Dr Ramani teaches this and its so accurate

That’s a good one

... devil-carryin' hellions, in denial re their upcoming appointment ... (-_'|

What do you do if the child is the narcissist and you are the mother?

It was always subliminal comparisons, never directly stating something, even after years of no contact they presume to know everything about me.

Yeah that's true in my case grief was what freed me from a narcissist when I was grieving her true colours were revealed a week after my grandmother's funeral I walked away never looking back I got that "you will never find anyone better than me" speech I checked out when she asked me "is there someone else" she was with me that morning when the doctor told me my grandmother was dying

Exactly. And they hate that.

This is so true.

💯

That's true. However they use that opportunity as well to continue doing things to make sure you feel devalued. They never stop. Best thing is to get rid of them. Period. Purge your home, your life of ALL the trash

True❤

Yep, constantly tells me my relationship issues ate because of something that happened 30 years ago not the fact he's been cheating for 5 years.

Don’t claim them as “yours” they don’t deserve to be anywhere near your energy ❤️‍🩹

Mine told to get over it😢

i told my wife one time i slept with an older woman out of paint and loss of a past relationship and she reminds me of it weekly. :(

You have yourself and that's enought.

You also have God, authentic, truthful, and forgiving

Hugs to you Wanda ❤

You're right, it's a sad time. I'll send a hug to you 💞

​@@shirleyann245God? 😂

True.

Yeah I keep getting caught up in this one! Those people who seem like they are interested in having a meaningful conversation, until you start talking and then they instantly turn off!! They have no interest in hearing what you have to say.

This!.. and don't over explain when they throw accusations your way that you know are not true. They only want a reaction. This one is still hard for me and I've been out for 10 years now. Out of the blue, he will text something that happened 20 years ago or he will tell me he did something that he knows will hurt me when he did not actually do the thing. I finally figured out, he just wants to stress me the fuck out and he did this our entire 23 year marriage.

Lots of people are like this. Especially when they ask about you or what's wrong. They start looking away, change conversation, belittle your feelings, their situation is worse than yours, toxic positivity, etc. It's all about gossip and general chit chat. It's so hard to find real depth and compassion anywhere.

@@irishrose1970cr Yes, those that do not understand and give you a bunch of unsolicited advice really pissed me off. I have since weeded out many "friends." while building up my "true tribe."

Yes, confusion, all the time, constantly, it's draining so much

@@elanawrot9889 I had it for 14 years.. he was my best friend and the love of my life . Thought I’d never get over him… but I did! And I’m much happier, at peace and healthier now . The key is acceptance and NO contact. Ever again .. as much as you love them it is just not possible for them to change.

And when it's your own Son, imagine trying or having to walk away... 😭

@@paulaw9764 So difficult for you. My mother is bipolar and a narc. I walked away from her constant drama years ago and life is better… but then I got involved with another one and went through it all again! I can spot them a mile away now… Don’t think I’d be able to let go if it were my kids though.. good luck to you with your son 💛

@@lolab1643 I didn't think life could get any tougher, but when you're reduced to feeling like nothing as a person, then something has to change. Even if that change also hurts like hell. You end up not knowing what's up or what's down or sideways anymore and I'm done with it. All the best to you, maybe things will come right for us eventually 🙏❤️

Or they are still doing the thing " in the past". And you actually "never talked about" anything, just got a word salad.

That's when it's time to pull up your boots and get out of there...😮

Tell them this…$I’ll stop living in the past when you stop making it the present. Say let’s play a game.. what ever you want me to do you do it first for two years then I’ll do it. Say you would never stand for this… so I’m not either. Every thing is bc of you… so say everything is bc of them. Be that mirror.

Deep

So true❤

Ugh, sad realization but It's something we have to accept.

NOPE. They want to see you squirm. They love the control.

Closure is a myth. The myth is damaging to you.

You don't have to wait for them to Give You Closure. You can put an end to the relationship and move on with your life.

Nope, not even on their death bed. NEVER! I know first hand. He died 8 years ago.

If you happen to see this comment directed to you about your post, would you please copy it and send it to me? Thank you 😊

There always has to be that one that lists the points of the video,,,, ugh

Helpful thanks for the list

Thank you for taking the time to write this list ..❤

@@lillyrose1422 💕🙏🌈

This is the truth.

There are no such things as Demons,this is a mental health condition.

@Wonderful Wenna mental illnesses can be corrected with the truth. Someone that says there is no such thing as demon possession also doesn't believe the Bible. Word of God says there is. Most mental illnesses are due to willful sin snd the demons enter in and the person loses self control and something else is controlling their minds bodies and behaviors. The spirit realm is real. Deliverance is absolutely 100 percent real. Tho once delivered they can go back to their sin and get repossessed. Bible talks about that too.

We all have our own beliefs,whether they are true or not.Agree 100% about the lying ,accountabilities ……..😊

Demons effect the mind and come in in a variety of ways. Genetics= generational curses with familiar spirits attached that persuade the individuals to sin and the demon entered them. Can come thru trauma and abuse. Evil entertainment sinful lifestyles Drugs including pharmaceutical drugs getting into the occult knowingly or unknowingly just to name a few. . Alot of mental disorders could be remedied by repentance and acceptance of the truth and prayer fasting worship etc. Most suffering with these illnesses are full of excuses for their bad behaviors....excuses are lies...I mean if you know right from wrong but choose to do wrong these demons come in and control a person who has not repented and renounced of the sin that let them in. They chose evil over good in alot of cases. Unbelief in the word of God is in reality an evil too. The old saying the greatest trick the devil ever played on humanity is to convince people he doesn't exist is true too. All ungodly personalities are demonic spirits and there's an opposite for those that alliingn

Absolutely! Thank you!!!

