Yes she is ❤

But we need to make sure what has been happening to us in disguise of the sincere relationship until we will have found out ourselves. It is inevitable and very crucial

Right

My daughter is the same way. She said to me yesterday that if I keep letting her talk to me and try to guilt me into hearing what she has to say, then she is going to try and wedge her way back in. So, after a very difficult and emotional day yesterday of speaking with my ex, I am going no contact. Kids are smart and intuitive, they just don't usually give their input unless they find it necessary, depending on the situation.

Truth! Go you!

Smart move! I left a lot of people behind to get away from the narcissist. No contact was my only option.

💯💯💯

I really don’t care about them hearing about me but I sure do not want to know anything about them.

People who triangulate with the narc are definitely enablers (flying monkeys -do we still say that?). It demonstrates their loyalty to the narc. It is required. Narcs need, want, expect everyone to accept their version of the truth and therefore should demonize the perpetrators- shun them, talk badly about them, etc.

To whom we give too much power, I'd add.

@@dianas2766 The power people give them is a matter of choice but the consequences for others of the narcissist's behaviour are not.

So true ! 😀

Truly is "terrible two year old" mentality, but the narcissist refuses to learn and cannot be disciplined.

🎯

Yes, in the past couple of years, I realized I had a lot of fake friends siding with the narcissist and excusing her bad behavior. The fake friends don't see their part at all in the smear campaign against me.

keep doing you !

I allow Real Friends to prove themselves by telling me what I Already Know. If you are associating with trash, the burden of proof isn't my problem

Exactly 💯

@@HealingMyselfIsTheFocusheyyyy I escaped this in early January, it does change and I have friends again and it was scary af because I really don’t trust people anymore but I’m getting there. These people don’t realise just how much they’ve helped heal me just by being friendly and opening up their friend circle to me. Please please don’t lock yourself away, try and learn to trust again ❤

Oh fun, narcissism plus patriarchy and misogyny, I know that combo well. Having any boundaries and not accepting that they view you as their slave equals "you don't understand what FAMILY is". To them, family means breeding your own slaves.

Never answer again...they'll push you into self doubt, self blame and you end up people pleasing till they leave and you're right back to self guilt for allowing them to invade your personal space. This happened to me and my husband just recently..we haven't spoken to his parents 3mths ago,ever since.they showed up unannounced. It wasn't ok to allow their ambushed entitled behaviour, pls don't fall for it.✌🏽💕

Hugs, Comfort, and Strength.

Heel goed dankjewel 😊

It's not a productive response unless you're planning to follow up with no-contact, but 'If you're so ashamed to admit I'm your daughter, then stop admitting I'm you're daughter and stay away" is awfully tempting.

Truthfully, interestingly well said!

The correct quote is "no more than an eye for an eye". It is about compensation for injuries (including a thourough investigation of what the value of an eye is). This is what happens when we don't go to original sources. 🙄 This delineates the difference between using and manipulating quotes, as it inflames the reader/hearer with an insinuation of revenge vs justice.

Gee, I understood what you meant and didn’t feel inflamed at all. Well said.

That's why I didn't even tell him I was leaving and my reasons why. I just left.

And it becomes soooo exhausting!

My biggest regret apart from marrying him, I gave up my job and independence, now 30 years later I have nothing, until the divorce is settled, he has full financial control, bastard.

Yes how I survive amen🎉😊

@@hannahhughes4801 I understand you😞And I wish for you to get your freedom as soon as possible 🙏🙏

Amen. I refused to quit my job. Oh yeah, he worked behind the scenes to smear me, but it didn't work.

@@twovirginiacats3753 You did the best👍💯

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde to the max. Optics optics optics.

At the age of 53 I first time have heard about what narc perdonality is and how terible to live with narc. And I am in horror because I have found out that my derest one is narc. Refleting the past I understand there were my contributions to forming such a personality but the past cannot be changed. Now I don't know what to do even I have listened so many podcats of Dr. Ramani. The more I listen the more I feel desperate

We are collateral damage.

