Story 1 NTA OP's wife was wrong the way she was allegedly "joking" about OP not coping when OP us doing a lot of the work. She is not acknowledging how hurtful her "jokes" were to OP. Story 2 NTA if Clara wanted her mother to know the secret language she would teach it to her. His daughter's comment that she used the language because she wanted the other family to know how she felt when she was with them shows that she feels alienated by her mother and step family. The mother needs to ask herself why her daughter feels that way. Story 4 OP is NTA nobody can tell you how you are feeling, it's patronising and invalidates your feelings. OP's parents should accept how OP feels and admit they hadn't realised how complicated life was for her.

Story 1: dudes a crybaby get thicker skin. I hate when people can't take what was clearly a joke Story 2: the first commenter perfectly summarized my feelings. Story 3: Guy is the biggest asshole ever. Imagine hating your wife so much that you hold onto a grudge for 15+ years just to say you were right. Also clearly showing favoritism to your son. I hope she leaves you honestly. You bet against her this entire time hoping she'd fail so you could do this. It's shameful. Story 4: your parents cannot tell you how to feel you're right.

How is it fair the son gets 30k stolen from him? Does the mother think that isn't going to build resentment from him towards both her and his sister? 30k is enough for me to cut people out of my life till it is repaid, hope he is smart enough to demand his.

Story 3: how is forcing a child to pay for the wife's bad investing not an asshole move?

Story 3, The wife is the "idiot" because she lied when hubby asked how the account was and she refused to admit she was in the wrong and needed help. There are no punishments or favoritism by leaving things as they are. The only adjustments I'd suggest is adding the missed $100 monthly payments, and asking daughter if she'd like dad to take over the account since mom had trouble and refused to ask for help.

Nah is a funny trope. It aint seth McFarland's fault people can't distinguish between reality and fiction. I get what you're saying, though.

@@dungeonmasterblaster5600 they mean in real life. All parents have to be competent.

@@-.heaven.- yeah I get that. I went too deep on dumb shit

Honestly I hate those shows because of the abusive “funny” shit.

If the disrespect is allowed to go on she will eventually lose all respect, then she will start looking for better options.

Exactly if she wouldn’t want those jokes being made about her why do it to your spouse especially when he’s actually doing the work.

Gender controling, hypocritcal/profiling, mixed with societal double standards. It hurts both genders, because it not only makes all men look like brainless/ sex crazed morons,🤨 but it makes all women look like entitled/i can do whatever I want, take what I want/whenever I want and get away with it... Bri You are an example of how not all women are like her...🖖 👌

@@ZanyJIntPictures 🖖🏽

I call it emotional confusion, she didn't feel embarrassed, that's to broad of a description of a particular feeling. It's a symptom of guilt.

The other part of it is, she thought it was perfectly fine to make up stories and shame him in front of people, but if he says, "hey, that's a bit too much," then HE has embarrassed her. That's not OK in any marriage. She needs a wake up call.

@@tgbedini Yes. OP needs to put her in the dog-house. Make her sleep on the couch. Act like a B, get treated like one.

Not just mean, she is a sexist and a bigot.

She's clearly insecure. I imagine someone could say something about social expectations of women and blah blah blah, but AITA has had more than a few posts where a STAHM has gone off to travel for a bit and came back with the expectation in their heart that their family fell apart in their absence only to see that their kids have not just survived but thrived in her absence and even appreciated the encouraged independence from their father. The end result is always a father more or less being told they need to be "sympathetic" to their wife for being insecure and looking down on everyone to satiate her ego.

Spot on, thank you.

Roll reverse hypocrisy

Men and women both thrive on respect. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. She should respect him and any husband should respect a stay at home mom.

@Jim Bob But we’re all people aren’t we? Throw genders completely out the window and think about it in a general light for a moment on what our needs are

@Jim Bob Even if men & women require different things, both men & women want respect, and to be seen in a great light. That’s basic humanity, basic tribalism even.

^^Underrated comment right here, should have a lot more up-votes.

