That is the thing about dysphoria that has me confused. It is intense one day and then the next it is not even there. As I get older though, the periods of time where dysphoria is less or even non existent are becoming shorter and then I know that the dysphoria cycle is going to hit again, but with greater intensity and for a longer period of time. This video was very on point.

Such a good video! I have gone through the same cycles over and over again until I reached a boiling point and I finally realized at 45 that this will never go away. My spouse and I are working through it as I have transitioned medically now and I am out at work. My dysphoria has now subsided at a much more permanent level and I finally feel like myself. Bottom line is that most of us cannot bargain our way out of letting our authentic selves shine. Love your work Dr. Z! ❤

It sounds very similar to starting antidepressants and then stopping soon after because you think you don't need them anymore. You're not cured; you feel better because they started working.

This is especially tricky with a non-binary identity

For me, it feels like whenever I'm putting some effort and Energy at work (which is very stressful) then gender disforia and related questionings all become a bit secondary. But at the moment I'm on vacation, or free for any work worries, then gender questioning grows really strong

This goes for any kind of medical care or psychiatric treatment. Some people assume that because it's working and they start to feel better, they no longer need the treatment, and will stop. I've even heard of people doing this with antibiotics, antidepressants, and cancer treatments. This is the worst time to stop, because you've finally got a handle on the situation. The reason you'd stop is if it's _not_ working.

10:11 “you’re stalling your living” such a powerful message- and so freaking true

Thank you for the wake up call, I needed it. I have been thinking about the relief of dysphoria for a while now and that maybe I was wrong about my gender identity, but at the same time drug use and eating disorders have escalated. But in truth, my hormone levels are at a place where I know I feel comfortable, so stopping the HRT would be a mistake.

I'm a text book example of living the lies and throwing myself into work to block the dysphoria for years after my failed attempt to transition in 1995. I cycled on and off hormones for over 25 years. I became a top radio and club deejay because that was the only thing I focused on for years. trying to cope gave me cluster headaches and high blood pressure for years till I hit a major wall. The hormones were working but that brought on more concerns of hiding the obvious changes my body was going through. It just made things worst it wasn't until a gender clinic opened in my area 3 years ago I finally took proper steps to medically transition. Now when I look back and see old pictures they are a tell tell sign of how bad I was off. I didn't look right and never smiled. My doctor she let me have some major truth after a year telling me I was male failing pretty bad and I really just needed to take the next step and go full-time which I did a year later. Looking back I realized masking dysphoria only made life worst to where I would just mentally and physically break down. Love this topic Dr. Z as it reminds me to enjoy life versus hiding from it. ♥💯

Thanks Dr. Z. The dysphoria lives against the pressure of society to "realize I am fine just the way I am" which is like telling a diabetic he is fine without his insulin. Gender dysphoria is a complex problem because of not only the unique mental condition but the sexist gender norms of society.

Just stopped telling myself lies. It doesn't buy anytime. It squanders it, and enhances a fear of missing out, regret, and hindsight. Thank you for your videos!

15 to 68 and counting - yeah - "coping" is a good word ..... Have I bought 50+ years or wasted them? Woulda coulda shoulda, oh well. We can't all just jump in the deep end of the pool - lack of finances, support structure, etc. Sometimes "coping" is all we have. Tis what it is. The odds of fully changing and becoming one with myself now are about the same as winning the lottery at this point. Not depressed, just resigned to the harsh realities of real life vs fantasy of what would be nice.

I have found that de-transitioning wasn't a perfect solution but was what worked. Yes dsyphoria is still there but it's less painful than transition.

I ignored it...This can't be possibly he happening to me. I've known, I've ALWAYS known. The repercussions were too significant to admit it. Now I feel like the majority of my life was wasted. Unhappy and in a fog all the time. Depression and thoughts of ending my life. I eventually had a nervous breakdown. It all became too much. You can't stay ahead of it. It catches you, destroys you. Once accepted, it gets worse. Denial can no longer be used as a defense. Mental health issue, birth defect, who knows. It's definitely real though and you can't wash it off.

im addition to cross gender brain structure, the science shows that we have some weakness in default mode and salience brain networks. Hrt strengthens those and alleviates the distress. Only thing we really have at this point.

Hi Dr Z I have been struggling with gender identity issues since I was a little kid in the 80s. I started coming out as nonbinary last month but came out as trans over a year ago and when of the biggest problems I have is when I have been on hormones a few weeks in the feeling go away and I think to myself ok it’s gone but then when I go off the meds I start to realize I should of stayed on them because I want to start transitioning all over again. Watch this video helps me know that this isn’t just me that is going thru all of this. There are many other who have the same issues.

