Games come from insecurities, control and ego. Who wants those types? Not me. Thank you!

When anyone ignores you for attention, leave; and you win their game and a healthy relationship lifestyle 🤗

It’s frustrating because a woman I had a crush on would ignore me if I gave her too much attention, but as soon as I got busy or pulled away (unintentionally) she would shower me with attention. It’s almost like she positively reinforced me ignoring her. I think this happens often and people LEARN to pull away because they are punished for being “too available.” Even so, I’ve learned that I want to be with someone who appreciates my attention without being bored by it. If they’ll only give me the attention I crave when I ignore them, then they aren’t my person.

It’s a shame that dating has came down to a game instead of being upfront and honest

the correct response to this type of behavior is to completely ignore them, delete their info and walk away. do you really want to date someone that acts this way?

Omg they all do this now . As soon as I see their “ create space to make them chase” and “ ignore her to make her obsess” I drop them immediately. I don’t tolerate it for one minute anymore. And power trips are born out of insecurity , I run from those creeps as soon as they start that shite

If someone ignores me, ghost me, or has an on and off communication pattern, I remove them from my life. I don't have time for games. If I'm in a social situation with that someone who is ignoring me I: a) ignore them b) acknowledge them politely but move on c) make them feel uncomfortable (which could be game playing but I got Game) it depends on the situation. But really I don't consider them worth my time.

Actually, don't bother at all because it will start and continue with games! Have self-respect people!

I'm tired of all the confusion it's ridiculous lol as we get older it gets worse 😂

Its a tactic that has scarred me. I will not tolerate and good luck to the children (men and women) that do these silly behaviors. Thank you Susan, I really appreciate your honesty :) Im 43 btw and still going through this crap.

Completely agree! It has ever thing to do with insecurity and not wanting to seem overly eager and desperate for your affection and attention. It’s self protection to force you to reveal your feelings for them, so they can avoid putting themselves out there.

"When I see somebody staring at me, I look, I smile and then If I really wanna counter them I walk right up and then I say : Hi, we haven't met before." OMG, I just want to be like youuuuuu. Queen.

It seems Everybody is playing game now a days and it is sad!

I asked my former friend if he was going to tlk to me consistently or not, he said NOT so I said don't worry about hearing from me again. That was June 27th.

These days ignoring games back fire a lot because it's too easy to keep in touch so everyone knows it's just bs. Yeah it will work a few times but eventually just creates confusion and distrust.

In the realm (glut! ;^) of KZfaq relationship "experts", your advice is rooted in a no-nonsense, mature and honest approach to topics. More psychologically versus emotionally-driven. Refreshing. Thanks much.

I unintentionally retract attention bc I get afraid I’m showing too much attention. I get giddy when I like someone like a teenager lol and then I get afraid I overdo it.

I ignore out of shyness. I can be friendly and natural to men I am not attracted to but if I like a man I get nervous. It is not intended as a game.

