In some cases even once a month…

@@annab9994 and when there is no car... 🤣🤣🤣

@@xdxdxdxd4575 Brilliant observation!!!

That takes longer to do than doing dishes.

@@newman0311 Still though, if you add up a week's time of dishes and changing oil for lets say 2 vehicles. Dishes take longer. Also you're not changing the oil weekly, but you are doing dishes daily.

Which most people don't have

That's why it's "should" and not "could" :/

My ex "honestly" told me he's super loyal and wants marriage before our relationship began. By the end of our relationship, I found out he wanted many partners sooo so much, but he was in denial due to society judging him..😅 Dude made another girl cry after me too..

Another way around this would be to ask how their last relationship ends.

​@@ivrine96 This wouldn't work. An abusive person would say years because they kept their victim trapped. Someone who dated a cheater might have a short relationship because their partner was both bad at commitment and hiding it.

😂😂😂😂😂

Oh my goodness that’s so hilarious because it’s true.

I don't have a car, or a drive way... Do you really need to pressure wash a drive way and change the oil once a week? Sound more like twice a year chores or something...But idk.

@@Asa...S we don't have a car either, my man knows nothing about cars, can't even drive (I can). But my family had when I was young, but never ever saw my brother orb father fixing it. Since we have flat no need to mow or clean outside. And when I comment thoose things, men offended and say, "there are things also have to be fixed inside the house". And I'm like "what??? How recently?" 🤣

​@@Asa...Sthey're called "performative chores," in that they don't really need doing, but they mean you can avoid doing actual chores if you do them when other chores need doing.

Why is she still not your wife after 7 years tho?

@@alonalohman2947 Married for 2 yrs now

​@@alonalohman2947 I tend to joke with how at the 9 year mark you either wanna get married or literally never see each other again

​@@alonalohman2947 because they got together in First Grade...

​@@alonalohman2947maybe they don't believe in marriage? I do agree with your sentiment but ya never know what other peoples' prerogatives are

True. But people probably need to be friends first before dating. Romantic expectations tend to get in the way of telling the truth.

Seems like more of who they are than red flags.

@@positivevibe7684 Both can be true at the same time.

😂😂😂

Lay all them cards on the table. Know what you're getting urself into 👏

I agree 💯.

That's what I thought. Would have saved me years of failed relationships.

The purpose of moving slowly with emotional vulnerability is to be able to build up trust and connection with another person. It doesn't have to take months, but knowing that it's safe to be that level of honest with another person is an important hurdle to clear before engaging that degree of honesty. That said, I've found that the older I get, the better I am at determining whether it's safe to be that honest with someone much more quickly. 😂

@kilo3989 Same here!! With age comes a whole lot of wisdom. ❤️ You can build up what you think is trust but truly wasn't. They were in the "job interview" mentality long enough before they showed their true colors. I prefer to know who I'm dealing with early into the relationship. At my age and wisdom, it won't take long at all. I will have a pretty good idea on the first date. That's what working on the inner self will do. It heightens your gut instinct. 😊❤️❤️

He accepted her crazy, she didn't accept his.

I had that date last week XD

The more and more I see comments about neurodivergent the more I relate... I think I need to go get test lol

100% what I was thinking. Always up front. Spill the beans!!!

What is that?

Why the hell would I want a potential partner to not know these things about me, and live a life in constant fear they might find out or secretly hate it… tell them the problems up front, and what you’ve tried to do about them, and what you’re open to trying

nicely said! yeah there's a big difference between pretending and covering up what you're supposed to be doing and trying your hardest to do that thing and being honest about your failures and struggles. :)

People eat every day…

Truuue lmaoo

@@annab9994you’d be surprised at the level of squalor people can tolerate lol. Just have a sink full of dishes

@@annab9994 paper plates and freezer meals bby. Don't ever underestimate the level someone can drop to when they're depressed 😊

@@annab9994 reheating a frozen meal is barely a chore

AMEN ❤We BOTH Know WHAT is Expected of US 👍🏼♥️We’re Having Our 41st Anniversary in June😊

Wow thats amazing! how did you make it work? I genuinely want to know.

