The Truth About Breakups

  Рет қаралды 73,159

Shan BOODY

Shan BOODY

Күн бұрын

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The science of breakups
The science of falling in love
pair bonds
ex obsession
I can't get over my ex
How to stop thinking about your ex
How to heal your heart
5 steps to a better breakup
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Shan Boodram is an intimacy expert who has spent the past 15 years discussing sex, relationships and attachment on the Internet and in the media. Boodram has 70 million KZfaq views and has served as an expert on projects on all major streaming/ TV networks (Netflix, Hulu, ABC, Fox) and has had write ups in The New York Times, Forbes and Time Magazine. Boodram is a best-selling author with her book The Game of Desire and was the host + EP of Quibi’s #1 daily show, Sexology with Shan Boodram. She is now serving as Andy Cohen’s co-host on ABC Peacock’s new dating show, Ex-Rated airing this fall.
Boodram is an ambassador for AIDS Healthcare Foundation and WomensHealth.gov + a member of the American Sexual Health Association. Boodram is a certified sexologist with a B.A. in psychology and a diploma in print journalism. She lives in Los Angeles with her daughter Ryu and her husband Jared Brady. Boodram is proudly represented by ICM and Two West Entertainment..

Пікірлер: 266
@christinabeck9316
@christinabeck9316 3 жыл бұрын
We tend to romanticize people we lose. I believe in writing a list off all of the negative things about the relationship and pulling it out anytime you feel your heart hurt. Also, I try to override my brain. We often like to wallow. I allow myself finite time to wallow. After that, I’ll have 2 or 3 things I can “go to” to think about. Actively stop yourself from wallowing uselessly.
@n4musica
@n4musica 2 жыл бұрын
I have only had one long term relationship (which ended up being the reason I am not in another. Waiting for someone who won’t make me miserable 😂) But that’s the one thing I applaud young me on. I handled that break up and moved on very well by giving myself a week to fully wallow. And I WALLOWED. By the end of the week I felt all cried out and actually less heart achy. It was a lot easier to think more clearly after that week.
@tiam6372
@tiam6372 3 жыл бұрын
I was so distracted by the set up and impressed by the acting that i stopped listening 😂
@aastriagathings6536
@aastriagathings6536 3 жыл бұрын
Me too!!😂
@EricaGlamouredUpXo
@EricaGlamouredUpXo 3 жыл бұрын
Same lol
@michellelucero6654
@michellelucero6654 3 жыл бұрын
Me too, watched three times already. Lol
@Vivi-Price
@Vivi-Price 3 жыл бұрын
I feel like this video can also be for break-up’s that aren’t intimate like friendships because I remember one my hardest heartbreaks were from an ex friend and it hurt just as much or even more than an intimate breakup. So I feel like these steps and this video can be for all kinds of breakups; professionally, platonically, and of course intimately. I loved when you said “We can be enriched by our past, not dragged down by our past”. This statement stuck out to me. I love your videos, you’re my favorite educator online and I can’t wait to see the next topic 💕
@ayseclaireignalinegatore9273
@ayseclaireignalinegatore9273 3 жыл бұрын
I went to the same thing and it hurted me .I feel like break up from friends are more hurtful than romantic relationships breakups
@PfEMP
@PfEMP 3 жыл бұрын
100%. I had a friend breakup a long time ago and I really recognised my behaviour in what Shan #1 was describing.
@ahuman7063
@ahuman7063 3 жыл бұрын
Shan’s random genuine smiles throughout the video as she’s ‘listening’ to the other Shan is so beautiful it makes me smile
@tamialuster4666
@tamialuster4666 3 жыл бұрын
That "I need you to end this pain for me" thing is what kept my last relationship going for way longer than it needed to
@sweetbianca8258
@sweetbianca8258 3 жыл бұрын
Hello dear I recommend you to Dr olworo who helped me bring back my ex after many months of sepreation
@sweetbianca8258
@sweetbianca8258 3 жыл бұрын
Contact him on WhatsApp no
@sweetbianca8258
@sweetbianca8258 3 жыл бұрын
+2348165010822
@ruthfariyibi
@ruthfariyibi 3 жыл бұрын
Shan this freaked me out because I was thinking about my ex again and this video just popped up… you’re amazing and thank you so much for this video.
