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We, as a collective society, need to stop proving Sigmund Freud right

The fact that some women view their daughters as competition before they’re even born is so sad and disturbing.

"i love my daughter" :) "but" :(

I remember someone commenting that toxic boy moms are just the next stage of pick-me girls and I can’t unsee it 💀

The irony of Freud naming it the “oedipus complex” is wild because oedipus clawed out his own eyes after realizing it was his mother. Like the guy was NOT happy about it, and Freud names his kink after that? The disrespect

My brother stopped any ‘boys are so much better than girls’ talk by sleepwalking and pissing down the stairs while my parents were at the bottom. Forever grateful

sexualizing the babies that look at womens chests or whatever is also just so weird because like. thats where the milk comes from??? maybe he's just hungry????

Imagine knowing that your own mothers prefers your sibling based on his gender, that shit would be so traumatizing

My mom is the youngest of 11 girls. No twins/ multiples. By and large, the most common response I get when I tell this fact is sympathy… for my grandfather. “How did he handle that?” “How does he feel about that?” “Wow they really kept trying for that boy”. Simple fact is they were bored, poor, and catholic. Grandpa loved his daughters.

Growing up in Asia, I always heard the saying, 'daughters steal the mother's beauty while they are in the womb, making the mother ugly.' I think it is something that has been said for a long time

These women need to be careful with how they treat their daughter-in-laws, because statistically it won’t be their sons that look after them in old age.

As a librarian I get parents ask if we have any "boy" books....that's just books. You have a child, they have interests and likes and dislikes not dictated by gender.

The fact that woman get so much hate before they even enter the world is actually sad.

As a trans man, when I came out to my father he told me how he felt 'betrayed' - he always raised me and my brother by our assigned genders. Days after that talk, my dad would constantly tell me on good days how i could never be a true man because of how soft and caring i was, how gentle i was. On bad days, he would mock my social name and spit, ask me angrily "is this how i'll have to introduce you to my friends?" as if that was the most important thing about it. It took him 2 entire years to come to terms with it and allow me to start HRT, and even then he still shuts the conversation down if i even mention top surgery. Gender has been nothing to me but a prison in which i am belittled and mocked, never enough for either binary - never womanly enough so society can overlook my 'tendecies' but never manly enough to be 'accepted as a man'; and it fucking sucks.

They don’t even need to have sons. The woman who gave birth to me often reminded me and my sister that she always wanted boys and told us what our male names would have been. It was as though she failed at providing heirs lol

When you brought up girl-dads in relation to boy-moms, for a second I thought "Wait no, that's different," until I stopped and thought about it. No, it's not. In the common use of the word, girl-dads have the same weird assness that boy-moms do, treating their daughters as objects on a pedestal to protect for... Reasons.

😅 My dad used to say: "I'm less worried about you getting pregnant, you can only do it once in a year. Now your brothers? They can get like 6 girls pregnant a day." Not saying my brothers were out having sex left and right, but he got a lot of comments about "keeping me locked up when I became a teen" and thats how'd he answer it.

We have actual research showing oldest girls are given too much responsibility at a young age that isn't seen in boys, and that makes a lot of sense when moms (and dads, if the gender reveal videos can be believed) are completely open about preferring and prioritizing sons over daughters. Sons are a pride to be cherished. Daughters are a resource to be exploited.

lusting after your son is deranged and as cringe as dads giving their daughters promise rings to symbolize possessing their daughters virginity til marriage.

the oedipusification of vlog moms

I'm trans-fem and while unpicking the complexities of "boy moms" through a queer lens is beyond me, I do know that if my mom had been a "boy mom" that would have been really rough for me. Like she's making her identity partly based on MY gender. It might have made it harder to think about my gender feelings, harder to talk about them, or harder to come out. And I fucking hate that. Parents, your kid's gender is their journey, not your accessory.

