Bret Ernst - Babysitter Brawl - This Is Not Happening

Bret Ernst - Babysitter Brawl - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored

Рет қаралды 3,584,834

Күн бұрын

In this extended clip, Bret Ernst remembers getting into a vicious argument with his unstable babysitter.
Watch full episodes of This Is Not Happening now: www.cc.com/shows/this-is-not-h...
Follow Bret Ernst on Twitter: / breternst
Theme by Run the Jewels. Purchase the LP here: apple.co/1ARsXOf

Пікірлер: 1 400

@standup 4 жыл бұрын

Ready to rumble? Check out the craziest fight stories from This Is Not Happening here: kzfaq.info/sun/PLD7nPL1U-R5oyyo90i2VkGb7ImrDKdYBg

@nebketis8674 8 жыл бұрын

"2 fillet of fishes and No therapy"

@stephontaylor9605 5 жыл бұрын

That part really got me

@hannaha922 5 жыл бұрын

That's what every 80s kid wish they got XD

@kittyears1232 5 жыл бұрын

Meeeeeee

@justsomeguy2663 5 жыл бұрын

That's a satisfactory ending

@Zadakleader635IvanTheRobot 4 жыл бұрын

i started clapping when he said that

@tategibbs655 7 жыл бұрын

"I'm cryin', because, I know we ain't goin' to McDonald's, now." Had me crying.

@vanessacruz3009 6 жыл бұрын

badum---TSSS

@daffyduck2979 5 жыл бұрын

I would just like to say I was the 1,000 like

@justhappenedtobeoverhere714 5 жыл бұрын

Because it was so sad or because it was so funny?

@Danazstr 5 жыл бұрын

I cant breathe

@joey3336 5 жыл бұрын

WE'RE GOING TO MCDONALDS

@AnimalLover101195 6 жыл бұрын

"We're going to McDonalds!" That whole things is one of the best endings I've heard.

@phillip7731 4 жыл бұрын

DaLonelySheperd and no therapy for you xD

@katherinevelasquez6163 4 жыл бұрын

onequartercanadian 😊

@VintageBassArchive 3 жыл бұрын

Pieced him. Straight shot

@DannySullivanMusic 2 жыл бұрын

hahahaha niiice

@mattasticmattattack8546 Жыл бұрын

His special is like a whole hour just like this he's legit funny AF

@cookiethethird572 5 жыл бұрын

"Does anybody even have a father nowadays?" I'M HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER

@williamb.j.blaskowicz.5664 3 жыл бұрын

TRULY,TRULY ALL ABSOLUTELY BEYOND UNIMAGINABLY UNIMAGINABLE TRANSCENDENT TRANSCENDENTAL TRANSCENDING BOUNDLESSNESS LEVELS OF AMAZINGLY AMAZING AMAZINGNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NICE, VERY NICE.

@DannySullivanMusic 2 жыл бұрын

hehehe this comment rules

@aarod5849 8 жыл бұрын

i hate how i have to skip the first minute of every one of these so the best joke isn't ruined.

@lordhuebi 8 жыл бұрын

i feel you but this wasn't even close to the best joke

@Olathaen 7 жыл бұрын

just press L 4 times and the show starts...

@linuxd 7 жыл бұрын

Aixxad yeah!!!

@justing.8198 7 жыл бұрын

press all 3 keys at the same time, ctrl alt and the downward arrow key. that will auto skip the intro every time

@Able_Hotel42 7 жыл бұрын

j griff dude......... we watch this on our phone, what are a god damn pilgrim

@jeuryveloz6011 8 жыл бұрын

How did 12 minutes just fly by like that?

@klebeau4 8 жыл бұрын

fareal im hella mad the stories already over

@Cyge240sx 8 жыл бұрын

+Jeury Veloz long story boring? im sure it wasn't as boring as he said.

@jeuryveloz6011 8 жыл бұрын

Cyge Firstcasteim saying that i didn't even notice the time passing by because i was so engaged in his story.

