....and his beloved wife Mara Jade Skywalker enters, teasing him a funny nerfherder for falling asleep in the meditation chamber again. (If that was the ending of Episode X, it would get a global standing O.)

THANK YOU.

@@JamesRDavenport Jade from Mortal Kombat*

I swear I'd hope for that

I would’ve bought 3 tickets to the movie if it was a top tier adaptation of the Jedi Knight games, Kyle as the Main Man he always deserved to be. Any of Disney’s sins would’ve been forgiven...We were on the verge of greatness, we were THIS close!

Killiaka Kinnet lmfao thanks for the laugh.

Q: "How did you do that?" A: "The writers like me more than you."

She Typed in IDDQD

Console commands, bruh.

"I understandably know things I shouldn't." But there's no explanation on why she knows what she does... Fundamentally bad story telling...

13:48

Reyd shadow legends?!

@@frauleinhohenzollern8442 No. Rey Skywalker

@@niklasstg6957 Palpatine*

@@bjcantrell1990 *Mary Sue

Ironic. It could make other trilogies loved, but not itself.

@@mateuszmarciniak2828 It is not a story that Disney would tell you.

@Offhand Hominid it’s still a nice interpretation

@@guso6042 *a half decent writer

A prophecy that misread could have been

Maybe it wasnt the same Chewy, maybe it was Chewy's son that little runt from the holiday special all grown up. Which would explain why he still looked young in TFA. But.....then again, even if it was Chewy's son, Leia should still treat him like family, aaahh f*** it! What an absolute dumpster fire Disney SW is. There's no saving it, what so ever. The prequels really do look good by comparison, holy sh!t.

As Mauler points out, she doesn't even know that Rey knows Han.

But you gotta emotionally validate Mary Sue.

no. you need to weed them out

I guess one could try to justify it with the fact that, as Force Sensitives, Leia and Rey felt Han's death on a different level than everyone else... But Leia still should have gotten a hug from Chewbacca. That was stupid.

the Deathplanet even.

I thought the death star was a space station

@@Jamesmac77 That's no moon!

These plot holes could be likened to zombie black holes, sucking all the brains out of this movie, and the next.

Disneymovie StarWars is not canon. It exists only to show how Hollywoke is our enemy.

Exactly.

@Lionel Hutz the originals really aren't at a questionable stage. It's perfectly fine to put it at, we don't exist in their universe so we see a part of what's happening there, where would you want to start when it was the very beginning for star wars in the first place? It was set up really well to make sure it was as interesting as possible

The way George Lucas writes dialogue makes for terrible romantic writing, but other than that my only issue with the prequels is that they skipped the clone wars. Thank god for Dave Filoni.

*Is it ok for me to say that the prequels were ok as the OT?*

🖐 ‘you don’t want to sell me death sticks… You want to go home and re-think the whole script..’ 🤚

Moichandise!

Don’t know Roman numerals what you mean

@@lazyliongames6660 Episodes 6 (Return of the Jedi) and 7 (The Force Awakens). xx

@@TSSuppository thank you, and that is the exact way I would paraphrase it

@@lazyliongames6660 It's a Space Balls reference

King Edward "Longshanks" I, Hammer of the Scots, Lord of Wales and King of England I love how he keeps having Rians face faded in.

Hmmmmmmm.............

Eddy! Just needed to let you know that you're one of the most underrated villains in movie history. You would have been great in Game of Thrones too.

I can't wait for this Sequel Trilogy to end is my preferred one.

Your name is cool

Joshua Benton best parts of the video 😂😂

Joshua Benton I have no idea what’s wrong with Ryan, he’s making just faking simple mistakes film-maker students alone would make: -He completely scraped Jar Jar’s drafts on episodes 8-9, ‘probably explains the shagged potentials MauLer alluded to with all his “ ‘Can’t wait to get more on that” moments -He replaced Jar Jar, like we needed that change and like no-one thought it’d create a consistency problem through that trilogy; they already think it’d get bad press for the “evil white males” and the old fans, so why not keep it careful and keep the same vision from the same guy and make Ryan do a spin-off

Joshua Benton The “mmmh” part too

@@nicholasleclerc1583 yeah I lost it at those parts!

same

lol i love this comment

also JJ: "Just like my whole filmography, add some lens flares and some more explosions and hopefully nobody will notice"

Jj is a jack like star trek he took wrath of Khan and the motion picture together and switched Kirk for Spock because he couldn't rip off search for Spock so Shaun of the Dead wrote 3 and JJ got his wife to say oh he's tired of doing sequels and then he copied new hope and again fusing 2 film's scripts together ran out of stories to rip off so rise of Skywalker was straight dog shit

This is explained in the movie actually. HAN: Hey! Some moof-milker put a compressor on the ignition line! REY: Unkar Plutt did. I thought it was a mistake too, puts too much stress on the hyperdrive. And during the escape, right before she removes the compressor. REY: Unkar Plutt installed a fuel pump too -- if we don't prime that we're not going anywhere. HAN: I hate that guy. Han lost the Millennium Falcon years ago and didn't know about the modifications Unkar made with the help of Rey. It's one thing the movie does do right when it comes to Rey. It's just a few throw-away lines but it's enough.