He did not 'help out'. He is the main childcare giver in the relationship. This is probably why she is pissed and going the belittle path. She is annoyed he is doing both child care, home care AND also his work on top of everything else WITHOUT HER HELP. She is the one helping him during evening times, to say the least.

@@TsukihimebrBlogspotAstralSword Exactly, she feels useless. So instead of fixing herself and doing more she's trying to bring him down to her level. It's digusting and childish behaviour. She needed to get called out for that bullshit.

Right. OP should lay off doing the housework for a week then keep following her around when she comes home from work, asking her when she was going to do some laundry or cook dinner.

@Hyun Kim that’s... a pretty salty perception. Relationships can work with both partners being right occasionally you know?

I do think they need to discuss the issue in a serious matter; that the stereotype she jokes about doesn’t apply here. But if that doesn’t work, maybe he should start acting like how she joked - bombarding her with calls about problems he actually can take care of himself. Or maybe joking about how she’s the stereotypical wife in the bedroom (always complaining how she never wants sex, is always henpecking him, etc) and let her see how funny that is.

@Hyun Kim ur aunt sounds insane lol

@Hyun Kim In this case, he didn’t “choose” to be right, he *is 100%* right. It was disrespectful. Period. He is right for wanting an apology after being blatantly disrespected.

It's a mark of disrespect. She would not have done that with all men.

Its so disrespectful

As a woman, I couldn't agree more. There are many ideas/actions/etc... which have become societal norms, which are designed to divorce men and women from one another, to induce us to hate one another, to sow seeds of confusion, misunderstanding, and mistrust between the genders. Men and women, we _truly_ are, and are meant to be, one another's greatest allies. Our society _should_ be designed to support this reality, not erode, damage and destroy it - as it has done in recent history, and is increasingly doing. We are at our best in all ways - when we fight to overcome all of the small, mean, cruel, iniquitous parts of our own nature, in order to support, champion, extend genuine care and compassion for and mercy toward one another. I.e., to genuinely love each other, without the expectation of receiving anything in return. To love, unabashedly, because one sees the value in, or we simply have native affection for the other (of course, with absolute respect for the boundaries of that person). We're being taught to be selfish in relationships. We're being taught to unwittingly, ruin what could be loving, lasting and emotionally, morally and spiritually sustaining relationships, which bring us untold joy, and carry us through unutterable hardship. Instead, we're being lured astray, by utter stupidity and lurid wickedness. I know what I say next will be highly unpopular, but I don't care. Tons of deviant sex will never sustain one's life. You can bonk for Britain, and it won't fix a thing. If one descends into opening up and fostering those appetites, it will be a never-ending and tragic saga. You'll always need something darker and more hard-core. And it will destroy you and your ability to properly attach. We need one another. We need one another to hold ourselves to a high standard - to inspire us to become our best selves, to nurture us when we are suffering, to speak truth to us, to prevent us from/show us the mirror to our actions when we're lying to others or ourselves. Further, we must hold ourselves to those high standards, to be worthy of that investment. At the same time, we should be seeing examples of men and women interacting with this profound care for one another in our art, in our media, to help us take on what is a difficult path. Instead, we're constantly being implored to give into our basest desires, and to treat one another like disposable masturbatory tools. I.e., inanimate objects, whose humanity we never actually acknowledge. We're to simply use them for sex, sex which we're truly having with ourselves - they're just the tool we're to use. It's no wonder so many people aren't making the genuine connections that men and women can and should have with one another - and that cruelty and dishonorable treatment like this, is becoming increasingly prevalent.

Agree. It is disrespectful and contributes to an attitude where we don’t expect men to be good fathers!

@@MissJessyeNorman Thats how satan/aka LOSERfer works in peoples live/the world...

right, kids gonna end up hating his mom cuz shes an idiot who cant make good decisions

On one hand it isnt the daughters fault her mom is an idiot, on the other, it isnt fair towards the father and son because they also arent at fault the mom is an idiot, to put it bluntly

I think the kids are stupid to think they’re entitled to any money at all. I think the OP should just spend the money on himself and have his kids learn their own finances. Most people don’t have access to that kind of money after highschool

I agree.