I'm embarrassed to say that I played hot/cold games unwittingly with a male coworker I had a crush on and only later realized the consequences of what I was doing. We started out well, had rapport and would banter with each other. He would acknowledge me whenever he saw me as we passed by each other either by waving/smiling and I would return them. He's a reserved guy so I especially liked the attention he gave me. What started off as a crush turned into strong feelings of infatuation and limerence for him. My feelings overwhelmed me and I felt like I was losing control over myself, so my solution was to avoid him. I snubbed him/pushed him away whenever he tried to catch my eye. I wouldn't acknowledge him like I used to. In a weird way during these moments, I secretly wanted him to rescue me from my feelings, primarily my insecurity, I guess. But I was protecting myself and just didn't want to make myself vulnerable to him. I've since then been getting therapy, but I unwittingly taught him how to treat me and he eventually stopped acknowledging me altogether. It really hurt and I realized what I had done. Recently, I decided to take ownership for my behavior. I was having a conversation with another coworker and was going to talk to my crush who was nearby, but he joined in on his own accord. I made sure to keep him engaged, and bantered whenever possible. It felt like he was being himself -- laughing at everything I said. The next day, we were hanging out in a group. He didn't stay long, he said a few lines to me but then excused himself for lunch. Later we saw each other in the kitchen, we entered around the same time. Our eyes caught each other's and he smiled at me over the distance and yelled out a greeting (which I don't think I've veer heard him do to anyone else). He then hovered/lingered a bit for me to catch up (which he used to do before I went cold on him). It felt like he wanted to say something more but he hesitated and his eyes then fell on some food that had been sitting on the counter and made it about that instead. I indulged him in the small talk. We talked while walking back to his desk (I was going to the washroom). I noticed that his steps were sometimes in tandem with mine and sometimes a little head. I hope my chances with this guy aren't ruined and that he likes me in a romantic way as I do and that he's not being just friendly. I read his actions to mean that he showed up present with me and it has inspired me to now do the same. Emotional honesty is so important in relationships, with oneself and with others. I wish I had learned this earlier on in my life.

Thank you for another great video Susan. I recently walked away from someone who was playing these childish hide and seek games. Why do people have to make everything so complicated? It's madness.

I was dating a guy for several months. He played hot and cold a lot. I finally got tired of it and so I had a very friendly adult conversation with him that we would make better friends. He agreed. We had a cordial parting. Our relationship was never physical but we spent a lot of time together and talked daily when we didn’t see eachother. Now he ignores me every time I see him in public. Won’t say hello or even make eye contact. I thought about asking him what’s going on but honestly that is WHAT HE WANTS so I am living my life and not showing him I am affected. Thanks for this video. It is definitely an ego thing and it comes from a place of immaturity and insecurity. Thanks Susan!***i need to add to this post****he sought me out again today after 3-4 weeks of acting like he didn’t know me when he saw me. This is his pattern. It’s been about 6 months of this hot and cold. In and out stuff. I told him I cannot keep playing this strange dating game with him and that it has to stop. So...we are probably back to the ignoring phase...What a mess! Stepping off the game board!***

Susan is such a badass! 😂

Love it Susan! Just have courage, be yourself, and state your desires for life. The chaff will blow away and you’ll find the wheat.

You are so logical and smart. Its insane! How true everything you are saying relates to most of the dating world. Going through this right now… whew my head is filled with confusion about my possible mutual attraction at work

Yep the guy I dating is controlling going thru this right now. I just blocked him. Don't have time. I don't chase!

You are among the fewest counsellors who teach us to be genuine, brave, honest and truthful, taking responsibility, operating in dignity and courage. Most of the dating coaches nowadays teach people to play games, to engage in tactics of manipulation, to be fake and to put on masks, to run away from people, etc. Thank you! God made things so clear from the beginning.

I would say: Next!

Going on past experience, when someone switches from warm to cool I assume the other person is uninterested, or has become uninterested in me, unless they warm up to me again on their own. If you become assertive after such warm to cold move, you may just widen the gap between the two of you.

I find that the people who all the sudden change it and ignore me it keeps me wondering, and definitely it does get my attention, and the ones that are constant with their attention that lose MY attention... everyone has insecurities and I realize it’s a game... when it’s happening I know, but it still keeps me guessing every time 😂 the game is always gonna be there so why not play along

This is so true. Have been experiencing this myself. First, they showed attention and now they stepped back. I think its partly my fault because I was taking slow. They definitely want me to chase now. Every relationship is different because we are different. I think the most important part to be confident and not be afraid of failure. Thank you Susan, very helpful.....blessings

Wow, such a great reminder to engage in direct communication. Yay to you for the guts to just walk up to a guy and say hello. That very powerful, effective and attractive.

