When I refused to let him control me he became more hateful and hurtful. He did not like me having any control at all. I left the marriage.
@RawMotivations Жыл бұрын
Hope you are doing well now, that has been a tough journey
@lobsterbisque7567 Жыл бұрын
sjs3590 I'm proud of You!! I wish You the best on Your healing journey!
@KiKi-te9yd Жыл бұрын
Ditto. They can't cope at All with being an equal
@ingeborgwisseborn692811 ай бұрын
The same with me. I am now 70 years old and till now I didnt know that my ex was a narcissist. Then I became a young neighbour and he was the same. So I discovered it. I am greatful but I also despice him for what he did. Three times worse than my ex.
@coletterobichaud34652 ай бұрын
When my Ex realized I had figured him out and I was never going to be a subservient robot, he blamed me for never following through on his promises to me, and disappeared from my life while I was pregnant! Gone! These people are monsters
@lisarochwarg4707 Жыл бұрын
Over the years, they ended up destroying their own reputations. They did it all to themselves. That's what happened to them.
@carolinekamya2339 Жыл бұрын
facts
@louiseelizabeth96132 жыл бұрын
When my nex realised he couldn't control me anymore, he exploded with the worst vitriol ever and left
@GM-nf4bw Жыл бұрын
Same here! So painful 💔
@amandakropen3273 Жыл бұрын
My mother had multiple demonic exlosions!
@joshneal7857 Жыл бұрын
Vitriol wow interesting word. Maybe dumb it down a bit lol
@bonnielee316 Жыл бұрын
Josh Neal, I just looked up the definition and it fits it perfectly: vit·ri·ol /ˈvitrēəl/ noun 1. cruel and bitter criticism. "her mother's sudden gush of fury and vitriol" 2. ARCHAIC•LITERARY sulfuric acid. "it was as if his words were spraying vitriol on her face"
@nicholecornes19154 ай бұрын
Im WAY happier without him! Hes like your not trying to win me back!! I said win back WHAT?!
@duckyvr478 Жыл бұрын
was with a narcicist for 8 years, had children, and i just wish these videos were around 10 years ago. i didnt understand the whole relationship what was happening. I felt sorry for him rather than feeling sorry for me even though i was the one being abused because he could flip the narrative in my head. When he started taking it out on our daughter i got up the balls to file police reports, restrainign orders, and got him to leave. He still writes me letters in the mail. Hes blocked on phones...social media....is physically not alloeed anywhere near me or my kid but every few moths will still write letters and sign them love always and forever. Now i only have disgust and to be honest some unresolved anger and hatred there. Never will i contact. Never will he ever get an ounce of any kind of give a shit from me. He doesnt see his daughter. He isnt fit mentally to anyway. She doesnt want to regardless. Its scary how kids see right thru the bullshit. She told me one day before i made him leave that she believed he was a demon and he is only here to pretend to love us but he really wants to hurt us. She couldnt havs said it better
@cherrybacon33192 жыл бұрын
I am struggling Ben. Even though I was discarded I'm out . I've blocked him and trying to concentrate on myself and breaking the Trauma-Bond. It's hard at times because I have so many different emotions all at once in my head at times, but I'm sticking to No Contact. 🍒
@didiiamandi2 жыл бұрын
Hey, Cherry! Belive, with time it will be better... I know that in that stage it's very hard and you have all the feelings in the same time, but you are in the detox faze... I know how it feels to die a little bit every single day and you don't know who you are anymore, but you are stronger than you think... Regain your friends and make reallity check, stay with your feelings, go in nature, read, paint or everything that will make you happy... Nobody deserve to be in such a relationship... It will be better! 😘
@cherrybacon33192 жыл бұрын
@@didiiamandi Thank you
@daniellemorse6929 Жыл бұрын
It takes a while to get through all of those different emotions but you can do it. Processing while continuing to educate will get you to the point of indifference and you will feel so free and strong and never look back while the narc suffers by losing you.