This. I mean, I agree with the responses that they shouldn't just let the daughter suffer, but the wife is the way bigger AH for just unilaterally deciding that they were going to split the money that husband made just to safe face. Everyone was asking why he didn't take back control of the fund-- why isn't anyone wondering why the wife didn't ask for help when she started losing all of the money? She had to have had planned this as the contingency from the beginning, and just figured OP would have to go along or look like a giant AH. and it looks like redditors fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.

Daughter shouldn't pay for her mother's mistakes. Just tell the kids what happened and then split the money between them. Wife knows she fucked up.

@@danlorett2184 Son shouldn't get screwed over because of the mother's mistakes. She screwed up, she has to fix it. Daughter needs money for college? Have the mother take out a personal loan if she is such a smart and independent feminist.

@@phoenix211245 this. But then again, accountability is like the kryptonite for females these days. Or was it ever?

They’re both A, risking your child’s financial future for a drunken bet you made and for pride shows how immature both of them are. The bet should’ve ended within the first year. The guy clearly knew his wife was gonna fail or else wouldn’t have taken the bet and she should’ve admitted early on that she was out of her depth. Also what what was the point of making a whole show of showing how much money each kid is getting? What so the dad could show how stupid their mom is to the kids? So the daughter new that her parents cared more for their pride then her future not to mention creating a rift between the kids. But what pushed me over the edge with OP and why I think he’s the bigger A was him commenting how he just wants to take most of the money and buy a truck for himself because everyone sees him as a bad guy now and that he is going to give the receipts to the kids just to show them how much money they missed out on. That just show how petty he really is and probably cares more about showing how much better he is then mom then about his family Because at this point there’s no way of solving this without the kids feeling cheated and I wouldn’t be surprised that there’s a rift in their family because of this

@@jovan3686 and its all the mothers fault for lying about the account for 20 years. Hes at fault for believing his wife. "Sure son,blet us take HALF of what you were going to get and give to your sister because your mother lied to me for years instead of asking for help with your sisters account." The wife lied and that started the problem.

@@jovan3686 in the story the guy said he pushed back but she was insistent on doing so the topic came about while drunk but he didn’t even agree until she kept making a fuss about it and trust me from what I’ve seen in my grandparents marriage sometimes you gotta say yes to shut the other person up

@@jovan3686 not a drunken bet she probably said it before thinking it was easy she lied and and failed and didn’t ask for help same with a college fund in 90% of stories the mother DOSENT make any money and she is to blame not the husband who knows how to make money it’s like your partner saying they are gonna pay for the vacation and boom when it’s time they don’t have the fucking money her fault next time come clean and don’t lie I feel bad for the son money stolen by the mothers bad shitty lied filled prideful egotistical choices tbh.

@@jovan3686 I don’t agree with you on this man or miss because in a marriage you have to have truest and the dad had trust in his wife and the wife lied to him so the wife to should man up and face the consequences of her mistakes because if it was the other way around the dad would be getting so much shit and say he useless and he should man up and now it 2021 equals right…

Can you imagine if, at the same party, HE started telling lies about her? Making her seem bitchy, or incompetent, or lazy and unhelpful? (or worse) She would have, justifiably, been hurt and angry. But it's OK to lie about him. Nope.

@@shenanigansone8172 reddit is full of white knights and the typical feminazi. When a woman splits finances, she's called independent. When a man does it, it's called financial abuse. When both decide to split finances, the man is still the bad guy.

He should definitely have given the daughter more, but he isn't the a hole and the wife needs to step forward, admit fault, apologize, and change.

