way, but it's been quite puzzling for me. I've since gone off the hormones and I think I might have felt better on them, but again it's hard to say

It felt great- even with zero physical changes, it was as if the fog lifted and all of my anxiety vanished within a few weeks. I stopped before permanent changes though.

Just wanted to share that due to a genetic disease (ehlers danlos) I did get negative effects from going on feminizing hrt yeah, due to mass redistribution that I am getting my body temperature is higher than before and that second puberty gave me strong sensitivity to the cold which causes me to stay at high room temperatures. Heat is a trigger for/increases certain symptoms I have like neuropathy and p.o.t.s (constant debilitating headache, dizziness, black vision spots when worse, brain fog and more) and with the new puberty's all day tiredness it is quite a lot to deal with. If it were not for how compatible/affected my body is by hrt and the significant health benefits (reduced headache, muscle atrophy stopped etc) it would not have been worth to continue taking it yeah.

Great video. I started thinking that I might be a transgender woman almost five years ago, at the age of 56. Since then , I have been searching for information on people who discover they're transgender later in life. I can't. People who transition later in life always new that they were transgender. It's so frustrating. I didn't feel that I had dysphoria, because I wasn't depressed, but I was dressing more feminine as time went by. I finally talked to someone at Plume to start HRT. Through a series of questions, she told me that I definitely had dysphoria. So she started me on the estradiol patch .05 mg, because I wanted to take it slow. After doing some research,.05 mg might be too slow, because I do want to see changes if only subtle. I am hoping within time I will look more feminine. I don't have super masculine features, but I am almost 61 years old, so I am keeping my fingers crossed. I do not want to look like a man with breast.

Sigh I started testosterone at age 21 and had to stop for 8 months because of health issues going on I went back on recently and I’m feeling even more “sick” I guess hormones may not be for me anymore I got the changes I wanted but once I stopped T a lot of them went away and my chest grew too I wasn’t able to have top surgery so stopping T made my breasts get bigger I am 26 now It really sucks a lot And going from Testosterone for years to body going back to estrogen I feel weird like I’m having a different personality or something since T had left my body I tried a low dose of the gel recently and I don’t know why my body can’t handle it all anymore

I use my CPAP machine and I told my doctor I am really tired on testosterone. I have been on HRT about a year now it will be a year in 3 weeks. I am also gaining weight and its taking a toll on my mental health. I also take gabapentin for 6 herniated discs, I am a disabled veteran. I don't want to have to stop my transition again I have already attempted twice on androgel. Are there any tips you have for fatigue and weight loss while transitioning. I have been getting labs often and told the endocrinologist that I'm tired and she said that testosterone doesn't make you tired. I've seen other ftms on reddit and on here saying they are tired. She said my labs were good to continue my prescription, but I feel like shit. Any advice helps thank you!

Thanks so much for this video! I am now 7 months on T and I am happy with the changes but they just happened so incredibly fast for me that I feel like I didn’t get time to adjust to them. I know that these are the changes that I want and I can’t imagine living without T but I feel like if I am not excited about things happening so fast that I am not trans enough. Do you hear similar experiences from people? Because right now it feels like I’m the only trans guy who feels like this.

I felt happy but my anxiety and depression went through the roof and suicidal ideation came .

Something that I didn’t expect, worked hard to be sure about and I don’t hear discussed much is that my experience has been that my body centric dysphoria isn’t super high, and MTF HRT has nearly eliminated my lifelong struggle with depression and anxiety. I’m more non-binary than anything else and honestly don’t think it’s even gender specific. My brain just does NOT function properly with a cis male hormone profile. I’ve intermittently stopped HRT as well as unintended upsets and the result is always the same….I may or not notice physical changes but regardless of the cause ANY increase in testosterone plummets immediately back into my previously deep depressed and anxiety. It’s a night an day difference that appears to be entirely on the “hardware level” and not subject to events in my life, my perceptions of changes etc. Even if I wasn’t trans, just the alleviation of lifelong mental health struggles alone would have me continuing HRT. Any other trans folks experience anything similar.

Dr. Z. There’s a KZfaqr called Cluniac who made a video about psychological causes of gender dysphoria. I would love to see your view on the topic. Also because there is a lot of transphobic arguing lately which would be great you throw on some light on the subject. Thank you

this was a good video ❤️ I went to Stanford yesterday for a facial feminization consultation people are telling me that Medi-Cal will not pay for it is this true that you know of because if I can't get the masculinity out of my face I'm done

Is it normal to feel FOMO when first discovering your Trans

I feel way better on hormones but have noticed one major issue- PTSD. Now that I'm on T, I feel real enough to experience emotions and experience my body which sounds good and all, but I spent years thinking in the back of my mind I was probably actually dead or asleep, to suddenly realize the world is real and so is every terrible thing I've gone through. So... it's forcing me to process some shit.

What if I’m not able to take it cuz I healed from Benzo withdrawal and my body is more sensitive now so idk what to do I feel so hopeless

It made me feel good but results are super slow. I’m 6 mos. in . Had to stop T blockers because I Didn’t like the side effects so I am just transitioning with just estrogen which feels a lot better than adding it with spironolactone. I think definitely once I get my surgery FFS I will feel a lot more incongruent with my spirit.

what can I do so my family understand me and respect my gender identity?