@Cyge240sx 8 жыл бұрын

i know agreed. i was just saying i bet there was a lot of funny stuff in between the cops coming and the ax falling lol

@tdot7084 6 жыл бұрын

same i was so interested in his story

@prod6mill.512 7 жыл бұрын

I've never heard a comedian be as spot on as the "axe handle with the tape" bit holy shit

@arthurbartosiewicz6395 3 жыл бұрын

ya know... for grip.. lost my shit on that one haha

@andrewroc30 7 жыл бұрын

I thought he was just going to take the axe and scream at her to get out or else... but HOLY SHIT HE JUST PUT AN AXE IN HER LEG

@priscillanotpresley 2 жыл бұрын

Don’t underestimate the family bond lol. When my baby brother (4th sibling) was being delivered my younger brother,sister and I (we were 7,5,4) were in the hospital daycare. Some big kid hit my baby sister and my brother and I just looked at each other and pounced on the boy, they had to peel us off him and my dad had to come get us lol

@DannySullivanMusic 2 жыл бұрын

lolll amazing comment

@somedude3443 Жыл бұрын

"Aw c'mon, I was like 6, there wasn't any torque behind it!"

@alecrichards8574 Жыл бұрын

Hahah me too... but then again, if he only threatened her with it I don't think she would have taken him seriously. She would then probably try to intimidate him, he'd stand his ground, but now she gets up prepared to take the axe and bully and punish him. HE HAD TO TAKE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE WHILE HE COULD Smart kid pretty messed up story though. Little man stood up for his brother

@sithonsithon1012 Жыл бұрын

He said there was a big spray of blood . If he hit her femoral artery , he could have killed her.

@cosmovedder1354 8 жыл бұрын

Whenever Joaquin Phoenix dies, this guy can play him in a biography made for tv movie

@maluorno 6 жыл бұрын

CGI generated hair-lip

@opaqueandbluefrommyphone4339 5 жыл бұрын

maluorno he actually has a cleft palate. That's what the the thing over his lip is, he never got it fixed. Luckily it isn't that bad, so it just looks like a mole or hair. Crazy right? Look up pictures of cleft palate, his is barely visible.

@SadfoxGuyver 5 жыл бұрын

Plus 39 lbs

@LadyVoldemort 5 жыл бұрын

I was thinking that he resembles Joaquin so much so I'm happy to see your comment... 👍

@lisapoole1219 5 жыл бұрын

Yes!

@spaceghost5371 8 жыл бұрын

"Here's some money to make your show" "Ok thanks but it doesn't cost anything to make this show, it's just a guy standing there..." "Well, here's the money anyway..." "I'm gonna make some crazy intro with aliens n shit!"

@Yeti547 5 жыл бұрын

I would totally do that

@suspencearts5291 5 жыл бұрын

and then everyone's eyeballs are really big for every single set...

@Tee-OhBee 5 жыл бұрын

Space Ghost Yea because it’s filmed for free. The location is free to film at. And the comedians don’t need to be paid at all. Use your head.

@l-_-sage-_-l 5 жыл бұрын

Lmao

@jessiemarsh390 3 жыл бұрын

Space Ghost has spoken.

@khadijahchaney5767 7 жыл бұрын

Mexicans got on boots.

@titanicgosling1216 6 жыл бұрын

Sophisticatedphunkvintage Khadijah where's Cici I got a whole can of coffee

@rodriguezpro2012 6 жыл бұрын

CC!

@joew.4073 5 жыл бұрын

You know this dude's ready tho

@matthewjackson7671 5 жыл бұрын

Big Boi 88 it was a personal knife then he had 3 bags of coffee then it was business

@IAM1OUTOF60 5 жыл бұрын

So does the riot happen in here ???? 😂😂😂😂😂

@flea41593 6 жыл бұрын

"We're going to Mcdonalds!". That line got a genuine applause, not because it was funny, but because he told a good story. The protagonists got their prize at the end and the audience genuinely cheered. Awesome, hilarious story.

@moeezS 8 жыл бұрын

Bahaha absolutely fantastic. He should be an actor, got the facial expressions and delivery down.

