I appreciate that perspective.

Because people often feel they must stay in miserable marriages for bigger reasons. Not everyone is an individualist. There are people who stay bc they want the family to remain intact, religious dogma, to get by financially, to prevent their children from despising them, to not lose face/honor in their own eyes or the eyes of the community (I abandoned my family) etc. Life is not as simple as "I am miserable/I am not miserable."

Glad you’ve found your stand. It may be part of the why of this connection was to help you with your loss. And it may be part of that loss will come up now to be felt fully and grieved. If you can, have some other places you can get support. Wishing you courage on your path 🙏

@@thejackbutler thank you! I have lots of support! 🤗

@@thejackbutler hi am Jane by name would you love to have me has friend

@@i_am_a_friend hello, how is situation with this married man ? no any contact with him anymore ?

Key word vulnerable. I lost my son and a no good married man entered my life and when he left it felt like someone died again. They'll leave you like you never existed.

I feel the some way .

Me too!!!!! So much sense and actually, great things to say directly to him as to why this needs to happen. xx

Or just stop being pathetic girls

Ditto

Yes!

I don’t think anyone’s worthless but I understand what you are expressing

TRUE!

I felt the SAME exact way. Never EVER thought I would be in this position. But the enemy works !! When you lost yourself and someone is breathing life back into you in certain ways.. it’s like a high. You continue to chase it and want it at no cost. It’s wrong & it is disrespectful on all levels. Also In my situation I was tricked into it. Not every man discloses their marriage.. Gotta think about those scenarios too.

I used to say the same lol. You never know who you meet in life and what kind of emotions they reveal in you.

@@laurelinel.claeys5850if you had it done to you, you would never inflict that pain on someone else! It’s still a choice.

@@laurelinel.claeys5850 exactly… I fell into similar situation and never before in my life I would think that would happen to me. I was naive and thought he was very unhappy wanting to come out of it just like I did leave my marriage few years before. But it wasn’t exactly like in my case. I am still hurting, but leaving this situation is what is right.

You don’t sound like you are done with him. This seems more like pressing him to “miss you” and come running back. Hopefully you moved on and so did he.

Way to go 🥰

Michell, you did the absolute right thing. Perhaps, that's why it was very difficult. No, there is no pressing or manipulating on your part. You, in fact, likely ended his manipulation. Regardless of the outcome, you respected yourself and placed a high premium on your love and affection. If he can't appreciate it, it's his loss. Healing takes time. Hang in there ❤️

@@adsj1017 ❤️Thank you.

I did the same two weeks ago. Incredibly painful but had to be done.

Exactly

People marry people they should NOT have married all the time. There's nothing sacred about a poorly matched relationship, just bc you mumbled some words and got a license. Not all marriages should have happened.

Better yet: stay away from people you don't love. That includes spouses in a crappy marriage.

Love hearing this. Thanks for being open to it! 🙏🙏

Yes, I did. I did leave. It was so painful and sometimes still is. But I am keeping strong because I know it was the only right thing to do.

Happy it was landing that way

It will get better eventually when you start putting yourself and your needs first.

I hear that. Sounds like you have your answer. I think guys will sometimes be jealous even though they are not committing.

Call his bluff on this open relationship claim, ask to meet his wife. Funny how he is jealous of you dating others if he is indeed into ORs

Watch his actions only.

That is absolutely true. I am still hurting because the choice to leave was so painful and the feeling of loss and getting used to the new reality. But when I think back… I didn’t have him anyway. It was all an illusion. And very painful one.

Hope you're ok.. I was really judgemental towards another lady like you so I'm sorry about judging you and your situation in even entertaining a married man - good luck in healing and love yourself xx

​@@nikstar1313 Trust me I was that judgemental woman too. Who never thought in a million years would even have a slight interest in a married man. But it happened and it's the first and last time. Our hearts don't know logic and I was blinded. I used their separation as an excuse but I take full accountability and I'm trying to forgive myself. Thanks for your support.

