My mother used to say that if you think you might be crazy you're not. Crazy people almost never think they are the crazy ones.

I have gone "no contact" with my malignant narc husband after a DV incident. He called me from jail the following morning and threatened to kill the kids, me, and himself (on a recorded line). I have an emergency protective order, and am working on a divorce and sole custody of our kids. He is sending his flying monkeys after me, and regularly posts "poor me" posts on FB. It is astounding to me that even though he is facing a felony, lost his job, lost his home, and lost his wife and kids, he still won't take personal responsibility. But I am holding firm to my boundaries, picking up the pieces, and determined to follow the path of healing.

"Somebody in this world needs to be on Team Healthy and stand for dignity, respect, and civility. SIGN ME UP!" AMEN!

I have been victim of a smear campaign. Internally, it drives me crazy when people just assume that the narcissist is telling the truth. Thus far I have taken the high road: I don't complain or explain to anyone.

The amount of times I was made to feel paranoid or crazy, in the end, affected my physical health!

I divorced my covert narcissistic ex husband 2 yrs ago. I went no contact after several nasty phone calls from him. My 2 little grandsons told me after the 1st year apart that they missed seeing me AND him together at holidays etc. So last Memorial day I decided to give it a try at a cookout at our son's new house. Over the past year and including the recent birth of a new granddaughter, I have seen him more frequently than I care to. Especially when he says something insensitive in my presence. It seems to Trigger me and I end up with nightmares again etc. I have set a boundary with my grown children for Easter, since it's also around my birthday this year. Too many bad memories of him ruining holidays and birthdays. I feel almost guilty for not sharing the holiday at easter dinner planned for Saturday but, instead, have offered to make breakfast casseroles and stop by on the actual holiday instead. I just need a break from him from time to time

“You’re always controlling.” Is what I hear when I’m refusing to let him control me.

Narcissists love to use words, but their words are lies.

NUGGET! "You cannot dictate their interpretation." Oh I have hit my head against that wall a zillion times! Thanks Dr. C!

To the woman whose narcissistic spouse is saying don’t blame me when she misplaces her glasses, should consider that her spouse might be hiding her stuff to make her think that she’s absent-minded. That’s a classic gas-lighting move that I sadly to say know all too well. From my keys to my glasses to important papers-of course he was always my savior who could find anything that I misplaced. After 16 years of this behavior along with raging, lying, and making me feel like I was going crazy, I finally found the strength to leave him. No longer am I always losing my stuff. Instead I lost him!!!

​My narc seems like a hungry but very patient wolf circling me at a distance sizing up my strengths and weaknesses and ready to pounce if he senses my guard is down.

I’ll admit that sometimes I feel crazy. It seems reasonable that anyone who is self aware and caring will be driven to their emotional edge by the narcissist from time to time. We are only human after all.

So funny, my narc mom tried to "punish" me by ignoring and shunning me. Easily done, at 2,000 miles away. I loved it. When she finally realized that, she got much more angry. 😁. So sorry (not). What was so clear was that there was nothing I could do to make her happy. But I could add to my happiness! Love you and your work, Dr. C, bless you.

My narc, violent older sister abused me all my life. We are in our 70's now. I didn't know what Narcissism was until a few years ago, thanks to Dr. Les Carter. When my sister went into another narc rage recently, I told her I will call the police on her if she touches me, or even gets within my three feet of personal space without my permission, because I feared for my life. I never knew I had that option...she had me so brainwashed. That did the trick! Lol 😅 She is very haughty and her fake public image most important to her. The thought of her being handcuffed and hauled away in front of the neighbors was so horrifying to her, she stopped her abuse. I had enough confidence from that to quickly move out away from her, even though I was homeless for a period of time. Oh Sweet Freedom!!! 😃👍🙏

When I object to being treated badly and/or being spoken to in eg. a derogatory way, I'm told: "you get what you ask for".

When I went no contact with my narcissistic ex, he accused me of 'bullying'. According to him, I'm the mean one! That would have nothing to do with his preceeding behavior! What a crazy, no-win scenario!

