Ok.. I thought of one more reason. In these relationships, we're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. A relationship with a covert narcissist is never going to be relaxing. Can you think of anything I missed?

7. Every interaction makes you feel like you need to repair your soul and self-esteem like a bicycle tire.

They CONSTANTLY use the "I'm just kidding" routine every time they insult you. And I HATE their little verbal jabs.

I don't feel like I can be myself around him. I feel so on edge that he's going to criticise me any minute, it's so stressful.

A covert narcissistic relationship is like watching a movie without a plot, storyline or an ending. It's frustrating, confusing, senseless and leaves you feeling let down, dissatisfied, wasted your time.

Narcs of all types - always playing the victim of their own circumstances.

Loneliest feeling in the world not being able to trust anyone.

See, we don't "choose" to ignore the lies and weird things these narcs do. We ask , we snoop, we beg for answers. They confuse you and deny everything, which makes you not know what to do.

As a bonus, you'll easily be able to tell when they're lying, because they'll be screaming at you that they're not. That train is never late.

Circular arguments 🤦‍♀️... I’m already asleep... constantly explaining/ justifying their behaviors... “well that wasn’t my intent... I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings [so your hurt feelings are irrelevant].”

I would explain myself for hours he would play dumb until I gave up in exasperation only to return the next day and say he gets it and the next day he would be back to same old tricks like the conversations never occurred ugh !😩😣

You described my ex narc exactly, it became so draining for me that I actually started getting physically ill.To me,a better description of them is that they're demons in sheep's clothing.

Other reasons: They dont let you rest or sleep, either they rage at you when you do, or they keep you going with no time to rest. When you become ill, you have to look after yourself. Nothing you do is ever enough, you keep trying and trying. They have this way of psychologically sucking your energy out. It begins to feel so stressful, different wavelength, different energy field. No time to recuperate, not able to be on our own.

Bottom line, they are all a giant pain in the arse and that in itself is extremely exhausting.

#1 Lies and omissions... like the fact that they have a (undiagnosed) Cluster B personality disorder. That alone is sufficient for the relationship's failure, and guarantees that you'll lose your mind, e.g., asking questions like: do you have trust issues? and never getting the truth. Among other things, the cognitive dissonance between what you observe and what they tell you makes you crazy.

Circular arguements were the most exhausting and frustrating to me when I was married to my ex Narc. I would walk away wondering why also we couldn't stay on topic. Also, what he would do is avoid discussions and always say things like, "I don't want to argue".

It’s like I have to prepare for battle when I wake up in the morning (if I am able to sleep due to overthinking! 😂)

The word salad and the gaslighting can be relentless at times, along with the narc rage from whatever narc injury has been inflicted on him. My nervous system feels "jangled" for about 24 hours afterwards.

I think the constant need for attention from me is totally draining, and this will be always at the point when I’m resting or doing a chore that’s important

Thank you so much for pointing out that their narcissistic rage is not always some big blow up or monstrous anger... it is and can be silent, seething, rage with heated vengeance over one perceived slight for that will last forever..hidden under a mask of fake support and faux- niceness.

Another one, when we as a household address the covert narc about a problem he BLEW UP over and ignored us over, for weeks. "Why is everybody so upset!??????" he kept repeating. "I just want to be left alone!" He didn't want to be alone, he just didn't want to face the problem which was that we held him accountable for being a jerk. He would talk to anyone and everyone who wasn't involved in making him feel inferior. He is happy to talk to people who inflate his ego and validate his brain chatter. But not people who hold him accountable. He will gaslight us til he is blue in the face rather than sit down and have an honest conversation.