@@mynameisinsertnamehere3059 He gave them both the same amount, it's just the wife screwed the daughter.

yup, the mother should be the one to fix things and start dumping more money into the account to even it out, not penalize the son, mother didnt put money in each month, she didnt do any research into the potential investments (looking into the company to see how their stocks were doing over the past coupe of years, etc), before you invest you gotta do your homework, cuz you never know you could end up investing into a scam and getting ripped off

Oh, jeez... Because you missed the point of people calling the father the bigger ass, yes the mother is an idiot too but as it is and as the last comment well exlpained too he gives no indication he isn't doing this for anything but his pride. To teach his wife a sort of lesson while the only ones really suffering from this without having any hand in it are the kids. Meanwhile they're both busy being angry at each other and him sticking to his guns while they could look for a solution so their kids won't resent their parents and maybe even each other.

Because Reddit has a tendency to protect the woman in nearly every case.

Also the "you shouldn't have allowed her to do it." Come on, man. She's an adult. If she wanted to do it she was going to do it anyway; dude's not her dad. And if he had stepped in and taken control of the fund away from her I guarantee he'd have still been excoriated by reddit for denying her agency or whatever.

@@wilsoncalhoun damned if you do. And damned if you don’t.

@@wilsoncalhoun what I have learned is that, especially on reddit, women are treated in a similar manner as children. Which is why those commenters were working overtime to rale on OP. Just like society to believe that kids can do no wrong society also believes women can do no wrong despite both are fully capable of atrocities.

Because you missed the point of people calling the father the bigger ass, yes the mother is an idiot too but as it is and as the last comment well exlpained too he gives no indication he isn't doing this for anything but his pride. To teach his wife a sort of lesson while the only ones really suffering from this without having any hand in it are the kids. Meanwhile they're both busy being angry at each other and him sticking to his guns while they could look for a solution so their kids won't resent their parents and maybe even each other.

She lied repeatedly to him about the status of the college fund. 11:55 This is a case of the MOM being a lousy parent, not the dad. She wanted to control the fund, she failed miserably, she didn't ask for help for nearly 20 years, she lied when asked about the fund, and the solution was, instead of working to make money to address the account disparity in the 2 years before the daughter goes to college, to take money from the son who was imminently headed to university. Let's be honest here. OP is taking care of three children.

Yeah, she said she'd handle the daughter's investments, so he let her. End of story. In the end she sucks at investing so how does that make him the AHole? It doesn't. Except I agree that he should split the funds with the two kids, which he did. So he's not the AH in any way whatsoever.

Yes, everybody saying the daugter is being punished... so he should punish his son, because his wife is a stupid liar. He has asked about the account.

I actually think he made the worst investment in trusting his wife.

@@stevecarey2030 He should not have split the funds. There are two years before the daughter is headed to university. The wife should be working extra shifts or picking up a job to make up for the fact she wasted 20 years of investment time. You don't need to pay the full cost of a degree up front. So, the wife actually has four or five years to come up with the remaining 50K. You can easily come up with the money even working a low-skill, minimum wage job part-time over that period of time.

Yeah,it was a joke. If he is angry for several days after that,they ether have more serious problems,or no problems at all.

@@thevrana Only a joke if the family knows the truth. Besides, it's a sexist joke that's very disrespectful and she herself wouldn't tolerate it at all if the same were directed at her.

Yah, the moment you start seeing the triad of cheating tells, hire a PI and start consulting with all the best, most cutthroat divorce attorneys. Every one. As a guy, you'll need every advantage and once they've consulted with you it's a conflict of interest to represent her. Leave her some $50-suit-wearing, Sheboygan Upstairs Law College graduating shyster.

In my house they absolutely can. I respect the autonomy and boundaries of my children. My hope is if anything is bad enough in their life they need help they know they can be safe in reaching out to me.

🙃 there are different kinds of secrets which need to be explained to all children. Good secrets and bad secrets. Good secrets can be kept, but if someone tells you to keep something secret from trusted people it may not be good. (Elaboration party, gifts are an exception to this)

And he works full time. He both takes care of the house... And brings in the dough. How much of her money is our money... He didn't say. Either he's way too good for her. And that's it. Or he's way too good for her and she actually contribute to the household.