@@awandererfromys1680 She shouldn't know that something puts too much stress on the hyper drive. She has never flown a ship. She should think whatever the ship is doing is exactly what it's supposed to do, she shouldn't have any idea or recognition about the previous performance of the ship before the compressor was used.

@@pascalsimioli6777 REY: I've flown some ships but I've never left the planet! Onscreen dialogue shortly after taking the Millennium Falcon. Onscreen dialogue also establishes she's not just a scavenger. She's a mechanic. And I expect any mechanic to know where a part does or does not belong. That's _mechanics._ Hate on Rey all you want but this particular bit of her character is no different from Luke knowing how to pilot an X-Wing and engage in fullblown battle while he had never left the planet before either. All he knew was bullseyeing womprats from his T-16. Or Anakin building his own protocol droid from scrap. It seems that Force-sensitivity gives SW main characters a particular secondary skill set.

@@awandererfromys1680 nonsensical point. She is never established to be a mechanic, just a scavenger. She scavenges old parts from a star destroyer which is completely different than a ship. Shits like comparing a semi to a bike. Fundamentally similar but not similar. I know this bc I actually work on cars but hey. U know mechanics right. Also complete straw man, they argued it’s stupid that she knows more about it than it’s owner/ expert of it. Just nonsensical

@@krusek4204 It's in the dialogue but sure, whatever.

Now THAT is subversion 😂.

*Directed by J.J. Abrams*

Would have been a much better scene if the MF just at that moment decided to flame out and crash. Then Han could do the flippy switch thing and save them, then give Rey his Han Solo smirk. Much better consistency with the character of Han.

Dude, trigger warning. Being reminded of that scene literally triggers me. It's even worse than the avengers scene where the woman operating on Vision shows off how much smarter she is than Stark and Banon. The cringe was too much for me.

That would have been so much better than what they actually did.

Why?

fuzzygreenturtle _ because RJ messed up this trilogy badly

Jimb0 There’s stuff that could of been explained through correct character dialogue in TLJ. Unfortunately that never happens because RJ made the film purposely to prank the fan base while insulting said fan base all over Twitter. He’s a Bafoon

Jimb0 it’s definitely rian, JJ already had a script that prob would’ve had this, and when Rian took over, he literally TRASHED the script and used NOTHING from it. Rian made a Star Wars movie, that ISN’T a STAR WARS MOVIE, you get what im saying. Rian ruined it for me. For the exact reason why I DESPISE the last Jedi watch the critical drinker’s video the last Jedi, and the assassination of Luke Skywalker, it depicts exactly why it sucks.

Jimb0- it is hard to even imagine we are where we are now with this fucking story. If they would have had A PLAN for the films from the jump, and had all the OG characters all together at least one fucking time, with a better story, it would have been so much better. The Ruse of Soywalker was literally ridiculous.

Who gives a fucking shit

They weren’t. That’s the point.

I was audibly upset in the theater when she walked right past chewie. That woulda been a tear jerker moment Leia sobbing, chewie howling. Stupid jj

@SounDrazzRiton-kv7vg only real fans who have an understanding of how the characters they grew to love over the years, and an understanding of how they may react to certain hypothetical situations. Go away tourist.

Maybe he was thinking Rey was Leia's long lost niece. Her being Luke's daughter would make soooo much sense.

Because it's too true

I think the gun was held under her helmet.

Queen Bitch KaNoMiko no. Could’ve been a good explanation, that or a melee weapon (maybe Han Solo would’ve picked up on that after seeing Luke using it with such benefits), but no.

If I hold a gun right up to a Kevlar suit, the bullets going to go through.

@@largeman2316 at that point, I'm more worried about the impact and force itself killing me than a bullet piercing my body.

@@largeman2316 uhhhh, no. If the armour plating is rated for the round, it will not go through

"I didn't leave my wife!"

😂

I figured that was why he wore the mask; No one would be intimidated by a handsome, young prettyboy, so he put the mask on to be taken seriously by both his enemies and subordinates. Which is why it was weird when he tossed the mask in TLJ.

I honestly liked Kylo's look. Not every evil character has to look intimidating, to be honest having one not look the part can add a ton of depth to a character. They just didn't fucking do his character right.

@@spikem5950 I agree

I liked that he took off his mask because he was definitely trying to find purpose living in Vader's shadow, and all that mask did was remind me he was a dollar store Vader with it. It was easier to take him seriously without it. That said, both TFA and TLJ had self-awareness about this shortcoming of his, which is one of the few things I liked about those films. Now, if we're talking about his teenage tantrums...I really wish I could unsee that first cringy scene.

E;R Oh goi! It's the E;R.

E;R when are you going to defend "Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children"

E;R I knew you'd show up!