Why relationships with a covert narcissists are so exhausting : 1. Lies and omissions of truth, cheating: Even keeping things from you, in a family or at work. In the begining, even if we see their lies and imissions, we want to see the good in them and want to believe their story. Especially in a romantic relationship. We will come up with blanks to fill. 2. Wolves in sheep's clothing: they are emotionally abusive people, that don't appear that way. Can appear nice. At first we give them the benefit of the doubt, then we accept the other stuff, when it keeps adding. 3. Gaslighting: any tactic to make their target feel like they are crazy (lying, blame shifting, calling you crazy, word salad-running circles in the conversation to make you lose the course). 4. Narcissistic injuries are very confusing: very common, they freak out/explode for seemingly no reason. You'll see anger, screaming, silent treatment. They leave you to figure it out, without telling you what's wrong. 5. Constant triangulation: at work or family. They compare you to others, so you feel like you need to compete and feel less than. When trying to prove your own worth you will feel bad and exhausted. 6. Lack of closure: in friendship, even more in romantic relationship. Pattern: love bombing - devaluing - discarding - (hoovering) They are known for almost never giving you closure. They end relationships for the weirdest reasons. (E.g. they used to adore you speaking your mind/intelligence/faith etc...,suddenly it bothers them. They may cite something ridiculous and superficial.) You're left wondering what's really going on. Probably another person. You end up going trough so many scenarios/reasons, it's like an open loop that you can't close. Even if you've been with one that has done it previously you expect them to come back and don't know when.

They act so innocent and kind, until they drop the mask you see the devil appear

Another helpful talk .. In my experience they never want to let you go .. I mean they want you there to drink your blood !!!

Have known so many coverts/malignant all my life....five years ago didn’t know the word narcissist, after figuring out my friends my family, pretty much everybody is a liar or a manipulator/flying monkey..have lost everybody except my husband and kids and dad..Can’t believe that there are so many narcs..impossible to believe..

He leaves me very exhausted, drained, and confused. He makes me wonder what I'm doing to make him upset all the time and makes me feel crazy for trying to have an adult conversation. He makes me question my worth and makes me feel like I'm hard to love, and that I ask for too much...when I know I don't really expect much from people.

Since he constantly implies I'm crazy (for saying anything but it's all my fault), it just helps to hear from another why I'm exhausted. I'm not nuts, still working on the financial plan...

Spot on!! 😡 Run away & never look back! Block & delete.

You have no idea how much this video has helped me. The relationship did end abruptly over something so silly... That lack of closure is a key element that makes you ponder over the relationship over and over again. It’s a brilliant tactic to make you feel guilty and more prone to take them back in the future.

Exhausting is an understatement. Went no contact 2 years ago with a covert sibling. Life is so much better and so is my physical and mental energy.

I have a secure attachment style. One year with my Covert Narcissist/Dismissive Avoidant: MONTH one : Great MONTH two : Greater MONTH three : Fabulous (heavy love bombing starts...) MONTH four : Heaven (I love you...) MONTH five : Seventh heaven, she's the one... MONTH six : Mask starts to come off (devaluing starts...) MONTH seven : full devalue/dismissive behavior, refusal to talk about issues by ignoring, zero reciprocity, one-sided... MONTH eight : distancing/lying begins (gaslighting also), extreme passive/aggressive... MONTH nine : lying about little things clearly shows... MONTH ten : Frustration/exhaustion for me sets in... MONTH eleven : Everything is my fault... MONTH twelve : I left her for good, I go NO contact at all. MONTH thirteen : MONTH fourteen : Her; closure letter mailed to me. Me; Still NO contact, too late for her, I DO NOT RESPOND. Save yourselves if you start to get the first sign something is just not right. Luckily, I only went through the final six months of it, but I was beginning to feel like I'm' the one that had issues. Never having dealt with these issues before, I learned words like projection, mirroring, gaslighting, love bombing, etc. She used to call her ex-husband a narcissist and a psychopath. I was fortunate enough that I had healthcare that covered counseling for myself, since she did not feel she needed to go for relationship issues. I got out, but now know what to look for.

Everything thing you said is so true. My narc was so tiring, it was getting to where I didn't even want to go see her.

May have mentioned it, but moving the goalposts.

They need to be the center of attention as well and just when are doing something that requires your full attention, ( or privacy ) bam , they invade and intrude .

