Hi Steve, hang in there and you know check the playlists!

How u doing now bro

Thank you for your heartfelt words! We want to assure you that your comments are seen and deeply appreciated. We're grateful that the message resonated with you and that it's contributing to a meaningful conversation. Your support means a lot, and we're glad it made sense to you. 💙

The timeless way!! I believe it is really helpful, so glad you see it the same way. Thanks much for sharing and let us know how things go!!

Anytime! Thanks for being here 😊

Hi! You know, anything that takes you towards less interest and preoccupation, more freedom and a shift in focus... this truly helps. And I’ve heard many times that when the night is over, you make a distinction between it meaning you don’t analyze, don’t give it any meaning, it’s just over and a day begins, this can help!

AL I’m so so happy this made sense 😁 and yup exactly the issue you describe with having to monitor time makes the 30/30 or 20/20 rules it so unhelpful really.. welcome to the channel and thanks much for commenting!!

This is very. Helpful. Thank you.

Sandy, thanks so much!

I work mind puzzles. They don’t wake you up enough like exercise but keep you distracted enough not to worry about sleep.

Hi there! Sorry to hear this has been happening, but glad you found the channel. Check out Insomnia insight 330, it explains why this happens when sleepiness seems to vanish. And what you also describe we call surrender sleep, that’s when you finally sleep when you’ve given up and no longer try. This is a really good teaching point, because when even in the evening you “give up” and don’t try to sleep - that’s when sleep comes to you! Let us know how things go!

So glad things are easier 🙂 and I think it’s when we are peaceful, not trying to beat or tackle, that’s when things get easier

Hi! I think learning about the Houdini effecting helps so much here. Check episode 330!

Hi Tiffany, thanks for the kind words 🙏 I didn’t have plans but, it you happen to joins a Wednesday live I’m happy to share more thoughts on this. There’s a video here that talks about it

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you Daniel! Not sure which video you are referring to? Also trying to find the schedule for your Wednesday live :) ?

Anytime, I don’t know where it is exactly but if you browse you’ll find one one the surfers window. For the live, just keep an eye out, I post the live 24 or mor hours beforehand. It will resume next week

Hi Martha and welcome 🤗 So glad you found us and your story is very familiar. As you learn more I’m sure you’ll see things get easier and easier. Be in touch!

Hi Ryan! nsomnia comes from a place of trying to control something we feel we have lost control over- sleep. And like a bar of soap, the more we try to control it, the more slippery it becomes. What can be tricky to see is that sleeping well is a product of not trying to control sleep. Someone who sleeps well, by not trying to control sleep, teaches the brain that there’s no problem or threat or risk of losing control. This is why sleep hygiene is soo problematic! It’s basically a laundry list of dos and don’ts that implies that you can control sleep. As you can imagine it becomes this rabbit hole of trying more and sleeping less! Not only this, when we avoid screens for example, we give up autonomy and insomnia takes a bigger part of our lives. Oh and it can feel like a punishment to which doesn’t help! So the most helpful is to do what you like to do without regard to how it will affect your sleep. That’s abandoning attempts at controlling sleep and it then happens by itself! Hope this helps!

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 That makes a lot of sense, I suspected my sleeping problem was more so psychological. Thank you for the advice :)

Anytime! Glad it made sense 😊

No such thing, it’s a myth! But thinking there can be one, that causes lots of insomnia!

Hi Lily, Often seeing that it’s hard makes it easier. It’s when we think it should be easy that it gets harder.

