A casual to a serious relationship? I started seeing a woman I met on a dating site before lockdown we went on a few dates. We got on well she was easy to talk to but things were very slow. This was fine with but kinda got thinking she wasn’t interested in a sexual relationship. Anyway after about date 3/4 like the rest of the world we went onto lockdown so we stopped seeing each other but we kept in contact, messaging a few times a week, just friendly stuff. When we were allowed out again we met up a couple of times things started to progress in the relationship and we slept together. However just before we were about to do the deed for the first time she told me she’d never slept with anyone before. I was a bit taken by surprise (we are both in our early 30’s) and I had no idea. I felt a bit of pressure as I’ve never taken someone’s virginity before, but It was a positive experience and I really respected her honesty and openness. I also understood now why things had been going so slowly. Anyway things progressed and we continued to see each other and it was great however at the time I didn’t want anything too serious. So after a month or two of us sleeping together I felt it was the right thing to be honest and explain that I wanted to keep things casual. She was on board with this and on the same page as me and we continued seeing each other, Great! Anyway skip a couple of months ahead an we’re still spending time together on a casual basis and I feel I need to check in with her and see if she is still ok with our casual arrangement. However this time she feels she wants something more serious as she’d like to be in a position to start a family in the next few years so wants to give herself the best chance of doing that. So we had a chat and I maintained that I still wasn’t ready for a serious relationship right now and wanted to experience different types of relationship (attempt to clear my sexual debt) before settling down. It was all a very functional discussion without any drama (a pleasant novelty in my experience) and we decided to stay in contact as friends and we would give each other some space for a couple of weeks before getting in contact. This was just over three weeks ago and I had quite a bit of time to reflect on the situation and discuss with friends. Part of my reasoning for not feeling ready was that I’d had two failed long term relationships in the past 7 years where I had been living with my partner and both times towards the end I always felt like I had that sexual itch to scratch and felt a bit trapped as result. The relationship’s ended, people got hurt and I didn’t want to make the same mistake again so felt I needed to get it out of my system. A good friend of mine came to visit and we discussed this and he said to me quite frankly that that urge doesn’t ever go away, no matter how much you scratch it and this has also been reinforced by watching some of your content to. So I’ve reconciled that I now do not wish to waste time in meaningless short term relationships as it won’t help me get to where I want to be in life. So I message her and see if she is about at the weekend for a catch-up (three weeks after we decide to stop seeing eachother). I suggest we go for a walk so we can talk more freely. I proceed to explain that I think I’ve made a mistake and that I actually do now want something more serious and if she wanted to try then I would like to carry on seeing her on a more serious basis. I went on to explain my thought process about scratching the itch and thinking I need to get this out of my system and that I now don’t believe this. Anyway she said she wasn’t able to give me an answer right away which I wasn’t expecting as she is an intelligent person. On the face of it I’ve just completely changed my mind out of the blue (which is of course true but for genuine reasons) and It has probably put her on the spot and she wasn’t expecting it. I can also see that what I have said can come across as disingenuous or at least quite unstable and has probably scared her off. She told she spoke to her friend who suggested that she’s putting up walls to stop her getting too close and protecting herself from getting hurt which I have seen evidence of also in our relationship. I think she is a high quality woman, she’s very intelligent, modest, calm and level headed, kind and we have good sexual chemistry. I think there is potential for a great long term relationship with her. I’m just not sure where to go from here really and I would appreciate your take on the situation. See My Response Here: www.patreon.com/alexandergrace

2 years divorced here. I second every single word of this video. Used to cook, clean and fix everything in my house. Never even looked to any other women. She left.

This actually explains a lot why women lose interest in good guys and chase chads.

"give your woman the gift of insecurity" - Kevin Samuels

Surprisingly women say that they want a guy honest to them, who won’t lie, who won’t cheat. But at the same instant when the guy proves to be safe and makes them comfortable they get bored of him and start to chase somebody else.

All these is giving me a relationship headache. At the end of day a guy just wants to come home relax and calm his brain. And not start another real life drama. It begs the question whether relationship is really worth it at the end. Even you might do everything or less it still might not work out.

