"What causes people to pick at their skin?" ep.171

Рет қаралды 11,782

Жыл бұрын

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about the reasons we can pick at our skin, bite our nails, and pull on our hair. She also explains why this can all be driven by OCD or other anxiety disorders. Next, she explains why we push ourselves to remember all of the details surrounding a trauma, and also why some of us don’t want to remember any of it. She also dives into grief, how heavy it can be, and why it can sometimes be traumatizing. Kati also discusses the reasons we may struggle to say what we need to in therapy, and how to have boundaries between our work and home life. This and so much more in this week’s episode!
Join Kati in her powerful new LIVE Online Workshop on ATTACHMENT - JULY 21st & 28th katimorton.com/the-shop (pre-order your recorded version if you will be unavailable to attend LIVE)
Ask Kati Anything ep.171 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT
Audience questions:
1. What causes people to pick their lips, bite their nails or scratch at their skin? Not only when they are triggered, but at random moments when they’re safe and there’s nothing wrong? I’ve struggled with picking my lips... 0:32
2. Thank you so much for your channel, and specifically, for this podcast. Why do I feel the need to remember what happened to me, meaning the specific, during my child sexual abuse... 15:06
3. I’m wondering if you could talk about how to process grief? I’m in therapy since 2 years and I was already working on my cptsd with my therapist but this year I’ve been grieving... 31:36
4. How can I learn to separate my work from the rest of my life? I am a pediatric oncology nurse. I care about my patients and their families so so much. I find it really challenging to disconnect when... 43:45
5. Sometimes when I’m in therapy I have things I want to tell my therapist but I don’t always know how to start the conversation. I worry it’ll be strange or out of context... 52:15
6. I struggle with an extreme lack of motivation to do anything that’s not required of me. I have a challenging job that I can do well, but I spend evenings and weekends zoned out in bed, mindlessly scrolling social media or KZfaq... 55:37
7. I'm about a year away from graduating as a LMHC and your channel and podcast have taught me a lot. I am diagnosed with GAD and depression and go through episodes of self-harm... 59:54
8. How do you know if you want to be a therapist? Like how do you figure out if you would be a good one, if it’s the right career for you, or if it’s just something you have an interest in but maybe shouldn’t pursue? 1:06:22
Special shoutout to CandyTwiggyTwist for the Timestamps :)
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Пікірлер: 54

@marindab4301 Жыл бұрын

My therapist says if your therapist doesn’t have their own therapist, get a new therapist. ❤🥰🤗

@HildeAzul 11 ай бұрын

A new therapist that has a therapist whom has a therapist !!!😂

@MS-mq8xj Жыл бұрын

The first reason you just gave has made me feel seen for the first time in 27 years. I bite my nails, pick at scabs, and pull my hair when theres a small knot i feel. The fact that you stated it is about feeling someone "off" or "rough"; this is 100% true for me and my therapist kept invalidating my picking plus its super shameful to talk about. I cant thank you enough for this video Kati.

@siennaprice1351 Жыл бұрын

For me, the reason why I pick my skin is it’s a sensory thing. I’ve done it all my life, even biting my nails. I never liked when my nails get super long and flimsy, so I’d bite them, but then I never liked when they’d get jagged and get snagged on things. So I’d bite them too shot and they’d be sore. Nothing helped, until I got acrylic nails, and they’ve helped me so much. Now I just need to find ways to stop picking my scabs. Like I said, it’s a sensory thing for me.

@KarriSimone Жыл бұрын

Thats me too.

@edbrown5956 6 ай бұрын

For people struggling with depression please make sure to get your vitamin D level checked. (Simple blood test) Lots of people think they get enough sun but don't live in the right area or have enough time in the sun on exposed skin. After you know where your D level is at another thing to try is working out. That releases natural feel good hormones like the pills will make happen. Lastly if you take a higher dose of a stimulant I heard somewhere on YT that it depletes a different vitamin in your body that you can get a natural supplement for to help keep balanced. I can't find it now when I did a quick search but check it out. Usually doctors aren't familiar with supplement since they have little schooling on the subject. Lots of free research and suggestions online though. Stimulants are great you just want to limit burnout from long-term use with depleting other important chemicals in the brain. Btw awesome podcast Katie!

