Hmm. I’d rather be assumed male than assumed female, but I’ll admit... masking up for this pandemic had been like traipsing around in fucking candy land because people have just resorted to saying “Ma’am? Sir? I’m sorry?” and it’s the absolute best.

I started medical transition because I’m nonbinary. It did shift strangers from seeing one binary to the other, but in spite of the ‘automatic’ nature of strangers gendering you in that framework, there’s a lot more hesitation and less firm assignments when there are multiple layers you can make visible. And if they pick ‘he’ anyway, it feels less like being imprisoned in the same box I was born into and more like I’m pulling a little joke on them by looking like a boy and it’s amusing that they’ve fallen for it with so little effort on my behalf to look masculine. I may have switched from practically-only-ever-she to practically-only-ever-he, but the difference between how you’re perceived as a “woman” wearing pants and a “man” wearing a skirt is immense. It’s so hard to ever truly break a gender norm when societally assigned to womanhood. Even a full tuxedo doesn’t come off as breaking gender rules for this day and age, it’s seen as women being playful. It’s so easy to break gender norms as a “man”. Just wear pink, have long hair, crochet, drink fancy colorful drinks, it’s so easy. Doing any three feminine-ish things concurrently while bearded immediately flags you in this structured system as doing binary masculinity ‘wrong’. Failing out of the gender system is currently pretty much the closest thing there is right now to breaking out of it. I don’t regret any part of starting hormones. I love every physical change, even the ones I thought I wasn’t going to like. My body reflects my self now. I still bear the unavoidable hallmarks of going through female puberty, I still have the wide hips and the breasts. But now they’re covered with body hair, my chest hair outstrips many cis men, and the net result is a very androgynous body. My face is round, my eyes are large, and I have a full beard. Androgynous. My voice is deep, but I never did any training to make it less soft, so that too is androgynous. Everything I’ve gained from my medical transition makes me more myself, more at home in my skin, and freer to exist naturally. You’re right that you shouldn’t take transition steps you don’t want to appease anyone else. However, I think you’re painting with a wide and inaccurate brush in assuming that most nonbinary people wouldn’t fully want the secondary sex characteristics hormones give them for their own reasons. Hormones are not a light switch that flips your body to the other gender even if other people tend to break it up that way. The body on HRT has mixed sex characteristics and if anything that would be more desirable as a nonbinary person than binary trans. Plus it’s not like you -have- to keep the traits you get from hormones, whether it’s from puberty or from HRT. If you grow breasts you hate, mastectomy still does exist. If you grow facial hair you don’t want, laser and electrolysis. It would be expensive and painful, yes, but being trans frequently involves some expense and pain in the pursuit of a body you truly love living in. There’s no reason to ‘sour grapes’ everything about hormonal transition because you aren’t pumped for certain aspects. That would be like blocking puberty for any kids who aren’t super excited to start having hair and body odor, it’s understandable to be anxious, but it also stalls out your life progression to not allow yourself to grow into the full human being you were meant to be. Don’t transition for anyone but yourself, but do take every transition step you have a deep internal longing for and embrace all your needs. Transition is not for making you into a gender, transition is for making you happy as yourself.

“You are kind of being a revolutionary.” WE HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT OUR CHAINS

I’m non-binary and started medically transitioning early after figuring this out about myself. I’ve been Microdosing estrogen for around two years now and I’m starting to realize that I actually want to transition more. That the only reason I didn’t want some of the effects because I was scared of them socially. But when I think about what I would want my body to look like it turns out, it looks like a woman lol

it took me many years to figure this one out for myself. Best is to self examine very carefully and assume nothing until you are sure. Do not let yourself be affected by societal expectation.

being nonbinary transfeminine is so confusing like i still question im actually just a woman but then i get so scared idk

I am non-binary and I plan to go on low dose testosterone. I must admit that part of the reason is also my wish from at least not being constantly referred to as female and more often as male (which feels better most of the time but still not right), but I also feel dysphoric about my body and really wish to have it appear more masculine. I feel like I have to try hormones because if I didn't I would never know for certain if this is something that makes me happier, but I also know that I need to allow myself to go off again if I cannot cope with certain changes (especially facial hair). I feel like if I never tried, I would spend my whole life asking myself "But what if...?".

Edna mode

She looks like edna from the incredibles

I've been nonbinary my entire life, but only recently have come to terms with it. In my heart, I kinda just... gave up and said, welp, I'm afab so guess I'm presenting femme. A big part of me died because I did that and I wish that the idea of nonbinary gender had been around when I was going through my first round of dysphoria when I was a teen. I guess later is better than never tho and changing my pronouns to they/them despite still presenting femme has really made me feel good. The pandemic and masks have been fantastic, I'm never going to take mine off again. It's just going to be a permanent part of my wardrobe! 😷

Tears

Im non binary as well but I feel whole actually taking low t..it just makes me feel balanced. Along with questioning upper surgery ..I just don't like when some folks make non binaries feel we can't take testerone or estrogen because we aren't trans enough which isn't true for all of us.