Confusion confusion confusion is what I lived in. Thank God I am out. And thank God I have found videos like these to let me know I am not crazy. Even though I was made to feel that way. I would be hurt but couldn’t put my finger on why. Feeling like I needed to run for the hills but couldn’t figure out why or explain to others why. So my family didn’t understand me and thought I was crazy and wrong. In 24 years my husband never admitted to being angry not one time. I would rather be with a physically abusive relationship at least I would be validated by others and have some support

Everything was going well until I lost my job. She wasn’t there for me and didn’t even attempt to make me feel better. I told her I couldn’t compete with alcohol for her attention any longer and that my emotional needs weren’t being met. She complained about me being unemployed, said we were just different (after 4 years mind you) and I told her I was done and deserved better. For the record, I had been there for her when she got a DUI, when she needed rides to work and a place to stay. She was never there for me. Never. I deserved better.

They are the most miserable people alive even inmates in prison are happier

There's always other people in the relationshit Today, I'm truly okay with not having any closure

Fighting off the battle with the trauma bond after leaving is equally as exhausting as being with this person. However when they are not directly in your space, there is a huge sense of calmness at the sane time. Like you just got out of a hamster wheel.

Yes it was very exhausting. You very right

I've watched a number of channels about narcissists in the nearly three years since I left mine, but yours is by far the best. Your approach is just so fresh somehow...I don't know how else to describe it. It's very helpful; thank you!

The greatest gift my CN father gave me was writing me and my brother out of his will and giving us a copy. It was the final push to getting me to see who he was. I went no contact, changed my last name, and have never been happier.

Been there with my covert narcissist. You nailed all 6

They exhaust you to a point of being sleep deprived and physically ill. I am so happy to finally be away from that demon!

Sometimes, at the beach, I lie on a rock and pretend I'm a seal.

Speaking from personal experience, I know that a covert narcissistic relationship is fraught with manipulation, lies, and many Jekyll and Hyde moments. Yet, you find yourself focused on the beautiful side of the man who won your heart, believing that by some miraculous sequence of events that he’ll one day change and you’ll be in a whole relationship. But after many painful months, you realize that it will never happen.

I just found this channel. Love it because it fits my ex to a "tee". Unfortunately it fits me to a "tee" as well because I spent time and energy on "filling in the blanks" to be able to try to ignore all of the lies/cheating/emotional abuse/triangulation/emotional/sexual witholding after all the future faking/sexual teasing. Damn. Thank you for this.

My covert narcissist acted aloof and the prize. I was the one running after him. I couldn't get enough which is different than some have described. He literally broke my heart and I suffered PTSD and even to this day, seven years later, nobody comes close to bringing out the feelings in me he did. At the time I was a contract Accountant earning a good income, had 2 rentals, 2 young children from my previous relationship and extremely independent. He ended up marrying me after years of pushing him into it (unlike other narcissists) and discarded me once I found out he was seeing someone else. Relationship lasted 20 years.

Lies and omissions. Yes. When you confront the lie, they say “that’s not what you asked me so I answered this way “ what? Still dealing with one cuz we have kids and the lies and patterns are so easy to spot and predict now. Some days I feel sorry for the new supply because she brought 4 new kids to the abuse.

I’m curious if anyone has found that When you’re nice to them they are impossible to please but if you ignore them they bend over backwards for your attention. I should add that it wasn’t always this way but now I have learned to keep my covert narcissist wife on her toes. I don’t like doing it but if I’m too nice she walks all over me and she creates problems. But if I give her a problem by ignoring her it’s much more manageable. I can usually only be nice to her for a week before she starts playing tricks on me

Spot on hun. You're blowing up! congrats beautiful. You deserve it 💪💪💪

He would freak out every time that I refused to kiss him because he had a cold sore. He would feel so rejected and offended.

"Lack of closure" is an understatement! When the relationship ends is when the gloves finally come off, as long as no one else is looking ;-) 4 years after a 20 year relationship with a Narc and she's gone back and rewritten history to make me the bad guy from day one, blaming me for all of the things she did in the relationship. Never any closure, only more headaches and attacks. No contact saved my life....

need more like this Christina.. thank you

You smile with your eyes so well!