I was born female. My spern donor would take me to a grave sized hole he dug. He would tell me if I got a boyfriend before thirty he'd kill him and bury him in said hole. He would make me lay in it as he talked about how hed kill this theoritical guy. He'd laugh like it was a joke but it always felt there was a level of seriousness in it. Sadly its more common than some think for parents to have werid attachment to their children.

children’s rights are something i’m sooo passionate about. in leftist and feminist spaces it’s not that hard to find people being terribly unkind to children. calling them “crotch goblins” and bullying their stupid parents for having the audacity to take their child out in public is something i see so often. i used to work with toddlers and understand why people don’t want to necessarily spend time with children but to strip them of humanity by insinuating they don’t have a place in society is just subhuman. seeing dead, disabled by warfare, and starved children in places like palestine really gutted me like nothing i’ve ever seen before. there are children who are brutalized by war and we as adults can’t even extend sympathy towards them.

i appreciate you bringing up the “children as property” mindset. it’s a cage i’ve been trapped in for most of my life, but as a mexican child that was raised in the states, it’s always been hard to acknowledge the harm it’s caused me. my white friends emphatically accuse my parents of abuse, and it makes me want to come to my parents defense because i never feel like my friends understand the cultural context of my parents’ actions. but abuse is abuse, right? no matter the culture? shits confusing fr

Time to listen to Shanespeare develop all my incomplete thoughts into a intelligent mosaic

Im a transgender man and ive been following this saga online when it comes to this topic. Ive seen a lot of videos showing parents being distraught or disappointed when they are going to give birth to a daughter in gender reveals. Really, i think people are too fixated on if someone has a penis or a vagina rather than bothering to be excited about bringing life into this damn world. Why are we so fixated on what people have going on between their damn legs, especially when ut comes to babies?

what will those girl moms do once their daughters hit puberty and start finding their own style? Like a goth phase or a punk phase or just don't get into makeup etc. Having too many expectations for what you want your kids to be like and do with you is setting you both up for conflict

Boy mom: my son shows me how to be treated by a man The son, 15 months old: *throws up on everyone, kicks and screams on the floor in stores, won't wear pants or socks*

Omg I have a son and this woman argued me DOWN bc I said I would never refer to myself as a boy mom because they are strange asf and then she asked me if I wanted a daughter next and I said I didn’t want anymore kids but IF I did I would totally pray hard for a daughter and she got even more MAD! Like huh?!?

I have this theory that woman that label themselves as “Boy Moms” who openly say they hate or not love as much their daughters, have found an outlet for their internal misogyny. By taking it out on a little girl they’re supposed to love because ya know…they’re her children too. Or maybe I’m wrong idk and maybe I’m a sort of bitter Afab person who fully believes their mom loves their older brother more than them.

Boy moms are the gender swapped version of the episode of American Dad where Stan and Steve join an abstinence/purity group wherein all the dads are dating their daughters

I'm rewatching Cobra Kai right now and Mrs Larusso says "Karate moms freak me out." Think about it, Soccer Mom, Stage Mom, Dance Mom, Teen Mom, there is no subtitle on Mom that is ever positive. No specificity is encouraged, because nothing should to p just being a mom. The running theme is that most of them use their mom status as an excuse to act out personal axes they have to grind, rather than being dedicated to their kids well being. That's my theory.

boy moms are so insane to me because the moms just can’t let their boys live. like you have a husband, you do not need to be nurturing your jealousy over your son’s first girlfriend

In China, where most of my family still lives, boy moms are still the norm. Attitudes towards girls and women have been changing as China has been coming to grips with the catastrophic fallout of the One Child Policy, which resulted in the absence of millions of women and a generation of men unable to get married. Systemic misogyny always comes back to bite us. It shouldn't have to take a catastrophe like this to remind people of the value of girls and women.

I started publicly transitioning about six months after my son was born, my husband likes to joke I took the most extreme measures possible to avoid association with boy moms at all cost lmao

In Mexico we say that they become toxic mothers-in-law when they're older. And in here those women always say "Children of my daughters, my grandchildren. Children of my sons, I don't know" to put down the wife/girlfriend of their son. The worst part is that men always prefer to listen to them, even if they always hummiliate their partner. (Sorry for my bad English tho)

"I can never escape Freud," I cry as I tap on a video about boy moms

I have been openly non binary for 4 years, name and gender legally changed for 3. Its crazy how parents get angry when u change this mindset THEY created about you, your life, your choices. Last month I got yelled cause I live a life that isn't the one they picked for me, based on my gender assigned at birth ... Keep in mind I have a normal life, not radical at all, but the fact im not living as a woman/man HURTS THEM(???