@colindahuisman3 Жыл бұрын

Skin picking calms me down so much, it's like I'm thoughtless. Just like I felt when I was overeating. Not doing that anymore, I started to become more anorexic since my Dad passed, or not even that, just no appetite, rarely eating anything and feeling good about being underweight. 43 🙋🏻‍♀️ probably the oldest mess out here. Love your videos, I just discovered them a few weeks ago. Wishing you all the best from the Netherlands

@notsure9853 Жыл бұрын

More or a hair puller picker . When it gets bad I shave that puts it a bay for a little while .

@SquiddlyInk Жыл бұрын

For some god forsaken reason popping a zit is the most satisfying thing on the planet for me. It hits that reptilian spot in my brain that makes me go “ahh”. It’s almost hypnotic. Honestly I hate it and wish I didn’t have this weird ass condition. I’ve gotten better at it though.

@KarriSimone Жыл бұрын

Seriously I dont realize when I'm biting my nails or picking my face. So when I was young my friends thought they were helping me by slapping my hand if they saw me doing it. That never helped just traumatized me because I just felt I was being hit for no reason.

@Authentistic-ism Жыл бұрын

My picking has moved all around my body over the years. I keep thinking i've kicked the habit only to find myself focusing on a different area. I'm autistic with a very high tactile sensory profile and PTSD from abusive living situations in adulthood really stepped it up. I was plucking my eyelashes, then my scalp, then my lips, then biting my nails then finding scabs to remove and so on. It feels as urgent as an itch but is so unconscious as a decision and I only seem to stop and notice myself doing it when it's excessive or painful. I've gone to the urgent care for bitten fingernail infections more than once :( and that wasn't enough to stop me next time. Also absolutely it can become a zoning out activity while my mind wanders, trying to reduce the sensations of irregularities in the skin hair and nails, that I'm so hyper aware of. Keeping my nails filed has helped some. Painting or fake nails don't work because it feels different and i end up picking at them because they feel heavy or flaky with the stuff on top of them. but if I don't have long enough nails that's when lip biting or hair pulling, etc, starts up again! ARGH. Weed also helps sometimes I'm remembering my DSM 4 diagnosis called it "impulse control disorder - NOS" and for years I didn't realize it was referring to this behavior, I thought my doctor was calling me a gambling addict or a klepto.

@irishgirl1753 6 ай бұрын

Thank you good info

@maddie_142 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Kati for your thoughts on my question about becoming a therapist. This was very reassuring and makes me feel more hopeful about the future♥

@nikkimckay860 Жыл бұрын

Hello everyone I'm back in the comments after not watching or listening for a while been feeling stressed and anxious overwhelmed dealing with my depression waiting for full term therapy services to get back to me hope everyone s managing the best they can much support and love to all❤❤🙏

@nathanrohde3292 Жыл бұрын

Katie was discussing self invalidation, but there's nothing quite like having a therapist invalidating your distress over not being able remember long spans of your life.

@Minakie Жыл бұрын

Spot on. When a "trauma specialist" tells you that you can't have C-PTSD unless you actually remember your trauma... it's a big oof.

@HildeAzul 11 ай бұрын

I am sorry! I had a therapist invalidate me for childhood SA. She advised me to see a therapist for a car accident and wouldn’t let it go… I kept telling her I need to be seen for childhood SA she just wasn’t having it….

@nathanrohde3292 11 ай бұрын

@@HildeAzul Holy crap that's awful.

@tamiwigginton7137 11 ай бұрын

You really are helping the world 🌎 ❤️ 💛 ♥️

@terrikhat2 Жыл бұрын

Skin picker, zip popper facial hair plucker.....since early childhood...never knew why until now....

@SLYCoopaEatsChicken Жыл бұрын

Ahhhh I’m so excited to listen to this I struggle a lot with picking my face. Thanks for this Katie

@candytwiggytwist3506 Жыл бұрын

Timestamps: 1) 0:32 2) 15:06 3) 31:36 4) 43:45 5) 52:15 6) 55:37 7) 59:54 8) 1:06:22

@ryannesumbry4130 Жыл бұрын

@candytwiggytwist3506 thank you 🙏 for the time stamps

@candytwiggytwist3506 Жыл бұрын

@@ryannesumbry4130 You are very welcome :)

@Daddy.Snorlax Жыл бұрын

I am a recovering nail-biter. I quit for a couple of years and then fell completely back into it. It is most definitely a coping mechanism for anxiety and stress. Some of it is OCD... like once I bite my nail, then it's all jagged and uneven and now I need to even it out, but it never gets resolved, because I'm using the wrong tools! However, when my daughter started asking to have her nails painted, I started doing my nails too. First for fun, then as practice, and I found out how manicures can be seen as self-care. Because it's a process that takes as long as it takes. It's slow and can't really be rushed and it's a routine that takes focus but not a lot of mental capital, so you can kinda be "in the zone." And the last bonus is that when you're nails are all done, they look and feel SO nice that I end up NOT biting them.

