The Key Difference Between Gender Identity vs. Gender Expression vs. Gender Role!

Рет қаралды 5,010

Жыл бұрын

Gender identity gets often confused with gender expression and gender role, however, they are different and don't always have to be in sync.
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🙋‍♀️Hello! My name is Natalia Zhikhareva known as Dr Z in transgender community and I am a clinical psychologist or gender therapist, specializing in transgender field and I work with adults only. I provide online therapy for California, New York, Texas and Florida residents. My pronouns are she/her and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com/aboutdrz
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Пікірлер: 126

@sarah-marc Жыл бұрын

I'm 52, I started my transition one year ago and on hormones for tree month now. I'm actually work on a railroad, doing maintenance of way, and now on this profession for 32 years. Although it's a very masculine job, in an extremely viril environment, I never think about quitting my job. I love my job, I have good conditions, it give me a very good living, and I see no reason quitting it for a more feminine job that pay less and make me not happy. Transition for me is about liberation, not changing a psychological prison for another one. I will keep going with my masculine job and most of my masculine hobbies after my MTF transition. I'll keep being myself, and that's the goal of transition.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@matildautz2350 Жыл бұрын

You know people see me and think I’m lesbian. I think you might be considered being a lesbian. Think about it . everything is about perception. You have a masculine job you look like a woman it would be an assumption, but you know what happens when you assume. Lol. Good Luck . I’ve been persevere as male for 63 years. I’m built like a male. I have observed a lot of women with varying degrees of femininity. I just dress according to the requirements of the job. Good Luck

@msluba Ай бұрын

I was wondering if Dr Z or her followers Have a comment on a new word that could be relevant to actually a new word in the dictionary what I understand of this Well done explanation of gender identity and gender role could this new word I recently thought of " Biheshe " Could it be a relevant meaning to this video explanation of gender expression and gender role I appreciate any comments good or bad thank you

@Gweynavere Жыл бұрын

This is really helpful because sometimes I feel like we get really trapped invested in labels that we do make unnecessary sacrifices.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Agree! I also see ppl make mistakes in starting to think they are trans because their expression or role is different.

@littl_late Жыл бұрын

What really sticks out to me in this video is how you mentioned that gender expression that is aligned with authentic gender identity can be an anchor, because with trans individuals there is so much incongruity that this anchor becomes very important. I feel like I really want to understand this, because my therapist said the same thing to me, why don't you just accept who you are and be yourself etc. And I'm like it's never going to work if I just tell myself that. My authentic self has been trapped in the constructs and roles. So trapped it's even hard for me to identify with that self. But even if I had never had become trapped, it doesn't mean that my identity would be different. Thank you so much for this video. ❤

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Wishing you all the best.

@marti7343 Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD Yes, "My authentic self has been trapped in the constructs and roles." Keep working on un-trapping it. If you do, you will uncover your authentic self. For me, it took a lot of time and a gender crisis to come to terms with whom I am. I still have problems, but am so much happier.

@msluba Ай бұрын

@kellyloganme Жыл бұрын

I would love to see more on this, particularly some more detailed examples of each in one individual to help show the difference between gender expression and role. 🥰

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Noted! 🫶

@kellyloganme Жыл бұрын

What I'm hearing now is that gender expression is more how you craft your appearance on a particular day, while gender role is more about how your perceived actions align with societal expectations of roles that are assigned to specific genders. For example, my nails are grown longer and painted because I want to express a feminine gender. Separately, when I am out with friends we talk about nails, colors, care tips and I use flourishing gestures with my nails to show them off, all of which are coded as part of a feminine role. I could have painted nails because I'm a goth, not as a feminine expression. I could also be oblivious about nail care, colors and gesture with them in aggressive ways that are coded as a more masculine gender role. Do I have those lines right?

@msluba Ай бұрын

@joanna62 Жыл бұрын

I find many in the gender variant community confuse the two. Yes they are often interlinked but some can feast on cross gender expression and not necessarily have it severely impact their core gender identity. For trans people there is a good dose of identity involved which when expression is denied or suppressed can lead to debilitating dysphoria which I have heard best described by Anne Vitale as "Gender Expression Deprivation Anxiety"

@jwenting Жыл бұрын

yes, assuming a feminine expression greatly alleviated the suppressed dysphoria I'd been struggling with (without fully realising what I was struggling with) for the longest time. Putting on those skirts and tunic tops instead of jeans and business shirts was so incredibly freeing.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Very true.

@joanna62 Жыл бұрын

It can take a long time to understand oneself and then a course of action. Overshooting or undershooting often the result of trial and error:)

@DrayseSchneider Жыл бұрын

Great video again, Dr Z. I struggle with gender roles and expression myself as a trans feminine person. I find that I don't want to be hyper feminine as much as I thought I wanted to be when I was much younger. And my pursuit of some of the things I used to do has tapered off mainly due to life circumstances and less to do with my sense of gender. Last summer, as part of an effort to get rid of all the clutter collected after a marriage that failed almost 16 years in, I had dumped most of my so-called "boy clothes." Most of them didn't fit anymore anyhow, my weight seemed to drop after I decided to start expressing my gender in a way that felt more appropriate to me, but I didn't realize that's what I had done until afterwards. But I still have a few articles of clothes from that era of my life, some out of nostalgia and others out of comfort. When I'm at work I tend to express myself more on the feminine side, particularly voice and mannerisms, than when I'm at home or among friends and family. It varies when I make media for social consumption. I hate shaving, am going through electrolysis to get rid of my facial hair, but will often present myself unshaven if I don't have to worry about my work decorum. Pre transition I typically presented masculine. But I always had a preference for colourful, comfortable clothing. Occasionally slipping in clothing feminine clothing where I thought I could get away with it. I had a pick shirt that I never wore, not because it was pink, but because it cut my neck and I felt it would have looked more appropriate with a black or white tie, if I could ever close the collar. I would have gotten rid of it, but it was from an aunt and I didn't want to spend the money on a tailor to make it fit. Most of my life I didn't feel as if I was exploring my gender, it's expression, and said roles. But in hindsight I was constantly, if not always overtly.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

I think it can be hard to have incongruence with inner core and to explore expression role.

