Can Gender Dysphoria Cause Dissociation?

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2 жыл бұрын

Is there a link between dysphoria and dissociation? Can dysphoria cause it?
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Пікірлер: 276

@doctor_who5203 2 жыл бұрын

I have a lot to say about this one! I've dissosciated since I was 5 years old, literally the first time I looked in the mirror in my head I was like "oh, that's not me!" As I got older that feeling became emotional disconnection too, I loved my grandad but I didn't even cry when he passed away, I was extremely numb and like you said everyone described me as not really being present and could tell something was off or wrong. It made things harder now when I realized I was trans because, I'd been so used to denying and disconnecting from my emotions that being forced to confront and reflect on them was extremely difficult and even now, it feels like there is a mental fog from my emotions and being able to recall them. Great video as always!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear. Thats a very young age to start experiencing dissociation.

@Gay-yi6yt 2 жыл бұрын

I also felt numb when my grandma passed away at the age of ten. I was too positive to deal with most of my emotions. Even though I was very bullied, frustrated all of the time. That didn’t matter because I could make whatever fun through distraction. Playing games. Being positive, right?

@justignoreme7725 2 жыл бұрын

Me too! It helped me stay alive. I was quite literally looking at the abstract from 1985 by Van de Kolk the godfather of PTSD who talks about Inescapable shock in animals leads to both transient catecholamine depletion and subsequent stress-induced analgesia. We postulate that the numbing and catatenoid reactions following trauma in humans correspond to the central nervous system (CNS) catecholamine depletion that follows inescapable shock in animals. We further explore the evidence for a human equivalent of “stress-induced analgesia” in animals, which is known to be mediated by endogenous opioids. Although reexposure to trauma may produce a paradoxical sense of calm and control due to endogenous opioid release, a cessation of traumtic stimulation will be followed by symptoms of opioid withdrawal and physiological hyperreactivity mediated by CNS noradrenergic hypersensitivity. This hyperreactivity can, in turn, be temporarily modified by reexposure to trauma. www.biologicalpsychiatryjournal.com/article/0006-3223(85)90061-7/pdf

@lacyvalenti9523 2 жыл бұрын

I'm right there with you! Since at least 8 years old. It started more mild but then grew worse and worse through puberty. It's amazing how much I look at my face now that I've started transitioning. And on the day I affirmed myself as Trans, I physically felt my consciousness go from outside my body to inside it, and I realized I had been disassociating near constantly for decades.

@spunts144 2 жыл бұрын

@@justignoreme7725 that explains a lot but I don't fully understand what you describe. Does it mean I'll experience a sort of whiplash of emotion after the storm of trauma exposure?

@Johnny_T779 2 жыл бұрын

As a surviving twin of a boy-girl pair (the male fœtus died in utero), I still feel like there was a body swap, and I am trapped inside my sister's body, forced to live her life. 😒 When I finally was tired to see only her in my mirror, I decided to transition. I always missed my twin, so I don't hate the body I'm in, it's just that it isn't mine. I said to people " no, I'm not a woman, I'm INSIDE a woman". Finally at 50 I transitionned to be able to catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror before it's too late, and not having my sister's name on my grave later.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@cobwebsandcathair 2 жыл бұрын

At around 13 I remember telling my mum that I "didn't feel very real". She brushed it off at the time, but I was diagnosed with depression a little while later. I spent the next 20 years feeling like the world was muted, like life was happening around me and to me, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to take part in it. I felt like I was barrelling through life at an alarming rate, unable to grasp onto a single moment long enough to actually experience it. Participating in anything sex-related would send me into a complete out of body experience, to the point where partners and therapists alike thought I must have some repressed childhood trauma to make me behave so. At 32 I was diagnosed with autism and that seemed to answer some questions about what my brain was trying to deal with, but it wasn't until two years later when I finally realised I was trans that I actually started to feel alive for the first time. I still feel the dissociation creeping back when I'm very stressed, but it's a temporary thing now, not my entire being. For the last year and a half I've been a completely different person. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm actually present: time has slowed down, colours are brighter, sounds are louder, thoughts and feelings are more vivid than they've ever been before. It's only now that I'm awake that I can see how badly my mind was sleepwalking through my existence.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. So glad to hear you are more present and grounded within yourself. It makes a difference how we interact with the surroundings.

@AftrskewlXprmnt 2 жыл бұрын

The same thing happened to me. I am sorry you went through that but very glad that we are both doing better now.

@Androgynary 2 жыл бұрын

Oh wow. This is worded so beautifully. I relate to this heavy as someone who is also trans and trying to get an autism diagnosis. It perfectly encapsulates my experience navigating the world pre and during HRT.

@jbw6823 2 жыл бұрын

my mom blew me off when I came out to her at age 11 and I felt similarly.

@dr.lydiagolub3207 2 жыл бұрын

What is the link between ASD and dissociation due to being trans? Did your ASD diagnosis clear up as you came to terms with being trans (and maybe with transitioning?) BTW: tired of moms being attacked. My trans daughter told me she dissociated when she was 13 and I'm a trained clinical psychologist. I took her seriously. At the time I thought she was a boy who had ASD and only recently was told my child is trans. So much regret that we didn't catch this earlier

@brieoshiro 2 жыл бұрын

I spend a lot of time daydreaming. I can't really sleep well unless I have some sort of "story" or scenario to play out in my head. I live in another world as the man I wish I was and with people that just see me that way and care for me as that. It's influenced by books, movies, and video game characters and I insert myself into things. It's weird and I've done it most of my life. I don't just do it when trying to sleep either. I'll fall into this while showering, doing dishes, or just setting somewhere. I end up staying up way too late distracting myself so that I can fall asleep faster and not daydream so much.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I am sorry to hear.

@Lucy-zv3yx 2 жыл бұрын

Oh boy a 10 minute callout by Dr Z addressed to me

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

LOL I want to say sorry but I am happy I am able to understand some of your experiences.

@a-ju7464 2 жыл бұрын

Same lmao

@persephoneslair 2 жыл бұрын

I've spent the majority of my life in a distant dreamlike state, almost on auto pilot because I couldn't explain exactly what I was feeling to anyone around me. I didn't have the vocabulary to express that I didn't feel like I was truly myself or my body matched my mind, so I just hid my feelings and drudged through my daily existence slowly developing a sense of self loathing and hatred that couldn't be quelled. I'd even contemplated the dreadful act a few times, but forcefully talked myself out of it, until I finally managed to get help and discovered exactly where I stood, and am now working to transition to my true self. I've never felt better, I can now look at myself in the mirror and enjoy who I see looking back at me, and anticipate more and more each day the person I was meant to be.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@juliamiller2299 2 жыл бұрын

Dissociation has been present with me since I was a teen. I never really understood what I was doing. But I never felt like I was part of the person I was. I was emotionless, other than displaying anger when I was upset, that was my only emotion. I can't really say I thought I was out of my body, but rather, this body was on autopilot, and I really wasn't interested in it as I was just a passenger along for the ride. I referred to myself in the third person, rather than saying me or I, I would just say my name in the third person. I never had many friends, since I didn't want anyone to know me. I dropped gym as soon as I could in school, since I couldn't change in front of others. I hated swimming, but if I did, I always wore a t-shirt to cover myself. I wouldn't allow others to touch me, hug me, or kiss me. I would avoid that at all costs. My partner would complain to me that the only way I could love them, was if I loved myself first, and I hated myself. I was a terrible partner, and awful at sex, it was something I didn't want to do like a man. Since I went to therapy and we figured out I was trans, I have started hormones, and I have to be honest, my old life was like I was living in a black and white movie, and now I am experiencing technicolor. Things are so much different now. I am emotional, and laugh and cry all the time now. It's so different. Yes, the old person is still there, but I now feel that there is someone new in my life and I like her very much.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@DrayseSchneider 2 жыл бұрын

I think my dissociation mainly took the form of daydreams. High among them fantasies or moving beyond my gender, or even my species and becoming a machine like intelligence. Complicated by fantasies of living my sexuality unhindered. I know that I got accused of spacing out a lot though I usually seemed capable of recapping the conversation or events at hand when challenged. It was a constant challenge and I still struggle with it to a degree.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I am sorry to hear it affected you.