Great points Dr. Bottom line... relationships are not hard when 2 people are working at it. as someone once said it's hard for one person to push a couch BUT with 2 people pushing a couch that's really easy. relationships are not that complicated...they're really not that difficult . so if it is then it's time to start planning your exit quietly.... Prayerfully.... accurately❤

I agree with you, Dr. Carter. Setting boundaries means that you are not going to permit toxic individuals to cross the line. For example, my narcissist son invited my younger son, my sister and myself over for Christmas dinner. I planned ahead and thought that by keeping the conversation very light and not ask any questions that would cause conflict (i.e. what happened between you and your baby mama) I could have a decent time with my son. Well...unfortunately, that didn't happen because while we were en route, he called my younger son screaming at him that we were not on time and that he needed the whipped cream that I was bringing over (he conviently forgot that he told me what time he wanted us there and we were on time). My younger son backed out and that was his way of setting a boundary (if you're going to rage like a toddler over something petty, then I'm not going). So, my sister and I went there. The whole time that we were there, he barked orders like a dictator and complained about how much work he had to do to prepare the holiday dinner. He would not stop no matter how much reasoning and reassuring I did to calm him down, he would not stop. I ended up telling him that I couldn't handle this behavior and called my younger son to pick me up. My narcissist son then raged and said "if you leave here, don't ever come back" So my sister and I left and my younger son had said to me "now you know why I didn't go. He's not going to talk to me like that." Anyway, about a week later, I texted my son and explained to him why we left and how his behavior was toxic and destructive and that he keeps driving people away. His response was "I don't need your lecture, I don't need anybody." So then I told him okay, that's fine but that's going to include your children because they're not going to be little kids forever and they are not going to want to put up with your HORRIBLE attitude and behavior when they are old enough to be on their own. Uh...he didn't care. His response was go pound sand. The point is that you cannot reason with these people. After that event , I went hard core no contact. I removed him from all social media and blocked him. I removed all pictures, messages, cards, etc and put up a wall. I don't even discuss him anymore with my younger son because it only makes it worse. I've accepted this to mean the end and so it's the end. The grandchildren are also cut off because they were used as pawns to solicit abuse. Sooooo done.

In discussing his substance abuse issues just yesterday day in a authoritative kinda way he said “ask anyone - everyone thinks your overly-religious because …. well even you know you are. “ Because of your help doctor and research and without any expectations I responded “ I do not know any such thing and btw the truth is -every human being is THE number one authority on what they know and believe. I added “ I should go now but we can talk more later but this convo is not super healthy but we’ll talk again maybe next time we all feel healthier and stronger but I hope you have a great day! Then I just left smiled waved and left. I felt so good for not taking the bait and arguing about why have hope or why I go to church or why I pray or or forgive others so easily. All problems he thinks I was sooo thinking of all of you here on Team Healthy! Love you each from me-- “43 years of abuse and bondage now 13 months of safety and peace!!!” We can be strong

I am from Germany and I thank you from the bottom of my heart , you are helping me in so many ways and I feel so understood, and finally I know what happens to me.... Going through a discard right now and trying to protect that little sanity I have left. Thank you Dr. Carter 💐

My first reaction to the door slammer is he's baiting her to have an emotional reaction to his anger and declaration of boundary setting

I enjoy your humor. It makes trying to figure out these narcissists a little easier. I am a Dr. C. fan ❤

This message is for the woman that found the inappropriate text message on her husband's phone. My heart goes out to you. Totally Unacceptable!!! My husband's had a friend. She was the reason for our divorce!!! His friend said I was very pretty...BS You deserve respect!!! You hold on to that respect. Before you know it they'll step all over you. That text message was completely inappropriate. Protect yourself. Never ignore your intuition! There's a reason why its there. And be kind to yourself 🙏

He used to drive me to boiling point that I thought I would literally explode and he would then sit back calmly and say look at yourself your crazy.

I feel like different narsisitic relationships have different trauma. Husband/wife, parent/child, employer/employee, inlaws.... We could go on. I come from an upbringing and received by both parents, this abuse. When narcism hits the base of a person's life, like in parent/child relationship it is extra confusing because that's what you know to be "normal". It took me forty years to figure out and unravel what's healthy, and now have answers to my triggers, and NOW can finally start to heal. I can breathe away from the narc rents.

