When I was thinking, "Hmmmm... I think I actually AM gay," but wasn't sure, a good (very straight) friend said, "Straight women don't sit around wondering if they're straight or not." So whether that means you're bi (or pan) or gay, that's the part of the spectrum to explore... but you're probably not straight if you're wondering about. That helped a lot!

It took me a long time to be honest with myself that I did actually want to kiss/ be intimate with a woman. What was easier to admit was that I felt nothing being intimate with a man and it was never something I would genuinely seek out and crave/ want. It turns out that straight women do genuinely desire to be intimate with a man!

I'm married with a son. When I got married I thought I could just keep my attraction to women contained. I thought I could just live my life without ever acknowledging it or pursuing it. All I've ended up doing is trapping myself and inducing despair and chaos. Just months ago I thought I could just exist this way for the sake of my son but I dont think its possible. I'm terrified of the absolute hurricane I would cause if I came out.

Thank you for also bringing up the same questions about men. People often skip that part. Sometimes it’s easier to find out what your orientation leans towards, by realizing what you DON’T like.

It took me sooo long to figure out my sexuality, because I don't feel sexually attracted to any gender and so I thought I go with the default: straight. Now I'm 28 and know that I'm asexual, but still want to have a relationship with a woman. We need to talk more about stuff like this when growing up!

I’ve known I was bi since I was 16, but am trying to decide between heavily woman-leaning bi or late bloomer lesbian at 30. I’m constantly demoralized by friends and family members “oh, you just haven’t met the RIGHT man, all your relationships have been assholes.” I’d like to find community support on that topic. Yes, I know there are better men out there, I haven’t lost hope on that but I don’t want to pursue a sexual relationship with a man and am highly skeptical of trying out another hetero romantic relationship. People just won’t take that at face value and it’s so frustrating. I just have zero desire to get cozy with a man again.

Oh amazing I’ve been thinking this all week!

Totally love this and i needed this

I needed this video, you have no idea how hard the last 2 weeks have been after separation but you have just settled everything in 5 minutes. Thank you so much x

I feel sometimes like my orientation almost changes on the daily, it’s like a rollercoaster of attraction 🤪 geez, everyone looks good

Is it fair to say though that someone who was questioning their sexuality might find the idea of intimacy with a woman scary, or even gross? But then realise when they have that experience that they do actually love it? Just a thought because someone thinking that certain parts of sex with a woman might be gross, may not necessarily indicate that’s not what they’d be into?

That was really helpful. 🙏

Emily, Great stuff... Seven years amicably divorced from my late-life Lesbian wife epiphany... and we have two kiddos. Although I’ve kinda figured this all out over the past seven years. Enjoy your perspective! Clay

I’ve been bi-sexual since grade school. Had a few petting experiences during that time. Only have had sex with one woman over the past 40 years ( our last escapade 3 months ago). Not that I didn’t want to but you know how society is/was. I’ve been married for 27 years. He knows Ive had interest but not to the extent I feel within myself. I truly think if I’d have met the right woman...I just never put myself out there. Now at 61...I think of women all the time.

I was in my mid-30's before I finally came to grips with the fact that I was gay. I had fooled around with other men a few times throughout my life and just figured I was bi, but only dated and pursued women due to social pressures/concerns. I've dated several women but all of those relationships only lasted a few months. I never enjoyed having sex with women because it just felt dull and unexciting (no offense ladies!), yet if I had sex with another man, it was exhilarating and satisfying. One felt right, the other didn't. Hey, I can't say I didn't try! lmao

Omg! I so needed this! 🌈👭

Good Question!!!!

I’ve had this fear myself. That even if in my head it’s great, I’ll not like the real thing. However, asexuality is totally valid too.

Wow this was eye opening. My sexuality is fluid and I’ve never been with a woman. But I am attracted to a particular woman and if it feels right I’m going after it. There shouldn’t be any labels, I just want to feel and give my next partner all the best of me. It’s a process.... 😘😘😘

i was looking around your room cause it looked nice and our doors look the exact same

Great video and no I have no problem pursuing a relationship with a woman always have fantasized the idea so hopefully sooner than latter will find that special woman keep on keeping on stay safe and healthy 👍👍👍👍🌈🌈

Great video. I know 💯 % I am gay. As nothing freaks me about about being with a women. Even the things my straight friends think is icky 😂 And I have felt this way since I was a kid, when I didn’t know what it was exactly. When you know you just know.