Hi Ghulam! Thanks for commenting and for the interest in my book 😁 You know, throughout the years I’ve come to see that there are some problems with CBTi. Here’s what I think is a better way. The sleep window is really there simply as a nudge towards less attachment. It is a way to sort of make yourself try less and let go of attempts at controlling sleep. There is often confusion about the main purpose. In traditional CBT there’s a lot of emphasis on making yourself stay awake for a long time so you feel sleepy. It is true that sleep drive is important, but anything you do to make yourself sleep becomes an effort! This includes making yourself stay up late! Remember, insomnia is not a problem of not being sleepy, it is a problem of trying too much to sleep. So the way to think of the sleep window is that it is simply a nudge in the direction of trying less. When you give yourself less time for sleep, and you no longer know the time at night, these again are important psychological steps towards trying less, being willing to have less control. What exact time you get up or what exact time you go to bed doesn’t really matter! What does matter is not focusing too much on the time. It’s also important to set it and forget it. Decide upon sometime and then don’t question it. This will free your mind to think about more pleasant things! In fact what also helps a lot is not knowing the time at night. Deciding what time to get up in the morning and then making a decision to stop checking the time at a certain time in the evening. Not knowing the time is a very powerful way of letting go of control! Finally, I think it’s important to be generous and to go a gentle path of no pressure. Is very tempting to say that you will have a very narrow sleep window so that you feel really sleepy and then you reach your goal faster. But that’s a way of pressure! Think about when people try to lose weight. The reason most people don’t do well is because they choose an extreme diet that they can’t stick to for more than a few weeks. It’s the same with sleep windows. Many people choose a really tight window and then they become frustrated and pressured because it’s not something they can do forever. If someone decides not to do a diet but rather change their lifestyle to something they can do forever, then there’s no pressure! Then they lose weight easily. If you choose a sleep window that’s for example 7 hours, that’s pretty close to what most people do anyway so you can do that indefinitely. That’s the way! Oh and also not knowing the time or tracking time or how much you slept, this helps a ton as well 👍

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Thanks much. One thing I noted is that by the time I reached closed to my sleep window, my sleep drive is weakened and then it becomes difficult to sleep.

Hi Ghulam, You know, this is part of what we call the Houdini effect. It’s actually not that the sleep drive decreases, it’s that hyperarousal masks it. - One of the most common puzzling experiences is that you can go from feeling sleepy to suddenly not feeling sleep at all! You can literally be having a hard time keeping your eyes open and the moment you go to bed you’re wide awake. When this happens, it seems like sleepiness has vanished, like sleepiness disappeared. But in reality, that is not what happened. It is simply that hyper arousal has increased and it’s masking the sleepiness. In the evening, when you are actually wanting to be awake, sleepiness is experienced because you’re not resisting being awake. But the moment you want to sleep, in that moment you also don’t want to be awake, and that alerts the brain and makes you wide awake! The sleepiness didn’t disappear, it was simply masked by hyperarousal. Now it is important to know that this is completely normal. Imagine that you were really sleepy and then suddenly realized that your oven was on, then you do want to become very alert immediately for safety reasons! Why this happens for no particular obvious reason when you have trouble sleeping is the subtle change of your state of mind when you go to bed. When you want to sleep, that means that you don’t want to be awake, which means that being awake is a threat. And just like the oven being on immediately wakes you up, so does thinking “what if wakefulness comes!”, and that is why you immediately feel awake! So what should you do if you’re having this Houdini effect? Just being aware is really all needed! Because when you understand it, then there’s no mystery. And when there’s no mystery, you worry less and less and eventually it doesn’t happen any more! - Hope this helps!

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 That's a very subtle and paradoxical. Our mind is a complex machine and we need to understand it somehow. Your suggestion is very helpful and illuminating. Thanks much! God bless you as you help people in their misery.

Hi Nina! It’s because of effort. You’re doing 100% sleep hygiene, the intent of what you’re doing is that you’re trying to sleep. Perhaps not consciously, but there’s no question that you are wanting to sleep, and that’s why sleep isn’t happening! It’s also because you’re waiting, when you’re waiting for anything, it takes forever! Including sleep. And finally, it’s because you’re wondering. Wondering is a form of curiousity/puzzlement which is a common reason sleep isn’t happening. So these are great low hanging fruits, try less, do something you enjoy and lose track of time instead of waiting, and try to direct your curiosity elsewhere - and sleep will happen!

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 you're right, thank you for the insight. What should I do while in bed to fall asleep easily? I find it hard visualisating for some reason, my thoughts start to race as soon as I try to imagine relaxing scenes...although in the morning and daytime I can easily visualize. Sometimes I go to bed and tell myself that I have to intention to sleep,I'm just going to relax (to take pressure off forcing myself to sleep) but still on a very deep subconscious level I know that it's not true,my intention IS to sleep, so it's hard to trick my brain and have no expectations...what should my thoughts be when I'm in bed?