They are very much like human sponges, drawing every last ounce of feeling from you..

@@desertmandan123 It's exhausting to the victims.

@@shannon8315 My ex wife was a Narc, I went to stay with a sister after the divorce and she was worse than my ex wife..I haven't seen or spoken to either in years...and my life is so much better. I only realised my ex's actions when I saw the very same in my elder sister, and knew it wasn't me or my actions.

@desertmandan123 it's amazing how once we're aware of narcissistic behavior, you see it a lot more than you realize and accepted before. It's nice to be aware.

Absolutely. I was being just like her. Blame shifting, gas lighting, and guilt tripping. I'm embarrassed. I didnt know it could happened but it did.

I started questioning if I was also a narci 😮

This is a profound fact and the realization comes far down the line. Trusting yourself and accepting all the instinctive things you told yourself in the past about them and relationship is a key to breaking through. No longer gaslighting yourself!

Yes, that is a true statement. You do become them, aarrrhhĥ

But back then, I knew nothing about narcs, never ever heard the word. I have learnt about narcs after he died

Wise words!

What if you do the opposite consciously when it is clearly communication is not sincere?

Agree totally.❤👍😊🌹

Sick mental cases

@@mitziclark7488 agree.sort of vampires..👍

Yes, totally. Absolute cutting ALL contact, and keeping it that way , even if you have to get the Law to ensure it, has to happen if you want to get their sickening control out of your life.

RUN is right! Never turn back!

There ARE good ppl with NPD tho. Some ppl with cluster-B get help bc they want it. Also, nobody is evil. Some ppl being difficult and selfish can be a result of disorders. If someone is even a psychopathic villain, they're simply a result of their environment and nature.

@@Venomonomonom There's a reason why they get the bad rap - they've EARNED it 💯 There are other disorders, including cluster C and A, and yet still, cluster B are the ones who are predatory and lack empathy and intentionally hurt people to get their way. Only cluster B will seek out a person, manipulate purely to use and discard and NOT see a problem with that. For them love is equal to how much you are willing to be used. They also seek out fellow disordered people (mostly cluster C) and use them because, they are easily manipulated and attached. Ain't no saving some monsters. We appreciate scorpions and wasps, but you don't see anyone trying to pet or cozy up to them - because to hurt you is part of their NATURE. We also want those we love to be far far away from wasps and scorpions, and only professionals are able to deal with them. So is the same with cluster B.

Not if i hurt him first

My friend of 38 years is going through this right now. Her husband works her like a sculptor works clay. What’s your intellect realizes and what your emotions want are often opposite. I understand exactly went you are going through. It is just completely incomprehensible to someone who really wants relationship with another person and that other person treats them with cruelty and tries to make them feel like they’re stupid and selfish when in reality it’s the narcissist who’s stupid and selfish. I had a relationship with someone for seven years, and I had known them for three years prior to beginning the relationship and in their mind their behavior was perfectly acceptable and anytime I tried to talk to them about how they were making me feel, or if I tried to find a compromise, it was an exercise in absolute futility. And the sad part is is this Person had some really wonderful traits, but the bad things outweigh the good things and their outright, selfishness and absolute refusal to even consider compromising anything ruin the good. To this day I still love that person and I still enjoy talking to them for just a couple of minutes, because anything longer than that, and they start dragging up our past relationship from 16 years ago And telling me how wrong I was or making nasty little comments about how I am. So I just avoid them because the just does not make up for the bad. And I tried so hard so long to work on it to be patient to try to find that good person that was there in the beginning, and I finally arrived at the conclusion that People change and that person makes no effort to see what they’re doing and how it’s making you feel, you will never be happy. Happiness is subjective. It really is the only person who can make you happy or unhappy is you and if you had a normal mole suddenly change into a deformed and painful spot, would you hope it would revert to a normal & nondescript mole? No, you would not. You would go to the doctor because you would realize that you most likely were developing cancer. Because that’s what those people are they’re cancer, and they will eat you up and not care. The flashes of the wonderful person that you knew before are exactly that… little flashes…. is literally what you’re going to get so if those little flashes of that, keep you happy enough to stay in the relationship then you’re gonna have to accept that that’s how the person is and understand you agreeing to how they treat you knowing that they’re not going to make any effort whatsoever to think about you put you first or compromise in any way, just as it has begin to sour, it’s only gonna get worse because that is basically the evolution of a narcissist and the longer they have , the deeper their hook is sunk into you will reflect how badly they treat you. I have no idea how old you are, but it’s similar to what happened to Patti Hearst. Because it literally starts changing your perception as well as your responses. It becomes your normal. And that is a very sad normal. I feel so bad for my friend, because she says exactly the same thing I know the good person is in there. This person is not who I married. All the problem is is the person she married no longer exists. I really wish you from the bottom of my heart the best possible outcome. But I can tell you right now if the person you’re speaking of will not acknowledge, recognize and monitor their responses continuously and commitment even if they change temporarily, it’ll just slide back in to the behavior they had.

They love to get your goat and laugh about it.

I am 82years old/young Living with my only daughter single mid 50s failed relationships and says she finished because I needed her. We share a house together my portion of mortgage paid in full. Living in he'll for 22 years. I am now inn poor health and she is refusing to let me avail of home help I have lost all nature for her. Through listening to videos such as this. I know she will never change. I am trying to distance my thoughts from her as I now feel she she is demonic. I do believe in Jesus Christ.

Going through this exact thing right now.

You fell in love with the mask. Not the real self. Move on.

People mostly women would tell me how lucky I was to be married to him. But it was his facade in public, not what was real in our marriage and family.

so sorry you lived so long through this. i was married to a "vulnerable narcissist" which is much harder to identify--for 30 years also.

