Spent 30 years coping in unhealthy ways. Drugs, alcohol, overeating, and general body abuse. 3 months ago I came out because I couldn’t take it any more. Lost 74lbs so far, going to the gym 6 days a week, seeing a therapist biweekly, and started socially transitioning. Everyone comments about how happy I am and I would agree I am a lot happier. The only problem is the fear is still there it’s just a different type of fear. My therapist says at some point I need to give the middle finger to the world and do what makes me happy. I’m working on it. The thing I try to tell myself is one day at a time one step at a time. This is a hard road to go down but the alternative atleast for me was not a road at all.

I've also spent decades coping and denying who I am. Since accepting myself I actually care about my health and the future. Think ive been in zombie mode for a long time. Just kind of floating through life. I'm breaking the cycle. I have to. Its do or die.

I had many times in my life where the dysphoria was painfully strong, as early as 14 years old. I'd try to do things to transition in privacy, but it was always met with a lot of self hate and doubt. Then one year at the age of 23, it got so bad I decided I'd start weightlifting. I thought accentuating my masculine features would make me stop wanting to be a girl, that it would get rid of my dysphoria. I spent 9 years putting on muscle, spending 6 hours a week in the gym, pushing myself sometimes way too hard. At the end of it all, I looked at myself and realized I had never looked so good in my life, and I was still just as unhappy if not more dead inside. Transitioning was my answer, at the age of 33, and while I still deal with dysphoria at times, I feel like it's been the right move for me.

I absolutely needed this video today. My depression has been almost crippling this week. Feeling like it’s never going to happen for me. I’m never going to have the body or the life that I want. Throughout my 20s I coped with drinking. I wasn’t even aware I was transgender. All I knew was that I was jealous of the women around me and I didn’t know why. I finally got sober at 30. Without the alcohol to cope anymore I turned to pornography. I consumed a lot of it. I loved living in this fantasy where I was a sexy woman that had sex with a lot of men. That was another thing that caused a lot of pain. I could never figure out why I was sexually attracted to men but never considered myself gay. Anyways. It’s been two years since coming out to myself. I’m 38 now and it feels a lot better now just being aware that this is who I am. I live by myself and I’ve grown a lot more comfortable with coming home after a long day and changing into my female clothing. It’s a huge relief sometimes. But still the vicious cycle continues. It’s actually quite similar to the cycle of alcoholism I experienced in my 20s. I just can’t thank you enough Dr. Z for these videos. I love being interactive with others in the comments. I’m starting to feel a real sense of community here. I know deep down someday I will finally feel comfortable walking out the door as my true self. Until then it is a great comfort knowing that I have this community. ❤❤❤

I'm confronting my dysphoria head on. I'm pretty much out in public life as a woman. I go to work as Diana. I'm even going to my first family wedding in a dress this coming Saturday! Just two days away! I'm excited and anxious about it as while the family are now aware I'm trans, they haven't yet seen me dressed feminine.

I coped by buying myself stuff that made me happy. I bought way too much vinyl, cds, books, comics, video games to get my mind off of my dysphoria. That just put me in debt and cluttered my house. I also worked a lot of weekends so I wouldn't be stuck at home with thoughts of transitioning rolling in my head. I also kept thinking about my parents. I kept trying to get them to support me but they wouldnt. My mom's answer was well you're an adult. Basically I was all on my own. So they made me be scared to transition especially when my dad tried to scare me how estrogen would cause me to get cancer. I spent alot of weekends crying in my bed and not wanting to get out of bed. I had terrible depression. This may sound bad but after my mom died from cancer I felt like I had a barrier lifted. I was miserable before I started transitioning now I feel happy and free.

This is me to a tee, I have known I am trans since I was 14 but am now 44 and scared to lose everything I have built in my life, my wife, kids etc

Yes! As soon as I started transitioning I lost weight and was able to stop smoking. All because now my body really mattered to me.

Yep. That is me. I am 60. I have been diagnosed with dysphoria and accept it. My plans are to dress in private and try to beat this down as you say, I know, Good Luck!! lol

I so wish I had had the words to express what I was going through back in the day. My obsessive reading while growing up, my exercise kicks, throwing myself into my work when my ex, then spouse, was away and for a while after our separation, and so many other examples I could list. I'm so glad that I'm not trying to avoid who I am anymore and I can honestly say that your videos played an important role in that decision. Thank you. 💜

Thank you Dr.Z. I have been suppressing my dysphoria for years. It has become impossible to hide. I have talked to several people about who I am. I have a close lesbian friend who has a transgender niece. Our conversations have been very helpful. My wife of 42 years tolerates my female cloths and shaved body but she doesn’t like my long curly hair. For that matter, she doesn’t like anyone with long hair, including my two daughters and four grandchildren. Thank for the info. I’ll work on not continuing the cycle. Sandra