@SheDIDthatWJ
@SheDIDthatWJ 3 жыл бұрын
Girl... yes. Right on time to stop me from doing something dumb. Smh..
@msrdrizzy424
@msrdrizzy424 3 жыл бұрын
Not me watching this video while texting with my ex. 🥴
@damondominique
@damondominique 3 жыл бұрын
when did you get the rights to my life story, shan boody?
@TheNinjapancake14
@TheNinjapancake14 3 жыл бұрын
Truly, calling us all out
@blackknightfool
@blackknightfool 3 жыл бұрын
Because she's LGBT
@jjbrackets6731
@jjbrackets6731 2 жыл бұрын
Omg please collab!!
@jjaredzz
@jjaredzz 3 жыл бұрын
The statement about stalking social media and seeing and idolized version of your ex vs. what y’all’s relationship actually was…. SHAN!!!!! 🤯
@mystify23
@mystify23 3 жыл бұрын
What a timing! Just going though breakup. I’d say I’m on the stage number two - withdrawal and protest. So god damn hard to make yourself stop seeing this person as your safe and comfort “space” 😔
@stephaniec.6636
@stephaniec.6636 3 жыл бұрын
Broke up with my ex at the end of last year, and I'm still in that stage! Dreamt about him last night. 😭 It's so hard - but we'll get through it... ❤️
@bieberlicious643
@bieberlicious643 3 жыл бұрын
The science of feelings can be so helpful! Sometimes you can feel so out of control, and not understand why these thoughts are occuring. Thank you for this breakdown Shan!
@shanboody
@shanboody 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for being here Bre
@Jess-TheMess
@Jess-TheMess 3 жыл бұрын
It's almost been a year and I still get panic attacks when I think about her to much😭 Thank you for this
@aurielove9177
@aurielove9177 3 жыл бұрын
Hi Jessica I just wanted to say that time does help to heal our wounds. It took me two years to fully heal from my last relationship. On top of everything I struggle with mental health and right after the breakup I called to set up an appointment with a therapist. Therapy has played a huge part in my healing process. It’s a process it takes time everyone is different. Be patient and kind to yourself. You won’t feel this way forever.
@Jess-TheMess
@Jess-TheMess 3 жыл бұрын
@@aurielove9177 😭thank you so much I struggle with BPD and relationships are so hard especially ending Thank you for your words💜
@ashleysartattack5600
@ashleysartattack5600 3 жыл бұрын
@@Jess-TheMess same. I have bpd snd just went through a breakup 2 weeks ago. So I’m devastated now. And I still wasn’t really over the last one from over a year ago either.
@Jess-TheMess
@Jess-TheMess 3 жыл бұрын
@@ashleysartattack5600 it's so hard I know🥺
@janetarroyo2081
@janetarroyo2081 3 жыл бұрын
I watched this three times. Once to just get exposed to the information, again to take notes, and lastly to fully take in the information and see how I can apply it to my healing. Thank you so much for this! Sent it off to a few people that I know who could benefit from this.
@kendranavaxv
@kendranavaxv 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for normalizing heartbreak and all the bodily pain and mess that comes with it! Heartbreak happens in more ways than just romantic-relationships, I will def be showing my step-daughter this. She’s 14 and entering HS and I hope she can know that she can make it through some of the terrible times in your late teens!
@Dartagnan010
@Dartagnan010 3 жыл бұрын
This came exactly when I needed it, it's insane! I was stuck in that ''thinking it's destiny'' spot, where they started showing up everywhere in my life again, in my dreams, etc. and I started to think that maybe it was my brain and the Universe telling me to go back, but now I see that it's just a natural reaction to truly letting go. Thank you Shan ✨
@Beautyandthebeadz
@Beautyandthebeadz 3 жыл бұрын
I just got into a new relationship and im scared of the possibility of a future heartbreak! So this vid is perfect timing
@Lauraherm
@Lauraherm 3 жыл бұрын
Same!
@dudiheadz
@dudiheadz 3 жыл бұрын
Ohhhhhh therapy helping you get through the tungsten chain is a hard bar. These are the kinda conversations I have with myself after a blunt. Shan is absolutely a kindred spirit. Love this channel.
@shanboody
@shanboody 3 жыл бұрын
🤣😍
@SweettCurls
@SweettCurls 3 жыл бұрын
I realized I deal with breakups/friendship breakups using unprocessed grief. Never knew there was a word for it until now.