One thing I would say on her defense though: from how the story is said, it seems that the man does all the work while his wife is at work. When she is home, he recovers. So it's quite likely that the wife was simply unaware of how much the dude was doing. Maybe her idea of clean is different from his, and since he sometimes calls her for advice and isn't doing anything while she's there, she just assumes he's a lazy bum. There's also the chance that she's an ah, but I wonder if a bit of communication could solve this situation.

@@Daniel-nl5un Sorry to reply to an old comment, but all the things she said to the house guests seem to be about what happens *during* work hours. She said the house is a mess when she comes home, and that OP constantly calls her for help when she's at work. It's quite different from "he won't do anything when I come home from work". Everything she said was to show off how she's a Super parent 24/7 while lying about OP's abilities and achievements.

@@imugi-16 Exactly. She's not saying how "lazy he is when I get home" she's saying "he's a lazy incomp while I'm at work and always needs his hand held despite the fact that really, he does more work than I do basically every day."

Absolutely...she was in control of the funds and screwed it up ... but it's op fault

Yeah - wife always said she was doing great, and because he didn't constantly check into the account now he's the a-hole. Bunch of Reddit trolls white knighting for a woman they've never met is par for the course though.

What a load of horse shit the responses are. No personal accountability. I was thinking of making a comment on it a few hours ago when I read it and knew what that thread would start. Don't need another ban so I'll skip that shit

@@Lashkor honestly! And they claimed he was “punishing” the daughter, even though at the end if the day she still gets 10-15k?!?! Wish i had that type of punishment growing up

@@jj_nathan1113 yeah first of all, they never even considered that the kids don't have to get any money, as it's not 'their' money, and second of all, if you ever need to consider if someone's an a-hole just reverse the situation. They would have told the man to take full accountability, apologize, called him an idiot, etc.

Ikr, so impressive

The problem is he has gone to the extent to hurt his child to protect his pride, not wanting to split it or buying a truck to celebrate how great he is. And he wants to specifically tell the kids how much their mom sucks. That would make me defensive of my mom even though I have a great relationship with both parents.

@@Andi2495 No, ma'am. The only one victimizing her kid here is mom, because of HER pride. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

@@Andi2495 His wife lied to him for 17 years, not once coming clean with the account and he's the prideful ah? Edit: I totally forgot, his wife never never added any money to the funds.

@@Andi2495 I really feel bad for you. You must have a pretty fucked up mindset to think that. Just because the wife has a vagina doesn't mean she can't do wrong or be held accountable for her actions.

Some of you are really rude. I’m not saying the mom didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just saying that more than one person could be making a huge mistake there. It makes no sense to take it out on the kids- I think he could even get a divorce if he was being so lied to over finances. Telling the kids how much you SO sucks is not healthy regardless.

Choosing violence, I see . That's the only way to live in this world now.

because r/aita is full of simps. white knights will try to always protect women regardless of faults.

I think it’s his fault for even giving her control in the first place

@@ctmyers896 nah, he is in a no-win situation. if he didn't let his wife handle the daugther's money he will still be the bad guy. the wife would still argue that investing is easy

@CT that would be abuse. Stopping your partner wasting money or making bad financial decisions is classed as domestic abuse. However, its usually another double standard. If a man is being stupid with money - it's ok for his partner to stop it. If a woman is ..

@@quarkshark9388 let her argue all she wants. At the end of the day the money would’ve still been there

I hope she got a full personality transplant if y'all still married, or if not, that she got a sense from the alimony she's paying you just how "little" you did.

I agree with everything except the mom isn't listening point. Yes she was wrong for trying to get op to get her to stop, and no op shouldn't teach her the language. If he did then the daughter could just create a new language and not teach him so now no one would be able to use it with her. But until we know why she feels that way we can't really say the mom isn't listening to her. There are plenty of stories where when a parent gets a new family they ignore their child, but there's also plenty of stories where the new family tries yet the kid wants nothing to do with them. Not saying it's this but it's possible her issue is now she's not the only child and doesn't get 100% of the attention what she gets isn't enough. You're right, they should get therapy if they aren't already, both family and individual. But the mom did sound like she wanted to learn the language to be able to better understand her daughter. Imagine a family of 3. 2 of them know a second language but the third didn't. If the 2 spoke that language while the third was around and they wanted to understand what they were saying there's 2 options. 1 those 2 speak the language all 3 know or 2 they learn the language. Except here everyone that knows that language refuses to teach them simply because they want to exclude them. We'll never know the entire story but the fact she wanted to learn it is at least an indication the mom cared and was listening, just no one would tell her what's really going on.