@cathyjennings5580 8 ай бұрын

Our body's are COMPLEX!!!! PROECTORS SHIELDS to stand firm.. 😮😮😮😅😅

@alicepirola7077 11 ай бұрын

Lip picker and biter since I was 5 yrs. So hard to try to stop. Thanks for the ideas.

@nikkimckay860 Жыл бұрын

AKA & OTDM podcast.hello good afternoon Kati from Nikki from United Kingdom so good to see you again and watch and listen to your mental health podcast some questions I can definitely relate to and kinda triggering to me since my anxiety is worse than other day s I now pick and scratch at cuts and wounds that come up on my body I put a plaster on my right leg because of a bad open wound to stop myself picking and scratching it but I just keep pulling the plaster back and continue to scratch and pick at my wound but I'm trying to stop sometimes I can sometimes I can't 😥this was a good question and Kati good helpful surportive advice for scratching and picking ❤❤❤

@laurabuehler Жыл бұрын

My Kindergarten teacher yelled at me and made me cry on my first day! Long story, but I was always called, "Laurie," up until then. My teacher was calling out, "Laura," and I didn't know who that was. From that day forward I wouldn't allow anyone to call me Laurie because I now knew my name was Laura. I hated that teacher, but luckily, it didn't cause me to hate school in general. This isn't related to my teacher, but I pick at scabs and zits until I bleed. I also generally scratch my skin until I bleed. I usually don't know I'm doing it, but I know that it itches and I can't stop.

@progressivedragon6664 Жыл бұрын

How very timely…

@jacobekker 7 ай бұрын

"Neurons that fire together wire together"

@ConnyWeirdWorld Жыл бұрын

Regarding question number 1. I hate that I bite my nails till it bleeds. There were better and worse times but it never really stopped. And if I can't get to it (e.g. wearing a mask) I start to pick with my fingers. I hate this habitude. Wish I could stop.

@TheNurseWhoLovedMe89 Жыл бұрын

I’m curious to know if the hair pulling is counted as the same thing if it’s done in your sleep? In the past I’ve ripped my hair out while sleeping if I’ve had a big PTSD trigger happen that day. My psych said it’s a sign of severe emotional distress, but I’m guessing it’s still different to pulling hair out while awake? 🤔

@emilymvance 10 ай бұрын

My sister, especially did that as a kid- Recently in the last two years she told me how she really feels about me… not positive at all… I have done my best to remove my self from anything involving her … my mother cannot understand why… yet my mother doesn’t correct or stand up for me… and says I’m sure she didn’t meAn that… 😝🤓hello/ she told me how she really feel s .. I believe her-

@batintheattic7293 Жыл бұрын

I was wondering what Katie's theory on excoriation and fiddling with our hair etc., 4:19 in and, it appears, we are about to agree completely. She's talking about detecting anomalies (growths, bites, rogue whiskers) and not being able to 'suffer them to live'. I think this is where this is going. I shall listen to the whole thing, before commenting, though - just in case she makes a link to auto-immune peculiarities/touch sensitivity (I can feel when a clothing fiber lands on my face and the little hairs, in their follicles, are constantly having a hystemic reaction to the outside world. I had spots for a very long time into adulthood. I get spots where I get the more stubborn whiskers - this leads me to think it's something about opening up the germ line (?germ line) between inner and outer. I'm B Negative. My body has killed my tiny babies, before. And I can't stand it if there's a patch of dead skin that has yet to shed. Also, I might get a bit of a psychological boost from maintaining the wall - I don't like being semi-permeable.). Katie might go down a different path, though, with the idea that certain neurological types viscerally dislike anomalies. There could be a lot of truth in that. Certain neurological types are obsessed with entropy - that's for sure. She's bang on, so far. Except - it's conditions on the autistic spectrum, too? Isn't it? When IBS and auto-immune disorders were mentioned to be characteristic of autistic people - I was a little nonplussed. Are Rhesus Negative blood groups an auto-immune condition, though (oh, yes. Sepsis nearly took me out, too, and that was from a Strep Throat infection. My immune system went flamboyant :)? Ah, she's brilliant. Katie is so insightful.