@formerlyfoote3380
@formerlyfoote3380 3 жыл бұрын
Dr. Shannon, you deserve an award for this one. I don't know from who or where but you deserve high recognition for this on!
@angelle_rose
@angelle_rose 3 жыл бұрын
Recently had an ex come reach out to me. I had worked so hard to get over him, stopped talking to them, deleted their number and unfollowed them on all social media platforms. I was in a place where I was happy to move on but after hearing from them it has got me confused again. It's so frustrating. 😔
@ladyt9000
@ladyt9000 3 жыл бұрын
I was like that for a moment but I remember the colors he showed me towards the end. He can keep that personality for someone else. I was kinda responding but I let him know that his behavior was cruel and said “goodbye” at the end of my message
@lisaariottiart
@lisaariottiart 3 жыл бұрын
Narcs always come back
@NydiaTwitty
@NydiaTwitty 3 жыл бұрын
One of my biggest regrets after breakups is impulsively deleting our text threads. For one I just deleted a lot of great “noods” that I can recycle 🥴 , but also just deleted the great [AND not so great] conversations that could possibly help navigate my coping and recovery process.
@angellovex5860
@angellovex5860 3 жыл бұрын
Girl lately you've been PUMPING content but I'm living for it. Also, give Rayu a big kiss, I hope she is well and happy❤
@astrid4life1
@astrid4life1 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you soo much for this video, it was truly needed.
@purepsyc
@purepsyc 3 жыл бұрын
I clicked so fast. Wish I had this last year July. Coming up on a year and I swear my hurt still consumes me. I’m also grateful for the 10% off better help. I downloaded the app but losing work in the beginning of the pandemic made me have to put therapy on the back burner.
@Sophie-cq8dx
@Sophie-cq8dx 3 жыл бұрын
It helps so much to see someone else not being over a breakup 1 year later. I thought I was alone. Thank you
@419krazy
@419krazy 3 жыл бұрын
Same!
@melissaruiz3768
@melissaruiz3768 3 жыл бұрын
I'm currently going through a breakup with someone who ive been on/off again for the past what, like four years? I didn't talk to him all of last year and then in April I contacted him again and we tried rekindling but he's still the same person and I am too and together we just don't work. I think there might be a real deep love there but we just can't ever move past our differences or other issues. So now im trying to committing to moving on.. for real this time but its so hard and so painful. To me, he's my person. I am deeply hurt. I love him... I just know its over but I don't want to accept it. I have been stalking him online to see what he's doing and its so painful... im saying too much lol. I just had to vent :/ thanks for a good video Shan, ill come back and rewatch when I need to hear your advice again.
@Fay1106
@Fay1106 3 жыл бұрын
Going through the same thing girl
@jennrdh15
@jennrdh15 3 жыл бұрын
Going through the same.
@laurena5165
@laurena5165 3 жыл бұрын
I’m going through the same, separating from someone I love deeply but we just have had too many challenges and don’t work well. We were always unable to navigate hard times and conflicts and things ended pretty badly. It’s just too hard to accept this person isn’t mine anymore when I love him so much. It’s too painful 😭 I truly hope we get through it and come out better.
@poptart7118
@poptart7118 3 жыл бұрын
This video also makes me question the mind of the person who initiates the breakup (whether platonic or romantic). I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum in friendships and relationships, and I’m wondering if you experience these things differently when you are the one who chose to end the relationship. I know for me there’s a ton of guilt associated with it, especially when you reminisce on the good times and feel bad about causing a former loved one pain. But also knowing it’s the right decision for you to no longer engage with that person. Great video as always Shan!!
@jamilaellis1328
@jamilaellis1328 3 жыл бұрын
Yes my guilt is the worst part of my breakup cause I caused alot of pain. Someone told me that I have to forgive myself, still trying
@warmcozy
@warmcozy 3 жыл бұрын
Because I've been through heartbreak myself, I feel no guilt when breaking up with someone because I know that it has to hurt at first but it passes and is only temporary and they will be OK.
@WoahhTeamJacob
@WoahhTeamJacob 3 жыл бұрын
I really needed this video. Thank you for all that you do for us viewers
@onlyaliciamichelle4313
@onlyaliciamichelle4313 3 жыл бұрын
Always dropping the best videos when we need them!!! ❤❤❤
@niarose3097
@niarose3097 3 жыл бұрын
This is exactly what I needed to hear . Perfect timing thank you!
