#11 : they burst into rage for nothing every time you want to sit down with them to discuss a problem in a constructive and respectful way. By doing this, they let you know that the relationship is going to follow THEIR rules and theirs only. They keep you submissive that way because next time you will be afraid of triggering their anger and having to deal with the abandonment and ghosting that follow the outburst. So you may keep quiet being under their control and they do whatever they want.

I have no compassion for narcissists. In general, they are aware of what they do, but do it anyway.

“Look at your history with them as the best predictor of the future” 💯This really helped me let go of the fantasy she may change for the better. Thank you, Lise! You've been a great help

The only defense is to have a strong sense of self, and to start believing in yourself, instead of letting some manipulative good-for-nothing define you.

These are some seriously disturbed individuals. I can’t imagine being so dead & empty inside I need to manipulate & provoke everyone around me all the time. Most of my life I had no idea these personality disordered even existed. Cray cray... 🤪🤪🤪

I just cringe when I hear this list and go "yep" at all of them without fail. I'm just so embarrassed at how I stayed for 7 years with an ex who did literally every single one of these tactics. Now all my friends ask me why and I just can't explain it, it was like a period of utter madness. Even my sweetest, most non-judgemental friends go "she was horrible" and it's like leaving a cult. She's now got a new partner and boy do I feel sorry for that guy.

Everything you said about them playing the victim, guilt-tripping and calling the other person out as a narcissist and triangulating just to feel that they are a “good” person is so on point ✅

Start viewing them as the enemy & don’t care about them at all. Just ignore them. Don’t engage in conversation. Stone wall them back which is actually grey rocking. Say, “nothing to concern you about”: if they get mad at you for “changing”. Just say, “this relationship never benefitted me. I’m focusing on me now”.

My boss was a master baiter....he would ask a question for the sole reason of counter punching me into the ground. So I figured that out pretty quick, and just started giving him a positive one word answer and then turn away and go back to what I was doing. Wow, what a reaction, he was physically staggered, and had no idea how to respond. It was great. No fuel, no supply, no control....I took it all away from him.

If you are in some sort of relationship, your best move is to leave and never come back. They will never get better, only worse. The person you thought they were is just a phantom. Like a hat to tease you with. It is not real and never was. Don't lament, you are not losing anyone, that person you fell for was an act. They can't be gone if they never existed in the first place.

I have one to add. She would create 'boundaries' that I must never cross/violate. Then she would try and manipulate me to cross/violate them.

Lisa, four hours ago, thanks to this video, I terminated (and feel better about terminating) a relationship that I had allowed to continue for far too long. Thank you!

I thought this baiting thing was in my imagination ...now that I know it is a narcissistic tactic I am never going to fall for it again!!

They may also threaten to discard you when they know you are under overwhelming pain. Esp when they know that they are your only source of support , to do that to you , when you need them the most , is so sadistic !

It's so hard to know what is the truth, and what may just be confirmation bias. But when I watch your videos, and reflect on how my last relatioship went down, SOOO many things just fall into place. Thank you for all you do, Lise.

I'm fighting a charge in court because I took the bait. Her boyfriend was hitting my children. I brought it up calmly and respectfully, but over the course of the next few minutes, she manipulated me into yelling. The sad part is that it was the first time I'd ever been able to see her do that in real time, because I wasn't too close anymore to have perspective. The very fact that I could see her manipulative intent, but couldn't get the focus back to my children being hit really made me lose it, and I did. She craftily turned the entire situation around and not only helped me make myself look bad but completely made the violence towards my children go unheard or ignored. It was masterful. It's really impressive, and I learned so much from that experience. I learned I can never count on her putting anyone's interests ahead of hers, and I realized that I handle manipulation extremely poorly. Since then, I've gotten my custody increased, and no longer expect her to care about my children more than herself or her boyfriend. I just made sure I can compensate for her failings when raising my children. Accepting the reality that she doesn't care was the biggest step in healing I've ever taken.

My ex wife did the "I'm fine" thing and comparison thing all the time when we were together. Listening to this video gave me a small panic attack because almost all of it hit so close to home. I'm so relieved that nightmare is over. I just wanted it to and every single day.