My next door neighbors are aggressive attention seekers. They are extremely competitive and are great with putdowns. My husband and I love our privacy ( we lived here first) . I tried being nice to them at first until I realized that they want to be put on a pedestal. We have done our best to mind our own business, a couple of years ago they ran a smear campaign and told other people in our neighborhood that they were "offended" because I don't acknowledge them every time they come outside. They said that I thought I was more "real" than them. They are really rude to me and so I decided to grey rock and go no contact because they were stressing me out. The wife comes out when I'm in my yard and tries to Kill me with kindness. The other day I was minding my own business and she said "be that way" when I didn't respond to her. I held my internal ground because I knew she was trying to make me feel like there's something wrong with me. Not going there. Done. Over. No more.

Yes, I've had to remind my son to not lower himself to her standard in revenge. I praise him for resisting (to the point of shaking) hitting her back & walking away..she is trying to push him to be like her for some sick sense of satisfaction. Thank you for the sweet spirit in which you teach these very difficult problems❤

Hi Dr C, from Melbourne, Australia. The information and learning from your videos has provided answers and understanding to the chaos that has been endured for 30+ years. Have found the strength and ability to reclaim my life. Thank you😊

It’s taken me 50 years to realize that he starts shouting in his deep male voice and I start shouting back. It’s not me starting it. I’ve learned to catch when it starts and call it out and am getting good at not responding in kind.

Sorry i missed you but listening now I have convinced myself that I am the crazy one but now that I live alone there is no more stress Even my OCD is reduced considerably🥰👍

Excellent stream Dr. Carter. Love ❤️ it 🙋🏾‍♀️. I caught the replay and definitely great information 😊. You’re definitely helping many of us who are still healing from Narcissistic abuse 🙏🏾. Thank you.

I approached my narc husband for a separation…and his ego was so hurt he said “Let’s just get a divorce then!”

Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and Team Healthy from California. If your Narc is having an affair help him or her pack and call a taxie for them. You have not lost anything. I can relate to being smeared so much because I was the only thing he knew to talk about. He entertained a dinner party talking very badly about me when I was delayed getting there. The husband told me when I arrived at the door and asked me if I wanted him to ask him to leave. Also if you are living in a sexless marriage, that is another form of control. Thank you for a great session Dr. Carter. We appreciate you so much.

I'm realizing that there's a difference between making peace and being peaceful. There is no fruitful talking with people who are full of mistaken projective interpretations, unrecognized presumptions, misinterpretations, and who evidence no desire to self correct wrong view or wrong interpretation. Noble silence is the best course. There is no fruitful listening to other's toxic belittling and accusations based on projective interpretations, unrecognized presumptions and misinterpretations.

I don't think narcissistic/sociopathic opportunists feel remorse or guilt in any wrongdoing. They can act incredibly cruel on a regular basis and feel absolutely no guilt about it. Maybe that's why they typically don't change?

Really confused,Daughter called me a narcissist,and I have depended on her more since Covid and am older so have had more health issues,she's mad because I'm using her,she says that I'm supposed to be the strong one and I was a terrible mother(yes there were some bad choices but I never didn't love my kids and do the best I knew how to do.she says She's done helping and we need time apart,I agreed because after the tounge lashing after MY last doctor visit,feel like I'm don't deserve to be talked to so harshly,I ve said I was sorry many tjmes for the mistakes I made over thirty years ago and frankly,it hurts but I won't bow down any more

Re divorce, I think it is also a question of safety and whether you need a plan to maximize your safety when leaving, since violence is most likely to occur in a controlling relationship when the controller loses control.

It wouldn't surprise me if the husband who assumed he would be blamed if something went missing was reacting that way because he actually did it to gaslight op

Instead of ghosting her , I requested the narc not contact me and hoped she would respect my boundaries. She of course replied that she was sorry that I was so "troubled" and hoped I would get better one day 😅 .She had to have the last toxic word . I regret I acted like a adult . Should have stuck to NO CONTACT.

I am devastated and heartbroken for my daughter. Her partner is a covert narcissist. They have 2 children and what I observe is the brainwashing and manipulation of his 7 and a half year old daughter in particular, who is at the stage where she idolizes her father and believes everything he says. I would say he is grooming her to dislike and disrespect her mother; I am a witness to his psychological manipulation and control and its impact on my daughter and her relationship with her daughter. I want to cry. I feel helpless. How can I support my daughter and grandchildren through this? It is so hurtful, painful and crushing to see my daughter quashed like a bug by her partner and in the presence of their children. He demeans her, shows contempt and wounds with his words...it's his narrative and he's sticking to it. Everything is her fault and he is not accountable for anything. He is turning his daughter into a flying monkey. Please, what do I do?