@dawnie3021 Жыл бұрын
I'm the same, I have children with mine..he's being really nice when picking up the children chatting as normal...I was with him for 30yrs....I started standing up to him a few yrs ago...then I ended it this Yr but then felt a sudden dred of loss and told him I still love him....he has feelings for me but the love has gone and he is now dating someone....if you where to meet him you'd like him....but behind closed doors the tantrums were a shock and I kick into people pleasing.....I have ups and downs.. my whole body goes into shock
@applejuice5068 Жыл бұрын
@@cherrybacon3319 it's taking time.. for me as well.. the swirling feelings , thoughts and emotions come back with like waves with less power.. I was hoping that I had passed it completely, but Christmas is behind the corner and the horror is back to me.. but in much lower power. That is overwhelming and painful,but with time passing get better...
@pepe_da_prawn Жыл бұрын
I feel bad for her, in the sense I couldn't help her. And her feeling alone. Because knowing what I know now, she will always be alone
@sanjmalik6282 Жыл бұрын
The narc ex told my son that I was too strong for him after years of literally being abused and used as doormat. I couldn't take it anymore. I knew that if I stayed with him I would have left in a body bag. I went no contact for 2 years. He moved on and got married again.
@mortischahicks5341 Жыл бұрын
Yes, I did! I left him two months ago. I love being FREE
@cherrybacon33192 жыл бұрын
When my Ex couldn't control me I got dumped. 🍒
@user-kf3yz7so6qАй бұрын
So did I after 37 years🤷🏻♀️
@lornaguess6433 Жыл бұрын
I’m moving 250 miles away after a 3 year rel where i experienced all types of abuse and the final straw him having a double life with another woman. Now with a new woman and tried to make me the side person which I refused and now getting random messages asking me to not move away!!! All behind his new gf back whilst claiming he has changed 🙄 Bonkers!!! Because knows I’m going back to living in my own home and back with people who are good for me. Losing total control both mentally and proximity to me! I’m waiting for the rage when he knows it’s happening!
@amandakropen3273 Жыл бұрын
When my narc mother finally figured out that she couldn\t control me; she dis-owned me. Who disowns their only child????
@noelcarter2100 Жыл бұрын
My dad did that to me. It’s sad but true. It hurts, but you did the right thing by taking control back ❤️
@vikinggoddess2126 Жыл бұрын
My ex. He wanted me to choose between my oldest or him and the younger kids. Ultimately, all the kids and myself left.
@carolinekamya2339 Жыл бұрын
idiots lol
@1classystyle2 жыл бұрын
Great question that the person asked at the end of why it bothers them when we move on. My ex-boyfriend is blocked and I'm still no contact since February. Since that time though, he has attempted to reach out to me four different times. This time last year he completely discarded me, forced my hand at being the one to do the breaking up, and here he is...not able himself to accept that I'm not playing into him anymore. The fact that he knows I'm no longer giving into his hoover attempts is something he's not liking at all. If I were to ever cave and accept his attempt, he would have nothing but rage for me because I had completely ignored his past attempts...and we're broken up...and it was by his doing of what he wanted. 😑 Such a sad, messed up life he lives.
@peggymicsky8607 Жыл бұрын
He doesn't want you, he wants to WIN! To call the shots, and control you.
@kenbach1574 Жыл бұрын
I was trauma bonding to my father tell the age of 35 then a therapist told me breakaway then six years later I realized I was trauma bonding to the therapist. My life is been a psychological hell. I'm getting help and I will survive. Content like this really helps me not be alone. Thank you
@staciacrick3373 Жыл бұрын
You can only be trauma bonded to the therapist if that person was abusive and then comforting intermittently back and forth.
@julychani Жыл бұрын
I thought my father loved me until I was 11. Then I questioned the beatings and stuff like this. It was horrible, he raised me to terrorise my mother that he can blame her for things.
@faithbaker82598 ай бұрын
My narc told me he wants a divorce last night weve been togeather 40 years & i tried to do my art & take a day to myself & he didnt control it & threatened me to punish me for having a boundry.. hes i believe a covert narc he must control everything in my life everything your saying is true thanks faith
@Keith_Mikell4 ай бұрын
I did it not once but twice.
@conniethompson21172 жыл бұрын
He just started using my children to torture me. Acting indifferent is very difficult when he mistreats our children to get to me.