@jbw6823 2 жыл бұрын

Modern life doesnt help. We are kind of merging with our machines. Youve heard of the singularity? en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Singularity_Is_Near

@keirfarnum6811 2 жыл бұрын

Now that’s multi-tasking.

@nachfullbarertrank5230 Жыл бұрын

From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. Yeah that's pretty relatable

@DrayseSchneider Жыл бұрын

@@nachfullbarertrank5230 Lol. What?

@Ines-lb9nh 2 жыл бұрын

I think I felt this kinda all of my life, one way or another, especially daydreaming, I'm pretty sure about 75% of my waking life was daydreaming. There was one episode where I consciously felt the dissociative episode: I was talking to a client and suddenly I became hyper-aware of my voice and it triggered heavy dysphoria at that moment, but since I was working and could not stop I had to push through and after I litterally just felt like I was pushed into the back seat and was just watching me from afar talking in auto-pilot. I also want to add that the longer I am "away" the bigger the shock is when I glance my body. It's like I forget about it and then I'm like "WTF is that? That's mine??"

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I am sorry you feel this way.

@AnnaTheFallMaiden 2 жыл бұрын

I daydream incredibly often and I heavily suppress emotions, so yeah, I can relate to that ^^" The only time I can really cry when my therapist and I dig out something hurtful from deep down (it usually starts a laughing fit and then switches to a crying fit)

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@Gay-yi6yt 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for talking about this. I have dissociated from my body since a kid, which made me never realise I was trans in the first place. Repressing emotions or not focusing on them is one of the widest cognitive copes, so why can’t trans people use this cope as well? I believe that most trans people who aren’t fully aware of their dysphoria like my self deal with this. So when we’re talking about trans people without dysphoria, we’re talking about those who dissociate themselves so well they can fully ignore their dysphoria but that leads to a lot of problems such as: Not being aware to feel alive, so being depressed Hyposensitivity Constantly being confused about identity Being less interested in things Gives you adhd like symptoms, such as not seeing things around you, constantly thinking and being in your head, etc

@SoSoMikaela 2 жыл бұрын

My experience in a nutshell, too. Went a long time trying to treat the symptoms like depression and anxiety and ADHD and even OCD, both with medication and therapy, but nothing ever seemed to help much other than make me feel more numb and disconnected and checked out. Everything changed after realizing I was trans, starting hormones, and coming out. Like night and day difference.

@EVAKAT 2 жыл бұрын

Amen.. Yes... 100/100

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

@Gay spot on about how dissociation leads to not realizing one is transgender and leading to other symptoms that on the surface look like something else. ADHD is a common one. Another one I tend to see is social anxiety. I'll do a video on this because many people get misdiagnosed and continue to address "cover up" symptoms vs underlying root which is GD. Thanks for sharing.

@Gay-yi6yt 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD yeah I’ve been diagnosed with adhd. I’m still not sure if I have it or if it’s my dysphoria lol. I’m pre hormones getting hormones in about a year I suppose so I’ll know one day. Ritaline never worked for me

@juliamurphy4395 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD I've been diagnosed with social anxiety. My therapist told me that my disassociation was a result of my anxiety, which I think is partially true. I'm less anxious now than I was two years ago, but I still disassociate constantly.

@farskye1717 2 жыл бұрын

I've experienced this my whole life as an MTF. For me it comes in a form that I describe as a "Ghost in the Shell". Of course I'm referencing the popular anime. For me it feels like I'm an intelligence that resided in a vessel. Like there is an incongruency between myself and my body. I have memories of this going back to grade school. This has lead to me hiding aspects of myself and generally feeling detached. Thinking about it, it may explain a bit why I focus on helping others more then myself, but that is a bit too much to unpack in a comments section. Super helpful video, it has given me a lot to think on.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I am glad the content was helpful.

@veronicamccormick8520 2 жыл бұрын

I've done this a lot. I was so disconnected from my emotions that I often wondered if I even had any. I realize now this was numbness from dissociation, and... It's hard to figure out what's actually wrong when you're so disconnected you can't even see it.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and sadly yes, it becomes difficult to even spot GD when one is so detached.

@arthurzackaryabrin 2 жыл бұрын

Oh yeah I completely relate to that. It was especially bad this year during February all the way through to august. I was on a massive depressive episode there

@cjx429 2 жыл бұрын

I feel like I experienced this a lot when I was going through puberty. I would constantly space out and run late because of it, because I couldn't stay focused on getting ready. It took me a long time to get my license because I couldn't stay present enough to drive. I didn't feel like I had any emotions aside from being more or less anxious. It made it really hard to socialize, because I just couldn't focus on the conversation or know how to interact with people. I also couldn't picture myself in my head, and had no idea what I actually looked like unless I was actively looking in a mirror. I remember seeing a picture of myself and asking my mom who that was, before finding out it was me. The strange part is I feel like it's gotten a lot better even though I haven't started medically transitioning yet, which is a strange point of doubt for me. I think I still feel kind of disconnected from my appearance/don't fully know what I look like, but I don't feel spaced out much anymore. I'm happy about it, but I don't know quite what that means as far as whether transitioning is the correct choice for me or not. I mostly hear people say their dysphoria has only gotten worse, not decreased as they get older.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@mirandalebel6983 2 жыл бұрын

I often have difficulty not only expressing emotion but also feeling the emotion. I describe it as existing rather than experiencing my life. I only began recognizing dysphoria late in life about 2 years ago, I'm 67. I attributed my inability to 'feel' to a difficult childhood. This video resonates with me.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@fionaleigh6748 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Dr Z. Thanks again for a wonderful video. I'm about three months into transition and its only been recently that I can say I feel present in myself, that I can feel, process emotions etc. The change in me has convinced my loved ones that I'm on the right track. My emotions were numbed, I had a very sketchy self-concept and I had absolutely no interest in sex when I was younger. I cant even say I suffered with GD all my life because I was so numb and nullified. I was like a log. It all goes back to the mother and I suffer from profound misattachment and it screwed my life up completely. However finally admitting to myself that I'm Trans has been revolutionary. You have helped me through a profoundly weird era in my life and Thank you so much xx

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. Coming to acceptance of trans identity often can be tremendously helpful. I wish you all the best.

@shayraynor3887 2 жыл бұрын

After seeing this video it has explained so much about what I do and how i have been subconsciously coping for such a long time. For years. It was just put into words. Feeling numb or not present in my body feels like ive just been floating along in life and had only realized this because my whole life i have never been truly in touch with myself until now after I know who I am in the inside and accepted it.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I am so glad to hear you are in touch with yourself.

@rikidog2682 2 жыл бұрын

It was difficult to untangle all my disassociation to figure out who I really was, but it'll be worth it in the end. Dr. Z, you've been there for every step of my journey and I start hormones next week! Thanks for being such a calm and knowledgeable voice on these topics. You're making the world a better place 💜

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I am glad the content is helpful. I am not a fan of overly cheerleading into transition professionals as one needs to try to be as objective as possible given how life changing this matter is. Glad it comes across.

@nemonaught2772 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you! Can you also make a video where you talk about strategies and exercises for overcoming maladaptive dissociation?