@blossomuk I guess I should start off from the beginning? I met my husband in college. First day, first class. The first person I met. Lol. Neither of us were actually supposed to take the course. It was an intro class, pointless. We became friends. I had a bf and didn't see him in a romantic way. He was the coolest guy there and known for 2 things, his incredible kindness and his incredible afro lol. Now I'm a weirdo and had a locker in college, and he saw that as an opportunity to hold my books for me and walk me to my locker after this class every MWF. I enjoyed our friendship, but it was short-lived. I didn't attend the spring semester and never had his number. In the meantime, I met my 2nd bf. I went back to school for a 2nd fall semester, and we were friends again. It would turn out that my 2nd bf would dump me right before winter break, and that's when my husband and I hung out for the first time. He would have parties at his house and take me places, but we weren't "dating." I had a crush on him, and he liked me, but I wasn't ready for a 3rd bf yet. By the end of winter break, we had hung out every day and only kissed maybe twice. One day, he would drop me off at my job, and I wouldn't see him again for years. He told me the reason we lost touch is because I didn't answer his 1 phone call and never called him back(I was at work when he called), so he got it in his head that I didn't like him anymore. I thought he didn't like me anymore either because of the lack of contact. Fast forward a few months, and I met my 1st husband. My future would be a baby and marriage at 21, a few months of separation at 23, and a full separation at 25. Fast forward another year or 2, and he would message me out of nowhere. We hung out that night until 5am. Closed the bar and went to a 24-hour dinner. It's the one in Silver Lining Playbook for a fun fact. Anyways, we knew instantly that we would be married one day and that this was it. Both of us had thought about each other as our "What ifs" and held a candle for one another. I told him I wasn't going to cook or clean for him because I had been little miss suszy homemaker for my last husband, and well, let's just say, I had PTSD from that marriage. He said that was perfect for him because he loves doing those chores. I told him I can get clingy. He replied with he liked clingy. He told me that he can get angry but only for about 5 minutes, and then he calms down. I told him that I was used to anger for days, so I could definitely handle 5 minutes. After this date, we hung out every day, which would lead to moving in with me. We waited months to be intimate and for him to meet my son. And we've been together since. I will say, we had a year of problems where we separated in the same house (3 or 4 years ago), but ended up getting back together and are stronger than ever. We had a daughter and named her Hendrix in 17 and got married in 18. Life is a dream being married to my best friend. He's the best dad and husband a woman could ask for!

@@maddyfarraj-realtor2084 Thank you very much for your wondeful love story, sister! I am so glad for your guardian angels and higher selves keeping those candles lit for each other in your hearts and listening to your hearts. : )

That only works if they both are being honest! Later you could find out he didn’t tell you everything.

Ahaha!!!! I like when they want to prove, how nice they are. Huuuuge red flag!!!

I think red flags, are different than having human faults. But, his only being committed to things that only take effort weekly/monthly/quarterly is a red flag.

I actually dated someone who said this once and I laughed in his face, first date and last date hahaha

​​​@@anomalousoddity Wise choice. I would have done the same. 😂This is absolutely unacceptable for anyone to not clean up after themselves in equal and shared proportions. My current partner made fun of me for the way I have folded washing since I was a child. He told me, "you are not doing it correctly." (It was my first time doing our washing in a shared capacity years ago) And I said, "Oh, is that so?" And he said, "Yes, it is so." And I said, "Alright then, show me how it's done then." And so he did. He said, "See, now that is how it should be done." And I was like, "Well since you're so unsatisfied with the way I fold washing, you have just proven how capable you are, you are doing it for the both of us from this point onwards. Congratulations 👏🏼"🤣🤣🤣🤣 and he paused and you could see the, "Damnit! I just walked into that!" Look on his face. 5 years on, I only chuck all the washing in the washing machine and dryer and dump it on the counter in the laundry for him to fold unapologetically 😂 and so he does. 50/50 in equal and shared proportions. 😂

@@strawberrykatnz brilliantly played sister I take my hat off to you

And yet they still ignore it.