Artur Zinurov Hopefully never. That movie was boring as fuck. I don't even remember anything that happened.

E;R and your stuff is amazing to ER!!!!

Except less thought out.

The best part of the film is Kanjiklub

They're barely 1 yr olds, given how terribly they misrepresented the franchise!

Kék Dragnal And then to make matters worse, Finn shoots his own troopers who he was RAISED WITH.

Maybe episode 9 will clear that up? 😂😂😂

Imagine after episode 9 comes out we'll be saying, "Maybe Rian Johnson's new trilogy will explain that?" If I see any reviewer say that I'm officially done lmao.

Considering he has no problems shooting at his former comrades barely a couple hours later, I don't think Finn was really all that traumatized by his fellow trooper dying in his arms, or by the horrors of war. Really, he didn't give a damn about any of them. He just realized he could die from being stuck in this crowd, and decided to desert. Finn's a psychopath, nothing more, nothing less.

It could have worked if Finn struggled with guilt later on and found out somehow through captain phasma that Poe killed his friend or something, it could have made things more intense. I wanted Finn to be a Han Solo type, not like Poe, just a lone wolf that deserts and goes back and forth between sides because he doesn't really know who he is anyways.

If they made Rey turn evil, I would actually find her interesting.

What are you on about? Luke actually FAILED. Obi-Wan had to rescue him from the sandpeople, and also in the cantina. Sorry, but you are an idiot.

Wow. Mary Sue characters never fail. In what attempt did Rey fail? None of them. Luke actually struggles. First of all, you are braindead. Rey has never flown one either, and she aces it the first time with besting TRAINED FO tie pilots. It is implied Luke can fly, as his friend says he is sure Luke can handle an X-wing. Very hard to get. For a non force user. Again, Luke said he made shots like this on his home planet. What did you say in your last couple of sentences? Do you know english? If you argue for Rey, you should have wrote: but unlike Luke, Rey blah blah blah.

Calm down buddy. What details have they included which shows how she is so fucking good? Tell me please, you just say they included them, but do not provide me with them. Show me, you clever man. Luke can fly an X-wing because it's similar to the T-16 which he has flown. Even YOU, you idiot could fire with a laser gun (if that was real). Luke fires it multiple times, and he misses a couple of times. Oh, you missed that detail also, at least now I know that you are also not a Mary Sue/Gary Stue either.

Yeah pretty much, I'll always enjoy the OT though that's for sure

That is an absolutely brilliant description! This type of “friend’s“ next move will be to start hanging out with your friends and deliberately excluding you pretending it was an oversight or they couldn’t get a hold of you.

Good point! Stuff like this is why I read the comments...

Wasn't it "owned"(stolen)by the guy that hands out the food. Don't bite the hand that feeds and all that.... Only thing i can think of as to why it wasn't ripped apart and sold.

@@Leotheleprachaun About the only reasonable explanation actually...owned by the local kingpin

@@alansmithee183 but for some reason it was fully fueled and fully functional after all that time...that's a much harder contrivance to swallow.

@@TF80s Well, almost functional. The compressor had to be bypassed but I guess the AC is working now lol

Honestly, that is not saying much When an installment says, "Click here to find out what this could mean," it's clickbait. I can't think of any film or series that requires the viewing of other installments to make it "Good." The only series that even comes close to "it'll be explained in the next film" is the Bourne trilogy, and even then you don't need to watch the others to appreciate each individual film as a film. They only become better as a whole because of minor moments that no one will notice unless you really pay attention to what each character says and how they affect the protagonist. The Force Awakens was a heaving pile of rancid refuse and The Last Jedi only spat on it

That was obvious even when TFA released - only a good sequence could have saved it.

Really good point. With Star Wars Episodes 1 to 6, they stand up on their own with backstory and mysteries that are paid off and make logical sense. Maintain continuity etc. They tell one grand story. TFA was not meant to be Episode 1. It was Episode 7. And it didn't continue from ROTJ or explain anything. And well, the rest is history with TLJ too. To think they ditched Lucas' treatments which apparently continued the story for this is unbelievable. And I concur with your point on Bourne. You understood each film alone, they link together and progress the story. They don't just keep rehashing things and leave a string of unanswered questions. The ST is all about style, without story and substance and a constant tease.

I didn't think that was possible, but you're right.

@@RacinZilla003 Endgame. There you go. A film that cannot stand on its own but when watched after viewing previous entries (not all of them, of course; I didn't even see Thor: The Dark World before watching Endgame and I still understood what was going on) will be extremely satisfying.

Every time that I see something resembling Nazis I'm going to be saying that now.

"Ah, Master Skywalker, I see your skills-" "SPACE NAZI!"

His joker voice is breaking through when he says that.

@DrTheKay Cool comeback , bro. Very insightful.

That's basically all he does on Twitter

There’s a lot of “worst moments in this trilogy” 🤣

Ironic now it’s a reference to another beloved series that once was the pinnacle of its genre but then was skullfucked to death out of spite.