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing. My next video touch bases on it.

@nemonaught2772 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD Thank you, I'm looking forward to it! While individual questions always have to be worked on individually and personally speaking with a therapist, you sharing your professional experience here really helps with finding words or talking to loved ones about being trans.

@krosssword 2 жыл бұрын

This is what I do! I realised that that I must have learned to dissociate during adolescence/puberty because I don’t remember experiencing a lot of the significant distress that gender dysphoric people typically experience then. That was because I just numbed myself and detached myself from my body and repressed my identity to cope. I also related to the sex thing and used to think of myself as asexual, but I’ve recently realised that my ace symptoms actually all stem from gender dysphoria.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I am sorry to hear.

@madscientistme 2 жыл бұрын

I never got the out of body experience but ive got the dream like state. Im just working and then slowly the mind feels abit fuzzy and light and it feels like dreaming in my sleep but Im still working. Sounds also tend to be alittle more muffled and some reverb effect. My first thoughts are always, “have I forgotten my antidepressants” xD cause its sameish but once the sound changes abit im like ohh. Though im amazed I could even still work through my shift.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I am so sorry to hear.

@jennamiller3114 2 жыл бұрын

This happens to me at work more than is safe.

@madscientistme 2 жыл бұрын

@@jennamiller3114 dam that’s dangerous.

@luissonador 2 жыл бұрын

Yes, Dr Z i experienced this in my young age of my 20s. I reintegrated myself upon taking care of my adhd. This disassociation served me well, in my younger years, but caused like you said, "the lights are on but nobody's home" syndrome.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear. This defense becomes maladaptive so quickly.

@lockebesse5223 2 жыл бұрын

I don’t know that I ever had strong experiences of disassociation, with one exception. In all my intimate encounters with women, I was disconnected from what my body was experiencing. I projected myself into my partners’ body because that is what I wanted to feel. I still do and I have had glimpses of what it will be like. Beyond that, I have lived a fairly normal existence to outward appearances. The only thing I might vaguely describe as disassociation was finding myself in certain environments, primarily involving male discussion where I felt on the fringe and not part of the group. I did not have any interest in male bonding type of discussions about women or hunting or any other typically male passion. I would remain quiet. If we were discussing facts or events, I would get animated. Otherwise I felt like an outsider.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@freyjafoy6081 2 жыл бұрын

I’m so glad you talked about this. I have experienced dissociation for most of my life, but have rarely mentioned it for fear that people would think I was crazy. This makes so much sense and I feel quite relieved after watching this. Thank You!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!! And no, not crazy at all, very common defense among most high functioning intelligent people.

@RosheenQuynh 2 жыл бұрын

Having DPDR has messed with so much in my life, probably even my gender...

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am sorry to hear.

@Hoclem 2 жыл бұрын

Hey, I came here to talk about this. Maybe you experienced something similar. My whole childhood was rife with "boys don't do that, boys don't like pink..." etc. My parents tried their best, but they had their own demons and insecurities. Which led to my stepdad lashing out when I displayed any behavior that wasn't "expected" of me regarding masculinity. I was diagnosed with ADHD around 5, which, in hindsight, was just obviously dissociating. I remember daydreaming all the time, my mom saying "he's off in his own little world." Little did they know that it was their behavior that put me there. But again, I don't begrudge them for it. My teen years I basically hated my body and tried everything I could to appear more "like a boy" due to bullying and verbal abuse. My self esteem was a solid 0, and I let people walk all over me, which I saw as better than being in the spotlight and being hurt again. When I was 20 I had made a little life for myself, in school, had a cool lil gig at a video game store, had a (now realize narcissistic) boyfriend, everything seemed to be going well. But then I started getting muscle twitches, losing my balance, felt weak, and had constant anxiety. It spiraled until I was SURE I was dying of MS or some disease, and BAM, I had a panic attack and woke up fully dissociated. The world didn't feel real, colors were dull, my house didn't feel like my house, people were like robots... I was completely detached from my emotions. It was hellish, every moment felt like an eternity and I was constantly panicked. Slowly it seemed to dissipate over the years, until I started really digging into the psychology of it. I realized I couldn't remember my childhood at all, repression is a hell of a thing. Through inner child work and trauma counseling, and some EMDR techniques, I started unraveling the thread of what harmed me. It was always being reprimanded for being myself. Punished. So over time I started to think I DESERVED to be punished. This wasn't a cognitive thought, I had to piece it together because it was so baked into my psyche. I suspect a lot of trans people feel the same. Once I realized that all the things that hurt me were just projections from other people and their own problems, it all started to make sense. There was nothing wrong with ME, I was just a victim of unfortunate circumstances. But we are not our circumstances, we are more than that. I've finally been able to come to terms with the dysphoria that I feel, and it made the dissociation make sense. It had to happen, to kill my ego, so I could start fresh and realize, I've been through the worst of the worst, I'm not going to let anyone dictate how I spend the rest of MY life, and you shouldn't either! At the end of the day, you are YOU, a beautiful, divine being. It's a 1 in 100 trillion chance that you will be born... even in our darkest times, it will seem like we can't move on. But I promise, I felt like that, and it was actually all the psychological bullshit that had to be dealt with. Once I started dissecting it, when I was ready, it slowly started to melt away. Emotions came back, and they're BEAUTIFUL! Every time I cry, it brings me joy, because I know what it was like to be unable to cry. My mom died and I could barely muster tears because I was so dissociated. Now I can cry when I see something like a child offering a cat some treats and giggling. You can change your perspective, you just have to be willing to challenge those inner fears and uncomfortable feelings, when you're ready! I promise it is worth it, and I haven't figured it all out yet, but I know this is the right path. Like my brain was looking out for me, despite all that pain, it needed to happen to get to the person I am. I fully believe that you can get there too. Look into EMDR if you get the chance, and inner child work. Good luck, and I hope that maybe this resonates and can help someone. Thank you Dr. Z!

@RosheenQuynh 2 жыл бұрын

@@Hoclem I hope to EMDR eventually but can't with the pandemic

@augustviolin 2 жыл бұрын

@@Hoclem wow, this is amazingly written and resonated with me.

@EVAKAT 2 жыл бұрын

Dr Z thank you for your always helpful videos. Dissociation is a major problem indeed. Big periods of my life I just was not present and behaving like autistic. It helps but destroys also. Regarding my name change I will proceed. It was just the stress of the change and other people opinions in my head.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear you have experienced this. Wish you all the best and glad you are proceeding with the name change. Names are important.

@steviezeven1067 2 жыл бұрын

This channel is going to be an online reference manual for myself and others for years to come to return back to again and again. Thank you.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for saying that. I strive to provide highly informative contact similar to one would get on 1:1 with a professional.

@theresem8496 2 жыл бұрын

Ya, I have that. It's been both frustrating and helpful at the same time. It doesn't go away once you start to transition or confront whatever it is that started it in the first place. It started for me when I was two and drowned. I remember floating outside my body.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@stephaniemac3551 2 жыл бұрын

I am at the beginning of my journey and acceptance of myself and haven't come out YET. Dissociation describes my defense mechanism in every way you described. Everything from day dreaming, being emotionally absent but being there, which I think leads me to refer to your other videos about being on autopilot. I am questioning and looking to go to therapy to really peel the onion because I keep looking to others and information for answers and your videos are enormously helpful, in that I associate and can relate to all of your videos. So on that note, thank you for your videos, as it is helping more people than I think you really know and definitely beyond you CA/FL footprint. Your videos are helping me and I hope to share with my loved ones very soon, as it's giving me perspective and strength in an uncertain world. Thank you.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear you have experienced dissociation and I am so glad the videos are helpful. I do plan on making a video for family and friends to understand better what's going on.

