AZ❤@

Need to point out that it's equally unhealthy on the person we're pouring our energy into that they don't stop it or have boundaries. They drink it up as the opposite side of the coin. In many cases in my experience, they are so unhealthy they don't feel good enough for us and keep us on a string to avoid getting deeper and showing their true selves. It's a toxic spiral!

It’s actually a Maya Angelou quote.

Yeah I'm working on making my love for myself to be enough... I would like to be in a relationship but I want to love myself and give myself what I think a man would give me.

Ew Oprah

How do you feel about Oprah now she's shown who she is though.. don't be fooled by Oprah.

​@@PaulaW-wq1khThe what was originally by Maya Angelou

It’s more clear to see it when others do it than ourselves. But I agree if someone said “I can’t,” I’d be OUT. At least this guy didn’t string her along.

Responding to someone who is clearly going through mental and emotional issues with "I have never been that bad" is so mean. Yikes! I was scrolling the comments and had to stop to address this. I hope they don't see this comment.

@@gabrielle8571 agreed

Yeah, the media, the industry has destroyed it. If a boy talks with a girl, or vice versa, it's "romance" , it's "oh that boy and that girl sitting in a tree, KISSIN"( I interrupt: Oh shut the f**k up!(sorry I was watching a sitcom))

Thank you for having such empathy. It very much makes up for the people subtly judging her by saying they were never that bad.

Woah ❤️🙌

Wow perfectly put, and same here

@ebbyc. I was starting to feel like I was the only one. These are people I head for the hills. So much expectation with each so called kind gesture. Each gesture coming with strings attached. I can sense it from a distance before I get approached.

I think the moral is more, “if you think you love someone after meeting them once and only knowing them for two months, you’re misguided.”

Also dogs.

I can relate! This letter and Anna’s caring, but honest response really touched my heart. By 26, I was a mom of 2 already divorced. And I still didn’t know SH-T about life. 😌

Good for you.

@@villaineramatriarchy Thank you, really appreciate your lovely words and book suggestion, I'll definitely check it

This is more common than you think. I had a gay coworker in customer service who was into a sales rep that he used to assist, said rep was in another country and had to travel to our country for an event, we had never seen him in person but he looked insanely attractive in pictures (like, better than most of Hollywood attractive). My coworker was going through a breakup from his high school sweetheart / someone he had been with most of his life and in a vulnerable situation so he proceeded to tell the whole office that this sales rep guy was also into him, that he was planning to meet him when he visited and later move to his country so that they could be together. The guy just wanted to see him to thank him for his assistance, which helped him save face in front of his clients and meet his sales goals, he never said it was romantic and he wasn't even gay. My coworker went through a huge embarrassment, not just in front of us, but the other sales reps laughed about this for years and kept teasing the guy with my coworker. And the funny thing is that the same thing happened to me, I also believed that the same guy liked me because of the way he looked at me when he met me in person (I was actually running away from him because I liked him and was nervous and didn't want him or my coworkers to find out) and I cried for two years watching tarot readings that claimed that he was my twin flame and that we were in separation 😂 I was also clearly feeling limerence for him too and I'm not sure if his peers knew but they probably laughed their ass off if they did. None of us works at that company right now and I unfollowed and removed from my followers everyone involved. I am not telling you to escape this situation, but you can't spend the rest of your life feeling like she is bringing you down. There must be a way for you to do what you want to do without this story coming back to bite you in the arse. You are a different person now and you cannot control that some cruel people still see you as such. Maybe start a new life at a different city? I don't know, I'm just giving my unsolicited opinion 😅

Thanks so much.

Me too

@@gal1885 hey you never know, one day in our healing process we'll get to a point where we can be fully available and present for a romantic relationship if we so choose. At this point, I'd rather heal

Same!

This is exactly where I am rn! I can’t seem to actually give anyone the time of day now no matter how hard they try due to so many bad experiences & they eventually give up so I never get to see the full potential of any relationship or love interest

It made me sad. My heart breaks 💔 for this young ladym

🙌

I'm 18 and I already feel this way. My city is pretty small. And talking to too many people even through texts drains my energy. 😢😢😢

