Thank you for sharing. I relate a lot. I had a lot of perceived trauma & the awakening process was at first blissful and incredible, but then turned very dark. So much grief, deep sadness, melancholy, anger. It just started bubbling up and overflowing and I was challenged to sit with it and through it without judgement, and without running. This lasted about a year. So much crying. Once the emotional purging was mostly complete, I found “myself” right back where I had started as if all this awakening stuff never even happened. So confusing. All the same triggers, but this time, there was a difference. It was all observed and witnessed. It’s like “I” was getting a front row seat to the mechanism of my fragile ego. There wasn’t much value placed on the trigger or the response to the trigger any more. I wasn’t assigning all this meaning anymore. I was just watching and marveling at this movie called “me.” A sort of pause was created in the processing that allowed me to respond differently. And now, I’m simply left with what is. My mind still does it’s mind things, but I understand what it is now so it doesn’t have significance any more. It’s so difficult to talk about because words just fall short. It’s paradox after paradox and ultimately, the realization that all is well and all is one regardless of the quality of experience one perceives having. And as I’m writing all of this, I am utterly aware that my words have no weight and that I don’t really know anything nor can be sure of anything. Who’s here to know or be sure anyway? Crazy!!! And amazing!! Just wow!! It’s quite incredible how this is all possible.

The rejection is so, soooo painful. I've wanted to give up so many times. The body is finally giving into the feeling. Not resisting, just accepting the darkness. Like opening the doors and the windows in the winter, just letting all the light and warmth out. I feel so hollow. Spiritual awakening isn't fun, it isn't angels and thrones and light. It's dark and painful and feels bitter and cold, like death (or the Inevitable) staring at you at night. My intuition says "it's going to be okay" but some days like this I can't feel it. I know what you mean by "very uncomfortable" and i can sense the rejection energy here so powerful and it feels like too much to bear but also like what i need. This is so confusing.

It's just sooooo freaking crazy to me right now how all of the subconscious is suddenly conscious after all these years. It really makes sense why I suffered the way I did, because there was NO way for me to handle what I went through as a child with two emotionally unavailable and unstable parents. My parents did everything for me, but their fears and instability was the trauma in my life. Trauma isn't one singular event most of the time. It's been tough realizing that I've been living in a chronic state of fear/anxiety even after my awakening for over a decade. Thankfully now, I do see some light, and awareness is the love that is bringing this all up the surface and dealing with it.

You are walking on a tight rope here and doing it so well. Speaking with clarity and compassion about the pain and suffering in tandem with your realization, not just discounting it or saying it doesn't exist. Thanks for this :)

Non duality is growing up. 🙏❤️🤯

Thank you! I’ve been going through this over the last year. There was an attempt to hide vulnerabilities from myself and others. Recently everything has been coming out regardless.

The nervous system is very good. ❤

Suzanne awakening is not the dissolution of your identity, its the acceptance of it. Unconditional love is just total acceptance. You cant love anything until you love yourself. All you can do is cling to externalities which ultimately disappoint until you love you. The feeling of awakening should be you and the cosmic giggle loving the shit out of yourself. Unitl that happens you have not awakened. Those souls in that graveyard your always in love you why cant you love you. Youre fucking perfect and radiant but nobody will see it until you do.

So powerful. Had an accident recently and suddenly all the feeling of rejection and anger came up. everything happening to me...still there doesn't stop. Thought I can handle a lot but realized how much wound is underneath. Not an easy process Thank you .. hugs

It feels really cool to be validated in what appears as my experience. Your videos tend to communicate in a way that my brain can sort of understand. It feels like a slow unburdening of the mind as you speak. You help it ease back and receive the message more easily. Or that's at least how it is all appearing for me Now.

Another excellent commentary Suzanne. My father told me facing and acknowledging one’s mental anguish or pain is healthy for a persons physiologically. As I listened to you, I recalled a quote attributed to Jim Morrison of the band ‘The Doors’ in which he discussed pain and the importance in our lives. It took awhile to find it. The following is a part of that quote. “Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality.” (Source: www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/pain).