@sunnylove3127
@sunnylove3127 3 жыл бұрын
Wow, what a great way to explain this to those who need it most. Amazing content! I am absolutely thankful for this! 🤍
@OyayoTheStorm
@OyayoTheStorm 3 жыл бұрын
Thanks for this. I'm still healing from one heartbreak and recently dealing with another. This was beyond needed
@ellemillz2881
@ellemillz2881 3 жыл бұрын
lol I needed this video a long time ago. Better late than never!! Love this vid
@anol4590
@anol4590 3 жыл бұрын
I just processed the end of my first serious relationship and I’ve been feeling like I’m navigating relationships in such a smart strategic way cause I watch your content. I avoid situations w love bombing, I give myself room to process the end of relationships, this really is helping to make up for some of the things i believe I would’ve learned had my dad been around idk
@selynasteriska
@selynasteriska 3 жыл бұрын
I've seen many videos about break-ups and this one is probably the most insightful and less obvious. Nice job and thanks!
@BeautyIsInU
@BeautyIsInU 3 жыл бұрын
When the content just come up on at the right time! Thank you universe and Shan!! 🙌🏼💕
@azucenavarin4504
@azucenavarin4504 3 жыл бұрын
The timing of this video couldn’t be more scary but perfect for me 😖 thank you 🙏🏼
@vm3249
@vm3249 3 жыл бұрын
This explains so much! Thank you for doing what you do 😘
@McWendyz
@McWendyz 3 жыл бұрын
Soooo helpful!!! Thanks Shan for this well thought-out breakdown! 🙌 🙌 🙌
@mayyamihaylova1123
@mayyamihaylova1123 3 жыл бұрын
The growth this woman went through ! Always impressed! I’m in awe with you Shan!
@botlhaleklassen4091
@botlhaleklassen4091 3 жыл бұрын
Wow. I've listened to so many podcasts about break ups and this is BY FAR the most useful information I have gotten. Thanks Shan!
@gabbyglover8220
@gabbyglover8220 3 жыл бұрын
You’ll never know how much I needed this today. Love you Shan!
@michelleg9781
@michelleg9781 3 жыл бұрын
This is such a helpful framework! Thanks for sharing
@LetsRapPodcast
@LetsRapPodcast 3 жыл бұрын
Completely agree and i can say it stunted and stopped my progress to move forward even today as a man still tough i want to help our brothers get over this this helped so much thank you so much definitely subscribing.
@pbjt2396
@pbjt2396 3 жыл бұрын
I am absolutely loving your content you keep blessing us with Shan!! So proud of you and how far you've come too, and I'm proud to be inspired by you! Thank you so much for sharing all your wisdom with us! It is so much more important than you will ever know. Lots and lots of love! xxx
@Thatsmrladytoyou
@Thatsmrladytoyou 3 жыл бұрын
This video is incredible!! My mind was blown over and over again. I'm waiting for my divorce papers to finish processing and WOW. This was such a revelation
@marysamson9228
@marysamson9228 3 жыл бұрын
I REALLY NEEDED THIS, ITS BEEN YEARS. IM STILL HURT, PAIN, N MAD. Im more mad at myself cause I'm still not over her.
@faigelable
@faigelable 2 жыл бұрын
That was such a strong ending. I really appreciated that. Thank you Shan!
@emeraldb4788
@emeraldb4788 3 жыл бұрын
You are ALWAYS giving what needs to be gave!!!!❤️ All the love to you Shan
@esk2006
@esk2006 3 жыл бұрын
The editing on this 😍😍💥💥💥💯 ..the fact that you were amused/engaged by your own answers.. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
@chelseab5467
@chelseab5467 2 жыл бұрын
I'm going through a friend break up and I can see this advice helping. Thank you Shan BOODY!!
@ronnymesias7788
@ronnymesias7788 3 жыл бұрын
Appreciate you diving into this topic! It’s definitely helpful and came at the right time. A important relationship ended way more then a year ago and on the day to day basis I’m good and am not thinking about it since I feel like I moved on. But at night on a weekly basis I be having dreams that were starting to confuse and annoy me.