I've had a spike in dysphoria lately but mostly manage through mindfulness and tools like "thanking the mind." Dysphoria doesn't just vanish, but I think for myself it comes and goes with a touch of gender fluidity. One thing I'm really curious about, however, is how to employ little affirming steps when the dysphoria is specifically the genitals and not presentation or secondary characteristics. As an AMAB person, I am overall fine with a predominantly masc presentation and generally don't sweat being misgendered with he/him rather than they/them. (Although, this may be one source of that spike since I have been feeling my gender as an AMAB, masc-presenting nonbinary person is largely invisible.) But the part of me that gets rowdy with dysphoria seems to focus on wanting to be as I pretty much am at present but with a vagina. I've done a bit of reading and am gratified to know I'm not alone in this - but it also seems like even gender affirming medical circles do not have a path to follow for an AMAB person who would be interested in vulvoplasty or vaginoplasty but then be on a regimen of T rather than E. Much of what seems to be offered in terms of gender affirming care is still very binary, even if smaller degrees of binary. For example, requiring a year of HRT prior to vulvoplasty or vaginoplasty. What about folks that want the affirming surgery but don't want estrogen HRT? Back to the matter of dysphoria, I always think back to your videos in which you refer to it as "white noise." I find this a handy way to assess myself by evaluating how "loud" is the white noise and how long has it been at this "volume?" It usually gets quieter after a few days - one reason I suspect I am somewhat genderfluid/flux - but it's still there in the background even if it's quieter. But sometimes even those quiet but persistent noises wear on you. When in doubt, I just remind myself that it's okay to be complex and gender is weird. :D

Good to see you again. I have been on hormones for 3 years. I find myself saying that I can change back to my birth gender but then I can't deny how much better I feel now. I say I would like to reconcile with my exwife but I remember how crushed I felt in that role. Born as male but discovering the trans world at 60+ I know how much change hormones made in my life. I want to go back but I also don't because I like myself now. So I get what you are saying. I am staying on hormones. I had a friend tell me that taking hormones is no different than taking medications to feel better. I agree. A great video!!

I thought that all of this would go away after I turned 30, I kept telling myself that, believing it. I'm 37 years old now and none of this has gone away :( In fact, that's how I found your channel, I'm having serious thoughts about finally accepting that this will not go away and as I get closer to 40 I wonder if it isn't too late to transition at this point in life :'(

I have been on hormones since 2003 , today i feel lost , i do not regret hormone therapy but i feel not happy living in a society that does not accept us , in Sweden we do not have good therapiests and its stigmatized , its still considered as mental illness even in the medical field specialists , i hate myself so much ....i think you are an excellent therapiest ...Thank you for sharing your knowledge ...

you are the smartest woman i’ve ever known of and appreciate the things you do.

I don't think that what you're saying here can be emphasized enough. I just put a post up relating to this on my Instagram. I am 9 days into quitting marijuana. I had to do this for some upcoming surgical procedures. Through the process of quitting (a very difficult process), I am now recognizing that this was truly an addiction. An addiction to deal with unacknowledged and then later fully acknowledged dysphoria. Again, only nine days into this, but already the changes have been profound. Transition saved my life, and now I'm reveling in this journey with a sober mind.❤🙏

Thank you Dr Z for your encouragement.

Spot on. Thanks for your channel!

Thank you for this video. For me my dysphoria does not seem to be going away. I've been working with my dysphoria for a very long time. Sometimes the feelings comes in waves. There are days when I can handle it and other days were it feels like my femm side is trying to kick down a door to come out. I've been trying my best to cope with it for years. For a number of reason I'm not able to able to come out so I've felt like I'm not living my "true" life. I almost feel like I'm missing the best parts of my life by not at least spending some time in femm mode. It's been a struggle.

Dr z your videos have been so helpful for me over the last couple weeks. Thank you

Morning DrZ.❤

I haven't started transition but have socially done so far a number of months and keep putting off hrt etc (despite nearly everyone I know treating me as a transwoman). It's mad how I keep looking back on myself, picking out happy moments and playing that game of yo-yoing back to wanting to be him. But it's a mirage as that is rose tinted glasses. But yet I don't push forward, there is still some resistance.. but maybe it's as simple as in this video...