I’ve never clicked on a video so quickly! Lol. You are awesome Susan 🤗

feel like girls do this a lot. especially when they sense they do not have control (in my experience). doing this to a man will only turn him off imo

I am so appreciative of you Susan. This type of advice is so wise and mature, unlike so many other dating channels. Thank you thank you 🥰 You are loved 🙏

I'm guilty of this. met someone that I quite liked. I thought we could start with a friendship and take it from there but it was a one way street. was only me making the effort to keep in touch. so I decided one day to just stop keeping touch. I still don't know if it's a good idea but it was all I can do to save my already bruised ego.

Nobody controls baby. This was great confirmation!!! I have a doctor that I work with and he tried this on me. I just kept my cool and didn't react. Mean while he was looking worried and confused. He finally stopped that nonsense when he figured out I was unbothered, He broke first and came back interacting with me. Explaining how much he liked me and do I like to do for fun. I knew he liked but just can't let him play manipulative games, I hate that crap Love the video.

Thats why i don't bother now everyman i have been out with do these games! As soon as they know you like them they do it!

Susan, wow, this is so interesting and insightful. I've experienced that scenario with 2 different women at the gym on 2 separate occasions., these were extremely cordial with me, we were texting regularly and were discussing going on dates, and in each of these 2 cases these 2 weirdos started ignoring me, and I had no clue why. At first I thought, maybe there were having a bad day, so naturally I pulled back and gave them some space, but the nonsensical behavior continued for a couple of weeks, so I decided I would never speak to them again because i found their behavior to be childish and thoughtless. Lo and behold, they have both been trying to get my attention now, they've tried putting themselves in close proximity when they see me, and sometimes conveniently using the machine next to mine, and I still don't acknowledge them. The truth is, I probably wouldn't be posting this message if I did not find them very attractive, but I get the impression that they don't necessarily want me, they just want my attention. Apologies for the very long message. Thoughts, suggestions everyone?

Met people who are hot and cold, deeply insecure, addicted to being chased and showered with attention and affection but won't as much as throw more than the occasional lovebomb and definitely never give a compliment, say anything to positively reinforce the other partner, leave alone validate them or celebrate them.

Thanks, great info. Very thought provoking. I believe I do some of this from lack of confidence and experience. Learn so much about myself from listening to you.

Susan you are such a- Wow Person!!! 💗Straight forward unmasking all the strategies leaves whoever is going your way unarmed!!! 💗💗💗

Love this. This happened to me at the gym. He was chatty and then suddenly silence for the past couple of days ! I know he wants me to chase

Any idea where I can get a talking Susan Winter doll, hip pocket size? I think my life would run more smoothly if I could consult with her regularly. Love your videos, Susan!

I love your advice and personality so much I’ve started watching videos that don’t even apply to my situation 😆 it’s like I just love your company for 5 minutes - you always make me laugh with your insights too.

People have done this to me on Facebook. I got tired of it so I deleted the Facebook app. Much happier now. And it’s true - such a head trip!

I'm going through this with a coworker. I'm always texting first, I get smiley face responses from her, but she never texts first. She gave me her number. This is the same vide my ex gave me, (to a lesser degree, it's not like we're at each other's throats pissed), when it got bad between her and I. And I feel like I'm playing cat and mouse with my tail. I think I'm just going to start ignoring her, if she's not going to make an attempt, why should I? It seems like a huge waste of time. Time I can not get back. I can't really be so blunt because of work, god forbid it gets super awkward, hell i don't know what the hell she wants. I feel like an option, and I ain't nobody's tool. Treat me like a human, or I'll treat you like a disease, and cut you out.

You're awesome Susan. Thanks for these amazing content. They just make us feel so understood. You are amazing 😊

you are THE dating coach for this era...thank you!!!

I LOVE your channel. Thank you so much for posting this great content!

Very timely! Earlier today, I was thinking back to how things played out between a friend and me. He flirted heavily for a while, which had me thinking he was interested in more than friendship. He made other moves that seemed serious. I ended up falling for him, and told him. Since then, he has lost interest. I didn't expect games from someone as mature and responsible as him, but I guess this is how many people are. We're still friends, and he's a mentor to me of sorts, but I'm still licking my wounds from the rejection, trying to figure out how to maintain this friendship without hurting some more. I probably need some space for a while to recuperate.