Thank you. This is why when we feel safer to feel we often feel things we didn’t realise we hadn’t been feeling from the past. I like your observation about the nervous system being stronger as a result of feeling it right the way through. This is the real end true work

I like how you don't waste time on small talk and get right to the issue👍

What you said about learning to just sit with the pain is something we are rarely (if ever) ever taught to do in our lives and our bodies and minds are not trained to handle the excessive pain of trauma which can lead to hospitalization. Simply being told to "suck it up", "deal with it", "get over it" isn't helpful since the process is more complex, and requires care and guidance. Understandably people who say such things are subconsciously projecting their own wants and expectations onto others rather than truly prioritizing your recovery. I'm not Buddhist and come from a Christian background. Unfortunately religion taught me to expect fast healing and I was sorely disappointed to learn that healing isn't automatic or something you get at a drive through window just as long as you pray, meditate and tithe 10%. I learned that it is a long journey and process that never truly ends which initially felt unjust and simply wrong. But I realized that for me healing isn't supposed to be the be all, end all. The end goal for me is no longer simply to live pain free or finally be rid of unwanted baggage once and for all, because just like the happy experiences, everything experienced in life is a part of me. As I change and move through life, that part of me has no choice but to change along with me. Like everything else in life, it will have it's time in the sun and more often than not it will take a back seat to other things as I "heal". If I didn't learn to accept it as a part of me, I would have just continued to frantically try to "heal" without ever knowing why (aside from the perception that pain was always getting in the way of life). The memory of having been consumed for a time felt like I was sinking in a densely frozen bog in a blizzard. It was always night and I couldn't ever leave because it was all within myself. I wanted nothing more than to be where I was before everything became dark. I knew why I was there and if I had just accepted defeat, I would have just as quickly been in a warm and welcoming environment again along with everyone else. It was "my own damn fault" until I realized that I was always meant to experience this. There was a much deeper purpose to my life than simply being left out in the cold until I "finally came to my senses". The love, warmth and safety I missed was an illusion and wasn't based on anything solid or real. The feelings were real, but they were feelings for an illusion of unconditional love that had always been stringently conditional despite the false advertising and cute packaging. I sometimes watch content about Buddhism to understand what it's about, but cautiously as I don't know enough about it to know if it's safe for me. Christianity wasn't safe for me because as an adult I found it too moralistically simplistic and largely fear based. I appreciate the openness and humility when I hear you speak. It's comforting to hear someone speaking in a tone that doesn't resemble the dogmatic style of self expression of a large number of people within religion and within identity politics.

you are such an amazing person - massive love from England, keep strong

Very Good! Thanks

This is so clear !

You are incredible...

You are a beautiful soul.

Nice Share Suzanne. Thank you 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Such an authentic expression, and so much of this particular upload resonates with my story. Thanks for being a mirror 🙏🏽💚🧡

Thank you

🙏 beautiful summary. Thank you very much. 🙏🦋🌷🦋🙏

thanks for NOT telling me it's an illusion. I'm having a hard time with yogis, monks, and gurus saying suffering is a "me"problem. I feel ignored and unwanted. then I resist.

hello. wow. thank you. this is somewhat like a satsang

This calms me down. Its clear and it reminds me of who I was and what I was feeling. All the love for life. Even noone understands, there is just moments. No me. And as soon as I am around people. Currently in a rather poor neighbourhood . Stressed people something gets triggered. But also people in general, children are fine... when they are not with parents.. i get very stressed. Even thinking about people . But yes its like you said.. there is a slow "wanting to be with it". Went trough this with sexuality and partnerships as well (as i was rejecting this because of disappointments too and i force myself over and over . Ask creator.. to overcome ego. Because really it just wants to love. Me and the other... community still an issue at the moment. Where there is some suffering inside of me. Unknowingness. And again i know its loving me and the other. And understanding i dont function in this rat race and thats totally fine Thank you.

You have a beautiful voice

ur beautiful and full of kindness. all blessings upon u. may all good things come to u. Hare Krishna 💕

Ah yes. Had an couple of weeks recently during which it seemed like the wheels were coming off. Disassociating and scary panic attack. I've been at this exploration for many years but it has taken just these past two years or so to get serious and focus--losing my best buddy life partner and of course the lockdown...Love the apparent serendipity that seems to appear more and more often. Sitting with a bit of nothingness and then Voila! Up pops this particular video was just the thing I was wrestling with, about the nervous system and awakening intense pain. That's gotta be what this recent stuff was pointing to. What's even more of a trend is having my antenna fully extended and *just* spent the weekend in 3 hour sessions gettin' in the weeds over this exact message of self-love and acceptance, with extra points for letting your body know it's safe to gently explore that old crap.

Ok...it seems to me that we need to let go or witness particularly negative emotions and not personalise it and these emotions kind of help us to awaken or teach us to be more accepting of everything because ultimately everything is ok. Isn't it an absolute minefield that each time we get burned it's a lesson in how to observe the teaching, behave better but ultimately not take it personally because if we do the mind and emotions will torture us. Isn't it so hard. I'm just learning and fumbling with my words and life and hopefully it all comes together. I don't know if I've made any sense but I know in my mind kind of where I'm going lol :) Peace and love.