Wow. This was perfect for me to hear today. The cycles, so many over the years. Drugs, alcohol, work, family, creativity, all worked for a while but inevitably they all lost their power and I always spiralled down into a deep dark place, which over the past 2 years has lead me to almost take my life on so many occasions. Fear of what people think has held me back for so long, im 40yo now, 2 young children, and have hidden my dysphoria until 6 years ago when I met the most beautiful woman who accepted me, all of me. While I took major steps forward publicly I would always get scared when I did too much (as in publicly expressing myself) and would fall back into one of the cycles, mostly alcohol. This destroyed my relationship, my coping mechanism and depression. She left because she couldn't handle my cycles anymore. Heartbroken. In the past 5 months since she has left I have found that I need to take responsibility for me, I need to notice the cycles emerge and instead of 'coping' I now push myself further forward to where I want to be. It takes courage, so much courage, it can be exhausting, it makes my body shake at times. Vulnerability and openness with those around me has attracted so many beautiful souls in my life right now. I have started my medical transition, been on hormones for almost 5 months. Keep going. One day at a time.

I feel like I am addressing my dysphoria through interacting and talking online, especially now after I've been coping for about a whole year, but I don't feel like I'm doing enough. I'm a young adult but I'm still stuck with my family, they're not "open" transphobes but they object to me doing anything feminine out of "concern" so sadly, until I can move out there is not much I can do. It's so frustrating because only Very recently I started to seriously wonder if I'm transfem instead of just NB, but I can't confirm anything unless I'm really careful about it

Thank you for this video. My dysphoria cycle was in high gear recently and I was truly struggling. It’s finally at a much less severe and more manageable level, like a constant buzzing in my ear. I feel torn in two. Part of me wants to transition and the other part wants to just keep everything as is. It’s a tough spot to be in, but it works for now and I’m seeing a therapist who is helping me through it all.

I don’t usually talk about it, even online, but i think it all started when i was 12/13. I’ve been struggling with dysphoria since then and even now. I always watched conservative media and talking points (a few names you could probably guess) to bring myself out of it, but that dysphoria would always come back. I don’t want to be trans, i don’t want to ruin any relationships or future opportunities, just because i’d be seen as a male on cross-sex hormones, and honestly i can’t help but see myself that way too

AA has taught me that drinking is not coping.

I used that word just last week- stuck.

I’ve been sober for over a year. Started getting sober right after I came out. Admittedly things have been really bumpy but I also am so grateful I’m past that chapter. ❤ this video made me happy to hear. You give some really good perspective and insights.

This is me, to a T it seems, I cried listening to you, explaining. I have been doing this for many many years, and only now deciding to confront it, thought counseling now. Yes I am scared of what may come, admitting to others what I’ve been through all these years. I can only hope that I will find my way to a better me

You're describing me to a T. Been on this road for 20 some years but didn't begin to realize it until about 2 years ago, always attributed it to other issues in my life. Finally ended in divorce 4 years ago and have had time to reflect and finally see what is the issue at hand and it's not relationship or finances, it's my relationship to myself and start looking at who I actually am and feel like as a person. Trying to cut back the drinking and smoking while taking baby steps towards correcting the real problem. Thank you for the helpful insights that I am not the only person with these same issues it seems to ease my mind to some degree.

This was the video that I really needed this week. I am going to college in-person this year and while I am attempting to socially transition by changing my name and pronouns with my teachers (which was a huge step for me) I still get misgendered by all the other students and it is just frustrating. That has lead to me thinking about my body more and wondering why I can't be perceived the way I want to be which has only lead me down the road to depression because I am not at a place to be able to transition medically. I am trying to stay in a good place where I'm not using unhealthy coping mechanisms but now I'm starting to avoid leaving my house because I just don't want to be perceived. It's been a tough week but hopefully I can get out of the cycle one day.

I think my dysphoria is minor enough to where I maybe could have coped my way through life... but I'm feeling so much better now, to the point I'd never want to go back. Maybe I just got so used to the discomfort that I've been underestimating it XD

Unfortunately, I've kept all my bad habits, and developed severe depression. Maybe coz hormonal transition has barely changed me, and ill never be able to afford surgical transition to fix the deficiency of hormones either. Surgical transition will definitely fix my dysphoria, but as its basically permanently out of reach, there's no hope of alleviating it.