I love you dear angel Susan !hugs and kisses

I appreciate you have the best logic of anyone on KZfaq. Some are just whack jobs. I did that with a guy who was looking at me, and he has made NO effort to contact. Guess that's that, because I made all the effort I was going to. ✋

Your advice is always great!

Susan, not to sound creepy 😂 but I have seen so many of your videos that I had a dream last week where you were coaching me live in person. 😂 You are awesome and have helped so much. Thank you for your videos.

Susan i have to comment onto one of your videos. You are brilliant, your philosophy and your analysis of these social constructs are so real and honest. I can see the passion behind all of this. Thank you for being you and thank you for offering your advice. Love you! from Germany

Here I finally get the video..I am getting maximum clarity about her ....

You are very positive sunshine. Giving people a free choice by your talk.

Thank you Susan for your support and knowledge! You are greatly appreciated!🌹🌹🙏🏼

THANKS FOR YOUR VIDEOS HELPING ME UNDERSTAND AND HEAL THAT CONNECTION LOVE PAIN, YUK WHEN HE THINKS HE IS PERFECT RIGHT ALL THE TIME! I didn't allow him to play mind games with me so I cut him off 100%, NO CONTACT! I FEEL AWESOME BEAUTIFULLY MY WOMANLY POWER!

When you're seen with any guy , could be your brother or just a friend, suddenly guys who like you will be all over you. Suddenly the games stop because they feel they have to compete.

I’m so thankful for you, Susan! Your answers are helpful and spot on.

Short & Simple. Love is not a game.

Excellent video Susan 🙏🙏 it amazes me the depth of the human experience and how people make certain choices

Hello. I'm learning a lot by watching your videos. Someone is doing this to me right now. I don't know why. Several times they even turned their body around 3 times as I looked at them. I don't know why. I'm not interested, but they were kind of nice before they began to ignore me. Now I see what you're saying.

Susan! I love you girl! You are EVERYTHING.

You are such a beautiful lady who see things in a different perspective compared to other dating coaches Everything you say makes good sense

My guy (he’s not my guy right now, my ex guy) has always done this thing where he says crazy things to get a reaction out of me, or he’ll say something mean and I used to go crazy and cuss him out or call him names back. Now if he ever does it, I don’t even react or acknowledge it. I never understood why he did this. It’s the reason why we aren’t together and barely even speak.

Wow I'm totally blown away!! Im loving this!! Thank you!!

Susan I have watched many of your videos and admittedly I don't drink the kool-aid on every topic posted however you do have the ability to share in such a unique way your wealth of life skill and knowledge to your audience without losing your feminine part of being a woman. That's impressive and such a very attractive method to communicate. Thanks for all your hard work. Be well....

Susan, i want to tell you my story (hope you read it) I'm in a new school and I like a girl, i introduced myself to her and her friends, we started talking in recess and we laughed, we had a great time. So i started texting her, and i asked her if she wanted to go out sometime, she said yes, next friday at the park with her friends (i never went and i didn't ask if it got cancelled). But here's the problem, when i saw her on Monday at school she ignored me, like i was speaking with her friends but she wasn't saying anything, she left us and went to speak with others. And idk what happened cause before we did an activity together and talk a lot, she really liked me and also sometimes she would smile at me, looked at me and say hi but know she doesn't speak to me, sometimes a make eye contact with her and she looks at me like she's mad or something, and immediately turns back. I'm scared because i think she doesn't like me or i annoy her, I'm not talking to her or her friends anymore because i have this feeling that they don't like me. Can you please tell me what should i do?

wow you are so insightful. While I'm home due to coronavirus school closures, I'll be watching your videos to get clarity that i once had about many things. Thank you!