@kasiface
@kasiface 3 жыл бұрын
i shed a couple tears because this video confirmed for me a bond i’d hoped wasn’t ended very much is. BUT! by the end of the video i was very enlightened & hopeful. Thanks Shan! xo
@Jen-qb8kw
@Jen-qb8kw 3 жыл бұрын
I’m freshly dealing with a breakup and this video was right on time to help me figure out why I still had desires to be with this person even though I was the one to walk away due to no longer feeling we were compatibility. I have better understanding now on how they were my go to person but also the major stressor so my mind is wanting to keep that primary connection around. Thank you so much for this!! It was greatly needed❤️
@sofiak4380
@sofiak4380 3 жыл бұрын
This video is everything!!! When people look up how to get over a breakup this is deffo the video for them. Ryu is so blessed to have such intelligent and inspirational parents🤍
@christtinaappel
@christtinaappel 3 жыл бұрын
literally every minute of this video is a gem tfff
@emilyplante2962
@emilyplante2962 3 жыл бұрын
This is amazing . I love your work and you’ve given me so much needed advice 👏🏽
@WhitneyUwandu
@WhitneyUwandu 3 жыл бұрын
Shan.... I love you so sooo much for this THANK YOU WOW ❤️ appreciate all that you do for the world truly!!!
@YovaniBinuelo
@YovaniBinuelo 3 жыл бұрын
My mind was already blown @5:51. I’m a jknews fan and recently saw you on the roommates and I can only say your essence is bliss. I’m embarrassed to admit to people that there are still ties that have never been cut with my high school sweetheart. I’ve attempted to learn everything I could on why it has been and why I’m like this so it is soo relieving when other people can put it into words. Hope to hear me ❤️‍🩹🤞🏽
@gloryanneromero4076
@gloryanneromero4076 3 жыл бұрын
Shan, I have been a follower of your content for a long time now & I want to thank you for staying true to the information you provide for us & for the transparency too. That smile we got to witness when you saw Ryu was heart-warming in between such a deep conversation, it was a nice moment. Thank you for not editing it out.
@dudiheadz
@dudiheadz 3 жыл бұрын
This is a great reminder of why I love psychology. Amazing video 💯
@moniaashibi
@moniaashibi 2 жыл бұрын
Amazingly put, thank you so much!
@bekahpollard7825
@bekahpollard7825 3 жыл бұрын
Your analogies are always so spot on. Your ability to explain sex and relationship topics in a relatable way is incredible. Thanks for the work you do!!
@lm4936
@lm4936 2 жыл бұрын
This was such valuable information, Shan. I particularly liked the science-based explanations and I’m able to see how the other party may have gone through some of these phases too. It’s a year and a bit out from our breakup after a 4-year relationship, so I’d say I’m now experiencing the “Awakening” phase. What I did to get me through was to cut ties immediately (once I knew a breakup was imminent) and try to heal by self-publishing a book of poetry based mostly on betrayal. Not only did I have plenty of raw material to write with, but with never having attempted something like this before, I was completely focused on the process of tackling everything: writing, editing, cover design, and formatting. I can’t tell you what a godsend it was to be so engrossed in something else -- especially while by myself during a pandemic. I went through “Untangling the Tungsten Chain” during the writing process when one day I’d feel confident to move on, followed by a deep yearning to be with the person all over again. Back and forth, back and forth for some time before eventually reconnecting with my original self -- yet a better self from having gone through this experience. Thanks for your excellent content!
@luving11life
@luving11life 3 жыл бұрын
I needed this. Thanks Shan!!
@justcarinaily
@justcarinaily 3 жыл бұрын
It’s been three years and to finally say and feel that I am in the awakening stage feels so freeing. I’m proud of myself for the work I’ve done. Because of you Shan I have been able to really be intentional in this work of getting over my ex. I truly thank you!
@elicalopes8404
@elicalopes8404 3 жыл бұрын
I needed this!!
@jamilaellis1328
@jamilaellis1328 3 жыл бұрын
I'm on the prolonged phase, it's been two years still suffering, this really helped, thank you🙏
@chelevarner
@chelevarner 2 жыл бұрын
Wow. This is great ❤️ thank you so much Shan
@anavalentines8152
@anavalentines8152 3 жыл бұрын
I feel like i should have paid to head this😂 You could not have posted this video at a more perfect time. Listening on repeat🤞🏽
@brittanyedwards8862
@brittanyedwards8862 3 жыл бұрын
This video is amazing and so helpful Shan. I’m struggling to get over someone, and now you’ve validated all the things I’m doing to avoid them-and gave me the motivation to not check his socials for another day 😌 what you said about it being a highlight reel is so GOOD. this man is such a positive, enlightened figure on SM, yet not so much in real life. Missed this set up! Also, would love to know if you’re just staring into space when you’re “listening”?? 😂
@EayuProuxm
@EayuProuxm 3 жыл бұрын
Shan's metaphors were on point in this video. Also, this should be essential viewing for everyone about to enter and leaving a relationship.
