Christine S its sad really need for admiration comes from recieving lack of care from parents. And then you stop caring for yourself. I think that may be the root to why admiration is so important to the narc. They were not cared for properly and did not learn self love in a healthy way as well as positive self talk. Therefore they can not feel love for others they can not feel it for themselves the only appreciation they get id through admiration for others. They felt unwanted and now they make others feel that way.

You are a nuturing person. Unfortunately, there's no appreciation.

@@mylittlekittens *nurturing The thing is that real caring for someone while they are growing includes challenging harmful, hurtful behaviours and establishing healthy boundaries.

In my case he liked that I was nurturing and kind. I admired him often but also criticized at times. He was ok with that because I was über-respectful doing it, I guess. But once he realized I'd stop doing what he wanted no matter his tantrums, that went south...veeeery badly.

Don't feel bad. I'm 45 years old, and within last 6 months realized I'm codependent from abusive upbringing. I've been/continuing healing.

@The True World lol xD

@The True World Amen! :)

Right on the trolley👍

The True World That’s what I did. She came back to Hoover. I just repeated myself. Over and out!!

@The True World Very good advice, i will try that. Will that help against vulnerable?

Booh hooo Narcissist here.

...WHAT???.....keep your pants on....and run with just pants on??...can we wear shoes?...HUGE clown boots maybe?...whilst riding around on a unicycle!! I know some narcs who might just be repelled by this strategy...i'll do anything to repel them. SLEEPING WITH KIPPERS IN MY BED...might just do the trick.

Lol keep your pants on 🤣

klb374money how long were you married ? What was his worst trait ?

@@tuleybee2425 I could only stand to be married to him for 3 years. I say I got tricked because he was so nice to me before we were married. Once that ring was on my finger , he thought he owned me. He had just about every trait that Dr.Grande mentioned in the video. After we married. But I wasn't that stupid to stay after he beat me.. oh he'd beat me for hanging the toilet paper wrong, or because I didn't offer him a drink while he mowed the yard. My red flag should have been how insistent he was to get married. Now that I'm older, I forgive myself.

klb374money yeah kicked him to the curb . I’ve chosen to be single 3 years so I don’t attract the same . Really working on breaking they pattern ..

He's definitely one of the best teachers/counselors who talks about this. The way he breaks everything down is incredibly helpful, and that's why i usually listen to his videos in full, when most others on narcissism halfway through or before it just kind of trails off or you yourself do.

@@klb374money Thank goodness you left with your sanity and good health, I hope....these people run people down into the ground and poor health.

I was thinking about the same, because I believe it's happening to me right now. I'm in a vulnerable position, both emotionally and in therms of work and finances while having a relationship with this woman who keeps on showing off her apparent success right on my face while I'm languishing in a bad spot I cannot extricate myself from. Edit: she text me from abroad, as she's a flight attendant, if my replies are not effusive and adorned with adolescent type content she starts pumping me with "I know something's happening to you, but I want you to know that I love you..." kind of stuff. The same rant I grew up with in a sick to the bone narcissistic family. I have to make an effort to NOT feel bad and realize that I'm being manipulated by people who feed off others, particularly empaths, in order to feel good about themselves.

Chap..... I hope you are ablation to get Sean from her

Number two is in my opinion triangulation, a tactic which they seem to use a lot.

HILARIOUS 🤣🤣🤣!!!!?

Savage

When I was young mustangs were called cheerleader cars.

@@invisableobserver 🤣🤣🤣 that’s awesome

Gooooood one!!!!

Right!!!

@@loulou5331 I show them that I am totally bored by them

Lou Lou yep, it's the same conversation on a loop and so self involved are they , they don't even see the , I've lost the will to live, expression on their audience faces.

Yep, my father brags about having 136 IQ, but I'm pretty sure it's nowhere near that high - even so - I was so underwhelmed when he said that I acted as if I barely heard him. Problem is, if he doesn't think you're hanging into every word dripping from his mouth, he'll talk louder and faster, repeat stories, etc., in an effort to get his undivided "supply". I ignore him on purpose sometimes just because I just can't give a shit about everything he says...then, when he catches on, he'll get mad lol.

Cook a meal for him C.Kyung...i've never seen narcs shut up quicker than the moment you feed them. I also find..fake snoring helps...with a little bit of drifting left or right in your armchair. Obviously if you feed them, then drift off....you can laugh internally when they leave the room and start bashing pots, pans and cupboards...the older deaf ones start swearing out loud when they haven't got their hearing aids in.

This so enraged my narc neighbor that he is stalking and physically harming me. Cops won't do anything unless I have iron clad evidence.

Jetty Girl great advice for the garden variety of toxic people but I think that feeds the narcissist 🥴. I can imagine them gleefully anticipating the next time 😡😁

How about ..DANCING...like, inviting some fellow empaths over and playing Michael Flatly RIVERDANCE on your phone...and all dance, film it and especially film the narc's face on seeing it. ....now THAT i would love to see on the auld you tube.