@kellyloganme Жыл бұрын

Very similar experiences. Thanks for sharing!

@msluba Ай бұрын

@user-on7qf5oe6e Жыл бұрын

😘 thank you again for a wonderfully affirming and understandable video which I am sure will be a great help to very many folk . 💜❤️💜🐾💃🌈

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful.

@Insidiouspebble 4 ай бұрын

I love this video. Invaluable information. Thank you!

@saskia316 Жыл бұрын

This absolutely ( ha ha ) one of my favorites of your wonderful postings, Dr. Z! Very helpful and valuable!

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

🫶🫶🫶

@mikearisbrocken8507 4 ай бұрын

Spekaing of stereotypical gender roles. I love that when my sister and her husband go out, sometimes the restaurants mix their orders because my brother in law often asks meatless or vegan options and drinks like mojitos while my sister (used to) ask for large burgers and bottled beers.

@AdrictoTDT-Twitch Жыл бұрын

It can get pretty confusing sometimes, but to me it was important to always remember how I'd like to see myself, in my case there are days where I don't wanna wear any make up and others where I wanted to be the most femenine and pretty woman in the world so that made me feel confused that I was dealing with a problem of gender expression, the thing came when I realized how I felt inside, how comfortable I felt around women, how I pictured myself always, my dreams, what I longed so I understood that my gender expression can change but no my identity and that the identity stays with you till the last day.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@msluba Ай бұрын

@thelastunicorn4 Жыл бұрын

Your videos are very helpful. I appreciate your depth of insight.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you.

@candycox3007 Жыл бұрын

Thanks, great to have this topic discussed.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

🫶👍

@cory99998 8 ай бұрын

As I've been transitioning I've noticed clarity and strengthening of all 3, whereas before each one was hazy. I didn't identify with men which made me feel a bit alien, I didnt see a place for myself. I didn't know how to express myself because the stuff I gravitated towards I'd tell myself I couldnt wear and eventually repressed it. I found some basic male clothes that looked nice and wore those, never experimenting or getting creative like I wanted to. And role was the worst one, I never felt comfortable dating because I felt like the role I gravitated towards clashed with my appearance and expected societal role. I liked men but wasn't attracted to gay men and didn't relate to their experience. It even strained my relationship with my family as they knew I was hiding something, but I didn't know what I was hiding myself. But people can feel your inauthenticity when you hide, no one can hide it well. Feeling like I don't belong is society has been my default state for as long as I can remember. My whole life it's felt like I have so much to say, but no one saw the real me. And so much frustration being unable to convey that, because I had no external outlet to show people who I was. All in all it was utterly traumatic. Most of us want to pass, but to be honest just being seen as trans is enough. It's who I am and I'm so freaking tired of people not *seeing* me. So tired of not expressing who I am. It's so ridiculously relieving, like a dam thats finally been opened.

@BCSchmerker Жыл бұрын

+DRZPHD *Thanks for the briefing.* The agender and nonbinary are minority gender identities which are underserved in practical support.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Yes I agree with this.

@chilenapromedioRU Жыл бұрын

It's sad that people who claim to be inclusive mostly forget that we agender people exists. I have learnt to deal with the fact of being a female so I have no issues being an agender female, but when I discuss things with people that are related to female's health, for example, I'm immediately assumed to be cis gender. That's annoying. I don't experience gender. It's as annoying as someone assuming I'm from a certain religion just because of my biological sex.

@lennagriffiths1008 Жыл бұрын

Excellent video. Gender Expression and Gender Role are largely social constructs whilst Gender Identity is your core sense of self (arguably with strong links to biology - albeit perhaps different aspects to that which determine sex). Where gender expression is concerned, go back far enough and men wearing what would probably now be considered feminine clothes was considered normal fashion of the era(s). Gender Role concept is largely social pigeon holing and a bit dated. Growing up I was brought up in a mixed gender environment where activities were largely not constrained by gender thus essentially in an environment of true gender equality. Gender identity on the other hand is about our internal sense of self driven by tacit factors (perhaps predominantly biological in nature) and arguably largely independent of societal norms. I would disagree that having Gender Identity incongruent with assigned gender at birth inherently means you will suffer with gender dysphoria and are trans as a result of that but rather that significant gender dysphoria is a potential consequence of being trans. Gender incongruity is the key element and if society messes up this can result in gender dysphoria in essence because of the resulting distress. It irritates me how politicians (and some in the medical community) equate being trans with experiencing gender dysphoria, which ironically is probably resultinjg in a form of gender dysphoria for people who think and feel like me. However, I think the key element to highlight is gender and gender identity are not social constructs but gender expression and gender role are.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi and thanks for sharing. Yes I agree gender identity is not construct although the formation of if is inevitably influenced by the constructs of gender around us.