But then again, you shall not be that straightforward and tell everything about yourself to a complete STRANGER.

I am. It doesn’t go far. 😂

@@laurameloy275 Hahaha

​@@laurameloy275 Me to honey... Me too...😂

Ditto 😆 I love being brutally honest with everyone.. it is natural selection so I only get the men that I actually want...and now my soulmate is exactly as I am 🔥🦄💖

@@user-wv3tg7wi6j Personnaly I am too honest too. By honest I mean that I show my whole personnality with my flaws (especially if I want to create a connection with someone) to the next person without hiding It. I hate the flirting phase where everyone is trying to show the best version of themselves so I prefer being honest from the start. And yeah, some guys dont like It🤣🤣🤣

Radical honesty man. It’s best to let people know who you are up front (good and bad) so that no time is wasted

He is your dependent child. Find a grown up, they fk better too 😉

@@AuntyNick. Whoa.

Pressure washing is fun. Dishes are not fun.

I'm cutting my grass 3-4 days a week from now to labor day, or else I get fines from the city

I spend more time cutting the grass than all my other chores combined

Lololol 😅😅deep dive. I don't blame you.

same im so comftorable every where i go

Yes, exactly 💯

My exs jeep hit 125k miles and I worked on that damn thing every other week for 2 months. Legit spark plugs, breaks and calipers, passanger side knuckle, fule pump, rear sub frame, crank shaft sensor, ball joints all the way round. transmission and power stearing flush.

And also mow the grass and fix things in the house. I like fix things in the house, I like to build Ikea furnitures, my husband has no clue how to do it. I painted the rooms, built the table, changed the toilet seat. It is fun for me actually, but we don't buy a furniture/wc seat every day, nor want to paint the rooms or so... And I also like mowing the grass I find relaxing (we don't have a garden, so no need to do it).

It's not a strong argument when one person works and the other doesn't

TBH, Marvel movies have started some pretty hot debates in my household!😅

The point here is that they're not toxic people. There's a difference between toxic people and toxic traits.

@@susanmercurio1060 rephrasing to ”people who display unhealthy communication and behaviours”, to cover all cases

​@d0v3Tai1you just described my bf in detail, as if you knew him... The worst part is that he thinks he's the greatest and wants to do a podcast/open a school (basically influence other people) to teach them "the right way" (basically to be like him).

Sometimes toxic people know they are toxic and don't care

No one would tell you they’re a narcissist or an abuser sadly 😐😊

@evakurl No, they wouldn't. But they will show you which is even better. Sadly, a lot of us ignore the red flags in the beginning phase of dating. I'm speaking from experience.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

That's a nice idea!

Come to my house🤩

Sometimes it is choosing acceptance over resentment and finding other solutions. We pay someone else to clean the house every 2 weeks. I cook, clean up, and load the dishwasher. (He knows how to feed himself if I don't feel like cooking and is appreciative when I cook.) Kitchen is mine. Laundry is also mine. Taking care of 2 cats is also mine. I take care of paying the bills...mostly auto pay. (All joint accounts). He takes care of landscaping, washing cars and misc. I take the cars in for the oil changes and arrange for home maintenance. I am retired. He is still working full time. This works for us.

Modern slavery and contempt from men who mistake their woman for their mother.

After 22 yrs, mine decided to finally help out with dishes, but in his own way! I run the kitchen like a machine, dishes are done every evening so I wake up to a clean and tidy kitchen. Now that he's "helping" dishes are done every 3rd evening, so there's always dirty dishes in the sink!! It's driving me insane, how is this helping? I oftentimes need one or two of the dirty pots to cook the next meal, it's infuriating!