Lmao what do you do if it's your own sister but you feel bad because she falls victim of herself?

Turn around and run as fast as you can

wont it look like we are scared of them and encouraging them to hurt more people?

Brice, that is an excellent bottom line to live by, very well summarized.

They rely on you thinking you can't live without them. When they know you have no qualms about walking away they have nothing to hold above your head.

Yes i concur. Their bloody nosey as well. If you stay secretive, gray rock, they can't suss you or your personality out to destroy you sooner or later. 👍

Omgoodness, me too - that was freakin' hilarious! 🤣😂🤣😂

Sounds familiar. My worst fear is that I'll meet someone like that again...I will work on myself hard to prevent that...

Well done on staying so motivated to work on yourself for 3 whole years! I'm not finished my first year of work on myself yet and I've had moments where I was tempted by narcs. I can see how strong you are in 3 years. Well done you! 💪

You go girl! God will replace him with the right guy.

You paid him??!! Couldn't you just lock him out and throw his stuff out when he wasn't there?

They like bickering. I grew up with that!

Parasites 🤣

@@mylittlekittens absolutely true. Took me just way too long to see the obvious. Ugh! It's never about the subject matter. The whole point is to maintain discord. Color you bad even when it - either makes zero succinct sense, is full of holes and contradicts itself, has no basis in the factual realm, is an askew, perceived slight, or rushing you and staying up your ass so you can't get ready. Nothing matters here. Because - where there is absolutely no slight- it all rolls out the same way. I teeter between thinking they need the discord for themselves (either to feed on it or because they can't stand to see you happy) OR the point is the slow death of the real you as because just being around them you waste and waste your life time running round and round in tight little, made up circles that all conclude = nothing. Yet WILL be repeated endlessly. Spats often 'end' with their insincere apologies "I was wrong, ok? Gah, give me a break.' again again again so stupid. These days I just say, 'Ohhh, one of your moods again. Do you need to lay down? Because you're (gaslighting) so scattered, can't complete thoughts or focus, you keep saying we threw away a blue tub ..but it was pink. Want me to call the Dr in the morning?" Slight concern. Very casual. And make myself scarce. Oh how he used to frustrate me to no end until I raged. But .. I saw the contradictory 'smiling, pleased' look in the eyes of the sweating, red faced, slobbering, galoot, who YES Dr is SO right that it's ridic obvious. And the 'tactic' switching. (Gonna try to make you think you're my girlfriend for two weeks, then I'll speak circles without answering your question, then I'll listen to you intently and keep answering as though I think you're saying something else, THEN I'll have story after story of daily incidents In which people glorified me, told me I'm so good that it's rare, how I saved the day.. AGAIN, how I invented this and that but bastardly big business stole my idea, I'll dose your food /drink w downers- have my way w you, then be concerned or scared because you're 'delusional' and can't make it without me, THEN berate you for sleeping too much and being foggy at work cuz you're the most irresponsible person, all the while adding something to your shampoo, cond, lotions , soaps.. that causes immediate thick dryness, absolute straw feel to hair, and when I have you passed out I'll leave some inside you. Yes. I am ridiculously aging you, frazzling your look, and drying you from inside to out. You will always have upset tummy very smelly when I feed you, and when you refrain from ingesting unsure things... And triple double quadruple lock your door at night / when you leave... Oh. I'll still get in. Cept it's poison now. You'll be too fkn tired to leave. Mmhmm. You are unappreciative and can't make it without me. Oh. For your long driving trips I coat the windshield inside and out w a thin layer of baby oil. Your smoke sticks to the inside. And dirt on outside. You can't see that well by the time night falls. Yeah. And you don't look as nice as you used to. Hems are coming out, well placed little stains and holes, rips, tears, cuts. You're just falling apart. You are constantly 'misplacing' and 'breaking' devices, cords, things you need for work. (hehehehehe) your always complaining... Your crackers and chips (WILL) always be stale. Your treasured items askew, off center and grubby. Doorknobs loose. Cabinet doors hang kinda off. All while you oddly 'broke' your car so I sold it. I've prepped new bosses and friends/family so they're wary of you. The mailman isn't friendly to you anymore. You just don't realize how you ARE. You're lucky I'm still here 'caring' for you, you're just plain mean and treat me like sh*t. You ignore me so rudely! (when simply using the bathroom, or reading, napping, driving, busy in general... Yeah... Seen as a personal ignore of me)you used to cheerily garden, play guitar, do art.. but you know how much I like it so you don't do those things anymore. Your phone 'connected' to mine and I was FORCED to read (every message as far back as they went) how dare you hurt me with innocent, casual conversations that I take to mean you're screwing all those ppl (that your messages show you haven't spoken to in years) you're sneaky and you have a boyfriend!!! (??--jesus I wish! Cuz then I could escape this isolation roommate situation of death, and why the hell would a roommate fkn CARE ??) Ohhhh yeah.. that's right. Gaslight #1 was stupidly thinking I could be brainwashed into thinking we are an item. (I switched to my own voice at the end) Sorry. Had to get that out. When you're isolated.. new potential friends find this a bit much coming from a "paranoid, delusional, jumpy, hypervigilant "Crazy drug addict bitch, user, mean mean person."

