Story 1: AITA for telling my sister she's the worst thing to ever happen to me and I hate her even if she's changed/gotten help? Story 2: 5:17 AITA For Not Helping My Sisters Get Power Of Attorney Over Our Dad In Case Something Happens? Story 3: 10:15 AITA for telling my stepsister I don't want her mom to be my mom? Story 4: 14:02 AITA when my siblings and I continued a Thanksgiving tradition our older half brother wasn't a part of?

When you're not the direct victim of an addict, it is easier to forgive them. However, when you're in the middle of the chaos and had your life turned upside down because of them? No, no one can expect you to be okay with them even if they changed. If someone decides they do want to forgive, it is still on their timeline. It doesn't make them a bad person. Just someone who was irrevocably hurt by the addict/former addict.

I love how in the second story they try and call the father sexist while being sexist towards him trying to take away his right to know who his children are.

Title Story: NTA. Even if sister has legit changed, OP doesn't owe her forgiveness. Being a junkie is no excuse, and turning over a new leaf doesn't magically erase the pain she's caused. Besides has she really changed? Does she plan to make restitution for what she stole? If not, she can take a long walk off a short pier. OP shouldn't give her a penny, and definitely should seek a therapist.

First story, OP is not the a-hole. They have resentment, their sister was horrible to them and their family, OP has no reason to like their sister.

Addiction aside. She treated you like crap before then. NTA

First story: if she's sorry, she should save up and pay back for the stuff she stole.

First story: NTA, they were far from close before the addiction. And how does she know that she's actually cleaned up her act apart from her saying so?.

Everyone saying 1st story not the AH.. Did anyone else notice that maybe Kate is still lying to OP and just buttering her to get her inheritance or maybe rob OP again ... She did it before just saying....

Story3: Massive NTA. Holy crap OP's father is royally failing her as a parent. Golden child? No respect for OP's boundaries? Forbidding her to contact extended family? This househould is more toxic than a sewer. I really hope OP can get out, go live with her uncles/aunts/grandparents.

There is no reason to put yourself in a position to be victimized multiple times. You straightened out? Good for you, wish you the best, I’m not interested.

Story 1: "Not one happy memory" enough said. Story 2: Emotionally Manipulate, Emotionally Manipulate, Emotionally Manipulate, Cry Sexism. Pretty sure the father has a damn good reason to not fully trust the sisters.

No one is entitled to forgiveness... No matter the blood connection.

Yeah it was a long time ago but your parents were engaged a committed relationship.

Story #1: NTA. For some things, there are no forgiveness. The last memory the mother and granddad have of Kate is her stealing from them, then vanishing. No amount of "I'm sorries" can undo that. Things like this are why it's a risk to let addicts back into your life. Story #2: NTA. When the dad was hurt and felt betrayed, OP's sisters showed him, through their actions, that they were on the mother's side. The same mother who cheated. It only makes sense he cannot completely trust them after letting him down like that. Story #3: NTA. You cannot force someone to feel close to another person. If OP doesn't want that relationship with the stepsister's mom, then it's not going to happen. The stepsister is the one who keeps trying to force the issue, so it's her own fault her feelings got hurt when OP rejected her nuclear family dream plan. Story #4: NTA. The half-brother wasn't being excluded. He simply was never there to participate in this Thanksgiving game. This has nothing to do with him. And even if it did, it isn't as if OP is close with this guy in the first place. Nobody asked the half-brother to show up ,and when he does, the first thing he does it start trouble. Forget him.

Story two, Why do so many daughters either defend or lessen the infidelity of their mothers? And then when it has personal consequences to their relationships with their dads its misogyny. GTFO NTA.

My sister is 18, I'm 20. She used to bully me along with my mother. It was so bad I almost became clinically psychotic. I struggle with SO MUCH mental health and self esteem issues now because of how they treated me back when I was a kid/teen. I tried for years to mend things with them even though they didn't gaf about me. I absolutely understand OP for lashing out at their sister.