Same thing if you want to get technical. He made a deliberate choice to call her out in front of her family which Embarrassed her. The effect is the same however you nitpick at it💁🏿‍♂️

@Max Powers Or...... Now Hear me out here....just a hunch.......mind you it is a educated guess.....maybe..... BOTH ARE TRUE 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯FCK broke internet today.😥

You’re wrong but, ok LMFAO

There are three types of shitty parents, and those are ones that treat their kids as friends (ie having fun is more important than teaching life skills and discipline), punching bags (self explanatory), and finally dolls. The third is much more common and involves the parents attempting to dictate personality, feelings, and decisions, like a child playing house with dolls. There's nothing that infuriates a parent playing house with their children more than the doll-children refusing to play the roles their parents assigned to them.

The investing wife wanted control of the daughter's fund and kept demanding it until she got it. Once she got it. she guarded all information about it from the husband to conceal her disastrous handling of the account. If the husband had demanded to see the account details, then demanded that she change the way it was handled, then likely that would have resulted in a huge blow-up and possibly a divorce. The husband was put into a no-win situation. If he had refused to let the wife have control of the account, she would have felt that he did not trust her and doubted her competence, and then her resentment would have reverberated through the relationship. Letting her have control of the account likely saved the marriage. But now the commenters are saying YTA to him for not taking control back? The commenters are completely delusional to think that he could have taken back control of the account without blowing up the marriage. Not only would that have been a demand for accountability from the wife but would have been a clear statement that he found her incompetent in financial management - likely an intolerable statement of disrespect in her eyes. Now the wife wants to avoid accountability for her poor financial decisions by saying the accounts should be combined and split evenly between the 2 children. When the husband resisted this idea, it led to a "blowup" and "meltdown" by the wife and daughter. The husband knew the wife's handling of the daughter's account created a "ticking time bomb", showing that he knew that she had made a mess from her hubris, and that he harbored resentment over this. Now he is put in the position that he has to go along with the wife's idea of combining the 2 accounts and splitting them evenly between the 2 children, or be divorced. Whichever way the children's investment accounts are now handled, one or both of the children will suffer from the wife's poor financial decisions. This case is an object lesson in how a modern marriage involves surrendering autonomy and good sense to one's spouse's hubris and feelings. This obviously cuts both ways between the spouses. Protecting oneself from such problems has become extremely difficult in "no fault" divorce jurisdictions.

@@altinfoil592 your analysis is good, but my point is simple. She does not dictate divorce, he should have. A man especially today needs to stand by logic and truth. He knew better then to trust her, and only did so to please her. Screw her feelings, he should have said he didnt trust her and he wouldn't give her the account because she doesn't know what she is talking about. The answer to NO and if you dont like it you can leave. Men need to start acting this way, otherwise they are thrown into these lose lose situations. Speak matter of factly but bluntly. Ignore feeling based arguments and stick to the facts. The wife was entitled to start her own investments correct? Why not have her start with that? Why give his daughters future to the incompetent mother? His mistake was not standing his ground, if it's a divorce so be it. This is the only way, if she was going to leave over that you shouldn't be with her anyway. (Probably wouldn't leave anyway if she thought he didnt care)