@lennagriffiths1008 Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD I would not say gender identity is influenced but rather expression and role is influenced. I would associate identity more with how we as individuals perceive our own bodies than how others perceive us because of our expression or role.

@msluba Ай бұрын

@jackiec2171 Жыл бұрын

Dear Dr Z, Thank you soooo much for putting this video together. I had also struggled with the dynamics of the interplay with these three concepts. Although I managed my way through these issues, I was never able to find the words to express these aspects to family and friends. Do very, very helpful. Again, many thanks! 🥰💃🏍️🏍️🏍️

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@chrisallan4717 Жыл бұрын

You are wise beyond your years. I like science but I'm starting to realise that exploring human internal emotions can not be done without insight and openness. You have those qualities, and we are lucky that you have dedicated your skills to exploring the trans world.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you and I am glad the video is helpful.

@NeverTrustGoats Жыл бұрын

This video was really helpful for me! I've been playing with the idea that I might be trans for about a year now but somehow I wasn't sure if that's the right way for me because I felt like I was okay with my biological gender I just want to express myself in a more feminine way. The whole time I thought that there must be something wrong with me or that I'm still in deep denial about it but the more I thought about it the more I came to realize that this wasn't the case and now after watching your video I'm relieved that it isn't a problem if I can't find the box I was supposed to fit in because I wasn't meant to fit in a box in the first place. Thanks for the video it really helped a lot! 🙏☀

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and glad the content is helpful .

@rogerbober8916 3 ай бұрын

I can't like this enough!

@randirosehooper8315 Жыл бұрын

I did fall in to that trap but it did help me look at alot of new things thank you so much

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Think the trap is common for many of us.

@randirosehooper8315 Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD thank you again

@Journey-of-1000-Miles Жыл бұрын

I have not yet hit the tipping point of my transition, however, I can feel that the sea saw is no longer touching the ground!!

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Wishing you all the best.

@LarryPhischman Жыл бұрын

Honestly, I don't know what my gender identity is. We didn't learn that in school. All I know is I hate being male and leaving that untreated for 34 years ate me alive from the inside out until there wasn't much left. Also taking estradiol for less than a month has made me feel better than I think I ever have, mentally and physically. I don't know how feminine I'll end up or who I'll be in two or three years. Accepting I'm trans opened a lot of doors. The guy that was here four months ago was only focused on survival and living to the next year and had been so for over a decade, but he couldn't have given a good answer of why. He would have said he was too curious about the future to off himself, that he "wanted to see how it ended". Too be a "witness". And after his hopes and dreams went to nothing in his early to mid 20s, that's really all he had left. Despite being extremely contemplative, he never followed that thought through to the logical next question; a witness for whom? Who would he tell the things he'd seen? Who would care when he didn't? The circumstances that got me here are weird. I read a book that almost shattered my world view, which strained my defenses to the limit. And then at my lowest point in years, I finally learned what GD actually was. Acceptance was unplanned and involuntary. And after that, all I had to do to start getting better was surrender and go with the flow. Catch the swell by padding with it for once. And stop raging against the dying of the light.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@lorezyra 11 ай бұрын

*Analogies can sometimes make complex concepts more understandable. Here's a simplified way to explain the differences between gender identity, gender expression, gender roles, and sexuality:* Imagine a beautiful and diverse garden representing all of humanity. In this garden, there are different types of flowers, each with its own unique characteristics. *Gender Identity:* Each flower has its own inner essence that defines what kind of flower it is. Just like humans have an inner sense of their gender, some people might identify as male, female, or non-binary. This is like the core of their being, much like the essence of a flower. *Gender Expression:* Now think of how these flowers present themselves. Some flowers are bright and vibrant, while others are more subtle and delicate. Similarly, people express their gender in different ways through clothing, hairstyles, and behaviors. Just like flowers have various ways of showing their beauty, people express their gender through their appearance and actions. *Gender Roles:* In our garden, there are caretakers who tend to the plants. Some caretakers wear hats, while others wear gloves. These roles show how they contribute to the garden's maintenance. Similarly, society used to assign certain roles based on gender, like women being caretakers and men being providers. However, people now understand that everyone can have different roles regardless of their gender. *Sexuality:* Now, imagine that each flower has its own unique way of attracting pollinators. Some flowers attract butterflies, while others attract bees. This is like human sexuality. Just as flowers have different ways of attracting pollinators, people are attracted to different types of individuals, regardless of their gender. By using this analogy, you can explain that just as the flowers in the garden are diverse and beautiful in their own way, humans also have a wide range of gender identities, expressions, roles, and sexual orientations. This might help others understand these concepts and their distinctions better.

