Does anyone have a link to the original?

"It would be nice to look at consumer's balls" Home run in the first three seconds.

“There’s never been a product quite like cripple piss” LMAO

I love how the sex jokes occasionally trip and fall down the stairs, turning into complete gibberish mid-gag

"As total sus cucks we can help customers wreck the whole fuckin' company"

"I'm not interested in your concern" is the shining nugget of corporate reality we continue to consent to, increasingly more often

When I worked at a 7/11 back in the day, we ordered cripple piss to sell in our store once. Unfortunately, we had to stop carrying it because it attracted rats and customers who were looking for riots :(

"Okay, you've convinced me. You can put your Crystal Pepsi display up your Crystal Pepsi ass." Holy shit, that got me bad.

"AND it's a product that says, 'fuck off, man'" boy if i related to anything harder i'd get picked up for public indecency

"we can't sell it. everybody hates it."

Scrotal beverages sure do hit the spops

3:06 "We've captured Tunis" Smart of the Hapsburgs to secure that Pepsi sponsorship!

The sentence mixing here is top-notch. One of the best YTPs in a long time

Pystal crepsi Heavy testies Crepsi pesi Crere stuts Pestilent pepsi Crystal zadaz Crystal jizzle Crystal poopsie Crystal helpsie

the sheer number of different ways to remix "crystal pepsi" in this poop is incredible

2024 edit: We need noisepuppet back pls I can't believe that the Scrotal Beverage Company released so many Colas in so little time, probably because of PROFITS: - Crispy Piss (0:42) - Cripple Piss (0:50) - Pistal Crepsi (0:56) - Heavy Testis (1:03) - Crazy Pelsi (1:09) - Real Sus (1:22) - LatsystaL (1:33)[Thanks djk1288] - Crystal Peepee (1:53) - Pestilent Pepsi (2:11) [Thanks Jedibob5 for the heads up] - Crystal Cat Piss (2:21) - Crystal Jizzle (3:02) - Crystal Poopsie (4:11 and 6:39) - Meat Beat Pepsi (4:46) [Thanks to shalpp for another heads up] - Crystal Pepsi (4:58, thrice on 5:54 and 6:30) - Crystal Helpsi (5:03) - tsust tsust Pepsinanda sus fuuf (5:19) - pepsumdundun faaf (5:27)

3:58 "No one has any future. It's fucked" when a YTP accurately predicts 2020 a year early

"Its crispy piss, and the meme is tight. Wow! Theres never been a product quite like Crippin' Piss. A hOh sIs. A different type of soft drink. Because Pistol Grips is a cola."

*Pisstol Crapsy brought to you by the Scrotal Beverage company.* 🙏

two for two man these are gold. I was already laughing so hard at cripple piss that pistol crepsy sent me through the wall

“Sex will mean extra profits.” Truer words have never been spoken 🤷🏼‍♂️

Y'all's comments always make my week.

2:21 - Crystal Cat Piss is a gory beverage on it's own.

“They’re looking for riots.” They got them all right.

"I'll go along with the thing about the Sex Barrel" "Space is cold" That's my favorite conversation piece ever 6:01

I feel like I win the lottery when your notifications pop up

HEAVY TESTES IS A WHOLE NEW BEVERAGE EXPERIENCE

"we've captured Tunis" is subtly gold. this is absolutely one of my top YTPs ever, I keep coming back to it

Educational videos like this help me to learn things like: • Profits • Profits • Profits • Space is cold • Profits

"They're looking for riots" Vancouver enters the chat

5:19 “Pepsises dunu sos faaf raar... yaay?” “50 percent successful in our tests” “dddddddddddd” “Try again” “Pepsigshenernnerf” “Profits.”

Of all the highly quotable lines here, the one I keep revisiting in my mind is, "What dakes it mifferent from every other droft sink?" And of course she says it so lackadaisical, as if nothing's wrong. Absolute perfection.

A good YTP is like the crack of comedy. It’s comedy overload in a good way. I’m always chasing that dragon to laugh uncontrollably again.

I'm having flashbacks to the "It's not a drink...it's more like a drink" joke in The Fesh Pince of Blair. hoh sis.

Our customers are looking for products that will bring rats to their stores.