Anytime! And you know, it’s the quest to sleep, looking for a way to fall asleep easily that keeps sleep from happening! So the best is to do these two things: 1. Befriend wakefulness When you’ve had trouble sleeping, the brain starts thinking that being awake is bad, that it’s a problem, that it’s a foe. When you start doing things that are enjoyable, you show the brain that being awake is ok. Then it no longer pushes you to find ways to sleep, and it allows sleep to happen. 2. Go timeless Make a point of not knowing what time it is. Also try to resist the urge to know how long you’ve been awake or how much there’s left until the morning. This is a very powerful way of letting go of control. And when you no longer look for a way to sleep, when you no longer try to control sleep, when you’re fine with being awake or asleep, then those zzzs that have been escaping will come your way!

Hi DC, Thanks so much for being in touch and you know, I think there’s so much we can learn from sleep that applies to pain or recovery as well. Now on the specific question of medications, I think what matters is how we think about things. If we think of a medication the same way we think of a vitamin - something we take as an act of self love, something we won’t ascribe progress to (when it comes to sleep all progress comes from you, from the inside!), without any criticism, something we would be fine taking indefinitely, then there’s no problem. Because there’s no friction, it’s just an act of self care.

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you Daniel, this makes sense and I know you’ve explained it before so it’s a helpful reminder. I was doing very well just before the setback a few weeks ago. If you don’t mind me asking a quick followup: the setback led to a state of hyperarousal which has led to anxiety & racing thoughts at night and from there insomnia. So taking anything would be for the purpose of reducing this hyperarousal in order to sleep better. My understanding is that that would not be the right intention. If we are experiencing hyperarousal, how do we deal with that? Just by observing it?

Anytime!! So glad it made sense and you know, I can see you have so much insight which is fantastic! I see things like this as well, that anything we do to escape hyperarousal makes it stronger because it’s a signal. So here’s I think a real nice explanation with some practical tips! - Our brains communicate with us using various signals. Worry thoughts are signals intended to make us safe from a potential threat. Anxiety is a signal that there’s something we should look out for that may potentially hurt us. Pain signals to us that we are getting hurt and we should do something to avoid harm. All our emotions and physical sensations are signals. Now there’s never anything wrong with the signal itself. For example if someone is afraid of spiders, the fear is totally appropriate, because the brain thinks that there’s a real threat. Now what happens often however is that we start looking at the signals as the problem, not seeing that it’s the confusion that is what we should look at! For example, we may start to think that anxiety (a signal) is something that we shouldn’t have so much of. Then what happens is that we try to get away from this signal, which to the brain means… we aren’t hearing the signal! What does the brain do when we aren’t hearing? It sends more of the signal! Now the question becomes this - the signals often are very unpleasant (which is of course the point!) so how to have less signal? It’s to show the brain that we hear the signal. We do this by being willing to experience the discomfort without judgement, without trying to make it stop, just acknowledging it without action. When the brain sees that we are hearing the signal, it stops signaling! So how can we listen in practical reality? Here are three ways! 1 Thought download Write your thoughts and feelings down for 10 minutes daily at a specific time. With no intention but to show the brain we are listening. This can really give the brain an outlet and you can find that it starts postponing warning you until this time. 2 Going there in the mind Imagine the scenario the brain is trying to warn you about. This is a bit scary, but really shows that you’re listening! For example if the brain says “what if I you get fired?” then you can imagine this in detail. The call from your boss, leaving the work place etc. When we are willing to experience something if even just in our minds, then the brain sees that we listen. 3 The Aha method I think this is very practical and effective. When you have a stressful thought you go “Aha! My brain is trying to warn be about losing my job. I see what’s happening here” or “Aha! My bear is racing, that’s normal and expected when there’s some fear!” Literally any thoughts or emotions or physical sensations of hyperarousal can be met with an “Aha!”. It’s a very practical way of listening. - Did this make sense DC?

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you daniel! This is very helpful. I love the aha tool. So useful. If you find that you’re waking up around roughly the same time every night and then in and out of sleep for the remainder, is that sort of residual hyperarousal that will just fade on it’s own?