Clearly in the third story I get the feeling that the step sister wants to have that family so bad growing up and now that she finally got it her stepsister doesn't want to be her sister let alone her stepmom to be her mom. I honestly feel like your father married the first woman he saw after your mother passed. My advice to you is it may be best to prepare yourself to go no contact or low contact with your step sister and your father the moment you turn 18 and maybe also go to therapy because this is one of those situations where the step sister has a lot of issues that is making her cling to you and your father like never before because she's never had a family outside of her mother to begin with. You're not in the wrong though but be careful because your father may end up basically crucifying you to the Cross if you go too far

Story 3: NTA. I can’t judge on how fast people move on, but just over a year to remarry after your spouse dies is really quickly. How long did he wait before he dated her and how long did they date? You cannot force people to see each other as family, not even step family, in these cases. OP is NTA

Forgivness takes time. Trust needs to be re built. It isn't fast. It can not be demanded.

With the Second Story it seems to me like the sisters wanted to keep their family together even though the mom f***** up during the engagement part of this session before the marriage. In addition I think the sisters are also pissed off that the dad went no contact with them during the divorce proceeding. My advice is simple be prepared for your dad to tell your sisters either they drop the anger and change their attitude or be prepared for him to cut them out of the will and completely go no contact and disown them because that's what's going to happen if they don't stop period in addition I strongly recommend that your father and your sisters go to therapy because this is one of those situations that's going to get even worse after.

There should only be one POA. I've seen total chaos when family fights over parents end of life. NTA

Story 1: It is great she’s changed. But, just because a person does change and is remorseful, doesn’t mean that they’re entitled to forgiveness from those who the person hurt. OP is NTA. Was it harsh? Yes. But it’s years and years of nothing good from her. Kate also wasn’t kind to her before she got addicted

1st story: NTA. Yes, yes, forgiveness is good and all, but once someone steals the piping out of your grandfather's home, they don't get to come back in your house. 2nd story: NTA. Your sisters took the side of the cheater and don't even understand why their own father is hurt. Maybe you should let them keep talking to your dad so that you can have their inheritance as well, at least they'd learn something. 3rd story: NTA. You don't have to call your dad's wife "mom." 4th story: NTA. You were ambushed and asked why you didn't think of the ambusher.

Lol never been the first to write in here before lol so here it is

"It was a long time ago" Translation: I successfully lied to you for over a decade.

'give her a second chance' she was already given a second chance and she robbed you and your family, victims arent required to forgive someone just cause that person feels bad about what they did

Story 2: NTA. The daughters always circle the wagon around the cheating mom in these situations. And OPs mom definitely cheated after the marriage, regardless of what she says

Story 3 : Bad enough that the father panders to step-sis, but marrying so quick after her mom's death and blocking contact with her maternal family? Unlike step-sis, OP has actual memories of her mother growing up until she was 10 and lost her, there is no room for someone else to assume that position.

OP in Story 1 updated. Kate sent her a reply. OP didn’t elaborate on what Kate wrote back to her, but apparently it was so bad that OP is now fully convinced that she’s just as bad, if not worse, than before she got clean. Kate has now been blocked by OP, and OP has stated she will get a restraining order if Kate contacts her again.

The first story definitely not the a-hole. Junkies don't get the right to make our lives a living hell for an extended period of time. And think that it's just all swept under the rug because they went and got help. There's this thing called resentment we're allowed to have it as victims. And helps not going to change that resentment

Story 2: NTA. First off, he’s still leaving them stuff in the inheritance. 2nd, I’m sure OP would relay any information to his sisters about him. 3rd, it’s not an issue of sexism. And they know that. It’s gross they’re throwing that around because that’s something people do deal with in these situations. I don’t get why they’re upset after their actions.

Story 3: It's obvious who the favorite child is, you're not gonna win this game so don't try. Just stick it out for 2 more years then see if you can stay with other family/get a place.

First story: NTA. If the sister is truly making steps towards getting better, she would know that this is NOT how you reach out to make amends. You don’t ask for forgiveness or guilt trip. You reach out to offer apologies and admit all of your wrongs. You allow the people you’ve hurt the opportunity to decide whether they are even interested in hearing you out or if they’d rather keep their distance. Either reaction is valid and OP’s sister is soooo wrong for guilt-tripping. She hasn’t changed and OP should stay as far away from her as possible.