"You should tell yourself frequently 'I will only react to constructive suggestions.' This gives you positive ammunition against your own negative thoughts and those of others. You must begin to trust yourself sometime. I suggest you do it now. If you do not then you will forever be looking to others to prove your own merit to you, and you will never be satisfied. You will always be asking others what to do, and at the same time, resenting those from whom you seek such aid." Jane Roberts "For some years now, there has been proof that the devastating effects of the traumatization of children take their inevitable toll on society-a fact that we are still forbidden to recognize. This knowledge concerns every single one of us, and-if disseminated widely enough-should lead to fundamental changes in society; above all, to a halt in the blind escalation of violence. The knowledge that you were beaten and that this, as your parents tell you, was for your own good may well be retained (although not always), but the suffering caused by the way you were mistreated will remain unconscious and will later prevent you from empathizing with others. This is why battered children grow up to be mothers and fathers who beat their offspring. The more we idealize the past and refuse to acknowledge our childhood sufferings, the more we pass them on unconsciously to the next generation. The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body, and although we can repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated, and conceptions confused, and our body tricked with medication. But someday our body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child, who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth. The art of not experiencing feelings. A child can experience her feelings only when there is somebody there who accepts her fully, understands her, and supports her. If that person is missing, if the child must risk losing the mother’s love of her substitute in order to feel, then she will repress emotions. Child abuse damages a person for life and that damage is in no way diminished by the ignorance of the perpetrator. It is only with the uncovering of the complete truth as it affects all those involved that a genuinely viable solution can be found to the dangers of child abuse. The abused child goes on living within those who have survived such torture, a torture that ended with total repression. They live with the darkness of fear, oppression, and threats. When all its attempts to move the adult to heed its story have failed, it resorts to the language of symptoms to make itself heard. Enter addiction, psychosis, criminality. Ultimately the body will rebel. Even if it can be temporarily pacified with the help of drugs, cigarettes or medicine, it usually has the last word because it is quicker to see through self-deception than the mind. We may ignore or deride the messages of the body, but its rebellion demands to be heeded because its language is the authentic expression of our true selves and of the strength of our vitality. Those children who are beaten will in turn give beatings, those who are intimidated will be intimidating, those who are humiliated will impose humiliation, and those whose souls are murdered will murder. It is very difficult for people to believe the simple fact that every persecutor was once a victim. Yet it should be very obvious that someone who was allowed to feel free and strong from childhood does not have the need to humiliate another person. Hitler, Stalin, Mao and other dictators were exposed to severe physical mistreatment in childhood and refused to face up to the fact later. Instead of seeing and feeling what had happened to them, they avenged themselves vicariously by killing millions of people. And millions of others helped them to do so. When we consider the major role intimidation plays in this ideology, which was still at the peak of its popularity at the turn of the century, it is not surprising that Sigmund Freud had to conceal his surprising discovery of adults' sexual abuse of their children, a discovery he was led to by the testimony of his patients. He disguised his insight with the aid of a theory that nullified this inadmissible knowledge. Children of his day were not allowed, under the severest of threats, to be aware of what adults were doing to them. and if Freud had persisted in his seduction theory, he not only would have had his introjected parents to fear but would no doubt have been discredited, and probably ostracized, by middle-class society. In order to protect himself, he had to devise a theory that would preserve appearances by attributing all “evil”, guilt and wrongdoing to the child's fantasies. in which the parents served only as the objects of projection. We can understand why this theory omitted the fact that it is the parents who not only project their sexual and aggressive fantasies onto the child but also are able to act out these fantasies because they wield the power. It is probably thanks to this omission that many professionals in the psychiatric field, themselves the products of "poisonous pedagogy" have been able to accept the Freudian theory of drives, because it did not force them to question their idealized image of their parents. With the aid of Freud's drive and structural theories, they have been able to continue obeying the commandment they internalized in early childhood: "Thou shalt not be aware of what your parents are doing to you. The results of any traumatic experience, such as abuse, can only be resolved by experiencing, articulating, and judging every facet of the original experience within a process of careful therapeutic disclosure. For the human soul is virtually indestructible, and its ability to rise from the ashes remains as long as the body draws breath. Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on." Alice Miller, For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence "We humans are wired for empathy by evolution, but when children grow up in dominator families they internalize this male over female template for relations early on. They then automatically apply it to other differences, whether based on race, religion, sexual orientation, and so forth. That both Muslim fundamentalists and the Christian right are today focusing their attempts to regain control in a rapidly changing world on frantic efforts to maintain control over women, particularly over women's sexuality. Moreover, given their mythologies about "holy wars," it is also understandable that they should use "divinely approved" violence to do so. If we look at the last decades, we see that the US rightist-fundamentalist alliance demonized partnership-oriented families and painted women's rights as a threat to "tradition" - which of course it is to traditions of domination. These people had an integrated political agenda that recognizes that a "traditional" authoritarian, male dominated, punitive family is foundational to an authoritarian, male dominated, punitive politics. We can see this connection in sharp relief in brutal top-down regimes, be they secular like Nazi Germany or religious like ISIS in the Middle East. For most of recorded history, parental violence against children and men's violence against wives was explicitly or implicitly condoned. Those who had the power to prevent and/or punish this violence through religion, law, or custom, openly or tacitly approved it. .....The reason violence against women and children is finally out in the open is that activists have brought it to global attention. When the status and power of women is greater so also is the nation’s general quality of life; when they are lower, so is the quality of life for all. In sum, the struggle for our future is . . . the struggle between those who cling to patterns of domination and those working for a more equitable partnership world. to change our realities, we also have to change our myths. As history amply demonstrates, myths and realities go hand in hand. [On the ancient Venus figurines:] If the central religious figure was a woman giving birth and not, as in our time, a man dying on a cross, it would not be unreasonable to infer that life and the love of life - rather than death and the fear of death - were dominant in society as well as art. This notion that man can, and should, have absolute dominion over the "chaotic" powers of nature and woman...is what ultimately lies behind man's famous "conquest of nature" - a conquest that is today puncturing holes in the earth's ozone layer, destroying our forests, polluting our air and water, and increasingly threatening the welfare, and even survival, of thousands of living species, including our own." Riane Eisler "Can currently existing religion be disentangled from the misogyny of its texts, its traditions, and its practices? ... a resounding NO: misogyny not only pervades the major faiths, it's baked in. Whether you look at Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, or Buddhism, wherever a distinction of sex is made, it is to the advantage of men. If you think of religions as if they were novels, the authors are men, and so are the major characters. When it comes to ideas - and religions are, among other things, ideas - there is no right not to be offended. ... In fact, if you need laws ... to protect your faith, maybe your faith is weak. For me, religion is serious business - a farrago of authoritarian nonsense, misogyny and humble pie, the eternal enemy of human happiness and freedom." Katha Pollitt