@lenoreriley48712 жыл бұрын
I hear you! And going no contact when you have kids with them isn’t possible… unfortunately. So finding a balance is hard. I know someone who only contacts the kids dad via email. And I like that idea. Haven’t made it work yet. My ex also feeds the kids food they are reactive too and then drops them back with me, with all the behavioural issues that come with that.
@tathe37862 жыл бұрын
Oh yes that Never stops even if they are grown up!!! Then they have gu care for them selfs, by settling boundaries… not so easy to lern that Your daddy isn’t able to love cause he refused to go to therapy and chance!!!!
@nikkicavana Жыл бұрын
My hub picks on the kids, I didn't realize he could be doing it to get to me unti just now. Thank you for sharing... 🤯
@floragriffin6053 Жыл бұрын
What this guy says from about 4:00 is very accurate
@liljerseygirl249 Жыл бұрын
Yes, i got away from more then one
@user-jk8nx7gd3o Жыл бұрын
thank you, bless you, Chauvin Brenda
@charliebrown867810 ай бұрын
Why when I can see what she's doing when I understand her long game,why do I still want to be with her? Why can't I just let go? I've never gone through something like this. I just don't get it.
@TAP-xs4ndАй бұрын
Because you have real feelings and you want it to work, you want things to be different. They just don’t care. Best wishes!
@syrettabassett6440 Жыл бұрын
I am going thru it right now with my narc I been standing my ground and he's been gone week n half almost fell for his spell and had moment of weakness couple days ago and he was everything he pretended to be in the early stages. And I let him in for night and was great but next day with a sentence he said to me i had a moment of clarity and I told him to leave and never ever contact me again.
@syrettabassett6440 Жыл бұрын
Now he's lashing out hard past 2 days which has given me even more strength to stand strong
@Prometheuspredator Жыл бұрын
Thank you, Ben for bringing awareness to individuals who have been caught up in narc. relationships. You are an excellent speaker and presenter by the way. 👍 to increasing your channel as people need to really hear what you have to say. Blessings always to you and your family.
@RawMotivations Жыл бұрын
Thank you for the warm comment, hope you are doing well ! Same to your family as well. Appreciate all the support
@Prometheuspredator Жыл бұрын
@@RawMotivations, Your welcome.
@Kana-vv6iv Жыл бұрын
the scary part is, i don't even know what a Narcissist even means. Everyone in a group calls them out if they want help or not.
@nadinecolbath55842 жыл бұрын
GOD FORBID my husband leave!! HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE!! He won't even let ME leave! I HATE HIM!!!!! HE MAKES ME SICK!!!
@blackpeach5 Жыл бұрын
You would think. Felt same way and just like that two weeks ago he told me it was over and is hiding his new toy. While trying to flirt after a two week silence treatment. 😒 It's more or less when you choose enough is enough then that's what you'll deal with. Go to a shelter if you have to.
@user-kf3yz7so6qАй бұрын
Get away from him, your life will continue to be hell… you owe it to yourself, you deserve to be happy.. there will be a way, you just have to find it… Good Luck💕
@christinemunger7054 Жыл бұрын
What you're putting out there is so important and honest. Even writing those words, it feels strange because of the history of being in a narcissistic relationship ... on the one hand, I know you're a narcissist and I don't want to give you the power and supply by acknowledging you. But on the other hand, I want to be authentic and say how I feel, but I feel guarded because of my 25 year trauma bond to a narcissistic husband. This is an illustration of the havoc a narcissist wreaks on a normal person with empathy!
@Reaper_thecreaper Жыл бұрын
I worry about my kids so much.
@kwajcarol Жыл бұрын
Walked away before I knew what I was dealing with (toxic friend)… with research , I discovered these KZfaq channels. Been feeling effects of a smear campaign (everywhere) No Contact for almost 2 years …. I am interested in what you are saying at the end of this video (point # 2) By me walking away would probably invalidate whatever narrative the “friend” had in the works. (I WONDER what that was……)
@JohnWilliamsMCC6 ай бұрын
You have with this one video just now filled in the rest of the blanks in this whole mystery
@RawMotivations6 ай бұрын
Hope you are healing!
@KoreaMojo Жыл бұрын
He never controlled me, although I was not always clear. I wonder is it because my parents are still too involved and not the kind of people that are easily impressed or inattentive. I wonder is it because I have been questioning him since the 2nd month we knew each other. I don't know.