Title Story - so the sister stole money, technology, valuable/heirlooms ... then for good measure opened a manhole cover and actually _stole the water pipes?!_ I’m really not sure if I’m more horrified that she stole precious items for family or stole her family’s drinking water 😒😒😒

It's your choice wether to forgive someone or not and they'll have to accept it regardless because they were ones that wronged you.

Just because you are remorseful now doesn’t take away the pain you’ve caused. No one has any obligation to forgive you just because you are sorry now. You hurt them and no matter what the contributing factor was, you still did and they have every right to resent you for it. Treat people well in the first place, and this isn’t something you’ll have to worry about. Drugs or not, abusive behavior is never ok and you are not entitled to be forgiven ever.

1st story: Kate committed treason on the family pulling that stunt of stealing and disappearing. If she wants to show she's serious about building bridges, she can start by paying for everything she stole. No guarantee other than maybe opening a dialogue after that. She needs to not just say she's better, she has to demonstrate that new level of responsibility.

NTA - part of the recovery process is reaching out to make amends to those we have harmed... there is NO part of the recovery process that says ur apologies must be accepted... It is the consequence of the crap-way we treated everyone/thing, in the grip of our addictions. The World (and our families) do not OWE us one second of forgiveness. We grow to be better, because that's what we should have damned well done, in the first place! You are n ot the A-hole. Stay strong OP

My father was a nasty abusive predator and like you I have no good memories of him. Just because he died dsnt change what he was?

Shit, I wouldn't even give the sister the money that was left to her. If anything, that can be a starting payment towards what she owes in stolen items.

1st story...OP's sister stole the piping from their granddad's home and cleaned their Mom's house out completely before disappearing. I wouldn't even trust her with my current home address, I don't care how clean she's gotten. Overcoming drug addiction is a LIFETIME battle; there's always going to be that voice in the back of her head that wants another hit, even decades after getting clean. And if she ever falls off the wagon again (so to speak), we already know how badly OP's sister is likely to fuck up OP's life.

Story 2: Ah yes, play the victim/race/gender card when you have nothing else to say. This has nothing to do with them being women, but all with him not trusting them how he used to. From my own experience I can say that the feeling of having control over someone's life isn't as great as it sounds. My mother talked to me about it many times and in the end I'll be the one to make the choice if worse comes to worst and honestly I'm terrified of having to make the decision some day. Not to the point that it completely blocks my ability to think and/or act, but still. They've already shown that they don't have his best interest in mind and I'm fairly sure they'll act similar again if they had to. Story 3: Maybe it's just me, but 13 months after the death of the wife seems WAY too fast to be legitimate. MIght be a different thing if it was an illness that takes years to kill, so the partner would've had time to come to terms with it way before the end, but it feels irresponsible of the dad to expect OP to move on that quickly.

Story 1: addiction is a terrible thing to deal with. If you let her back in, keep visits in public places, including holidays. Story 2: Your dad asked you to be a DPOA and trusts you to make decisions for his best interests. Do not give in to pressure to change this. I've seen how family dynamics play out when there is a situation going on many times.

I sponsor a methadone clinic, rather I own the thing it rather large and it has a motel like boarding. We have a program to collaborate with local jail/prison it deals with ppl like the sister from the first story. We have 8 official jail cells and 4 sheriff deputies, so basically a legit mini jail, this is so they keep their treatment regimen while serving their time

story one, I'm the type to "forgive but never forget" my version of it is i forgive you, but i won't let you near me to do it ever again

POA story, those sisters have proven to dad and OP that they are emotional manipulators. They hurt the dad during the divorce why would they go straight to sexism (yet an other form of manipulation) when clearly the line of poa’s are PEOPLE/FAMILY who have always had dads back. My family is the reverse bc i’m the girl I was asked to be narc moms poa, I declined and stuck my brother with it bc I live farthest away, the youngest with the youngest kids and didn’t want to deal with it.

POA Dad. There can only be one POA, or at least there should only be one POA. The reason is because few people are in agreement during stressful situations. Someone clearly in charge makes things easier. It would be strange to have more than one POA at the same time. With POA goes emergence contact as OP could be making decisions if something happens, medical treatments, what to do with personal stuff (not valuable stuff) in the case of death, putting him in a nursing home if incapacitated, etc. Sisters may have different ideas and then the family fights start if two people are in charge.

