No Redemption Necessary: How Scapegoat Survivors Stop Fixing Themselves

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Jay Reid - Recovery from Bad Childhoods

Жыл бұрын

In today's video, let's look at the reasons why a scapegoat child may feel in need of redemption. Usually, the 'flaws' they are seeking to fix are not really their own. Rather they have had to identify with what their narcissistic parent disavows - the parent's core sense of worthlessness.
The child who is broken but fixable has hope in an otherwise hopeless situation.
Lastly, let's discuss how survivors can find it safe enough to surrender to the pursuit of redemption and start living their best lives in the present.
If you want to learn more about this topic as it relates to your survival as a narcissistic abuse survivor, grab your FREE copy of my ebook, Surviving Narcissistic Abuse as the Scapegoat today 👉 lp.jreidtherapy.com/optin?utm...
For a more structured and comprehensive guidance to your healing journey, plus access to a supportive community that truly understands what you’re going through, join my Map to Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse Course.
Click HERE 👉 lp.jreidtherapy.com/narcissis...
#jayreid #jayreidpsychotherapy

Пікірлер: 225

@sbp3967 Жыл бұрын

There is a voice inside me that constantly says "there is something wrong with you"

@kimberlymccracken747 Жыл бұрын

When I began to awaken, I was SCREAMING "There's nothing WRONG with me!!" and "I deserve better!!"

@ErikMore Жыл бұрын

This is so true. I have a huge inferiority complex and feel the need to be really successful. I really need to find safe people but I don't know how. A person can really get run down by people.

@kimlec3592 Жыл бұрын

Keep being gentle as possible with yourself. I know how hard this is to do.

@joelrotiago3308 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for all your help. God sent your words to me. It's been seven months of daily self therapy via you and other KZfaq videos. God will invite you into Heaven for how you help His children who were hurt and abused by narcissistic parents. I've decided to leave my mother and family so I can recover my physical health and sanity.

@martialmusic Жыл бұрын

As infants if we were lucky we had many “you are a beautiful baby” experiences. And as we became older toddlers and then a few more years, hopefully we continued having peak experiences at times based in the love of our parents. But sometimes narcissistic parents are jealous of these and deny them to us, leaving us narcissistically wounded. What this therapy that Mr Reid is doing here is permitting us to experience these feelings here, again, and now. They are called peak experiences by Abraham Maslow. That is why they are healing. Each of us inside has a beauty spot. And we are allowed to love ourselves there and ignore past instructions that we could not. We were taught we were not good enough. That was an error, sometimes accidental, sometimes malicious, on the part of others. We are as worthy of love as anyone (but we do have to take adult responsibility for our own mistakes and misbehaviors.) We are no better than others. No worse. But that makes us equally worthy and deserving of love in the world of infantile feelings.

@matilda4406

the parent both "needs and reviles" the scapegoat child. Horrible way to grow up. ps. Freckles on kids is SO cute

@stephanieschafer7310

Why do narcissists have such an obsession with family table attacks and “table manners.” For me it wasn’t freckles, it was my acne.

@summersled5635

In my experience, envy is the driving force behind scapegoating, compelling the narcissistic to drive the goodness out of you. "Take that smile off your face," is one of the frequent comments I heard growing up. Underneath that comment lay a need to extinguish the joy in the child. So heartbreaking is the need to destroy the beauty in another rather than celebrating and honouring that goodness.

@mysticsuzi Жыл бұрын

OMG been trying to fix my broken self since I got here! and my feet are big, my nose is not right , I am always too fat no matter what, and my hair is dry all according to my sister and my father. Also, I had a bad attitude starting at 2. 5 years according to my mom and I was always up on some High Horse. These people can all suck it, with love. I left them behind, no forwarding address, so I can get to know and LOVE my wonderful self and leave those critics to their own miserable devices. And yes, I was the pleaser and the fixer so now they just have to turn on each other. BTW, our imperfections are the things that make us MOST endearing, and MOST lovable by god and those who love us here. Thank you JAY for creating this community.

@dancinginthepurplereign4126 Жыл бұрын

It really is heartbreaking to think I've lived in self loathing for decades.

@markartist8646 Жыл бұрын

Pete Walker's CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving is extremely helpful for survivors of parental narcissistic abuse.

@soniahathaway1 Жыл бұрын

Its so freeing when you get to see yourself as worth more, and escape from Narcissistic families, friends and partners.

@out4dinner478 Жыл бұрын

I can't believe other people were going through the same thing I was. I really thought I was the only one. I spent years "knowing for a fact" I was just not good enough ( a huge amount of shame involved) . Never going out into groups, because I knew for a fact I would never measure up. but at the same time having to fake trying to be as great as the parent claimed to be.

@betlea8070 Жыл бұрын

53yrs old and finally free. Mum was NPD. She was also Munchausen.

@taniabluebell3099 Жыл бұрын

Thank you, Jay. Your ability to describe the parent and why they choose the scapegoat allows me to travel to moments in time when I had interactions with my mother. I can picture her justifying why I was the worthless one. She wouldn’t use the word “wordless” per say, but she dismantled my character, relegating me to someone I didn’t recognize.

@queenofscots839 Жыл бұрын

Unbelievable how Jay can describe the nuances so very clearly… thank you

@charlottemacdonald4167 Жыл бұрын

I think needing for redemption came about by my father's disdain for the feminine. My sister, brother and I always felt there was something missing in our approach to things because it wasn't my father's, which was focused pretty much solely on hyper-masculine values. He was a workaholic and rarely if ever, enjoyed just hanging out with us; or relating to us.. There was just this void. like a father placeholder, but no father, adn if there was he was a vahicle for disapproval. There was always thsi feeing that we weren't doing something right, but we did not now what it was.

@matilda4406

"his therapist was not threatened by (improved) changes in him", unlike his parent. Important relationships should not hinge on him not liking himself. Simple but profound. Having to actually fathom this means that much of the human race has sunk to such deprivation levels

@beedaffy Жыл бұрын

Yes, Dr. Reid, you are a genuine gift, with a priceless and life-saving message. Unlike my cousin, who died as a direct result of being relentlessly narcissistically abused, I have been fortunate to survive. You have helped so many of us find validation and self-esteem, after a lifetime of such horrible treatment. Your insight is invaluable... As mentioned before, I would love to hear you address the family dynamic among siblings, in families headed by a narc (or two). THANK YOU.