@ImpactFilmsLLC2 жыл бұрын
Another awesome video Ben! I'm going to continue to get better through you and @mentalhealness
@OneWhoKnowz Жыл бұрын
Yes I did ❤
@shelleyd9910 Жыл бұрын
Brilliant. So well explained. Thank you.
@mariekedonkerkaat30692 жыл бұрын
Thanks!
@daniellecowley7922 Жыл бұрын
Funny enough my last one and I say that because I have had 3 now in different forms screamed at me at least 4 times like a teenager I hate you because he never fully gained control-I wouldve seen it faster than 7 months if we had lived closer and he hadnt gone to Florida for 2 months 🤣🤣🤣🤣
@daniellecowley7922 Жыл бұрын
He did get me into rumination though through programming and calling me at certain times but im reminding myself daily that its a false narrative
@user-kx2le5mb5h Жыл бұрын
It's been over a year and I still know that I'd probably get back together with her.
@RawMotivations Жыл бұрын
Hope you can find healing
@tiffanygraham49002 жыл бұрын
I have gotten away from my brother who is the narcist, i feel that i have mostly healed from the trauma bond, but i will always care about him even from afar. I want to help him somehow admit to himself that he is a narcist so he can have a better life, he is not happy his life is crumbling people are pulling away from him, and he can't understand why. and I don't want him to continue to hurt new people he pulls into his trap. Is there anything I can do. It is not for myself, I'm out I have my boundaries, I want to see him happy and a good human being .
@MissBrendaR Жыл бұрын
There’s is nothing you can do about it but just pray he can acknowledge one day that he needs therapy and need to change. I’ve dealt with many of them since I was little and none of them change maybe at some point in their death bed would do it but the best is to walk away and be supportive at distance. Relationships will work better is there is distance between you and them
@jcody176 Жыл бұрын
How were you & your wife able to stay together
@hebamohamud66522 жыл бұрын
I was in a 3 year on and off relationship with a covert/vulnerable narcissist but he never used me for sex. It was long distance and he never made an effort to see me. When I finally had enough I left and he's still asking my friends about me. How long do they obsess for? We broke up over a year ago.
@lamentate07 Жыл бұрын
They don't actually 'obsess'. If you have mutual friends, that means he is simply reminded of you and then brings you up.
@lesliethurston21512 жыл бұрын
Ben, your explanations make simple what once felt so helplessly complicated. Thank you the sound guidance. Any suggestions for how to handle an aging narc parent whose final locus of control is to remove an adult child from the family will?
@RawMotivations2 жыл бұрын
Try this. Also the book Narcissist in Your Life kzfaq.info/get/bejne/mcmKnbaBv6yagIk.html
@TheAmazingRandy Жыл бұрын
Best way to forget about the female covert narcissist is to get new cats
@Joe-hf3cn9 ай бұрын
At the end of the day I allowed it
@mykeeeee Жыл бұрын
Do you have any advice videos for fellow narcissists seeking help.
@RawMotivations Жыл бұрын
Reach out and let’s chat. Https://rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones or get into wake up warrior and I’ll work with you there if you want to be real and change.
@RawMotivations Жыл бұрын
I coach and work with several narcissists.
@flaco0526 Жыл бұрын
Does this pertain to men or men and women?
@peggywereta3074 Жыл бұрын
They don't care .
@callettesmikle6054 Жыл бұрын
The nac leave me becaused i aske for my money he borrow wow
@kendrapalacio74842 жыл бұрын
I would love to reach out to you
@RawMotivations2 жыл бұрын
Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.calendly.com/rawmotivations
@SirCrocodileKyle Жыл бұрын
Super confused here, me ex got us into therapy, changed her job plans to come closer to me, bought us a pet and left without any explanation. When we were in counseling for a short time she stated how much she wanted things to work and how she wanted to grow with me. We never even touched on any real issues in the relationship. 4 sessions and poof gone! Was stating how she felt as if I wasn’t trying hard enough, how much could i do from long distance? I left before because of her actions and then she made it a point to reach out to a friend of mine and say she would do anything to make it work? So confused….
@RawMotivations Жыл бұрын
Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones
@SirCrocodileKyle Жыл бұрын
Just booked a session, thank you!