Family tradition should not die . Keep it going it who and what Thanksgiving is . Dont let him ruin fun or he gets his way . He thinks he in title to your dad only. He needs to get help . Keep fun alive .

I'd tell the sister in the first story to self delete and never call again. I've had things stolen from me before, I can't imagine what it's like to come home and be nearly cleaned out by your own sister. There are lines that shouldn't be crossed and no, I don't give an F if they were dealing with addiction. It's your fault for even doing that stuff in the first place.

Addicted sister. Friends see the world through the color of their eyes. If they have siblings they love they think they would forgive them anything. They can't imagine not having their siblings in their life. They also can't imagine what OP has gone through. I would never trust a junky until they have been clean for a decade and have built themselves a good life. Junkies usually slip back because they are addicts and that's what they do. Heroin is not like other drugs which are easier to kick and stay off. I feel bad for the sister but I wouldn't want a junky sister (or brother) in my life. I couldn't stand the rollercoaster ride.

ThEReS a PaNdeMiC iTs nOt SaFE

In the last story the half-brother sounds like a self absorbed jerk. Makes me think his mother is similar.

Thanks for the stories

Those sisters are very toxic and probably are cheaters too. They really want no consequences for cheating lol

Forgiveness. You need to honestly and sincerely forgive her. Not for her, but for you. You won't be able to let go of the anger until then. You don't have to forget what she did or like what she did. You don't even have to be around her. But, you do need to forgive her. Time will decide if you ever want to see her again, but, please, for yourself, forgive her in your heart. Your life will be better for it. I learned this from personal experience. So, I do know where you're coming from. I found this verse, Mathew 6:14- 15, it helped a lot and gave me an even better reason to forgive. I live by this verse now. May God bless you and give you the strength you need to continue on with a happy life.

NTA. We're all just one stroke of fate away from making a decision(or string thereof) so horrible that even if we manage to forgive ourselves, the world we knew would never forgive us. It sucks... but it also sucks for a reason. It is not your prerogative to forgive them no matter what the atoner brings. Atonement sucks. People like you make it suck. But that's not a knock on you; atonement is _supposed_ to suck.

First Story, OP should have given the sister the Godfather response. OP: (sisters name), you're nothing to me now. You're not a sister, you're not a friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want to see you at the hotels, I don't want you near my house. When you want your money ,I want to know a day in advance, so I can have a friend give it to you, I won't be there. You understand?

Addiction can't make you a bad person. But that doesn't mean you have a right to be forgiven for your actions under the influence.

Son is NTA. His dad wants him to be POA and it is good to have someone who you can trust to make decisions as you would be your medical POA. That said... everyone should consider a living will, POA,and will. It makes it so much better in a health crisis or in the event of death. They are easy to make and inexpensive to have.

Power of Attorney isn't something that is owed to your children just because they're related. It is something that should be given to an individual who you have determined you trust to make similarly reasoned decisions for you that you would make if you could. That is why I would never EVER give such power to certain family members who do not align with me religiously. Because they would not make the same medical decisions I was. It doesn't matter that we love each other, we do not make the same decisions.

Story 1: her addict sister burned her bridges. Nta op.

With the last story you can almost have sympathy for the older brother of the original poster. Think about it he only sees his father during one holiday year he comes home for Thanksgiving his siblings are doing a goofy tradition and he sees all his siblings doing something that he's not used to and he gets upset and then it said was off on him. To be honest I think your siblings and him and the dad need to do family therapy and to be honest I think they need to be prepared to let him open up his real Raw and emotional feelings because this is the guy that is probably going to unleash so much pain on the family and probably so much anger that they may have to just say do we want to deal with him or do we need to cut contact with him. As much as it is making you guys dressed when angry to walk on eggshells for him and for your dad imagine how that must be for your dad. In addition this may be a situation where you guys may have to cut contact for your family's sake and for your father to choose the son that was basically somewhat neglected emotionally by him or the children that basically so I can go through the pain of not having his firstborn there next to him. And that's going to be something that will most likely destroy him inside