I consider myself NB, towards the more masculine side (I prefer he/him to they/them). I've had several people try to tell me I am just a trans man and I need to undergo medical transition immediately. I have resisted it for a couple reasons. Due to other medical conditions I have way more hair than the average woman and I can't imagine hair on my face, I know it's something I'd hate! I would go for T for the lower voice, but I've heard results are not controllable it's really an all or nothing kind of thing. So far I'm finding that socially transitioning, binding, and changing my hair/clothes has alleviated the majority of dysphoria. I've also discovered that there are voice exercises/training you can do to help lower your voice a bit. It doesn't seem as drastic as it would be with T, but that is an option that is helping me slightly. My facial features are fairly feminine, and I've tried using some contouring/makeup to help masculinize my face a little bit. My goal is to try to be as comfortable as possible without medical intervention. If it gets to the point I decide I need it, I can make that choice, but it's harder to reverse things that may be permanent.

You can be my gender therapist while I wait for one to actually find a slot for me :D

I appreciate this "warning" video. It actually strengthened me in my decision to continue my hormone therapy. I'm AMAB nonbinary. I'm not going to get surgery or have my beard removed. I might grow breasts and acquire some other feminine features (which is what I want!), but I will never be mistaken for a woman. Hopefully I will be seen as somewhere in between, defying the binary. Yay!

Dr Z - thank you. I would like to add a short story about myself on this topic as I think it may help some of the younger unicorns out there. I was born '72. Transgender was barely a thing. My first friend who ever came out as gay was at the age of 19. I have never really felt or thought of myself as female - and to my family, I carry the long-ago 'tomboy' title to this day. I am straight, and never really had an issue with my female form. In my 30's, married with 2 kids, I entered corporate work environment for the first time. For the first time in my life I was directly confronted on a daily basis with this societal bias re gender. Being an ardent, and at times militant feminist all my life, I viewed this as an equality of the sexes battle - joined in to the full! Up till then I had spent all my life in the hospitality industry, where this was never really an issue - traveled the world as a bartender, and kept that up till the age of 32. It took most of the next decade for me to understand that in a male dominated industry, no matter how good you are, how hard you work, you're never really equal. But it wasn't until my partner shared a comment with me that I really understood the way I see myself and the way the world sees me are 2 very different things. The comment? At a work event with partners, I had left a group conversation with him and male colleagues, and one turned around to him and said 'Man you should really get your wife under control - she is so pushy!'. And I was just being equal. I had considered breast reduction when younger, as they are sizable - so hyper feminized, but decided against it eventually as it was cosmetic, and I am also a big believer in medicine only as necessary - won't even have lasic. I am now entering menopause - which is great going forward, and am reconsidering the reduction. I am however an old-school hippy, so that and the feminism made a great cover for abandoning, from time to time, the feminine norms of shaving my legs and armpits. I also have 2 distinct styles of dress. Either skaterboy - very sloppy, baggy, non-gendered or manic pixie - colourful, hippy, more feminine. I had to adopt 'female corporate' dress on occasion and would spend entire days dressed like this, feeling like an alien skin had been slipped over my body. I am fortunate that my husband and I are both 'natural' orientated - he has no real love for the girly-girl so that works. Nowadays, I tend to shave rarely and only when I am having a feminine moment - it grows back in 2 weeks so no worries. I also frequently change my hairstyle, tending toward a short buzzcut - my features are rather masculine and with this hairstyle I do get mistaken for male when seated often enough to make it worth it. Sometimes butch lesbian - which is great to as I have made a number of queer friends that way. 😍 About a year ago, I seriously started to consider that I am actually non-binary rather than trans-male - which I did think for a few years until I realized my body did not bother me - rather the norms society was trying to make me fit into. And I am only about a month into saying it out loud, even to myself - although it has been in my head for 30 years. My only advice to anyone still reading - try your damnedest to just be you - and it is completely ok if you can't do that just yet, or if it takes a long time. I am not totally there yet either, ;) You are enough. 💜💜💜💜

This is so helpful! I really struggle with physically transitioning because I feel like I have to? I do identify as nonbinary transmasculine but not enough to go on T and look more "male" if that makes sense. I'd rather be seen as male than female but, NB feels better. Now it makes sense why I feel so stressed out. Thanks so much. 😂

at the beginning of my transition i felt pressed to take hormones, female name and pronouns and get a fully feminine identity. because i thought if i am not a cis man, i probably should be a trans woman. but somethings about medical transition was scared. at the time i don't wanted breasts or some like that. after the process of understanding that i am non binary, i felt more confortable to take hormones. today has been four months since i beggining HRT and i am more happier than ever with the little changes. in this whole time when i was afraid of starting HRT my biggest fear was "if i will not be passable?". and now i'm like "fuck that i don't want be assimilate or blending me in society, i simple don't give a fuck." and this is what i truly believe that makes me nonbinary. i don't want play an existent part, i want to burn the whole theatre.

People are often confused by my gender which makes me happy inside, until it's awkward. I've been asked if I'm a girl or a boy by children and even some adults. Neither feels correct. These videos are helping me accept myself slowly. I wish I could microdose testosterone but I don't want masculine traits, I just want to undo my feminine traits. My dysphoria got point that I developed anorexia at 13 to try and stop my body from changing. These days things are a lot easier, I've mostly made peace with my appearance. And my ED is under control :)

I feel all of LGBTQI community should move into one country....so everyone can Openly live just exactly the way they want😂 i know it's not practical... but i wish...it was

I’m non-binary, but also more masculine learning, I definitely want to get away from being perceived as female and I would like to have a more masculine body and voice but now you’ve made me a little nervous to start hormones. I mostly just want to enjoy wearing/doing feminine things without being seen as female so I want to look more masculine as I don’t mind being seen as a guy, even though I’d most like people to not know my gender/not assign me to a binary.