For many of us coping mechanisms are what keeps us going while waiting for treatment (whether mental health providers, transgender care clinics, or other professionals) for years. We're stuck in limbo where we know and admit to ourselves that we are transgender but society doesn't allow us to live as our true selves. Suppressing the dysphoria to the point it becomes manageable for a bit longer is what prevents us from dipping into suicidal levels of mental anguish. 40% of us end up killing ourselves before we get the help we need as a result, but if we didn't do this that percentage would be far higher. And society would love to see that, would love to see all of us kill ourselves rather than having to admit that we exist. But yes, for over a decade I created coping mechanisms to distract myself from what I was feeling inside. Whether that includes eating I am not sure, as I have been having cycles of binge eating for far longer than that (possibly originating with growing up poor and being told from a very early age to always eat everything you're given. When growing up I suddenly could buy much more food than I ever had before and ended up eating until I was stuffed, thus eating way too much). I've never smoked, drank or done drugs, in part because of my upbringing, in large part because I saw what smoking, and addiction to alcohol and morphine did to my mother. I did shut myself off from the outside world though to a large degree, effectively living in a fantasy world created out of bits and pieces of the hundreds of fantasy and science fiction novels I read each year. I ended up no longer giving a f*ck about what people think and doing what I can, wearing dresses and skirts rather than the male uniform of jeans and shirts. But it's ended up causing me more trouble in other places, more rejection by society, loss of job and finding it very hard to find a new one. Surgeries? By the time I'm through the entire rigamarole that's the transgender healthcare system here I will likely be too old, or rather have had my physical health decline to where my doctors will decide that it's too risky to perform the procedures. And that's if by then the government hasn't put age restrictions on healthcare, as they are seriously considering cutting ALL people age 55 and over off from ALL healthcare except emergency procedures (like setting a broken bone or giving some antibiotics).

You are a blessing, Dr. Z. Everytime I watch your videos it's like additional therapy on demand. You're not just here for the show, you not only talk about the general points - you cover it ALL. You name it ALL. Every video so far had me just checking (almost) all the boxes. And I can feel and hear that you CARE. ♥ This is wonderful! - You are wonderful! Take care!

It certainly is tough. For me some days I do feels like this struggle going on in my head. My femm side is trying to kick down a door to get out. But it is easier said then done to try copping with it and in some cases to get the time, privacy and freedom to express this other side of ones self is very tough depending on your living situation.

Thank you Dr. Z, I've gone through everything you have discussed. I needed to hear this. It's so sad that I put myself through this...

I’m struggling with this. It seems I can’t break the cycle. I’m 50 and exhausted. I almost had a panic attack halfway through this video. I had to stop and control my breathing. Last Thursday I’ve presented as myself for a whole day. It made me feel good but it also takes up all the energy I’ve got. So since then I haven’t showered nor shaved and depression is knocking on my door again. A fulltime transition is my goal but it has been for the last 4 years and I doubt I’ll ever get there. Thank you for all your insightful videos Dr. Z, how can we ever repay you? 🧡

the point around 21: 20 is so true, it definitely is scary thinking about the possibility of losing everything and having to reget friends again or having to change one's interests and crowds

I just order my first binder ,but I live in a small ,conservative ,southern(America) state and I’m scared to come out . I want to move not to fix everything but to be around more people they are going to be accepting and encouraging. I’m so tired of coping but I don’t feel ready to handle the consequences and challenges the go with coming out. At this point I don’t even know if I could handle the happiness and freedom ether.

I wish I heard this years ago, I've finally come to terms with who I am but after I ruined everything good in my life, especially by pushing away my partner I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.

Hi Dr. Z, I’ve been reading several of your articles. This one about coping has caused me to comment. It’s been at least 50 years since my dysphoria started, even though I knew nothing about that term. All I knew was I was different. I found that I enjoyed wearing feminine clothing, thought maybe I was a cross dresser or gay. I was anxious and depressed through High School. After I got out of school I had severe panic attacks and migraines, got on meds finally and that helped, but I had so much self condemnation and worried about what people would think. I hadn’t been with anyone and felt awkward around women. I did the love of my life. We are very happy together. I thought maybe that would cure me, but of course it didn’t. I felt more at ease to dress up and my wife found out. I told her how I feel, that I would like to become a woman. She talks about it if I bring it up, but I don’t talk about it too much. I don’t want to stress her out. I have admitted to myself that my feminine feelings are not going to leave. I am gradually accepting them and I’m enjoying the woman inside of me. I don’t know how much transitioning I will be doing , but I’m doing some small things. I hope I didn’t rattle on too long. Thanks

Im 24 amab and as a child I was always amazed by the fact that males could be females if they wanted but quickly discovered others considered it disgraceful so I repressed my desires. I always wanted to wear girly things, go to school in the girla uniform and so on. When I discovered through tv shows you could transition as a kid I knew I wanted that but gave up out of fear as those tv shows showed how parents got mad and you faced several stigma, then I began researching surgeries and so on. I self diagnosed my self not as transgender but as autogynephilic. I would go through shops looking at women clothes wishing I could use them (I even tried them several times) hoping when I grew up I could be independent and use them at my house all day. Sadly I still live with my family and the pandemic will make it very hard to move so I am very sad I cannot use whatever I want as my family are not exactly transphobes but not very eager for letting me be feminine so I feel stuck and feel like my chance to be a pretty woman is going away from me. I have daily dreams in which I dress as a woman and I have a femenine body