@happinesspridejoy7394 2 жыл бұрын

Oh man I was always so confused why my partner would say I’m not being present during physical intimacy…I would *want* to be, but I couldn’t get into the headspace and really didn’t want to be touched/would just want to lay there and get it over with or only please my partner. Not to mention growing up I always felt like I was in a daydream (not necessarily blacking out and wondering what I’ve been doing) and it felt like I was just observing people and felt very ostracized constantly. (The only time I felt safe and “real” was when I lived through characters in books)

@happinesspridejoy7394 2 жыл бұрын

Oh yeah I didn’t even think about dreams, I almost never experience them in first person and when I do it’s more like I’m a camera lense that can pop in and out of different perspectives as I go

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@MichaellaCraig 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you, this is something I hadn't associated with (possibly) my gender issues but it makes sense. The way I never felt at home in myself since young and wasn't sure why did correlate with many episodes of spacing out and emotional disconnection as well as dreams of often being outside of my body or at least never seeing myself when in a body while in dreams if that applies. The daydreaming and lost time and lack of focus also have a personal history.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@BellaLadyWolf 2 жыл бұрын

I've dissociated ever since I can remember. It's my go to state of being. My therapist thinks it's because of my abusive household (my father is a narcissist and my mother has no boundaries), but I never understood why my defence is so strong, because I never experienced any severe trauma and my brother grew up in the same household and sure, he is affected by it, but nowhere near my CPTSD. My boyfriend often told me he feels like I'm not even there and it has been the worst years of my life when I was deeply in denial, being hyperfeminine and disconnected from my body which was telling me I actually hate being with him intimately. Afterwards I came out as lesbian, after I learned about comphet and later as trans.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@Jjess.8 Жыл бұрын

I think I relate a lot to this. I spend most of my time daydreaming; I don’t feel emotions so much as look at them and study them like I’m a puppet on a high shelf in my brain; In social situations I get silent, distant and blank- it takes all my energy just to muster up a few words to keep a conversation going… But it’s strange. When you don’t know anything different, this feels normal. I don’t know what anything else would feel like and the unknown scares me.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@3nyasu3 2 жыл бұрын

In the last few days i've actually been thinking about my dissoziation (and why it won't go away even though I'm transitioning now) a lot, so thank you for this video, it answered a lot of my questions! I'm really looking forward to the next one☺️

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad to hear it was helpful.

@henyo5409 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you dr. z, ive been so confused for so long and i have a ways to go but to hear someone say that this is something that can happen helps me feel less alone and i feel like i belong again. thank you so so much

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Yes, dissociation is very common.

@bestwitch2931 3 ай бұрын

I keep thinking sometimes that I’m numb, that I don’t feel real I’m getting told I’m not present that it feels like I’m disinterested in people and being around family and friends. When I was younger I recall having very strong gender dysphoria and the thought of being trans the knowledge of it hasn’t gone away but I did always wonder why the GD was like there but not there. And I told my mom once it was like I feel nothing and then when I do feel things it’s bad very bad.

@christinatomac918 2 жыл бұрын

This was a very significant video for me. I had these waves of feeling neither being here nor there which was so disturbing that I got intense butterflies in my stomach. This started around 4th grade. When I was 17 I had a major episode and it took a long time to shake. I was so scared. I had no idea what was causing this and thought I was going crazy. Until this video I didn't realize what it was and what is causing it. This is a huge weight of my shoulders. Thank you.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@dianelane3396 Жыл бұрын

DR Z.... these video's are like a window into my soul!!! I thought i was the only one that disassociate. I've had many days were It feels like I have blacked out all day. I have no memory of the day and its REALLY SCARY....ESPECIALLY driving!!!! Thank you for these video's!!!

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@francgo 2 жыл бұрын

Dr Z --thank you so much for your content. It is so greatly appreciated.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

My pleasure!

@BesaDelCielo14x 2 жыл бұрын

This is so relateable. Thank you for talking about this.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

You are most welcome.

@blueoblivionx 2 жыл бұрын

I'm feeling this so intensely lately because I am completely isolated. I'm working from home and I can barely pay attention to anything. I keep losing track of hours and loss of appetite. My days are becoming a huge blur.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear.

@Nejove 11 ай бұрын

Personally, dissociation is something I've experienced decently often from a pretty young age (at least in the sense of spacing out or daydreaming), although I would say it's been worse in the past few years, possibly related to medical issues that have emerged. That's one of the things that leads me to wonder whether I could have had gender dysphoria that I never recognized as related to my gender. But the problem is that dissociation can be caused by a lot of things other than just dysphoria. It doesn't feel like I can automatically conclude that it's dysphoria, even considering my periodic frustrations and lack of enthusiasm about being a man.

@DRZPHD 11 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@paule5778 2 жыл бұрын

Such an invaluable video! You give people insight into what they may be doing and why they are doing it. I don't know whether this applies to my case, but I used to cope with public appearances by taking a prescribed minor tranquilliser, which I stopped having because it affected my memory and energy levels. I suffered from some sort of anorexia too, I couldn't eat without feeling self disgust.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad to hear the content is helpful and I am so sorry to hear of your symptoms and hope you are feeling better.

@a-ju7464 2 жыл бұрын

I always experience some form of mild dissociate, even before I have memories. I space out very frequently and my short term memory is horribly bad. I don’t have strong sense of “this is my body”, and I feels extremely weird when I try to connect my body. When I was in high school there’s a month when dpdr hit extremely hard, to a extend where I feel like I rather feel the pain then lose touch of anything. But after I recovered I realize that dpdr actually helped me survive tough days.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@Rising_Pho3nix_23 2 жыл бұрын

When you spoke of losing time, I have lost entire years. When you talk about seeing yourself in the 3rd person, I have experienced that quite a bit. And when you spoke of not being present, I do that nearly 100% of the time.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry t hear. Dissociation is incredibly difficult and robs you of your personal moments with life. I hope you can practice mindfulness to be more present.

@Rising_Pho3nix_23 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD Thank you. I am coming out of the closet with my transgender experience very very slowly. Using analogies like "A person grows up being taught to like country music but really likes techno instead". As time goes on, I make the analogies closer and closer to what being transgender is really like. I consider it a safe way to figure out who my allies are without outing myself or making enemies. I just came up with that idea today so we'll see how it goes. Maybe as I develop more of an ally circle I won't have as much disassociation and can actually live more comfortably and more presently.

@ericaotoko9550 8 ай бұрын

This one hits close to home. I even had a stint of a few years where I would recreationally abuse DXM (a dissociative). Given that its not a social drug, I would often do it at night, locked in my room. Almost always "crossdressing". I think this was also part of why I got into heroin... I always had this feeling like I wasn't complete, that I was lacking some component that made other people whole. The first time I did herion, I remember it hitting me... "I feel complete right now... I feel like a real person". Ironically enough, I remember my adict friends commenting on how I didn't seem to get addicted as easily as most people. Granted, on a long enough timespan, every user will get physically addicted, as did I. But at the start, I didn't feel a physical addiction... Thats not what kept me coming back. I wanted to feel complete. I didn't have to confront my dysphoria when I was high. Sadly, being an heroin addict was easier for me to accept than being transgender. Note: I haven't used any drugs in about 8 years now. Which is in part what forced me to accept my identity.

@supersawheather 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for making and uploading this video, I needed to hear this.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful.