One thing that we must understand with these demons is that it never ends it never ever ends if it looks like they're on their way to being a gloriously, awesome & amazing person just believe that if you're really dealing with this type of person it's an illusion because the foolishness just never ends.... they are plotting something else and you need to plan to get out

Another Colorado listener 💙

Thank for these helpful videos Dr. C! Hoping you could address the complexities of dealing with a BPD/NPD sibling that recently got sober? I hoped that the damaging behavior would stop when the substances did, but they only seem to intensify. She's been mostly clean for 6 months with a few slip ups and I'm finding it even more difficult to figure out how to navigate our relationship. Have been gray rock for some time now, but our mom keeps insisting that we support her as she is unwell and needs unconditional love. I want to provide that, but keep being put in uncomfortable situations and having a hard time with the juggle of boundaries vs. compassion. Would LOVE if you could approach this scenario as I know I'm not the only one facing this struggle while trying to heal ❤

Just “discovered” you - thank you so much for the words.

Hi Dr Carter, I'm from Sydney, Australia and I totally enjoy your videos. Thank you for your topic on Narcissism, I certainly have learnt quite a bit on the subject. Kind regards, Denise 😊

In bringing up problems, I’ve often heard this from the Narcissist, “I can’t say anything. I’m always being criticized.” Even though the problem does not directly relate to a personal matter, out comes the victim!

The cruelest gaslighting involves trying to convince someone they're crazy. Not by making the lights go out like in the movie. Straight up telling another human being that they are mentally unstable. Over and over again. Over the course of decades. Desperately trying to get it to sink in. Meet my mother.

I left my narcissistic(s). Never slammed door. Gave them the keys and left in 2020.

Listening. I'm concerned about codependency vs our need for connection. This topic feels fitting. Boy did he wear me down. Resurfacing slowly. Healthy living. Job 1.

Oh, how many, many times I question whether I truly AM crazy! Have I caused ALL of this turmoil in my family's life? I had never SEEN such families until I married into this one. (Culture SHOCK!) And, it was as though, the FIRST time we all met together AFTER my marriage into it, they were just SO DIFFERENT. I was barely 18, but HOW had I missed that--or had it been opened to me before? I have watched them do this to other 'outsider' family members. I am truly in a family cult. However, with GREAT suffering and the constant help of God, I have made it to the last hitch of my life, and now I am the care giver to the very one who tried killing me in the past. Life is hard. Thanks, Dr. Carter. You are a God-send to me.

I am going back-and-forth between OK I’ve got this and wait a minute it’s not that bad maybe I am crazy! For about eight months or so now I’ve been researching this topic to try and figure out what has led me to this point in my life. Just when I think I’m starting to get a handle something weird happens, like a book about codependency that I’ve been reading just magically comes up missing but he never saw the book and doesn’t know what I’m talking about. thank you for work on the subject and your cheerful disposition.

Hello from Brisbane Australia 🇦🇺. Thank you for being part of my journey post separation. Can you talk about financial control and legl abuse by the narcissist after separation. Please. Thanks. Marisa

I resonate with this. I got to the point where they were accusing me of the most crazy idiomatic things, and it seem like they really believe them selves. They created this false picture of me that they hated so much, and it got too much to have to defend myself. When every time I try to give it! I was told it was an excuse.

Hi Dr C, I am from Perth Western Australia, and I love you and respect you so much, you are a very good man. Thanks so much for your work, I don't feel so alone and crazy because of you.

On a good day he only slams the door twice 😉

Mine is a communal narcissistic bully. Most of the neighbors on my street are afraid of him. They placate him. I won't. I don't acknowledge him. I feel like I'm living with a bunch of third graders. He wants me to join his club of hating the manager of the development. I won't. That makes me everybody's enemy. It's juvenile behavior. Cat calling. Passing remarks. My boundary is.. not lowering myself to their level.