Oatmeal Guy And laughing about it while saying fucking awful and cringy lines with Poe.

And that also begs the question: If he's so weak-willed how was he able to break the storm trooper indoctrination in the first place? More bad writing from this joke of a trilogy.

Oatmeal Guy Yes!

He was always awful, but charisma is a very effective weapon so to speak. That character fooled many people, including me. In the sequel, hell, no amount of charisma can disguise that HORRIBLE character arc.

Damn near every scene he was in it looked like he was having a panic attack. Fuck, I hate this movie.

She does look pretty good sometimes. Kinda wish she got taken as a slave at some point...

I would've definitely loved to show her what I can really do with The Force!

Chugargonfan it’s daisy Ridley dude, of course she looks fantastic even while wearing clothes as bland as her character

@@Chugargonfan Ew, no. She's is just bland. And she's got this, like, thick sheen/glaze of sweat all over her face, in every scene, all the time. She's a desert-bound hermit, but her skin is gross, white and pasty? Like how does _that_ even work...they could have given her a few sessions at the tanning salon before shooting, and that certainly would have helped...but whatever

Fluffy Waffles nah

Lmao That is unbelievable stupidity. I hope you're a kid. If not, your need to be an apologist for such obvious nonsense is fucking embarrassing 🤣

Yo I actually forgot about that. Lmao Rey is like a Goddess figure in this movie.

Really? I don't find him menacing, and the character is terribly written, but he himself is not hilarious or ugly. Poor Adam have to deal with the consequences of what lousy writers did with his character

@@alejandrovillalba3143 It's not that he's ugly, it's just that he looked exactly like what his character is, a emo goth teen obsessed with darkness.

@@Boyzby Agreed. But that is the way they wanted to portray him I guess. Don't forget, he is a white, straight(or so looks like) man. Unforgivable sin nowadays

He just looks like a big crybaby, with no control for emotions. He annoys the shit out of me, i dislike the new movies Vader was a tyrant, but a lot of it was controlled.

I lost it at the "places his mask in an ash tray... WTF" part XD

I can still remember trying to talk my brother into coming with me to see TLJ with me. He said 'I thought you didn't like the last one?' To which I replied 'Come one! There's no way it could be worse than Force Awakens!' God I miss my innocence....

Wellington I seriously hated TFA but after TLJ it doesn't seem so bad lol. It's still terrible, but TLJ is so much worse

I must be in the minority, me and my friends actually liked TLJ more than TFA. At least it was _mostly_ trying to be its own thing and not plagiarize A New Hope all the time like TFA was.

I think TLJ is definitely worse than the Force Awakens. It failed on at least 3 separate levels, as a Star Wars movie (that takes place within the larger context of the Star Wars mythos), as a sequal to the Force Awakens (so within the context of the inferior, Disney Star Wars mythos) and as a standalone movie in itself (owing to its numerous plot holes, amateur writing, bad characterisation, terrible world-building etc.). For all the Force Awakens flaws, one could argue that since it's a launching pad for the new universe Disney are hoping to build, it sets the pace for the rest of the trilogy. It sets the rules/context for the rest of the trilogy, so it can't really fail on that level, whilst TLJ very much can and did.

I dunno, if TFA is a bad start to the sequel trilogy I don't think failing as a sequel to it is that bad a thing. Then again, I don't really get why it fails as a sequel, or why its quality as a standalone movie should matter when by definition it can't be one. I mean, I have my problems with TLJ but not for the reasons most people complain about, and despite the fact that I've thought too much about it, I still like it more than TFA. It actually interests me, while in retrospect TFA doesn't get anything more than a "meh" reaction. There are scenes I genuinely like in TLJ, while everything in TLA is basically a plagiarism of A New Hope, written by someone who didn't understand why the original Star Wars was good.

Most accurate description

Please don't go! PLEASE DON'T GO!! It's really telling when they couldn't even get people to stay during the fucking test screening 😂🤣😂🤣

@@BasicShapes how can people walk out of test screening that NEVER happened? Lol

I feel sorry for the actors. They tried so hard to make this trilogy work and ended up hating the trilogy themselves.

@Alexander Supertramp The way I see it is in their facial expressions. And their hesitations when talking about it

Holy shit, same

Well, the prequels did make me like the originals, because that's where Palpatine would finally get what he deserved.

Fa Kenews cool, now dont pay to see Solo and encourage others not to go too. Or you're part of the problem.

Caboose things come down to if what a man does matters to himself. Are his dignity and beliefs for sale. At the end of the day you can say Disney Star Wars can't have me. Not my time and money cocksuckers!

Ewww. You can't wash away shit with more shit.

You are another excellent example of people who could’ve been picked at random from a KZfaq comment section who would’ve done a much better job!

how? we saw both hand and saber fall into the gas giant.