NTA... No one is entitled to forgivenes and no one is obligated to forgive. Kate had a chance for reconciliation but ended robbing her family and skipping town. It is also very likely that her actions was the cause for her mother's heart attack. Also, lets mot forget just how badly she treated OP even before she got hooked on D. OP said she had zero good memories of Kate and that is not the failt of OP at all. As someone who is estragned from their sh*tty sister, i can honestly say i support OP's action and she was 100% right for saying what she said. OP has zero love for her sister and Kate has no one to blame but herself for it. I really wish OP all the best and she stick to her guns on this one. But if by some chance OP does decide to give her the time or day, the she should make herpay back every single cent she stole from her, her mother and grand father and let her know that is the only way she will even consider thinking about letting her back in. At the very least, she can reclaim what Kate stole from them and still not have a relationship

oof story 3 hit hard. In 7th grade, I basically had a mental breakdown because my mom got my sister to start calling her fiance mom and every waking hour it bothered me, I couldn't handle the fact that my sister would call her which pressured me into a terrible position. and I snapped at my sister, mom, and her fiance and told them that id never call her mom if I were to die the next day. so yeah kinda understand definitely NTA

Story 2 OP dad isn't sexist, but a lot of the commenters supporting him are.

Story 2: why are your sisters so strongly trying to justify cheating? What have they done before?

Story #1 NTA. Forgiveness is only a gift, never an obligation. Kate doesn't feel remorse for the evil she's done, she's just apologizing for selfish reasons - she said herself that she "doesn't want to lose her last family". She wanted a bridge because she'd burned all her other ones. I hope Kate turns life around and becomes a better person, but part of that includes realizing that OP doesn't owe her anything and humbly accepting if OP is unwilling to give her a third chance. Story #2 NTA. OP is the only member of the family who cared about the father for his own sake, instead of for the utility that could be squeezed out of him. Cheating during the engagement is still cheating, and still unforgivable. The mother and sisters tried to manipulate the father and force him to bury his feelings. The sisters have only themselves to blame for the loss of their father's trust - they sided against him when he most needed support. Story #3 NTA. If OP doesn't want to call her step-parent "mom" then she's under no moral obligation to; it's her feelings, and she already has a mother. It's kind of disturbing how the father is trying to replace his dead wife in his daughter's eyes, and how he's limiting contact with her advocates. If this continues I can see OP asking to live with one of those relatives and going no-contact with the father. Story #4 NTA. That sounds like a sweet tradition and I wouldn't want to give it up either. As for the half-brother, not only did he show up unannounced but he also treated the rest of the kids like dirt for years.

As I am a funeral director and have experience with this,. POA both legal and medical are going to end at his passing. The only thing that carries past that is on the medical power of attorney, which is a provision is that unless otherwise stated allows the medical power of attorney to make all funeral arrangements without anyone else’s input. I would also suggest that he make a will that names you as the executor so that there is no dispute at his passing. Any and all property needs to be included in the will and if he is going to give the majority of that to you, there needs to be a clause that states that he is giving them no more than $10 which will alleviate the will being contested.

One thing that I wish I knew before I got sober was that not everyone is going to forgive you for what you did when you were an addict. And you can be clean or sober for years but you will be an addict for the rest of your life. You can so easily fall.

story 2 The son is in the right and thinking rationally because he is thinking if he was in the situation what he would do. the daughters are looking at it from the moms perception but building a relationship on a lie is a false relationship. the dad see himself the most in the son and this is why he has the right to do so and has made a great decision and has a great son to be proud of.

Everyone I've ever encountered was the worst thing in my life

Power of attorney: NTA. There’s no reason for them to have poa. Your father has made his choice based on trust not on sexism. Wow makes you wonder what they’re capable of to pull that kind of crap. They want to be able to place him on a whim and have access to his assets first. Shame on them

I would want to know who OP's father designated as executor of his will ..... and how the will directs that the estate is distributed. POA's are only in effect as long as the person is alive. The "power" of the POA ends at the time of death. Does OP's father have an advance directive? Has OP's father designated a "health care advocate"? Has OP's father completed a MOLST? He should do both. (A MOLST form contains medical orders related to a patient's current medical condition. An advance directive provides guidance to a health care practitioner but treatment decisions need to be based upon medical orders. Even if a patient has prepared an advance directive, a MOLST form is needed to implement those orders.) I learned so much when handling my aging mother's affairs and caring for her. It helps to have a good attorney providing some guidance. Has the father designated someone on his bank accounts as beneficiary and either a co owner on the accounts (providing full access) or as a POA. What about safety deposit box(es). Life insurance policies? I hope OP reads this. So, so, many things to consider. What about the title/deed to any properties OP's father owns ...... (yeah, I know, OP said the estate is to be shared equally, but still)

Wouldn't piss on her if was on fire! Lol best quote! If it qualifies as one!