@@nikstar1313 I’m curious about what happened now ☹️

@@maryamal-wahaibi8537 Hello there, I’ve actually been doing very very well according to my therapist but some days I feel angry and sad but I have my channels to let out these emotions.. It’s been longer than I can count now in no contact and I have been deep in trauma therapy weekly, that is the lifesaver for me. I can’t believe how much I have learnt about how codependent I was. I am a recovering codependent and I’m feeling much more confident and assertive in who I am since I have a strange myself from my family. My support system is amazing and the most beautiful angels have appeared in my life now.. way less depression now I know I am the family scapegoat, in a place where I can heal now.. I couldn’t even think about being in a relationship omg and I still feel triggered by women and men who need to jump into a relationship immediately after they’ve broken up with someone. It shows that they cannot be by themselves and do not want to reflect on any past actions because in that case, they would have to take responsibility for yourself and accountability for choices that may not be good for them sorta thing, it might just be a way of filling the hole with external temptations like so many ppl do instead of trying to find the root of their issues. Many baby boomer parents are and were so fqn narcissist, selfish, entitled, codependent and needy, same as men who can’t be alone. Lots of love and best wishes!

@@nikstar1313 … sad but sometimes these people… don’t tell us they are married. Then you find out everything at one time. You struggle with the love you have for them…. Then the feelings of….. why did you not tell me..😭😩 That kicks off so many emotions…such heartbreak… then as a believer in God… I felt soo awful. Also, the emotions of Will they do all this to me. It’s such an emotional roller coaster. Love and hugs to all that struggle. I love with all my heart and so easy. Try and forgive. Moving on from him has been hard. But I’m the end….. He is still with his wife. Jack… is an amazing soul. I don’t feel that there are many like him. He has been a blessing to me… more than he will ever understand. ❤️🙏🏻We have to learn to re love ourselves. Most important ☮️🌞❤️🙏🏻

Happy this was so confirming for you / thanks for the rewatches! 😊

Build you own future. Try doing that with a man who’s not in a committed relationship with his wife. He’s a back stabber or he wouldn’t be cheating on his wife. He’d be doing you every now and then and he’s doing his wife all the time (probably tells you he’s not). So you’re being used and you two adulterers are ripping his soul bond with his wife all to hell. Statistics show that men usually don’t leave their wives and if they do and join the adulteress fling partner it doesn’t work out the vast majority of the time. Your wasting time getting used and all the while ruining other people’s relationships. The man wins. He gets to eat his wife and his whoredog too. Protect yourself. Respect yourself and respect other women. Don’t entertain an affair. You will get hurt deeply. Everyone will. If he’s cheating on his wife then he’ll cheat on you too because he’d already be cheating on you with his wife! You just believe the dickhead and think he’s not.

Best wishes ❤️

Sorry that happened. Curious if it would serve you to fully release him if you aren’t going to reconcile?

You nailed it. And the wife is not being treated as good as the mistress because the husband is only showing his sweet side. How much he admires the mistress. She does not get the real version of that man just yet.

Happy to hear ☺️

Yep I hear you, it does still suck. If you or someone needs help moving on, check out my new Reclaim Your Power program: bit.ly/RYP2023

Ha! Awww

Happy this was so helpful for you / thanks for the sub

Glad this was helpful & sobering 🙏

That’s the thing… they will be around while they need you and then at any time they can say - we drifted away, things are not working out and leave you shattered and alone…having wasted your precious time.

Right on

You are brave. it's like we should never tell the wife to "protect" her / the couple / in the end, the liar. Why is so ? Why men should be able to lie and hurt the women and we have to protect their lies , or we are called "hysterical" or "crazy". I want to tell his wife so much sometimes, how a liar he is to her. Then she could also date other people and take back her power.

@@BombaStickization that is how they get away with it everytime. The second woman believes him and does not tell because she is afraid he will leave. He never arrived to begin with. I do not like being lied too and giving no choice. So i gave her the choice he didn t gave her also. It is his choice to live double lives not ours. I would want to know it too if my man cheated.

I needed this wake up call! I’m ready to go and live my life without waiting around by the phone. Damn you are one of the best! I’m glad I came across you

Happy you got the wake up call! Onwards!

Thanks for your share - and yes to putting the right priority on yourself 🙏

You’re welcome 🙏

I am listening to this episode everyday...it is helping me to fall asleep in peace.

Yay

This Married guy?

He is not your twin. It is the excitement. Get out whule you can

Fuck the "twin flames," girl! That's a fairytale. Put both your feet on the ground.

🙏

Thank you :)

No truer truth has been spoken

RULE #0: NEVER, EVER continue a relationship with a person you rationalized yourself into marrying or rationalize yourself into staying with, despite a lack of love. It makes for a sh*tty life.