Thank you for this. Being nonbinary has been quite a struggle especially growing up and my parents/a big percentage of the world not really getting it but I will continue educating and fighting for a better tomorrow ! Elder trans that have come before us have faced a harder battle and I will continue fighting alongside them ✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿

Thank you for making this video. I identify as non-binary but have always been pretty happy with my body and the way I look. However, lately I’ve been feeling really frustrated that nobody else seems to perceive me as androgynous, and thinking about going on T just to be gendered as something other than a woman by strangers. It’s hard to feel like my identity is invisible, but your video made me feel seen and snapped me out of a harmful and reactionary line of thinking. I know who I am, and although existing that way is challenging, I ultimately know that I don’t need to change my body or how I look for anyone else.

It's a good warning to give to nonbinary people interested in HRT, but I honestly feel this would have been more helpful if it was a "don't do this, but here are alternatives for you." What do I do if microdosing hormones isn't it? How do I help my dysphoria as a nonbinary person? What's less dangerous but still effective in treating nonbinary dysphoria?

I’m amab nonbinary transfem, naturally very hairy with the hair type that makes it IMPOSSIBLE to shave or wax or any of that any part of my body other than my face without replacing hair with inflamed skin and ingrown hairs. I’ve never taken any kind of HRT. I find that no matter how feminine I dress or the amount of makeup or whatever style I present myself in, most folks refuse to get it. The minimal effort required is just so far beyond their absolute lack of human decency and consideration. That’s why after years of trying to maximize androgyny of how I look so others can see it and the only result being that I feel terrified for my life because a woman can wear anything a man can wear and get by with it, and any male-bodied person in anything feminine is still a joke or a performance to society at best or a threat at worst. I do not present for others anymore. I have a few places and people who truly get it, and when I’m in those spaces I revel in gender euphoria and basically stockpile that experience to hold me over until the next time I’m there. Thankfully my spouse sees me as the same person, entirely valid in my gender, if I’m in boy-drag, girl-drag, or squirrel-drag or naked as the day I was born. I wish more people could grasp that gender is NOT presentation and it is most certainly not a stranger’s perception and opinion thereupon.

I'm a trans women although its a very interesting topic. It sounds like its more difficult being non binary in alot ways!

This brings up a SUPER good point but there's an aspect of this that got buried I think Nonbinary folks should absolutely think super hard before medical transition about whether their dysphoria stems solely from how they're perceived or if it's also about their experience of their bodies. For myself, I know what I want to see in the mirror. That makes me feel very confident about my decision to get top surgery and to not take T. I do experience dysphoria from how I'm seen, but I still feel it when I'm at home alone. I also know for myself that if strangers looking at me see "man" it won't bother me (it happens already) My heart goes out to folks that made the decision without having that kind of certainty who wish they could go back in time. Our society puts a lot of pressure on us that makes it hard to know what thoughts are your own or when it's the world in your head. It's not your fault

This totally needed to be said: I worked in a club for 20 years that was full of non-binary people. I felt like I was one of them. For a long time. My experience is that many people ARE okay “staying in the middle” so to speak. When I look back with the 20/20 hindsight I can see where, in my case, the dysphoria was manifesting and what eventually lead me to medically transitioning.

I wanna legally change my sex to nonbinary but I gotta be 18 😔 It's hard out her being a feminine nonbinary person. I swear everytime I correct people and tell the I use (They/Them) pronouns they always get so mad which is hilarious like how you made at me for identifying as nonbinary 😭

I am gendervoid/agender, and it's really hard to deal with having a body at all. It's hard to recognize myself in the mirror when all i see is a feminine body, and I don't have the means or energy to get a breast reduction/top surgery. I had my first OBGYN appointment today, and it was so frustrating trying to vocalize this and have my physician completely miss my point and not seem to care about how my gender identity intersects with my sex

Thank you for posting this. As a non-binary individual, this can be exactly as frustrating as you describe. When I'm interacting with people at the grocery store, restaurants, etc., I don't want to be called "Sir," and I don't want "Ma'am," either. Sometimes I'll gently explain that it's not necessary to use gendered terms to be polite and other times I'm just too tired. It is tiring. I realize that my gender presentation is not clear and it can be confusing. I actually enjoy that part of myself in a way that I wasn't allowed to as a child. So I don't get angry anymore, but it can still be frustrating when others don't understand it. For a time I was bent upon transitioning to an exclusively female presentation and it upset me a great deal that I was perceived as male. I explored taking hormones but put it on hold for health reasons. Since that time, I've actually become quite happy without taking the steps towards HRT. Maybe someday I will, but lately I don't feel the sadness and tension that I used to feel. Part of it is inspired by Eddie Izzard, who calls himself transgender but at different times is all over the spectrum. Other celebrities like David Bowie and Tilda Swinton are also inspirational and have helped me feel more comfortable as a NB person. I love what you say in the video about hanging in there and continuing to be an advocate, educating society about the gender spectrum and what it means to be non-binary in a (largely) binary society. It's much easier to handle when you realize it's actually your responsibility to change the world, even if it may not happen in my lifetime.