LUUUKE.. lol

Aaron Seet I was just reading this when he said that

Just watch "IMPS The Relentless" fan film, or any other, they are far more entertaining that theese garbage!

This movie is basically everyone and everything pretending to be part of a better film

And Rey lol

Answer me this: would it be less bad somehow if Rey was male? If you answer yes, you are sexist.

LinkMarioSamus If she was male, she would be a Gary Stu. Get the fuck out of here with the sexist bullshit, there’s no androgynous label for a female self-insert character

LinkMarioSamus no it wouldn’t be less bad. I’m ready for your next question as long as it isn’t as bad as your last one.

it’s like a new stormtrooper getting promoted to admiral in a week.

Good site but you’re too smart for this plageristic shite film

Rey, not Ray. I do suspect the spelling is intentional and *meaningful*.

ThatPurpleFunk also RAY is male way of spelling the female rey but yeah that proves so much.

telephathically*

Well being optimist and confident must count for something. LOL

Eric Santucci it hurts.... its like a vibrasword through the stomach. Its too true...

[I CAN'T WAIT TO GET MORE ON THAT.]

Eric Santucci You. I like you. You condensed down appologetics and blind fandom arguments for months down into a couple digestible paragraphs. These appologetics caused a pain of which I spent bottles of alcohol and Excedrin trying to contain the pain of the stupid flowing forth and invading my brain, like a made up force power in a certain movie... /slow clap

yea, tlj will make tfa a better movie.......... pffffft hahahahahahahah

I actually like what he did with Snoke and Rey's parents, and I understand why he did what he did. Mostly because J.J. Abrams left him nothing to work with.

Also the controls on the T-16 speeder are identical to those of the T-65 x-wing by design, so pilots can move from one to the other easily. Rey just pulls skills out of her ass. Superior piloting skills - pluck Speaks wookie - pluck Marksman with a blaster - pluck Incredible force skills - pluck Luke had to train and fight for all accomplishments

Yehoshua Smith: That should be a new sig. code for me...

First no medal; now she snubs him.

This was quite outrageous moment, so a character with long history, a friend with whom she spend years is sidelined to hug a complete stranger to her.... Rey? Leia should have been simply overjoyed to see Chewie alive especially after sensing through the Force Han's death, she would have actual emotional connection to Chewie to both this moment would have been sharing the grief for death of best friend and husband!!! Dammit. Chewie himself would be comforting her in pain they had years of shared history for goodness sake. Leia should have asked, who is this girl upon seeing her!

@@fantasywind3923 fucking exactly! She could’ve talked to Chewie, mourned with him and then said “who’s this girl?” to Chewie and then we get some sort of relationship between Leia and Rey developed.

@@zorn1745 nice to see someone agreeing with me, that mess only confirms that rey is simply Mary Sue character, and as we know in all amateur fanfiction mary sues are instantly liked by everyone in their presence for some unfathomable reason, ughh this was infuriating, hell Leia hugged Chewie in original trilogy after escaping imperial chase in joy simply after knowing Chewie for short time it's simple emotional reaction, and it would have been even more justified after decades of shared history. Them ignoring each other after HAN SOLO'S DEATH makes even less sense.

"my husband is dead and here's my friend I went though a war with, I better sa....OH MY GOD IT'S REY THE GLORIOUS PRAISE BE!!!!!!!"

Mauler's unbridled rage videos are the real trilogy

Rings of Power is also brilliant at these contrivances! Apparently the show runners were trained by JJ Abrams.

Rube Goldberg

Jorkey*

I dont like to admit it, but it wasnt until this view (4th probably) that i noticed he always changed the nickname for the BallBot

The main cause of warps in all of reality no he does

BB-8 had more personality than half the people in this film.

Thank you for the timestamps for us to laugh at, kind stranger.

Too bad he wasnt a strong wamen

Oh wow,the imagine of Palpatine doing a Superman out of the shaft while throwing out his maniacal prequel laugh actually cracked me up.

Thanks for giving me a much-needed laugh.😀

Gravity exists in the death star, not in space. Easy AF to move without gravity. Hard af with gravity. Simple.

I think it would be harder to push yourself while in outer space, dealing with the pressure, lack of oxygen and everything else would be harder than in a place WITH gravity.

it's more bad dialogue than bad writing the sequels have bad writing

@@UnfunnyFigs the prequels dialogues are a gold mine of memes! I don't care if they're a little cringe, they are so over the top and memorable that almost every phrase is a meme by now

@@n.k.63 no Every line is a meme

@@n.k.63 I love how campy palpatine gets. Like it just works.

prequels writing was great and dialogue was good except Anakin when he is with Padme. Hes unbearably cringy. Like 12 year old seeing female for the first time. Other than that, its fucking obliterating sequels.

How can you not love well made characters like MaRey Rose, Jar Jar Rose, Admiral Gender Studies and Chrome Dome. Oh you, also hate on the lacklustre males, eh? Ehm... ehm... NAZI! * flees *

Help us Ahsoka Tano, you're our only hope!

