You were the person they didn’t want... Now become the person they can’t have! Hold your head up move forward.

People are so unwilling to work on a relationship. They have some kind of fairy tale idea of a relationship. Too many choices today. Just my thought as a senior.

Gotta stay out of the friend zone. You are right Coach Craig. Being friends is a terrible deal.

People break up over such trivial shit these days, long term reles are hard. Your hard work is rewarded by companionship. This day and age of being so introspective is good to stop loveless unions, but it’s going the othe way, people butterflying their whole lives leaving heartbreak because of “feelings” that might have change with both putting work in, and guess what communication rather than “hints” then a bail. And that’s what a long term rele deserves. Respect. It’s creating quite selfish people these days.

I filmed this one at 2 a.m today so that's why I look a bit tired.

I dumped mine because i knew she had been seeing this another guy. Devastated after that as i was so attached to her but it was best for me.Pain was unbearable and random thoughts of her pops up once in a while but felt better. Put yourself first and no woman can ever take this away from me.

Shouldnt say " if you change your mind let me know" because the subtext is that you are waiting. It creates the mindset for you that you expect you may get back together. What you want instead is a minset that you will meet and be with a better person then the ex. And if the ex should ever change their mind they will let you know anyway without you asking them to.

"Doesn't know" = "no". People don't want to hurt your feelings and/or want to avoid saying something that will cut you off.

I can relate to all your videos u post and definitely I have anxiety with breakups. The only thing that calms me down is listening to your videos. If I dont, my anxiety comes back.

Wow , that email left totally different impression on me. The girl said : YOU NEVER SAY YOU LOVE ME. YOU DONT COMMUNICATE . and all the guy is concerned about is being needy ? Sound the opposite- cold and avoidant behavior . She cried and reached our in 2 weeks - does this sound like a relief stage ? I think it was a break up in a moment , an attempt to shake him up. She wanted him to show that he cared , but she got space and more cold behavior . Wow. Poor girl

I agree that the % of people with secure attachment style seems to be far far less than 50%. I think the 50% stat, that is reported in several attachment theory books, was biased because when you administer a test you often get artificially good answers. I dated and hung out with many people and I would say no more than 20% seem secure. In some segments of the population, for instance minorities that struggle economically and typically have broken families / single parents, you hardly find anyone secure at all, it is seriously close to 0%

Thank you Craig! You just described my situation. Im moving forward. Not putting myself on hold.

I was lucky enough to find great coaches here on KZfaq to support me through every stage of my breakup. Dating Guy, Rory from Love Chat, and now as I am calm enough, though still hurting, to analyze and grow, I was lucky to find your videos. Your points are spot on, I send every one that's relevant to my counsler so he can get a professional analysis rather than just my side, and to all my friends - even those who are in a relationship, because your advice on attachment types is so valuble to keep a relationship going.

Word Back up plan defined : your back is up against me. I'm not your #1 option✌. I only settle for the number one spot💪👸. Really, sad how people use the one that truly love them.

Never compromise. Don’t accept a bad deal thinking it’s better than no deal. It’s not better than no deal.

Stay safe Coach! Keep up the awesome work

Narcs are terrible people!!! That's all I know. I have walked away and I feel amazing!

Sir, you have helped me a lot! My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. I was seriously sick btw, could have die that time. She said, she does not feel what she should, and dont want to be in relationship with me any more. She also said, she was bored with me (I was really sick, no shit.. I got into hospital with cardic sympthoms). I was shocked. Our realationship was perfect, I thought. I wanted her back so much, I was in love. I'm still, however you helped me to realise, what she did was worse than cheating. Left me when I was the most vulnerable and needed support. I still feel the pain, but it is better day after day. So thank you Mr. Kenneth, it was and it is a pleasure watching your videos!

There is another guy.

My ex husband left me for a woman whom he said he adored turns out she was a nutcase and he was in a toxic relationship. Now after 5 years he wants to return to me definitely not his option B screw that.