I've identified as non-binary since the beginning of this year and I genuinely couldn't be more happier. In the beginning I was like thinking about doing HRT and getting top surgery and dressing a little more masculine because I had a binder. Growing up, I've always looked like a boy and it never really bothered me. I like cloths from the "boys section" nore than girls. I did always have a problem with my name growing up. Like it didn't feel like mine in a way. I did eventually did start using my nickname and I still like it now and possible might start using it again. But looking back, I can see some early sign that I wasn't cis. I would always wear what I liked, even if my mum didn't like it. And now, I've started to look a lot more feminine and androgynous and I absolutely love it. But My face is the main problem for me, I have such a masculine face that people do label me as a boy/man. Even when I'm looking feminine. It kinda annoys me but at the same time doesn't. I shavedmy head because I didn't like how long it was getting and that I had to put it in a hat just so I could see but also made me look like a boy. Having my head shaved made me feel so, so, so much more confident but also people keep misgendering me. Heres a fun story that happened not too long ago, I was in college waiting to us the bathroom, casue with vivid only one person can go into the bathroom at a time. And I use the womens, I feel more comfortable going in there tha mens. Of course if there was a non-binary option I would use it. And the person comes out and as I go in they say "That's the girls" And I turned to them and said "I know." And they apologise and we moved on. But yea, long story short I'm basically getting sick of being put into the male category when that's not really me at all. And I'm hoping to dress more how I feel in the future. Thanks for listening to my really, long ramble 😆

I didn't find out that I was non binary till my third year on T and my second year post chest op. I'm still taking T and I love my flat chest. I do however feel dysphoric with my chest & back hair so when I had money I tried to get that removed but I'm too poor now. I still take T I just micro dose now because it makes me feel more balanced as a person. Everyone is different, some nb people just get top surgery and do not take T and some just micro dose on T. There's no right or wrong way to transition. If you feel like hrt is right for you I would take a small amount and see how it feels, if it feels good then talk to your Dr. About increasing or keeping it the same. If you don't like it then I would slowly go off of it. That doesn't mean your detranstioning it just means the hrt wasn't right for you.

This was a fear of mine, that I was feeling anxious to take testosterone and get top surgery just so I wouldn't get misgendered as female. But I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and there aren't really any effects of T that I would be unhappy with. Deeper voice, facial hair, fat redistribution, bottom growth, it all sounds good to me. I still consider myself non-binary but people calling me "sir" really wouldn't bother me the same way "ma'am" does. I still haven't made a final decision, but it's really helpful to keep in mind that hormones and surgery are a door I can walk through whenever I want!

I am on T, but only started that after 6 years of social transition and tonnes of research into the risks and effects (especially in regards to being psychotic and reacting to T while on psych meds). I opted on low dose so I didn't need to increase psych meds for the aggression/irritability. However after tonnes of pressure, I opted out of surgery (unless a hysto becomes a need) because my breasts/genitals never really bothered me. I hardly notice either unless bathin, using the toilet or having sex (and in none of those situations does it bother me because its just what I know). It was secondary traits that gave me away as afab that I wanted to change most. I wanted face/body hair like my dad (he's a wildebeast lol) and I hated having wide hips, plus pms really messed with my psychosis. Gettin on T changed those and as a bonus the smaller, shorter hormone cycle of weekly shots has helped my mood stability as well (and the added confidence Im sure is a factor). I'm 27 and wish I had these resources at hand (like nb info) when I came out in 2012. My advice to any young mtf, ftm or nb is: Do not let anyone else define your transition. Its your life to live and your temple to decorate. Don't build it to anyone else's specifications but yours.

Finding your channel was life-saving for me. Thank you Dr Z ❤

Be very carefull with it, I'm a nb person, and I started HRT recently, so far I love it!!! But believe me, I spend MONTHS debating it, thinking about it, and reading EVERY SINGLE main or side effect. Make sure that if you want to take Estrogen, you accept all the changes. Personally, I did wanted breasts, hips, hair thinning and a rounder face shape, and I was a ware of all the changes like decrease of libido, mood swings or infertility. I'm okay handling that, although many people don't, and that's okay, you don't need to be androgynous to "be" nonbinaty, you just are. My treatment is a very persnal change and honestly it has helped a lot with stuff like body dysphoria, and leveling my brain chemistry, so do whatever you need responsibly!!