Yup I agree my husband will do more for a stranger than his family

If I never stick up for myself and stay silent, he gets nastier with me because he thinks I'm a meek wimp and I won't fight back, perfect target for him whenever he feels like letting loose!!!

Good for you! That completely resonates with me and I support you 100% in that.

Amen!

I'm agreeable, but refuse - now, after two years of trauma therapy - to lower my standards and moral compass for anyone. I now set boundaries; an unfamiliar concept to me until two years ago.

You point out narcissist people at every angle, and their flaws. we aware of their delusional, who they are.... The truth is, no one ever can bush you something against your interest or what you don't want or interfere your value and what you believe because that's is not about change personality, when it comes to that, i strong believe that we can win that...

@@MohamedTuuraaye-cl5oy I’ve had it with narcissists. I clearly know who they are because I was raised by them and they ruined my life. That’s why I listen closely and intently to Dr. Ramani because she’s the expert.

Wow.

​@@Auntemem Yup.. He did not even pretend.

That’s a bummer. I’m glad you know to not waste your precious time and energy tho .

@@ChaChaWitYa It was actually a quite liberating "Oh! It wasn't me!!" moment.

At least he was overt about it. My experience, they were covert, they know how horrible it is to say that outright so they rather diminish your self esteem in ways that show you they hate you. While also manipulating you and saying they do love you. Congratulations for getting the truth and being free ❤

YES!!

Omg the amount of energy I have wasted (and still am) over this issue!!!

yes, it's effing mind games!

Yep. That's free labor that they're demanding from you because their gods/angels/astrology sign/whatever told them that they DESERVE it. You're supposed to be The Teacher™ and teach them to be better and/or "be more informed" FOR FREE. My response... 🚶🏿‍♀️

Yes they want to make you make then a better person, but I've told him too many times it's an inside job!

I have been in a online relationship with this Lady for 20 months.There was a time I thought she might be a Romance Scammer. Now I know that she is a full blown Narc.I have been in many relationships and am friends with most of my ex's . Now I think I am going crazy. I block her and delete all her contacts yet I keep turning them back on thinking she will change. Now she is pushing me to move in with her after she has flaked on me 5 different times we were to meet in person. I know 100% that is a terrible idea. She has been really nasty to me for months and every once in a while she will love bomb me and send a couple sexy pics etc. Now because i wont do what I know I should do( run from her) . I think I am flipping stupid and crazy. I've lost my grip on reality.

❤

Same! One day at a time

Omg - exactly the same situation!

40 years… I didn’t know what was wrong. Kept thinking it was me. I’m just a couple of months away from being able to move out. Trying to hold myself together until that time. One day at a time.

I am too.

30’yeara left 2 weeks ago today .. my advice , get over them while your there .. as long as your safe x

May I ask you what could be done to protect yourself but still not antagonize the narcissist? I am tired of the harassment that follows

@augustineschaefer5522 , thanks , I needed a reminder

@@Greenawareness188 apparently me too….love them as people at best from a distance but lazy bullies who can’t evolve get left behind. Cut and cauterize that malarkey.

They are a petulant child just awful.

Exactly. But its tiring. I cant stand him anymore..

I calmly ask my narc brother if he's done after he throws a tantrum. I also have said to him, "you know nobody thinks exactly like you do, right?"

Can you do the latter?

I had to physically move away about 4 months ago. It took me almost 30 years of trying to be unaffected by him. I'm so much happier and freer now.

I just moved across the country from them a month ago, and I can choose not to pick up the phone!

Until the narcissist intentionally moves to where you live.

My narc dad wanted to run me out of town, that hasn't and won't happen. I win!

Yessssss!!! 🙌

Truth!!!!!!!!!

This is EXACTLY how my mom and me and my sister relate to my dad. None of of us make enough money to be financially independent and mom doesn't believe in divorce. Even if i was financially independent, i would not feel comfortable leaving my mom alone with my dad. He's been verbally and emotionally abusive my whole life. He has gone into rages before where i was truly scared fists would start swinging.

