I told my supervisor on a Friday I was trans and planned on returning Monday as Celia. A very few of my colleagues knew beforehand. I work alongside military members so they and my civilian colleagues aren’t the most accepting of the LGBTQ community. I had always told myself when I retired I’d transition but I had come to realize life isn’t getting any longer for me. I’m so happy I said heck with it. My colleagues have been wonderful, with the exception of one, and the military folks were wonderful as well. My family isn’t accepting but they haven’t written me off. Without my family I’d have no reason to live. I wish I had done this sooner!

My goodness, a lot of this is so totally helpful and similar to my situation. I am very grateful that you organize and share your wisdom, Dr. Z. You are of enormous help to so many of us.

Honesty and communication are key with Family. And I mean a grass roots heart to heart conversation. Try to be open. I asked them what questions they had. I also said nothing was off limits. After my honest conversation, I had family members do research and later asked questions of me. I was shocked they did their own attempt at understanding. Other family members cut ties. And that’s ok too. That’s on them.

The way I lived it, and continue to live, is acknowledge everyone's right to accept me or reject me. I was not successful with my older relatives but the younger ones were fine. I will be there when they are ready to reach out, but words hurt, and in some cases I'm just done, begging for love or acceptance is just wrong

I always encourage baby steps But, there are times when saying "what the hell!" and being bold is the best way forward. when I first realised I was transgender - I developed a plan of action. I had already came-out at work to HR and the bosses and had just recently, told everyone else that I am trans. now the plan was to slowly introduce my female self at work and socially, so as to prevent overs from getting overwhelmed by it. during these early days, in order to present fully during my theory sessions, I used to be listed as "working from home". one evening just prior to one of my sessions, my then partner ruined a lovely evening by launching into yet another anti-trans rant. I managed to block it out until the moment came to finish the session and go back to work. suddenly I started running through a scenario of do I really want to go back home? going back home also ment a 50 minute journey, where as going into the office ment 5 minutes. I turned to my therapist and said "you know, the office is just around the corner, I feel like just saying f@#£ it, and just go in as I am!" my therapist said "if that's what you want to do then do it - ripping the plaster (band aid), off is better than picking at it!" Looking back at that moment, I can see it being fuelled by my ex-partners' bigotry and hate. deep down, I didn't wanted to go home. the negatively that some individuals have, can also serves as an excellent motivator - Not to prove them wrong, but to strengthen your resolve, to help confirm in your own mind that this is the right way forward for yourself.

Thank you for another Q&A. I've grown to love listening to these with my morning coffee.

Its really scary to tell people im trans / transitioning when I still look so much like a man. I guess its primarily that I'm afraid of the judgement, but at the same time I know that those people will tend to judge me no matter where I am in my transition. However I do have friends I'm comfortable enough to go through this with and take those first social steps, so I'm kinda just waiting until I'm living with them and not with my family.

I'm so tired of people trying to say a new name is too complicated. Anyone who has ever had a friend get married and take new name is capable of adjusting.

Today (Aug 10) is officially 6 months full-time. Congratulations on your 5 weeks. I wish there was a magic word or trick that makes it so you are accepted and seen as yourself. There isn't. There's no shortcut. You have to put in the work. Confidence goes a long way, and that only comes with time. Don’t stress about the legal name change. Take care of it on your terms. If your job can't recognize your name without it, they probably aren't going to recognize it with it legally changed. Legal name change is a process and doesn't happen overnight. One suggestion I can make is to get yourself a friend who will be honest with you who can tell you when your makeup is trash or your outfit doesn't work. All of those things will make you stick out if they are off and add added scrutiny, making it harder to pass.

The fear that no one will love me us real for anyone and everyone. But pretending to be someone ypu don't feel you are truly is worse. Being with people who who accept and live for yoyr true self, who wr you are and however you presemt is more important..

Thank you Dr z! Love your channel

Wow, those are the COOLEST earrings I've ever seen ! Your videos are really great, thank you for sharing your knowledge

thank you

Those earrings are beautiful!!

These Q&As are always helpful, theyve been answering questions I've had for a while now. Please keep doing it. I'm working with my therapist on this question and I think it may help here. I cant be the only one dealing with this. In childhood I was bullied for being trans and a Rucyn-Filipino person by people at church, school and in both Carpatho-Rucyn and Filipino circles. How would you recommend starting the healing process and building a trans identity in Social, Ethnic and Religious circles in general?

