you start with self reflection. there are questions presented in this video. Use them to guide you. If the answer to those questions is NO then list the reasons why its NO so youll know what to correct and change.and improve about yourself. but almost always a breakup or a divorse is cause by something that is not changing. So on your part figure them out. Yourself first since that is the only part you can Control and not your partners side. Thats what his talking about growth. Everything about you thats needs changing and improving. Perhaps you abiliy for empathy, to create safety, to genuinely listen, to respond and not react, to have the eight values and character that one should have to be genuinely happy with life and be a safe place for others(friends,family,etc) to be around. What are the characteristics of a person you would wabt to be around for the rest of your life, when you list down all of that then Work towards BECOMING that person. and Do Those things without being Tethered or dependent on anyone Eg.your partner/gf/wife/ex/anyone. Do them because it is who you are. No because you jut want to have. That is the only way to be consistent in life. and that is also 1 trait your partner would want to have in you. Consistency on the right fundamental characteristics. Humility is very important in the process of improvement,growth and transformation because you will have to face your own personal demons and traumas inorder to heal them and become a safe person to have in someones life.