So I said a few days ago, seeing a Kardashian on TV "ugh. I can't stand their faces anymore. 20 years has been long enough. Please go the hell away" and my 13 yo niece said what?. I said "I'm tired of the Kardashians" and she asked "what's a Kardashian" and I finally knew their time of reigning social media is almost up. ❤ I've never been so happy over childhood ignorance over pop culture because to be goddam honest, the last recent generations do nothing but hold on to the carcass that is our collective childhood memories. Although I am also a nostalgic xennial myself, I'm definitely ready and looking forward to the days where nobody knows nor cares wtf a Kardashian says.

"Girl moms treat their daughters like baby dolls" This kinda hit tbh, after elementary school i always felt a shift in my moms behavior. Growing up she always described missing when i was a baby, as I was "just like a little doll for her to dress up". Of course she didnt mean to be malicious, but it very much is the "girl mom" experience without the terminology. I think something that might be lost in the conversation is that once you gain more of a sense of personhood, including identity, nuance, flaws, self expression, etc. you are no longer given that same adoration. The other day my mom sent me a picture from my senior prom last year, she sent it with the message "I've been staring at this picture and couldn't believe it. You look just like a doll." (This is months after I was outted as trans) I didn't know why, but it frustrated me, even though it was a compliment. I could only think "I'm not a doll, I'm a person. I'm an individual person." I think this video articulated why, so thanks

The open display of this sub culture is especially disturbing to me because I come from a country with a history of female foeticide and infanticide because parents here want boy children and dislike having the ‘burden’ of having girl children so much

I am a trans man. My mother and father do not accept. They said they did not raise me like this. I truly think parents raise genders and mini-thems then people.

As someone who is currently pregnant with my first child, I find this pretty disturbing. I think it's normal to want to share things and bond with your kids, but if you're putting yourself and your desires first that's not ok. If my child grows up to be a good person, I'll consider that I've succeeded. If they're also happy and healthy and able to have fulfilling relationships with people who are not just me, I won't have anything else to wish for.

while the phrase "boy mom" is new. the idea is not. there are countless stories of moms putting their boys on a pedestal and they can't do anything wrong but the daughters are nitpicked and can't do anything correct. the daughters get the front of the emotional and controlling abuse. there are obviously moms who are the opposite where the sons get the emotional abuse and the daughters can do whatever. but to me this seems more rare. and what I think it more rare is a mom or dad that treat their sons and daughters the same. so it is deeply concerning there are people who are openly a "boy mom" when they also have daughters. they are essentially openly saying "I am a horrible parent" but bragging about it. ....

Defigning pick-me-ism as a phase in adolescence makes so much sense to me! I experienced it right at the time I was old enough to sense that somehow society demands so much of my female self and body while seeing the male as superior. However I did not understand yet that what I experienced was misogyny and sexsism. And I was not strong enough to embrace my feminity the way I want to and stand up against misogyny yet. I actually am kind of proud of myself for fighting against the female stereotype which I truly didn't fit in at the time. But I also hurt for my past self that I did so by devalueing feminity and pretty much all girls my age. But how could I have known better?

i used to think i was a "pick me" because i truly didnt feel like other girls even tho i never put girls down for liking things i didnt - turns out i was just nonbinary the whole time i think genuine pick-me-ism is a classic human reaction to the danger of misogyny, thinking that if u offer up someone else to the sacrificial pyre u will be safe. it sucks that so many ppl get hurt in the process of ppl figuring out that things dont work that way

As a currently pregnant anarchist, navigating pregnancy forums and subreddits is absolutely soul crushing. The amount of pregnant people bemoaning their "gender disappointment" when they find out the gender of their own child is heartbreaking, and the enabling echo chamber that ensues of "your feelings are perfectly valid! it's okay to mourn the child you imagined!" is positively disgusting. I'm so grateful for this video as it feels like a lifesaver in a sea of misogyny and child hatred; I'm particularly grateful for the last section where you discuss the rights of children. Thank you very much for this.