Here I go again. The story starts at 4:10 with a compilation of interactions between pushy Pepsico representatives and managers of corporate chain restaurants. For sake of simplicity and anonymity, I'll be giving everyone pseudonyms. The pepsico reps are all forced to memorize scripts and scenarios to refer from but all end up being way too complicated and reverting to "profits" as an answer to everything. Scene 1: Judy and Jack. Judy is an experienced alcoholic store owner and can see the failure of crystal pepsi coming from a mile away. As a result, she wants nothing to do with it and drinks on the job while telling off Jack, who is less experienced at the art of the deal. It begins with her slurring her speech to the point where Jack responds in spanish but quickly reverts back to english because he can't speak spanish for shit. Aware that his gig is up, he admits that only drunkards would drink it. In a fit of frustration he says "fuck you" to Judy and blurts "profits" since that's the only fucking thing the script ends up saying at this point. She is obviously aware of his lack of experience and is not impressed, calling him a pussy. Completely beyond saving at this point, Jack spouts off profits until Judy tells him to shut the fuck up and kicks him out of the store. Scene 2: Richard Gross and Charlie. Richard's always looking to make a buck but he ends up being the shittiest businessman and a colossal idiot. He inherited a few convenience stores from his uncle but ran them into the ground with his gambling addiction and horrid hygiene. Charlie's also a new hire like Jack, and while he tries his best he's just straight up incompetent and just blurts out whatever is on his mind at any given time. Richard likes to introduce himself by his last name and asks who the fuck even drinks crystal pepsi. An answer to which Charles can't stop thinking about how hungry he is and the pickled olives that are in his fridge but gags when thinking about the huge shit he took while jerkin' it in his bathroom and had to glance at the dead rat in the dumpster while on his way to work. Scene 3: Donald and Denise Donald's first impression is his stutter he makes when interacting with members of the opposite sex. Speaking of sex, Denise can't help but take advantage of his hot and bothered state by saying she sucks dicks in exchange for business deals. However, she lets slip that she feels stuck by the job she's in and can't get away or catch a break even after all these years. Perhaps she's not only interested in his privates for business but for pleasure and comfort as well. Scene 4: Richard Gross and Tyler. Tyler's been working for Pepsico almost as long as Denise and could not give a single fuck about any of it anymore. The forced pushing of crystal pepsi into stores is the last straw. He's already turned in his two weeks notice. Now he can say whatever the fuck he wants. Richard's debts have been piling up and the collectors are getting more and more aggressive. However, he read up on subliminal messages and believes that interjecting a help between every fucking word will hypnotize people into giving him money. Tyler's dealt with Richard's type before and completely ignores his 4d chess bullshit. Instead, he talks about one time he was tripping balls and convinced himself he witnessed a vision where someone 30 years in the future tries crystal pepsi and pukes it almost immediately. Scene 5: Richard Gross and Andy Andy's a new hire and has a decent time remembering the script but can't handle improvising worth a damn. This scene actually takes place immediately after Richard was mugged by some thugs hired by the debt collectors. Obviously showing signs of a concussion and brain injury, Richard lets loose a torrent of inane dribbling that Andy doesn't react to very well. There's no part in the script for this. He just picks some random ass statistic and starts naming it off when Richard more adamantly says... stuff. The only acknowledgement Andy can show is by telling him to try again to which Richard is still unable to speak properly. Having given up, he goes to the one spot in the script everyone uses as their last resort. Scene 6: Richard Gross and Tyler After his brain injury, Richard NEEDS to boost his sales and profits as soon as possible lest his head gets caved in again. Tyler still gives no shits and talks about his experience getting constipation from pepsi products. Richard may have also experienced some aftershock from his concussion and Tyler's just like "eh... profits... whatever..." To which Richard plays a hail mary and orders a shipment of them to be delivered the next day. Scene 7: Richard Gross and Denise Denise doesn't even say anything and Richard is smitten, immediately saying they can go to pound town on the fuck truck but the store is so crowded that they'll need to do it in the middle of the store. Denise gets kinky and suggests anal and profits have even managed to become a fetish for her. Scene 8: Donald and Jack Donald picks up bad vibes from Jack immediately and tells him where the fuck he can put their advertisements. Jack's a cheeky bastard and is like "well, I've already put it up my ass, old man." as he barges out of the store. Scene 9: Judy and Tyler In a drunken state, Judy ogles and Tyler's body and suggests fucking in a barrel. However, he refuses her sexual advances and we get a little bit of insecurity from Tyler who immediately changes the subject to the most pointless and awkward thing he could think of. It is revealed later that Tyler is super gay but will only show it when he's got the hots for someone. Scene 10: Richard Gross and Charlie. Richard realizes he's as good as dead soon because crystal pepsi has not brought him neither sales nor profits to pay off his debts. As a results, he's been a loose canon and ejaculating into the sandwiches. Due to the stress from realizing he's just confessed this to the pepsico rep he start having an aneurism. Charlie's best method of cummunication is to mimic Richard's speech and play along with what he perceives as a joke by suggesting cumstomers can drink cum too. Scene 11: Donald and Tyler Donald expresses his lack of faith in pepsico given how much of a shit product crustal poopsi is. Tyler, as always, gives no fucks and gets right to the point with his advances. He really do like Donald's thicc juicy booty. Scene 12: Richard Gross and Andy idk they say toot moom a lot Overall, another 10/10 story about greed, guilt, sales, and profits.