I’m in a similar boat as well. Just waiting to start working full time so I can get a mortgage then I’m out with the kids. I just ignore him. He drops his ‘comments’ as I call them but I just pretend I didn’t even hear him. It’s driving him nuts which I am secretly enjoying in my head.

I've been struggling with angry, repetitive rumination about all the nuttiness, nasty games, and injustice, but this makes sense. If you write it all out, then you know it is contained/held somewhere. It's also a safe place to get things "said" without further repercussions. Thanks!

And it also helps to admit in front of yourself how you feel and what's going on in the relationship. For a long time I chose to live in denial how emotionally abusive it was. Writing it down pen on paper and keeping it helps to see the reality.

That's good advice. Pain and grief tend to fade with time. I found it helpful to reread my journal whenever I felt the hoovering starting, or if I started to miss my narc. Helped my resolve to stay no contact a lot!

I'm scared to journal because my narc mother has in the past taken my journal and got offended by my feelings and even went as far as to write her own feelings on paper, like on side of my writing "seriously?? How can you say that ..." etc etc so I don't feel safe

​@@1236alexaGet a small, personal safe/lockbox where you are the only one with the key. Put your journal inside. Your Mom should not be reading/responding to your private writings. If you can't get a box, start an e-journal on your computer, where you are the only one with access. You have to always try to stay one step ahead of these folks if you must be around them. All the best.

Be patient with yourself. The narc has taken the spider role. Dismantle 😅 the web and perhaps 😂weave a basket.

Building up and taking the high road never enables destructive behavior.

Your on the way free, ur seeing the brain fog & 19 months ago @ age 58 I couldn't describe what has happened. A construction worker who couldn't read his tape measures to make a cut. Raking leaves was ABOUT all I could do & be able to finish. I'm doing much better & my Narc mum is showing her milage cuz it's hers to keep, not mine❤.

INFP here. Mostly been dealing with an ESTP…one of the most likely to become a sociopath I’ve been told, (dare I add “lol”?) … exhausting individual.

​@@SophieBird07interesting

You can change to the extent that you learn what boundaries are and how to enforce them….if you get tired of always being the wounded victim. I did.

I’m also InFJ .. we feel that negative energy and can read it me ( body language ) I had a very malignant narc stepfather who wasn’t shy at using a belt ..

I’m an INFP and the narcissistic men I’ve been in relationships with have been INTJ (two of them), ENFP and the worst narc of them all - was an ENTP.

I've tried so hard to keep calm and composed as a way to communicate clearly and resolve issues. It's like the rodeo, how long can you hang on for while you're constantly being interrupted and talked over as they go through all of their narc tricks to divert and confuse. There really is only two options for normal and healthy people, and objective dialogue isn't it. Leave or don't leave.

100%!!!!❤

Oh yes. She knows exactly what we are dealing with. Thank the Lord for Dr.Ramani!!!!!

😂😂😂 That’s EPIC.

Epic reply… cannot think of a better word to describe my mil

My MIL makes onions cry when she cuts them.@@HRHackworth

@@livesolarge lol

Radical acceptance, exactly 😊

Sounds like my situation

Same here. You are not alone 💚💚💚

Kudos to you! You've got awareness and insight. Imo, that's the first step toward healing and transcending. Your relationship sounds exactly like the relationship between my mom and dad. She was a caring, empathetic, loving person--exactly what my dad needed. She kept hoping for and wanting him to change, but he never did. My mom's love and good heart saved me from a narcissistic dad and even more narcissistic older siblings. I have more love and respect for my dear mom now than ever before. Keep being your sweet self. Good luck

Foggy, yes!!! This is really a thing. I'm so glad to learn I'm not losing it

@azurea0587 Thank you for sharing this. This comment means everything. I have children.

Good girl

Isn't it interesting,... to see the law of reciprocity work in relationships. Blessings

@@teresapotts3476 you as well 💪

too late.