I lied to myself by telling myself that my feelings didn't matter, and it wasn't important because other people had real problems. I was fully aware that my brain was essentially working as a woman's brain, but I was telling myself it wasn't important, and I just needed a little more time to be comfortable with being a man. I had to reach a point where I was taking my emotional experience seriously. I had to first accept that my emotions and thoughts were valid, that my wants and need were important, that self-care isn't a selfish act, and that I deserved to be happy.

yeah. DIY HRT has made a huge difference for me, but for the life of me I'm finding it hard to take the steps to do it properly. Getting my ASD diagnosed also helped a lot - I definitely don't feel as much of a need to "play the game" that neurotypicals engage in about gender, but I oddly feel *more* weird about my body now when it is time to show up socially. Having clothes fit weird is definitely a factor in that. For sure if I was 20 years younger, I know I'd want to move forward on the HRT/social transition a lot more (heck, that was when I finally decided that I needed to own my fundamental trans-nature). I just find it hard now, with my brain feeling better (b/c E also helps regulate any number of neurotransmitters) to move forward with the rest.

Again such a good points and content in general❤

Just found your channel. Great information

An excellent explanation and analysis of a serious complex condition, Dr. Z. I'm still unsure if being trans is a blessing or a curse.

HRT has been AMAZING!! Now I am moving towards the next steps of being myself. Yes, it's still scary even after knowing how much HRT has helped but living as myself is just so incredible! I am so much happier now than I ever was. I hope everyone can find the strength to move forward and be themselves.

A really important video. I have been on Hrt for several years and the hormones have made me feel great. I discovered that together with my coping mechanism of overworking my mind tells me that I don’t need to take further steps in my transition - I am about to apply for my name and gender marker changes - which I have now procrastinated about for nearly a year. Besides, dysphoria has reduced but flares up when not too busy working. I keep reminding myself that I feel like I do because I have taken steps towards finding myself. This video explains these experiences so nicely. Thanks again for your efforts in helping with your invaluable knowledge. 🙏😊

3:35 I'm this kind. Omg spot on

Dr Z, from your experience in your practice, can you explain in a video to viewers what other underlying causes look like gender dysphoria but when you investigate you conclude they are not, without going into specific cases of course due to privacy, thank you.

Thanks, I want to fight to get HRT, it's a slow process, sometimes I feel despondency attacking me! I am desperate to control the Disphoria chaos In brain! ❤

Well I forgot about the head noise after I got done with what I needed to do outside, can't keep my self distracted all the time. I should know better by now to question you. Its going to be a tough long winter up here in Wisconsin later this year.

My distress would be helped BY hormones fixing things like my face... BUT while I wouldn't say they're fixing anything in terms of that, TONS of weird things are better. Daily pounding headaches? Literally woke up on day 2 without them. My body doesn't feel physically weird 1/3 of days anymore. I don't seem to have dandruff anymore. My face doesn't randomly get weird and red and splotchy, nor randomly turn gray. It's like it's fixing all these weird things I had no idea it could fix. I went too long this past week, and started having my headaches threaten to poke through the shield, and started feeling increasingly WRONG until I couldn't wait until I'd finished cooking. It's indescribable how much better my brain and body felt within an hour and continuing to improve from there. Soooooooooo it's like I NEED this physically even if I'm a joke and will never get to be me. The headaches alone-it works as well as Excedrin did!

Hi Dr Z! Please talk more about genuine gender dysphoria vs that which may stem from other issues. Do you have a video on this? I believe my dysphoria is genuine, but I search for some possible underlying reason or cause so that might understand myself better. Also, regarding hormones, I want to start but fear that it could make my dysphoria worse as I am not currently in a position to transition. I fear that the emotions i would feel and the body changes I would experience, would only make me more dysphoric as long as I have to continue to present as male.

since starting hrt i can actually look at myself in the mirror and go THAT PERSON IS ME. i can finally take selfies i actually like lol. dysphoria is still bad tho, its just not as bad, and now its usually targeted on the smaller aspects such as things that'll make me obviously trans rather than before hrt dysphoria telling me that i am indistinguishable from a cis person with my agab.

Thank you DrZ for your work. One doubt has crossed my mind. I have quite a story with mental health care, as I have been looking after my mother, who is dyagnosed with bipolar disorder ,for +10 years. I can recall the DSM saying that one is a condition caused by a pyshiochamical brain imbalance, that is corrected through medication. This scheme comes to my mind when we talk about HRT as the "right hormones" and in that sense, is there any evidence that -let's say- "trans brains" suffer from an hormonal definicency corrected through HRT or it is simply the notion of being doing something about gender incongruency what causes dysphoria to lessen down? Thanks in advance.

👍 little steps then. Thanks 🙏

My extended family won’t see me because I am trans. I always wanted my full family to accept me! This world is getting harder I’m Christian and trans, I hate being off hormones. Being 26 since I was 5 I wanted to transition I just never knew it. I hate being a male I hate my body I hate Missouri law

Well crap, pretty sure that might be the situation I'm in. My whole world has recently been thrown into caos and my dysphoria has been, while not absent, wildly diminished lately. As a result doubt has reared it ugly head again.