@lorezyra 11 ай бұрын

Here's a "simplified" analogy that a 10 year old might understand: Imagine life is like a big party with lots of different things happening. At this party, there's a candy table with all sorts of candies of different types and colors. This candy represents sexuality. Just like some people love different candies like chocolate, gummy bears, or lollipops, people can be attracted to different types of people, like boys, girls, or both. It's like picking your favorite candy at the party! Now, think of this party as a Halloween party. Everyone gets to dress up in costumes that make them happy. This is gender expression. Just like at the Halloween party, people can choose to wear different costumes that show who they are on the inside. Some might wear spooky costumes, some might dress up as superheroes, and others might wear funny costumes. It's about showing your true self and having fun! Imagine the party also has a game area, like the online game "League of Legends." In the game, each character has different abilities and strengths. This is like gender roles. Just like in the game, society sometimes expects people to act in certain ways based on whether they're boys or girls. But just like in the game, people should be free to choose the roles and abilities that feel right for them. Some boys might like cooking, and some girls might enjoy playing sports. It's all about being who you want to be! Lastly, picture a dessert table with all kinds of ice cream flavors. This is like gender identity. Just like you might have a favorite ice cream flavor that makes you happy, people have a gender identity that feels right for them. Some people feel like boys, some feel like girls, and some might feel like something in between or different. It's about being true to yourself and finding the flavor of gender that brings you joy! Remember, just like at a party, everyone should be respected and treated kindly, no matter what candies they like, costumes they wear, roles they choose, or ice cream flavors they prefer. Celebrating each person's uniqueness makes the party of life even more colorful and exciting!

@marti7343 Жыл бұрын

Dr. Z, I want to encourage you to discuss in your Q & A how the desire to be the gender opposite your birth sex relates to gender identity. Your reply to my earlier comment was so insight when you pointed out how early in a person's transition certain issues may be more potent while later in the transition other issues strengthen or emerge. In my case, you pointed out how a strong desire to be the gender opposite your birth sex at the beginning of one's transition can motivate greater identification with the gender of your authentic self. The key is uncovering your authentic self and allowing it to thrive. I must add that the video you made about gender identity vs. Gender Expression vs. Gender Role is one of the most important you have shared. Every person exploring their gender and/or how it is expressed would benefit tremendously from it. Thank you.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you! I’ll be mindful of that.

@msluba Ай бұрын

@marti7343 Ай бұрын

@@msluba Biheshe sounds like gender fluid. I no longer identify as a man. I am a trans woman or trans femme. There are many labels out there. Sometimes it is best not to use them. For me however thinking of myself as trans femme works. Thanks for your comment.

@fiamedknuff Жыл бұрын

Gender Identity: I feel that I did not have a gender identity as a really young child. I was just being myself and never gave a second thought about being a boy or a girl. It started to change in first grade of school when the adults started to divide the kids into boys and girls. That's when I started to feel that something was wrong and realized that I wasn't like the other boys. I suppressed those feelings for decades, but my inner voice has been telling me that I should been born a girl since I was 7-8 years old and it was first last year that I started to take her seriously. Gender Expression: As a young child, I loved to play with my sister and dress up in my mom's clothes. It felt so natural and I remember looking at my mom's pretty dresses in her closet and believing that I would dress like her when I was an adult. When I started school, I was no longer allowed to "cross dress" and I slowly was conditioned to conform to societal expectations on boys. My whole adult life I had to dress and express myself as stereotypical male due to outside pressure, but I was never happy being seen a boy/man or being forced to dress and live like one. It never felt natural and one of the first thing I did after accepting myself as being a trans woman was to throw away all my men's clothing and started to dress like a woman immediately. I'm so much happier with presenting a female gender expression 24/7/365 despite not remotely passing and being constantly misgendered. Gender Roles: Even as a young child I was drown to traditional female gender roles. When playing house as a child I would always play the role of "the mother" and when I wanted to have a girl role whenever my daycare/kindergarten organized a play or a performance. I was so disappointed when I started school and I was no longer allowed to have a girl role in school plays and was forced to accept a boy role. I have always been drawn to nurturing roles and as a young adult I wanted to be a daycare worker because I loved working with kids. I even did a one-year internship at two kindergartens and I absolutely loved it, but I didn't continue with daycare because of all the stigma associated with male daycare workers and I was fearful that I could one day be falsely accused of having done something inappropriately. Instead I joined the military hoping that it would one day make me feel comfortable with masculinity and male gender roles. Spoiler alert: It didn't. Today, I wish that I had been more brave back then and continued to work as a daycare worker because I think that I would have been a lot happier.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@BiancaTallarico Жыл бұрын

This helped me so much. I don't express my identity like a lot of Trans women. I still like wearing guy's clothes. I drive a muscle car. I'm still very much masculine in my behavior. For me my dysphoria didn't come from my clothes or my hobbies. I never played with dolls. So sometimes I get confused or feel like an imposter when I meet ultrafeminine Trans women or hetero Trans women. I still struggle with my identity and separating my gender from sexuality. I was hetero when I went into this. So sometimes I feel a bit strange when I get rejected by a hetero woman. I still see kind of a guy in me. I'm either a tomboy Trans woman or non-binary. I never questioned myself til I started socializing in LGBT spaces. It got so bad that I tried to detransition but started feeling sick 21 hours after I quit . Dizziness and lethargy. Went away as soon as I went back on hormones.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing .

@msluba Ай бұрын

@brynl-k4118 Жыл бұрын

It's funny because you identify these three things, however it gets way more complicated if you have like different cultural backgrounds family backgrounds social economic backgrounds sometimes they even conflict within the same family it's quite fascinating

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Totally!