Easier said than done.... Mainly because it creeps up on you slowly, before you know what is happening... And those of us who never knew what narscissisism was, it takes us longer to put the pieces of the puzzle together

Wish I was stronger back then, now I'm paying the price 30 years later,.

@@hannahhughes4801 remember you aren't alone... It doesn't help except to make us feel like less of a fool... I have been beating myself up for years .. at least now I can move forward a little better

It isn’t easy, but it is worth it.

A quiet spineless women never changed the world

Sad stuff

Well said. They ruin innocent people’s lives.

It will be a waste of an excorcism😂Demons dont want to leave a person so closely identifying with them😂 they only leave those who want to change and act on it

Not easy to do. They are total twits and coward. Well done. ❤

So happy for your growth!!! ❤🎉

I did but it made the situation more worst but I also did for my own integrity

Sam Vaknin explains the why. There were so many questions I had to why people behave the way they do, and his content is very good for that.

That's me as well 😊

I’m an introvert and I am most comfortable at home

You are my people 😂

I'm with you❤

I'm so exhausted! This video is an exact playbook on my relationship with my 24-year-old daughter. How eye-opening this video has been. I've spent many emotionally traumatizing days and nights, hoping things will be better, to realize that that's an unreasonable expectation. It's so disheartening.😢

Yes, it is so hard with my daughter no contact

❤

This is a tough situation, because when another person can pretend to have empathy, they accuse you of being the problem for everything. Then, as you go to a counselor and start working on healing yourself and pursuing self-love, then this person will use what you told them as a new weapon to criticize, belittle, brainwash and scold you more. Speaking from experience. Ugh.

Make a list of the relationship rights you both have. You'll find the places where only she has rights and you have none. And if you argue for one right (right to express your emotions with words), if she's like the others I've known, she'll try to take other rights from you (like the right to have your own passwords etc).

@@steggopotamus About a month ago I realized she was going through my phone at night after I fell asleep. Then checked my browser history and saw she was doing the same on my computer. I changed the passwords then the very next day she started a fight saying i was toxic for changing my passwords. I told her i will share anything she would like to know, however i feel like she is being disrespectful for just going through my personal phone and computer without asking me first. She blew up.

@@christophercollins9933 sounds right, sadly. You deserve better. Keep making those lists, it will help it all stick in your head better how she really super doesn't care about equality or reciprocation in the relationship, just control control control.

Run while you can !

I am in the same situation. My grandpa dying in days , my grandma sending messages to my boyfriend so that we come and visit to say goodbye. He didn’t even mentioned she contacted him!!! He didn’t even shaken his head when I told him I am going to my grandparents because it’s already very bad situation with my grandpa, it’s a home hospice now. He didn’t even looked at me from screen with a video game. Not even told anything comforting not something that „you should say” in such situation. How come they can be so detached? I wonder if they would cry at their patents funeral ?

I hear you. When my brother was hit by a car and killed my narcissist husband made me drive 13 hours alone to my hometown to help my mother with everything. I later said something I guess guilted him and he drove in but left early. All he cared about was himself. Its hard driving that far crying but I did it.

I’m so sorry for everyone 😢

Sorry for your loss.I can relate to your situation. When my baby son died my narcissist mom cleaned the bathroom and called my father to show him how sparkling clean it became after her magical touch.Three days later I remembered my baby and cried and she said that she remembered her brother who died when he was a baby over 50 years ago .she called me one day pretending that she is asking about me then told me thank God at least you still have your kids and husband but what about me? I was shocked she didn't pass through this experience, she is living with my dad there is no comparison I know she must always be more hurt more tired more more but even when my baby died she is more hurt for no reason?! These mothers will be in a hell specially made for them not even with the normal people .They do worse than killing innocents they kill us while a life and leave us with all the problems we have because of our childhood.

So very sorry for your loss. 😢 Hope you're doing alright. Try to put the narc out of your mind, and concentrate on your Dad at this time. You and your family members who truly loved your father, can comfort/be there for each other. You don't need the narc and all its drama; especially now. They use situations like this to garner attention for themselves, as morbid as that sounds. Peace to you and your family. Hugs.