Happy this was a wake up call. Wishing you strength and grace 🙏

That's hard. Sometimes your mental health may mean you have to make career decisions accordingly - asked to be moved off certain projects, change office position, get transferred or leave.

You're welcome

Right on!

@@thejackbutler I have been watching this daily to help me NOT message him or go back into that situation. It is really difficult to not message or think about him, but I am getting there. I KNOW he will show up here soon and I want to be strong enough by that time to not accept being second best. Thank you again for being so direct. I needed to hear and feel this. I love watching your videos. You are very genuine and I have come to realize that I am one of those women who you are talking about that goes for emotional unavailable men. I need to work on this.

@@marisimpson4503 You're welcome. Quick thought - maybe you would do well to set a boundary so that you're not actually available to be 'come back around to'?

I'm watching over and over !!! Need this advice to sink in..

@@stellieable Thanks for the rewatches!

Why don’t you take a no contact break in service of finding your clarity? If you want coaching support, reach out via www.jackbutler.com/contact

Look, if he has grown children nothing should stop him now. It seems he just doesn’t want to rock any boats and wants his comforts. He doesn’t love you truly because if he did - he would care about your well being and know that what he gives you as a man is nothing. Man offers security and stability to a woman he loves. He can’t give you that. Just because his wife didn’t do anything wrong doesn’t mean he should stay while betraying her silently. It’s not right. Just because she doesn’t know doesn’t mean it’s not a betrayal. He just has it all his way so it suits him. It’s selfish. He can still support his wife and his family and respect her while divorced and separated. Most men are weak and choose their comforts over woman’s feelings. He has his family and security and you have what? If he chooses his life this way, you should exit his life as he doesn’t deserve to have 2 women in his life. One is betrayed silently and lied to and the other gets the crumbs. Of course if you are happy to live this way, do. But if you are unhappy it will only get more taxing on you. You already have put up with this for a long time. He made you used to it and would want to keep it this way. You are literally showing him you are ok with nothing but sweet words and sex.

Thank you so much for your honest reply. You are right. I have to walk away. Bless you

@@janfarman7629 you are welcome. I understand because I have been there. And it was very painful. The choice of walking away was even more painful. The process of letting go and getting used to new reality without him was brutal. Sometimes still is. There are days , like the past few days where I ache, my Soul aches in pain, my heart does to. But ultimately I know inside my heart and Soul this is for the best. And I had to do it for me. And I encourage any woman to choose herself first - herself and her needs and her dreams. Because at the end of the day that’s what these men are doing too. And also, I believe strongly, that God/Universe wouldn’t send me a soulmate / life partner who is someone else’s husband. I call us Star crossed lovers. Not meant to be. But it was there for a reason. To teach me something important. I have learnt to walk away from someone I loved which I never done before. Though there was love, it was also very hurting and draining love. It was selfish love. And I chose myself. P.S. if you wanted to chat, I would be happy to connect. I am also fresh out of it. And still healing. ❤️‍🩹

Don't be too hard on myself. Also the 'slipping back' isn't always that everything you did before is undone. In climbing terms it can sometimes be like going back to the last place you clippped, not back to the beginning. You're learning and it's okay to have permission to learn especially when it's something so hard. You got this in the fullness of time 🙏

This is the one I continue to watch. After a 5-year affair, I’ve been VERY slowly distancing myself. I no longer meet with him. His wife checks the phone bill now so our daily phone/text conversations have become emails once every two months. It’s so hard to say no to him but I’ve finally put my foot down. It hasn’t heeled my heart but it’s helped my self esteem. Thank you again. ❤

@@kimfickes997that back and forth is horrible. I hope you are keeping strong. But to fully heal and faster, total no contact is best. Delete everything of his, photos, messages and don’t communicate because … after being in this for so long (5 years is a long time), you have formed an emotional and energetic bond and you will always be weak and go back to see him. Just go total no contact. Forever. It will be brutal initially, but with some self love and choosing your needs and wants, you will start feeling lighter, feeling free.

Oh my, do I fully relate to your feelings !!!

It’s normal to hurt. But choose you and your needs first. These married men want their comforts and everything to suits them only. Selfish…

@@trinityp8575 Her needs ARE being with that guy. What part of that...?

@@roses6564 you didn’t understand correctly. I said choose your needs first. Which means to focus on herself and what she wants. She wants a full time real partner for whom she will be one and only I assume. Which means to let this married guy go.