I would be interested in a video on how to reenter the dating world after a traumatic marriage/divorce followed by an extended (20 year) period of not dating at all.

Tke cre and keep safe coach craig ..been watching ur videos for a month now ..it really helps tnx

I have yet to see a video of the what to and not to do's when you get dumped because she doesn't feel her father will ever accept you. This was a first for me so I'm clueless. I wish I had more money to spend on a session with this gentleman. ☹️

My ex came back after 5 months of NC , after 1 week she said she dont want commitment, we can be just frinds , I clearly state I don’t want friendship from her

I almost made that mistake. Thank God I saw this important video! Thanks Coach Craig!

Funny how this video came out as soon as i found out he was talking to a past girl he likes.

When I slowly was cuddled in the backup basket, I simply asked for divorce non negotiable. She reached out 3-4 month later so I set a watertight boundary : let me alone and be accountable to your own shit. It wasn't a week later I ran into 2 ex from 15 and 20 years ago. Time has done it's work, we all moved on and now we are the best friends in the world (huge respect and no will to get back in any kind of relationship). So YES you can be friends with an ex but it takes a lot of time and all must have the capability of growing while moving on his own path.

I just said "no" to this deal. Feels good.

I have almost the same situation. I was controlling & needy with my ex . So he broke up with me. He says he still loves me & doesn’t want to move on . But he’s not ready to be in a relationship with me right now. We have a son together so it’s hard to do no contact. I just don’t want him that he can get me back whenever he’s ready just because we have a son together

Hi Craig! Love your channel! I am not in a break up or anything but happily married. Yet I love learning about attachment trauma. I think the reason thereof is because I had a really strange hate-love relationship with my father (from his side mind you), but an angel of a mother. I just wondered if you have more psychological theories up your sleeve, beside attachment theory and personality disorders. I am greedy :P Or your ideas about personality theories like MBTI or Big 5? I am trying to figure out your personality type...

So right!!!I stoppped that but my ex got jealous and started stalking my social media and msg my female friends to sabotage so I had to block her and said were not going to be friends

Two brothers, narcisistic mom, enabling father. I've been there, got the t-shirt. Most her friends are male, it's not another guy, it's many other guys. She cares about the guy... just not like she cares about the bad boys. 😂 It's not secure attachment. It's anxious the whole way and has narcisistic traits copied from her mom. I'm not a specialist, but like i said, been there, got the tshirt.

Coach.. How can I be one of the person whose situation you read in your videos?? You are cool coach..

Any chance of a video on reconnecting after a 3 year break up? Or after you’ve already messed up (needy,etc) Can no contact work even if it wasn’t initiated until 2 years after the breakup? I just started watching your videos and hoping a little late is not too late to put these practices to good use.

Literally just went through this tonight. A man that I have been dating often on, he’s always texting me and complaining he doesn’t see me enough, so the one night I have available this week I told him about it about a week ago and he casually said, “we should get together”. Yesterday I texted him and said “what’s the plan for tomorrow“. He says “my friend Aaron wants to hang out, I haven’t seen him in a couple of weeks” keep in mind I work a shit ton and he hasn’t seen me in longer than that. I play it cool and say “ok”. So tonight about 9:30 PM I’m just settling into bed after 12 hour shift at work, and he text me “plans with Aaron fell through”. I say “I’ve had a long day, and I’m tired, and all I want is a bubble bath and a glass of wine. Besides, I’m not here to be your back up plan”. Now he’s acting all butt hurt and I’m leaving him on read. Done.

What if I'm in No Contact/No Reach Out and she texts me a screenshot for an upcoming event we'd originally bought tickets for, but now I'm taking my son because she broke up with me? No comments from her, just the screenshot. Do I respond with "Thanks" or not at all?