Comfortable turns into laziness, remember

They may want to be uncomfortable, but we don't. If I wanted to be uncomfortable, I would go to Afghanistan.

,,Unconditional loyalty is not respected by women." As a man I find this notion totally repulsive. It makes me puke.

"The Best Relationship is the One where the Women is a Slight bit insecure like when she knows she does not have him fully locked on" "Relationship is not always 50-50 it's 60-40 with the guy taking more of the responsibility" - Patrice 'O' Neal These 2 Sentences changed my game with Women... A Pimp Gone too Soon💔🙏

"Comfort Kills Attraction!"

This is so true!! I can talk by experience. My ex gf hated me because I was some sort of Ass..hole to her. She started chasing me, I use to hike all over the USA, without knowing me for that long she volunteered to come alongside. Obviously that was the moment she jumped into me. 4 years later we were having a fight, and she told me. I remember when you use to be you, you were so independent, not afraid of telling people to fU off, you had balls, that was the day I lost her respect. One year and six months later, I can tell you that everything this gentleman is saying is 100%. Great channel, great video. Thank you

We've been conditioned to love women unconditionally, without holding them accountable for their actions, that's why she hits you with 'we should take a break', 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' or 'you deserve better'.

Pay attention guys, Alex built this blanket fortress specifically for this video!

My girlfriend of 2 years now, on our first date she wanted me to take her home instantly after picking her up and turning the corner of her house, she said she was too nervous to be around me but I calmed her down and continued with our date and we have 2 years together now, I showed her this video and she laughed because it’s true

If it flies, floats or fucks; rent don't buy.

In my experience, woman does not want happiness & comfort; rather, she wants to feel the spectrum of emotions, happiness & comfort being only a small part.

If she gets too comfortable her true personality comes out

Tired for years in my 20s to understand women because I wanted someone to spend the rest of my life with and now that I understand everything and have all the tools needed I realized I want nothing to do with them.

I think a good analogy here would be video games. If you let the woman play on easy mode or even cheat mode and give her everything at the start, then the game becomes boring. Crank up the difficulty to dark souls level fellows, don't let her get comfortable.

Everything is in reverse mode with women. WOmen are happy when they are unhappy. It takes you years to learn. Stop giving them what they want and you become interesting, attrаctive, someone with a personality they wanna uncover. Switch over to Mr Nice Guy and they're bored and gone in no time.

Straight up, man. I think you're one of the most important content creators out there. At least for me, because watching your content made me a better man. You give me hope, man. I can't thank you enough.

Patrice O Neal the fish Analogy As men even in a relationship never loose the ability to catch fish, cause that is what will keep her in check & on her toes - let still her smell "fish" on you 😆😆 R.I.P Patrice O neal, you will Never be Forgotten

She must feel competition anxiety, or the relationship will not work. She must feel jealous from time to time and man should have the will to leave if she misbehaves. She can't lust for you if she knows you got no other options. Even the option, having no girl is still a viable option, because it shows: I prefer having no girl instead wasting my time and energy with this toxic relationship.

I cannot emphasize how true this is. My soon-to-be-ex-wife is a PERFECT example. When we first married and moved in together, she would wake up early with me to make me breakfast. As a stay at home mom, she would make me lunch everyday and dinner was waiting for me when I got home from work. That lasted about a week. I began making us breakfast shakes and I'd leave hers on her night stand. I started making my own lunch and began buying takeout about 2 nights a week. Since she didn't work, I worked 6 days a week while going to school full-time to pursue my masters degree and hustle to build a side business. She became soooooooooo complacent. She made coming home mentally and emotionally stressful, gaslighting me and blaming me for her unhappiness. I bought her gifts, paid for weekend getaways with her friends, everything to make her happy. Nothing worked. At marriage counciling, she made me out to be the bad guy. It was so terrible that she had both the councillor and myself believing that I needed serious help. She ended up going back home to her friends and family up north for most of the summer while I went to marriage counciling by myself. It was those last sessions that I realized I was dealing with a narcissistic woman. So I left her just as she instructed me to in one of our last disagreements. My reward was her blasting me on Bookface, telling everyone that I abandoned her and broke up our kids out of nowhere. She left out the part that I paid for all her insurances for a year and a half and stayed married to her so she could get a military discount on tuition to FINALLY do something with her life. Never. Again. A comfortable woman is a recipe for disaster.