As someone who grew up in India where female foeticide is still a thing in many areas it is HORRIFYING to hear this rhetoric in the "progressive west" because these are the same people who will call us misogynistic and hold up their own countries as the flag bearers of feminism

One of my favorite comments I saw on "Sarah's" vide3o about her kids weddings was something to the effect of "I highly doubt you'll be invited to your daughter's weddings"

The cis-hetero normativness gets me every time. Like you are 1. Assuming your son is going to stay a son & 2. That he won't bring home a boyfriend

Good grief, Frued would of had a field day with these folks. Hell, they prove him right. And saying that as a psych major brings me immeasurable pain.

Where i come from, a country that insects arabic and african culture, boy moms are the norm. Moms are obsessed with their boys and their boys can do no wrong. Growing up i realised it can be partly due to not loving their husbands (whether its an arranged marriage or marrying young and falling quickly out of love with their husbands) and them diverting all of that emotion into their boys, the man they molded who is "perfect in everyway for me, if he just wasn't my son"

As a transmasc, the part about AFAB children being raised as "dolls" really resonated with me. My parents divorced when I was very young, and my dad always made the observation that my mom treated me like her little doll. It was something that bothered both my dad and myself. Once, my mom said that she lives vicariously through me, right in front of me. And yes, that was the wording she used. She was speaking especially in reference to my clothing, but I wouldn't be surprised if this extended to other parts of life as well. I started struggling with an eating disorder when I was about 11 or 12 years old. I'm doing better now for the most part, and I'm at a healthy weight, but for years, I was noticeably thin. My mom expressed concern over my weight and eating habits, but also overtly treated my thinness as ideal. She wanted me to eat more and take care of my body, but she also expressed excitement at the fact that her own "daughter" was the first person in generations to end up so thin. When she mentioned that she lives vicariously through me, she specifically said that I can wear clothes that she can't, because I was thin, and she's much larger than me. I think that her negative image of her own weight was a big contributor to my eating disorder, and I don't think she ever realized that. She's happy that I've gained a healthy amount of weight now, but that weight gain was only able to happen after I moved out. On a somewhat related note, I sometimes wonder if my mom envies how openly queer I am. She always loved the pride flags I had in my room, and was disappointed when I took some of them down (e.g. I took down my pansexual flag once I realized my attraction isn't genderblind). She has also said things every now and then that have made me wonder if she is closeted, or has feelings about her own identity that she's too afraid to explore as a woman with a husband and kids. Things like "I was bisexual once, but I grew out of it" or "sometimes I wonder if things would be better if I had married a woman." I think that a lot of mothers have issues that they just haven't worked through, and they end up projecting those things onto their kids, or they end up living vicariously through their kids because they're too afraid to take those steps themselves.

As someone who has seen three generations of Boy Moms (my grandmother, my mother and my older sister) it’s wild to hear them complain about how they were treated vs their brothers and then continue the cycle

My mom named me after her childhood doll and used me like one until I pulled away and chopped off all my hair. After that I was dead to her and her attention went fully to my older brother. I was 7.

Bless you for showing a stock shot of a woman in her '70s and calling it "middle age." I don't even care that it's not accurate; I'm just happy there's some small corner of the internet that isn't making another "turning 30 equals death" insinuation. 💗

I've seen this "boy mom" attitude play out in real life, and the incredibly damaging repercussions it can produce in adults. (CW: mentions of SA, physical abuse) My ex was extremely abusive (S*xually, emotionally, and physically) as well as a pathological liar. He would lie about innocuous pointless things constantly, but also bigger things, like inventing a traumatic past; a history with self harm, an abusive ex girlfriend, and a supposed physically abusive dad. I believed him, of course, because I loved him. I felt massive guilt and pressure to get him away from this situation, so he moved in with me and my mum as a teenager - to get him away from his toxic home life. When we went to visit his family, the lies started to peel away, I learned more and more about his life, and that nothing added up. When I asked some (innocent, but damming in retrospect) questions to his mum, she - unprompted - asked if he had ever "done something to hurt me". I thought this meant she must know something, and she wanted to help. Without me saying anything, she then proceeded to tell me that "he tells little porkie pies sometimes". Then told me verbatim that, sure, she likes her daughter, but its nothing compared to the unending love for her son, he was "My beautiful, perfect little angel. He will never do wrong in my eyes" - and It showed. They way she communicated between them was completely different. She then finally, subtly threatened me, insisting that no one would believe me if I ever spoke up, because he's perfect, and it must be some kind of mistake, and he would never try to hurt anyone. So she did know, and she just didn't care. After many years of hindsight, I've started to piece together the many, many, signs of something insidious about her relationship to her son. I think some of his trauma was real, but I think he changed the characters to cope. His entire understanding of consent was broken from the start, and these kind of obsessive parent/child relationships are unhealthy at best, and extremely damaging at worst.