I can see why you stayed in the relationship so long. That would have most likely been me too as I have stayed with my vulnerable narcissist husband for 9 years and I have now separated from him in the past 2 months. This education is such a revelation to me. It has certainly helped me understand why this leaving him is so hard. I knew something wasn’t right with our marriage early on but because I was so ready to believe only the good I ignored the red flags. I had been happily married before for 28 years and he passed away so I knew that my current marriage shouldn’t be this hard. But, had it not been for the education I would still be in this weird, confusing marriage.

Wow!

@@marylusunshine Me too, but it was only 23 years of marriage and another 15 years to get over it. The worst part is I also lost my kids; they haven't spoken to me for the whole15 years.

Thank you for putting this into words!

But only we see the repetitive actions. For them, everyday is a new day and yesterday never happened. They expect you to move along, but you're not going anywhere, and put that smile on and don't mention their behavior or the hateful words they spoke to you. Unless they want to bring up YOUR minor faults, cause that's ok. Even the ones from YEARS ago. Don't you dare bring up what was done to you just last night. It is the most exhausting and frustrating thing to deal with.

@@ssarkansas You don’t have to deal with the situation.. u can leave and end it. You have a choice! When you complain about a situation you make yourself a victim. Accept it or change it. I know it’s hard but that choice to let go of the narcs will change your life for the better… Always✨

That is one of the moments where you understand that the relation will NEVER geht better , being caught in a circle which only drains your energy.

​@@ssarkansasI literally could have written your comment. How TF are they all the same? DNA link? Spawn of Cain? It is terrifying.

Amen!

It's taken me 23 years to awake! Now comes the healing...I'm trying to divorce him but it's so emotionally draining!

You’re not alone. 37 years SMH

Sweetie, I GET it! I'm married to one (21 years now) and it thrills me that this video teaches us how to fight back instead of just identifying the narcissist. Some of these I've learned on my own, but most I didn't so this guy is AWESOME

30 years. Exactly same experience. Now divorce in which, with the help of his lawyer, he tries to blame me for the exact same things he has done and I have not (cheating, stealing) in order to get me finance the rest of his life. It's unreal but these videos are a tremendous help.

@@lealina5030 they help me as well. Sooooooo much. I can call him out on his gaslighting when he does it which ends the argument because I'm right.

Same here. But I suspect she got not just narc thing. Very adaptive though.

Same here 68 years in!! Isn’t it shocking not to know what was going on ? It’s only very recently that all this information and distinction regarding the abuser rather then victim , me , flipped it all around! Years of fix me therapy. Frustration, when knowledge, the deep dive on the games being played by these people gave me REAL POWER.

I so understand, having been through the same thing. Both of my parents were narcissists. Consequently every romantic relationship I've had has been with narcissists. The last one so insane and damaging I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD what had been going on all my life. After leaving, it took me two years to be able to brush my teeth every day, and to bathe regularly. Only someone who's been through this would get it! Much love and strength to you. Live your best life now... That's my plan. We win by being who we are, and standing in the Light.

My mom is a not the malignant kind of narcissist but the helicopter over controlling mom who never allowed me to be myself. She is disrespectful to the core but disguised by “duty and righteousness”. I had to turn Into a very thorny person so she would not get Inside of me and rearrange everything. Unfortunately, even she meant well, she was still emotionally toxic and manipulative so she was always the perfect good mother and I was the rebel. I feel a gut rejection and contempt towards her. I don’t feel love or wish to care for anything related to her But she keeps her tentacles all over my life. Smear me with everyone She portrays me as unfit to society and an unruled daughter who will always need a mother. But I don’t I am my own mother And she senses it And hates me for it Makes me pay for it I had overcome all this at old age But oh how much I wish I had the tools early on so I could defend myself properly So sad

@@damanodrama so familiar. The funny thing is that it's just a set of narratives in their heads we believe and care about for some reason. They rely on our belief and in fact it's them who are dependant and dead without us, not visa versa. So, let's stay calm seeing and hearing all their garbage. It just does't touch anything as it's just all sick nonsense.

The same happen to me. I practice distracted thinking. The moment I recognize I'm having obsessing thoughts about her, I immediately think of something else until it counters her memories. Look at it this way....they arent thinking about you, why bother thinking about them? Besides they are probably spending all their time grooming their next victim because they don't have morals. As long as my ex has new supply to fit between her legs, she is happy.

Same with my girlfriend, her mum is a massive narcissist and my girlfriend only realised how much damage was done to her after she moved out and wasn't exposed to her mum for an extended period of time. Now, years later she's still dealing with it.

You described this perfectly. I feel the exact same way. Like my mom and father cursed me with some sort of psychological virus that’s here for life. I resent them so damn much. Not because of how they treated me, but because I had no choice to absorb it all. I wish I could go back to my childhood with all the info I have now. I also hope this new generation of children having to deal with a narcissist are seeing videos like this to break the cycle early.

My step granddaughter is in my daughter and her father’s custody and her bio mom and grandma are so cruel in hope they tag team work her. Her dad has spent 3 years trying to legally address this after the bio mom refused to even consider a member of her household (stepson) was starting to show inappropriate sexual based attention towards his stepsister when daughter was with bio mom on her weekends access holiday time. It’s heartbreaking that bc bio mom and G’ma are relatively wealthy they are dismissed as abusers and given the legal ability to emotionally destroy a child.