@pinkflamingo_2080 Жыл бұрын

Wow I’ve been thinking more recently that I am gender-fluid and it makes sense. Back in 2018 I came out as transgender but went back on it because I wanted the gender role of a father so I figured I must not be transgender after all. With questioning gender-fluid I’ve found that I prefer feminine pronouns even if I were to express more masc and was unsure of why. So now I am considering wether I am gender-fluid with both fem and masc presentation or if I am actually transgender with the gender role of a father once I have kids. I know I would prefer more fem pronouns and probably present fem more frequently so I think my core identity may be feminine. I can still masc present too which is good to know. I’ll have to do some expression exploration to know whether gender-fluid or transgender works better for me, but this video has been incredibly helpful to me.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@LWeOAreVOneE Жыл бұрын

When I was really young, hot pink was my favorite color because I just love bright, punchy colors. Then, I learned that "pink is a girl's color," and I instantly rejected it. I suddenly hated it just because I was told it was a girl's color. And that was as an afab individual who didn't know trans people exist. A couple years ago, I realized that I don't actually hate pink. I just hate being associated with womanly/feminine things because it never matched my core sense of identity. I knew the whole "pink is a girl's color" thing was always ridiculous, so I decided to stop letting society dictate what I can or cannot like based on absurd rules. It's still not my favorite color, but I do actually like it.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@marradka2584 Жыл бұрын

I am MTF. It has always seemed to me that being a transgender woman (for example) is to be in a state of “conditional womanhood”. A lot of people will respect my gender, and will treat me to some extent as female, and get my pronouns right, but only on the condition that I play along with stereotypical transgender behaviors. It’s as if there’s a normal way to be transgender. There’s an image in people’s minds of what trans woman look like. I’m supposed to try to pass. I’m supposed to hate my facial hair. I know that in a certain way this is all Not true, but if I don’t play the game, then people misgender me. This is particularly obvious when I show up somewhere in jeans with a beard, and it’s an all women’s hike in the woods day, and suddenly whether I belong or not is up for debate, and some people think I should leave. I feel like there’s a type of cisgender privilege. For cis women (for example), I have friends who don’t shave their body hair, or they shave their heads, and no one questions that they are women or female, and no one thinks they don’t belong in the women’s bathroom. I mean there are exceptions, but they get misgendered less than I get misgendered. And I don’t mean that they never got teased and called things in high school. Or that they don’t ever deal with misogyny or discrimination for gender bending, but their gender isn’t questioned. I mean even if someone says something very mean, like if a guy says to my gender bending female friend “you should shave your legs, you look like a man” which makes my friend feel really bad, I still don’t think she experiences gender dysphoria. She might have body image issues and body image feelings. I actually know she does because she talks about it when she has trouble dating. I’m just really sad. No matter what I do, I can’t change my appearance enough to move fluidly through the world and be perceived as a woman and as female. See a lot of this dynamic is more obvious in women’s only spaces. My friends who don’t shave their body hair and wear jeans and t shorts. When we are in women’s only spaces, then no one ever calls them a man. They can drink beer out of the bottle. They can do anything, and as long as theirs no men around them they never have their gender or sex questioned. But when I am around only women, then if I don’t make efforts to signal my gender identity through gender expression, then some women wonder why I am their and wonder if I am a man. So, I can’t just express my masculine side. And this is even worse when it comes to gender roles and strangers. Like someone will make so many assumptions about what kind of person I am before they get to know me, and then I have so many assumptions to overcome. I tried working in a caretaking profession before, but it was a whole job in itself just to get people to believe that I even belonged there in the first place, and then I had almost no energy left to actually do my job. It was too stressful and eventually I quit because I felt like I was letting down the people I was supposed to be helping because I was so self conscious of my gender expression and distracted by wondering if my presence made other people uncomfortable. But every time I run away from these problems, I find myself isolated. Then I feel drawn to try to function in the world again, and it is hard again. I don’t think that I am confusing these three concepts: identity, expression, and role. But it seems like it’s easier to gender bend any one of them, if you have some kind of certainty or security or confidence around on of them. But it seems like society is filled with traps to catch trans women and tell us that we aren’t really women. It’s really just all about transgender people being considered “contingent”. We can’t take our gender or sex for granted. We have to play a game and follow rules or else society will say we aren’t real and it becomes unsafe and we get discriminated against.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Very well said and sadly very true too.

@msluba Ай бұрын

@jazmynleenelson3349 Жыл бұрын

Just doing my best being a woman stuck in a man suit. Even as a child I felt whole in girls clothes. And I’m my teens I really got to explore myself and understanding who I really am.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@chilenapromedioRU Жыл бұрын

I wish there was more acknowledgement of us people who doesn't experience gender identity at all. I'm Gen X and I know very well that I was developed as female in my mother's uterus, also I've been subject to discrimination, sexist violence and abuse just because of the sex I have in the third world country I was born. I have had conversations with feminists and people with knowledge of gender from first world countries for years regarding this issue and I realised that deep down inside me, my own self has nothing to do with "gender". I am just me. I am absolutely against gender roles and stereotypes but I cannot say anything regarding gender identity, because I don't experience it. It's like religion, I don't experience it, so I can't deny the experience of those who experience it. In my teens I used to be quite "tomboyish" until I lost my fear of slowly and started to play with more punk rock feminine looks, but still very out-of-the-norm. I have to thsnk my mum for allowing me to express myself. She even did my blue mohawk! Eventually I had to "fit in" for work, still dying my hair, having my own style, I have clothes enterily from the men's section and I have my weird dresses for when I decide to "drag myself up", I was never good at make-up (the gender stereotypes made me thought it was for "dumb girls") and I never developed those skills, but I'm a very good seamstress and I can do patterns. I hate heels and love bands t-shirt and comfy trainers. I dress however I want to and I don't give a damn what others say. I even have Japanese gothic lolita dresses. I am me and I have been through enough. DV survivor, endometriosis, lipoedema, treatment resistant major depression, PTSD, GAD, I honestly can be wearing a track suit one day and a punk rock dress with dr. Martens and cool hair the next. It's all about my mood.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@seraaron Жыл бұрын