Story 2: “it was a long time ago” actually means “I’ve been lying to you for a very long time”

What's with all the sexist comments claiming that daughters always support their cheating mothers while hypocritically bashing the part of the story with the daughters crying sexism? It's definitely not true, and I (a daughter, btw, lol) nearly ruined my relationship with my mother over her cheating on my father. Yeah, the daughters sucked for saying their just desserts was sexism, and they should have handled the whole thing better (been on their father's side or stayed out of it, and agreed to the paternity test because men just don't get the same 100% guarantee that women do) but I do feel the tiniest bit bad for them that their father went no-contact with them during the divorce. I know that they were in their 20s when it happened, but divorce can ruin relationships between parents and kids, too, and his avoiding them rather than shutting their crap down didn't help. OP is NTA, obviously; his father's decision on who he picks to help him in the hard times is his father's business, not theirs.

The damn stepsister needs to get a reality check. The OP had a mother for 14 or 15 years. She may be dead, but that is still her mother. Who would be so presumptuous to try and replace "my mom" with "my dad's wife?" Op should not turn to family to validate her, but talk to an uninvested 3rd party.

ST- 1, The copper from the water pipes😮 them drugs have people doing outrageous stuff

First story: NTA. OP has a right to feel that way. However, it is family, but the past actions speak volumes. I'd say give her once shot, and be very clear, strict, and honest about everything. Bring up your childhoods and how you were treated by her, and ask her how she'd feel having a sister do the same thing to her. And then ask her if she would trust a sibling after having so much stolen from her and her own family. Having her try to see it from the other side should tell her everything about why that OP doesn't give a damn. And explain again that if she fucks up and falls off the wagon again, then there was never a family member for her to return to. Story 2: also NTA. The father is clearly hurt. This is on the sisters for basically siding with their failure of a mother and wife that tried to brush off her actions with the "but afterwards I've been always faithful" line. And then the sisters tried to guilt trip the OP. What bothers me the most is the sisters even tried to use that line. The failure must have really said some convincing things for them to follow the same logic. Story 3: I had to listen to this one again. I think everyone here a bit of an asshole. OP didn't mention ever asking why their step-sis was so fixated on the whole "call her mom" and being a family. I'm guessing they feel left out of it from everyone else having a family but hers isn't by normal standards, so she desperately wants it. The lack of a father may also be a driving factor to this (or I'm reading too much into it). The step-sister is the biggest one, basically pestering OP constantly. *Insert quote about the definition of insanity here* Step-sis needs to back off and let OP do their thing. By trying to force OP to call the step-mother "mother" or just "mom", they're just destroying any chance they have at the whole family idea. And the parents are right behind the step-sis. I get that they also want to see themselves as a family, but they do not have any respect for how OP feels. If OP just wants to call her "step-mom" then just take that as a small victory. But I feel like if nothing is done to keep the step-sis from continuing this behavior, there isn't going to a family at all.

They're trying to guilt them by using 'ists' and buzzwords. They don't deserve any benefits beyond what his dad wants.

Funny how everyone is fighting among themselves while mother is still being like "i didn't cheated while being married" like she did a favor on him lol! Sister choose the rotten stick! Now she can't scratch with it! Live with an itch! What's up with being like this!

Test her if she takes the $150 your mother left her then move on from her. But if she doesn't take it it proves she has changed.

Don't make decisions based on how you "might" feel at some unknown future point, it doesn't matter how you MIGHT feel, but how you ACTUALLY feel. We can't avoid regret, it's the human condition. She may or may not regret her words, but I doubt it. Even if she does, why should that matter in the moment?