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Hi Suzanne, what do you think about some speakers of this message, who are now going back to the consciousness/awareness teachings, saying that this message is just a stepping stone and not to stop there. Which completely doesn’t make sense, considering what this message is saying. It’s very confusing. It seems obvious that they been just pretending that the sense of self disappeared for them. Just repeating what they heard from Tony Parsons and others. Does that make any sense to you, that someone can go from this message, to the awareness teaching ?

Yes, there is trauma and the pain of separation, of isolation of self but as a long term meditation practitioner I feel that there is no loss with self realization. Of course there are many degrees of realization but the majority of persons experience a rather small awakening, a few percent perhaps, but a 10 or 20% enlightenment would be a great Satori. But nothing is ever lost, the sense of self becomes more expansive. A zen student once said, “I came to realize clearly that mind is none other than mountains, rivers and the great wide earth, the sun, the moon and the stars.”

🌷

I am forming this as I write so it Might come out clumsy. People come to me for massage work, and I know most of their tension is caused by the things they hold in their bodies, the pain, the fear, the armour. I want to help them let it go, but I don’t know how, and I don’t know if they know how. I think people often just let their mind wander during massage, and don’t use it as a opportunity to feel themselves and breath out the tension as I aid that. Some people do, but most don’t.

I be like what's the use of non duality if am still here with a joint in-between my finger and like voila I get the insight, even though the joint still in-between my fingers, the fear and the shame and the guilts and the frustrations, all gone. That means now I now feel the actual high😁

I assume you are younger than me? I'm 66. Regretfully you may later learn that what is far painful than rejection is the knowledge that some one you love has known and may still be experiencing great pain. Perhaps they are feeling rejected and its seems overwhelming. If you can not help them is is far more painful than rejection for yourself. i like your channel very much.