Now that I have the language to put this feeling into words, let me ask: Does anyone else who identifies and nonbinary or agendered feel a certain pang of incongruence when thinking about the fact that, since we live in such a heteronomative society, there are no established gender roles for folks like us? I don't know what my gender role is, or should be, or if it even matters. But that question scratching in the back of my mind sometimes causes me stress, and can sometimes make me feel lost, or alone. Has anyone else felt this? Does anyone have an answer to this?

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi and yes! In fact even lead to dysphoric feelings which can be confusing (i.e: do I need to transition?) It is important to recognize that the younger you are, the more you will experience tension due to duality: on one hand, gender vernacular is expanding opening up ways for a new way of self relating and on the other hand, the collective heteronormative world. This breeds anxiety as you realize the rest of the world is not caught up yet. They key is to know this vs. being influenced by it. Hope this clarifies. I will make a video on this. Excellent point.

@Rozzia Жыл бұрын

❤awesome you are

@marti7343 Жыл бұрын

Dr. Z, in one of your videos you said one way to know you are trans MtoF is to ask yourself if you want to be a woman rather than solely wanting to feel like one. I know I want to be a women and as long as I can remember this was always the case. I do have some difficulty in relating this to what you say about gender identity. There are times I identify as a woman and other times not much of anything else. I am five months into my transition on HRT and would say my identity as a woman has become more persistent. Also, I experience more dysphoria since starting my transition. Before transitioning, from experimenting with my gender expression I came to understand how strong my desire to be female is. I am convinced I am trans, especially since the desire to be female is so strong. It is liberating to let my true self emerge. However, any thoughts you have about gender identity and gender desire and how they interact would be very helpful. Perhaps this is topic you can address in your Q&A.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi. I find that many early into their transition struggle with this as well. A lot do this is due to lack of experience in your authentic self.

@marti7343 Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD Yes, this is what seems to be happening with me. I am five months into transition on HRT. The desire to be a woman was always there. Now that I am in transition the gender identity issues and dysphoria that goes along with them have become more critical. I feel I am becoming my authentic self the farther along I get. Again Dr. Z hits it!

@JAMIEB22649 Жыл бұрын

I am An abab and what identifies by default but I also another part of my gender identifies as female. I just recently realized this a few months ago and I am not sure what step next to take to deal with this. Also, I live with who would not like that I am this way.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing. Small exploratory steps are a good idea.

@flow_dojo Жыл бұрын

❤

@princessaxel Жыл бұрын

hello Dr. Z, not sure if you already mentioned this in ur past videos but right now I’ve been feeling so much anxiety and depression about whether or not I should start HRT. the worst thing that gives me anxiety is the risks of HRT feminizing hormones. I’ve just did a lot of research for the past months about the risks and I just get so scared when I think of starting medication. I have never taken medication like this before. especially cuz my family is very against medication so that’s something that I don’t wanna be scared of though, but I am really scared of the risks when it comes to increase heart attacks, blood clots, strokes etc I am also unfortunately a hypochondriac and that scares me so much and it really does stop me from wanting to take HRT. I just wanted to know, are the risks actually that bad as I look online? or are the risks not that bad and it’s just cis straight transphobic people trying to scare us trans folk to whenever or not to take HRT or not? ily Dr. Z btw! thanks for all ur time,effort and research on these topics!

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi. I recommend discussing pros and cons with a medical doctor and to have them assess your medical history. I am not a medial doctor so please have this discussion with one. Your question is tied to your health history which is for doctor to discuss. Wish you well.

@princessaxel Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD thank you for all ur help!

@marti7343 Жыл бұрын

@@princessaxel Whether HRT is right for you can be complicated. There is a lot on the internet that suggest the risks are low, and there are other people who say it is not. Not only is it best to discuss this with a medical professional as Dr. Z suggests, but make sure at least one you talk too has experience with trans people. You may want more then one opinion, but in my experience many medical and psychiatric professionals will given an opinion without that much experience with certain kinds of patients.

@princessaxel Жыл бұрын

@@marti7343 thank u for ur reply/advice! means a lot! definitely see what ur saying and going to do that!

@theadonnachie2014 Жыл бұрын

@and9091 5 ай бұрын

Because of the internalized transphobia I'm still dealing with, I'm a little afraid of wearing feminine clothes in public, and those clothes are also expensive. Plus I didn't tell anyone I knew in real life about my...condition, so I couldn't rely on anyone else to teach me how to dress up. So I'm currently trying out unisex clothes. I personally feel that as a middle ground between male and female, unisex should be more acceptable and more natural than I wearing female's clothes directly, especially since I hope it can be hidden from my parents, hehehe. I would also like to be able to cut back on activities like driving or strenuous exercise, not because it doesn't fit into the stereotype of female. But I feel that these activities will stimulate the secretion of testosterone and make me start thinking like I used to think when I was not aware of my condition and pretended to be a male. I am really hate that feeling.