My ex and I have been doing business together, now he dumped me and he said we can be friends and we must continue to do business.After breaking up he is very rude to me and he constantly humiliates me and tells me that he doesn't love me anymore.How do I practice the no contact with him? he calls me often regarding business.

Any chance we could get some videos on this topic relative to online dating?

Is there an exception to this rule if she's in a rebound relationship?

So coach the other day the young lady that i had been dating for about 5 month's text me the other day about 9 time's asking me to get her something to eat. So i didn't reply to the text cause i'm still doing my no contact cause i really cared for this young lady. Then later on that night she sent me another text which she always say is a mistake text. So doing this time i have only replied because of the health of her family member. In the past when she was my priority that i would have drop everything to meet her need. So cause i didn't get the food so she text and says that an ex boyfriend was spending the night but i never reply cause i am still working on me.

Honestly, at this point I'm drained from sh*tty relationships (or not even that). I'd rather have an AI/robot husband that I don't have to worry about lying, using me, running off to another woman, acting like I'm the back up plan. I've never had anyone put me first. I'm always the second choice or the gap filler until they can find someone better. I've failed to reach most of my life goals as they required long term stability (a family, marriage, buying/paying off a mortgage) and no one seems capable of doing that any more.

Hi, my ex gf broke up with me about two weeks ago. When she was breaking up with me, in my emotions, I agreed to be friends with her. However, once I came to KZfaq and started watching all your videos, I learned I should not, and have been doing no contact. My question is, is there anything I need to say to her to let her know "Hey I am no longer willing to be your friend, I still have feelings for you.", or just continue no contact?

Can you do a video on emotionally unavailable men?

I bet I know the issue...that guy obviously showed way to much, more then she was ready for and got turned off. Guy def got needy. Its u fortunate because women are confusing. She prob went on that Vaca with him to see if things could rekindle...and they didnt. Then you said you loved her, when you weren't sure if she felt the same, which prob killed it completely. Heart wrenching....I feel your pain brother

I had an ex who was cheating on me with her ex bf,but she will disappear then come back,i find out she’s seeing him and me at same time..I guess I was her back up,so I walked away now she’ll text once in a while and I tell her come to my place,I don’t take her out or waste money on her anymore..if u don’t see her as wife material and ur single why not use her or be her back up just don’t get attached too her and know what kind of woman she is,..

I was dumped by my ex I begged a bit but stoped and started no contact. Just two days latter she called i answered her and she just asked me if here bag she left is still there I said I wil check but I didn't call her again. Since then she has been calling sometimes I ignore her sometimes I pickup. I try to do no contact but she keeps calling

What do we do if we already made the mistake of saying “I’ll be here waiting for you?” I wish I had find these videos a week ago, when I sent out my last message explaining that I’ll be trying my best to move on and letting him go. He loves in LA and I’m from Chicago.

I hope you evacuated!!! :(

Total lack of communication. Walk away. Give her all the space she needs. Stay busy.

me and my Girlfriend have been dating for 9 months. She went home for the summer, and since she and I have been back in school she has been avoiding me. she texted me and said that she was having a hard time and so she just wanted to be good friends, instead of boyfriend and girlfriend.I have been inviting her over after school and on the weekends so we can talk and hang out but, she keeps on saying that she is busy or that she can't, even thought she never is busy. Today on snap chat I saw a picture of a guy that I don't recognize what should I do. Any sigestions

9:52 there is always another guy in the situation

I made that mistake I will wait for you your my wife but doing NC know and I feel good the more time I spend away ft her more o don’t want to be with her she contacted me 2 days ago I had to ignore her

He seemed to have ineffective communication. Easy to think you have good communication when you don't. She was signaling distress and it's her partners job to help her figure it out when she is having difficulties doing it herself. Instead he bailed. She then signaled again she didn't know how to understand it and he pushed her away more. At that point I imagine she felt very alone and abandoned by the person that should help her.

What do you do if you initially agreed to be their friend? How is this fixed if you've gone no contact?