@LOUDsigh 6 жыл бұрын

Messofanego he looks familiar. Maybe he is

@eliuharo4517 6 жыл бұрын

He actually just acted in KZfaqs “Cobra Kia” his character made me mad but his acting was great

@deeznuts4224 5 жыл бұрын

fuck Louie but he did play that role perfect

@UnorthodoxMasterOfGames 5 жыл бұрын

An agent will be with him shortly

@jayden1261 5 жыл бұрын

Reginald Green he looks like Joaquin Phoenix honestly

@deltacotheladybug 5 жыл бұрын

The level of expression from this man is impeccable. I think I've found a new favorite comedian.😂😂😂

@abbywolffe4114 5 жыл бұрын

"She bitch-slaps St. Peter on the floor" had me rolling

@ashtonpants0664 5 жыл бұрын

"I'm cryin', because, I know we ain't goin' to McDonald's, now." Had me crying. and then when he said "an i got 2 fillet of fishes and NO therapy" i fell off my bed i was laughin so hard

@datgrrl5698 6 ай бұрын

catholics don't eat meat on fridays farquwad...

@littlebird3167 5 жыл бұрын

When he first said "switch" I immediately thought of someone who is both dominant and submissive... The internet has ruined me.

@stevenpaz6141 3 жыл бұрын

I thought of Nintendo switch 😂😂

@SuperMegaGoofyGoober 4 жыл бұрын

Comedy Central: “wow we actually might be able to keep a relatively low budget on these episodes” Intro’s: *Allow is to introduce ourselves*

@CuriousGoodsJessica 6 жыл бұрын

"HERE'S where the story gets f'd up"... yeah, I think it was f'd up long before that! This is awesome, because at 6 years old you can't be responsible for your actions when the babysitter punches your brother, DAMN! How his eyes got crazy when he said he was grandpa & "I wanna make sure she's ok" 👀 HA!

@ricksanchez4813 5 жыл бұрын

Yeah he fuckin nailed that

@Baleur 4 жыл бұрын

Cant be responsible for chopping someones leg with an axe? are you shitting me? That little kid should be beaten senseless.

@zachary939 4 жыл бұрын

I really don't wanna say that kid did the right thing, but that kid did the right thing. Punch a defenseless nine year old in the face, a six year old gets to hit you in the leg with a hatchet. That seems completely reasonable to me.

@humixmusic4lyf 4 жыл бұрын

I laughed so hard when he got the crazy eyes. I already knew his grandad want going over there to check ‘if she’s okay’

@brandonreece4967 3 жыл бұрын

@@Baleur are you still this dumb

@professordick4868 Жыл бұрын

My mom worked at McDonalds in the 70's. That was one of the happiest times in my life..❤❤❤❤

@DinoDzine 8 жыл бұрын

This might be the best one yet LMFAO his closer was legendary

@SeanOMatic 8 жыл бұрын

+drovvse Yeah, it's definitely up there.

@MrSkinnyWhale 8 жыл бұрын

Dude looks like Jake Johnson and Joaquin Phoenix had a baby.

@christophersantiago4992 8 жыл бұрын

100%

@JubilantAntics 8 жыл бұрын

looks like Ricky K from crazy town lol.

@thebrigadeloco2257 7 жыл бұрын

i was just thinking that

@akiniglasgow6882 7 жыл бұрын

looks like nick miller from new girl

@Quantum_GirlE 7 жыл бұрын

MrSkinnyWhale omg! If you google a picture of Joaquin the second photo that pops up, looks identical to Ernst! The photo is of him when he was a tad younger though. Amazing observation!

@mkilic10 5 жыл бұрын

this was the one of the best shows I have ever seen. He changed my emotion state fast as hell. I laughed, felt sad, almost crying, got angry and laughed again.

@vickielawson3114 7 жыл бұрын

I HAVE known a person who would do the silent word repeating thing! I laughed my ass off when he mentioned that! I've NEVER heard another person mention that and I've only seen that one person do it. It's weird stuff.

@albetudo9313 6 жыл бұрын

they're probably autistic.

@Alkoholic666 5 жыл бұрын

I also silently repeated myself from the age of about 13 until I was almost 15... Making myself stop doing it is still to this day one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! I’d speak and then force myself to not repeat the words. Seems simple, but the desire/need to repeat the words was unbelievably strong and damn near torture! Like a drug addict needing their fix... Through will power, shear determination and time I was eventually able to stop. I’d hate to have to go through that experience again, it was brutal! I’ve never met or heard of another person who did this until today. It’s been 30 years and I’d forgotten all about ever doing it myself. I hope it doesn’t trigger a relapse! Hahahah! Cheers!