@arvintrevino4622 Жыл бұрын

I haven't started the transition yet. But Im going to start the entire process. My cousins have been so supportive of me that they come with me to help me get feminine clothes. I feel great wearing them even though my closet is limited on feminine clothes. I have a bustier, but I get dysphoria because I don't have a chest. I see myself wearing Renaissance or medieval clothes for fun. Maybe wearing some Gyaru makeup one day and bubbly makeup the following Goth style. Being born as an AFAB is restricting when it comes to gender roles so many tiring rules I have to follow. It's like we have to forcibly pick up the burden of family, and so on. And I hate the excuse "because we're family". As a kid, I didn't have a choice to be myself. My mom says what did she do wrong? Gee, How come I wasn't allowed to be myself? Yes, If my parents knew earlier they wouldn't struggle now, but back then for them, and the whole family it would seem like a humiliation and it wouldn't have changed their reaction. I can't hide that about myself anymore and I want to do something about it to look forward to life, instead of daily regretting my life and sui.. well abandoning all hope. Now, it's different they've changed when my brother was out. As for my Identity, I know I'm a woman. Im not sure of gender roles. I see myself blacksmithing, and stitching clothes, with a loving wife. Maybe we will knit close to a fireplace listening to oldie music. My choices of clothes are a little freer, but because I don't have a chest I don't feel completely free. I was planning to take a trip to Japan, but I'm afraid that being strong can only go so far, so I'm canceling the trip to start the process of transition. I know my mom is trying her best to understand and be supportive, but sometimes if I ask for financial help I'd love to get her support in that. I hate how people still assume my physic and see me as a man. It damages my psychic and it questions my existence. I just want to live and be happy in life.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

@Rising_Pho3nix_23 Жыл бұрын

This is starting to make sense. So I've been transitioning for about a year. The medication seems to be ineffective or the wrong type so I don't see the changes in the mirror. When someone deadnames me, or when I'm forced into boy-mode, I get very uncomfortable. I also get uncomfortable looking at myself in the mirror almost at all. But when I shower, shave, etc, it feels a little better. I still don't have the "there you are" moment when I look at myself. The first hint of obstacle to my transition makes me wanna end myself. Occasionally I play with nail polish but not often. Makeup is fun and all but I'm so much of a perfectionist and so bad at makeup I tend to go many months without practicing. Almost every gender role for a man would be things I hate. When I see porn of a POV of a woman looking down at her body, with like a gopro, I like to pretend that's how my body looks and I get turned on. But I'm still deciding on whether or not to have bottom surgery. My Amazon wishlist is filled with high-femme clothes and jewelry. Think Rose from Titanic. Gemstone necklaces, floral dresses and the like. But because of social violence and fear I haven't explored much of anything and I feel so behind in my transition and get very depressed. How might you describe identity, role and expression with that?

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi. I would say it's less about labels and more about what makes you feel like you, and bring you joy and happiness.

@kvtia Жыл бұрын

This video left me confused. I've watched almost all of your videos and just when I thought I had a complete understanding comes this video, which after listening to it leaves me with the feeling that transgender women and men don't exist (as if everything was a simple diversity thing).

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi and sorry for the confusion. Not at all! Transgender identity is a core identity and absolutely exists. However, the expression of gender that transpired person can have doesn't have to parallel core identity. This is why there are trans women who have masculine or androgynous gender expression while having a core trans woman identity.

@larissaN1997 Жыл бұрын

Is it normal for people with gender crisis (me) to feel triggered by other trans people?

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi and yes. Triggers are often our own unresolved complexes, issues, feelings. Many trans people get triggered for various reasons: seeing someone further ahead, seeing someone they perceive doing better than themselves, etc.

@larissaN1997 Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD Thanks. Yesterday I was in a queer group for the first time and everyone introduced themself with pronouns, so I just said "I have a gendercrisis at the moment". Furthermore, before the group started I felt like an animal which is brought to a slaughterhouse. It was terrible.

@errrkt Жыл бұрын

no more motorcycles or metallica?🤨 i wouldn't want to live in that world. lol

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Me neither.

@FrozEnbyWolf150 Жыл бұрын

My identity is nonbinary genderflor. My expression is neutral, or whatever is practical, which typically means men's clothing. My role is something I'm still figuring out, but it will likely change over time as well. I realized I would be fine with any changes to my body from transition, as long as I can still do all the same physical activities I can do now. I lead an active lifestyle and have no intention of stopping.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@ambientjohnny 6 күн бұрын

