They are such difficult people, yet somehow make you feel like the difficult one

To number 10, flaking on plans, I would also add talking a big game but never following through. Not so much future planning, but things like "hey we should get together weekly to have dinner and watch a movie or just hang out". And then nothing. And then when you call them on it its invariably "I'm too busy/work/stress/water is wet/sky is blue etc pattern of no excuse excuses". That is the one I actually picked up on, but she actually gave me just enough string to keep me chasing. Horrific experience.

Jesus christ. I shouldhave watched this video while i was together with my ex to save myself months long depression after his discard. Especiaally the "independence" thing is such a big sign, i can't even count how many times my ex told me "i like my independence" out of nowhere and i was like okay, no one is locking you up there buddy chill😅 but these people need therapy otherwise they will crusch your heart...

My ex of 7 years had every single one of these red flags and she had me convinced I was the problem all along

😲Wow!!! My ex had practically ALL of these. I never knew or heard of an avoidant before you Coach. Thank you so much!!🎉

I hate myself to go in to that "beneficial" conection/relationship/situationship...really hate myself

It’s exactly a picture of my avoidant ex. Too late to know he is a severe avoidant at the beginning of situationship decorated as serious relationship. Lot of red flags such as white lies, triangulations, sarcasm insults and awkward moments since

Omg… here I am realizing how avoidant I was and can be yet I’m more secure now … if I’m not interested I’ll avoid but will open up when I feel interested and emotionally safe and comfortable

Thank you for this information!

This one little video has been amazing in my journey of understanding avoidance. Wow they are literally trying to avoid us

Yep, my ex exhibited nine of the ten red flags! It’s both sad and infuriating that so many people, especially those over the age of 40, allow their hurts, childhood wounds, and fears to control them while finding no issue with hurting and wounding others. It’s beyond negligent and disrespectful to CHOOSE this route. All we can do is learn from our mistakes, and move on to bigger and better things.

I just recently ended a relationship with an avoidant and this video was spot on about the red flags. One that was missing was them bragging about ghosting people. Mine did that and I thought it was strange but it all makes sense now that I understand what an avoidant is. My avoidant actually popped in about an hour before I saw this video and I told her to buzz off. I told her I didn't need that kind of energy around me and wished her well in life. I'm grateful to these videos because these videos prepared me for what to do when that person did pop back in. I'm sure she'll be back again later but these videos really helped me to see that those are not the kind of people I want in my life. It has also forced me to do a lot of internal dialogue with myself about what made me attract these kind of people and has helped me to do the inner work necessary to become more and more secure moving forward. Thank you Coach Ryan.

Hi Coach, I just want to drop a thank you here for all your work, and for helping me to understand different personality types (including my own), and how all the variables impact and define my relationships. I’ve done a LOT of educating myself in an effort to improve my relationships and grow as a person, and the information in your videos really stands out among the many. I hold you in the same regard as I do Dr. Ramani and Dr. Carter, which is really saying something in my book. Your no-contact content truly helped me hold on to my self-respect when I needed an encouraging reminder. Good stuff!

Super helpful!! I was dumped by an avoidant 3 months ago. I’m dating a new man and my DA radar is pinging. He’s moving fast and eager with little emotional content. So far. I’m Healing well thanks to your videos (wish I’d found you seven months ago)!! Thanks for your insights.

Congratulations coach you know what you're talking about. Big respect for you for describing my ex.

My DA ex had a few of those but not all. He was pretty responsible about keeping to arrangements, but kept a lot of distance so I mirrored him, don't know if that was the right thing to do but I didn't want to run after him, and it was not easy. One good thing about independence at least then you know it's most likely not a narcissist, because they're very dependant and act like everything you have is theirs.

what's the difference between "avoidant" & "asshole"?

Coach Ryan - How do they “assert their independence”? Are they giving you play by play updates of what they are doing for their entire day when you didn’t ask?

Spacing out text messages allows them to go back and forth from the women they are interacting with. The time of night and length between replies were indicators.

#Avoid the Avoidant . I wish I had, so not worth the constant head fk 😬

Here again, brilliant guidance. I cannot thank you enough for the healing I've had through your content.

See for my situation some of these red flags started AFTER his mom got diagnosed with cancer. Mainly pulling away. Excuses when we were to get together. Hardly seeing him. Then less and less communication as his mom kept getting sicker.

Damn my ex had it all😅 its makes me mad but calm now😮❤ thank you

Something that’s confused me is my avoidant ex said she was scared of commitment but then she didn’t have any issues commiting to getting tattoos even though they were a lifelong commitment. I don’t have anything against tattoos and I’m considering getting a couple but this is confusing that they weren’t afraid of getting lifelong tattoos but were afraid of committing to other things.

This was a great summary! My avoidant ex however was very open speaking about his emotions. I guess there are nuances. What I would love to hear are a couple of examples of emotional neglect in childhood. You often mention but I can't really grasp it. What exactly does that mean? Thanks so much!

🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

My ex girlfriend showed all these red flags

#RamonaFlowers

Please Holy-Benevolent angels, come to my aid. Comfort me and protect me and guide me and direct me and soothe me. My heart is heavy and my soul is raped and I’m so tired of going through this pain. I need your help to get me through this. Please no more heart break. I'm in hell. I can't keep going through hell. HELP ME!! MY VOICE HAS BEEN SILENCED MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE. MY BEAUTIFUL SACRED MIRACULOUS VOICE. MY VOICE IS MY MAGICAL GIFT OF TRANSMUTATION! That being said, all my life... I have given people access to me in ways that I should not have EVER granted them access now, I want to scream at the top of my lungs: FUCK OFF!! YOU DO NOT GET TO HAVE ACCESS TO ME IN THAT WAY!! THE DOOR IS NOT OPEN!! YOU MAY NOT COME IN!! ACCESS DENIED!! I've been programmed my whole life to be silent, conditioned to have no boundaries... Here's what I'm learning... Never EVER EVER EVER beg for Love. True Love is given voluntarily, freely, openly, passionately! Everything else is toxic ABUSIVE bullshit!!! Being your best self for the wrong person will bring out the worst version of you... When you don’t know your value, people will put you in places you don’t deserve... Anxious and avoidant styles are like the rabbit and the turtle story... Anxious people are furiously looking for solutions (usually on KZfaq, and the like...) Like obsessed maniacs, while avoidants are in their turtle shells... Letting their relationships collapse around them, too afraid to expose themselves... (Listen to the "Game of Life and How to Play it" by Florence Schovell Shinn ~ it will change your life!!) - Come up with your desired reality: SEE it, FEEL it, EXPERIENCE it, BELIEVE it, KNOW it - Persist in those affirmations and prayers and visualizations - Do not react to your current reality (it's IRRELEVANT!) - Current circumstances do NOT matter (Anxiously attached partners only feel as safe as their last interaction with their partner...) Early signs of healing for anxious-attachers: 1. You recognize that you are responsible for the types of relationship you engage in... 2. You’re able to see limerence for what it really-truly-actually is! (Believing the dreams and fantasies we have about someone over the reality we see about someone!) 3. You’re able to recognize the value of self-regulation and you’re creating strategies for reminding yourself that you’re okay! You can both co-regulate and self-regulate as needed/appropriate. Our relationship with a person is the relationship we have with them NOW, today, not the relationship we hope to, fantasize to, wish to: have with them in the future! If you're avoidant, you most likely have said to family members - who had a major role in your childhood: "You only accepted me or liked me when I was happy/obedient/emotionless." This one simple statement fits with ALL the core symptoms of avoidant attachment: 1. Being overly self-reliant (and in doing so, you hide your needs, emotions, problems, and acute illnesses) 2. Pushing down anger until it explodes and manufactures the boundaries you crave but can't/don't/won't always ask for 3. Not wanting to burden others with your problems 4. Wanting to fix your own issues to avoid looking incompetent or even getting bullied and teased/mocked 5. Numbing out emotions with self-soothing behaviors that are either totally unhealthy or pseudo-healthy (like getting addicted to working out and healthy eating) Remember ALWAYS this process is all about YOU!!! Not him. He is just a catalyst. The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that YOU are special, too! After he initiated/catalyzed your trauma, you're now left to deal with and to heal: all that has come to the surface. GOOD! This is a blessing. HUGE BLESSING!! Albeit painful. A necessary blessing, nonetheless. HUGE-HUGE gift! Take this gift and be eternally grateful. Major advice!!! Listen closely!!! NEVER ever EVER CHASE HIM. He will run further and you will lose yourself more. You are the feminine. You are the divine goddess. You just be and approve (or disapprove) whoever comes along. It's a yes: you meet my requirements, or: it's a no, you do not. Be clear on whom you're accepting as a partner and DO NOT settle for less (or you just delay what's actually really divinely meant for you). Accept your struggle, anxiety, fear, sadness, shame, rage, despair, grief etc. Whatever comes up. It's all human, and in need of your attention. If you push it away, deny it, block it, hide it, or run from it... You will just have to deal with it later... And when later comes, those emotions will be: intensified/amplified/magnified! 1) Put yourself first and foremost! 2) Fall in love with yourself. Be your own dream girl. 3) Rejection is redirection. Embrace the energies of miraculous possibilities. AND REMEMBER: STOP making it all about manifestation when really, it's actually all about VIBRATION! AND: If you haven't heard today... You are so very loved and you are so very worthy of love. The hardest part is learning to love yourself and to know: it's not all your fault, and to see: that you're beautiful; wonderfully perfectly brilliantly created. You're stronger than most; a true leader/warrior in the making. Keep going and keep thanking. Remember Jesus was an outcast and he suffered more than any human being could ever endure... And the most important message here is to forgive them and to forgive yourself and to love all. Keep walking in truth. Our God is able and can see your heart’s cry. He knows every tear that has fallen and continues to fall from your eyes... Take heart - Christ is close to the broken hearted! He is a God of good surprises. Throw out the idea of your past, throw the past years, completely away. Get rid of them, do not acknowledge them any longer. Redefine and recreate your self today! HERE! NOW! You are an artist and an alchemist and a creator and you have the immense power to repaint this dream... * I am The Song Of the Universe! * Today is a Miraculous Wonderfully Delicious Magical Day! * I am in PERFECT HEALTH and I have ABUNDANT WEALTH in my New Earth Divine Crystalline Body!