For me the lack of closure is the hardest part. I’ve gotten answers ranging from “I don’t think God meant for us to be together” to “I didn’t like what you said to me {referring to something unknown}” to “I’m not ready to talk about it” And a dozen other things in between.

Wow everything I'm experiencing makes so much sense when I'm watching this video.

This is the best over all video on covert narcissism I have ever seen and I have been watching for years!

Every single thing you pointed out is so on point and I'm completely convinced that I'm dealing with a covert narcissist. I'm really not trying to have number 6 happen to me, so I'm trying to break things off first! Thank you for your helpful videos.

Truesay! I was exhausted he made me unwell literally at those two last stages, the devaluation and disregard 🤯🥺😔 He became like two different people, I turned into a detective regarding the mind games. 7 months of pure bliss but admittedly there where red flags 🚩 🚩 He changed dramatically after I told him “I love you” we laughted most of the time up until that point. The devaluation began he suddenly stopped investing in me on weekends I went down to 3 days a week to 1. Suddenly plans, Holidays, events, promises where all broken.... it consumed my mind 🤯😭 But he never left me alone he was still there talking, messaging etc saying all the lovely’s things. But nothing happened physically totally lead on and manipulated brilliantly.

Of all the channels I have seen on YT, your information is the closest match to my experience, and the most helpful steps to recover.

You are 100% on point! Every reason is exactly what I recently went through (again) excluding fear. I actually understand the whole narc, psychopath abuse thing and why highly sensitive people MUST go through the bizarre to discover ourselves. But I had recently had to go through the wolf in sheep’s clothing narcissistic relationship for what I believe was my final test and experience for full wisdom. Now, I did need closer because I knew I wouldn’t get it anyway, I just needed the experience to see yet another layer. I was allowed to experience the covert narc because I needed too to close the loop with true understanding. I just hope I got all the wisdom I needed to go to a new level of relationship with my future wife and proper articulation to those I’m assigned to in the world. I’m actually grateful for the horrible/wonderful experiences! I’m a wiser and better man because of it! ICU so I won’t miss out on her. To my future wife, I’m not bitter I’m better and waiting on you. 🤙🏾

Christina, you are just an absolute legend. It’s actually quite remarkable how completely accurate you are about “ALL” these topics. At this moment in time you are a life line to me. You reassure me and reinforce the thoughts and feelings I already have and had during two very traumatic relationships over the past 8 years, but doubted myself and punished myself about. The things you pick up on with such intricate detail, make me feel so secure and so happy that I’m not actually insane. I married and had two children with an overt, then after three years of separation entered into a very different relationship with a covert, but equally as traumatic. Humour is the only thing that gets me through life. If you don’t laugh you cry ....... or worse. Anyway, enough rambling. Thank you for your videos. Thank f*** for the internet 😂🤪 x

Common Ego you nailed it 100 percent, you described my ex covert narcissist during our entire relationship. Im one of the victims who was left wondering with questions but I got all of my answers and closure now. I appreciate you so much for making and sharing this video, you are saving people lives with your content. I've definitely click that subscribe, well deserved.

You have a gentle voice....thank you for this right on explanation

I love your channel ,, it brings me comfort and peace ,, thank you 😊

Much respect to both Common Ego and Love Over Narcissism ! I 💗both of your channels .

Mine said I did so many things she can probably never forgive me. ... but couldn't name one. "That's the point, you don't even know what you did." No, really don't. Had I admitted a big mistake, this would have been the reason. Now the reason is that there is none.

Thank you for your work. This keeps me going and welll...

Omg you nailed it! You're Good! I did a lot of convincing myself... And I had a lot of it to do. .

This video is a life saver. Thank you!

Wow everything you said is what i went through with my ex (narc) all the way down to the lack of closure, it still amazes me to know all that i went through for 6 years with him but i’m glad it’s over.

Going around in circles... Man this is spot on...