NO ONE shares some exact "experience" of being a man or a woman, that is why we define a woman as an adult FEMALE, they are all of the same sex, that is what defines them. "Man" or "woman" are not some moral judgement or evaluation of how masculine or feminine they feel or present, it's simply about having a term to describe any adult human male and any adult human female. This obsession that the "trans" community has with redefining the terms to reflect how they feel etc. is totally pointless. There are no people who truly feel 100% comfortable all of the time, the idea of labelling people "cis" or "trans" is completely unnecessary, there is no "cis" experience and there is no "trans" experience, people are individuals, and as a whole the community fails to come up with any coherent explanation to define their redefinition of "woman" because you cannot come up with a definition that caters to every possibility. That is why the terms "man" and "woman" being rooted in physical reality is the only thing that makes sense, if there are no clear parameters for a definition then it cannot function as a definition. If anyone can identify as a grablar, and the only definition of being a grablar, is feeling like identifying as one, then you haven't defined grablar as anything at all. This is why it is also an obsession with creating more and more boxes. The terms "man" and "woman" encompass every possible personality, within physical boundaries, any man or woman is free to act, think, look, behave however they want, that they as individuals are labelled as men or women is purely about the physical - saying a man is an adult human male, and a woman an adult human female does not restrict anyone's self-expression, not wanting to acknowledge one's physical reality is a fool's errand, the sex someone is doesn't change based on how anyone feels or dresses - so it is the "trans" side that 100% is creating this false narrative that acknowledging a person's sex is somehow restrictive, they are the side saying men or women behave like this or that. I mean if they weren't doing that, then they would agree that the umbrella terms based on sex, man and woman, were perfectly fine - but they don't! They say no no, if someone doesn't FEEL like the sex they are, they can't be it, though they cannot explain what "feeling cis" even really means, because NO ONE shares the exact same experiences emotionally. What "they" are trying to do is swap a definition that has a physical basis, for a definition that is entirely rooted in feelings and often in validating sexist stereotypes associated with either sex. This "woman is a social construct" thing IS the part that validates and perpetuates sexist stereotypes - woman isn't a social construct in that sense, it is a word society has chosen yes, but to describe a PHYSICAL state of being, not anyone's emotional states or where they fall on some spectrum of masculinity or femininity. There is a fundamental misunderstanding here of what the definition of man and woman means. The notion that people need to live up to sexist stereotypes of what "real men" or "real women" are, is complete fantasy. The fact that many people act as if sexist stereotypes were valid ways of measuring "real men" or real women" is a problem with the individual and their sexist bias, not with the terms themselves, as the terms themselves have none of the expectational baggage that people who internalise sexist stereotypes associate with them.

@chrisallan4717 Жыл бұрын

You look flawless today. Are you AI generated? No offence intended.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

None taking. I have my HD web cam set to higher contrast and sharpness so yes, part of how I look is not real.

@PakehaParker Жыл бұрын

Your gender is your sex .male or female. The end.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hmmmm that’s sex, sure. But sex is not gender.

@PakehaParker Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD two genders take your pick.

@Shalanaya Жыл бұрын

Definition of sex was made-up by a bunch of sexist men centuries ago, it is a fiction rooted in a harmful ideology, sometimes even religious, designed to oppress and repress our sexual energy just like Wilhelm Reich has described in his book "The Mass Psychology Of Fascism". Gender binary was a tool of control for totalitarian and fascistic governments, because pushing authentic sexual expression of people into neat binary forces those who devaite from it into repression and suppression of the natural sexuality, particularly of the child, just as it is demonstrated by Wilhelm Reich's studies on fascism, and I am quoting him: "Suppression of authentic sexual energy and expression makes the child apprehensive, shy, obedient, afraid of authority, good and adjusted in the authoritarian sense, it paralyzes the rebellious forces because any rebellion is laden with anxiety, it produces, by inhibiting sexual curiosity and sexual thinking in the child, a general inhibition of thinking and of critical faculties. In brief, the goal of sexual suppression is that of producing an individual who is adjusted to the authoritarian order and who will submit to it in spite of all misery and degradation. At first, the child has to adjust to the structure of the authoritarian miniature state, the family; this makes it capable of later subordination to the general authoritarian system, the formation of the authoritarian structure takes place through the anchoring of sexual inhibition and sexual anxiety." - Wilhelm Reich. Social gender categorization does not exist in the animal kingdom, and for a reason, our body is dimorphically sexed in multiple ways, whereas gender identity is different, it is the only real biological and neurological thing developed already in the mother's utero, it is innate and hard-wired, hence why trans women are born female, and trans men male. In other words, the definition of sex based on gametes has been proven numerous times in scientific studies as deeply flawed and irrelevant, because there's millions of different combinations of gametes, like meosis which does not always result in a gamete, many don't even produce any gametes at all, and that gamete itself can also have xx, xy, or no sex chromosome no matter what genitalia that person has, some humans are chimera, who produce both big and small gametes. There is a chromosomal sex, but that is not always biological sex either, as sex-related genes can go in the opposite direction against the directive sent by the chromosomes, sometimes SRY gene pops off the Y chromosome and over to an X chromosome, then there are hormonal directives that go against chromosomes. Then there are cells that have receptors that “hear” the signal from sex hormones, but sometimes those receptors don’t work, so you can be genetically male or female, chromosomally male or female, hormonally male/female/non-binary, with cells that may or may not hear the male/female/non-binary call, and all this leading to a body that can be male/non-binary/female. There are no Platonic sexes outside of sexed organisms. The decision that sex is determined by gamete size (and not their motility, or by genitalia, or gonads or chromosomes or secondary characteristics) was made by biologists already committed to binary thinking with no regard for the biological truth that mother nature does not deal in neat binaries, but the rich diversity, hence why in ancient Mesopotamia many people with penises were regarded as female because in their cultures they understood it as if their Goddess Ishtar has turned men into women on the inside. Similar history about trans people is in all kinds of cultures, from China, Egypt, Native American and Australian societies to ancient Greece. The fact is and many biologists and scientists have been stating this for years now, that the sooner we abolish the idea of sex and its categorization, the more we'll be free from this sexist oppressive system that had no regard for our divinity, the truth and mother nature within us.

@chilenapromedioRU Жыл бұрын

@@PakehaParkerPlease educate yourself. Gender are social constructs. Sex are biological facts.

@PakehaParker Жыл бұрын

@@chilenapromedioRU rubbish