I recognize all these tactics as my wife uses them on me all the time. She was successful at first but now that I know the game I can just walk away and let her spew. Your videos have been a great source of information for me and a real help in coping with what I am faced with. If I knew then, what I know now it would have been run Forest run.

I like this. I’m stuck in a lifelong cycle of dating the same woman under different names

The difficulty is some of these behaviours are used by non-narcissists with good intentions too. It's hard to know when it's pathological or not.

Leaving is easier said than done but there must be a lot of people who regret ignoring the red flags earlier . . .

You have literally saved my life. I could never thank you enough. I'm just happy to hear you are growing. People need to hear this!!

Another line they'll say is "stop playing victim all the time"

I just want to say I just left an incredibly toxic relationship with a BPD with narcissistic traits. It was a living hell! My life was absolute garbage for two years. They finally crossed one last boundary and I said enough! I can't thank you enough for your videos. They helped a lot in understanding what I was going through. I felt so much less alone thanks to you. Keep up the good work and I pray for anyone stuck in the place I was ❤

The baiting from parent & sibling, they know exactly what hurts most.

As a new subscriber, we don’t have many people advocating for us, we don’t have many people trying to help us. That’s why we subscribe.

I wanted to take a moment to comment and express my gratitude to Lise for creating such valuable content. Her insightful videos have undoubtedly played a significant role in educating and empowering her audience. Congratulations to Lise for reaching the milestone of 75,000 subscribers! It's clear that her expertise and dedication have resonated with many, and I look forward to continuing to learn from her valuable insights.I just had to take a moment to express my heartfelt appreciation for Lise and the incredible content she creates. Her videos are not only insightful, but they have truly made a profound impact on educating and empowering her audience. Lise, congratulations on reaching the incredible milestone of 75,000 subscribers! It's evident that your expertise and unwavering dedication have deeply resonated with so many. I am genuinely excited to continue learning from your invaluable insights and wisdom.

my own mother has done all 10 of these tactics against me and this video was very validating. thank you :)

My partner pushes my buttons and then when I blow up he says “you’re cranky all the time. You need to go talk to a therapist”. Well, used to because I no longer blow up. I no longer care. Zero effs given. I know the game. I’m working on a plan to get out so I stay focused on that.

“Look at my history with her as my best predictor” that couldn’t have been more clear. Thank you Lise. Stay healthy and safe inside your body😉🤙🏼

Mine always broke down with extreme emotional issues. Past traumas, he'd cry, he'd be all sorts of upset, practically fall at my feet begging for emotional help. I had to help him. It sucked me into a dark and awful relationship

Funny… my narc mother showed up at my house unannounced with her flying monkey sister and after I told her to leave for the second time, she said “I hope you get help”. I didn’t take the bait and went permanent & total no contact after that. Number is completely blocked. If you have an iPhone and block someone’s number it doesn’t block completely. They’re still able to leave voicemails and it goes to a blocked number folder. Block their number through your carrier!

I found funny that being liked for "being intelligent" Ended in being hated becouse such intelligence was implemented and there was no space for nonsensical ideas that remained unvalidated and refuted.

When u are adult u can notice those behaviours and walk on but worse is if u are growing in this as a child! my parents were total nitpickers with me always frustrated and angry at me no matter what.. thats truly confusing and a true horror story for a child to go through over top as child truly try to love and trust their parents!! I ended contact with them after many years of abuse and now i am totaly on my own. Its very sad and painful for me but better then taking their shits!

my wife has accused me of being a narc - but having now followed you and researching the methods - i am finally understanding what covert narcs are and have asked my therapist to let me know when or where i might be using these - turns out chances are i am not the narc.. she is. But we are now splitting - the last year without contact has been very healing. Thanks

My ex narc way of baiting her victims is to ask them if they can do some DIY for her .. after speaking to a few of her exes I learned that all of us were drawn in the same way . We were all also disguarded the same way

At my age I don't even have 25 energy bubbles to give I'm down to 1 or 2. 😂 Thank you for your awesome work. It has helped me a lot! 🙏

I was baiting into exploding yesterday and I feel like puking. I hate myself for being so weak and I'm not proud of it at all. She kept pushing my boundaries. My mom was abusive and I kept her from jail when I was a young boy, by lying to protect her. The boundary is that she isn't allowed to comfort me. Because her touch doesn't comfort me, it hurts me. She will feign concern, and has my whole life about my problems, only to sting me when I open up about them. She always provokes me into thus. I know I'm responsible for my behavior but she does this with years of abusive history with me and my siblings. I feel like such a moral failure every time this happens. I want to puke. Now the issue is my anger, not the disrespect she showed me. I also want to add that I calmly deflected ad asserted myself multiple times before blowing up. It isn't my go to reaction.