My brother recently confronted me. After I gave him 3 full paragraphs about why I'm done being abused by our mom, his response was, "well you can think and believe what you want!. Which feels just like what my mom's last words were, "you're a liar! You're crazy! And if that's what you think and feel then you can leave!" I left, that was almost a decade ago. I had grief over the mom and dad I never got to experience, ironically I haven't felt anything but relief since I got out of that relationship. I feel relief not having to get calls from her. I feel relief that she won't do a drop in on me when she feels like it. I feel relief that I don't have to ever sit in another restaurant while she says loud and derogatory comments about other patrons. I feel relief that she isn't around to insert herself in an aggressive and domineering way in every aspect of my life. I feel relief that I'm no longer the target of a bully, narcissistic, mother. The best choice for me was no contact with my entire family. Now that my abusive brother is blocked, I feel relief.

Thank you Dr. C ♥️🙏🔥Beautiful day for you and all here💪😍🙏

Exactly Dr. C always be the bigger person. Just walk away. Leave these people with there ugliness. Where is Gus?

On a daily, I listen to the reverberation in your voice, your way with words, and the entertaining way you engage with us! Makes sense to me now, hearing for the first time the reveal, you were once on the radio! Thanks for consistently providing awareness and education on the topic of narcissism.

Doing marriage work after death seems unusual at first, but I'm learning it's necessary.

Fantastic subject today Dr C, thank you from NZ. Is it possible for an entire family to be flying monkeys and display narcissistic traits? I have just gone no contact with adults I raised as stepchildren plus my own biological daughter. The gaslighting and innuendo had become too painful and left me no choice. They are all adults and are free to make their own judgements and decisions. I feel relieved, thanks to your great insights and advice. I try to practice Dignity Respect and Civility on a daily basis. Thank you.

I love Dr. Carter. Sometimes I feel like i dont need therapy w his videos n books im reading.❤❤❤. You have helped me a great deal to understand what Im walking through and how to be healthy n protect my peace

When he says I'm setting a boundary, but instead just slams the door, what he is actually doing is telling her he doesn't respect her boundaries and thinks her attempt to make them is ludicrous. It's just another way of him showing no respect for her autonomy

My mother, sadly, was a narcissist. She has Alzheimer's now & is pretty docile, for the most part now & can no longer hurt me with her crude comments, emotional neglect, etc..But, when I was young & growing up if we ever had a dispute or a difference of opinion, she never really listened to me, cause HER opinion is th eonly one that mattered! She would just turn around to me & with a scowl on her face, and say "Are you Crazy? Because I think you are!" It really hurt me...Knowing I was quite sane! It wasn't till decades later, I realized she had gaslit me my whole childhood. When that happens to you, it's hard to know (from your own perspective) what's real & what's not! Painful to rebuild trust in yourself....took me a long time!

I sent a friend here who is a big YT star in mysticism. She has a second client trolling her wanting her business. My friend believes empaths are having trouble w boundaries now. I sent her here. She used a lawyer to create a company that will protect her legally. Smart and no service to empaths without wealth.

I entirely agree about the security between a couple to know each other's passwords, etc. Those things should be accessible with one another and inaccessible for anyone outside of the relationship.

We love this format and channel and your teachings as well dr.c, I for one am very grateful. Mý daily routine. Learnt so much and still learning and I'd not be here if it wasn't for this channel. Every day is a struggle right now. THEN there they are in ýou life to make one feel even worse. Only a few days ago (boundary set), walked all over it with a manipulative guilt trip and guilt and confusion and anger and dysregulation ensued. The first question today answered my issue. I'm suffering and doing the best I can and doing this through no malice whatsoever, in fact it feels malicious that they cannot let me have that. Everything always seems to be what they want and the threat is if you don't give me what I want you should feel guilty and I will withdraw all and any help or assistance I give you. Emotional blackmail comes to mind. My whole life it's been that way. What do you think Doc?? Give gus a hug from me ✌

I set boundaries and when I veer off and call I almost instantly regret it. This person reminds me why I set the boundaries in the first place and I beat myself up for making that call. There’s something inside every adult child of a narcissistic parent that wants to believe that parent is capable of being decent. They aren’t. I’ll admit, I’m better at giving advice than following it, but I’m gonna say this anyway- For your own peace of mind, don’t make that call

I'm the universal scapegoat in several generations of narcissists, some quite malignant, even sadistic. My question is what do we have available to children, like 4-6 years of age, the female already desperate for actual love but believing she's not worthy - the scapegoat to take my place. Are they capable of accepting that the parent cannot & never will love them as they need to be loved, so the best thing to do is focus on your own development rather than manipulating the people & circumstances around her?