👍🌹😉😁

Christmas was exhausting having to be around my narc mother, I feel burnt out from every interaction with her 😩

@@Bea_Rosy are mothers supposed to drain us like that or make us feel ill when around? For me, I thought that was normal. Years ago I stopped hugging her goodbye, it felt forced and for show. I told myself she wasn’t an affectionate person (and she’s not), but at the same time when I did stop that, I felt better. Yet I hug my adult kiddos every chance I get.

@@Melissa_John3_16 No it shouldn’t be like that, but it took me til my 20’s to realise it wasn’t normal behaviour! Then when I had my daughter I realised how completely messed up the relationship and behaviour was, I would never ever do or say the things my mother did to me to my daughter. She’s in her 80’s now, I thought she might get less toxic but if anything it’s worse! The constant emotional blackmail that she might pass away any day, and I’ll regret not doing whatever the thing is she wants me to do at that moment!

I'm so sorry. I've been with mines for 3 years and I'm over it. It's more than exhausting it's demonic he's a straight demon!!

27yrs married to Mr Narcissist. I think bc the Lord loves me and I know it and rest in that, He has kept me. Little by little God has revealed to me things that my husband would do and eventually, after learning of Dr Ramani, I was able to put a name on it. Manipulation is the sin of witchcraft. When I had my back prayed for, there were about 4 different preachers tell me someone was working witchcraft on me. By Gods grace, I finally figured it out. I told my “Christian husband” he’s working witchcraft on me and God sees it. He refuted some, but I stood my ground in Jesus. He told me to stop telling him that, and I told him to stop with guilt trips and intimidation. God sees all and He is not happy about this. He eased off quite a bit! I don’t receive that garbage anymore and guess what? My back has not hurt me since.

Sounds like this was being said to that teen...

May I ask you why you are accepting this situation?

My mom was just like your husband. Dad’s income was “theirs” and her babysitting money was “hers.” After she died, we found small amounts of money hidden all over the house. Can’t take it with you…

Sounds like my ex brother-in-law

Do you have any tips for getting good at setting boundaries? I’m an empath too and have been working on it for a couple years now and have only made a little progress

I highly recommend that you pick up the book Boundaries by Drs Cloud and Townsend - it changed, and probably saved my life

UTube Terri Cole's work on boundaries...Awesome!@@mckaylamacrae5796

@@mckaylamacrae5796 Hi... The truth is, progress takes time. However, how much time is all dependant on the inner work you do on yourself and the various areas you accumulate knowledge in. It adds to your learning and understanding. It's like a Jigsaw puzzle, you gather different elements of knowledge along the way, nuggets of wisdom per say. You take understanding from it, but don't yet see the big picture. But one day, as you continue to gather knowledge (and you're the one who needs to seek out this knowledge) you come across something that speaks to you and it allows you to have a better understanding of everything else you've been educating yourself on. You now are able to clearly see all the pieces of the puzzle with clarity. They all make sense and come together clearly within your mind. For me, l wasn't aware of all the information out there and youtube videos such as Dr Ramani. I simply came from a disfuntional family and couldn't understand why my family members would exhibit certain behaviours. I wanted authentic, trusting and loving, non shallow relationship's with my siblings. To experience the same love and support l extended to them my entire life. And of course along the way, l experienced partners with toxic behaviours. As a deep and analytical person, l decided l would no longer continue to live and allow toxicity to rein in my life. My soul and spirit were saying No More. This was not what healthy looked like. But you don't know where to start or even what you're looking for. What l knew was l needed to seek out knowledge and understanding. I still remember nearly two decades back the words seek out family dynamics came to mind. I began to Google and google and from one search gaining knowledge that led me to another. And so on and so on. I began studying in different areas of psychology, that would help me understand other areas.of my life, that l wasn't seeking. That helped me understand more and more. Not only about my experiences but learning to understand myself and what l needed to work on. Changes l needed to make, and it wasn't easy! Some of us are born Empaths, some are created through circumstances (family dynamics) can play a huge role. Or it can be a combination. The discovery of your childhood experiences and how you grew up plays a major role in learning to understand yourself. This leads to learning about weak and strong boundaries and more so, understanding yourself and the work needed to be healthier within yourself. You can educate yourself from KZfaq video's, and listen to various different educator's. Everyone brngs something different to the table. I don't regret the year's it took me to learn everything l hear now in KZfaq video's if l feel.compelled to listen. It simply confirms the inner work l did on my own seeking.to gain understanding and grow from it in Life. I hope some of what l share is of help. Remember that the biggest investment you can make is to know yourself. This allows you to change what needs to change, grow, and mature along the way to becoming the best version of yourself. That leads to contentment and it's a journey. Good luck and l wish you well. Keep listening to various educator's. What l love about Dr Ramani is how authentic, transparent and leaves ego at the door. She's relatable, and allows her viewer's to know they're not alone as she too understands coming from her own experiences. Another woman who is amazing at helping people grow is Joyce Meyer. She's a practical common sense Bible teacher. You don't need to be a Christian to listen to this woman. Because of my own understandings, l know and understand this women has a vast knowledge on all areas of life through her own sufferings. Narcissism is one of them, she simply doesn't use the world's but expresses certain behaviours that you gain an understanding from a different angle when she speaks. Listening to her teachings will help you on your self discovery if you stick with it. It's food for the Soul. 🙏