Okay good to know there isn't something wrong because I don't necessarily feel *so much better*. I mean.... I *do* feel better. I've got a greater access to my emotions AND my nips are hurting which adds up to "Hey! My nipples are hurting... I'M GROWING BOOBS!" -> Really excited xD But other than that, the world hasn't been lifted yet. Over time I know it will be but it was kinda scaring me that it wasn't and all I'd heard is that it's supposed to :P This didn't really increase dysphoria for me, I've actually felt more comfortable "being a girl" because I'm on hormones, but part of me has been kinda worried about it lol

Is it normal for trans people not to be able to remember much about their childhood? Just asking because this was a topic on the Reddit AskTransgender forum a few days ago. I don't remember much about my childhood but I dismissed it as being normal for everyone and that It is just that I have a bad memory. Is there anything to this or is it rubbish?

i'm about to take hormones soon i am on a psychologist i can't believe i lied about changing my bottom. my psychologist and psychiatrist are recommending taking hormones soon, is it because i got scared of my mom just try to deny my own happiness?

Have you noticed a lot of trans suffering from psychosis or schizophrenia or autism symptoms tha went away as they dressed an got help

??????? ?

I had a hard time listening to this one. Took Facebook breaks. My ex-wife knew I was a cross-dresser and hated me for 27 years until she hated me out of the marriage. I first started coming out around 1998. It was a disaster. Lost a career I'd been nurturing for 27 years. Lost a woman I loved. Lost everything and went broke by 2005. Was a pet sitter for 17 years: I made a marginal income. Lived in an SRO. Later a basement apartment. I went to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) with Albert Ellis, Phd 1996 to 2001. I learned skills to combat the worst of depression. But I did not thrive. I subsisted. Around 2004 I took a test with eHarmony: they concluded I lacked "assertiveness," and that I would have a more fulfilling life if I had more "assertiveness." My ex died of cancer in 2010. I got social security from her account as a surviving ex-spouse. It was the first steady income I had since 2000. (With pet sitting, I had weeks where I made $1000 and others were I made $100. Long run average was $450, less expenses, like car payments & insurance & gas & repairs. On call 12 or more hours per day, 7 days per week. Never a planned day off for 17 years. I liked the dogs & cats and occasional birds.) I started collecting a small pension in 2014. I turned 70 in 2019 and started getting SS from my account. First time in over 20 years I had enough stable income I could live on. I'm pretty much retired. Just in time for COVID lockdowns! YEAH! I live in NYC where people my age have been devastated by COVID. I've been mostly in hiding! (As a pet sitter, I use to go out and visit people sometimes too. These days I'm mostly a recluse. I wouldn't say I'm lonely. But I do miss people!) About 18 years ago a friend suggested I could wear women's stretch jeans, panties & polo shirts and (almost) no one would notice. It's true. So I've been wearing (mostly) women's clothing, full time since. I do dress up & wear dresses when I go out grocery shopping. Before COVID, I use to go places: Church, the movies a local cultural center, the Pride Community Center. I don't pass: people are polite. That's fine. I am just so happy I can dress as I desire! (I use to pass better when I was about 100 lbs lighter. I'm an emotional eater. Chocolate ice cream & beer & taco chips are my worst "sins.") I'm working on paying off credit card debt. Another long term goal. It would be advisable to work on a more feminine voice. Meh. More long term work.) I am having trouble focusing on any goals. KZfaq videos? Write a book? Transition? It's all long term work with with only faith they will result in anything worthwhile. (It's all very vague into a distant future!) Some KZfaqrs suggest I move to Mexico. (I'd have to learn Spanish - another long term goal! Mexico has fascinating ancient Mayans & such! I would love to at least visit!) Others suggest I move to the Philippines where I can meet a lovely young Filipina to be my lover and live happily ever after on a tropical isle! (It sounds VERY charming!) (Asians honor their elders and May-December relationships are culturally OK. ALSO: I've checked: About 20% of the Philippine people are "gay" and they are OK with 'Lady Boys' at least as friends. I may have to search for a lover.) So what's stopping me? It will take me about 15 months to pay off my debts and another 2 or 4 months to build up enough savings. I have 3 cats. If I take them with me to the Philippines, it will cost $1000 per cat, one way (vet fees, air fare, paper work.) It will be a one way trip for them. So I have to be sure that's what I wish to do. Probably less to take them to Mexico. (I might be able to drive them to Mexico . . . from NYC?) I would have to know where I am going. So the plan is to make visits to each place and see how I like them. Learn Spanish, for Mexico. Maybe Tagalog for the Philippines. It's all very long term into the future. Transition: I will be 73 in a few weeks. You are not the first to suggest that HRT won't have much effect at my age. It will quash any lingering fertility I might have. If I want to make babies with a Filipina I should arrange to do that first! (She may already have children I might adopt...but if I wanted some of my own . . .) My understanding is that hormone pills have less dramatic impact. If I want to grow my own breasts I should use injectable Progesterone for 2 or 3 years and see what happens. (At my age, might get no results, anyway.) (Not sure how that will work in either Philippines or Mexico.) I have a transwoman friend on Facebook. She lives in Texas and has been married to a Filipina for some years. She, with her wife's approval, started to transition seriously over the last 2 or 3 years. So, such a thing is not impossible! Over the last 73 years, I have learned to accommodate being a bio-male person. If I had a lover, I would prefer she was a bio-female person. But I have this deep, personal aspiration to be a lovey lady! It doesn't make sense. But there it is. Life would be SO much easier if I were a "normal' cis-gender male person!

You really are not helping people at all.. basically what i took from this video is that “if you don’t transition at 3 years old then you will never pass” like girl this video is disgusting && needs to be flagged ! You are actually insulting transitioning people & making their dysphoria worse !