How to Respond and Not React to a Narcissist

Рет қаралды 8,261

Relationships That Work with Michelle Farris

Күн бұрын

How to Respond and Not React to a Narcissist . This is key when you are in a relationship with a narcissist. If you are healing narcissistic abuse, you need to take care of yourself. First, keep the focus on you instead of worrying about the narcissist's behavior.
Knowing how to handle a narcissist also means learning how to spot narcissistic behaviors like gaslighting, and when narcissistic behavior becomes abusive.
Related videos:
➡️ How to Live with a Narcissist Without Losing Yourself • How to Handle a Narcis...
➡️ The Key to Avoid Gaslighting • The Key To Avoid Gasli...
➡️ What Does It Mean to Be Narcissistic: • Understanding Narcissi...
➡️ How to Detach from Narcissistic Abuse • How to Detach Emotiona...
Time stamps
00:00 Introduction
00:10 Walking on eggshells in narcissistic relationships
00:33 What is a narcissistic codependent relationship
01:09 To respond to a narcissistic do this
02:14 Identify narcissistic behaviors
02:26 The narcissist will gaslight you
02:53 Making you feel guilty
03:53 Name their narcissistic behavior
04:26 A common narcissistic behavior
05:12 Create positive self-talk
05:59 What to say to a narcissist
06:14 Find a grain of truth (if there is one)
06:48 Examples of validation
07:39 Don't stay with the narcissist if...
07:52 Use narcissistic behaviors to know when to leave
📗 JUST RELEASED Healing Narcissistic Abuse with Self-trust E-workbook
counselingrecovery.lpages.co/...
Here are a few ways to get extra support:
✅ FREE Relationship Checklist to assess your relationships! Click the link here
counselingrecovery.lpages.co/...
✅ FREE journal prompts for codependency, self-care and boundaries counselingrecovery.lpages.co/...
✅ FREE 30 Minute Training on Better Boundaries
counselingrecovery.lpages.co/...
➡️ Healing Narcissistic Abuse with Self-trust E-workbook
counselingrecovery.lpages.co/...
📒 The Codependency E-Workbook: Your Guide to Being Your Best Self
counselingrecovery.lpages.co/...
📒 The Self-trust Solution: Journal Prompts for Loving Yourself counselingrecovery.lpages.co/...
Connect with me on social media!
Facebook: / counselingrecovery
Pinterest: / mshellmft
Instagram: / counseling_recovery
LinkedIn: / michellefarrismft
Michelle is a psychotherapist, codependency expert, and anger management, specialist. She’s been featured in The Daily Positive, BossMom, Psych Central, The Good Men Project, and Your Tango just to name a few. Her relationship recovery helps people go from relationships that don’t serve them, to learning how to trust themselves and create mutually satisfying connections that work. Michelle loves creating online products and courses on relationship skills, codependency recovery, anger management, conflict resolution, self-esteem, and self-trust. #narcissistic #narcissism #narcissisticrelationship

Пікірлер: 119

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

If you need helping assessing your relationship - get my FREE relationship checklists counselingrecovery.lpages.co/relationship-checklist/

@Sungoddess_crystal_healer Жыл бұрын

Thank you

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

@@Sungoddess_crystal_healer you are welcome! These checklists will definitely help you analyze how heathy your relationships are - ❤️

@matthewjahnke6956 8 ай бұрын

OK. Now, if I was on vacation in San Franciso, for about a week, would you be able to see me, or would it be a lost cause?

@MichelleFarrismft 8 ай бұрын

@@matthewjahnke6956 yeah sorry you have to actually live here.

@matthewjahnke6956 8 ай бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismft ok what if I could get a video camera meaning one that would fit on my computer do you think we could have a video chat

@whatsupbudbud Жыл бұрын

After 2 years with one, my understanding is that these people don't really want a normal relationship. They talk a lot about how they do, they learn to mimic some behaviors that healthy people do but they never do the work on themselves or, if they start to, it stops at one point and the other person is to blame even though he works on himself constantly. Maybe that's just my experience but it is what it is.

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Yeah, I don't think narcissistic people understand what it takes to have a healthy relationship because they are so hyper-focused on getting their own needs met. You're right, they rarely seek help because they assume they are not the problem. Thanks for watching!