You bet!! Hi Andie💖....I’m an avid watcher of your channel

Sounds like a narcissist is an insect!

Yes, don't give their ego anything and that will be the end.

True!

Yeah they want you to think something is wrong with you and you're lucky they're giving you the time of day 🤡 BYEEE 😂

Best you are now away from the likes of him. He sounds like rubbish.

I did that naturally to my last narcissist. He got bored. That's fine with me.

That's why they should spent their little time studying about this personality disorder.

That would be me.

@@b_b_b5146 they didnt always have you tube and often people dont even look into studying something unless their is a diagnosis of a child friend loved one most are undiagnosed.

I entered my most recent one after I got my MSW and was a therapist for years..... Combine the character trait of being able to see the good in everyone, empathy, and being too close to the situation to see it from a detached viewpoint...... Thankfully I've gotten better at spotting them in my personal life since then.

It also depends on your childhood trauma and conditioning and whether or not you have explored that as the subconscious catalyst for attracting them!!

That strategy can enrage them if you are that direct with them and then lookout all hell will break lose on you. Never tell any narcissist you know what they are doing. I had one actually slam my head into a wall when I told him I was onto him. They are dangerous.

@@user-wm4je4ct8y I'll be careful.

John Paul, 'psychological martial art' is a good description. V is correct. they will fly into a rage if they're confronted directly. Your strategy of indirect contact is the best. Know yourself, honor your boundaries, stay vigilant.

@@marcirobins5144 You, too. Good advice. Being very aware of them and how they operate is an important advantage. Take care. Thanks.

John Paul learn about “gray rock.” Takes no effort on your part and doesn’t put you at any risk. It is the most highly effective strategy possible.

😂

Haha. If only!

Then they'd date each other. Suckers...

@@k.ambriz9789 hahahaha

Best comment today!!

Adventures with Dogs great song that! And very symbolic.

Same with me....I had a VERY healthy marriage until he passed away Christmas Eve 2017....first real relationship was the narc......I was used to NORMAL and not familiar with the narc...what a nightmare.....

🎉🎉❤❤❤

Getting some one healthy is possible too.

I find "fake snoring" helps...well, kinda pisses them off...so, i disco-dance my way away from them whilst playing "STAYIN ALIVE" by the Bee Gees on my phone. They think i'm mad...and i make my point with the title of the song.

liz carr I see the same thing - I have become much more attuned to a conversation style and prefer those that flow back-and-forth with ease. I think a lot of people are conversationally starved and when they getAround people who are good listeners they take advantage of it and unless we set good boundaries we could get sucked in and be drained.

Agree. It started before the internet, when we were encouraged to "big ourselves up" at job interviews. I always found this excrutating. Now with sm, everyone does it all the time. Awful. I loathe fb for that reason

The difference between communicating and taking turns talking.

Aren't you kinda doing that right now?

This!!

👏 ☝️ agree!!

Agree.

Excellent advice

sadly if you are codependent,you seek validation with new people by caring them to show your worth...and mostly attract narcissists.

Yes, they really hate boundaries.

She is a 2 year old

They enjoy talking bad about others including their so called friends. That's my first clue sometimes, they quickly say how they dislike someone.

@@user-wm4je4ct8y Agreed and one thing I have noticed is how they tend to complain a lot. I mean all the time almost! It can be draining to be around if you can't get away from them. It's like being around a grumpy child. There are a lot of signs thankfully. I just wish I educated myself on the signs years ago.

listener...

aaronsdavis the issue with that is the current narcissist may see that as a challenge - ie try to manipulate in order to make you not suspect that of them and see you as someone to fool. Dangerous territory.

The True World would you give an honest answer to the question “are you a narcissist?” Lol

ILLAngel101 my ex partner use to say your twin sister has just turned up and didn’t even call . I said she doesn’t have to call me first . It’s my house she can pop in whenever . He didn’t like me being close to friends or family . He and his needs always came first

The True World that statement sounds very ego based .

Gaslighting people? Why bother?