Hey Dr. Z, I'm wondering if you know of any good ways to work through ambiguous genital dysphoria? I'm a 34 yr. old trans masc AFAB but I was sexually abused for several years just before puberty. I learned disassociation really quick and have struggled to shake it off when it comes receiving pleasure via my genitals, but now I'm wondering how much of it might be dysphoria. I only realized I was trans this spring after trying on a binder, I'm really excited for bottom growth from testosterone, and I enjoy penetration, I can accept that, so how can I get through or around the disassociation? I hope I gave enough information to make sense without being too long 😅. Thank you for all of your help!

As a 25yr old, do you have a video talking about how to differentiate genuine gender dysphorria vs other kinds of body dysmorphias? I want to make sure I'm making the best decisions for my mind and body and crossing off any other possibilities.

This is soooo much what I have experienced myself as a trans woman, it made me even fall in love with the guy that I used to be just by looking at my old photos as if it was someone else, and made me think that maybe maybe if I detransition now I can be that man, right? at least that imagined version of it, It never happened, never, because I eventually did detransition temporarily, but that was more due to transphobia existing in this society, it is also strange how all the anti-trans narrative only increased my dysphoria and my realization that I've been the one on the side of the truth all along, especially after my own awakening to the realization where transphobia comes from and how it can largely only exist as a result of being out of alignment with the core of who we are due to our negative beliefs rooted in a survival instinct instead of joy, expansion, inclusion and openness, and this is how insidious it can be as it can suck other people into it too. I have detransitioned years ago due to self hatred that made me believe that I am a pervert, wrong or mentally ill, one day my ex-friend turned into a transphobe made me believe this lie so much so that I forced myself to throw the hormones into the trash, burn all the clothes and everything related to my gender, I've done it in an act of rebellion with tears and desperation in my eyes wanting to be loved, all of a sudden that's all that mattered the most after all the mis-treatment I have experienced in the hands of society, I was willing to sacrifice my true self for this love, many years have passed since then and I realized how much I sacrificed myself for a false love, it was not real, and it was not me that was wrong, I only believed in a lie about myself just so I could be loved and fit in again. I was against the truth and the mother nature that I carried within myself. It can all seem so paradoxical, and it made me break down in tears over what I have done to myself.

As I feel more Gender Euphoric when I affirm myself socially and I have less Dysphoric days I begin to think to myself “maybe I was wrong”, “maybe i just needed to change my appearance, the way I behave & how I perceive myself”. But then i go through 2 whole ass weeks of not being able to do shit with myself. Due to having an ADHD brain I need a consistent routine and the second that breaks it’s really difficult to get back into it. Within those 2 weeks, sometimes an entire month. I start growing out my beard, start getting more acne, smell like a skunk & don’t have the energy to even brush my hair. Once I start looking like a boy I feel intense Dysphoria. I look in the mirror and can’t recognize who I’m looking at. I know it’s stereotypical to say but I genuinely feel like a girl trapped in a boys body. I can’t wait until I can medically transition 🤍

I never had the Physical dysphoria but having the dysphoria in public a lot with being a bigender person who never took hormones or surgery. When I present as the other gender while feeling that I belong to that gender but not agreeing with the traditional gender norms of that gender, it is hard to listen that I belong. And the worse thing is, I know someone who knew me BEFORE I came out to them and is really accepting and actually uses my other name/pronouns(male) and sometimes I feel the euphoria knowing that someone is accepting and willing to use them but the dysphoria sometimes is telling me different.

What do you mean trying to be a guy one last time for the 8th isn't going to work 😂. I've done this so many times because I'm afraid to actually go through with transition.

I'm 43 I'm super afraid of how the hormones could damage my body and also how the people would threat me because mexico is still a bad place to live as transgender. How can I help myself to feel better and accept who I am without the hormones? My dysphoria has become unbearable lately, I just can't go out without wearing woman clothes, I look for discreet ways to wear girl or unisex clothes but it's so hard, my mind is way to distracted watching other girls, how they can be proud of wearing girly clothes and I can't, looking their beautiful long hair while mine is scarse thin short and ugly, it's driving me crazy. I must to find a solution to this I just can't bear it anymore 😢. I just bought a beautiful wig and it feels amazing having my long hair again but it's something I cannot wear all day 😢. This is killing me.

Hi !I have a really big problem:Im a trans boy and I dont want to take testosterole at all,I mean I still have disphoria on the chest and other things but I dont want to change completely I just want to be like …androgynous.Am I faking to be trans or Im still valid?

M'y real trans can not stand HRT.

2nd best video in the history of KZfaq. ❤❤ Yo-Yo-ing? Sucks..Been wondering recently why I keep doing it. Thanks for the explanation? 🫂