@avdiroilaan2480 2 жыл бұрын

I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing matches the description but I do often daydream for long periods of time and suddenly snap out of it not knowing how much time has passed or realize I'm crying. Also when I'm with other people I never feel like i'm 100% myself, more like constantly playing a role. When it comes to my body, lately I've been feeling like it doesn't really make sense to me, like some parts of it shouldn't be there and are not really a part of me. Regarding my sexuality, I often imagine stuff from an outside perspective looking in, and like in every other aspect of my life I'm a victim, not an active deicision-maker. All this is taking a huge toll on my mental health and I can never do what I really want or listen to my heart.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@avdiroilaan2480 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD Thank you for listening! I realize I should see the positive things in life as well, because I'm used to writing down only the negative aspects of every day. Like how I'm finally beginning to live by my own rules and not make excuses all the time.

@wandringgenderhuman4064 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video! I've experienced dissociation and I view it as defense/coping mechanism that kicks in when we are overwhelmed by emotional shock/trauma. Basically it's like my mind is hitting the "pause" button to protect me.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad to hear you can spot your coping mechanism. Awareness is the key.

@MyLadyPanda Жыл бұрын

I've been dissociating for ages. I always figured it was from depression. Mine manifests by spacing out, not feeling emotions anymore, time loss. The sense I'm not driving my body, but just going through the motions because that's what I'm supposed to do?. It's become maladaptive for me and I'm not sure how to break out of it? It's beyond frustrating. I likened it to the loss of a limb. The emotions were there, present and strong. And now, nothing.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Mindfulness and any kind of grounding exercises will help. Google them and see which ones appeal to you.

@thebatcollector1460 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for another great video. I feel like this is something I have done for the last 21 years. It seems like every time I had a desire to be more feminine I just kept ignoring it and repressing those feelings. At times I would engage in being more feminine but it never lasted very long as I was always afraid that I couldn't do that since I was born a male. One time I remember this desire got so strong that I felt like I wanted to be a woman and like something was off between my body and my brain. This is the first time I learned about gender dysphoria and I was recognizing that I've had symptoms of gender dysphoria for a long time. I started to explore this briefly but I I assume suppress these feelings out of fear. When I think about it now it feels like I may have been afraid of what people would think about me how God would think about me how my life is going to change and how hard it's going to be. My lack of understanding of transgenderism and gender dysphoria also made me afraid because I felt like transitioning was black and white either I do it or I don't. Every time I would experience this and suppress my feelings and go back to being a male I felt like when this was happening I was going back on autopilot. I don't feel like I was always fully present and I felt like I was just doing everything as a male because that's what I was born biologically and that's how I was taught to be. Mentally though I didn't always feel something was there. I didn't always think about being a woman because I guess I was just trying to suppress those feelings but my mind did wander a lot about life and everything that I had to deal with. It isn't until the last 3 months that I finally accepted myself for who I am and I'm willing to explore my gender identity as much as I need. The fear has came up a couple times and there was one month where I didn't do anything with my transition but after that I told myself I'm going to give it a year and after a year I will reassess how I feel. Also watching your videos and joining groups has helped a lot with my feelings of disassociation. One thing I do notice though is that when I am experiencing gender dysphoria and I'm seeing things that I can't change it causes me to just want to ignore it and not focus on it so I don't feel the dysphoria. Sometimes it helps but it doesn't help for long the dysphoria is still there. I do know that in time though the dysphoria will lesson.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@silverraindropper8713 3 ай бұрын

Just answered a question about this on reddit... I'm so used to it, I don't really notice it's happening, but I'll get mental health professionals commenting... That's depersonalization... That's derealization... and I'm like "I know... It's not weird anymore... The first time I wanted to know what that feeling was I looked it up... and it told me the same thing you are telling me now"... I kind of just live like that... I don't really feel like I need to make it stop, because it's often a coping mechanism... I notice that occasionally when I try to interfere with my normal depersonalization/derealization thinking patterns, that I'll just experience amnesia about anything that I did during that period, I was resisting the way I think, later... My depersonalization is both spontaneous and occurs, as a symptom of gender dysphoria... Gender Dysphoria is always back in my mind buzzing, without my awareness... I'm generally aware of feeling of not really recognizing my body as me... Like before I went through puberty, I always felt like my body was mine, and I looked into the mirror, like "That's me." I guess that when that feeling is normal to you, you don't really know what it means to not recognize your own body... I often can feel surprised when I see my body now, and it used to be much more profound... I recognize my body as the vessel that's been carrying me now rather than truly feeling like that's what my body looks like... I know what my body looks like, and I know that that's what everyone else sees, and it's a beautiful person, but I tend to feel like I'm living in someone else's body... Most of the time I don't really think about it though... but there are occasions that it pops out and says hi... I can be talking and suddenly my socialization leaks through into my voice, and in that moment I'll feel a bit icky, and instead of hearing myself, I'll feel disoriented, and the memory will process into my mind, from an observer's perspective... When I remember how that feels I'm not inside my body in the memory, I see myself from above... In the memory, I see everything that was making my dysphoric in that moment from above... What I was wearing, my voice and my body language the soft features of my forehead, sparse eyebrows, and feminine curve of my chin, my hourglass-like figure... It's always there, but those moments make you realize something's up... I usually feel detached from my body when I look in the mirror, but the level of dysphoria present in a dysphoric attack (dysphoric attack is a term I'm borrowing from Italian transgender people, for some reason I've never heard an American use that term, but I've read about it in Italian studies) You don't even process the memory as inside your body, you see it as an outside observer... Like "that's the person I see in the mirror, and not really me"... and it's accompanied by self-disgust, because you realize your body just betrayed you...

@davefisher1840 2 жыл бұрын

Another helpful video. Thanks

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Glad to hear.

@SG-zp4fz 2 жыл бұрын

I always wondered how I don't have depression but I still feel numb. This makes me more suspicious than I am already

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@user-on7qf5oe6e Жыл бұрын

I am quite old and had epiphany in 12/2020 . I have thought that I have been Asexual for several decades . I would guess that I have been disassociating for a long time . I have always celebrated femininity and been uninterested in masculinity for as long as I remember. Due to circumstances around me I have done assigned gender and the decoy did not let go easily. Thank you , each little bit pputs more of the puzzle on the table. Having EMDR at present and I am sure this clarity will contribute positively. 💜❤️💜🐾💃🌈🖤🕸️🕷️💝💖☮️🎆🌅

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@kabardinka1 2 жыл бұрын

Excellent discussion... an important topic very common in trans community.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Sadly yes.

@Rubs0122 2 жыл бұрын

I had a near death experience as a newborn, I was 7 days old then, I lived with out of body experiences, and dissociation as part of being me. I've learned to consciously move around, had spiritual experiences through life and now, at the age of 30, I get myself not being able to stay grounded very much, due to huge amounts of anguish anxiety fear and sadness. Most of it relates to gender dysphoria. The recognition of how much pain I carried around brought me to start transitioning, was a breakthrough, dissociated a lot before starting it, and now it pains me to still dissociate when my desire is to just stay grounded with my body, move and dance with it, but in reality that became the biggest difficulty.. to just stay, and more be through. To dance with with pain without blanking out or falling apart.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@kylajohnston8429 2 жыл бұрын

Explains alot. I always been panicked and in a state of anxiety and I would dissociate alot to try and deal with the pain and depression and panic tht comes with being transgender.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

So sorry to hear. Hope things get better.

@ceciliocedonoblocnote 2 жыл бұрын

Hey does anyone draw here? Because I feel like I'm only living on the paper, not in reality. That's why I keep drawing myself instead of talking to people, and I hate it. But I used to draw myself as a girl so it makes me doubt. I never knew I could be a boy so I was just drawing myself wearing shirt and tie lol

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear. Yes I have had people who drew themselves too, especially artistic type. Or creating a gaming avatar of themselves. I am sorry you feel invisible.