The babies in dresses era wasn't that long ago either. I have a picture of my great-grandfather as a baby in a white frilly pinafore.

I can’t believe Kim actually said that 😮‍💨 and the whole myth abt being pregnant with a girl taking your beauty is so stupid and people really say it like it’s a fact 🙄

I wonder if these boy moms are using their sons as a substitute for male attention because they are not otherwise getting it from their husbands or partners. It gives them an outlet to dote and be doted on by a man who they can also influence into becoming their ideal partner without much pushback like their grown husband would

the color grading is giving me dopamine

I think how "girl dad" has evolved is actually kind of interesting? I have...thoughts about Kobe Bryant, but he was using it in a context of "excelling at sports isn't a masculine thing that only boys can do, having all daughters doesn't mean they can't be as good as or better than me in sports," which isn't about dating or reinforcing traditional femininity (as I feel like it sort of become on social media) but more challenging the idea that sports and athletic excellence are coded as male.

I was my mother’s “best friend”. And it’s taken years of therapy to undo that damage

the human doll thing hits hard, i swear some people have kids because they actually want a little purse dog

I was an only child and my mom was a boy mom. 100% not the worst sterotype of a boy mom by far but she was heavily invested in the idea of my 'maleness' to a degree that always made me uncomfortable. Lots and lots of comments growing up about how raising boys is better, being glad to have a boy/only wanting a boy, how I was going to be a heart breaker, teasing that any girl I was friendly with I had a crush on and lots and lots of comments about my sexuality and manlieness which were strange to me because I was a child and a very femenine one at that. When I was a teenager there were even more off comments about my sexuality. Lots of 'you're not allowed to date until you're 30' type of jokes. Comments about how girls would be all over me and I need to be careful. There was also the classic of her refering to every girl I was dating or interested in as a slut/whore. There was also the lack of privacy and independence as though she had a right to have access to every faccet of my life weather I wanted it or not, even well into adulthood. There was just a lot of investment into this idea that I would grow up to be a strong smart sexy and desireable man which left me with a sense of failure and depression as I failed to live up to what was imagined for me even more so when, with the most possible irony, I turned out to be a trans woman.

The part about the parent viewing the child as an extension of themselves really resonated with me. I’m a trans guy and when I came out to my parents, my mom took it very poorly (my dad too but that’s another story). Mostly my mom was disappointed because in her own words “she raised me to have the life she didn’t have when she was younger.” And looking back, her reaction was really unsurprising. My mom expressed the same grievances when I decided to pursue history and liberal arts instead of STEM like she did when she was younger. In the end, I think having a child for her was partly a way to fulfill her personal dreams. She wanted to live vicariously through me in a way and that led her to see me as an extension of herself. Anyways, that was a great and very insightful video!

i may not be a girl anymore, but i'll always be the eldest daughter of a boy mom. god's strongest soldier

literally after you mentioned stereotypes of black people and showed the watermelon picture i got an ad for watermelon deodorant… wtf youtube

Family vlogs always freaked me out as a kid while my friends loved it. I think i was just ahead of my time😔

"You're not raising a therapy session." This!

This made me remember that every time my mom is out with my brother she always make it extra clear to every stranger they talk to that he’s her son

i cant believe a Shanspeare video is how i learned Kim K has 4 kids

I grew up with a mommy blogger as a mother and she used my brother's disability as an excuse for not teaching him boundaries. She also likes to sexualize his behaviour and post it for her Facebook followers to see.

I got into an argument and eventually banned someone from my twitch stream about this, and now I feel validated. Thanks. They even said they treat their daughters just as well despite using the term boy mom to describe themselves. But she was still giving me mega red flag vibes because she refused to recognize their was any pattern of misogyny in the "boy mom" community.

My mom frequently told people, right infront of me, that it was so much easier raising boys than girls. Which is bull because I was a pretty quiet/chill kids and she'll admit that when pressed. She was a boomer boy mom.