@1inalifetime
@1inalifetime 3 жыл бұрын
💎 Great information and Jared Timing is 🔥 🔥 his playlist is a vibe he’s underrated fo sho
@stacigross7422
@stacigross7422 3 жыл бұрын
This is amazing. Just... thank you!
@kesteesphiri3455
@kesteesphiri3455 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you I needed this today
@glasscoughs1975
@glasscoughs1975 2 жыл бұрын
This is one of the best videos on breakups I have watched
@aurielove9177
@aurielove9177 3 жыл бұрын
Shan thank you so much. You inspire me. I’m starting University in the fall and I hope to help people just like you do every single day. So grateful for you advice and knowledge. So empowering and I’m so thankful for you.
@ctalley9667
@ctalley9667 3 жыл бұрын
Best of luck with school! 😊
@nicqueen125
@nicqueen125 3 жыл бұрын
Lovely orange shirt🧡🧡🧡
@eiramellocin
@eiramellocin 3 жыл бұрын
great video overall! i loved the production and information. thank you as i really needed to hear this ❤️
@yungalpha7637
@yungalpha7637 3 жыл бұрын
I really needed this today thank you
@TheAnaheim98
@TheAnaheim98 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this video!
@aali98andall
@aali98andall 3 жыл бұрын
Whooo shan coming through with the gemss ❤️❤️❤️💯
@tatyana2957
@tatyana2957 2 ай бұрын
Shannon, you have no idea how much I needed this. I just broke up with my bf of 2.5 yrs and 3 weeks later i found out he's basically in another relationship even though we said we would take time and communicate if we were to move on to someone new because we didn't want any disrespect to mess the friendship we had and still wanted to nuture. And up until that point I was doing okay, and processing everything in a healthy way, so this news (and the way he delivered it) seriously gutted me. I tried distracting myself, talking to people, having a late night party of one in my room, crying, journaling, yelling at his picture, but what I really needed was logic. I needed to put sense to what I was feeling and to know I wasn't a) alone and b) crazy or wrong for feeling so hurt and angry by his actions. Thank you for providing scientific validation while I'm in the "protest, withdrawal" phase. Thank you for putting my mind at ease ^_^
@Talentisamust
@Talentisamust 3 жыл бұрын
I am so proud of this video. Thank you, Shan
@ellemillz2881
@ellemillz2881 3 жыл бұрын
when the second Shan showed up for a split scecind I was soo confused. I was like is that her sister or am I seeing double? I most def was seeing double.
@marilynbahoura
@marilynbahoura 3 жыл бұрын
Completely thought she was like trolling Us. Saying that’s my daughter I didn’t know that was her real daughter. I thought it was her sister for sure
@ruthfes2331
@ruthfes2331 3 жыл бұрын
Thank u so much for this video Shan💗
@sampsonks23
@sampsonks23 2 жыл бұрын
Just recently broke up with someone I felt was super important to me and that I loved and this seriously just gave me a whole new perspective on how the cycles of breakup in my life go and how they affect me. Thank you thank you thank you 🙏🏾
@staygroovybritt
@staygroovybritt 3 жыл бұрын
Love is a drug ❤️ Thanks, Shan. I am currently going through a break up so this video is right on time.
@lm4936
@lm4936 2 жыл бұрын
So true. I'm coming out the other side of a breakup now (after 4 years together), and when I look back on it now, it somehow feels like I was in an actual trance like state back then. Best of luck getting through yours.
@camillebelcon8811
@camillebelcon8811 3 жыл бұрын
I feel like I've gone through this phase in my current relationship. Loss of expectations and awakening to what is actually here.