@@trinityp8575 We don't know what she REALLY wants. But I assume that if she got in with a married man, she must be in love with that particular man. The needs of people who are in love with an actual person are to be with that person, under just about any conditions, barring direct, hands-on abuse. If the goal is the abstract idea of having an abstract partner to fill a role and personal needs, then yeah, she needs to fish elsewhere. However, rarely do people insist on a married person unless their heart is fully with that particular person. Sending them to find someone else available is akin to telling them to drink wood when they need water. If she is in love with him, her ultimate needs are to be with that man - even if he's married.

Fully grown men usually have the courage to tell their partners if they are sleeping with someone else. Wouldn't you want a relationship where you can open your heart to develop feelings?

@@thejackbutler sure. But I don’t wanna be in a relationship right now. I connect with him on many level especially intellectually and we talk a lot about different topics that we don’t get to do with others and also have physical intimacy. For now I’m ok with that. If I develop feelings, I can cut it off especially if I don’t see us working out

​@@FransceneJK98hey. It's 2 years later. I'm curious what your position is now re this relationship you have . Everything you wrote made sense but I'm sure your feelings got involved eventually! Looking forward to your update on this and how you feel now with where you're at ! Best,

☺️ Happy this was validating 🙏

Thanks for hearing it

I have a question regarding no contact do I tell him I'm done or just no contact just move on? Idk if it's the best for me to talk to him in person or just text it or say nothing at all. Help lol

@@collenebartch3669 Better to communicate if possible because then it leaves you less susceptible to getting reeled back in

Colleen Marion 🙌

Amen... so sick that any woman would even want a weak little bitch of a man who left his family. I think I’m done listening to Jack after this one. He doesn’t understand the destruction this leaves. I can’t believe he’d encourage this, this is how people... kids... get hurt. There’s nothing more selfish than this topic. You will NEVER be happy at the expense of someone else.

@@jennyw9656 what if it's mutual...the divorce

It's not the other woman's fault, there's no bad karma coming to her. They met for a reason. If a man is unhappy in his marriage, and even if it takes another woman for him to realize it and get the courage to leave... That's still the right thing for him to do. No one should stay in a situation where they are unhappy. Period.

@@eternal_nomad exactly

🙏 Historically ENFJ/P though certainly much more of my I in last decade

Jack Butler I feel you fellow NF! I knew deep down you were one! I am INFP 🤪🤷‍♀️😂

Thank you

Thanks for letting this impact you

Glad you found your clarity and power. Good work ⭐️

I feel the same. It still hurts but I know I did the right thing. The healing process is so hard.

Happy to hear that 🙏

Unrequited love/commitment can be hard to let go of, don’t be hard on yourself. If you want my support, see my mailing for my current coaching special through this wkend (or contact me via www.jackbutler.com)

Usually it means he’s not willing to honor his truth if he’s looking for her to cause an argument. Can you disengage and see if he actually decides whether he is going to stay or leave?

This is my situation. He’s in a very unhappy, arranged marriage. If he leaves he loses his whole family. I’ve set him free from the affair as I don’t want him to lose it all for me x it’s heartbreaking x

Glad you found it was for the best, hope you're healing and moving on

Thank you!

😊

Welcome!

So happy this helped and you took your action. Onwards 💛

Build you own future with a man who’s not in a committed relationship with his wife. The infidel is a back stabber or he wouldn’t be cheating on his wife. He’d be doing you every now and then and he’s doing his wife all the time (probably tells you he’s not). So you’re being used and you two adulterers are ripping his soul bond with his wife all to hell. Statistics show that men usually don’t leave their wives and if they do and join the adulteress fling partner it doesn’t work out the vast majority of the time. Your wasting time getting used and all the while ruining other people’s relationships. The man wins. He gets to eat his wife and his whoredog too. Protect yourself. Respect yourself and respect other women. Don’t entertain an affair. You will get hurt deeply. Everyone will. If he’s cheating on his wife then he’ll cheat on you too because he’d already be cheating on you with his wife! You just believe the dickhead and think he’s not. 😂

💯 I hope you are in a better place now?

@@trinityp8575 Hi! I’m in a great place in my healing and recovery! No more settling! Thanks for asking!

@mary fryer 😬 here

There are so many unfair and painful things in life… not just this.

Hope you find your truth and clarity 🙏