@jaxosaurus5383 5 жыл бұрын

My brother used to do it.

@KickyFut 5 жыл бұрын

(...used to do it.)😒

@michaelwandell2533 5 жыл бұрын

Vickie Lawson? From TN?

@Qurisx 8 жыл бұрын

WOW! I have never heard of this guy and that was an incredible story. The way he told it was fantastic. I was slowly sucked in and couldn't wait to hear what happened. On top of that, it was a great ending. Awesome!

@nishads4357 4 жыл бұрын

Above all he stick to his brother

@cfuentesjr85 4 жыл бұрын

kzfaq.info/get/bejne/m82VgbuptL2bqqM.html

@mikhailgibbings 8 жыл бұрын

That may be the most triumphant story I've ever heard.

@ryanzarmbinski7446 8 жыл бұрын

That ending was epic

@elfartbag8403 6 жыл бұрын

I've broke off many of switches when I was a kid... because I'm from the south and that shit is true 😂

@fabian6087 5 жыл бұрын

I just have to ask: What the fck kinda branch you're going for in that situation? The extra thin ones hurt like hell if you're whipped with them right? But the extra large ones have a punch of their own right? So are you just going for the thickest one you're able to rip off?

@moarroz 5 жыл бұрын

@@fabian6087 if you go for a thin one best believe they are about to go find you the meanest thickest one out there and break it over you. You just wanna grab one as quick as possible...The hesitation on picking is what makes it worse...cuz they know you are out there plotting on the best branch...just grab and go...don't grab a skinny one or the hurtin' be worse lol

@moarroz 5 жыл бұрын

@@fabian6087 But if you pick a small one and they give you the choice to pick again YOU BETTER not pick the biggest and baddest one or you are gonna get it broken off on your ass for sass'N them 😂😟💥

@ricaivory6571 5 жыл бұрын

@@fabian6087 we used to just go for the middle branches bcuz they wasn't thin enough to really hurt, but they not big enough to kill you either 😂😂😂😂 it's worse when they used to soak em in water so they don't break up, but they stopped doin that long ago lol.

@Shewhomustnotbenamed-bw8yv 5 жыл бұрын

Shit, I live in the midwest and I had to do that shit at my grandmas. She made us pick from the willow because the switches were flexible like little whips, wrap around your whole leg and leave a welt

@joshuabolin4440 8 жыл бұрын

This guy is a natural! A++

@ramoneshakes8619 8 жыл бұрын

You told a good story........ I'll take you to McDonalds after

@josecolon5750 8 жыл бұрын

bro...three shakes rule also applies to writing.

@SkylarRuloff 8 жыл бұрын

+ramone shakes Fuck, I'd buy him 3 fillet o fishes for that story.

@JonnyVerace 6 жыл бұрын

theres nothing better than being an italian and hearing another italian tell a story that literally can relate to almost everything you grew up too

@idkybily Жыл бұрын

I think this is my fave comment ever on the internet because its what i think & feel the most but needed to hear someone else say it to have the proof its true. The way Italian Millennial kids grew up is so special & unique 🙌🏻

@dravenocklost4253 6 жыл бұрын

What an awesome and supportive and a bit disheveled grandfather

@Iwasthewalrus 8 жыл бұрын

One of the best stories yet!

@YueClaudia 8 жыл бұрын

I don't know why but this guy reminds me of Ray Liotta in Goodfellas xD pretty cool story!

@lukeperry8407 7 жыл бұрын

This dudes story telling is next level

@randytheracer3664 5 жыл бұрын

AND I GOT 2 FILLET O FISHES AND NO THERAPY this is now my favorite one

@khalilhopkins5014 8 жыл бұрын

one of my new favorites

@lamasmorales 8 жыл бұрын

Lol I was eating mcdonalds while watching this

@Yualmohamed 8 жыл бұрын

truuu

@Spanjop 8 жыл бұрын

+lamasmorales Shit. Now I have to too.

@mariusofearth2474 4 жыл бұрын

Letme gues it went evrywhere 😂

@jefft9512 6 жыл бұрын

"You know what you have to do!" Haha classic

@psych1134 5 жыл бұрын

God I love it when an amazing story ends on such a victory moment. “We’re going to McDonald’s!” I replayed that like three times.