Dr. Z , Before I say anything about the topic at hand I want to thank you for being the nucleus of the community that is forming around you. You truly area godsend. That being said... Wow! This video brings back a lot of memories. 🤦 It's hard to believe it's only been 26 years. It seems longer, like something from a long forgotten history book. I did a lot of self destructive things to cope back then, far too many to list here. I started with brute force repression that bordered on dissociative identity disorder at age 4 or 5 and by age 20 I was isolated and circling the drain so to speak. Overdose or suicide were only all but a given because the so called "puppy" just kept growing. My dysphoria met it's match when I was introduced to a to a woman who had been raised by someone with my incongruences from a culture that valued those incongruences and encouraged making the most of them. Short lived as it was that friendship saved my life. For the first time in my life someone admired me for the very thing I had been taught to tear myself apart over. In some ways I am still healing from the damage I inflicted on myself trying to "fit in" but the "puppy" (dysphoria) was never the same after that. It turned my life around, I sobered up, went back to school, and built a life for myself. Unfortunately it was a life in hiding and I have had to hold back much of who I am as a person but thankfully communities are starting to form where that's unnecessary. Communities like this one. Love you all.♥️

So, I began the journey of becoming aware that I was trans and gradually learning to express myself and become aware about it in July and August of 2021. As I did each small step of exploration for me it opened up a whole door of a part of myself that really needed to be expressed. I tried running away, denying I had dysphoria (which I think is usually more mild compared to others) and it kept building over time and I kept getting more and more depressed and miserable and physically sick even. I finally decided to do something about it and just express my gender how I wanted to express it and I feel much better the further along I go with this and just being who I want to be. Every so often I try to dress and act like a guy and more often than not the dysphoria tends to come back and I'll then go back to affirming my gender and feeling better. So social transition has helped a lot but I still have physical dysphoria with my face and my body hair. I usually focus on my outfits and growing hair on my head in the mirror but if I focus on my face too long it can make me feel bad and feel like I'm "a guy in a dress". So I'm seeing a gender therapist and looking into starting medical transition to alleviate some of the physical dysphoria. Mentally and emotionally too it really bothers me that it is hard to express certain emotions sometimes and I have like a limited emotional range and that really bothers me too.

Hi Dr Z!! Yes I agree 💯 and once I decided to confront my dysphoria and do something about it I feel better and not the negative angry person I once was..I started hormones right away and I know that's not for everyone though. But it feels good to have a zest for life and now I am opening a online boutique!! Thank you Dr Z for all you do!!

That's me, I struggle myself alot but we're so beautiful and we're fighting for existence. Please don't give up Transgender family and lgbtq+ and advocates. We're in this together.

Yet again every word you say resonates with me! You're a wonderful Dr. Thank you

Needed this. It's all stuff i'm aware of, i just needed it to be said out loud.

I'm to the point I don't know where to go next I hate myself for shutting my family out but can't let them see that side of me

I used to claim to others, and really believed, that I didn’t use food emotionally. More and more I’m thinking that I did, as a coping mechanism for having no agency in my life. My life is a disaster even aside from THIS, and THIS causes me existential pain if I let myself dwell on it.

Yes, I recognize that I have been using these methods to avoid doing anything about my gender dysphoria. After too too many years I have finally found someone to help me deal with this issue. I have a long way to go, and don't know where I will get to but I at last feel happy that I am on the road to progressing with this. I enjoy your videos very very much. Thank you for your insights, they help clarify where I am very much.

ignorig dysphoria is like ignoring that red light on the car's pannel and covering it with black tape... it doesn't really turn that light of... AND DON'T SOLVE THE PROBLEM EITHER. The engine is going to break if it is still ignores... in human terms: burnout, anxiety, pannic attacks, etcetera etcetera etcetera.

I have been dealing with gender dysphoria my entire life 😢

When you said 3 years, it really hit me. It has been 3 years since I admitted to myself that I'm trans/nonbinary. Lately though I've been ignoring it, I've been procrastinating starting medical transition, and I'm terrified to acknowledge it to the people in my life. I've been going so long playing a part, that I've lost sight of myself. . .I don't want to lie anymore. Nevertheless continue to lie, I continue to let people think I'm something I'm not, and it only makes it more difficult with time. I'm most scared of the social transition, I don't want to be treated as a freak. I don't want to be treated like a landmine. I don't want to be treated differently or 'othered.' However I know that unless something changes I will continue to suffer. Part of the reason I suffer is how people treat me. Toxic family members forcing toxic gender role on me, and others that unintentionally remind me of my AGAB even if they're trying to be nice. I think the social part scares me more than I'm willing to admit. My coping skills have stopped working, and I realize that the dysphoria is much worse than I thought.