You will never be able to understand that which is not understandable. They think differently and cannot feel emotions such as empathy, love and compassion like normal people. Trying to understand is just wasting your time and prolonging your pain. Just get them out of your life and let go and move on. My mother was bipolar and narcissist.. my father her enabler. They are both dead to me now and my life is finally peaceful

Hello - both my mom and dad were narcissists along with my only sister. I got with a guy who turned into a textbook psychopath but I studied him up close and he doesn’t have this parental instinct just doesn’t have the capability of love. It’s gone I saw it as he let our child jump across roofs of sheds in one of our visits. That was years ago. This year I realized my own mother doesn’t have it either she’s a covert narcissist that made a few comments to me which she knew how I was being treated and she didn’t care. She pretended to be a caring mother then her parents passed away and she went 180 full demon. She doesn’t have it either and I’m floored, 2 months later and I still can find myself crying. It hurts worse than being with a psychopath. And my sister is just like her, if not worse (set up to take her husbands baby which was successful, prevented husbands mother from seeing husband when he was in a coma, evicted that mother when he didn’t recover she had lived with them). Just evilness

That is my thoughts exactly. And they really do not SEE or appreciate you, because they see that they have gained you, only through their manipulation. True love can never exist for them. And this gives them a feeling that they can easily discard you.

It’s what they do best! They never tell the truth or answer a direct question honestly. They are just grown adults with the mentality of a child who never grew up.

Thanks for the confirmation I needed an addition to the other ones of letting go of a friendship. Caught them in a lie about a documented fact of a movie of all things. I'm not Mr Movie Nerd or anything--but it went to show that their commentary about things I was going through were also based on lies like I thought. The funny thing was they tried to cover up a lie with another lie. (So much for the "Everybody lies" line that I grew up with from my dad). It is priceless to have you state something I knew was always wrong. I wondered if I was being oversensitive? But, years of little white lies and then hearing things that sounded like big lies made up on the spot, I ran for the hills from this friendship.

I find narcissists mostly dumb. There are smart ones out there but there are more dumb than smart. Psychopaths/sociopaths on the other hand are wayyyyy smarter. This is what I have experienced so far.

How true, and we'll said.💝

Good for you! When I told my ex-husband he lied about what he believed to get me to marry him because I told him I would never date a said person, he said well you’re stuck (because we both don’t believe in divorce)… I told him I wasn’t stuck and he told me I was stuck 2 more times! 8 months and I left. It’s definitely a demonic spirit… the confusion, disillusion, belittling, deflection, blaming, control… so glad I got out and that I’m healing!! ❤️‍🩹 God has taught me so much even though it was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced!

I was constantly told how ugly I am and then how pretty I am. 🙄

My ex husband told me I was stuck with him 3 times back to back because we both don’t believe in divorce. If we had different opinions about something, he would state his was correct 3 times back to back when I would tell him how I felt. I would just say it’s okay that we feel differently… you will never have a healthy relationship with a narcissist.

Funny you say that. My ex gf use to say that alot. " You're stuck with me". At first I was happy because she is beautiful, funny, good job, no drugs and not a criminal. I don't get women like her ever... Later, I felt it wasn't quite what she meant. I may have low self esteem, but my tolerance for bullcrap works just fine. The mind games wore me down.

I know exactly how you were feeling! I grew up people pleasing. I was taught that women are the care takers, the boo boo fixers, be a good wifey...blah, all bull$hit! Who takes care of me? Who supports me? Now I know it's ME...Now it is, "Bye, bye toxic training of the old days. Give me respect you'll get respect. Be a caring human to me I'll be a caring human back to you. I'm not here to "fix" anyone." I'll stay single before I'll fall into that BS again.

Agree with you...

Exactly. Stop trying to please others, just be an honest person and do and say nice things without expecting an Award or acknowledgement. Do it for your own personal happiness or fulfillment.

I suffer from all of this and struggle daily. Any pointers?

I've done the same thing over and over the years, trying to be understandable, caring ect. and it never gets better, the narcissist just loves to tear people down. I've been Gray Rocking and soul distancing my spouse, what an ass I thought, but it's worse....he's a Narcissist!!! I'm learning what you have learned and it's working, but We do need to find our own happiness away from Narcissist People. I'm 70 and I'm so tried of these crazy narcissist people. I joined a community, and learning what makes me happy. Thank you, I too have learned to play stupid, quite, and walk away too. One thing witch brings my love and joy is being round animals, that's my happiness.🥰

Yes, love this! I cut off communication with my SIL a year ago, FINALLY my husband also took that step yesterday. Such a peaceful feeling, literally and figuratively. His phone isn't blowing up constantly. I could never understand why he tolerated it, he would answer and every time it was wash, rinse, repeat, same conversation, like a hamster in a wheel 🙄

Exactly. I tried to “fix one” or adapt to their behavior for 4 years and it nearly killed me. Absolutely awful people. They never change. Never.

It’s liberating when you do except and move on

❤❤❤❤🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌😊

Same 39 years except mom is real.

Amen to that brother keep that zero-contact going. Stay strong!

Watchnout for. The rage. And tricks they play. Revenge on you for not allowing this

Live for the peace, that’s all that matters. Don’t go back. Look after yourself, you deserve it

So familiar...repeat the same words he just said but in a sickening sweet sing-song way. Are there non-narcissistic people out there?????

If you're having difficulties I'd highly recommend the new course on richardgrannon.com

I'll be back hehe the matrix and the terminator references. Love it. Should help me remember next time I'm dealing with it

Absolutely correct! That describes them to a T! I've experienced that first hand.

Until you are dead....

“It?” If you are calling your narc an it, you are the narcissist.