I'm a feminist and Rey is a Mary Sue. I've read enough fanfiction to recognize them.

Hassat Hunter don’t insult Darth Jar Jar, Dark Lord of the Sith by comparing him to that “character”!

Agreeed, Finn should have been the main character

@@Misery2331 yes. Miss perfect is.

She can't be the worst character because she's not even a real character.

​@@Misery2331 she not really even a character lmao

​@@theminecraft2516 finn is so cringe make no sense as a character

Ivan Stankovic that’s 100% true

@@destroysgaming3995 In the ST defender's mind, this plot would be totally okay - "30 years after Harry Potter defeated the hated and feared Lord Voldemort...." - Harry Potter has gone missing. His friend Neville Longbottom has sent his best member of the Order of the Eagle to retrieve a map to his location from an old ally. Cho Chang has been taken hostage and a ransom has been demanded from Harry Potter, the legendary wizard who defeated the dark lord years ago. Only with his help can Neville and his brave Eagles defeat the evil Life Feeders..." Hermione Granger has turned into a drunk witch who never uses magic and doesn't want to. Harry Potter has received the Owl about Cho's situation, but doesn't want to help and wants to be left alone. A young Muggle who has never heard of magic, randomly stumbles upon the Owl trying to deliver the message of Harry's location to Neville. Having never been to Hogwarts, the young muggle finds the broom of Harry Potter, his Firebolt, in the back of an antique shop, just as he/she randomly encounters Hagrid who tells her "magic is all true." Hermione is now a smuggler who works with Hagrid smuggling illegal dragon and dangerous materials across the magical world. When Hagrid asks the antique shop owner how he came across the broom, the response is "That's a story for another time." The muggle, who has never been trained in magic, nor heard of it, then runs into a dark robed Life Eater called "Wuhaca". Wuhuca is known to have been a former Head Boy at Hogwarts, captain of the Quidditch Team for Grynfindor and one of Harry Potter's greatest Auror apprentices. He is even said to have been the son of legendary Minister for Magic Hermione Granger. Wuhaca offers the young muggle the chance to serve alongside him and his Master, Lord Incognita. The young muggle outflies Wuhaca and his own wand flies into the Muggle's hand. He is bested with a scar across his face and at the last moment a great chasm opens up in the middle of the London street on which they were duelling. The Cauldron of Doom meanwhile is launching its fire potion beam from the hidden village of New Hogsmeade, somewhere in the south of France. It destroys the Ministry for Magic in one fell swoop. In the ensuing chaos, only Neville's Eagles who amount to a mere 12 wizards and witches remain. They fly their brooms against an onslaught of 900 Life Eaters, but somehow one reckless Eagle manages to break through and fire a reversing spell on the Cauldron which implodes and takes out the entire Life Eater base and 80% of their followers. Lord Incognita tells the deputy Life Eater to bring Wuhaca back to him for further training and to continue to Crucify Cho Chang to draw out Harry Potter. Neville encounters the young Muggle and Hagrid and even Hermione who came out of hiding at the last moment. Neville hugs the Muggle ignoring Hermione and Hagrid. He then plugs in the hidden map of Harry's location into the Marauder's map which points to Harry being on Privet Drive. Hermione stays behind, as does Neville and Hagrid. The random Muggle now dons Harry's broom as her own and goes to Privet Drive where she finds a fat Harry sitting on his balcony. He/she asks Harry for his help to save Cho Chang and Harry Potter takes his broom, throws it into the rubbish bin across the street and tells her to get off his lawn. The credits roll and the movie, like The Force Awakens, is given thunderous applause

@Dark Jedi Knight JESUS

@@darkjediknight2923 LMAO this actually required creativity 😂😂😂

@@darthtroller You have a point haha

It's in the comics, books, games, and Wiki, apparently. :p Not in the movies though.

Its a Feminist Movie. World-building? HAHAHAHAHAHA. xD

TheWet Baguette The Retconn of Skywalker tbh shouldn’t be taken seriously, let’s just piss on its corpse and grave if anyone bothers to dig it and abandon it

Not to mention that the entire first act of "The Empire Strikes Back" revolved around the Empire attacking a shielded target on the surface of a planet.

It's even worse considering BOTH of those films were directed by JJ. The man can't even keep track of his own continuity. I mean our expectations of you were low JJ, but holy shit.

@@jacksimpson8529 Wouldn't the "no shields below atmosphere" thing only apply to Exegol though, with the awful conditions and constant lightning? In The Rise of Skywalker itself, when they're being chased in the desert by stormtroopers, their speeders DO have shields. I can buy that JJ forgot what he did in the previous movie, but in the very same one an hour earlier? I'm not sure that's even possible. But then, the star destroyers at the end supposedly can't tell which way is up, and yet there's like a thousand of them in the sky and they all face the correct way, so maybe the writing is really that lazy and incompetent. Fuck this trilogy either way.