@biiakpan8334 Жыл бұрын

No your definitely right. I've wasted a decade with my narcissist. I almost lost ANOTHER job yesterday bc of him, just woke up from having to sleep in my car for the millionth time, I just thank God I decided to not make my babies have to suffer with me by sleeping in the car, but feel bad for leaving the kids with him for the night bc they're suffering too. I've TRUSTED him time and time again and went back to him. THIS time he flipped out bc I asked him for my money he's been supposed to be holding for me and our three children so we can get our own place like he's been drilling in my head the past few months. I'm thinking death might be the ONLY way to break free!

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

@@biiakpan8334 Hey Bii, I'm so sorry you have gone through that. Tracy Malone runs groups on narcissistic abuse. Check out her website tracyamalone.com - she has SO many resources that could help you. If addiction is also in the mix ( or you come from a family with addiction ) Al-Anon is a great support too - free meetings on Zoom al-anon.org You are not alone! Hang in there.

@biiakpan8334 Жыл бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismft thank you for your reply. I'm definitely going to look into these resources. It's been hard with no support at all. Thank you again 🙏

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

@@biiakpan8334 I know and I'm so sorry for that. Let me know how it goes.

@suefinnerty4482 Жыл бұрын

For me it's not engaging with them at all if possible. Have known many over the years and it only ends in heartache. They provoke until they get a reaction and then we are the villain and they're the victim. It's tiring. One tip I have used is journalling after being with them to gain clarity. Low or no contact with them. Light and polite and then move on.

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Yeah minimal contact can be the best self-care. Whatever you need to do to take care of yourself is really key with narcissists.

@susanh7889 Жыл бұрын

"Light and polite," Excellent saying, thank you Sue.

@lovesings2us 6 ай бұрын

Me too. Thank you so much. I really like the positive self-talk statement, "Just because they got upset, doesn't mean that I did anything wrong." Just repeating that to myself is powerfully healing from longterm narcissistic, sexist abuse in my family. Whenever the men and boys yelled, the girls and women apologized and actually felt bad, regardless of whatever might have actually happened.

@MichelleFarrismft 6 ай бұрын

Sounds like you have done some good work identifying these patterns. Good for you!

@elizabethquispe8364 Жыл бұрын

She became furious when I told her I wanted to marry my boyfriend. She made a spectacle at the engagement party, treated really bad my mom. The next day she behaved like nothing had happen . Now she told me to not forget her and wants to became my wedding godmother, when she even told me to not marry. It is so painful to realize that someone you love can treat you like that

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Yes, but they are showing you who they are so consider this valuable information ( name the behavior like I recommend in the video ) - and use that information to validate your experience and figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself. Thanks so much for watching!

@MindyKlein-xk4gt Жыл бұрын

When you described Tornado I identified it with what I called Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde! I never knew which one I would get when ex arrived home and walked though the door

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Yeah, unfortunately that is very common which is why naming it helps :)

@YOU-niter Жыл бұрын

I call my partner Jekyll & Hyde! I very often say who are you today Jekyll or Hyde 🫤

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

@@YOU-niter that’s rough - not sure if I’ve said this to you in other comments but Al-Anon can be very helpful for free group support.

@T.LWinks Жыл бұрын

ME TOO!!! I've been married to one for 15 years and it is absolutely miserable. We have 3 kids and am going to a councilor on my own to figure out how to deal with him. I'm not sure if its worse for the kids to watch this or get a divorce 🥺 At least if I stay the kids can see how to deal properly with difficult person without losing themselves or their confidence in it 🤷🤦 Love and hugs to everyone out there in a similar situation 🤦

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

I'm are getting the support you need! Thanks for watching!

@bobbybloomer5266 4 ай бұрын

Me too and thank you so much for this video, Michell. I really needed to hear this.

@MichelleFarrismft 4 ай бұрын

You're welcome! So glad it helped.

@RobinsBuysandDIYs 10 ай бұрын

Me too! I'm so glad I found you!!!!

@MichelleFarrismft 10 ай бұрын

I am too! Thanks again!

@amandaflaherty89 Жыл бұрын

All of what you said is so realistic in my life. This video is amazing! I left my narcissist but this is great information!

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thank you, I’m doing another video on narcissism next week so I hope you come back! Thanks for watching!