From a young age I wanted to know what it felt like to dress opposite what is considered normal for my male birth sex. I also remember thinking what it would be like to be a girl. It took many years until I was over forty to have the courage to cross dress. After a year or so I started to realize I wanted a woman's body and wanted to be female. As I thought more about it, these are things I always wanted, but repressed because as a boy I was expected to act and feel certain ways. I began wishing I could go into a box and come out a cis-woman. My sexual preference shifted as I had experiences with men. Now, some twenty years later after repressing these feelings for so long I have begun transition with HRT. I am happier and more connected than I have ever been since I have accepted by identity as a trans woman. My message, as Dr. Z says, is to explore your feelings and evaluate your behavior to help you come to terms with your gender identity, sexual preference, and sexual behavior. Try not to be afraid where it will take you. It is not easy, but if you go slow and think about whom you really are and want to be you may find you can have a better life.

Love the Q&As. However, this episode was a bit confusing as the question on the screen didn't match the question you were reading.

Being a young Male i love crossdressing Everyday A long straight lined skirt stockings and suspenders Often go out wearing a skirt or dress Love my long formal office wear dresses and skirts

40:03 This one brought up some of my own thoughts that I've had about how my sexuality related to my gender and gender expression. Since my preteens I suspected that I was bisexual or something like that but being amab and due to my upbringing it was something to be ashamed of, in addition to being trans. Though I was fairly athletic I remained a bit soft, I preferred my books to sports and quiet contemplation to the "manly pursuits." Most of my life I felt awkward and uncomfortable with my body, my gender and my sexuality. Even when people expressed that I was an attractive man I didn't believe it. I had only one person I dated briefly before I met my now ex and she, not my ex, accused me of being gay. It hurt at the time, and I realize that a lot of it had to do with my insecurities, though now in my early 50s it's funny and I'm mildly proud of it. My point is that I was masking so many things at the time and I understood that I was bi in terms of my sexuality. But I also understood that when I transitioned, and it was always a question of when in those quiet honest moments, I would feel free in my sexuality as well. Perhaps if I met the right guy under the right circumstances I might have long-term partnered with a male, I was certainly open if hesitant about it. Now that I'm finally transitioning and covid restrictions, although covid is still a problem and I try to be responsible in addition to safe sex practices, have lifted I've been able to be authentic in my sexuality as well having been with people of various genders. Straying from my assigned gender role or from heterosexuality sometimes caused me existential terror, but conforming tore me apart at the same time. I like where and who I am much better now. While my kids tell me I was a good parent, I suspect that I might have been more present had I, because I cannot absolve myself of my own role, and my ex allowed me to transition while they were still young. Perhaps I might have been a better spouse to my ex than I was as well. This leads me to a question that I didn't realize had been in the back of my mind for some time. Is it common for trans folk, who have a sense of their actual sexuality, to suppress it in order to be in accordance with the gender role they feel they have to be in? Thanks again for all of your work here on The Tubes of You. You've been a constant source of information and guidance since I found your channel a couple of years ago when I made the decision to begin my transition.

Ma'am I have a mild and completely managed asthma and hypothyroidism, does this cause any any difficulty with hrt and srs. Earlier I didn't have any symptoms of asthma , but last year during winter i had a asthma breathlessness for 2 days and I take inhaler and medicine, after that till now I have not experience any symptoms and I regularly do breathing exercises

What do you mean exactly when you say hormones reduce psychological distress ? Do you mean gender dysphoria as diagnosed medically ? Or general stress due to changing your body & process ? 😗

+DRZPHD *Questions 3 (Time **19:38**), 4 (Time **28:03**), and 5 (Time **38:31**) seem to be switched w/r/t the typograms covering next Questions.*

Like you need another person questioning you about topics. I have a quick question about how to determine if your support group is really supporting you or if they are just blowing smoke up your skirt so to speak? Please thank you

Hello Dr Z, with all the bougus news regarding trans youth do you think you could give your insight into all of this talk about parents starting kids on hormons and also the myth that parents are mutulating their kids.

The reality is that most women are not likely to stay with a partener who is transitioning. My ex-wife told me she wanted out of the marriage because she did not want to be married to a transgender woman. I accepted that.

OMG! Its Edna Mode! PHD??? ROFLMAO!!! Thats so funny. Let me guess. You found a PHD made by AI, on your IMB, saved it as a PDF, printed it out as a GIF and put it in a frame from HSN.