Thank you for this information. I am a "Highly Sensitive Person" married to a woman who seems very much a narcissist based on my experience and this information. I was traumatized in my first marriage by a woman with BPD/Bi-polar II...so feeling very distraught that I am in another toxic marriage. Surviving feels like a full time job

My narc mom likes to ask if I'm visiting my dad. She's a petty, jealous, insecure woman and uses it as a way to accuse me of being "brainwashed" and make snide remarks ("if you like the guy..."). I do not respond.

Everything you said describes to a "T" a man I was friends with for a few months, who has a serious case of BPD.

My wife's narcissism started way back to her grandma who spoiled my mother-in-law. The grandma would badmouth my mother-in-law's father so much she hated her own father. My mother-in-law has openly admitted to being able to manipulate people. She does it through hints or degrading your ego trying to make you feel that you have to jump through hoops to help her. She has my wife wrapped around her finger. My mother-in-law was so jealous of my wife's relationship with her dad that her mom sewed little seeds of distrust of him when she was young by telling her that he had molested prior children of theirs or ones he had in a past relationship but none of that has ever been corroborated. When I first met my wife she told me that her father molested her despite the evidence of what she described did not make sense at all. I had no idea what narcissism was when I met her when I was 18. 20+ years later, my wife has been telling blatant lies to me and cannot be held accountable in other areas. She won't go out of her way to do something unless she gains something from it. When I address these issues she tries to provoke me to anger. I finally realized what she was doing after 20 years of marriage and with my research about these things I believe she is a covert narcissist. I asked her if I she wanted to speak to one of our elders at church to counsel us on our marriage and she did but she went to him privately telling him all sorts of malicious lies. Yet, she looks like the perfect Christian wife to everyone else. Upon meeting with him he has been on a crusade to counsel me out of my "abusive" behavior and has put me on the defensive. I have sent e-mails and pictures to him giving proof that she has been lying and he has disregarded them. When I have pointed out her lies while meeting with him he has gaslighted me and told me that I don't give enough grace. I told him I'm not meeting with him anymore and he literally did not understand why and told me he would let the other elders know as if I'm supposed to be afraid of that. In the meantime, one of my daughters has been pulling away from me and I know it's because my wife is mischaracterizing me--the same thing her mom did to her and her mom's mom did to her. I don't know where to turn.

You nailed it. The abuse was really painful. The big change for me was to stop wondering why someone could be like that, and begin asking myself why I let it go on for such a long time. After that, it never happened again with anyone else.

It becomes clearly more complicated when we come to understand trough self reflection that all of us have similar narcissistic trades deep inside and consequently feel guilty Bout that This make it so much harder to stand up to the narcissist

I think Lise has a gift; a special ability to connect with her listeners. It’s the information that ‘hits the nail on the head’ so to speak, and given with such empathy I think. It’s difficult not to transfer feelings towards Lise after a broken relationship with someone who showed narcissistic tendencies. Anyway somehow, I have to take Lise’s advice and ‘stop researching’.

there is a pattern of behaviour I've observed that I call "burn and run". it's where a person comes along saying something very inflammatory, apparently to provoke you. then when you turn and say "wait a second, what you said isn't right" or show any emotion about it, the person will say "I can't talk about that now, I'm busy doing other things." it's a way to get attention and significance, obviously at the expense of others when you do notice patterns like this, they start to have less power over you

Maybe a better way of putting it, is, that they sense what they are doing to you (and therefore conscious of the fact) knowing what this achieves, but they don’t know how they are doing it (not sitting down and figuring out the stratagems, knowing why they work). It’s a sort of sub-conscious, immature state of asserting power and dominance over the other - obtained unfairly, undeservedly, and destructively rather than on an equal footing as mature adults. In that way people walk away feel demeaned, diminished and undermined, without knowing why, other than an uneasy suspicion something went down and they got emotionally mugged and taken down.