Absolutely true, absolutely shocked coz it happened with me it's hundred percent true video,word to word.i was in a relationship and she used to tell me she felt so comfortable around me and the next thing happened was she dumped me.in a snap out of nowhere,I was like what the hell happened,I was broke, scattered and confused...

This is true, I was always there for this one girl, i was always there when she needed someone to talk to and there was this other dude who according to her ignored her and only talked to her when they are together guess who she ended up making out with... Yup and guess who she got mad at when they moved on... Yup. I used to think these videos are stupid but after a few relationships i gotta say, man is spitting facts.

Comfort = boring, uncomfort = exciting, therefore wanted.

my sister and her husband came to visit my parents this week end. her husband looked beat, after only one year of marriage. i saw them at the grocery store one time and she was leading and he was behind following. i knew from day one that the guy was a weak man, but he has money so he's the perfect target

*ALSO GUYS:* You *MUST* meet your own standards! If you have standards of HER, yet you don't meet those standards yourself... then it's inevitably going to fail. So NO FAKING and NO HIPOCRISY with your standards. She'll get tired of it always being HER that has to perform while you laze about. *BE your standards* and help her to achieve the same. Good luck! 😎

Exactly like companies sneaking up your bills every year for your 'loyalty'. Until you tell them Bye 👋

This explains exactly what happened with my last girlfriend and why she started acting up and just making things difficult. Thanks Alex 👍

Yep, I've been there too. She was uncomfortable to begins with, very nice, trying to help and please me. She then got comfortable and started the moaning and all that. And I fell for it, I was trying to "make things better" and she would become even worse. Then, I just got so fed up and told her she became a liability to my life and career(I'm a business person, very driven and ambitions, and she knows this, and I speak to her in those terms) and that we're done. She instantly became that nice girl... to the point where she said she can't see marrying anybody else but me. But it was too late for her then, I already put an end to it all. As they say in Britain, you need to "keep her on her toes".

“B*tch don’t get too comfortable” - Future

I'm terrified of relationships because of this channel. 😭😭😭

I don't really care about all these theories. I am just going to be a good person who cares about others. Whoever wants to join me for the ride is welcome, who does not, is also fully free to leave.

But how do you do this as soon you have kids and are married? Is this even possible?

Boy, you are a genious. Wish i knew your channel sooner bro. Cheers from Brazil 🇧🇷💚

Comfortable is my base state. If people don't want that and desire their stupid rollercoasters, gtfo.

Feels like to stay desirable is to: 'let go' of expectations, have other interests/priorities in life, and maintain boundaries.

month ago I got into a fight with my GF due to a lack of intimacy. she said that we're getting too further away from each other (and that is true for both of us) but then I remind her that "I'm the who ask for on the date , I the one start the contact her, I'm the one who offer her a ride home right now" IF I keep being the ONLY person to initiate all these intimacies, then I would lose the motivation to do so. she realizes her mistake that day. the last we been on a date, she pays for our lunch.

That title and thumbnail had me in tears. Good stuff, Alexander.

That's why I abandoned the mother of my kids. When I was nice to her, she treated me like garbage. When I treated her like garbage, she was nice to me. She was my last attempt, all of them are like this. No exceptions.

If you respect yourself and let your feelings known, and set boundaries, this shouldn't be a problem. If she treats you terrible, let it be known and discuss it. If it continues even after letting this known in a honest and respectful manner, she's not worth it. You just saved yourself time, money, and grief. Don't ever be a people pleaser. By that, don't do things that make you feel uncomfortable. This is your life and your happiness. The moment you know that, the easier life becomes. It's probably one of the hardest lessons to learn for a lot of people and that is having self respect. Very important. Anybody who has ever gone through a divorce or break up with a friend or SO know this 100% after they've learned to love themselves.

“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.” Al Capone (I can completely relate to this)

never let people get comfortable in general

You sound like Patrice but more academic, concise, and polite. Excellent video. This is spot on.