@@CarmenPerez-kz6rw It's a famous movie quote. And it fits

@shoaib chatta

I, was Raised by a Female Narcissist &, when younger would Always be Attracted to The Male version of Her! Now, living in a Domestic Violence shelter.. Starting, Over on My Healing, Self~Love, Health.. I, KNOW I CAN &, WILL FOCUS ON ME FOR AS LONG AS I NEED. 1, DAY @ A TIME. Thank, you! I, AM STRON💪🏼ER TODAY THAN YESTERDAY. I, am still Healing while they seem to Just Pop-up when I'm Closer to Being Healed from the Last Abuser😢.. &, Try to Drag Me Back To Narcissistic HELL w/ Them! 😳 Facts, EVIL Loves Company... Sending, Healing,💙,💪🏼 &, ✨...

@@isabellableu97 I wasn’t raised by narcissists my mother is gifted she’s an intuitive empath and she sees and senses spirits. She’s also seen and communicated with her father about 4 months after his passing. I also was told about 14 years ago by my mental health counselor that I had extremely empathic abilities and a very strong intuition and sense of perception and that those abilities would get stronger over time. So you could say that I’m an empath who attracted a narcissist and it completely completely sucks. Narcissistis have the ability to make the empath feel extremely sorry for them for any little thing and then we naturally want to help them in any way we possibly can to make it better or make them feel better and they honestly do it completely on purpose and love the attention, love and care you show them and really they get off on it. But if you have a problem they will never show you the same in return- they lack the ability to feel ANY empathy or compassion for anyone. And in fact, will exploit your every weakness of yours to everyone they know and most of the time they do it to hide their own weaknesses. I quit telling my former boyfriend everything after I realized that he was doing that and I couldn’t trust him. After many other mind games and mental, emotional and physical abuse, I sought help and counseling and psychiatric help and again, was told by a different counselor that I was extremely empathetic and I attracted a narcissist and she completely explained why and told me how to deal with him and she helped me start my intense journey of healing from that kind of abuse. The other thing is though, that I had such unconditional love for this man , but as an empath, I also have such an overwhelming urge to constantly help anyone but mostly people close to me and I can’t help the feelings I absorb from them and then the intensity of my own feelings of care and compassion and understanding and I will go completely out of my way even sacrificing my own wellbeing to help them. I can’t exactly explain what it is actually like but you start to realize that it’s not exactly normal when others can’t even return a small favor or give you 5 minutes to talk about your own problems. It all would leave me completely exhausted to the point of fatigue and headaches and I thought something was wrong with my health but at the time nothing was found to be wrong with me. Then I did my own research and found out that is normal for empaths. Not just narcissists but just being around people or a group of people will drain your energy field leaving you exhausted. I have had to resort to seclusion and stopped answering my phone or screening calls and only staying in contact with very few friends who weren’t ones to unload their problems on to me. I have 9 year old twins, a daughter and son, their father is obviously the narcissist and I have set strict boundaries with him both on myself and my kids. And my son has also inherited this gift (or even curse depending on how you look at it) and he is also extremely observant and is way too wise for his years. Him and I are very close both in our ability to understand each other and my understanding and help I offer him when he is struggling with this gift. Him and I are also very connected in our energy fields and when he gets frustrated or upset about anything I instantly get a headache. Anyway, I pray to God that he doesn’t end up attracting a narcissistic girlfriend one day because he’s got such an amazing and gentle heart and way with people including myself and his sister that he’s a prime target to be taken advantage of by a narcissist when he gets older and starts dating. Oh, and in case you were wondering, my father isn’t a narcissist, my parents are actually the best parents anyone could have. They always put the needs and even wants of me and my 4 siblings first, always encouraging us and supporting us in every way possible and in anything we needed be it mentally, emotionally or financially. We weren’t spoiled by any means but we were extremely well taken care of and loved. My father, however, I think has a sort of hard time understanding why I’m overly emotional a lot of times and calls me ‘hypersensitive’. Which, obviously I am, it’s just that he doesn’t really believe in things like sensitives, empaths, clairvoyants, psychics, etc. which is just his opinion and I respect that because he respects me even when I’m ’hypersensitive’ because he immediately wants to fix the problem or situation if I’m crying or showing any sort of negative emotions. And he’s been like that my entire life so obviously our energies are extremely connected and he always knew if I was trying to suppress my emotions and would ask me if I wanted to talk about it. I know that’s normal for parents but he would sometimes know before I would if something was bothering me. Anyway, I’m sorry that you grew up with having a narcissist for a parent, I can’t imagine how difficult it was as well as confusing. But not all of us who attracted narcissists later in life were raised by a narcissist nor do you have to be an empath to attract a narcissist (although it’s extremely common). Let’s not forget that a narcissist can charm even the most intelligent and emotionally strong people. They are very good at hiding their true selves and intentions to the point I call them ‘emotional con artists’. I also believe that once you realize what is actually going on and that you’re not the problem THEY are, and get some counseling, it is possible to break them down piece by piece in such a way that you reverse their mind games and react to them completely opposite to what they are trying to get out of you for their “narcissistic supply”. And once I figured out exactly their game, (which can be extremely hard for an empath because we can not comprehend their behavior since ours is the extreme opposite) responding to it made my narcissist absolutely crazy because no matter what he tried saying or doing, I reacted oppositely, sometimes to the point of being a cold hearted smart ass (that’s how he described it) and I would have to contain myself because I was so good at it I would laugh sometimes hysterically because the dramatic displays that he would put on were absolutely unreal. And he eventually realized that he was no longer getting neither love from me or a flood of emotions (negative or positive depending on the situation) and then that’s how it finally ended. And today, he is actually not doing so well and tries to tell me all the time that he realizes how badly he treated me and completely regrets it and he hasn’t been able to date or even maintain friendships because he knows that his old ways don’t work and he doesn’t really know how to act like a normal person. It’s sad to me but he refuses also to seek any professional help so right there that tells me that he is still in a state of denial that there’s anything wrong with him. And taking him back is definitely not an option because I almost guarantee at some point he will try to go back to his old ways because honestly, that’s all he knows yet he knows it’s wrong but how is he going to change it if he doesn’t want professional help ? And I definitely don’t want to go through that again and since my kids are older now, I don’t want them witnessing that type of behavior and think that it’s ok. Plus, my son is too young to have to go through those confusing and conflicting feelings that a narcissist brings an empath, especially when it’s a loved one much less a parent. I hope I’m doing the right thing in protecting him from that kind of potential treatment from a narcissistic parent. I have made him aware of it and that it’s wrong, but he has a much greater insight than me surprisingly. It has all been a long journey of learning and healing for me and even my kids but it’s also made our bond stronger as a 3 person family. We do include or try to include their father at holidays and other occasions and so far he behaves himself but we still keep him at a distance to protect our own wellbeing and sense of security.