I am non-binary AMAB but to be fair I really like the results that Estrogen might give me If I would choose to micro-dose it, I often feel dysphoric about my facial features and I think that the fat- redistribution, soft skin and thinning of facial hair will help with that, also I would really like the hair you get on your forehead like in top left and right corner of your forehead + I really really like the fact that people who take estrogen can be more emotional, and cry more, It might seem weird but I think I might enjoy and feel better if I could drop a tear more often. Breas growth is something I feel more uncofortable with but I think I could try micro dosing untill I see breast development, I already feel uncomfortable walking around with naked chest and maybe that might give me an excuse tow wear something chest covering at the pool like some sort of sportsbra or somethin I don't really know, I don't care about the fertillity aspects of hormones, I'm asexual, and I'm pretty repulsed by sex, I don't think I would want kids of my own, I would go for adoption anyway, so that's not a big deal for me, I think I'll wait another year till I'm 18 and then If I still want it I might start the proces, I think it does fit my identity, and does bring me closer to where I want to be right now, and If my mind doesn't change I think that Estrogen might be a really good way to feel better about my body

Thank you so much for posting these videos! This one in particular really spoke to me and made me feel so understood (which is a nice change of pace from normal)!

Yet another excellent video! Thank you Dr. Z, you really are the best - also for allowing us the space to share our experiences.

This video was actually a lot better than I thought it was going to be ♥️ I really like the way that you speak about things and believing in people's true identities

We have such a need in our society to be defined, in part because we want a place to fit...feeling what we feel is just that...you are right, we need to trust ourselves more and know we can not be defined.

Thank you Doctor! This is so validating! I really needed this.

Been working from home and found this video trying to build up the courage to get a real job again. I appreciate you.

You are actually so freaking pretty! It's so nice to watch your videos, and it makes me feel that much more human. Thank you so much

Dr. Z, your ideas here can be helpful for some nonbinary people, but I would restate them. It seems to me that you have a useful and important point about not medically transitioning out of reaction to being misgendered. But what I think you should consider is that very few of us want to medically transition out of solely reactive grounds, and fewer still can actually access medical transition resources for purely reactive reasons. I think we are giving unnecessary airtime to this and should instead respect nonbinary people's ability to recognise our own internal motivations for wanting to include (or exclude) medical aspects in our transitions. I am a nonbinary transfeminine person. I can scarcely conceive of regretting the medical steps I have taken as part of my transition. Before I started, I was unsure how I would feel about top growth, but I am feeling euphoric about it at this point. This may or may not mean my identity is shifting in a binary direction. It will take time and experience for me to process that. But it doesn't mean that I have to compensate in order to be nonbinary, either. I am nonbinary and transfeminine. There is no contradiction. Society and hormones both push us in binary directions. This is not an argument against adopting a binarily read presentation or body as my means of expressing my nonbinary identity. Your warning, as stated, runs the real risk of playing into some dangerous enbyphobic discourses. One enbyphobic discourse says that our nonbinarity is transitory. So what if it is? I have only just begun to undergo medically feminizing treatment. As I experience the changes in my body, I may well realize that my identity is more binary than I thought it was. Or I might enjoy my newfound trans femininity and my nonbinary identity without contradiction. Or I might find a stopping point in medical transition. I might even reverse some of the non-permanent changes. It's all up to me, and it's all valid. Another enbyphobic discourse is that we nonbinary people do not pass muster as candidates for medical transition, because we don't fit medical criteria, we "regret" our medical interventions, and we endanger medical access for other Trans people by generally doing it wrong. This series of contentions is literally dividing and conquering our community, in the face of real fascist attacks from the seat of power, and let me be perfectly clear: if you replicate this discourse you are doing the fascists' work for them, and quite materially offering up us nonbinary people's access to Trans medical care as a sacrificial offering as if to appease them. You cannot appease fascists. Dr. Z, I don't believe this is your intent, but I strongly suggest you restate your position so that you are clearly not replicating the harmful discourses that stereotype us as "doing it wrong", "doing it for the wrong reasons" or just "not cut out for hormones because they're too binary for us".

Thank you so much for making this video, I feel so much more confident about the path I hope to take. I've been comfortable with having surgery for my transition, but from the changes testosterone induces, I would only want the increased muscle mass (which I can already achieve with exercise). There's so much pressure to use hormones in the trans community, even if the people that encourage it mean well, and I couldn't agree more about the limited choices nonbinary people have to transition. I think I should have surgery and wait for more options to come up in the future because you made a great point about trans healthcare advancing as time goes on. When it comes to finding the best possible care, sometimes it's difficult to think of the distant future instead of the here and now for me and a lot of other trans people, understandably so. Thank you again for making this KZfaq channel and these videos, this is so helpful!

Thank you so much for making this; for putting these things into words. I'm agender and AFAB, and I've been really struggling and thinking maybe even passing as a guy would be better than consistantly being called a girl (and bringing up all the past traumas associated with being stuck in that box for so long). Thank you for validating how it feels to be nonbinary and reminding me not to give up my true identity. I hope the efforts of people now will make things better for people in the future.

You spoke right to my soul. Thank you Dr Z.

This is a great one you are always so insightful. My situation is unique. I am trans woman in my mind but because of my age and transitioning at 56. And my job is not conducive to wigs and makeup etc... it’s very physical and requires me to where a respirator a good part of the time etc... and I cannot afford any reconstructive facial surgery; I have taken a different approach to cope with these issues and work closely with my endocrinologist who knows and understands my thinking very well. And that is I desire breasts and skin and fat redistribution which is going great at 15months and it has given me some facial subtle feminization but I am still seen as a male which I understand but it has always really bothered me. It was a big part of why I legally changed my name from Kent to Kelle, it relieved some of that stress. So what I do is kind of reprogram how I think of myself now and that is a female trying to look more masculine and non-binary etc... I hope I am making sense. Obviously at my age with my obstacles this has been a huge issue, so this video really caught my attention. Wonderful observation and video. I’ve worked it from a different angle.❤️❤️❤️

This is the most respectuf video I've seen on the topic ❤️

Omg thank you so much, you don't know how much this video has helped me. Hugs from Argentina!