@OtakuGunsoNY 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD I remember when I got Sword Art Online Hallow Realization back when it first came out and it was the only game that let you switch between male and female through out the game. 90% of the time I played as a male and 10% of the time as female mostly to do the princess hold on the character Klein who in that game I was able to romance (; I did stay as male in the romance parts to make it BL though but only did princess hold as a female character but this is probably a whole other conversation xD

@isthataspider7410 2 жыл бұрын

I’m an artist too. I create characters for myself, often ones that represent me. My situation is probably way different from yours because I used to wish that i would develop certain traits from my assigned gender at birth. But as puberty started affecting me more, the self insert character I drew became more androgynous and often expressed themself in a non-binary way. I was and am still very confused bc I don’t want a sex change, I like my parts but I feel like people still don’t see me for who I am.

@FrozEnbyWolf150 2 жыл бұрын

It's fairly common if you're an artist, writer, or gamer to explore your identity through the characters you create. A fictional setting can provide a place for you to safely experiment with or express aspects of yourself that you wouldn't feel comfortable expressing in public. The avatar or persona you create can reveal things about yourself you may not have realized were there. In my case, I've written about and drawn a lot of shapeshifter characters, like werewolves, vampires, and dragons that can take on human form. In hindsight I should have realized what I was trying to tell myself.

@paule5778 2 жыл бұрын

In primary school I was always daydreaming and said to be slow and it might be connected to gender or to trauma. I noticed I wasn't a girl when starting school, said so to my parents to no avail. I read about primal therapy and became obsessed with enrolling. It's supposed to put you in touch with your repressed emotions. Sadly they never delivered. Recently I put two and two together and feel much happier emotionally.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@AvaFayIliza 2 жыл бұрын

I absolutely have a dissociation defense aspect that plays a part in me, and has for decades now. The way it manifests now is mostly when I remember past events or image future ones, I never see the event through my own eyes, but rather as a disembodied viewer from the outside. I cognitively, logically understand that the person I see is suppose to be me, but they seem more like a stranger I am watching. If I'm in the moment and focused on the task at hand I don't even think about that fact that I am there, I just do (sometimes enjoy) the task, but if my mind drifts, I'm more likely to be looking at the scene from above. I'm not out publicly yet, so I don't get to express myself or present how I would prefer unless I'm alone in my home or only with people who know and I trust. When I'm in those safe spaces, and I am presenting as the true me (usually with the help of wearing my feminine clothes), I am experiencing what's happening through my own eyes, and it is so wonderful. I can't wait to be out publicly, so I can see the world *as* me instead of as an bystander. Thank you Dr. Z! I was having trouble understanding this aspect of dissociation I was experiencing. Knowing that it is fairly typical for those who are transitioning, makes me feel better, and helps me see that I can eventually get past it. 💖 -Ava

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Hi and thanks for sharing. Yes it is very common. Just be mindful of it and try to get more grounded when you need to be.

@mishascos 2 жыл бұрын

Currently going through this and let me tell you it’s extremely painful, it feels like I’m never going to break out of this cycle. I miss being able to have fun with my loved ones, I miss being me, I miss enjoying time with people. I miss being connected to myself. Possible TW for people reading this: It also makes me question wether I’m actually trans but then I realized that I only feel more connected to myself when I’m wearing a binder. I think it’s easier for me to be presenting as female because it’s just doesn’t require much explanation from me, it’s what I look and sound like. However, I don’t even recognize my voice and appearance anymore, I don’t feel like my thoughts are MY thoughts, it’s like someone overtook my body and mind.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry to hear of your pain.

@s.ribeiro1836 2 жыл бұрын

I guess I have made myself disconnect many times due to my gender dysphoria. And at some point, it became automatic. My brain would disconnect me when things would get too hard, and I didn't have a say in it. I guess I can say those were some of the worst moments in my life. I remember when I met the girl who I had been talking to online, she was the only person that knew that I was trans. She was very nice to me, but still, I felt so afraid and anxious when we met, I had an out-of-body experience and felt numb. That night, when I realized how badly my body responded to finally being seen as myself, I almost committed suicide, because I thought I was broken in a way that couldn't be fixed. I didn't do it, but I felt that dissociation for some weeks. I remember I went to my hometown and on the highway, I had this feeling that I was a thing being taken somewhere instead of a person going somewhere. I felt despair, wanting to go back, and when I arrived at my house, I wanted to go back immediately. My dad didn't let me and got angry and I just felt myself sinking deeper. I didn't feel any connection to him or my mom. I felt so numb, and nothing seemed to help. I remember trying to look at people in the eyes, waiting for the spell to be broken, to awake me, but nothing helped. Eventually, I got better, and now that I'm on depression medication, I haven't been having dissociation episodes anymore, fortunately. I hope I never feel that again, but since I'm still in the closet and haven't transition yet, I guess I still have a long way to go. Thank you so much for your videos, Dr Z, I really appreciate them!!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@athenahitchin7738 2 жыл бұрын

One area that I have seen this too often as a trans woman with seizure disorders as well as this is how folks seem to go straight to conditions, worrying over the issue but not believing my statement of how the issue is this rather then a seizure. I can tell them word for word what the feeling and what went on (the best I can with memory issues) and the go to issue will never be that of my dysphoria but that of what they have diagnosed me as having. It's weird and sadly makes me feel fake at times for my issues and how I feel they are based on knowing how the feeling differs and sadden and too often angered with that person at times when the topic is brought up as a whole.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@dkmn7568 2 жыл бұрын

Ever since I was little (age 9) I had to remind myself who I was and what I looked/sounded like. Once I started my social transition I never had to remind myself who I was. Once I started my medical transition I could remember what I looked/sounded like. What I look and sound like is never a negative surprise anymore now that I’m on HRT.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@LWeOAreVOneE Жыл бұрын

I think I've been constantly dissociating since some time in childhood. I can't remember what it was like to feel mentally connected to my body. I've felt like I'm going through life in a dream for pretty much my entire life. I'm not sure if it started in order to cope with my severe sensory issues or my discomfort with my body after puberty, but it has probably been going on for at least 20 years. I can't imagine being able to stop at this point.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that. Dissociating is hard to deal with.

@Gryndleby 2 жыл бұрын

I see so much of me in a lot of these comments; my realization that I might be trans is only about 2 weeks old (age 47). I say "might" because I have not been diagnosed officially, even though I feel so strongly that this is me. I feel like I can see color again, I feel my love of words has returned (i'm a terrible typer though), and for the first time in decades I feel hope. This chance at hope is actually strong enough that it's almost overriding my utter terror of being locked up in a mental institution. Realistically I know this isn't likely to happen, but terror doesn't like to be reasoned with. I'm also aware that I have issues that aren't necessarily related to being trans. I'm almost there. Anyways, here's a few of my dissociation examples. I do a lot of third person perspectives. I actually had a snippet of a dream the other night where it started in first person, but skewed around waist level at the end; literally no transition, so i can't really explain it. Sometimes when I talk to people, i'll feel like I don't understand people, but I do, like it's sitting between us on a table. Terrible explanation, it's hard to describe. Probably my easiest one to explain is what I see when i look at my face in the mirror; take a piece of paper with a my face on it, tear it into pieces, and then tape it back together. It's still my face, but I see the components rather than the whole. Little bit oversimplified and overdramatic, but it's a close enough explanation. I have to be careful when I look at the eyes though; if I look into rather than at the eyes I get a weird ping-pong repelling effect that's extremely uncomfortable. This doesn' t happen all the time, so i'm not sure what the criteria are for this to occur. Unfortunately, this doesn't work on pictures; for those i have to look off-center, like you would if you're trying to see in dark conditions. This doesn't seem to be all pictures though; very young pictures don't bother me and there are others that are more current. There's a little voice that is telling me "it's the eyes", but I really don't want to look at pictures to find out:)_ Needless to say, I really don't like my picture taken.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@treelynx5487 2 жыл бұрын

I’m so tired of being yelled at by my parents because they feel like I’m not listening or I’m disrespecting them when I literally can’t

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am sorry to hear.