Yes-@me! The former only punishes ourselves.

Their loss ❤

@@tiffcat1100 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘

@@rturney6376 Don’t look at yourself through their warped lenses! ❤️💜❤️

@@tiffcat1100 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰😻😻🙏🙏❤️❤️🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

You’re not alone! Same with my family. Lots of love to you

They would just move the goalpost. "Yes, you did this thing right this time, but you didn't do *new thing we never talked about*"

Good advice. It always works to copy and send back the same style of communication to the narc. Or to the complainer. Complain and whine worse or bigger than they do every now and then. It shuts them up for weeks at a time. Surprises and de-stabilizes them. They rely on your strength and confidence.... If you make it seem shaky... They back off. If you are not a basically self-knowledgeable and co fide t person this might be hard to do. Reverse psychology really works. You need to know you are living with the enemy. What do you to protect yourself against a virus? Employ same analysis to a person-virus or energy-vampire. Strategy. Use it.

I absolutely love not reacting (neutrality) to a narcissist like you speak of. Makes them furious because you aren't the narcissistic supply they so desperately need. They just try harder to get the response they want. Kudos to you. I did that to my 2 sisters even as young kids. I just didn't react. Made them nuts as they had not honed their narcissistic traits at that time. Now I just go full on no contact.

Someone I know had to get a restraining order against her HOA board member (who is a retired cop 👮🏻 L🤣L). Doesn’t look so great on one’s record.

I may have to do this. Thanks for the thought.@@KiKiQuiQuiKiKi

HOAs suck.

Good morning 😊

@@Greenawareness188 Good morning 👋

@youngblood 8540 , did you try to change yourself or the narc ?

@@Greenawareness188 The narc.

​@youngblood8540 oh man , That must have been disappointing .

I said the same!!! He was mad at me saying I was invalidating him for the consequences of his neglectful behaviour, silent treatment and triangulation, he even said I was mean and invalidating through my body language (after he said he HAD to go with me to an event I was sooo excited to go, and telling me to not to expect much from him) and I got sad, right after he said I was punishing him for his honesty. I told him Thank you for being honest and also gave him an apology, I asked him to tell me his needs and that I will do my best to meet them. He went to silent treatment for 4 days and then discarded me. It was really confusing. One week before this I asked him if I was meeting his needs, that I really wanted it to work out from a loving way. It is helpless. They will even take your words and project their actions on you to throw them back at your face and get away with their hands clean playing the victim.

I am sorry for both of us. No one deserves this treatment. What you say sounds so familiar. Take care - sending you a big hug!

Then asked him, "are you somekind of big toddler who cannot talk properly even when you wanna to eat?"😂