@@allisonm.8497 Ok.. I, hear you. 🌬️💙💙💙... Healing, for Me #1.

I'm a year and a half from seperation from my ex, she has removed our son completely during this time who is now 4, no contact whatsoever, I naively after she threatened me with a domestic violence order that I will tell the authorities about the constant screaming at me in front of him and the 5 times she hit punched scratched pulled my hair, three times in front of our young son, she has manipulated the legal system, made up total lies changed reversed and added to the hitting events and taken no responsibility for her actions, I could go on but I'm now trying to discover if I am also a narcissist whilst dealing with pain of not seeing our son, I mostly fear the emotional suffocation of our son from his possessive mother and what she has said to explain my absence is this my narcissistic personality mourning the loss of my son feeling sorry for myself, I'm very confused and lost, and feel like regardless of family court outcomes our son is lost forever

Yes. My mother. She did that so many times. Gleeful that she'd "gotten me".

Gosh yes. The holding over your head the things they do for you as leverage to silence you when you bring up something unrelated and totally valid. OMG.....if you dare have feelings about anything...boom...I worked so hard for you and this is how you repay me...yep.....and yes....the love bombing....creates the trauma bond. You keep trying to get back to the good stuff...cause you saw it before...so it is real right? Gotta be there somewhere. I noticed I slowly got less and less emojis with hearts or kisses or hugs and then at some point realized I was initiating most of the contact...but he would act offended if I finally sat back for a few days to let him take his turn...then I was ignoring him according to his theory....sigh...really hard stuff to get your mind around and it is like boiling the frog....the change happens so darn slowly that it takes a while to realize what has happened.

My God - that's so eye opening. My bf is the same; the emotionally neglected child and then the saviour in all of his relationships. Except for ours; I'm saving his a** right now because he's so fucked up; but don't you think he's ever done anything for me EVER

This makes me feel much less crazy. Lol No one has had it as bad as him *48 min of the victim story later* It hurts him to be so caring, though! Hahahaha

Incredible isn’t it but I know when / if these people die I will feel the same.

My mother drove me to almost suicide at the age of 13. She tried everything in the book to make me feel crazy, gaslighted me always. A monster.

Abuse lie deny rinse repeat. I felt nothing when my narc mum died, not happy or sad. They are selfish to core and don't care how much pain or damage they do to small children. It's hard work to undo psychological trauma but working on it

Oh that statement I know it well. I have the type of mind that I remember words exactly as they are said, I see the words in my mind....great for school bad for relationships. I have hear you misheard me since I was a child. It has moved from my mother, to my ex husband, and now the piece of work that just dropped our 8yr relationship, including engagement, in the trash. They are all narcissistic and this last one I completely missed. Thank goodness for KZfaq and videos like these. Not only do I not feel alone right now....I am learning how to not "mishear" ever again.

They say "you must have misinterpreted me" while in another breath accuse you of an intention or motive you never had. They will take your words and prove how malicious you are when, in fact, your words were innocuous and the intent was NOT what they say it was. So when you then say, "you must have misinterpreted me" they will smile inside.

Well Satan and his minions have been around much longer than us. Read in the Bible how they tried to trick manipulate and gaslight Jesus himself

All of his videos are straight up, thankyou again ✌️

Sam Vaknin on KZfaq is fantastic on NPD!

@@sparkoflight963 yes I am following him too! Thank you!!

💯🎯

Yup! I agree. This one is a complete breakdown.

Totally agree 👍🏼

Makes sense good to know time to love me more and put God first

I carry alot of guilt from leaving my marriage then carrying it into my new relationship. Once I was guilt tripped, and blame shifted from my narcissist it felt like I was losing my mind. Never knew I was so deeply wounded.

That's what iam trying to do 😢

Yes absolutely true your mentle health is more important Catherine,

yes.

I'm at point 5 finally after a year of absolute hell. Now I'm trying to focus on my own healing but still have hope he'll "wake up." Ughhh

Ooohhhh.... I get it.

Borderline can be considered "thin-skinned narcissism". The problem with Borderline is this: The guy who created it, Otto Kernberg (a genius!) says that there is a personality structure called Borderline Personality Organisational Structure (BPOS), and this structure basically runs through all of Cluster B. In the case of NPD, they started off with BPOS, and then built a Narcissistic Personality Organisational Structure (NPOS). When NPOS regresses, you get BPOS again. This makes sense, because (according to Sam Vaknin), developmentally, the child tries a Borderline Solution first, and if that fails, he tries a Narcissistic Solution second. It's easy to think of BPD and NPD as being two totally different constructs, but they're actually closely related, and lying underneath every NPD, is a BPD. And just to confuse you even more, all of Cluster B is bullshit for the reasons outlined above: BPOS effectively runs through all of it, and there is too much comorbidity (overlap) between the constructs. Forget the DSM.