I have avoided the lifelong pain by overeating and looking at tg porn. I am now working on my weight by eating a healthy diet. I no longer want to look at the tg porn since I realized the underlying reason for viewing it.

Your videos have been so inspiring and helpful to me, I'm starting to look for a therapist in my area and deal with these long term issues finally

It's kind of funny looking at this from the other side. I used to have a lot of really unhealthy coping habits when it came down to it. I was an escapist for sure. Most of my hobbies (which I still enjoy, but to a much lesser extent) were designed solely for escape. DJing, immersive computer games, drugs, drinking, binge watching TV shows. Three months into HRT and I just... organically stopped leaning on so much of that as the dysphoria faded from a thunderous roar to something else. I can listen to that dysphoria now and see what bothers me clearly. Some things that can be changed... some things that, honestly, are features even cis women have. I'm in a much better place. I'd be lying if I said your videos had no impact.

Growing up in the late 1970's through the early 1990's we didn't have access to the information we do today so the cycle was able to develop and then hide in plain sight. Why didn't I want a girl friend like every other guy? And although I found the idea of sex intriguing why didn't I have this mad and passionate drive to pursue it like all the other guys seemed to? Why did I want to build a tree house one day and play with my sisters friends and their Barbies the next? Why did I go fishing off our dock one moment and then steal my moms makeup and my sisters dance outfits and practice ballet when no one was around? I suppose the earliest memories were easy to dismiss as being a curious kid. But later on what was my excuse when I was supposed to be trying to get a cheerleader in the sack and all I really wanted was to be a cheerleader. I had a 4 wheel drive truck that sat up high enough that if I just wore a jacket no one could see I was wearing a dress as I drove around town. I went through drive through many times and walked down lonely back roads just to get out dressed like I wanted to be somewhere other than behind my locked bedroom door. But, hey, God forbid someone find out. I would have been mortified and my parents were simply not the type to understand anything out of the ordinary so I had to stay in the closet. Besides, I thought, I found women attractive. Except, well, not appealing enough to chase them and on the rare occasions where things worked themselves into a sexual situation I failed miserably time and again. And when I finally succeeded, by imagining myself in her place, the end result was more of a "that's it?" That's the magic pill that's supposed to be the greatest thing ever? But when all the information you have is that dysphoria is a deep disdain or even disgust with the image you see in the mirror or else you don't have any, well, that makes it hard to see the cycle when you don't know that it can exist in a more devious and less obvious manner. So, marriage and divorce followed. Another long term relationship followed that and then eventually failed as well. When I went to counseling I found I needed to work on my leadership skills, aggressiveness without being a jerk and improving my masculine perception so that confidence would translate to the woman next time. Well, there wasn't a next time. I have remained single for ten years so as not to hurt myself or anyone else again. I came to understand very well why I wasn't the man most women were looking for but the root cause remained elusive despite evidence that to many who came up in the last 20 years would see as obvious. In the last year I've realized I've spent so much of my life running and living in escape mode. Sometimes those jaunts have been fun. After all, I do like to travel and the outdoors. But I spend so much time living in my head that the outside world is almost alien to me. How do people form and actually keep relationships? How do people enjoy socializing without becoming drunks? But I'm slowly starting to realize if I were able to express myself authentically then maybe none of these frightful or alien things would be an issue. I can walk down a dark alley a 2 A.M. with little fear but to go out and try to strike up a conversation with a stranger with the goal of possibly becoming friends scares me to death. I have solo hiked through mountain lion territory without worry, rafted Class V whitewater, even given speeches (I hate giving speeches) in front of large groups of highly educated professionals yet the thought of coming out even to a therapist is petrifying. But I know something has to change. I accept that my inaction will continue my stagnation in life. And though I reported here that the term gender euphoria seemed to fit me better I have learned since that I do have dysphoria and have my entire life and coping with it has seen me do some silly and occasional reckless things. But more than that it's kept the person I could be imprisoned inside. Always afraid to reveal too much and always in denial that I could even be trans in the first place. After all, I couldn't have kept it contained for 40 years if I were really trans, right? My "puppy" as you put it has grown into a vicious guard dog who only guards me and all I have done over the years is kept it from biting me. But it's still there, waiting.

Oh wow I needed this so bad today especially

It happens to me. It’s so painful, but I don’t know how to face it.

I like the puppy and the leash. It explains quite a lot . For me, right now, I have my puppy on the leash so I can play music with boys. But I still have my pink part .

Thank you!