@batintheattic7293 Жыл бұрын

Okay. It reads like I'm fiddling with whiskers and introducing germs. That's completely logical. I started fanatically tweezing my face (TMI - sorry) and, even though I'm still scratching and fiddling, there's never any inflammation where I've successfully tweezed. That's how I know it's the hair that's creating the problem. :)

@batintheattic7293 Жыл бұрын

Final thought (promise). Perhaps it's not that we are responding to an itch or a lump or even that we just don't want anything on us. The lumps, itches etc., might be merely convenient patsies. What if the continuance of our DNA depends upon us regularly self inoculating? Otherwise we, the organisms, would have succumbed to a cytokine storm and not passed our weird blood or DNA along? We don't even know why we do it, now, but it is a genetically bequeathed behavior that protects us. Keep opening the old wounds (better than engineering new ones) and let the immune system insults get in. Just enough to maintain balance. No real awareness of it happening.

@ConnyWeirdWorld Жыл бұрын

Just a comment for the algorithm to support you 😉

@jiayantang8771 Жыл бұрын

I’ve been picking at my skin around my finger whole my life. Sometimes I scratch it until it bleeds. My hands hurt so much most of the time so I couldn’t write or it hurt so much when I have to write…😢just couldn’t help but pick it’s almost like a ritual for me

@donnacoleman4624 Жыл бұрын

Me too. Im 63, gone thru as far back as I can remember😢

@tanyaanderson144 Жыл бұрын

Same here 😕

@christina_cl 9 ай бұрын

Around your entire fingers or around your nails? If it's on your fingers, do you scratch at it because it somehow feels itchy or has little bumps? If so, it might be some low key eczema. I used to scratch at my hands and feet all the time until it bleeds because the itch wouldn't stop, until I learned that I have eczema and those were small flares. The right treatment can get rid of that. This might not be your situation, but could be worth considering.

@ryannesumbry4130 Жыл бұрын

Time stamps anyone 👀

@nikkimckay860 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the timestamps 🙂🙏

@debbiebillings4442 9 ай бұрын

51 years old and I'm just now finding out other people do it too 😯 what do you use to stop doing it??

@debbiebillings4442 9 ай бұрын

It IS calming and relaxing until it starts hurting.. weird

@brendaechols5929 10 ай бұрын

My hubby picks his skin . If he has a scab or mole he pics at it. He literally has a hole in this skin. Its gross cause he leaves skin pieces everywhere.

@cathyjennings5580 8 ай бұрын

Process out tragic EXPERIENCE. We can not remember. Clues. Let GO. BODY SENSATION MEMORIES. ???

@natto2893 Жыл бұрын

I see it as self mutilation and a way of having control over something.

@edbrown5956 6 ай бұрын

Do people tweaking also do this because they are so high up that they try to calm down ........well and feel there skin crawling I guess.

@JamesVestal-dz5qm Жыл бұрын

Kelsey Sather loves my youtube account

@user-lj8kc3dv4g 8 ай бұрын

I was molested and sodomized by my mothers father when I was about six years old and one day my mother witnessed him doing it to me, and she did nothing. I saw her just watching him doing it to me and she did absolutely nothing but stare at him molesting and sodomizing me. So in my young mind I thought it was normal. Even though it hurt me. I told him it hurt and to stop but he didn’t.😢. And of course my mother did nothing to stop my grandfather, from molesting me. After that I started wetting the bed and my mother would push my face into the wet sheets, for wetting the bed. As punishment.. I was so confused and mixed up. Getting punished. for something that wasn’t even my fault. She was never the same to me after that. My mother was emotionally unattached from me after that. I am now. 76, and my grandfather is dead, thank God. And my mother died in 2020. But she would never bring up the the subject. She ruined my childhood and didn’t give a damn and then finally disowned me after I got married, because she couldn’t control me anymore. She told my brother and sister to keep away from me, and they listened to her, because I was the disobedient child. My mother was a Narcissist. She did get in touch with me in 2018, to try and make amends, but not really. Just tried to clear her conscience, with me. Still died a Narcissist. My sister is the Golden Child, and Narcissist, image of our Mother, to a -T-. RM

@cathyjennings5580 8 ай бұрын

Validation word is uncomfortable. Can there be better words to USE. BASIC HUMAN NEEDS. Some people u would think they would know that word. Since it's so natural. Maybe, only THERAPIST ONLY RECOGNIZED THAT WORD. VALID. 😣 HELP. CAN THERAPIST CHANGE that word into something Ordinary people would KNOW in general.