Thank you very much for all the info👍. It really helps (:

I love this channel . A new subscriber Ma’am ❤️

Ex husband told me when I asked for help with the house or newborn, he felt criticized. He could not comprehend that I actually needed help. Main red flag is passive aggressive communication, which is also extremely exhausting to attempt to navigate. Definitely gave me a crash course in why sarcasm is destructive.

I have generalized anxiety disorder with panick attacks and I am very sensitive to people's voices and demeanors and yours are 2 of the best ever. I could listen to your voice and content 24/7...They are so soothing and helpful. Thank You 🙏🏻

I’ve been watching your videos and I honestly can’t thank you enough. Almost everything you talk about applies to a very difficult on and off relationship I had for almost 4 years. It was confusing because I felt like it was true love because when we met he was quick to say I love you and you’re the love of my life. And it seemed like his interest would decrease and he’d belittle me in subtle ways. When I pointed it out he’d deny it. I tried to break up with him a few times because there were things that happened between us I didn’t like and it just didn’t feel right, and he would hover me and say I was the love of his life. I kept falling for it and eventually he ended things with me , saying it was all my fault because I had broken up with him. And I’ve never been into rock climbing and all of a sudden he made comments that made me pretty sure he wanted a girlfriend who is into rock climbing. I couldn’t believe something so superficial would be the end of us. I’m still recovering because I still catch myself in the fantasy construct and trauma bond, but therapy and your videos have helped me understand in a way I couldn’t havnt in my own. It’s definitely a hard thing to be going through and I hope people in these comments can find strength in reading our stories and finding understanding.

Why it's so exhausting with a Covert N.: 1. Lies & Omissions 2. Wolves in sheep's clothing (first they can appear kind, shy, akward, insecure etc.) 3. Gaslighting (question yourself etc.) 4. Narcissistic injuries are confusing 5. Triangulation 6. Lack of closure

I understand everything you said. There is some comfort in knowing that this is common behaviour for a covert narcissist and that it's not in my head.

So true. Thank you 🦄🦄🦄

Run like hell, there’s no hope with these sick people, and no they are incapable of changing. It’s ALL about them. Great video, nicely summarized. Thank you.

Omg I just want to thank you...I'm living with my ex that has all the signs you talk about I watched alot of your videos to understand how I was treated and to end my cycle of abuse.. I'm learning and until I have move ...learn to deflate and protect myself thank you thank you❤❤❤

My sister in-law is a narcissist and it’s been exhausting to have a positive relationship with her. After 8 years I’ve finally have given up on establishing a positive nurturing relationship. She turned to playing silent treatment games with me and talking about me to other family members. It’s exhausting but she’s doing me a favor by giving me the silent treatment because now I don’t have to deal with her. I see her not talking to me as a blessing!

This long time friend who lives in another area invited me over to their apt. with our other friend. This person decided to "dress me down" about my personality trait and wasn't very nice about it. When I told them I wanted to leave, "because I don't need this shit" this person begged me to stay, I did stay for another hour and then went home. When they texted me a few days later and asked if they hurt my feelings... I told them that life is too short to be around people you don't like. I said that we are put upon this earth and the best bet is to enjoy life. So quit wasting your time being around someone you don't like. I got a text saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" and I sent a text "Quit wasting your time" And I have not ever heard anything back. Because I don't like them anymore either...Why should I?

Thank you! they tell you everyday about all the Other ppl comforting and entertaining them, helping them. Making you compete to take care of them. Very draining and exhausting.

I saw the title & couldn't help, but laugh. NOT bc it's funny, but bc it was the story of my life 🤦‍♀️ (atleast a good chunk of it.) Exhausting is an understatement!! & what you said about reasons they fell for you to begin with are what they grow to resent is true! Imo it's bc you possess a characteristic they know they'll never be able to attain. Thank you for such great uploads.