Anytime! So glad it makes sense 😊 And yes, that’s exactly how I see it. Some residual hyperarousal that fades when we are ok with having some residual hyperarousal and choppy sleep the latter part, yes!

Hi Keith, You know, the way we look at things like this is that cold or heat or any discomfort can create sleep disruption, but not insomnia. Not the self perpetuating struggle, that is created by fear of being awake.

Hi RVA, Sorry to hear you had trouble for this long. But do you know that many many many in this community have the same experience with CBT. Problem is basically that anything with an attempt to control sleep leads to more struggle. And CBT is very focused on trying to control sleep. Listen to the success stories in the success stories playlist what you find in the description. I think you’ll find a lot there that can be really helpful and hear stories about other people that have been where you are now!

Hi How’s your sleep now?

Hi Dwyt, sorry to hear but, I think you can learn a bunch on this channel that will help! Go to any new video and check the description. There you’ll find links to several playlists. Check the one on SFi and the one on hypnic jerks, I think those are great starting points. Hang in there!

Hope you’re better.

How are you now

Hi Lucci! I know Coach Michael will talk about your comment later today - I hope this will be very helpful. I always want to say that when anybody is worried about their health, they have to talk to their doctor! This said, there’s nothing unusual or strange about what you describe here! When somebody is hyper aroused, which means that they are in this heightened level of awareness and alertness, all kinds of bizarre things can happen. You will have vivid dreams, you will wake up often. Sometimes it will feel like time skips ahead. Sometimes he will have fast breathing and palpitations. Sometimes you will have jerks and tingling’s. Sometimes he will have tinnitus. Sometimes your eyes will hurt. All kinds of things happen when we are in the hyper arousal state. Now the confusing thing is that the desire to understand what’s happening, wondering what is going on, looking for a solution, trying things to change sleep, all that attention is what is driving the hyper arousal! In other words, it’s the problem solving that is the problem. When someone says OK I understand, I’m just anxious and that is what’s causing all of this then they are in a position where they can start learning. And when they learn about sleep and insomnia, they worry less. And when they worry less, they were less hyper aroused. And then good sleep starts happening! I think if you spend some time looking through the videos here and the playlists you will learn a lot that will be super helpful. Also tune in to the episode tonight and let us know what you thought!

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 you’re a godsend. ❤️

@@shaanmax1721 The best way to stop... never start... hang in there Shaan and thanks a bunch for sharing 🙏

@@hectik5303 hey how u doing now

Hang in there Mohammed! You know it may seem impossible, but when you see that you can do things even after not having slept much or at all, then the fear starts fading. And then sleep happens a little easier. And then it’s easier to do things you like during the day. And soon the spiral is reversed and the struggle is over. You’ll get there!

Yes…it can be frustrating… but learning here I think can help. Hang in there

Hi Cara, Sorry to hear this has been happening but glad you found the channel. You know, I’m very happy to answer questions here in the comments. And if you’d like some more support, check out our website www.thesleepcoachschool.com and you can hopefully find an option that works for you. Hang in there! Oh and by the way, there are two playlists that I think are great places to start: This is natto - the perfect place to start learning! kzfaq.info/sun/PL6RQ1GS7B1cik8Xr8iVdxmKB9FYieevYj Success stories - if you need hope and inspiration, this is for you. kzfaq.info/sun/PL6RQ1GS7B1cj68v9hdoXYv_fpOR65oI3U

Thanks for the info Daniel. I’m very anxious when it comes to sleep. Mostly because I think about the harms of sleep deprivation one of which is premature aging.

Anytime Cara, and you know… there are so many myths out there… reality is that there’s no evidence at all that sleep deprivation causes premature aging, oh and sleep deprivation is completely different from insomnia as well. Check out Talking insomnia #58 with Betul, she talks about how people didn’t even know she struggled. Insomnia insight 388 can also help, it’s about appearance insomnia!

Thanks Daniel will definitely check the vids out

Hi, I do think it’s sad that this idea exists that inner struggles are different. If we saw they are one I think it could really help so many

Ashley! When you never feel sleepy it’s because of hyperarousal, sometimes it’s sudden and sometimes persistent.. check out episode 330!