You're a legend, love the simple backdrop and not trying to look too cool!. Info amazing too

oh i get it now, cople yers ago, since our relationship turn colder, i prepare to break up, and gave her reduced amount of comfort only when she did things that makes me happy, but not always, just make her keep guessing, then her female friend proudly told me that she hate me because she have to admit that she had been in happiest relationship in her life, it kinda work tho, i dont understand women.

As a woman, i need my man to be my masculine counterpart who sets boundaries the second I'm too much of a brat, however, i really need to feel safe. For me, safety means loyalty, emotional fulfilment, physical and sexual fulfilment, knowing where i stand in the relationship, not being able to be bitchy all day everyday without consequences, and that my partner is fulfilled, safe and happy too. If a man makes me feel jealous because he's not grounded and all over the place, i will not stay. Anyway, intuitively you will know if you are safe in a relationship (man or woman) if you just learn to listen.

I think this is the most intellectual honest & practically useful one I have ever come across.

Man, you are brilliant. I wish content like this was available when I was younger. You really are doing a great public service, keep up the great work!

This is very true. My last relationship, the girl was pushing me very fast to commit, trying every way she could. I never gave in. Eventually, didn't work out for other reasons. But the point is, indeed her attraction for me was through the roof. And she did everything I wanted her to do in the bedroom.

Plot twist:- He is Brother of pornstar Alexa Grace and it's her who's telling him all the secrets of female nature

It’s so accurate what you say

Ah, although this video does apply to a lot of women, just remember it doesnt apply to ALL. I'd imagine feeling comfortable first is a great sign for women who've undergone truama, are more socially anxious etc. I see too many men just over generalise women into one negative category when really, thats just people as a whole. A lot of men play the exact same games, and a lot of people hate these types of games. This i think is the problem with these kinds of communities, that although these KZfaqrs do discuss very real patterns in social behaviour, the audience interprets them as a constant and universal rule when it isnt. Its a pattern, not a rule. And some people deviate from the social standard.

In my opinion, this is by far your best video.

The more videos Alex makes on women, the less desirable women become, regardless of if they're high quality or not.

This is some truth here for damn sure. Very insightful.

Wow you just perfectly described my situation 3 years ago, the accuracy is so on point that it hurts

"Her comfort is not a gift that you can give. It is only something that she can claim for herself by independently choosing to meet your standards." -Alexander Grace

They will create drama and problems when there are none in most any situation.

Thank you, Alexander for the advice.

Couldn't agree more. Actually had that happen to me in my 20's. Good content!

You can tell when she's got too comfortable.. her personality changes, she might give you attitude or stop laughing at your jokes so much. Remind her she ain't sh*t and can be replaced

Ain't no rest for the wicked...

Alex, thanks for the content. Explains why I was always terrible at dating. I shall go and reflect.

This came in a precise moment for me, Thank you Alexander.

This is true. I have lost all the chicks in my life in a pathetic way when I treated them equally but nice. I was the you are too good to me guy. When I treated them equally but strict or even a bit jerky they were always willing to cooperate and please me. Like instead of behaving denying and bitchy they suddenly started to value happenings around us. Simple things like having time to go shopping together going for an outing. Beforehand these were nightmares and they wanted to fight over nuances (I drive my own car and they started nagging about how I drive and how far I park from the poles or walls) and they were defending their standpoint even though they knew they were wrong. When I treated them like a roller coaster (sometimes as a fully developed asshole and sometimes as a prince charming) then they were having their best times, being relaxed and playful. Just make sure they don't get bored and also you should never be fully honest with them. Lying is a quintessential part of women. They can only bear the mental burden of truth and honesty for a certain level, and beyond that they'll fail to behave peaceful. So don't become an easily and completely known being to them. I am not proud of this but I went full dark side a few times and treated them poorly (only contacting them to have sex and then trying to throw them away) they became shamelessly, ridiculously and desperately clingy. WTF? I guess it's something like in economics. Free stuff is considered low quality and the one we have to put time, effort, money in is a worthy thing. Like a trophy.

You ready my mind. I literally thought this yesterday.

Right on time this time Alexander!

Awesome video! I promisse to sped this knowledge in all our community

Damn. This guy speaks the truth. Personally back this up with 25+ years of relationships. Have to say though, this instinct is broken nowadays. It could be because it's too ease to do branch swinging these days...