@serafinaobi
@serafinaobi 3 жыл бұрын
Well said Shan! And helpful 🙃
@queenmalika33
@queenmalika33 3 жыл бұрын
I wish I had this video sooner! Broke up in February (because he wanted to be single) and haven’t been able to deal. Tried to have time on my own to heal, but my ex wanted to be friends and continue hanging out with each other and of course sex as well 🙄 this has been ongoing up until a few days ago. Told him it’s hard for me to move on when he’s constantly THERE. I was willing to accept it as well because I didn’t want to lose him in my life. Of course I’ve been down in the dumps throughout all of this, but as Shan said, just because I’m going through withdrawals doesn’t mean he was healthy or meant for me.
@sadibarry
@sadibarry 3 жыл бұрын
In my opinion, you should stop seeing him completely! This is your time to grieve the relationship and move forward with your life, staying in contact with him will only hinder your progress. Don't let him take that away from you. He made his choice, so choose you. You matter too. Good luck!!
@queenmalika33
@queenmalika33 3 жыл бұрын
@@sadibarry Wow thank you so much! I really appreciate your words. You are absolutely right. "He made his choice, so choose ME. I matter too". Since I wrote my last comment, I've deleted and blocked him on everything. I haven't contacted him since because of that, going on a month (small victories). Do I still feel heartbroken? Yes. But do I feel optimistic and looking forward to move on? Hell YES! I know, one day I'll meet someone who loves just as hard as me.
@lm4936
@lm4936 2 жыл бұрын
@@queenmalika33 Yes, those are the best actions to take. It's like pulling off a Band-Aid fast -- hurts like hell at first, but in a short time you won't even remember it. I'm a year out from my breakup and the difference between how I feel now (as opposed to then) is miraculous.
@sunvavachi
@sunvavachi 3 жыл бұрын
You brought this video at a good time. And YAS bringing the Shan to Shan talks again haha.
@heygladysmejia
@heygladysmejia 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this Shan💛
@BlAcKnDpRoUd
@BlAcKnDpRoUd 3 жыл бұрын
really key take outs from this video!
@inhabitantofearth
@inhabitantofearth 3 жыл бұрын
I'm usually over my exes before the relationship even ends...I probably have avoidant attachment style issues
@jjones565
@jjones565 3 жыл бұрын
Me too!! This is totally my style
@inhabitantofearth
@inhabitantofearth 3 жыл бұрын
@@jjones565 I think what it is, is that when I'm with someone, I'm WITH them until the wheel falls off. Like, a relationship is pretty much a marriage to me because I never have the intention of dating someone just for fun. So, when I decide to end things, it's because I've already thought it through, I've already tried to make it work, and I've already lost any feelings I've had for that person. I don't take breakups lightly. The "break up & make up" thing is not something I do. If we break up, it's for good, and I will not be interested in getting back together.
@jjones565
@jjones565 3 жыл бұрын
@@inhabitantofearth yes!!!! This is so well articulated! I totally relate. I’m also not much of a casual dater - as soon as I know it’s not going to be something for the long-haul, I back off so literally everyone I’ve dated has been for 2+ years
@godsgirl7201
@godsgirl7201 3 жыл бұрын
Is she interesting herself😩 they look alike
@ktyler4045
@ktyler4045 2 жыл бұрын
this is soooo helpful 🖤🥺
@moniquenorman9419
@moniquenorman9419 3 жыл бұрын
I had so many questions going in my head about the editing of this video I was only 50% present for this fantastic topic. I got the message but I missed the minor details and analogies. Great job with this editing Shan, who did you film first though, the unknown will bother me.
@feels1510
@feels1510 2 жыл бұрын
i tought about this too and my theory is she recorded the explaining part first, had the audio and then filmed the reaction to it. cause her reactions are too good 😂
@BLULUEL
@BLULUEL 3 жыл бұрын
Great advice!
@shhv3448
@shhv3448 2 жыл бұрын
I wish I had discovered this last year when I was struggling really hard. But I’m glad I found this video now because I’m realizing just how okay I am right now. I thought there was something wrong with me that I’m still getting over him and enjoying others’ company.
@zinzibam4126
@zinzibam4126 3 жыл бұрын
This just too me back to our head vs heart era xxx
@marcelaperez4126
@marcelaperez4126 3 жыл бұрын
I’m very impatient, so these process I wanted to do it FAST. That’s not good either I’ve learned, this is going to take time and I needed that..
@tashansofwa2426
@tashansofwa2426 3 жыл бұрын
This is a fantastic video!
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