@sanzaiane Жыл бұрын

me too! thank you very much for this!

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thank you for watching Sanzaiane!

@rebeccaarwine2768 Жыл бұрын

Very helpful. Thank you

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thank you for watching - so glad it helped!

@elizabethgeran3679 6 ай бұрын

Thank u this was amazing.....very very very helpful!!

@MichelleFarrismft 6 ай бұрын

Thank you Elizabeth! I appreciate that!

@ashleyn8946 26 күн бұрын

Usually my husband will put down anything I do to the point where last time I asked if I was breathing correctly since apparently there is nothing I do that he’s satisfied with. He also has seperated me from my family by moving us overseas and then taking passports so I can’t leave. It’s a nightmare that could be made into a lifetime movie.

@MichelleFarrismft 26 күн бұрын

Oh I am sooooooo sorry. @tracymalone has a channel on narcissistic abuse recovery and she also runs support groups. I would love to see you get more targeted support.

@ashleyn8946 25 күн бұрын

@@MichelleFarrismftThank you for your response. Unfortunately he also financially abuses me so I wouldn’t be able to afford it. I did subscribe to the channel though.

@MichelleFarrismft 25 күн бұрын

@@ashleyn8946 then try Al-Anon. Its free!

@jimfarris5465 Жыл бұрын

This is great.

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thank you!

@doraeme Жыл бұрын

Me too. For me it's someone w narcissistic tendencies who was raised by a total narcissist. These are easy to implement, practical tools as always, thank you Michelle! One thing is the outside background noise is distracting, making it difficult to focus on what's being said. I want to re-listen but the noise is too much for me

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Yeah sorry about that - I wasn't able to record at home so I didn't have much control over that - but next week's video will be in a quiet place. :)

@jameswarda6118 Жыл бұрын

Great video. Me, too.

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thanks James, always great to see you here! I hope you're well :)

@brandyleeanndixie1484 6 ай бұрын

me too! Ty

@MichelleFarrismft 6 ай бұрын

Thank YOU!!

@ruxandraionescu2520 Жыл бұрын

Me too 😢 THANK YOU 🙏 Namaste

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

You're welcome!

@richardfrank4647 7 ай бұрын

Great video 🌈🌈

@MichelleFarrismft 7 ай бұрын

Thanks Richard! really appreciate your comments!

@markfw54 4 ай бұрын

Me too!

@MichelleFarrismft 4 ай бұрын

Thanks Mark! Glad you’re here!

@gracesanity6314 Жыл бұрын

Yes

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thank you Grace!

@rafaelriveramestre7976 3 ай бұрын

Another thing we can do is move on... No one can help a narcissist but him/herself. Don't waste your life trying to help one, not worth it.

@DorothyKilonzo Жыл бұрын

Me too.

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thanks Dorothy for watching, this work takes courage!

@toni_beat Жыл бұрын

Me, too.

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thanks Toni for watching - you're not alone!

@Sungoddess_crystal_healer Жыл бұрын

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thanks again for watching!

@donnarakitzis2719 Ай бұрын

This is exhausting and demeaning. It’s better to just leave the narcissist and have peace

@MichelleFarrismft Ай бұрын

Yes if you can leave most of the time that IS the better choice. :)

@kellykibbe9016 2 ай бұрын

Me too going through a divorce

@MichelleFarrismft 2 ай бұрын

Tracy Malone has a great channel for narcissistic abuse recovery and I know she talks about divorce. Hope that helps!

@HarpreetSingh-il5sy Жыл бұрын

Me too😢

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thank you for watching!

@vivianmorgan987 Жыл бұрын

me too!! I would call the behavior "the blame game" because everything that goes wrong in our behavior is my fault and I am doing all the work. My question is would it be appropriate to share with the narcissist how I feel - ie "when you talk like that it is hurtful" or does this just give them more ammunition?

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

I think letting them know what they said hurt your feelings depends on how they typically respond. If you do say it - say it for yourself with no expectation. You can say something like “ that’s hurts so I’m gonna take a break now” so you don’t stay in it.

@mc2000Gmc 11 күн бұрын

Me too. M/41 married 20y

@MichelleFarrismft 11 күн бұрын

@@mc2000Gmc thank you for watching. I hope it helped.