You have relieved me about my children telling me I’m narcissistic. I have asked you that question and it was answered today. Also the interpretation of my going through my partners phone after being suspicious of his cheating on me was wonderful. I never wanted to snoop but he gave me reason. I have felt guilty for a long time but now I now longer do. THANK YOU

I would like to see some content on suggested healing processes/ways forward after leaving the narcissistic relationship.

Dr. C! Thank you so much for these videos!! I would never be able to describe to you what they have done for me! Sending good vibes from Western New York. Have been gaslighted by my very bright daughter for years!

I appreciated that question about feeling like your just doing the same as them with the silent treatment. 👍

Hi I'm in Perth. Thank you Dr Carter for all your help.

This is already so TRUE after just some minutes in about "psychological astuteness" and "intellectuality"! 😆👍👍 You know my narcissistic 78yo mother even was married to a psychologist (the other main narc, she was the enabler and codependent) for 53 years now go figure how she is throwing out this academic vocabulary towards me (after he's dead) without even knowing what it means by definition! Currently, "psychosis" is the term of her choice when I am disagreeing about truth facts and holding the mirror to her lies. It's so laughable really! 😄

It’s so heart warming to see your welcoming smile ❤TY ❤️

Phew! This one hit me hard: "That's the sign of a controller, an exploiter, a manipulator..." I frequently felt that sharing our phones, passcodes, was a sign of health; he however, became very dodgy any time I'd ask to use or see his phone. His argument was always, "you're violating my privacy". Needless to say, I did not trust him, nor would I ever. I've had healthy relationships and there was a natural ebb and flow with openness and transparency which correlated to trust, safety and no need to look over my shoulder. I really appreciated that. Edit: I identify with being highly reactive. Do you have additional suggestions for how to respond vs react?

Thank you Dr. Grande. We really appreciate all you do.😊

For the lady whose h is texting inappropriately, chump Lady backs up what dr carter says. Supportive group over there.

Hi Doctor, I always enjoy these mid-week sessions, your advice is always sound and expert. Thank you for making the effort to host them!

Thanks Dr C and Team Healthy! You help me every day.❤❤❤🙏🏼

My Narcissistic Husband seems to be getting worse the older he gets. I have caught him in many lies and yet he demands Trust from me. He says that's the problem with our marriage is my lack of trust. It seems like he just lies in regular conversation any more and it's not even a lie to cover over something big. Not that I approve of either. So when I call him out on the lie he just told, he in turn starts saying mean things to me. So my question is, does he believe his own lie? Is that why he gets upset at me or is it that i called him out? And my biggest question is should I EVEN try to call him out on his lies or let them go?

I hope that door learned it's lesson and didn't cross any more of his boundaries. I can report that a downside of knowing each other's passwords occurs when the phone buzzes in the middle of the night, and it's all, "Honey, can you get that? I'm in my place of openness and honesty right now." *snore*.

My question is: does the covert narcissist’s rages and violence always get worse with age? He went from rages 3x a year to every month the rages went from lasting a day or two to weeks! The follow silent treatment went from a couple days to weeks (some as much as two full weeks.) at 68yo ! And that’s always followed with another rage - they became one right after the other with more threats and broken items and now breaking me They became so back to back there was no time for anything good between them as like you’ve said no recognition of wrong doing no apology just rationalization and victimhood statements the projecting blame onto me I heard that PD in cluster B get less intense w age. Not my experience at all! I think he slipped in to psychosis with the last one that where he got violent hurting me. I think he slips into psychopathy because his eyes went black amd when i fell to the ground he lorded over me making fun of me and had a very sick twisted Grin on his face . He said he didn’t remember any of the three day rage that ended w my injury I’d love to know (as I’m sure every other person married to a VNPD would benefit from) the dangers are very real! But the real question is do all npd get markedly worse w age and if not which PD gets far worse in rages w age? He has every marker for npd but was diagnosed w bi polar at first but because he never has gone to therapy in 43 years he went this time he has zero positive “up” times they then though borderline - as I’ve researched I think it’s vulnerable npd or npd with secondary psychopathic or sociopathic styles. But he says the therapist has not said that. What ever it is it got progressively worse over 43 years amd so bad in fact I had to separate - now after a year away and a legal separation I think on some level he hasn’t changed but looks relieved almost like he’s nice, more calm not sure if it’s just loads more drugs or covert cover-up supreme but I need direction from you.