Thank god this never had anything to do with sex for me. This is confusing enough without that. I'm still confused because of how disgusting I am. Even still those bigot freaks claim it is 🙄

As for the section exploring how to know what is my gender, I'd like to ask is this an indicator of gender dysphoria? Since early in childhood I was never able to touch my male genitalia for the purpose of masturbation, it happened only by rubbing against the floor or a pillow, my gender therapist told me that many male trans women used to experience this too, so I'm not sure, that might be one indicator of gender dysphoria that is instinctual, I never thought about it as a child, I took it as a normal thing to be disgusted by my genitalia, even today I feel aversion to saying my penis, there is dissonance to it, even though logically it is true. Later in life I have been instinctually only sitting down when I wanted to pee, rarely ever standing up, many times it was unconscious, not planned. I also got to realize my gender identity through a reference point of observing a sexual dimorphism at a hormonal and anatomical level of the sexed body that I was sexually attracted to, because it was reflecting back to me how my body needs to sexually relate to it at a physical level. Instead of them triggering an arousing response in my body, it was triggering a depressive response, the idea of having sex with that body used to feel like getting out of the body, or losing a sense of self. Their body functions as a reference to how my own body is meant to relate to it, how my body needs to look in order to create a proper sexual contrast, because life is about opposition, the bigger opposition/contrast the healthier outcome, this is why sexual relationship between brother and sister can feel wrong to us, it is the same principle, there needs to be a contrast, the more different we are the more exciting life is, sexual relations work on the same basis. When you are in love with someone so much but can't express it physically, notice how that changes when you project onto your own body the opposite sexual polarity, we are sexually dimorphic in a myriad of ways, we know how we would feel if we dressed up in the clothes of the opposite sex or had a more feminine hair style, this is why the arguments that trans people don't know what its like to be the opposite sex are so deeply erroneous to me, I believe many of us know it extremely well at a neurological perceptive level. it is easy to project onto our own body an idea of how we would feel if we possessed an anatomical and hormonal development of the opposite sexual polarity, through this process we can perceive how we would express our love physically towards the one we are in love with, it is through the sexual relations that we can get to know how our body needs to look. Paradox is that gendering of our sexed body based on the most binary/contrasting parameter of the body creates less sexual contrast for us towards the other bodies in sexual relations, this is why trans people transition to support the sexual contrast in life, the same principle that makes people gender human sex based on the most binary marker because they believe sexual contrast is essential for harmony. Because deep down we understand that opposition creates healthier unity within the society.

You mixmatch the texts from "How to know" when you answered these questions. That make listening very hard to follow and understand. Mistakes happens sometime, even to the best. Keep going.

hy Dr. Z, (I'm brazilian so ignore my bad english) I'm a trans woman starting my transition, i'm 19 and I am having the worst depressive and anxiety crisis of my life because my family is being so dramatic about my transition, they say "omg you was so masculine and now for nothing you are acting like a girl for nothing. Did you ever considered the dangers of that? and bla bla bla" and my wish was to punch them in the face and say like "you never worried about me when I was loked at my badroom crying because of anxiety and depression and now that I am doing something to solve MY problem you are being that pain in the ass" like, come on, why are they having such a hard time to se me happy? Just because a part of my hapiness is use a dress or something like that they look at me like they are seeing a ghost. I know I never been girly before and that is hard to accept but, how difficult is it to accept that I never liked being their big boy? I don't know, some times my disphoria hits like a shadow whispering with their voices things like "You are not that girl. You're just pretending to be someone you're not" and then they come closer just to agree with the shadow and ask me "why are you beeing so rude with us?" and my wish is in those moments of crisis is to move out of my parents house and hug my only friend who is realy giving me support and she is the only one who sees me and treats me like a girl. And they say that is easy for her because she don´t know me as they do to know that I'm trying to be someone that I'm not. I don't know. At those times when disphoria hits my wish was to never been born, maybe that way my existence would be less painfull.

Hi drz, first of all thank for what you do your videos are so helpful. I am 26, i identify myself as non binary. My gender assigned at birth Is male, but identify myself more with the neutral or feminine gender. I just want to say that even if you are a very good psychiatris specialized in transgender care ecc, and you meet lots of non binary persons, you will never experiment the feeling that we have as non binary-transgender individuals, cause you feel congruency between your gender assigned at birth and your gender espression. Sometimes i hear you talking as if you were experimenting these kind of gender dysphoria feelings too, It seems that you kbow everything about the theme. It bothers me a bit I Just want to express this thing, I don't want to bother you