@LeoEelis 2 жыл бұрын

I have had this way too often. Mostly every single time I look myself in the mirror. It is like watching yourself from outside for the briefest moment. I know it is not me, and then I also know, that it can't be anyone else. And because I am older, I have gotten used to my reflection now, so I can shrug off the feeling much easier, just like it was another weird habit :P. When I was younger I tend to change my hairstyle very often, as if I was searching myself from the reflections, but everytime I just saw a different "version" of the lie. It was really difficult to form a solid image of yourself, when the image you have your whole life, is not matching with the inner concept you have about being yourself. This also caused problems with relationships and I had to go in "a role" to be able to have sex. It is really hard to enjoy your body, when you feel like it is a costume. I have 2 failed marriages and 41 distorted years behind, and I just realized, there is not a single person on this earth who has actually seen _me_. Not even myself.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry to hear.

@MollyWinter Жыл бұрын

There's actually a picture of me that someone happened to take when I was dissociating. Didn't know that's what it was at the time, but I still remember the feeling (I've certainly experienced it enough times to be familiar with it), and in the picture I have a thousand yard stare. It was on my birthday, too.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Wow I am so sorry. Dissociation is powerful and we seldom realize it.

@weilaiyvn_DEACTIVATED Жыл бұрын

Doctor, I thought I was autistic or ADHD (even psychopath), but it was always been dissociation. I don't know the difference between being dead and alive, because I can't say for sure how it's to be consistently alive. To feel alive I first need to feel. I think this cope mechanism had destroyed my life, but I also think this had just prevent me from definitely losing it. It's strange. It's like not even feeling my extremities, like if my legs and hands being without force, not feeling that much my head, brain, emotions (they're there), but at the same time feeling an tension, like when we're anger and the muscles became it's contractions. In the end is a nule sensation with the variation of feeling the nothing and wanting/holding to feel the tension. Sometimes is like freezing, because if I move I can lose myself. Fear of losing myself in my own mind, not being there. Wow that's exactly how I described. When I had born, doctor had to beat me more times than usual, I cried but imediatly stop. Never cried like for my moms milk, and neither when she had need to working and I haven't it anymore before my 2y. I searched a lot and found that actually I don't have all the conditions to be autistic or psychopath, so I wonder if since birth I was doing this 😅 because there's a lot of signs.

@smokesparkles777 2 жыл бұрын

I always dread getting dressed in the morning. I sit on my bed and scroll through youtube and dissacociate. I suspect its about my body and so hence I clicked on this video. Thank you Dr. Z! This explains so much :)

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Wishing you all the best.

@sdavenport3450 Жыл бұрын

I grew up in rural Scotland and was always described as a daydreamer, sometimes I remember just staring off into the abyss and just feeling numb and slightly sad, withdrawn and just not feeling any fundamental connection to anything or anyone around me. During this time when I was 3-6 years old I would dress up in nursery and in my mums clothes at home for fun and always have that same numb feeling come over me. I would look in the mirror and just felt confidence and comfort come over me and then I’d be hit with this wash of numbness once again. I had no idea what it was at the time and wouldn’t even know how to articulate this to my mum. I suppose I just ignored it and carried on as normal. I’m 28 now, been on hormones for 4 months so still early on. I still experience dissociation quite regularly and have been virtually all my life. It would be fantastic to know a bit more about how to cope with dissociation?

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi and thanks for sharing. In general, any grouping exercises such as mindfulness, breathing work, sensate tactile object holding, are all good for coping with dissociation.

@plastictouch6796 8 ай бұрын

Am I dissociating? I definitely relate to feeling numb, daydreaming, spacing out. I don't think I've ever had an out of body experience outside of dreams and sleep paralysis. I don't know if I'm dissociating.

@OtakuGunsoNY 2 жыл бұрын

my period causes me to dissociate mildly or moderately depending on how weak my body decides to be during that time. Of course it only took me within the last year or year and a half before I realized that was a thing. As I always assumed it was normal to feel my soul leaving my body at the same rate as the blood from the time I started bleeding back in middle school ... xD I have been suffering for a long time apparently :'D !!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear.

@OtakuGunsoNY 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD my mom did atleast tell me that I would "have a lot of problems" if I just had them take the whole uterus and all. She had that done and doesn't recommend it for anyone unless it's a last resort

@IAmNumber4000 2 жыл бұрын

I always wondered why I didn’t feel like a real person.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that.

@IAmNumber4000 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD I actually shot a self-portait series a few weeks ago for a university art project and I spent the whole time trying to avoid directly showing my face 😂 I can send you a link to that series on my photography website if you're interested. I didn't know it at the time but in hindsight, I think it was a pretty clear artistic representation of dysphoria/dissociation.

@FrozEnbyWolf150 2 жыл бұрын

I've gotten this way more often than I'd like to admit, but I always assumed it was for completely different reasons. I have a chronic pain condition that sometimes becomes unbearable, so naturally I don't want to feel present inside my body. I'm a lucid dreamer, and often use the dreams as a form of escapism, where I can become anything I want, which would be better than what I actually am. For me, the dissociation came on as a waking dreamlike state, where my subconscious thoughts started to overlap with whatever I was doing at the time. Since I'm a writer and artist, I saw this as an asset, because it allowed me to be more expressive of things I wouldn't normally think of. At the time, I probably should have paid more attention to what my stories and illustrations of shapeshifters, transformations, and metamorphoses into mythical creatures were trying to tell me about my nonbinary identity.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing. A good distinction if its an issue or not so to speak, is when you know you are engaging in it vs it taking over you. Lucid dreaming is a great example as it is a conscious activity you enter into.

@sshowgirl933 2 жыл бұрын

great ,video ,i love your louise brooks hair cut and rings ,thank you

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I am obsessed lately with silver, which is unlike me.

@sshowgirl933 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD very nice silver ,but can make you looking older ,maybe begin with some big meches

@teddyillusion2186 2 жыл бұрын

I found The Complex PTSD Workbook to be helpful.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing this resource.

@jessk68044 2 жыл бұрын

I've done this my entire life. My fiance after I told her I crossdress even commented on behaviors that you just covered saying it made more sense to her now. Oddly in some ways whole this has destroyed that wonderful relationship is also brought us together because now that she knows I've let my defences drop some when I'm with her and even though it's only slightly she has noticed and comments often. What is bothering me is now that I'm in transition I find myself disassociating again but I'm a destructive way against my transition. The more like a woman I get and the closer to having to tell all my lived ones I get the more I find myself trying to ignore what I'm doing and even convince myself not to do it for this reason. I often wonder if the metal and family side effects of transition are worth the end result of transition. Funny thing is that no matter how much I want to stop when the time comes for my injection I don't even think twice about it and in the needle goes.🌀🌀

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing. It is a personal decision whether results of transition outweigh potential losses. As I always say, transition is not mandatory when a person is transgender.

@strykerpass600 Жыл бұрын

Thanks for this…. This puts into words how I feel. How do you get rid of the fog?

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful. Any of the grounding exercises such as mindfulness and deep breathing on on going basis help.

@nosferattusx2 Жыл бұрын

I might have been misdiagnosed with BPD because of this. I am experiencing strong symptoms of dissociation and am generally an emotional person, and I think one might be related to another - I did not truly realize that my actions have an impact, because I didn't really think I was real, so I never learnt to hold back, and it's even harder to hold back because I am not me. Currently, I have started to transition, and my general wellbeing has improved.