When you feel good during no contact cause you felt you said everything right... then Craig says you don't wanna say you're waiting for them... F*CK

What if ex already 100% sure I'm backup...How can I turn that around...By no contact??

Sounds like shes on an ssri antidepressant

But I already told him I will waiting for you until I die ☹ what should I do now ☹

You have an interesting voice

Well why do you have videos about getting an ex back if your ex comes back you are a backup because the last person wasn't what they thought they were going to be

Ed Sheeran said in the song ‘happier’. I’ll be waiting for you!

I did no contact. After about 2 weeks he messaged and asked to hang out. We started hanging out. We went back to acting like a normal couple. Then I asked where this is going and he said he doesn’t want to be with anyone right now because he’s working on himself and needs to be able to 100% trust me. (I never broke his trust he just have trust issues). I began on this downhill spiral of telling him I don’t want to be treated this way or that I’m done. But he would always get angry at me and find a way to manipulate me to come back. I can’t commit to cutting him off, he always makes me out to be a bad guy. Saying that I found someone else or that I’m not good enough for him because I’m not willing to wait for him the way he would wait for me. Idk what to do or how to find the strength to cut him off. Please send strength and advice my way.

Yea fuck that. I’m Lebron James not Kent Bazemore.

He was never a back up plan he choose the wrong party that's all

do you only coach men ? or also women

Do u ever think u want to help everybody professionally & do a sliding scale instead

My ex learned that the grass was greener. He´s not coming back to me

My girlfriend is a chronic lier,I caught her having an affair with her Boss and she always lied about it..one day I was following her to work at the same time we’re talking on the fon until she told me she has to go inside the office but I was following her from a distance and I lost site of her,so what I did I went straight to her office come to find out she wasn’t there,I suspect at that moment that she is meeting with her Boss sure enough I went to pass by where I caught them before and there she is to avoid amusements or trouble I left and went to wait in front of her office,after 20 minutes or so pass by here they come following each other toward their office,I confronted her where she came from why she doesn’t have make up anymore I know in my heart that they just have a quicky quicky before working she spent an hour to put her make ups lost it for 5 seconds that’s very understanding to me that something just happened...but any way I gave her many chances to stop what she’s doing because I really love this woman however she does it again they took a off from office and went off island and she blocked any source of communication between us like blocking me on the fon media and all and this time I really had it,yet she is now telling me that we’re through..Please Craig I need ur opinion or advice regarding this matter..I know that deep in her heart she loves me that she’s only doing this for financial purposes and her job..I will be. Waiting for ur good advice...

I was seeing someone a while ago. Looking back I think she was a narcissist. She was constantly telling me how her ex boyfriends are all obsessed with her, then she was telling me how many men are messaging her and then the straw the broke the camels back was she was saying how she has back up guys. In the end I walked away and then couple of weeks later she was on Facebook with this other guy. I felt sorry for the guy as he’s probably pulling his hair out right now dealing with all that shit. Very sad.

After 1.5 months of no contact I reached out to my ex to say I was happy. My ex told me that she was dating someone else (rebound relationship), i said we would be friends. She said her boyfriend was enough and that she was glad I was also there for her too. I told her that I would never be her backup. I told her I would never contact her ever again and I wasn’t going to be there for her for at least 3 months even if she reached out to me. I did that because I felt disrespected by her after I told her I wouldn’t always be there. and I’m glad I did. She said and I quote “You’re not my backup man 😂, just a friend. But ok, I’ll do that.” that’s what all exes say. I don’t doubt I was her backup. This guys story actually sounds a lot like mine.

What if you started out as friends then FWB and just remained like that but sexually exclusive until now with another guy that she just wants to sleep with and you and be friends with everyone??? We been best friends for 3 years almost seeing each other DAILY!

Don't be the auxiliary boyfriend/girlfriend kings & queens. Let your ex step up & prioritize you or bust. Let the dumpers do a little work for once. 🚛🦺

Man I love you