Drugs, immersion into entertainment like gaming for multiple hours a day, focusing on other people's problems as well as the world's to ignore my own. I know the cycle well and I'm ready to break it. As the artist grandson once eloquently put it in his song overdose, what are you going to do when the drugs don't work anymore? No the drugs dont work anymore, anymooore, anymoooore, no the drugs dont work ~

hey hi guys, I've been struggling with mild dysphoria since I started actively questioning my gender 4 years ago (began questioning cuz all my friends were trans). I really resonate with Dr. Z's point about being scared shitless that I now MUST transition. I don't want to be a man :( I still feel connected to aspects of womanhood. But everywhere I turn, I am told I'm just in denial and am actually transmasc. But I am so sad, I don't want to give up womanhood, or femininity for that matter (although I know there are femme trans guy! very valid! but I don't personally relate). I feel like I am just lying to myself, and that's what everyone in the online trans community is telling me. But these feelings feel real--the ones that scream I DON'T WANT TO BE A BOY. But also, I still have a lil dysphoria :( don't know what to do :(

You're talking about me but I just can't make up my mind I know I've had these feelings for as long as I can remember I've went from drinking to much to drinking and wearing feminine under wear now that's getting to be not enough and now I've started shutting my family out

Doctor I'm in tears... I just watched your video about midle and severe dysphoria, and then finally realized that I never had middle, but yes severe dysphoria. I was just trying to ignore it since I was kid. I was just trying to bury it. Severe addiction to videogames, then it just became boring. Masturbation, too. Food eating (sometimes happens yet). Even social media addiction, interaction, I had became addicted specially in this pandemic - and for my lucky, that was how I discovered about transgender and could express myself in the past two years -. Watching movie recaps its being the next addiction it seems. But I never felt good, everytime that's the sensation of sadness, empty and that brain physical discomfort. And I never knew why, what was wrong. And I always lived it alone, cried alone, and still living it alone. Sometimes it hurts so much, but I think I have conformed with. It gets in to a point that I have only few things that gives me pleasure, the rest I didn't feel that much anymore and I know that's something to concern. And I became an disinterested person about everything, despite in the deep of my heart existing an fateful and desire to live girl. And now watching this video you had just said everything that I was doing. I'm feeling exposed, you really make through now 😭🙏 And all this avoidance, all my attempts to ignore it had only nearly destroyed my life. I've failed in every single dream that I had, because I couldn't have enough mental energy to focus and prepare how I know I could, however didn't because all of this. But I also know that if I had push it more I will had loose control of all of this that I was holding, and then breaking in pieces. So I think that I done my best with what I had of knowledge. I'm 26 now, in Brazil the best universities are all public, free. But since I was 18 there isn't any year that I didn't get selected to there. I know I wasn't being able to go because I needed to work to help in home, and knew that if I had go I'll not be able to handle all the stress from there and for having some job or seeing difficulties at home (even knowing I could, but) because of my coping that I thought was working I will not could. I don't know how I had pass, because I never could study without my distress appearing, so I usually run away from reality with something else. So I dumped in workaholic, what only worsened everything. I had a promotion, but it was so demanding that I couldn't handle. Never felt that bad. And I know it's because of all of I was buring and worsening the rest. I ever felt ashamed of my body, my face, my voice, my genital since childhood (I remember at this day at 6yo looking in a mirror and feeling that). I ever felt me as having an weird and ugly face, and didn't matter how beautiful people felt it being. Disconcerted was how I always had act and felt, I felt myself so awkward. Wrong, shallow and clumsy. My face, my voice and my genital, but my face, omg I was so ashamed of my face, always looking to the ground, wanting to anyone see. The brain disconfort I feel even now, it's really something that remembers a headache. Constantly, everytime, everyday, only sometimes it diminishes. I don't think I have a low self-esteem anymore, I don't know it's so weird, I'm didn't feeling insecure. Maybe I'm just accustomed, conformed. Maybe was some coping mechanism of forcing me to not felt. But I never liked going outside, even today. My life goal was to live in a apartment and not exiting for nothing, only at night if needed. I hate being flirted because I don't like myself, my face, my voice, my way of walk, my body, and now I see it: I don't like to be noticed, to see as someone who exists, because I'm not accept existing by this way. I can't hold it anymore. My coping had make me die inside, I'm dead in my mind. Perhaps I'm psychologically in idle mode, because if I open a little all can pop out. Like if I'm waiting for something to free me. I'm not feeling all my disphoria in full but I can't study, can't do my daily things, can't be present in the places, can't go outside. I don't have any friends, I became anyone, I had anything, and now I see that was my avoidance that maked me lethargic, incapable. And I know I have so much potential, that makes me cry sometimes, being wasted instead of helping society. And only when I act girly and look girly that's when a fire, a warm sensation rise all of my body and I feel so realized and complete, well, in peace, capable. I had give a chance in this moment to dig in all of this that I have buried and I start to feel that I wanna feeling the feminine body that I have in my soul, I wanna feel the hrt, even surgeries I saw I'll like. I'm wanting so much to give expression to this that seems is screaming to me almost tired. I'm wanting to do everything that's necessary. I'm giving me a chance to feel all of this without feeling ashamed of my face, or wrong, or incapable, but happy, feeling as me. I'm afraid of feeling so bad if I let all the dysphoria that I'm holding manifest, that I'm thinking in going slowly. But I'm already bad, can't do anything. Literarily. Maybe I need to feel everything that I'm holding. The universities exams is at two weeks from now, I think I should give me this chance to one time in my life be completely free. Sometime ago I've said that I had the option to transitioning or live doped, and what I didn't know was I'm already living doped with all this accumulated things. I don't care anymore, I just wanna feel better, feel me as myself. Now I understand doctor what you had said about this not being about strong but necessity. Because I hold it all for being stronger, and I'm only letting all this to be for reaching my weakness. Seeing everyday your videos had helped me to dig in more and more. Doctor I love you, thank you for everything, I'm always going to remember your help. I promise I'll be okay and myself.