Dam I hope the best for you unfortunately alot of woman like this type of man beacuse of certain traits like charming very flattery shoes off and wants to be admired because most woman can relate to wanting to be admired rather than loved although when woman get attached then they want love until they find out the one their with is narcissist and doesn't want love then they get upset but I mean dating a narcissist is like dating a hoe there's no value but the difference is you'll get more time with a narcissist than a hoe but that time with the narcissist is wasted where as a dating hoe you get less time but a good time in a short period that doesn't last and leaves you empty although dating narcs will leave you empty as well more like angry too lol

please try to not write in all caps, as this is painfull to the eyes to read.

@@selfworthy LOL. PLEASE TRY AND SPEND YOUR TIME ON SOMETHING OTHER THAN TYPING THESE STUPID RESPONSES. I DO NOT LIVE MY LIFE FOR YOU. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ MY REPLIED THEN DON'T. IF YOUR EYES ARE IN PAIN FROM READING ALL CAPS WHICH NO ONE PAYS MUCH ATTENTION TO ANYWAY WHEN TYPING I WOULD THEN SUGGEST YOU CONTACT AN EYE DOCTOR BECAUSE THAT IS ABNORMAL.

@@AC-ew2xr wow. A touch of ODD, perhaps?

R N how do they get a narcissist wound then ? My ex went off her brain at me one day when I made a tsk sound at her, lol. Also when I jokingly called her a tight arse. She ranted for ages & then gave me the silent treatment for days.

Meaning from all the people that teach about narcissism on KZfaq, you're in the top echelon of warriors of truth.

This!!

🙂

Bingo 😂🎉

@@RN-gx7wt Yep, humor is excellent when rebuffing these folks. I suggest that folks honestly evaluate what pushes your buttons and have some responses or intentions prepared ahead of time. When they press those buttons, which is inevitable, if you are prepared, you can then respond minimally and effectively, instead of reacting. This is probably easier with work situations, but I have discovered a little planning with intention provides protection and less aggravation. The only thing we are in control of, is our responses, so I say make them count. Ideally, you deflect, step aside and watch as they move on to the next more excitable mark.

@@RN-gx7wt Oh my, I do hope you will be wrong this once and that your fears for the daughter do not come true. Perhaps, the exposure will lead to insight and resilience. Your sister sounds diabolical, so I understand your fear of the outcome. Severe abuse often leads to children disassociating. For me it was a tremendous coping mechanism and did not turn into a pathological condition as an adult. Not for you either it seems. I went to a wonderful place, peopled with kind and wise beings. That place was as relevant to me as anything in this world. Yet, I always knew it wasn't real. When I stopped going there, I became a really awful kid. Perhaps your mind has different sorts of tethers than other people. Looser/longer/flowing and ranging about with permeable borders. As I think about your first response, and again, I don't follow everything you are conveying, it seems that you absorb emotions, facts, concepts, sensory stimuli, other's pain, etc. Then you internalize, reflect and at some point, project your internal experience within constructs that are peculiar to you. Language is powerful for sure, but it can not fully depict concepts, symbols, theories and dreams. Especially if all these are unfamiliar or ensconced in a foreign frame of reference to the rest of us. I have great faith in all our minds. But, I suspect our perceptions are profoundly compromised. Our poor brains are trapped in a dark box, with not especially highly developed sensory organs. No sonar or other handy senses, just limited visual, scent, touch and hearing as compared to other species. Somehow our brain makes some sort of sense of all this stimuli, while awash with hormones and a biochemical soup and finally, serves it up to our mind. This mind is sentient, fears being extinguished and is beset by instincts, emotions and thoughts. This brain arrives with inate abilities and temperments. Finally, each mind endures a unique experience. So, I think there are people who may very well have evolved slightly differently and have access to different capabilities or perceptual abilities or thought patterns. Even a small difference would be difficult for those folks or others to describe, define, recognize or relate. That small difference on a mind though? Could be as vast as a chasm! Oh dear, hon, I am not an empath. I feel for people, and I do sometimes try to mitigate their pain when I can, but I am too pragmatic and do not keep my own pain available to ever be considered an empath! I work with an empath. I swear I can almost see her aura or a field or distortion swell and recede in response to others. I'm sure it is non verbal cues, but she absorbs and emanates on an emotional and visceral level. Ok so .. I've rambled and have no idea if I have even addressed any point I intended! Forgive me if I lost the thread......

Innit

Never to late to start a new way.

In reality we mostly learn through personal experience; 'iron sharpens iron' relationships are not comfortable to endure, yet essential for personal growth.

Ugh. It's so true though. Yes a good one. I know a "mate poacher" haha.

"Grange" that's almost like the great river of India where they toss in their dead to the resident crocs, who are now totally jaded and are choosy about who gets eaten, so now they are trying to introduce scavenging turtles who are far less picky. Other than people wishing to toss their narc in that river , this is pointlessly off topic, I'll see myself out, thank you.☺

This would be my preferred way of managing an encounter. Taking the high road pays immeasurably.