Story 3: I see one daughter who will rightfully disown her father and go NC with his family once she is 18. Story 4: So he set himself apart of you and it's your fault that he is now set apart of you? he is TA

Story 1: OP spoke the truth and if her sister is truly with any hope of improving she ought to have heard this eventually, though sister should have waited till she got to that step of her program. Don't really pity her but guess that if she can take it then that's the best gift OP could have given her. If she didn't, then it may be the best gift for OP. Story 2: They don't seem to prioritize the dad at all and are these "don't rock the boat" people. Story 3: I'd have added I didn't want to be her step, half, or let alone full sister. I think OP may have some sort of inheritance. Story 4: He showed up unannounced and expected to be catered to? I'd have honestly said that he's not doing himself any favors and on THANKSGIVING he sure didn't try to make anyone feel glad he showed or is grateful they even tried to be nice. If he can't stand 5-10 minutes of people trying their best to be welcoming despite not achieving his wishes he sure is not someone to be grateful showed up.

You make your own family, but you cannot force one's to be your family.

Story 3 talk to them put a solid line 😊❤

First OPs friend might be one of the people that always say "be the bigger person forgive your abusers as they are trying to make amends and change for the better" well NOPE! Some people had to deliver harsh words and punishment to their toxic family to somehow bring them back to reality or else they are basically becoming an enabler to their continue being toxic.

You gave Kate a second chance and she LITERALLY TOOK EVERYTHING AND SOLD IT. SHE STOLE EVERYTHING EVEN THE COPPER PIPES. That is a horrible experience. Good on her that she’s turning herself around. But honestly she needs therapy.

Concerning that first story, it's more complicated than the question allows. To start, what OP said to his sister after their mother passed away was, indeed, really quite harsh, possibly more than they really meant. BUT, the sister tried to make amends at a time when OP was emotionally compromised and OP was possibly in no state to deal with her rationally. This is NOT to say OP was wrong, far from it. As OP said, they only ever knew their sister as abusive and manipulative, and the last time their sister came to them with a similar spiel, she turned around and robbed her family blind and they had no guarantee she wouldn't do it again first chance she got. So to answer the question of if OP is the AH: NTA, but in the sense that OP wasn't in a state capable of properly handling their sister. I think once OP has had time to grieve, maybe also get some therapy to sort out their feelings, they should try talking to their sister again, even if it's only to restate their desire for no contact, something that OP is well within their rights to ask for considering their negative history.

First Story: "...I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire." o__o Damn, that is savage. 12:38 "...It seems to be a trend of widowed guys marrying quickly then being shocked when the kids don't call the new woman Mom." That's not a Guy trend, nor is it a trend at all. It's something that both women and men having been doing forever. I'm guessing people who make comments like that are fairly young.

Worst sister: There are live junkies and there are dead junkies. There NO Ex- junkies. A junkie can be in "remission" for years, but they will always fuck you over in the end.

People can change, yes, but the pain they caused doesn't. Just because someone's changed doesn't mean you have to have them in your life. I know people who hurt me might have changed, and that's fine, but I NEVER want to see them again. Their good people now? Cool, fine, still never want to see them again.

Kate treat op badly since childhood and long before addiction was an issue

For the first one, NTA. However they do make a good point about being the last blood relative. However they have shown they're not a good person on and off drugs. However, people dying (and near death experiences) usually has the effect of changing people. So instead of completely cutting her out, or build a 4 lane super bridge, maybe just build a rope and wood walk bridge that one can cut off at any time.

Yea, from that long ago, 30yrs? I wouldn't split everything we built for 3 decades.. Would really like to know HOW he found out though.. I'm just looking at my husband at this very moment, almost a decade. If I found now that he had a ONS in year 1, no, I wouldn't leave.. It would hurt me but it's not anything I need therapy top get over, just us building a separate tower and then start adding in piece by piece of the building that collapsed... It's the amount of time that has passed, how he is with me, treats me and provides all these years, I could get over it. M

he tore up our family ill never forgive him what he did cut us all deap

Story 2: Woooooow those sisters had no loyalty towards their father whatsoever. That would forever stain their relationship with their father

Story 3: Dad 2 years later: ",why doesn't my daughter talk to me?"