Thank you so much for posting this! I have been having this question. I know for a fact that I am Lesbian. It is hard and scary for me. Thank you!

This is something I definitely needed to hear, was engaged at 20 left at 22, dated 2 other men after and each time I kept thinking of WOMEN or wishing they were women, came out at 28 and now at 30 I'm with a women and its a whole new world and it feels normal. I identify as Pan but women are gorgeous 😍. It was very hard to fully accept myself after I fully came out due to having INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA due to how our SOCIETY IS BUILT. BUT I Am TRUELY HAPPY 😊

So grateful for your channel. ❤️🌈

For me, the s**ual stuff was never the issue...I just thought I was bi. It wasn't until I had a female roommate that I realized the life-ing with a woman is what is most appealing to me. I would date men then freak out and break up with them but knowing why or thinking they were the problem but it just kept happening until I realized that I want a whole life with a woman. My view of happily ever after totally changed! ❤️🥰

I came out in my 20s, as bi, had no issues with family or friends accepting me. I have dated men & women openly since coming out, but ultimately married a man, that knows that I am sexually attracted to women. In my heart I know that I am a lesbian, but struggled with accepting that myself, which is why I would date men. I holding out hope that I can convince my husband, one day, to let me have a girlfriend 🤞🏾But he can't 😜

Is there a community chat or something for people who have been in this situation? I'm just worried about being judged because I was married for 9 years, and I'm trying to figure out if I'm gay or fluid bi

Emily, I appreciate your candor and the thoughtful perspective you brought to a delicate topic, but here is my question: nowhere in your analysis did you bring up the subject of love. Is it really all about sexual, physical preferences? Do individuals not fall in love with other individuals, and sex is then the vehicle by which it is expressed? Is the attraction not to the person?

I’m Pan/Bi and sometimes I catch myself questioning if I just like being with woman 🤷🏻‍♀️

I dated a married woman, I think she’s bi because now she has a boyfriend, so that is also possible and it’s ok! I think the important is to be happy ❤️

Im so gay!!!

Some of my confusion comes from thinking I’m only carnally attracted to women but not emotionally. I know that aromantic lesbian is a title I could use, but I don’t know if Ide want to pursue a relationship with a woman that isn’t romantic. 🤷🏻‍♀️ so confusing

I’ve been gay long before I realized it.

Hiya Emily yes i do ive relized iam bi i love fantasies about men as well as women, trans too x 💕

Ha! When I was 14 years old, I had a conversation with my best friend: Me: Hey, what does 'lesbian' mean? A: It's a girl who loves girl. Me: ... Me: So, what if I am a lesbian? A: Pff.. You are not. I thought: How can you know that, when even I am questioning? We have known each other for 12 years. Now I know, I definitely was in deep love with her. I've been thinking a lot about it, but always racionalized. And here I am, 22 yo and all my "there is something wrong with me" clicked, when I started educating myself about all "not-straight" possibilities.

My GF came to me to explore her sapphic side. 30 minutes with me started a chain of events for her to file for divorce. Like she cracked the seal on her attraction to a women and the flood gates opened. How she feels about me she never thought was possible. Her soon to be ex husband drops comments about when the honeymoon period is over, she will want to go back to him. I feel bad for him, not understanding the magnetism when the right person comes along. I hope he finds it one day too.

I never really had girlfriend or had there experience ect

what's funny is your test at 1:30 is also applicable to men as well. Just replace woman with man and you're asking the same questions. Idk if you've ever had guy friends come out to you but the lame line of questions applies too if you ever need to ask those questions lol

👍🏻👍🏻🌈🌈🌈🌻🌻🌻💖💖 I know it's confusing but I think either you are or you're not eventually that's the answer I agree with you 100%

I am 26 and am coming to terms with being gay BUT the idea of having sex with a woman scares the daylights out of me, in the same way that I felt before I had sex with a man, but like times 10. I think I am scared that at my age no one will want to date me because I'm inexperienced and because I have been with men, that I will be shit in bed and no one will want to take the time to like teach me, should I teach myself. I don't watch porn of any kind its just never appealed to me, so I don't know if I should watch lesbian porn for tips or if I should just wait for a patient partner, if Ishould be straight forward with my concerns, I am definitely way over thinking it but I feel weird for not being excited by the prospect of having sex with a woman. Is that something you struggled with when coming to terms with your sexuality or am I just not sexually attracted to women or men haha.