Wow, fantastic description! I was involved with a typical narcissist 4 years ago, knew something was very off but didn't understand it at all. He walked off with a new person after a few months, leaving me devastated. I grieved for months and even years trying to understand what happened and was terribly shaken by the experience. After about 4 years he sent a one line message saying he'd like to get together - very brief with no explanation. Thinking it might offer closure I finally said I would meet him. And guess what? He waited till the last minute (3 times) and then cancelled or didn't show up - once saying he was tired, dirty, had eaten and was going to bed! Case in point. That didn't take long! It's been months and years of education on this, a lesson I'll never forget!

A narcissist who is also a Psychopath now that is the stuff of nightmares right there

I’m grateful that you make the content you do. The last 6 months I’ve been working through what happened to cause my marriage to fail and to get to the extremely unhealthy point it did before walking away. Your insights (along with those of Dr. Ramani), have really helped me put together some pieces of the puzzle. By no means was I perfect in the relationship, I own that, but it’s disturbing how consistently you describe what it feels like I went through.

my mother is queen of the guessing game. My parents divorced and she swears my father was a monster but wont tell me what he did that was so bad. She cut her parents out and didnt go to their funerals, and wont tell anyone what they did. Her sister reached out to me to ask if my mom would be open to meeting, my mom said “she did things i wont get into.” My poor mom, she just seems to attract people who do such horrible things she wont tell anyone what they are.

actually you're literally speaking about my ex and she told me that she just sits look at the ceiling and plan what she's going to do and that she destroyed whole families before I've been in her loop for years without realizing it was her even though our relationship ended in 2020 her tactics are still in motion she made me cave in get away from the town that i work at get away from my field which is also her's and whenever i go to psychiatrist here in Egypt they act Hostile towards me

Just ended my relationship with my diagnosed BPD girlfriend. (I may add this is the second time.) it’s funny because after the first time I came and saw these videos and seemed to have gotten the fact that she in fact did a lot of these things. 4 months post breakup after no contact she wants to talk things out. And I fell for the trap . It’s dangerously sneaky and subtle you won’t even notice it. For anyone reading this, please save yourself the mental stress and grief by NOT giving the BPD/narcissist a second chance ESPECIALLY if they are not treated or refuse to do anything about their condition. My curious mind wanted to see how it would play out and give her the benefit of the doubt but the mask will always slip.

12 hours after you sent a text they almost certainly saw because they never put down their phone. You check your phone through out the day waiting for them to reply. You tell yourself they are just really busy. It's 1am and you're dead tired about to got to sleep. She finally texts you, "We don't talk anymore. Makes me sad." What!!?? Boggles the mind.

Oh my gosh, that’s so funny! The energy bubbles analogy! 😀

It's the same with governments, look at the abusive relationship most people have with them.

Even if you don't take the bait, they will still fly into a rage and be hostile, likely even more now that they see their tactics are less effective.

When I tried to talk about what's making me feel bad, no matter how gently I put it, my ex would blow up and say things like "It's all your fault! I don't want to see you/I'll send you home." leaving me rather confused and blaming myself for just being alive. After many years of tolerating such things, I tried to end the relationship because I don't enjoy being treated like this, he became so nasty and accuse me of betraying and abandoning him. When I tell him things he does was hurting me, he insisted that he would continue and I should accept it; that told me the answer: just give up! What nightmare. What was the nice person I met in the beginning?

Knock, knock Who’s there? Narcissist. Narcissist who? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Narcissist whoovered. 😃👍 (That’s a practical demonstration of another way they do it. They get your attention to Hoover you, but then they leave you hanging, in order to ghost you, and in order to get fuel out of you at your expense, and they laugh inside at your frustration. Pesky critters those narcs, but we’re onto them, thx Lisa for the heads up😃👍)

My ex narcissist would drop a bomb on me & then wouldn't tell me anything about it. So they'd tell me something horrible happened and because of that horrible thing that happened, they can't function and don't feel up to talking or hanging out. But whenever I'd ask what happened, they told me they were too upset to talk about it and I'd never find out what happened.