It's really sad how these women treat their children like emotional support animals to the detriment and neglect of their other kids.

My mother is somehow a frustrated boy mom who only ever had girls. The internalized misogyny is out of this world. 😐

i know it’s pretty extreme considering the topic “tiktok boy mom 😭🎀”, but lately i’ve been thinking a lot about the quote that marguerite duras makes about her mother’s relationship with her eldest son, in her book l’amant: “she asked for him to be buried with her. i don’t know where, in which cemetery, i just know it’s in the loire. both in the same grave. just the two of them. it’s as it should be. an image of intolerable splendor.”

it occurred to me that when a woman has a son, he may be the first man that she feels like she actually has full control over, not to mention that she feels like she's entitled to unconditional eternal love from them. its kind of a scary and not very kind interpretation, but i think it might subconsciously be a part of the boy mom trend. it also kind of blends into the internalized misogyny aspect of it, that by obsessively raising this son that you project yourself onto, you can perform masculinity through him.

Anyone who has ever said "I love my kid, but..." is not a cool person.

My deeply cynical take is human societies often end up along 'might makes right' lines, so that's why children's personhood will be the very last frontier of human rights, because the average 5 year old just can't beat up the average 40 year old. This doesn't make it ethical for parents to view their kids as inhuman property that they own, just kinda makes it inevitable.

As a man, I can confirm that I stole all the beauty from both of my parents at birth.

Thank you for bringing up children's rights. Parental agendas are a problem, full stop. I wanted to add is that, here in India, women "spoiling" their sons and being overly permissive is often a bid for future security and control, since their adult son will be a breadwinner and have the social respect and influence she herself never will. Often men will treat their mothers with contempt despite this, because misogyny spares nobody. Now that more women are financially independent, adult daughters often support their parents - but they aren't lauded, praised or even acknowledged like adult men are, and it's surreal.

I wonder if perhaps the idea these moms share of "owning" their children are tied to the idea of a women's worth being their ability to bear children. The reason they believe they "own" these kids and can do whatever they please to them is because they were taught that's the only thing they will ever be worth in the eyes of society. Even for fathers, the idea their kids are sentient beings with feelings and opinions of their own baffles them because that's not what they were taught. They were taught that kids are essentially moldable dolls they keep forever and ever, because a women is only useful for kids. It scares them that kids have opinions, feelings, thoughts etc because kids have been so dehumanized that they no longer see them as humans but as again, dolls.

My experience as a trans man, son of a very toxic mother, was wild. As soon as I came out to her, on a phone call when I was 27, she immediately started having this boy mom mentality, unheard of her from the internet due to her age and discovering tiktok recently (this was a couple of years ago). This weirded me out a lot, she had never acted that way towards me before, and this was waaaay before any sort of medical transition, or even entirely social. I was already living on my own, but she would send me love songs when she was drunk and stuff like that, to the point that I had to ask her nicely to stop this because it wasn't right at all. While I'm grateful of her positive reaction, it did came with another set of problems after all.

I will say when I say "Im going to be the parent I needed" I mean it in the way of, I needed her to UNDERSTAND my needs. She was a good mom but not in the way I specifically needed

My mom was a boy's mom. I don't talk to her anymore. She wonders why.

Multigenerational female competitiveness is a toxicity I'm glad to have broken out of. I have struggled to have healthy relationships with women, including my own daughter, because I struggle to understand what my role is in this world, or how to apply the femininity I already don't feel safe in. Edited to add: I'm 6 minutes in and I know you're going help me understand a lot of where my self-esteem issues come from, as my mother was a very pick-me type. She reinforced a lot of gender role conformity, and woman-hating at the same time. Being a nonbinary person really made that a lot harder to grow up in.

Most adult women of the older generation are pick mes in my country . Being a “not like other girls” girl is mild. A pick me will endanger her own children to protect her own marriage, ignore her friends when they speak up against the abuse they encountered etc. That’s why they’re so dangerous

My late grandmother loved to tell everyone how when I was born everyone was disappointed I wasn't born a male. I doubted it until my little brother was born a few years later. He was everyone's favorite (especially my mom's). It definitely affected me negatively and I was forced to grow up quickly. Favoring the male child, even when they are grownup, is very common with Latino families.