@nosferattusx2 Жыл бұрын

Even though I do not relate to my feelings, they somehow manifest through my body. People remember me as someone who generally is a fun person, and my parents deny my dysphoria because "look, this is a childhood photo where you're smiling, so you must be happy and comfortable!", although I don't even feel like that was me.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Glad to hear you are doing better.

@qarsiseer 2 жыл бұрын

I’ve unfortunately carried my dissociation with me throughout my transition. I still experience it most days even being full time.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am sorry to hear.

@willow417 2 жыл бұрын

I dissociate a lot in the summer, I hate wearing less layers of clothing due to the heat, so I stay inside and leave my body. I do go out once in a while but I present my Trans identity through clothing and use it as affirmations. Almost like how bears and squirrels get food for the winter and then go into hibernation. I will find a good outfit that affirms me and take that good feeling and then go back into a dissociated state.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am sorry to hear you experienced this.

@jbw6823 2 жыл бұрын

I dissociated when I was first realizing my gender when I was 4. I saw myself outside of my body. It actually really didnt bother me.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that.

@Zane_Holland 2 жыл бұрын

I definitely experienced this as a kid. I probably still do to a small extent.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I am sorry to hear you have experienced it.

@NexViolentus 4 ай бұрын

My dissociation is mostly sex related. I have mostly body dysphoria. When I hook up I cant feel anything. Its like im literally numb on the inside. It didn't help that my partners were not the best. I could never get what all the hype is about with hooking up because it feels tedious to me. I tried using a prosthetic and it gave me even more dysphoria when i coudnt feel anything physically or psychologically. I still crave sex and intimacy but i feel like it isnt worth the aggrivation to find a partner when I dont feel any pleasure from this

@MidnightEkaki 2 жыл бұрын

I have kind of related to the term 'disassociation' however when reading into it, I'm not sure I relate to the symptoms of it. I will space out every now and again and feel like I'm not in 'reality' for a moment, but I don't know thats the same thing. I guess its more that I've had feelings of being like a robot without a sense of attachment to my body, I dislike being touched and anything that makes me feel exposed. Like when I used to change in the locker rooms I'd kind of 'numb' my body and mind to get through it. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel weird about the person looking back and sometimes I'm scared by it as if I'm seeing someone else looking at me. Don't know if you'd call that disassociation though.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@cristov6797 2 жыл бұрын

I never feel what’s going on and I have memory problems (like I have to make an effort to remember the moments I had with the girl I dated) I always looked at the mirror and it’s foggy even tho I took a cold shower. I see it but but it’s not me, made me live in this shell without coming out because I thought I was ok with it.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@cristov6797 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD do you have a video on fear of transitioning even tho you want it?

@osbaldolara5615 2 жыл бұрын

This is tricky for me with my aspbergers desasociative factors . In my case they are very intrinsic with my none binary identity . And it can be confusing for me but I confront everything head on because with my aspbergers I stand on principle and values that give me lots of self worth and strength to accept my self sabotage mechanisms and deal with my self and own issues so others don't do it for me . I play with an open deck and what people do with it enables me to see their true colors.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@bookworm5433 2 жыл бұрын

Yes, I feel very disconnected. I feel like I don't exist. Every day is a rinse and repeat. But let me ask you this. In your opinion is it possible to do well and live with this, without transitioning? Can it be successfully managed? Or, is transitioning the only successful course of action? Again, I'm only asking your personal opinion. Completely judgment free. Also, if it can be, briefly what does that look like? Maybe I ask questions I already feel the answers to, but I respect and treasure your words on such things.

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Hi and thanks for sharing. You are asking a question that cannot be answered without knowing your history, your coping, and your severity of GD.

@ikillrapists 2 жыл бұрын

I experienced childhood trauma (witnessing/experiencing a close relational death) that has lifelong consequences. I dissociate all the time and have done so my whole life because of it. I realized during quarantine that it is a habit I need to break, however it is very hard. It's always two steps forward, one step back, sometimes two steps forward, three steps back. I'm also nonbinary trans, which has actually relieved some of the dissociation-- probably because I'm becoming more of my own person rather than a person solely connected to trauma. Do you recommend any specific form of treatment to help combat dissociation? Thank you, Dr. Z!

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear of your experiences. Oftentimes mindfulness and meditation helps as it reroutes brain to be grounded and present.

@ikillrapists 2 жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD Thank you Dr. Z. Your answer is incredibly insightful.

@broke6785 2 жыл бұрын

I found out that I dissociate this year because my therapist told me. And I didn't know before that it was related to being trans. It makes alot more sense why I'm emotionally numb to alot of things including dysphoria sometimes and everyday daydreaming a lot. Although recently I have been dissociating alot less because recently came out to my parents and that releaved alot of stress and anxiety. But I still find it really annoying how I have maladaptive dissociation so when I get really stressed or when I get some dysphoria dissociation is still a major part of it. Have any tips on get ride of more dissociation. Pls

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing. Grounding exercise of any kind are great and wirh time should help.

@heartofdawn2341 2 жыл бұрын

I don't feel myself dissociate, but I do find myself waking up as though I've been on autopilot the last few minutes. Then again, I also have insomnia, so it may be just that

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@justignoreme7725 2 жыл бұрын

As ever haven't yet watched it but really really looking forward to watching it. Hope your staying well in these Terf & Delta ridden times Big BIG HUGS from soon to be Balkanised Brexit Britain!! 💜💜💜

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you and wishing best to you too.

@authorised_creature 11 ай бұрын

In terms of coping mechanisms, could dissociation (feeling numb and robotic) be replaced by sadism or psychopathy as a maladaptive coping mechanism? Is this possible? Have you met anyone like this?

@DRZPHD 11 ай бұрын

Hi. I have never personally met someone with such coping.

@authorised_creature 11 ай бұрын

@@DRZPHD O h . Okay... well then uhh... That's good to hear then, right?

@DarkZinxu 2 жыл бұрын

I've been looking for information regarding Affect Phobia and gender dysphoria, is there any good recourses on it?

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Hi. I can't think of any recent research (off the top of my head). There are many things that do overlap with GD, often masking GD, which is the root issue for many. Social Anxiety is another one. It is common to experience Affect Phobia w/GD. Sorry, I am not the one who is big on pathologising as DSM is coming up with new diagnosis every day. Think the key is to figure out if the person is struggling with both and how are they related. Hope this helps.

@DarkZinxu 2 жыл бұрын

Hmm, ok. Thanks for the answer. Time will tell, I hope. Being unaware of your own feelings makes getting a correct diagnosis so much harder.

@heartofdawn2341 2 жыл бұрын

Then the question is how to deal with dyphoria? Bottom is hitting me hard right now, and I don't know how to cope

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear.

@jessalynanne5825 2 жыл бұрын

Talking about dissociation in with me as well I haven't had sex with my wife in over 20 years the last time we had sex I had to change into some lingerie and she was completely disgusted I know even on a daily basis I noticed this at work and at home where I'm zoned out I tend not to care about much other than my mind is constantly thinking about being a woman full-time about going through the needed surgeries about getting breast implants about having a vagina. I have horrible disassociation concerning activities with my children doing things with my wife it's horrible we don't sleep in the same bed anymore we haven't had sex in 20 years I could go on and on and on I am so torn so conflicted I have such guilt shame embarrassment fear

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@kbradley546 2 жыл бұрын

I experienced my disassociation as adaptive until my wife said, “What do you mean you float above your own head every time you try on clothes. That’s kind of weird.”

@DRZPHD 2 жыл бұрын

Yes when others put it in context for us we suddenly can realize how unhealthy it is. Wish you all the best.