Suffering is for the ignorant. Those who hurt by rejection is because they ignore it. But once truly felt you are not ignorant anymore. The sort of pain arise from naivety. Anger then will come and save your wounded ego from unnecessary pain. If revenge is a possibility you will take it and you will enjoy it. Those who see beauty in pain are masochists or have tendencies to masochism. They will seek pain regardless throughout their whole lives.

Than what is the point of this existence? Or even to existence? And how can you opt out?

Hi Suzanne. Seems like all non-dual speakers I’ve been watching say that there’s only love or this is love, unconditional love. But what kind of that love is? It doesn’t seem like the kind of love that would interfere, for example would give a hand or step in whenever it’s needed such as a cry for help. It seems to me this love is about allowing and observing and not passing judgment onto everything, just letting things be. Is that correct?

I don't know exactly where all of this non dual stuff is coming from, or how this term awakening is being used, but if you are suggesting that psychological restructuring, or realizations that lead to cognitive restructuring, are akin to the stages of enlightenment in Buddhism, you are doing a great disservice to others as well as to yourself. Awakening as translated in Buddhist texts are not stages of psychological or cognitive development, nor are they realizations. They are attainments, and they are not common even amongst people that dedicate their entire lives to the practice. So, I don't know what this is all about, but it walks a dangerously close line in promoting the idea that psychological developments or perspectives are what enlightenment is all about when it is completely unrelated. The outcome of fooling others is to be fooled yourself. And not only in this life. A teacher of spiritual Attainments would die before they asked for a penny from anyone.

Unfortunately, people too often or involved to reveal what you already know about yourself and that’s the painful part parts that I don’t want him to be involved with wished I did never stepped into it because in the end it is more garbage more pain more duality it’s never going to end. I’m stuck I’m in atrap it’s never going away, I hate the country I’m in and I feel it hates me. I don’t think anyone in this world fucking loves me. Never never been so.

This is very typical of trauma and "unresolved" pain. Unrelated to non-duality or enlightenment, it's a very predictable process - it's painful, it comes up, diminishes, fades and passes. And one is changed and left lighter as a result. I don't quite understand it being described as "painful" if there is no one there to feel it.

Isn't it more likely that if someone has had a stable, happy childhood they would be less qualified to cope with pain. And more attached to the illusion of selfhood? In my opinion it is more probable that those of us who suffer will be more willing to let go of selfhood.

I hear you but I don't understand the direction of your thoughts. It's everwhere and nowhere. So....I'm a bit confuse with myself. Any suggestions how I can feel real with you.❤

Did you have a period where you make yourself face silence and not distract it with even non dual videos? I find myself being uncomfortable with doing nothing.

Okay okay but what if we play a game and we forget about the trauma for just a minute? What if we move fast and the mind is freed by the movement. No need to unravel when there's so much freedom to be in existence. You're a great girl I can tell. We don't need to die to pain. Takes discipline of course to not be excessively cruel to ourselves. But what if there was so much pain there was no choice left but to do? That the discomfort leaped into "alright I'll keep existing". No resistance, not avoidance, just joy and play with what's left in the end

Hi

keron keron

I mean,,,what sane person would reject you?😘

I don’t exist

I find it difficult listening. Everyone deals with trauma differently. Fact, personality is a conglomeration of trauma responses.

Your videos are so triggering. They make me think there is some kind of whole-life problem that needs to be fixed right now! =O

You know what? I'm tired of this spiritual trainwreck. Tired of analyzing what and if and having to non stop experience emotional changes and rejection and hardships and blablabla you can grow spirituality without going insane or without having to reach rock bottom everytime and have a new layer of realization. It's really tiring and pointless. Absolutely pointless there is no such meaning analyzing maybe the answer to all of our questions is just to experience. Maybe being aware of the details and the unseen is a curse.

Very sly appropriation of physical and spiritual anarchy, as well as dehumanizing, Does not address evil and all shades of Grey, to assume that nothing exists including you, how is this video possible ? It seems a sly shot at striving, growth, accountability, existence itself, etc. What do you do when an injustice or imbalance occurs, nothing, accept the decay ? Ar what point in that mode of thought/existence is and why would there be a "promise" of "bliss" This also seems awfully subjective, a wish ? Isn't that something? At the end of the rabbit hole still sounds like anarchy of all things, I don't see or feel why this would be purposeful, as beauty is also subjective, seems like a black hole, I don't see how you get "bliss" out of it, Unless like many, one mistakes bliss/glee for joy, 2 very different things Unless you would care to be more specific, then a useful enlightenment might be achieved, Still, perhaps hard upon a backdrop that nothing exists,

I am so glad I’ve found your page and content like I am blown away at the similarities 🤎

❤