@@rfwoolf Yeah all of that makes sense to me.

@@rfwoolf clearly you're a narcissist deflecting yourself. Get a life!

Borderline what? That's offensive in itself.

Mine too. I know I have no choice, but I know after watching this I have to give up hope for my own sanity.

I can all but guarantee you are the issue here, not your children

Same 😩

Same here. No contact = self preservation

Me too. I was even victim of parent alienation by my narc ex and own mother they turned my own sons against me. I think they are now becoming narcissistic themselves 😢I only pray they see the light. But I need to take care of my own self

((Hugs)) in the same boat, you are not alone. Hang in there and learn as much as you can because then you will learn how to not allow them to trigger you or hurt you.

I know ❤

This too was my story

When mine divorced me he told me I wasn't a good Christian wife but his mistress was.

Same! Left 3 years ago

Wow,.. how have you survived, I dumped my narcissist g/f after 2 years of dating. It took months to start to heal and get back to myself and not worry about her. I dodged a bullet and if not for channels like these I would've been lost and probably back with her in her web of games. Free yourself. Wishing you all the best. 🙃

@@shinobi1x I'm still trying to survive the marriage. Unfortunately I'm not financially independent, I also have a son with ASD&ADHD, plus my own health issues, I don't see a way out of this life.

​@@viviankang aw all the love and luck in the world. 🙏🏻💙

@@viviankang I am in a relationship with one for 16 years now. I started realising he was a narc a few years ago, with the birth of our son it became more clear who he realy was. We both work fulltime, so I have MY life when I’m not with him. When I’m with him I go blank, try not to go where he wants me to go emotionaly. I’ve been thinking a lot of leaving him, but I am scared to co-parent with him. I am trying to hang on till my Son is old enough to see the truth about his father.

So true My ex ,who definitely is a narc, used to say to me ,that at work sometimes he acts like he is stupid,, so people talk to him explaining and opening up to him. Playing a victim of the world at the same time. I didn't know then anything about narcissistic personality . Hmmm 10 years of being manipulated took turn to end it. In some ways I was happy it all ended ,because I felt like I was becoming different person that I didn't like . And to wait to have mature conversation about relationship ,feelings it was a joke. Never serious always some bringing back my ex ,or threatening to go, or go back to be friends if I dont like what he was doing wrong . Seeing oyhere woman behind my back. And he will say "only Jesus was perfect " I'm glad I'm out of it. It was hard to get used to this new peace, that was so strange to me. Time heals and faith in God helped me enormously.

Triangulation .. bringing in a third party.

100%

@@victoriatodd9358 Or 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th party and so on... such as moving their whole family to live with you (full of narcissists and where the behavior came from)

Yep!!!!! 100%!! Don’t waste your time or energy!

Dr Todd grande on face book does some great videos and opened my eyes way to late. Learn learn learn and you might be able to save yourself

Exactly! I knew within my relationship there was gaslighting and narcissistic traits, but to put a name on THIS is very important. THIS exact thing happened in my relationship constantly. It makes me mad how many times we argued. The more we argued, the more ammo they were getting. Once you finally stop giving a shit about the relationship, they lose their control, and suddenly they disappear, don’t want to see you, and start dating someone new before you even realized what the hell happened. VERY true story. Happened to me. After 2.5 years.

Pls help I'm going through this hurt

And they have a way to make everyone think I’m mean and crazy.

I think the game comes so naturally for them that they don't even see it for what it truly is

My ex had an 8 year old son. There were times she talked to me like her son. I reminded her that it wasn't appropriate because it made me feel small. She didn't quite understand. She only knows one mode, " the mother role" because of her control issues.

But do it quietly

I’m trying

My little fantasy that I had to give up hope on was a close relationship with my only child. Especially hard when you once had a beautiful relationship.

I couldn’t pretend along with him that he didn’t sexually abuse me anymore. Everytime I saw him or let my young kids see him, I was betraying myself and putting them in danger. Enough, just enough.

Exactly what i went through.

Yep its always a useless effort to try to salvage any kind of relationship with a narcissist, tigers don't change their stripes and the games are played to constantly shore up their insecurities and there's also an entertainment value in it for them, in fact, the entertainment value often is the higher priority than whatever they're trying to manipulate you into doing for them or with them. Also its never a good idea to share your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, such a past trauma, etc, with anyone, even people who aren't narcissistic who can unknowingly weaponize stuff like that against you.....people are vampires, almost everyone except extreme introverts that don't require any or very little external validation. So its best to develop a good strong, healthy internal monologue to help you through the rough patches, or a good therapist if need be.

Amen 🎯

OMG yes...his insight is so incredible. No one understood when I left my Narcissist I felt pure anguish . I felt like a mother abandoning her child ! No other professional in this field ever hit on this. It's so real!

I guess that explains why I still love him.

@@kindGSL I guess when we are in that stage of ' still loving ' is when we don't want to see ourselves as someone who doesn't love and the truth for me was I didn't Love Myself, when I got that right all the crap fell away aswell as the Narc.

I was an orphan also. I’ve been married to a narc for a while now. I finally broke free for the most part. I think orphans are easy to manipulate.. at least I was. So eager to please and trying to get that love I’ve always needed.

@@bananafanalll6651 I'm so sorry you got a bad one [ narc ] They see us as easy marks for extraction of love and resources , in my case he lied about being abused as a kid to " mirror" me ,turned out he was quite adored and spoiled by many family members . I'm out a year now, I wish you the best on breaking free and healing , we are so strong because we had nobody !!!!❤🤗🌷🌷🌷🥰🙏

This was pitty play and they know we cannot see them suffer and we don't want them to suffer of abondonment.