@@mishaelcalhoun1165 Your position reminds me of the guy whose answer to arguments in a marriage was always "The husband should grow a pair and assert dominance over the wife." Well, I wonder how long he would have kept that pair intact if he ended up in family court (not very long, I wager). OP did not know at the beginning that his wife would not make a success of the daughter's account. He admits that he tried to pick stocks for the son's account and was not successful, so he stuck with mutual funds. His wife might have done the same, or might have done better than the husband. He feared that she would not be able to best the mutual fund strategy and ultimately his fear were proven correct - but he learned that much later. If OP had told his wife "My way or divorce", his best outcome would most likely have been a very resentful wife and an unhappy life. Ignoring the wife's feelings is the best way I can think of to get her to trigger a divorce. Divorce is not a desirable outcome in most cases. First, there were 2 young children who would be better off if the parents stayed together. In most divorces in the US and Canada, the wife usually ends up with sole custody of the children and the husband is lucky to get regular access. The wife usually gets to stay in the family home in most cases, and the husband must then seek a cheap apartment. The family assets (including pensions and 401Ks) will be split, and he will be ordered to pay child maintenance and alimony. He would be lucky to not end up sleeping in his car. Usually the only people who win in divorces are the lawyers.

@@altinfoil592 you cant view marriage that way, always running from divorce. If she starts acting crazy she can leave, if one marries that should be an excepted part of reality. If you betray your own reason to appease what essentially amounts to a child "most modern women" you will fail in marriage, life and happiness. He knew better and his children will suffer for it. That is the beginning and end of the situation. No is an important word that must be more often used. Domineering however is a word used to shame men. A man should be in charge, but I feel that word is used to imply violence or negative intent. It's not very productive. In the end if you want to avoid faimly court and its bias, dont get married. Marriage today in it self is a dumb decision for men but if men want to take that risk they should at least be married their way.

@@mishaelcalhoun1165 Yes, it is a sad life for a man to live in fear of threats of divorce. But that is the reality for many men now. There are too many examples to ignore. of men who have been devastated financially and emotionally by divorce and family court orders of child custody, access, alimony, child maintenance, and property division. A man risks becoming a perpetual ATM with responsibilities but very few rights for decades or for life. Debtor's Prison, long abolished as abusive, has now been re-introduced for ex-spouses who fall behind on maintenance or alimony payments. Unfortunately for men who wish to live by the traditional male model of head of the household, that model is no longer reflected in Western law systems. The current power dynamic has shifted power to women. 70% to 80% of divorces are now initiated by women, and 50% of first marriages end in divorce. Getting married is now a very risky move for a man, particularly in a "no fault divorce" jurisdiction. But, once married, it is up to the parties to make the best of the situation as it develops. OP here did not want to create discord by refusing to let his wife take control of the daughter's savings account. He might have chosen a better approach, perhaps by proposing a more collaborative decision-making process for both savings accounts, and thus kept some input in both accounts. This would have required regular consultation and compromise, and required much more energy on his part. It might have led to repeated conflict with his wife. Some men, particularly some men who have suffered from a fractious divorce, say that the only acceptable choice for men now is to avoid marriage and cohabitation, and, most importantly, to avoid fathering any children. This is reflected in the MGTOW model. Some say that modern marriage is a triumph of hope over rationality and experience. Most men are still driven by biology and mindset to pair up with women, many men with the wish to have children. But few easy choices remain.

The guy is working while holding down the fort. He's putting in child care, cooking, and cleaning while also earning a significant income. That guy is a keeper. This is not someone you flippantly make condescending remarks about. It's not at all proper to be taking shots at someone who is sacrificing like that. I mean, let's be honest... What sort of guy would get away with mocking his stay-at-home-wife's contributions in front of his family? You think that wife is going to go home happy? You think she is justified in her anger? Of course, she would be. There is no difference here. I'm not sure why she did it, but the way she blew off his reaction does not make me like her. Her husband had every right to be unhappy about those comments. The audacity of this wife to treat him as if his contributions are not to be respected or valued in front of others. This is true emasculation.

Yes. If I was OP, I would demand that she apologize to me infant of the people that she joked to, and nothing less. Imagine if the roles were reversed. The wife's sister needs a reality check also.