Yes! I want to try HRT in moderate way, I want to wear clothing that makes me feel feminine. You inspire me, 😊. Love ❤️ 😍 💖

my dysphoria is getting more intense, I've tried to cope with it by completely withdrawing from life and only engaging with it as a fantasy, but I'm trying to break out of that cycle now even though facing it head on feels very difficult and demotivating

Thank you Dr.Z, but for me it was really the first time that i wanted the world to see me as female so even though i felt very depressed at the time i took it as a positive and reflect on that when i'm down, i now notice more how i sit and make a conscious effort to walk slower and more deliberate, very odd feeling my hips sway lol i feel some of the walls beginning to come down and feeling emotions though weird and very strong at times, i'm just so happy to be able to feel and to cry, i don't want to be dead inside anymore so i do feel forward movement, definitely need a community for support, perhaps when i find a therapist i feel comfortable talking to they can point me to something local. i know there are some things that may prevent me from HRT since my family has a history of heart disease and cancer but maybe i'll at least be able to be rid of the male parts that cause so much anguish

This hits close to home I only want to transition without surgery but the resources geographcally and financially are not avaiable to me as well as i fear the area i live in a little bit due to it being very conservative. I have been dealing with my Gender for a decade since i figured out I was trans. I have some bad copeing habits but also i dont fully supress it so they dont dominate my life though as time goes on I am finding I desire more and more to just live how i want to. I am trying to find a way to overcome my fears and the restriction i have.

I have a deadly combination of Dysphoria and OCD. I have spent decades trying to manage it, mostly spending girl time in the shopping malls one day every two weeks. But it has never been enough. Fully transitioning is scary. I have a fully supportive wife who just wants to see me happy, but I am not brave enough to come out to anyone else. Whenever i imagine what it will take to fully transition, I see losing everyone and everything😢. I feel like I cant do this to my aging conservative parents and my young boy. Why do they have to suffer my pain. Secondly, because being a girl two days a month is not enough, how do i know if my dysphoria will go away if i transition. This very informative video is spot on!. Yes I am trying to put a leash on the wild puppy, but unfortunately the alternatives are too damaging. Right now, i just try to stay busy all the time and do meditation whenever I can. This is my way of dealing with it. Thanks Dr Z. Your videos are so amazing!

it is terrifying and i'm not sure how to break the cycle i don't have anyone to talk to about it so i watch channels like this and read the comments which help tremendously. i've written comments often but when i start to proof read it i find it starting to look like a chapter in a book so i wind up hitting cancel the majority of the time. a month ago i had to go to the hospital for a large kidney stone they were going to try and break up, when i woke up in recovery i had a catheter in hooked up to a collection bag which kind of hit me hard since it calls attention to my biggest dysphoria that i've tried to ignore going back to at least junior high. anyway since i had no one to take care of me at home i had to spend the night and a nurse was scheduled to come in every 4 hours and hook up a syringe and push some fluid back in me then try to pull it back out and even though i know in my head that i'm just another patient and they don't think anything of it it really bothered me that they saw me as male and not female. that was the first time it really hit me that people saw me as something i really never felt i was, maybe because in the past i never thought that there was any other real option for me i don't know but it really hit me hard. being back home now for close to a month hasn't been a whole lot better since having a stint in me constantly calling attention to that area that i wish i could just get rid of so i wound up destroying a gallon of chocolate ice cream first, that just left me depressed, i've spent a lot of time on you tube watching content and reading comments, listening to other people's stories which helps me to see some hope. i also do the dangerous (too hard to resist sometimes so more clothes added lol) Amazon dreaming looking at outfits wondering how they'd look on me silly things like that, i started a list so every time i see something i like i add it. even though i know it's kind of a crutch i find it helpful to slip into a dress when i'm really down, it doesn't fix anything but i find a sense of peace and a desire to move forward. i've started looking for a gender therapist in my insurance plan but they aren't broken down like that and not everyone has a website that states what they specialize in. so it looks like another long rambling post again but it's hard to organize my thoughts first things just sort of pour out. i am grateful to people that take the time to talk about this and share their experiences, hopefully someday i'll be able to help others as well. can i ask if you will talk about Orchiectomy at some point even if it's just a snippet? i guess i don't understand why it's such a big deal in the medical world, on the farm it's not even something that you think twice about, i get that the purpose and procedure is different and unlike tying tubes there's no going back but when you're in your 60's and already had a child??? from what i've found even when serial rapists who ask the judge for it they tend to go with a chemical castration instead of actual removal. off topic i know but maybe it would be helpful to others as well.