@Ciclopea2 Жыл бұрын

The endearing part of this darkly hilarious story is how he defended his older brother, and i guess he didn't need therapy, but crazy lady did lol, Bret is a legend 👏💖

@stapuft 5 жыл бұрын

Wow.....I've refused to get a switch before, but I've never locked them out when they went to grab it.....that takes balls....

@suzanneh975 4 жыл бұрын

I take it you're from the south. So Im sure you understand when I say we KNEW what we would get when the parents came home And that's why we never did anything as ballsy as that 😂

@Curiouswasabi 2 жыл бұрын

The Whole story is about his big ballz

@jok2440 7 жыл бұрын

Probably the best story of the series.

@cgarcia650 6 жыл бұрын

I love the ending to this story over here!

@corpse74 3 жыл бұрын

this guy very quickly came in my top 10. he has a 1 hour special thats absolutely great and free on youtube. he NEEDS more recognition and a Netflix special

@swarmk5809 8 жыл бұрын

Fucking best story so far on This is Not Happening !

@TheShadowofsparta 7 жыл бұрын

But Mexican got on boots. True though, it is funny

@joshridgley7262 7 жыл бұрын

This one, Mexican Got On Boots and the Obese Nightclub Brawl are the standouts for me so far

@rickythompson1402 5 жыл бұрын

@@joshridgley7262 who tells the nightclub brawl???

@Alkoholic666 5 жыл бұрын

Apparently you haven’t watched any of Joey Diaz’s stories... If not, do yourself a favor and check him out! Excellent story teller and seriously great stories! The man has lived one hell of a life... And I agree, this was definitely one of the best stories on TINH!

@Schnitz13 4 жыл бұрын

Truth!

@hackeritalics 6 жыл бұрын

I've watched this skit at least 30 times at this point in my life... I still laugh until I cry every time. lol

@karrahtapscott7959 8 ай бұрын

I love this story, it’s one of the best in this whole series.

@DaveSP196 8 жыл бұрын

One of the best I've ever seen

@John-hq6oo 8 жыл бұрын

This mudafukkka KILLED it!!!! Good job bro!!

@TheNitinshyam 7 жыл бұрын

The best story iv heard till now ,damn crazy lmao

@bayballer1657 7 жыл бұрын

Messicans got on boots is now the 2nd best. Bret "the ginzaloon" Ernst just took the top spot.

@markvickroy6725 5 жыл бұрын

Bay Baller gindaloon, dummy

@wathencj 8 жыл бұрын

Yo grandparents stories when you were younger are the best lol

@indifrent_fxuk267 8 жыл бұрын

He was on Vince Vaughn's wild west comedy tour! Dude is hilarious

@josehasing1495 6 жыл бұрын

in glad I discovered this guy his bit on jersey guidos is so.funny

@ottiej.914 6 жыл бұрын

Bro it's crazy how similar me and this guy's life are, back and forth from nj and fl and had grandparents that raised me, and my grandfather was also a gun nut and a real man's man, could fix anything and could do any job, also served in the war. But my family were German immigrants. Thats so weird

@Alkoholic666 5 жыл бұрын

yo gabba gabba - Holy shit that’s fuckin funny!

@joey120685 5 жыл бұрын

Comedians last name is ernst.. I have a friend Ernst and it’s German

@dno718 8 жыл бұрын

yes Bret Ernst needs his own CC special!!!!

@frenzy1225 8 жыл бұрын

that was a fucking great story

@bobnlouie 7 жыл бұрын

One of the best stories I've seen on here. Brilliant.

@npc1172 7 жыл бұрын

WE'RE GOING TO MCDONALD'S 😂😂😂

@JaseekaRawr 7 жыл бұрын

This dude is fucking hilarious! And has a face you can fall in love with. ;) Anyway, I was surprised that basically the entire audience didn't know what a switch was! I guess it's a old school Southern/East coast thing.

@DustinRodriguez1_0 7 жыл бұрын

I think it might have been context. I know exactly what a switch is, but the word switch has many meanings. When he said 'do you know what a switch is?' my first thought was 'how can he be talking about a gay man who both bottoms and tops?'