Hell, maybe she flat out is being rejected. I've been in the scenario of a parent moving on and me being just there until the visit was over. No contact or anything, Toxic parenting is everywhere. And sadly its just adults who refuse to act like responsible adults. (Hell worse that they are barely responsible adults. they have children ffs)

She totally feels that way, poor kid.

He absolutely does need to shut that down. It's hard to do anything with a partner that has learned not to respect you. In some cultures, what she did would have been reacted to with horror by both sides of the family. It is NOT a joke to take shots at your partner's reputation and "face" in front of family. Unfortunately, OP's wife doesn't seem to be owning up to her actions. That's not a recipe for future marital success.

No, he needs to SHUT IT DOWN, but not in public, he should have gone home and had that discussion with the wife in private. Husband/wife need to support each other 100% and have their arguments in private. What SHE did was absolutely wrong because 1) she criticized HIM in public, 2) she LIED. Blasting her in public to her family doesn't help the relationship at all! Having that discussion at home in private demanding an apology from her AND demanding that she correct the LIES she made to her family are necessary steps to repair the relationship.. Then the OP should apologize for blasting her in public!

@@williamhalejr.4289 I agree. The husband has made his position clear. The wife states that he's making a big deal out of nothing and is giving him the silent treatment. It doesn't speak highly about her character that she doesn't recognize she fouled up or that she does and is unwilling to apologize.

@@williamhalejr.4289 Sorry, he should shut it down publicly when it happens. When I read story one, my first thought was that she was building character witnesses in case of divorce. That way she'd get custody if she filed.

@@williamhalejr.4289 I see your point. That's one way to do it. Actually, this type of thing never happens to me because when I sense something like it I shut it down on the spot, but without being confrontational. Essentially I give them a stare that without any words lets them know that I'm not happy with what they are saying. Then in a few calm, but clear words I shut down their BS. Like in the example I gave, I'd just say, you know that never happened. The tone of my voice and my demeanor would be enough to shut it down and it will likely never happen again.

I know right, if I get 15k from my dad I would be ecstatic!

She didn't lose big, she did jack shit. While he added 100$/ month to the investment fund, she did not ($1200/year * 17 years = ~20k). I don't think that's losing big, I'd call it negligence.

And white knights who think men are trash

Why? It wasn’t his sons money like an inheritance, it was their parents money they put aside for the kids. Wife is the worst actor, but OP KNEW this was a bad and let his wife gamble his daughters future anyway. Why is it fair that the daughter has almost no money invested in her future while the boy has a butt tonne through no fault of the daughters own ? How is it fair to make the daughter pay for the mums bad choices?

@@aikikaname6508 Op shouldn't have to shadow his wife and check up on her to see if she's messing up the account. Is it fair that the daughter is getting less? not at all but where's the accountability for the mothers actions, she knew she was drowning and didn't care at all. Its not fair to the son to lose 60k head start cause he's mom is douche with money. Op definitely isn't an asshole

@@KaizerRay well if the daughter decides to cut out her father for punishing her for mother's actions she is fully justified. If the son tops up sister's account so they have even amount he would be more mature then his parents, saving his relationship with his sister and having her back from toxic parents whose main goal was to up one another and not providing equal support and love to their children.

@@TKDkristina you completely gloss over the fact that had the mother not even initiated this in the first place none of this would have happened. If anything his wife was trying to one up him, she said investing was easy but it wasn't. why would daughter cut her father out when he was the one who provided all the money in the first place. Op isn't punishing his daughter, in the long run he would have still provided for her anyway. The point was the mother isnt owning up for anything and didn't even try to make it up to their daughter. All she did was throw the blame onto Op and making him look like an ass for not wanting to punish his son for his mother's mistakes.

@@aikikaname6508 so OP shouldn’t trust his wife?

Tru his wife is incompetent asf

If the sexes had been reversed, nobody would have cared. At all. Would have told the boy to suck it up. And the OP would still have been TA for deriding his poor wife. Because, reasons. That's Reddit in a nutshell.

Seems like most people missed that part

@@reggiebrown4911 Well, why hear the whole story when you can demonize a man AND infantalize a woman?