I feel really called out by this video. Sitting here crying my eyes out, while watching it. I know, I am still using some bad coping mechanisms, because I am stuck at the moment. I’m quite sure, I‘m nonbinary, but there is still doubt (I‘ve watched your video, nothing changed so far). I’m socially out to most people in my life and had nothing but positive reactions. But my native tongue is heavily gendered, I haven’t found a fitting alternative and I’m still using everything as before, so it doesn’t feel like there was any progress, hence Dysphoria kicks my ass. I’m terrified of some of the side effects of hormones, because they might be too much and push too far in a direction, that I don’t want to go in. The little feeling of self worth that I have, relies heavily on a certain aspect of myself not being changed and HRT will do exactly that. My body just puts me square into the middle of my AGAB, I can’t look at myself in the mirror without misgendering myself and it hurts. I’m stuck. I’m know that, but right now, I don’t see a way out…

Im 62 and have been "coping" with it for decades. There are times when i can't do or remember anything of the day. Its like my brain has gone into limbo and im just mindlessly going thru the day with thoughts of transitioning and anything female related. I've spent hours on the internet looking at dresses, makeup, hair, anything female related. I find myself looking at other women and comparing myself to them and scrutinizing their makeup or the way they are dressed and wishing I could be like that. It feels extremely creepy knowing I WANT TO BE THE WOMAN! Drinking and being a workaholic was my coping mechanism. I came out to my wife 6 years ago and it was really bad around the house. I thought for sure I was going to be alone. It took us 6 years to talk about it openly and I had read about hrt helping with the dysphoria. My wife suggested I try it so im waiting for my appointment day!!! I find that little things like removing all body hair, letting my hair grow out, and wearing bra and panties under my "male" shell does help. I locked my female side up in my brain but I can't keep her quiet anymore....she is screaming to get out!!! I love your videos!!!! I find myself relating to A LOT OF THEM!!! THANK YOU!!!!

This is the first time I'm actually dealing with how I feel. I don't believe in "coming out" as heterosexuals don't need to declare to the world who or what they are. So, here goes ... I'm NB, 51 and pretty sure that I'll need a therapist to do some light hormone therapy and either a reduction or top surgery to make it how I see myself. I've been rather obsessed with reading everything for about a year and for some reason thought I would have to go the whole way, meaning transition. I'm deathly afraid of the court of public opinion and I don't really want to change my name, etc. I've been ignoring this for a while and for the longest time did not know what the terms were for how I was feeling. Always been a tomboy, wanted to hang with the guys, do what they do and I guess what also through me off is that sexual orientation is that I'm bi. Sticking with one of the gender norms seemed safe, but it's really kept me silent and single for twenty years. Now I just need the motivation to pick up the phone and find a therapist in the area. This and several other of your videos helped. I don't have to fully transition, I can be my authentic self and be queer and NB. Thank you!

Wish I saw this video 20 yrs ago....

"Freud wasn't wrong" one of the few things he wasn't wrong. But yes, we seek pleasure and minimize pain. Sadly we self-induce lower pain, but prolonge it further by denying who we are.

This makes sense in theory however in reality folks have bills to pay, families to contend with and wives and friends - the threat of losing this all is quite overwhelming - and begs the question is it worth it to be you ? Money drives the world and the reality is getting a job or careeer as trans is very hard or if one does mostly likely minimum wage work - going from make to female is expensive too - the way I see it is it’s all or nothing you can’t be a partial women and expect to pass in society which is so appearance driven

Two things: So if I have all of my surgery and everything already set up is it okay to eat an entire pizza while I wait? Also are you telling us to kill the puppy or keep it healthy and raise it so that it gets bigger? I'm not sure that analogy went very well 🤣 Love your work and your videos, just being silly here 😉😝

The phallic shape of this mic is very distracting