2:10 "The goal of Pestilent Pepsi is to sodomize consumers." I'm dead lol

"we need weed to give us more chill" same

"There has never been a product like Cripple Piss"

6:29 is absolutely top tier sentence mixing, I love this

I miss you, Noisepuppet. You'll always be a classic.

"I think the idea that it's not a drink makes it seem like it's a drink." 5 Hour Energy, is that you?

TIL: Most sodas are made with fish farts.

2:21 - “Crystal *cat piss* is a gory beverage all its own.”

The world needs Noisepuppet more than ever. With Krobo back now, it's only a matter of time!

"Space is cold." Agreed.

I can't find any crystal in stores. Who will carbonate my carbonated carbon now?

I keep coming back to this YTP every now and then. It has some of the best sentence mixing I've ever seen.

2022 and this is still lowkey one of the best YTPs out there

"Crystal is certainly not a flan. It's a brand. It's a brand of flan. They ask for flan, and they're buying a brand of flan, again and again."

The repeating of “profits” eventually starts to sound like “crawfish”

You are the greatest youtube pooper of all time NoisePuppet.

it's Crispy Piss And the meme is tight. wow.

This is a friggin masterpiece. "Crystal Catpiss" made me absolutely lose it.

Damn this gives a whole new meaning to 7 minutes in heaven

" crystal *cat piss* " was so smooth wtf

Its funny that most people will click on this video for the cats, but the product itself contains fewer cats

when noisepuppet brings the poop, it feels so good

"It's not just a cola, it's a cola"

it's unbelievable to me that this was made in 2019. already feels like a golden age ytp

“we can help customers wreck the whole company.”

This may honestly be one of your best ever.

"we've captured Tunis" part had me dead

3:48 - I do need a product that says "fuck off, man".

“They’re looking for riots.” Those customers are sure going to enjoy 2020.

"Pestilent Pepsi" I lost it right then.

6:35 was the hardest I've ever laughed at a YTP

Pistol Crepsi is one of the best thing I've heard in a YTP in a long time.

"There's never been a product quite like Crippin piss, a Hoh Sis."

"No one has any future, it's fucked" Well, you're not wrong. Least I can still get my carbonated carbon carbonated in the future

“No one has any future... its f@*#d.” Well that’s depressing

I love the "nasty-ass flavors" joke 😂

"they're looking for riots" yeah I think you got those now

The lady at 4:51 looks like she has eyes painted over her eyelids.

0:20 look at how hyped those rats are for the product!

I come back to this every few months and laugh my ass off at something different every time.

It's me I'm the customer looking for a product that will bring rats to my store

"In their shibubbish bins" I don't know if this is a conscious Flalf Mom reference, but it's one of the many instances where having a solid grounding in noisepuppet's filmography pays off.

0:52 There's nothing better than HOH SIS

Watching the changing landscape of KZfaq over the last decade, I did not suspect that not only would the genre with the most staying power be YTPs, but that they would consistently improve over the last few years.

“There’s never been a product quite like Cripple Piss.”

It's so dense, there are so many things going on

I desperately wish I could watch this for the first time again.

"Wow! That looks like a colon I wanna trash." OMFG

Space is cold.

>I'll go along with that thing about the sex barrel. >Space is cold. *Knowing nod* Hit me like 12 bricks.

"the meme is tight" - you got that right! 🤣

1998: we'll have flying cars in the future 2020: 3:59

You're the only YTPer I've followed in the last 13 or so years who does straight-up CoC and SoS jokes with this level of grace. Outstanding work. Also, 2:54 to 3:01 is SUBLIME

3:33 "in their rubbish bins, in their shibbubbish bins..." JEBUS I didn't even catch that on the first watch

All I can think of watching this video is the youtuber who drank 5 bottles of rainbow milk and a 20 year old crystal pepsi and then vomited everything on a canvas.

3:04 *_We've captured Tunis_* This may be the best ytp I've ever seen solely because of this single line

Please tell me I wasn't the only one that caught sus cuks 😂

0:48 - There's never been a product quite like Cripping Piss!

This shows that Noisepuppet is the most underrated KZfaqr of all time, and we should acknowledge how funny his YTPs are.

2:41 I agree wholeheartedly. Really glad someone finally said it.

It's a brand of flan. They ask for flan and they're buying a brand of flan again and again.

Dude, careful. If you keep outdoing yourself like this you'll rupture the hoh sis layer and destroy the toot.

"I Don't think anybody was really ready for the Vomitstorm"

"WoaoW" "Ahooh sees" "It's the best sus" "Fewer cats" "Crystal peeapeea"