@@nosfrattirek5690 The ships don't know which way is up, I don't think JJ deserves any benefit of the doubt with that being a part of the movie

You didn't relate to ordering genocide, or getting thrown in a dumpster?

Phasma was serious wasted potential. Makes me sad. You have before you Gwendolyn Christie, the very same actress as Brienne of Tarth. Who is one of the most moving female characters of this decade. And you squander that for a trash compactor reference. Disgraceful.

I can relate to a soldier following a regime's command... well, not relate, but I can put myself in her shoes. The dumb thing about that statement is that you can only ever relate to someone due to their actions and their character. That's all there is. Phasma is just such a non-entity that there is no way you can even define who she is. She is barely more than an extra. So she had to come up with something to say in that interview and went with the equivalent statement of "the sky is blue". A complete filler statement to mask that there is absolutely nothing going on with that character.

Arphemius I wouldn’t have wanted to relate to Phasma, personally. I think she should have been a more classic Disney villain, an imposing threat to all the characters. She can still be given human depth in other ways, such as giving her motivations and ambitions. But making her *relatable* to casual audiences runs a high risk of defanging her.

That the actress actually said that about this character makes me seriously and genuinely think she has some sort of mental problem.

C3P0 in episode 5 discover the problem of the Milenium Falcon before Solo. He's a pilot,not a mecanic. It isn't imposible to know more mecanic than him.

@@A.D.V.I. Yes but Han has been repairing the ship together with Chewie all the time (as seen in many scenes in Empire Strikes Back), it took some time to find the problem though and so C3PO communicating with the board computer allowed him to find that crucial malfunction, it still makes little sense especially after 30 years Han at this point would have the ship for many, many decades even longer than 30 years since original trilogy :), still this is just another callback to the original, the Force Awakens was already unimaginative reboot of the New Hope but without the soul of the original.

@@darkthorpocomicknight7891 she's actually dismantling stuff from a crashed imperial stardestroyer, she is a scavenger, scrapper (at best she would be familiar with imperial tech, since she is seen interacting with various non-functioning pieces of imperial military hardware) she would be most of the time salvaging raw valuable materials and some usable parts from wreckage.

@@darkthorpocomicknight7891 She wasn't fixing parts in that scene, she was cleaning the parts to make them more presentable for selling which is why she was using a brush. Fixing BB-8's antenna was something that did not even need any tech skill as it merely got bent, literally anyone that cared could fix it. Furthermore the Millennium Falcon is a Corellian YT-1300 Freighter that was heavily customized, it is not military tech. Rey in the movie was never shown or implied to know how to fly, and even responded when asked immediately afterwards with "I don't know!" This was a non-issue for Luke as he was established early on that he has been learning and practicing flying and wanted to get into the Academy to improve further, nor was it an issue for Han as it was implied (and even in Legends Han was ex-imperial navy) based on his smuggler background. After the movie they tried to patch things up by trying to say that Rey trained in a derelict Star Destroyer's simulator room, which would be sideways and it's a stretch that it could be powered to begin with with how destroyed those ships were.

@@darkthorpocomicknight7891 When it came to BB-8 she literally yanked the bent antenna out of its socket and bent it to be straight again before putting it back in. That is not tech savvy, that is something anyone, even children, can do. Her speeder also does not show any tech savvyness just by her owning it, nor are we ever shown her working on it. Its even implied by the force vision that she was left in Unkar Plutt's care or as a slave. The speeder could have very well belonged to him and it was out on loan to her. And the novels function is to attempt to fix the numerous problems with the character. It is where they literally had her download matrix style Kylo's training in the middle of him trying to (and failing horribly) torture her so that she could pull off the Jedi mind tricks needed to escape because Jj Abrams simply could not just wait for her to be rescued by Han and Finn.

Personally prefer Padme and Paige Tico. I really can't believe the ST went down this disjointed illogical storyline which makes no sense without any backstory and poor new characters etc. I couldn't stop laughing at "Because she's Rey." Never gets old since it's true. And not to mention the "Can't wait to get more on that!"

The number of coincidences in this movie is stagggering! Lazy writing over all

And passion and logic

Imagine that scene with the shield. Phasma removes her helmet and tells Finn that she has been modifying his brainwashing so it would not stick when it came to actual violence, as he is special, force sensitive that she removed from his records, and that he has to go and help save the galaxy, as she can’t leave, and could help from the inside.

That could explain why Finn was allowed to walk free and ultimately free Poe.

Sergio Vassari That's not much of a milestone.

Skin cancer is better than Cinema Sins

Cinema Sins is just, eh what I said this, clickbait and a couple of quirks. Nothing special in KZfaq.

Cinemasins took a sin away for Rey being a mary-sue. I stopped watching them after that.

Something something satire even though I don’t know what satire is something something just a joke something something so criticism is invalid

Well to be fair it's not as bad as having Han go back to being a smuggler at age 70.....

@@TheStapleGunKid which is explained, in the film when he says "I went back to doing the only thing I was ever good at" after the pain of losing his son to the Snoke. all through the original trilogy the hero thing was an uncomfortable jacket for him.