@JaseekaRawr 7 жыл бұрын

Dustin Rodriguez Lmao! That's a new one I haven't heard. Very interesting, new meaning...

@chrish5224 5 жыл бұрын

Nah! It's a generational thing. Both my parents grew up on west coast and have told me many a story about having to pick out a switch or they got the belt.

@bl6516 7 жыл бұрын

Best episode ever.

@kaytlynkoala199 7 жыл бұрын

this is my favorite story of all time

@nodata5933 4 жыл бұрын

This guy's grandpa is an OG in my book.

@jayoliver3002 7 жыл бұрын

BEST STORY EVER!!!!!

@ABadassDragon 5 жыл бұрын

Something my uncle taught me, when they send for a switch break the branch a bit, so when they hit the hand it breaks. 1960s life hacks 😅

@juliolopez-vc5eg 4 жыл бұрын

That smirk where, "I just want to make sure she's ok". . . priceless

@brwler1 4 жыл бұрын

man........this was the best one on this series so far

@roberticus420 8 жыл бұрын

oh my god i nearly pissed myself

@cjulez1 8 жыл бұрын

My favorite story so far!!

@rdub9020 3 жыл бұрын

This might be the best one of the entire "this is not happening" series

@stavalyao.4922 4 жыл бұрын

This is THE MOST RELATABLE story i have seen on TINH glad it exists

@Timocracy 8 жыл бұрын

3:11 Diaz laughing?

@Slickjitz 8 жыл бұрын

Yup, good ear

@flygonkick93 8 жыл бұрын

definitely lol I'd recognize that laugh anywhere

@TheDudeman42 8 жыл бұрын

This series is really great!

@28happenstance 6 жыл бұрын

This should have at least 1 million views. So good.

@stevencandelaria909 7 жыл бұрын

Wow, one of the best ones I've seen!

@medicbabe2ID 6 жыл бұрын

I've watched this probably 30 times. Never gets old! 🤣 #Filetofishes

@JayJay-jn6gl 4 жыл бұрын

Watch "the washy wash" Buy Tommy Pope I watched that like 40 times too and it never gets old either lmao

@mcdizzlefletch6302 2 жыл бұрын

By far best one yet… think I’ve watch all of these

@ltcrutch1440 2 ай бұрын

this might be the best guest ever!

@gradysmith9992 8 жыл бұрын

This was a really good one. Always look forward to new episodes of This is Not Happening.

@mariabrowne8103 4 жыл бұрын

I was taking a shot when they locked out ant face and laughed so hard it came out of my nose. I don't think my sinuses will ever be the same

@dillabean4183 6 жыл бұрын

The roller skating bit he did years ago is fucking amazing.

@chrispuletz2946 2 жыл бұрын

This was one of the best ones.

@matthewhaley4147 8 жыл бұрын

I really hated the first half of the story....... ....but I'm glad I sat through it because it lead to such a great ending. Thumbs up from me.

@mthlay15 4 жыл бұрын

@@PatternLand hey mark, read the fucking comment again you dweeb. I said "thumbs up" and this is the important part "*FROM* me"

@abggk2 7 жыл бұрын

1:32 The girl in the right down corner looks like Whitney Westgate... u r welCOME

@one-eyedwilly8835 5 жыл бұрын

One of the best ones yet

@lightbender5605 4 жыл бұрын

My favorite story EVER!

@bsilkwood8272 7 жыл бұрын

Kept thinking of lightly fried fish fillets.

@jitterg 8 жыл бұрын

loved this one the best so far. so awesome

@Jdizzle0667 4 жыл бұрын

I love how you can hear Joey Diaz laughing every once in a while in the background

@carterdcomedy 4 жыл бұрын

I get to open for this man and I’m so excited

@rymichelle6550 7 жыл бұрын

soo funny I wish I could find more stuff with him!!

@evilcam 8 жыл бұрын

This was excellent. Brent not only had a spectacular story to tell, but he delivered and sold it really well. Like Joey Diaz levels of emphasis. The crowd was much more lively than they usually are too. Everything was top notch and made this one of the best episodes so far. Oh, and Brent's grandfather was a fucking boss.