Very interesting video essay. Great explanation of internalized sexism! Also recently learned about sibling abuse, specifically sibling rape. Often the mistreatment of girls to favor boys can lead to gendered violence and rape. Actually scarily common!!! And often never caught or punished. Sibling abuse is theorized to be 5x more common then parent-child incest. (Hattery and Smith : social dynamics of family violence

Loved thos video. Has anyone ever heard that some people even say that raiseing boys is "easier" thsn raising girls. It seems to be because theh dont police their boys' behavior or how people treat them

wanted to say, you are one of the most well-spoken, organized, informative and funny youtubers.

i’m one of two children (i’m afab, mostly femme presenting, and my brother is cis). my mom is my best friend. we’ve spent endless amounts of time together; my brother and i are 12.5 years apart, meaning we were essentially raised as only children. my mother chose not to send me to preschool and instead to spend time taking me to local museums, libraries, and other “centers of cultural enlightenment” (in her words). she taught me how to thrift shop, how to grocery shop, how to admire art, how to have conversations, basically how to be a person- especially, how to be a woman in a world that frowns upon it so highly. now i’m nearly twenty and my mother is my best friend. i tell her everything and rely on her. she makes life so much easier to handle. i always feel such a sorrow for daughters of “boy moms.” our mothers are ourselves in a trick mirror, even if we want to deny it. i have my mom’s nose, her sense of humor, and her sense of justice. my mom was the one who taught me how to BE in a world that doesn’t want me to be (anything but a submissive homemaker, sometimes). the bond between mother and daughter (or femme aligned child, whatever you’d like to say) is so sacred to me. this is a bit of a ramble, but i just always get so sad seeing girls shunned by their mothers- i wish i could give them just an ounce of the love i have for my mother and she has for me.

Starting to think my parenting philosophy of "I am raising an independent person and it is my responsibility to ensure she is prepared to live independently while also being the best version of herself that she can be" is apparently a minority position? I'm extremely fortunate in that my daughter is by and large willing to listen to me and abide by expectations (nothing weird just stuff like "be home before dark" and "let me know where you are" and "don't do crimes that would be a massive headache for both of us"), but I think that's because her mother and I have always respected her autonomy, have always explained our reasons to her and included her in decisions like schooling, activities and whatnot. Not a perfect parent by any means, but the more I see of parenting social media the less I want to do with any of it.

I actually witnessed a toxic "boy mum", I'll call her 'Tulip'. Tulip let her son (4, but he was big for his age) do any and everything to her daughter (7, normal height, very slender) who would get in trouble if she wasn't "protecting" him 25/8. Tulip hit both of them but it was by far and away the daughter who had it worse, she couldn't do right for doing wrong. One day she was hit in front of me, a wicked smack to the face which caught her eye too and I left without even finishing Tulip's hair, I just walked out and went home. On the way, Tulip's mother in law called me acting all oblivious and making excuses. She said 'No, she only slapped her arm' (a classic excuse, she couldn't see from the kitchen anyway, she only heard the scream and came out to see what happened). Apparently Tulip bought her a bunch of toys so 'All is forgiven' as the mother in law put it. Tulip's friend and her two were there, that friend was the one who comforted Tulip's daughter, not her grandmother. I don't know what the daughter was doing with her pent up anger but she couldn't do anything to Tulip, her brother or grandmother...or her dad who treats her mum like crap. He had another girlfriend and kid swiftly after he and Tulip broke up because he was in prison. He's the handsy type of creep too.

My sister's mother-in-law is like this. It's so awful. At their wedding she told my sister that "she was so lucky to marry such a handsome man." The mom threw a fit when she found out that she was not going to have the first dance of the reception with her son.

My best friend is the daughter of a "boy mom"-- of that personality-type and flavor of favoritism. I heard her complain about it all the time growing up. Now as an adult, what do you think has happened? My friend and her sister resent their mother and want nothing to do with her, and their brother finds their mother over-bearing and annoying. He and his wife (whom apparently mommy-dearest is very hostile towards) moved juuuust far enough out of the city that impulse visits (which were common pre-marriage) aren't possible. Point is, all that weird favoritism just got her terrible relationships with all of her children-- the "favorite one" actively trying to even get away from her.

“The Congo” is a more colonial term, it’s just referred to as Congo or DRC