Still pretty dumb, though. When last we saw him he was a General leading the rebels to victory. Now he's back to smuggling? Come on, that would be like George Patton resigning his commission to go make a living as a petty shop-lifter.

@@TheStapleGunKid I think it was pretty dumb that he was a General in the ROTJ

Maybe so, but it is what it is. Having him go back to being a smuggler was a case of prioritizing fan-service over plot consistency.

Unbridled, unabashed, delicious rage

MauLer... The Ragening!

The best kind of rage

With blood and rage of crimson red...

The high ground is a Mary Sue!

Zacharias Edström Mauler is the key to all of this.

-You underestimate Disney's power to ruin our childhoods! -Dont try it! - *releases The Last Jedi*

He doesn’t.

Okay... but has he quadrupled his flip power? And is he a terrible wing man?

Whatever. Buy Porgs!

I mean, why didn't he Millennium Falcon became some sort of a legendary symbol over years? After all, it was the ship that helped in the destruction of two motherfurcking Death Stars and other impressive stuff. I mean, I know that the Falcon is not the only YT-1300 model, but wouldn't the First Order hate the ship series with a passion? They shouldn't train their troops to destroy any kind of symbol that makes them remaind them of the biggest defeats the old Empire ever suffer? I'm not asking these new movies to have a lore with same level as Tokien's legendarium, but this is a sequel from a couple of trilogies with a story behind them, be more consistent.

Yavinus That's kind of my point. What Finn says implies the FO in TLJ hate it with passion for what it's crew did to the Empire, but it seems to have no real relevance to them in TFA. Yet another aspect in which the stories of these movies are utterly divorced from one another, never mind the Star Wars universe.

I always found it laughably sad that the Millennium Falcon is supposedly the most infamous ship in the galaxy , yet no one knows what it looks like in The Force Awakens.

* nobody remembers the wars of VI, or it's participants, or the Jedi and Sith * * Everyone does remember that one ship *

Dammmm, i would never remember that, thank u

@Claudio Como yeah but no low ranking soldiers gets to go on elite commando team, do they ?

Holy fuck you’re right.

I was a 12R Interior Electrician in the Army, I was the one that stayed behind alot and did tasks along the lines of my skill and typical duties like cleaning and loading magazines and such. But sometimes I would be tasked to travel with the commanding officers on special tasks because of trust. I never had any issues similar to Finn. But if my officers decided to go rob a McDonalds bet I wouldn't be a part of that.

@@KAXGaming hahahaha I want that to be a news story now "military officer robs McDonald's with full support team" just a tactical robbery of a McDonald's

I want to like this comment but the number is perfect

@@Leotheleprachaun it’s been ruined. Come back and like.

@@Leotheleprachaun Keep lying to yourself

@@Myth_or_Mystery76 it was at 420. Keep being a tism

@@Leotheleprachaun says the man who won't like a comment because it's at a 'funny' number

Full name: *Solo, Han* Father of: *Solo, Ben* AKA *Kylo Ren* His son is: *Solo Kylo Ben Ren* Solo, Han Solo is Ren Ken Bylo Hen's *father* *M I L L E N I U M F O L Ç O N*

@Julian Hen as a Hen yourself, are you perchance related to Ren Ken Bylo Hen?

@@Beaver_Monday What about everyone's favourite character, Byro Pen?

This comment thread is so precious I want to dance with it and fall into a volcano.

"THE WAYFINDERS, MUH GAWD! I've forgotten them completely!"

Heuch Gack and she had to survive on a desert planet so she can totally beat a sith trained by both Luke skywalker and a totally important character who will have a Huge impact in the trilogy.........also she can swim

to be honest kylo had killed his father and had a hole in his abdomen....i can buy rey beating him......then the last jedi came

Z Ten oh yeah she can swim like a fucking champ even though it was the first time she ever tried......but she’s not a Mary Sue though though that’s ridiculous

Nope, I can't buy it. Not after we've seen that the wound doesn't really impact him much in his fight against Finn. Oh, also, did we mentioned that Ben was trained by two masters, one a Jedi master the other a Sith, I guess.

Because... ya know. The FORCE! And the Force makes you AWESOME!!!

men who were kidnapped and indoctrinated just like him from childhood, he is literally cheering about killing conscripted child soldiers. (victims)

@@Daredhnu Right? But we don't need to question the ethics or motivations of the characters if they don't make sense, just stuff popcorn into your face while enjoying a 5 dollar fountain drink.

The logic: my fellow trooper died in my hands... let's join the one who killed him and kill more of them!

Exactly

Stormtroopers one time shock troopers of the Imperial Army and Navy now reduced to fucking janitors. Way to go Disney way to go.

Yep, that’s sadly how I felt with my dad after The Last Jedi.

To me, this film is nothing. It's all setup, no payoff, and has less content than the tutorial towns of JRPGs.