They know how you think and they prey on your guilt, they KNOW what you wish you could have done differently and make you feel like it's all your fault, just so you'll come back every time

Hey Lise, can you make a positive video about what it's like to live without narcissistic people in your world and what it's like to experience real love? Or something to reduce the becoming overly suspicious / cynicism we develop after relationships with narcissists?

You are covering an important issue without gender bias. In short, your channel is amazing!

Thank you for your videos Lise!

Congratulations with 75.000 subscribers. You deserve it. 🤗

Congrats Lise for 75 thousand subscribers

You have unique talent. Thanks, Lise.

You are so insightful!!!

One of the most informative videos yet.

SO many things hit home from this video!!

So much gratitude for you Lise, you've saved our sanity... 🙏🏼💗

Thank you for the info. Very helpful. You are appreciated.

One of the best videos I’ve seen on this subject!

A very comprehensive short video explained extremely well.

Your vids been helping me put everything in proper order, thank you so much! Got my Like as always 😎👍

THANK YOU, your videos saved my life

Exactly it really hard having to think/acknowledge the situation this video has helped me so much🌻🌻🌻

Thank you, Lise! You've earned every ounce of success because of your dedication to a very underrepresented demographic. So commendable, cheers!

Love your help. Very informative and awakening to this subject. ❤ Thank you

Fantastic video! Truth exposed!

You have opened my eyes after the recent trauma I have been through which has left me shattered and in shambles. Thank you. I shall be emailing you.

Congratulations, Lise ~I really enjoy your concise, practical insights, thank you! 🎆

I so enjoy listening to your videos, as it reminds me of all the head-games and petty criticism I finally escaped from. It keeps it all fresh in my mind (to watch out for) when interacting with people, moving forward. What an exhausting way to live!! If they only put an ounce of the effort that it takes…to pull all of this deception off…and (instead), do some work on themselves…attempting to stop this constant psychological charade, and see what living life as an authentic, up-front, honest person might feel like. Truly exasperating. They are their own worst enemies. Thank you for the lessons! Keep ‘‘em coming!

I watch a fair amount of videos on this topic; I am always amazed at your accuracy to my specific situation Lise. Much Obliged!

You're awesome Lise. Thank you so very much. 🙏💜🐈♐🌠

Congratulations, on 75,000....Subscribers.... Your work has taken me from the edge of insanity to a world that I can understand the pain inflicted by my Narc... She categorically fits every facet 4:12 described in your videos, as if you were standing right behind me to witness her torment.... Words cannot describe how much I appreciate your help.... Best regards RL

Certainly very valid information from an original source. Thank you

Congrats Lise! You deserve it 😊

Well deserved 🎉 We should be the ones thanking you! Your content is of exceptional quality. Unique is your way. Thank you!!

definitely easier said than done. Been through most of these at different times in my life. The damage that one sifts through over the years is a shame. Wish there was more info out about 40 years ago. Thank you for posting. Very informative

This was exactly what I went through. All 10. It was constant, never-ending, and energy sapping. I wish I saw this a year ago when i became entangled with my now ex. You have helped me so much with your videos. Thank you so so much ❤

This explained so much for me.

Everything you said in this video happened to me, everything I mean every point you spoke I got a taste of it sincerely speaking.allow me appreciate your good work my dear

I thoroughly enjoy all of Lise Leblanc's presentations. She is easy to listen to, presents clearly, and is very informative. Her material has been very helpful to me.

Just a splendid, clear and concise description...dead on balls accurate.. thank you so much for that. What a wonderful woman you are, such a pleasant surprise as well, thank you for making my day. ✌️❤️😁

Very useful information has been given. So nice of you ❤

Love your videos! Pls keep it up. One day ill share my story. Your helping me so much your saving my life. Amen to you lady! 🙏

Your videos are Harvard quality. Thank you for your wonderful professionalism and hard work shared here on KZfaq. You are a class act.

You Deserve It Lisa , Thanks for all your help, my life has changed so much in the last 2 months. you go Girl 💪🎉

We love you!❤