You are knowledgeable and have a beautiful smile and what struck me about this video in particular is not only its title but also your cheery breezy delivery of the six reasons! Your choice of word, "Exhausting" should be replaced with "Soul Destroying" as it belies the truth of loving a Covert Narcissist. "Exhausting" can be cured with a good night's sleep but trauma and CPTSD take a lot longer to heal, years sometimes. I met my Narc Ex in Sep. 2017 and the 18 months "situationship" with the "perfect for me man" I fell deeply for brought me down to my knees. I had never before experienced the cycle of Love Bombing, Devaluation, Discard, Silent Treatment and the Hoover, three times, he was a Classic, Textbook Covert Narc. I was trauma bonded, felt I couldn't trust reality due to cognitive dissonance, I was totally addicted to who I thought was "my soulmate" and was ultimately diagnosed with CPTSD. In the process I was willfully negligent of my business, friends, family and lost my home in the process. I reached bottom, I ended up in a woman's shelter. Three months after the last Hoover, and of No Contact, this last April, when I was still traumatized and emotionally, feeling like a Zombie who is trying to look and behave like anormal human, I got word that he had unexpectedly and suddenly died, from a massive heart attack! The weekend this last spring when I thought he'd be going for the 4th Hoover I was actually attending his memorial service. Yet, it wasn't over, his death was overwhelming, everything came up, anger, hurt. Sadness, and a profound feeling of loss. Three months after his death I was diagnosed with "Major Depressive disorder caused likely by Complicated Grief" which I had not heard of before. I was prescribed an anti-depressant in September and it's only now that wounds are healing and I feel like a "new me" will emerge in 2020. Can't wait 😄 My point is: I like your content and you make it all sound like a walk in the park... 😥 with Narcissism on the rise and considering the danger these soulless wolves in sheep's clothing are, you may want to consider emphasizing the destruction they leave in their wake and tell them to run. Run and don't look back. Narcissistic Abuse Recovery is not for the faint of heart, it's way beyond "Exhausting". 🙏🏼❤️

Thank you for your videos, they’ve been helpful. There was a lot of micro-cheating in my last relationship with my covert ex boyfriend, amongst other things. It drove me up the wall because he pretended to be the innocent sheep, which he wasn’t. At the end of the relationship I felt like I aged like 5yrs because it was so exhausting.

I've repeatedly been EXHAUSTED by a narcissist

Thank you for all this valuable info.

Spot on! And subbed 🙏

The silent treatment is the best I can get...it's peace for me.the attention the seek all the time...

OMG!!! Makes so much sense now!!!!!!

I've experienced giving a narcissist the benefit of the doubt. Never again; I will never support another narcissist. Thank you for sharing your video it's amazing and helpful. 💯

As I was leaving he was angry that I blocked him and was keeping a secret as to where I was moving too. He stalked, hit, and cheated on his ex. I feared the same as to how he was acting in the whole relationship with Me. I told him these we consequences to his behavior and actions. He HATED that. "Don't call these consequences!" I NEEDED to say that. I have been out now and in sanctuary for a month. I thought I was narc proof. He was so intelligent and sneaky. The whole relationship felt "off" but he had a reason and an excuse for EVRYTHING! Never again!

typically my ex. After the relationship, I set out to find out what introverted narcissists are. or a covert narcissist. To win me over she had to tell all her problems and all her bad things in the past to near death and drug use and abuse by her ex. I fell in love with her because of her appearance and appearance. And out of pity to want to do everything for her. Helping with her work, helping to get her on the right path. In the end she wanted me to give money.. that was the last straw. I've been so exhausted by her the last few months, I couldn't even have sex with her anymore. I kept wanting to talk, she runs away from it and I get silent treatment. Every time she said, I don't dare to talk because of my past. This was, of course, nonsense. She was playing me. It is incomprehensible that there are such women in the world. I will never forget this in my life. A person I loved dearly and wanted to help give her a better life. Totally incomprehensible. Olga Sologubova from kharkiv

Gaslighting!!!!! Word salad!!! Rage! She says,” I have no idea what’s going on in that head of yours”, when I question her.

The more knowledge gained about covert narcissism the better dealing with a Narc breakup. To know that group inside and out will allow you to run for the hills!!! Knowledge is POWER!!!

U are a great speaker easy to understand