@Fred_Free 3 ай бұрын

You should never reflect or interpret other people's reality or emotions. I don’t like it when the narcissist does that to me.

@MichelleFarrismft 3 ай бұрын

Reflecting back what you hear is a way to increase understanding on what's being said. Maybe that helps clarify what I meant.

@SalemWood-bt2hy 18 күн бұрын

Me tooo

@MichelleFarrismft 18 күн бұрын

Thanks for being here and watching!

@margaretryan8694 8 ай бұрын

I’ve met one once again, but this time , no reaction lol he wants me to react

@MichelleFarrismft 8 ай бұрын

Great awareness on your part in spotting it!

@anitaholst7671 Жыл бұрын

Michelle, do you do virtual therapy?

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

I do but I can only see clients who live in California.

@artiturralde6470 9 ай бұрын

Farris

@MichelleFarrismft 9 ай бұрын

Yes?

@josephhale9198 11 ай бұрын

I just act like the neighbor doesn't exist 😂 gray rock. Use info they told you against them. Totally ignore them. I'm an expert at it🎉

@MichelleFarrismft 11 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching!

@artiturralde6470 9 ай бұрын

Crazy that is what my narcissist gf name is Michelle farriss

@MichelleFarrismft 9 ай бұрын

Oh wow! Sorry I’m a reminder of them! Small world!

@YOU-niter Жыл бұрын

Thank YOU! Again for yet another great video🫶 My ex friend who is also my partners cousin! Wrote me an anonymous letter accusing my partner of sleeping with a number of women in my village! I know she wrote it because I asked my partners mother to tell her (after she had 1st anonymously texted me something a week or so earlier accusing him of being unfaithful with someone.) that we were laughing about the accusations. Which his mother assured me she told her. The anonymous letter arrived with the 1st sentence ‘laugh will you’ .. to this day she the ex friend fiercely denies it & even try’s to wriggle out of accusations etc she actually said to my face! It has been an awful experience to say the least for me & my children who are now grown up & left the family home. As it put so MUCH doubt in my mind especially after 1 accusation she made my partner had fiercely denied for 10 whole years! Admitted to! So while the two of the people I once trusted were at loggerheads with each other, not once did they stop & think of what it was doing to me! Is this narcissism??? It seems it runs in their family because they do & say things then deny saying it or doing anything 🤯 It’s been so hard on my mental health & taken me years to come to terms with let alone begin to get over & stole so MUCH of my life on their cruel behaviour towards me😞

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thank you for watching, it sounds like you've been through a lot. I hope you are getting support in your healing.

@mathman2170 12 күн бұрын

can't "make a person feel guilty" etc - right? only the person can do that to themselves - right?

@MichelleFarrismft 12 күн бұрын

@@mathman2170 well someone can try to make you feel guilty but we have to believe it or dismiss it. Make sense?

@charlottedixon9238 Жыл бұрын

Me too!

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching!!!

@Hunny5321 Жыл бұрын

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thanks Karen for watching!

@pinardemircan1749 15 күн бұрын

Me too!

@MichelleFarrismft 15 күн бұрын

Thank you for watching and being here!

@esmeraldeduplessis8142 Жыл бұрын

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching! You’re in the right place!

@annesawadogo5543 8 ай бұрын

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft 8 ай бұрын

Thanks for being here!

@allbeingsareequal5688 5 ай бұрын

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft 5 ай бұрын

Thanks for being here and doing this work!

@JoseDisneyLyrics Жыл бұрын

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching Danni! You're not alone!

@evatopham8678 Жыл бұрын

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft Жыл бұрын

Thanks Eva for watching - I hope my content is helpful for you!

@seananderson6384 6 ай бұрын

Me too

@MichelleFarrismft 6 ай бұрын

Hey Sean, thanks for watching!

@fwheaton 6 ай бұрын

Except when the narcissist ice on KZfaq watching videos about narcissism to figure out how to manipulate relationships more when they are called out. (See above person). So sad. Wish they would get the help they need and fix their broken relationships with everyone and stop the continual abuse. But after years and years, I guess there's no hope for some people.

@MichelleFarrismft 6 ай бұрын

Unfortunately people who are narcissistic don't think they have a problem. @@fwheaton