I have to say that I never thought I was crazy , even though I was told that repeatedly . I have however , thought that the ones saying that were definitely in trouble themselves . Gaslighting only goes so far with me before I begin to laugh .🤷

This is for Dr. C. Thank you so much for your wise advice in dealing with these difficult people. It's been a game changer for me. Would love to see a video on Comic Relief when dealing with a narcissist. Example: the narcissist devalues you, then stomps out of the room and stonewalls you for hours or better still, the rest of the day. What do you do as a devalued target? Answer: Say to yourself "Of Course".Celebrate the peace and quiet. ( Of course this only works after a person has embraced Team Healthy). Sense of humor and laughter can be good medicine sometimes.😊

I ask myself that question? Am I crazy, again? Now? These people are very much living amongst us. In elected official chairs, church leadership, etc. I call to volunteer or help out, I'm am gas lighted. And they seem to think it's great to have me be left out of all activities. I find that alienating and weird.

Wish I could have been here for live chat-I miss everyone on Team Healthy.

Hi Dr Carter Gus and Team Healthy

Narcissists are opportunists -- they never give back what they get from you. watch out!

QUESTION: my daughter is a CNA in an Elderly Care Center. One of her patients is in her 80s and is being narcissisticly abused by the patient's sister (also in her 80s), who is her only family. The sister is pulling every trick in the book--trash talking the patient infront of staff and other residents, trangulating, stealing her belongings right infront of her, trying to convince the nurses to isolate her. The patient is so effected she is a Fall Risk and suffers from depression for the rest of the day. The management is clueless and legally their hands are tied. What can my daughter say or do to help her patient?

I caught mine in an affair. He said, 'Oh my god!!!! You're jealous!!' As if we were just casually dating, instead of being married for decades. No logic at all

Here's the best way I have found to deal with the narc...number one...if they ask something of you...your response should be...let me think about it and I'll get back to you. What can they do with that? Nothing. Then after you decide the answer is no to what they want...say....I thought about it and it just doesn't work for me. No explaining...just doesn't work for me...period. Be aware if the narc is your spouse, when you start doing this, they will rage quite frequently. Prepare for the worst...but they will eventually leave. I can't take credit for this, I got it from Kenny Weiss...it really works

With this one person, and only this one, I feel so stupid and crazy!! Nothing I do is good enough. Most of what I say is wrong, or I said it at a wrong time.

I agree with the person from Perth, Australia - I'm in Australia as well (Victoria), and over years and years I just don't see anything like this conversation in general life. Ideas like 'Boundaries' are just not there, not even under some other name. People do things or there are things they don't do, but there is no conversation about why they do one thing but don't do another. Self reflection culture just doesn't seem to be here - it's like it's treated that being authentic is just doing things without ever reflecting on why they do things.

First of all, thank you Dr. Carter. I have been watching and learning for some time now. Could you expound upon boundaries and consequences within a husband-wife relationship with children where the wife rages at: The husband. : The children. : All (at the same time) belittling the husband, bullying, threatening, and has a history of physical abuse, in conjunction with smashing stoneware, throwing things, knocking items out of the victim's hands, etc.? I don't want my children to continue to experience this trauma. I am Christian, and I don't believe in divorce without fornication or death; I believe the previous statement has been exploited to the max. I feel bound in marriage, I feel bound in duty, I feel bound. Any thoughts will be graciously received.

Dr Carter I’m listening to you from Perth Australia also and soo appreciate the teaching - thank you 🙏🏾

No, you're up to something. Nutshelled, Dr. C. Thank you.😊

This Q&A is so good. I have to start referencing your videos online. You’re so helpful and good at breaking this down.