I am in my late 30's, also a single mom and I have been single for 12 years since I broke up with the baby daddy. I have recently come to realize of my subconscious blocks. The first block, seeing myself as a product just because society ingrains in us that our social currency is our beauty and if I was hot, I wouldn't be single. Yeah, I probably wouldn't be, but if I had low self-esteem I would only attract men who just want to sleep with me. We can only get as much love as we give ourselves, I clearly don't see a supermodel when I look in the mirror, but I see someone cute and lovable and try showing up for myself in the way I would want someone to show up for me. The second block is that I don't perceive masculine energy as safe. I still think of men as liars, unstable, fickle and aggressive and that pretty much describes the way my dad was to my mom. I am still working on this on therapy. The third block for me was that I was afraid of dating again because I didn't want anyone to hurt me, so I would crush like a teenager on some unavailable dude and if anyone liked me, I would dismiss them over petty reasons. You mention that you are signed on multiple activities, that's great but you have to go because you enjoy it, because you feel good, not because you could meet some guy there. Be the energy that you want to attract ❤❤❤

@@Bogotaeverything All of the blocks you've listed here are representative of so many things so many of us are navigating- though the variables may be different. Thank you for being so detailed and sharing your experience. It's giving me a lot to think about.

What kind of group are you finding help in?

@@ebbyc1817 what

Congratulations on your progress! Julie@TeamFairy

He is not co-dependent, he's not there to save you from anything, you are not his project or his charity case, he's a narc and he's using you 😐

Thank you for sharing your experience. -TeamFairy

I hate to say this, but you are not in a relationship, or at least not in one the other person wants to be in. You deserve much better, switch the focus back to yourself.

@@Bogotaeverything we ended up breaking up and I’m focusing on myself for now.

I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy

Extremely helpful!

It's not like he's nice, maybe he just wanted a Tinder date to go to his house for him to get laid and here she is after a kiss demanding him to commit to her and treating him like he's a charity case, like she needs people to need her. At least he's not a narc, one would have used her and destroyed her, this guy is just being upfront about his lack of interest

Agreed 100%. He’s 36yo who’s had multi-year committed relationships before & he met a 26yo for 1 date. She fell in love w/ him, told him he’s only the 2nd man she ever kissed, she doesn’t believe in being physical before marriage & not to treat her like “toilet paper.” 😂 So to avoid hurting her & wasting money dating someone who’s too young & innocent for him, he’s tried to let her down easy. Part of me thinks it serves him right bc 10 years is a huge age difference in modern society & he shouldn’t be lying to her, but I bet the guy is a bit sketched out by her pursuit of him. He should’ve just said “I enjoyed getting to know you, but I’m looking for someone who has a background more similar to mine” or something 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've been hurt alot in my life i dont have any friends and it hurts so much.i need to know that the only friend i have is Jesus

@@user-ug5wc5ru8lthere are lots of online forums for Christian’s to make friends & find support. You might want to check those out & never know who’ll you’ll meet whether just platonic friends or maybe more. Good luck & God bless ❤

it's not so much that such people should be avoided, it's like trying to get a job, over a certain age, if you haven't had one job for more than, a year, every employer is going to hesitate to employ you. People use past experience as an indicator of future behaviour. and just like with a job, one would have to work harder to convince the other person that they are, reliable.

Good topic, and as I got older I was encouraged by news of a distant relative who married late in life but very happily.

good question.

if he has agoraphobia, why is she dating HIM.

Everyone gets lonely and when you are in a bad mental place you won't make very good decisions.

she didn't say "no sex" though, she said " I don't want to be treated like a....." something something, that's a very very different kind of energy. That's a demanding energy. Like, just leave him alone.

@@ebbyc1817no, she said no sex until marriage!

​@@kimlarso That is a demand.

I think you're confusing the terms "codependency" and normal, healthy "interdependence." Interdependence is simply having close, reciprocal relationships. "Codependency" is something different and unhealthy. You can read more about it on the Codependents Anonymous website. coda.org/meeting-materials/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/ Julie@TeamFairy

Good question, agoraphobia has a lot of restrictions. In this case, even though she is willing to always go to him, he doesn't want her to come over!

Is it weird that I can tell that you're a man just by your use of words ? (I'm trying to make you laugh. Btw. 😊🙂 )

@@ebbyc1817 l haven't worked for 6 years. And now l find the lawyer (no win, no pay) has fucked up my case. As for being a man l reckon CPTSD doesn't respect gender, race, religion. I probably not feeling like a laugh atm. I really just want to die. My life was shit and it continues to be shit. When l eat food it feels like a waste. A waste of time, money, effort.

@@Chapps1941 oh. ok then. :I

Dear chapps, I am sorry you are feeling so down and by the time you read this,if you read this, that you are feeling somewhat better.