Susan, you're so wise, beautiful, and high class. ❤

Susan, you look beautiful! You are glowing :)

Hey Susan, thank you for the strategy. It sounds great for my situation. You're looking great !

It's getting complicated. We need more signs.

Yeah you got the one's that acknowledge you, but then ignore you and say it was something you never did. They play mind games...thing about me is that I know better. They can't stand when you cut them off, and they'll say how they cut you off...whatever. Also they can't stand to see you with someone else...make up your mind.

All of this game playing is ridiculous. As a guy, if I like a girl and she likes me, she can give me as much attention as she wants to, that will actually make me like her more. However, if they start playing games and pretend not to be interested my only reaction is to let her play her game and move on with my life. I don't care for such people.

Susan you are the best ❤️ Such level headed advice 🙏

After a man has been screwed over two many times from presuing we jest say the hell with the crap an if a woman wants us they'll make an effort to be with us.

You know, it's funny how when you ignore someone--particularly someone who seemed to dislike you or had no interest in you--they might suddenly be interested. See, I had this coworker who I figured didn't like me. I think she found me annoying. For example, she works as a bartender, and whenever I approached her or a fellow bartender, I would tell the same joke, "I'll have one large beer to help me get over my ex-girlfriend." One time, she said to me as I approached, "John, I don't want to hear it." A week or so later, I was approaching her coworker, and from the distance, she said "John" in a stern voice. So yes, I was annoyed and since then, I didn't interact with her at work, only saying "hey" when she said hi. Of course, I don't think she was really interactive with me anyway when we worked together. I think I'd annoyed her before. I left the job, secretly because of my awful ex-boss, and last night, at a bar, the ex-coworker went to get my attention. I pretended I didn't see her, and she put her hand on my arm and said hi. I just gave a slight smile and wave (brief, still hand in the air) and went forward to catch up with friends. Like I said, sometimes when you ignore a "hater" of yours, they willingly come to you.

Susan your simply awesome! Answer is very well put together. I love it. Blessings

Genius!!! This makes all perfect sense now.

I never lose in this game 😌

Great video

Great question...and Susan is an intelligent and terrific lady :)

Thank you so much!!😊I am going threw that,I jus stop calling and texting her,,I haven't give up on her.Jus tired of the lies,and building my heart up.I head to gym at night,To keep my heart busy.I love her so much,but dont think it's the same.Even though

You are the greatest gal !

Thanks Susan :) i love your enthusiastic self... just adds more zing to the discussion ❤🤟🏻

I like her honesty

Needed this advice! Thank you once again ❤

It feels like taking a walk in a minefield...

Thanks for the insight Susan

Women who are genuinely interested always chase that's why I don't engage so much with the games or unpredictable method

Another amazing video! Thank you 🙏🏾

I look, admire and continue my workout.

Susan you are the best!

Hi Susan your advice so wonderful and very true Its all a game you'll can play all along You can block them out of your life They never win game with me I block them out I think they start to ignore when there insecure about something in the relationship That's when really start to happen Its something in there head there not sure of that so there start ignoring They might be thinking you have someone else in your life or why don't you want to come to Germany to see me Then they start ignornig Those are some examples happened to me There a reason behind the game always I'm not one to always agree with them so I'm always going to be a little unlucky in love or maybe lucky in sence I didn't have to deal with heartache that come along with almost all love and relationship I'm lucky in other areas on my life It game and you win the game but you can't go back it time to move on Thank you Susan I see things more clearly when I hear you speak you give wonderful advice

OMG.. I wish you were one of my girlfriends that loves next to me! I need someone like you to hangout with! You are Awesome! Thank you!

Hi Susan, you are too courageous, I as a man i will never be able to walk up to a woman and say I like her ,its just not me ,way too shy that I m getting super frustrated

Similarly is blocking also used to gain ego stroke, control and attention? My ex kind of blocked me everywhere except for one communication channel, is it to make me pursue and give her a reaction even though she's the dumper and I didn't argue with her decision either!?