Thanks for the insight. I'm nonbinary and chose to medically transition via testosterone. I decided if I had to ultimately choose between being perceived as a man or being perceived as a woman by society (as a whole), I'd rather be seen as an alternative-looking guy. Gender dysphoria was killing me and I'm much more confident and willing to live my life now. That is why my last psychologist described it as 'life affirming hormones' or 'life saving hormones'. I have a lot of nonbinary friends who don't want to transition and that's okay. I had to explain the same similar things to them, you have to weight up the pros and cons because medically transitioning is permanent (for most changes).

Thank you this helps a lot I am 50 and have never had counselling or been to a therapist but you’re advice is helping me think about things in a much more positive way

Wow! Thank you for this

I really needed this. Thank you.

I am non-binary. I hate what testosterone has done and was continuing to do to my body. I couldn't get doctors or therapists to take me seriously. So 2 years ago I went online and purchased t-blockers. The first few months were difficult. But I eventually found my equilibrium. I did grow breasts but they are smallish and I'm fat so they aren't so noticeable. Ive now been on t-blockers for 2 years and I just got a referral to a gender therapist. I'm excited but worried that that they are going to insist that I take estrogen.

Wow. Your presentation makes things so much clearer. It helps to understand the gray in the world of black and white. Thank you.

Thank you,your a breath of fresh air.

Great video, i needed this. Thank you!

Thank You so much for this video! You literally saved my life!

I just found your channel and I’m so happy! Thank you so much for making these videos!

I identify right now as non Binary I have for a few years now. I was born identified male. However I feel very feminine so often especially lately. So I dress both as masculine and feminine but I'm gendered the majority of the time as masculine. So now I'm starting to wear things that more feminine will wear when I'm out with friends.

Thank you for this ❤ I'm nonbinary myself, and this has been helpful for me.

I needed this. Thank you

Thanks! For I am trying to figure out who and how to identify myself.

Really appreciate your video! thank you

Thank you so much. I'm glad I found your channel.

I didn't realize how much I needed this. I was starting to fall into exactly the mindset you were talking about. I've been trying to find information on HRT for a while and idk where I got this idea but I was hoping there was various different kinds that maybe do different things. But every once in a while I would starting to think maybe I'll just put up with the unwanted changes and just hope it's worth it. But really I don't want that at all. I'm trying other things like hair removal and speech therapy and its a long and expensive process and I'm hoping it will work but there's a chance it won't and I don't really know how I'd deal with that.

this was helpful. Im a middle of the road person who is struggling with my feminine form. Im still not sure i don't want HRT but this was something to keep in mind.

I have a lot of thoughts on this one. I've been out for a year and I have really felt the pressure to present as one way or another (binary) due to external influence. I have only had therapy for mental health issues unrelated to dysphoria since then, so I've done the majority of processing on my own. In the end, I had to accept that I wasn't sure about some things and they would need to wait. I hate living while being misgendered daily, but I am not responsible for the actions of others. I will be having a reductive chest surgery next year (no hormones) because I experience a lot of chest dysphoria, but I think I would still like to have the option to have the *ahem* milk glands. This feels like a solid choice because it will enable me to bind effectively when I feel the need. I guess the strategy is to support myself without doing anything permanent unless I am certain.

I really appreciate all your videos. Even this one. I'm definitely more to one side of the spectrum but there is still good food for thought in this video

I am personally not really annoyed when someone misgenders me as male so Testosterone would really help me because my high voice gives me a hard time. I'm not the biggest fan of facial hair but my dad can shave so I should be able to do that too. My problem is with (this is about genitalia, so if you don't like the topic, please stop reading. Thanks ^^) bottom growth. I know that would be horrible for me. But the first thing and the thing my mind is focused on right now is finding a therapist. It's so much harder to find a therapist in Germany than I originally thought so that will be my big task for this year (together with coming out to my Brother and my Mom and as always, not failing law school). Wish me luck :D

It's so interesting to see different perspectives on things. I didn't realize I was nonbinary until I was nearly a year on T (full dose). Luckily I'm comfortable with both they/them and he/him and identify more towards male, just not completely male, so I feel like I definitely made the right choice. I like appearing more androgynous with the help of makeup and clothes and I still have a fairly feminine body shape despite the hormones that makes me more androgynous. But of course that's not going to be the right way for every nonbinary person. It's just so interesting to see people who know they're nonbinary before hormones, or those who don't desire hormones, when I probably wouldn't have been able to figure it out without the help of hormones.

If a nonbinary person wants to have breast reduction surgery, why is that "not them"? If I want to grow breasts through hormones, why is that "not me"? Hormones and surgery can androgenize a body too.

I love this one.