Very well said.

One of the best comments I’ve read in regards to setting a narcissist out on their own….”setting a wounded puppy out on the curb”. That’s exactly how they manipulate you to feel. Thank you and I wish you a healthy relationship in the future. Be careful.

Agreed. Plus a Dr named Grande is perfect lol

@@missy5513 If you've had a bad personal experience with Mr. Grannon- and you haven't spoken with him about it, perhaps you should.

That video he did was from quite a long time ago. When Richard was still figuring himself out. Richard has personal experience like we all do, but then has education and knowledge from connecting with Sam Vaknin and others.

@@missy5513 well then cast the first stone

This dr. Grande dude gives his attention on the subjects of criminals and other types with a twisted mind. I went to the comments once and people felt so grateful for the new crimes discussed and how they got fun times coming while watching. My heart sunk that day, also, the sheer amount of superficial, popcorn type of content he produces is quite prolific. I think it pays good bucks but I can't find true value in what he produces, it is detrimental to any type of healing process. Over time I've seen and felt the growth of Richard and implicitly my own transformation and there's always room for improvement. At least I'm choosing the type of content that helps me learn how to set right values, intentions and boundaries.

Absolutely, but I think I mostly feel guilt and shame over abandoning the person who needed me even more, myself…again. I want to develop the willingness and comfort of following my intuition and prioritizing my wellbeing as naturally as I have met the needs of others. I tolerate too much for too long…quietly. My rage is turned inward….until it isn’t. Etc etc.

My relationship ist over a few days ago and I feel absolutely like you have written....This chewing guilt of going out of the door and dont want to come back....

No Guilt. They are the embodiment of SATAN! Get out and away from all the flying monkeys too. Leave but don’t tell them… too dangerous.

What I feel right now I'm thinking about leaving but when I start planing I cry he is all I got and all he has.

@@eromicafrancisco5477 make room for better, love.

My reality 😢

OP, what you just described was my entire 14 year relationship+marriage to my now ex-wife. I was the one (male) constantly apologizing and having to deal with somebody that was on the maturity level of teenager. She never listened. She constantly blamed me for............being me. She would walk away from disagreements and NEVER try to work together to solve them. I cannot believe how utterly stupid I was all those years. With time and distance from my marriage (divorce was final 4/2021), I have seen a lot of bad stuff that was not apparent to me, in the last year. But you really struck me with sentence "I ended up apologizing EVERY SINGLE TIME!" YES, that is how these relationships can go. Once you begin to gain maturity on a partner that does this, they do everything in their power to keep you down, to diminish your agency (free will) and to break you. She did break me...................I let her break me is the worst part. Thankfully we never had kids. That would have been a disaster! I am still dealing with my own grief over 14 years of mostly shit! I have put her out of my life forever and moved on in many ways. These people damage a person though. They do it and they don't care about what they did. Great video here.

😢 so I adios recorded my BFF while I was out n I hear sex sounds and asked him if he was watching porn when I went out for like 10 mins and he denied it I tell him I had left the window open and heard him and he continued to deny and change the subject. Is that something I should be concerned about.? Or am I just in my head (I also have bpd so I'm always afraid that I'm not good enough.)

I feel you ❤ i hope you are better

I finally felt the necessary compassion for my mother-in-law

Same situation. So hard. Hugs 🤗

😢 if it's your children it would hurt so much more. I'm so sorry 😔

It is so hard when it is your adult child. She has control of the grandchildren and what they think while they still live at home. My daughter quit talking to me for 2 years. Out of the blue she decided to come back into my life. One year later, she pulled the plug again. I have learned a lot during the 1st time she cut me out. It has saved me some agony identifying the problem, learning how to react to the problem, and trying to learn how to accept it as best possible. Knowledge is power!

Richard has clarified much for me also - I believe God allowed me to find him after my first and severe 'connection' with a covert narc - the confusion and manipulation were intense. Richard helped the light shine through and I began to see this person's narc mask start to crack. When that happens you're on your way to freedom - as long as you don't allow them to suck you back in!

Also, destroy the shared fantasy with the original narcissist, the parent, give up hope that they will ever care about you. Abandon them. If not, you will keep looking for people to fill that 'parent' role, no one who already has a parent, needs a parent.

Bingo. A powerful needed concept.

This hit home in major ways, deeply and thoroughly. The things they do are simple, yet Richard explains this eloquently and fully, in every minute detail. This is exactly what happened in my last relationship, without a single box being unchecked or a single thread left unaddressed.

Yes because there is so much about a person that attracts the dark people, and it's not at all healthy. I remember the same realization, after 2-3 years of concentrating on and obsessing about what they were.

Yep

Yes! Roommate who is also a family member, started the gaslighting a few years ago by leaving banana peels on the floor, on the arm of the couch and next, draped over top of a fan!? ..not to mention telling me that i have mental issues, plus more and adding up fast. 😞 Now i’m starting to understand what the hell is going on thanks to KZfaq videos/comments, what this is all about. The saving grace is knowing i’m not alone and i will get through this.

Yes - that's the narc's 'sense of entitlement' - to have access to you whenever their ego or 'needs' dictate they want to, and it's SICKENING. And they will twist even the most innocent discussions or comments to cause your destruction - bit by bit. Evil indeed.

@@imasmurfy1 It took me 12 years to realize what was going on. It all made so much sense once my eyes were opened. I almost didn’t make it out alive. Keep learning and it will get better. Hope things get better for you

Exactly. My ex would trash my bathroom from cleaning up after sex. I made a joke about it one day and she never wanted to come back over again. Funny thing, she always kept her bathroom spotless. Double standard I guess?