​@@blueberriesrfine5538 My husband and I have nowhere near the same length of relationship as you and yours, but one thing that works for us is when there are dirty pots/pans I initially wanted to use I use it as an opportunity to get creative. Or sometimes I ask him to wash the one or two things I need to cook in exchange for cooking for him. I typically do chores while he's at work, so when we have off days sometimes we have things in the sink that I need for cooking so this way it takes a little bit of the mental burden off of me and makes it easier for me to cook. It's honestly such a small thing but I really appreciate him for it.

@@blueberriesrfine5538 Possibly weaponized incompetence. Then you'll stop asking right?

But men want to manipulate women

why not. you learn each others triggers

​@@rue_777wut

you had kids with him 🤷🏽‍♀️

"Always starts arguments just because "

That's what they say, but something toxic enough is probably going to end it, anyway. Might as well get it out there first and see who don't mind.

People who are subconsciously matching a childhood relationship where they were not loved and accepted. To them it's a turn off if you are loving and accepting. The old daddy-issues stereotype who likes bad boys.

A number of reasons. Maybe it's simply an ego thing where they feel validated that they could "get" someone they feel attracted to to like them back but were never actually interested in the person. Maybe they are attracted to emotionally distant people because that's how the dynamic was with their parents so they are primed to get overly affectionate and "earn" love because they feel that is normal but when the other person genuinely reciprocates those feeling sit feels unfamiliar and scary. Maybe they are genuinely self loathing and feel a compulsion to show the other person they are worthy of love but get suspicious when the other person believes them (ties into that second one). They also mentioned that sometimes they are just "in a fighting mood" so it's possible they have had relationships in the past where they mistook the emotional roller coasters of instability as passion, so they find a relationship where things aren't emotionally intense as "boring" or "not real love". They are more interested in the adrenaline of toxicity or emotional insecurity than in genuine intimacy. Lots of reasons

people who get 'super into' others have a habit of craving affection because they never got said affection early in life. Deep down, they feel the reason for this lack of return of interest is because they are unlikeable. So when interest is returned, they think 'what, you actually like me??? but there's nothing to like about me except how badly I _want_ you to like me' and then get turned off, because they think you're stupid to be interested. It's kinda messed up and really sad

there's no easy fix for 'seeking approval'. It requires genuinely investing time and patience into yourself, finding hobbies and loving yourself- which can be pretty hard to do all alone. someone suitably detached from you but who will also push you towards healthy pursuits like a therapist will help for severe cases if people can't take the first step themselves.

How about a tgeraly? Because all problems come from your childhood, and need to dig in.

Avoidant are like that

Yes true but at least you wouldnt have double the work

At this point in my life, even with a decent partner, that still sounds way better. Things get done on my own time, my way with no b*llsh*t way for someone else to insist on.

@d0v3Tai1 but do they expect you to clean up their messes? And if they do is that okay with you? Being in a relationship does not mean that you are the maid or the mother

I've had boyfriends that leave trash in my car like use my car and leave trash in it so yeah I do expect them to pick up their trash same thing in the bedroom if they're leaving a mess in a shared bedroom I expect them to clean it up

Exactly 💯. Most of the first dates are like a job interview. Putting on your "Poker Face". 😅😂

Maybe u have adhd

​@@changrey1116lol how is this an idicator of having ADHD

@@changrey1116 no one has ADD because it's not a real diagnosis.

@@annabethsmith-kingsley2079 But someone has minus?

@@changrey1116 what does that mean?

Same thing happened to me

Lol this is so funny but I feel it.

I've never started for this reason. I'm nearly 25 Every time I started to consider a relationship...I see red flags and think to myself "wait a sec...maybe don't jump in here" and it usually fell apart pretty soon after. What're your toxic traits?

whats hard about it lol

you just tell them

Really???