Dr Z, you are phenomenal! Thank you for your regular posts! Teri

Thank you for making a video about nonbinary! I would definitely love to see more discussion on a range of topics regarding nonbinary

As a intersex person Ive had to deal with these issues my whole life. My DNA is male but because of the intersex I managed to develop very advanced testicular- ovarian cancer. It was found that I carry the genes of both ovarian and breast cancer.Thus I cannot take estrogen as it will cause the ovarian cancer to return. It has not been easy to deal with this.

I never encountered the term nonbinary before! But that's definitely me. I can say with certainty that it's real and very difficult to navigate. What a special video for me! Thanks!

Hi, Dr. Z. Thank for this. I always find your videos interesting. I identify as nonbinary, but am not particularly dysphoric about being called he/him or treated as a man in certain other ways, so this issue of being exhausted of correcting people has never yet come up for me. I think it helps that where I live, a lot of situations that might be more explicitly gendered back home in the US aren't here. For example, where people in the US might say "sir" or "ma'am," shop staff or the like here just call everyone "customer" or "guest." That said, I have been weighing the idea of pursuing feminizing HRT for basically two reasons: (1) in the hopes of getting more fem-passing facial features, not strictly speaking in order to "pass" - I don't identify as a woman, and I don't know how I'd feel about people calling me she/her or treating me as a woman - but in order to have my face match the feminine clothing styles I'm adopting. That is, in order to look cute/pretty, or just look good, in the dresses and skirts and whatever else that I'm wearing, to stop looking mannish, or "wrong." And (2) so that I might feel like I'm taking action, to do something to my body, to have it be different from the testosterone-dominant, "man" body that I have. To make me feel like my nonbinary "transition" is more than superficial. But (1) is just one of the effects of HRT, and (2) is kind of abstract and probably not an actually good, valid, reason, and most of the other effects of HRT are things I feel neutral or negative about. I'm not sure if I'd want breasts. I'm not sure if I'm willing to sacrifice fertility or functionality downstairs, but I think I would be happier if everything down there were smaller. I'm scared of the changes HRT might bring to my emotions, my thoughts, and my sexuality, and I certainly have no desire to invite any unwanted medical effects, e.g. monthly "period" cramps, potential hormone imbalances or anything else that might require medical attention, etc. And yet, at the same time, I still feel dysphoric about my face, the broadness of my torso, the size of my hands and feet, the deepness of my voice. Mostly things HRT wouldn't change anyway. I'm leaning towards FFS, but I'm also terrified of surgery and not sure if it's really a responsible use of money. Especially if I can't know how the results will turn out, and how I'll actually like going around with a different face. And, how I might deal with it if having a different face forces me, basically, to have to come out to people. :/ Anyway. I know that's off-topic for this video. No doubt there /are/ nonbinary folks who do feel the way you describe, and I think your advice is valuable and important. Just, I don't know why, felt like sharing where I'm at, anyway. Thanks for all that you do on here.

Thanks for the video! What I don't understand as a non binary person is that I'm struggling with my gender assigned at birth...I 'll not take hormone for now because I'm trying to accept myself. Can't we dissociate our perception of the body as if it's gendered? The social rules are they too strong for that? It's very difficult to "hide" a part of us to other people and it's difficult to show the other part (that we choose and like the most) to the first person knowing you because they always see who they know you are and no who you are now... Please someone recognize that ? I feel lonely

I am constantly doubting to have or not top surgery because I don't want to wear binder forever

I know I want feminizing HRT, but one of my fears is breast development. I don't think I'd mind minimal breast development. However, not only do women in my family have a predisposition to greater breast development, but also a significant history of breast cancer. My other fear is more that I'll lose what few features I do like about myself, and the changes won't be significant to fix the ones I don't. I started by telling myself that I'd wait until I tried getting in shape, and clearing up my skin, but that hasn't happened, and likely wont. I quickly realized I wanted more, and even told myself that top surgery was an option, albeit a drastic one. I recognize that as I age I will further drift from the feminine leaning androgyny that I desire anyway. Testosterone is one hell of a hormone, and I'm sick of it.

Thank you for this one too! This is why I'm on the fence. I don't have much dysphoria (I don't think??) but there are things that I really think would be NICE (being more in key with men's songs that I like, looking less feminine/young in the face, getting some of the mood effects from T) versus the stuff I like about my body as-is (I like my hips, got a reduction so I'm ok there, I like having the option of singing very high!) versus what I would be doing just to avoid getting misgendered (ew phone calls!!! when I came out, I had no idea how tired I would get of "ma'am") VERSUS, it was so liberating to stop caring about shaving my legs/underarms - facial hair might be okay with me but I really wouldn't know until it happened - do I really wanna commit to shaving every day again?? lol. Right now, if I could strike a 50/50 split between maam and sir, or get sir a little more often, I'd be ok with that. But I'm hoping I will someday live in a more liberal area :/ Anyway - yes - more things to discuss with the doctor I guess.

amazing advice. i'm not too fond of gender ideology and nonbinary as an identity, but you're the first lgbtq+ creator who DOES NOT advocate for medical transitioning, acknowledges that hormones are irreversible and urges struggling people to find better, healthier coping mechanisms to deal with the bad things in the world. i think this should be the first step of gender affirming care - talk it through, think it through and not jump to immediate treatment that you may regret in the end.