@peggymicsky8607 Жыл бұрын
I have a neighbor/friend (female) who is a Narcissist. I'm using the same strategy dealing with her, mainly as an experiment. Then we can be friends or NOT!
@julychani Жыл бұрын
I can't be attracted to non narcissistic people because my father was a narcissist. I got a psychiatric nurse diploma to understand my childhood and went trough 10 years of therapy. I am 7 years single and always fall into narc trap early but realize after few dates what's going on and cut supply. Any idea how to get attracted outside of my regular pattern? I am now in control but very lonely.
@GangstalkingReality9 ай бұрын
Being by yourself forever is better than being with a demon.
@dawnie3021 Жыл бұрын
I ended my marriage 8mths ago...as I felt I was walking on eggshells....but recently told them I still love them...but they've now moved on and dating and I'm in shock.....is that normal?
@RawMotivations Жыл бұрын
Yes
@zerodeconduite80411 ай бұрын
I've a little question. You and others, both sides do this life coach business - are you pursuing a psychology degree?
@etaokha4164 Жыл бұрын
I blocked him
@carlosfelix8861 Жыл бұрын
Narc
@jimjetsonjr.8213 Жыл бұрын
Thanks Ben
@apache-yaquibrown4060 Жыл бұрын
My egg donor is a narcissitic sociopath, she has done everything to destroy me her whole life. i was the truth teller, she turned all my siblings neices and nephews, my whole life she told everyone I was abusive, and a liar. thanks for sharing.
@peggymicsky8607 Жыл бұрын
I'm in love with a Narc and just learning about it and how to deal with it. I would like to maintain a relationship, even a friendship seeing he is married. Our relationship was never going to be more than a contact/friendship but I like him as a friend. He's a doctor with much to offer. I'm sure I'll never meet him in person but he's a wealth of knowledge, advice, and fun. I've never seen any viciousness or overt control, just egotistical playing with people. Maybe the meaness is there but I haven't seen it. Just lack of response and interest sometimes.
@quantumfineartsandfossils2152 Жыл бұрын
"6:00 "children are brought into this equation" thank you yes it is heart breaking all children are our children & I know like me you see people throw totally gorgeous (not lying) healthy living plants out in the freezing cold to die in the garbage & you wonder can they take care of that new baby like how can you not worry instead you think what am I doing that is careless that I might not be aware of and tweak your own errors to access more errors in general causality outside of time AND in our very short born diseased to treat cure diseases life of art of nature everything is actually scary & dangerous as you obviously know a lot of dedicated mutual shared leadership work has to go into our facing that all communications is formal communications and permanent a narc abuser criminals psychopath will say 'a drop of cyanide in the water is okay' but a drop of cyanide in a tank of water is still a drop of cyanide in a tank of water it is your duty to document and report anyone suggesting it is okay to drink water with "just a lil' bit of cyanide in it" ALL CRIME COLLECTIVELY IS CRIME CRIME IS CRIME IS< CRIME you have to find a way to records & report all crimes!!! this is life!! you can delete someones data but their history is in the NSA !!! there is a Yardley to every Stimson of dimwit criminal Edward Snowden saying "everything used to disappear like the morning dew" as if he knows what dew is for & 'forgot' that water is older than the sun & that our bodies are made of water Prosecutable jail time crimes also cybercrime everything is permanent Again you do not 'drink water with cyanide in it' ever - this is instant alarm bells you call in the town --- this is why you are a dr and why victims of abuse can prove what you are saying with facts records data & why you know this this is not a neurotic spectacle class this is an observer class a spectral surveillance class that avoids damage to our brains this is nuanced mathematics and magic numbers science class you know that We win because in the quantum world there are no winners or losers (:D AHHHHHHHHHH hahahaha but how? AHAHHAHAHHAHHA) but with art to *accept the truth of all we se all the TRUTH THE REALITY THE NOW* superfluid mirror attacks surveillance generated search engines ala Lena Khan & Nick Yee the whorf hypothesis & metadata location data medical data & more --- protect me from myself ;) type arbitrage subterfuge always win against criminals fifth dimensional immunity chess freedom ": like Wave Decompression Combinatorics in a Retrocausal Origins Theory :D* =D