OMG It’s so true! I haven’t understood that pretty much until I watched this video... I actually have an example from my life. My ex always did everything I asked him and I never really respected him, I thought, that no matter what I would do, he would always be with me (If I did something wrong of course I felt bad, I have conscience, but he never addressed that is hurt) Sometimes I had a feeling that I cared about his boundaries more than he did. And even before we started dating I was very tired of him because he was too clingy and I didn’t have a personal space even while being friends with him. Eventually we broke up and I fell for a guy and he has been very ambiguous towards me. I was never sure (and still not sure) what he feels towards me. One day he would flirt with me and give a peck, the next day he would say, that my jokes are dumb and he wouldn’t talk to me. I literally have been chasing him xdxdxd The next time we will have a party, I really want to ask his close friend about me, so my sudden confession wouldn’t push him away and just in case I can still be friends with him, he is honestly very clever and I respect him. Wish me luck:) The first guy was very masculine outside, but the second one has pretty, almost feminine appearance and interests and pretty masculine personality :) Sorry for typos, hi from Russia 🇷🇺🪆

This is absolutely amazing, thank you a lot for this awesome and deep advice!

This is great stuff. Thanks Alexander

It's so ironic that women claim to hate being objectified, when in reality, if you don't objectify them like they're some animal that you own, they lose interest in you.

Are you in a fortune teller's tent?

You are right. I have seen it in my own relationships. Thanks Alexander.

Your videos are always a smash, Alex! Thanks.

Is this filmed in fortune teller's tent? ;)

Dude, I'm digging your blanket fort! Lol, great vid.

I’ve never commented before but watch nearly all your videos and you are exceptionally awesome! this vid was absolutely on point, thank you!

In short, you won't feel rewarded if you didn't worked hard for something. People get bored if they have everything easy.

Bit of an off topic response here. But after watching your videos for the past 2 weeks, i went out this weekend and got chatting to two girls after the club closed. After a fun 10 minute conversation with them both, i asked them, so, do you have boyfriends? one of them turned around to me and said "No i don't, I'm single! " her friend then turned around to me and said, "She does have a BF, she's just lying" After she said that i thought of all of your videos that you've made about why women get bored of their BF's and many other topics you talk about... So i decided to ask her, i bet the reason why you're willing to to meet with other guys and say you're single is because your boyfriend is too needy & weak and you feel too comfortable with him, right?. She looked at me in surprise, and said, "Yes! how did you know that?! LOL It's funny because this isn't something that i would ever have thought of prior to watching your videos. thanks to these video's Alex, it's actually given me a huge reality check and a much better understanding!

Good advice Alex. And absolutely correct.

Thanks for this one man. Great advice.

Hey, Alexander! I was wondering if you're planning on releasing a book with all or most important relationship advice (same content as these videos, but in a condensed way) Really appreciate the content! :)

Recently subscribed and I love your content Alexander 🔥💪🏾💪🏾❄️

Very well said ! Worth listening to many times !

Lap dog oh my God LOL. This video is so accurate, I should know.

You don't have to be mean, but call her out when she messes up, remember your prorities, speak your mind and only do what you're comfortable with, even if it hurts her...and don't send flowers.

This attitude of insecurity is the opposite of what a high quality woman (but does they exist?) have to do, am I right?

This is so much wisdom

I LOVE YOU BRO!

You must have standards for oneanother! My advice is: No cohabitation, no marriage, no children and safe sex! Do not take oneanother for granted! Always be on your purpose, do not prioritate the relationship!

I love how any woman around, any feminists will dismiss this fact ...and this, this is why you can't trust what a woman says about relationship, because there are 2 things , what she honestly believes, and what she actually does ( not in a conscious way ). Of course if you talk with her about that, she will think you accuse her of not being sincere, and she is sincere, but she lacks the ability to understand how she actually works. All women will promise everything one day, and the other day, they will break their promise without any problem. Because " they"ve changed" ...bam...again, never ever trust what a woman says.

This makes a lot of sense. Great vid

im digging this guys pillow fort videos

I got an ad that was just alexs frozen face