I have identified strongly with the hirjas of India. I identify as third gender, but physically present as very feminine and I use multiple pronouns, she/they. The state where I live will not allow an unspecified gender marker, so I went with female because it matched my outward expression and I deemed it to be safer. I am far closer to female than to male on the gender spectrum. I didn't start that way, I was closer to gender neutral but at about 9 months on estrogen a light came on in my head and I made drastic wardrobe changes because of what I suddenly felt on the inside. I believe that HRT changes minds as well as bodies. The changes make me happy.

Wow i didn't know i needed this. I am nonbinary and i felt so sooo bad about my body , every one kept seeing me as "a girl" and i didn't know how i could stop that, and i started hating my body so much that at one point i wanted to have surgery but deep down i knew that it was not rlly what i wanted, and this video made me see that i just wanted to stay the same. I dont wanna change my body i just want to be myself and changing my body isn't gonna make me more nonbinary. I'm nonbinary no matter how i dress no matter how high or low my voice is, no matter what people say, no matter how long/short my hair is. It's not easy for them to see me like that but i know who i am and nothing is gonna change that. Thanks for this verry nice video

Damn, Doctor, I was looking for you!!!

I consider myself nonbinary, more specifically genderfluidflux, with some more attraction to feminine characteristics. However, I still desire to look masculine as well, in some aspect. I'm not sure if I want top surgery, or some hormones. I've already recided that I want my name to be Andy, or some alternative spelling of it? Not sure still. I've also thought of other names like Alexander, Xander, Cam, Cameron, Mick, Kameron, Kam, Milo, or something else maybe. I'm still figuring things out, so I need more therapy and time. It will take a while, but I do what I can for the moment.

As an NB and AMAB, for me uniquely, I feel ok avoiding medical interventions because I tolerate being read as a hairy/scruffy/masculine (that I am) but dislike being called a man.

Hey, NBs. Know who you are, don't let (or demand) other people tell you who you are.

i’ve been recently considering doing hrt bc of this exact same reason, i feel tired of being misgendered or automatically being lumped with one group for reasons that are beyond my control. i do feel that the features that hrt will give me are features that i do want like breasts and even if i had them i still wouldn’t feel like a woman. what do u think?

Thank you, your videos are ever so helpful. I notice how many people treat nonbinaries disrespectfully as though implying that we don't make an effort to either be male or female, or suggest we neglect ourselves or that there is something dodgy, wishy-washy about us. It's infuriating. This idea you put forward that we shouldn't sacrifice who we feel we are for the sake of appearance is so very important. One answer is in the measuring how we want to come across and how we actually do come across. I personally plan on a masculine haircut to complete male clothing, although admittedly I'd like a lower voice, because it's a sensitive area for me. Yet I must acknowledge this is an improvement on attempting and chronically failing to pass as my biological sex! As you say, let's not rush into things. Another connected issue for nonbinaries is how to receive acknowledgement and basic respect without getting into a heated argument. Let's try assertiveness, although I do sometimes feel like yelling my head off at occasionally rude and insensitive people.

I'm nonbinary myself and live in an area where the concept isn't given any level of respect at all. I am lucky to have parents who support me, but still it hurts to go out every day and be seen as a "man" no matter how I dress or present myself. I wasn't aware of the fact that nonbinary people could even *do* HRT, or that doctors would help people like me with that. I'm looking forward to moving later on this year and starting HRT in my new life.

Thank You so much for your videos. I am Nonbinary and am on hormones and I am fine with it.

My problem is that I live feminine things but personally wish to be male. Obviously, society doesn’t take very kind to that. Also, the idea of losing my hair is horrifying to me and I don’t want to start hormones just to stop and having to deal with the reproductions of a female body taking control again if I stop (like periods coming back). I just don’t know how to get to that exact middle ground where I can be happy in my skin but not fear the future or judgment of society. If anyone has any advice, I’d love to know it.

Most time I would rather people see me as a boy, I'm so sick of being called "mam" all the time no matter how androgynous I am making myself, it's making me so unhappy.... But the thing is I don't like the changes T would do to me, apparently one of the first changes are bottom growth and I looked it up and thinking about that on my body gave me major dysphoria the same way my chest does... I can't give myself more dysphoria just to get the perception I wish people have of me... Honestly I wish there was another answer but there isn't. I have real dysphoria about my chest, but not about anything else, and if my flatness with a binder, haircut and clothing choice aren't enough to stop people from assuming I'm female, then I guess I just have to live with it.

Like you said maam, micro dosing hormones definitely has effects, i was on estrogen for a week micro dosing , the changes were so quick and real , i had to eventually stop it!!! The only thing i learnt is either you come out completely or just stay the same, there is no inbetween! You have plenty of time to make transition decision, when you choose to transition that is the best decision ever, coz all that confusions, different level of confidence! Life just feels like heaven

I was assigned male at birth, identify as non-binary. Lately I've been speaking with my therapist about my frustration around being perceived as a man. My therapist brought up questions about transitioning, or trying to present in a more feminine way and see if that fits better, but it doesn't. It's hard to describe, I don't want to be seen as a man, nor is a woman. I've recently been thinking about HRT to cover some of my male features, but like you said I don't want to transition to female. It's a conundrum.