I absolutely love your direct approach to ask yourself if you truly are gay, but I have a slightly different view on that though. If you do find yourself questioning your sexuality after the fact then most likely this is more proof/a sign that you are not straight. This is exactly why I hate putting labels on anything especially sexuality (& even gender orientation). Plus being bi/gay still falls under the amazing rainbow (no pun intended) spectrum of the cliche label of LGBTQ+.

I don't want to do any of that to male/female yet i have questioned my sexuality since my early teens (i'm 41!) I have had sex with one guy, and thought it was wrong, but i don't want to do that with a woman either! :/ , I rarely fancy anyone, and if i do its usually guys, but occasionally woman. I've found out about Asexuality, and i think is what i am, its makes allot of sense!.

What do you mean by missing the safety and security?

how do you feel about lesbians that turn bisexual?

Like in this lady story. She came out and a late in life. And her husband should’ve looked at her and said go for it. And tell her to be happy. But what did he gain he got to meet somebody new probably younger more attractive. It’s like he got his cake and eat it to look at it that way. Because newer is better than an older any day. It was no big loss for him or anybody going through it. once they say that that’s what they want. Let them go it’s really not a big loss.

hello nice video

Wait but how did you realized? How did you felt having s*x with your husband or being touched by him? Sorry for the questions, is just I feel uncomfortable by being intimate with a man and I have to force myself to imagine it/ do it.

Has anyone you know left their male partners to be with a woman, but discovered they’re in fact Bi, not gay? Thanks for talking to me via Instagram btw :)

Im a Lesbian woman

I'm a 44 year old married father with 2 kids. I've been married to my wife for 15 years. I told her I was bi last year but I'm sure I'm 90% gay and she now knows that. This has been the worst time of my life the emotional rollercoaster and the flip flopping on what I think my orientation is, is completely unbearable. I don't even want to be alive anymore I can't imagine my life without my wife and kids all together with me. It's going to happen because my wife wants to " make me happy" but I don't want to be gay. I'm too late for this change. I just hope I don't wake up one morning.

my family know Im gay I told my family my coming out as Lesbian

Thank you! I'm 25, still in the closet to my family (and most people) and very unhappy :/ I need support

Hello. Me was the one time here in the themes "I am a Lesbian..?"... Theme... "Telepathy... (incl. "Woman - Man. the differences)" And.. - The Lesbians in the this destiny (lesbians)... After the time, when somebody is the more adult..:) O.K. :) ANY GIRL CAN... The dumbest case in telepaty is the this one... that when people wants to be "by the good healing"... They do appears there, where a place is ready them in the case of the their Death... Such place can be 1 trill nr. in age nr. a Triton an example... Sits Musi (in the roots - Israel Dashia... 1 trill. nr. i ag nr. is as age of the oldest...). And... She do wants to get a cosmic baby from the other planet... A good the day, because their egg is in the absolute quality... It shows a tremmor ("finger - for self" like) of the small finger on the right hand (in the "another" way - is an impression ... does like the right tumb finger's dirrecting to the own stomach sometimes)... And she do know perfectly (nah.. "it is a civilization IN SUCH AGE..!") - that ...this the question is the very simple even... > What do will do she..? "This the my tremor let's be the man's... His "sperm" is a top quality (to me it is funny view like the this one, when a sperm smw - it is a path on the hers forehead... And she do keeps the hand like is should be - "a destiny is a big tree" (principle... "yes" - she is ready for the big such hers the kids geneology...). THE FUNNIES THING IS THE THIS ONE... Musi do not know the terms in the another planet ("the genitals..." "sperm" etc.). AND IT IS SIMPLER THEN... Is a man with the very sudden situation, when the head do not woks for the speaking. In his head works Musi's mind only "nah.. smartly..." (it is the all dictionary...)

I agree with this video in general but I think not all lesbians do every possible sexual activity. So that's a consideration as well.

Im a Lesbian

I wish I could be this open about being a gay guy it's embarrassing, being a quee.

How do you know if your bisexual or lesbian??

Hello hey cool

I’m 53 and feel it is too late to come out.

okay so you know how you asked that question? My mind immediately drifted and I had trouble following the rest of the video. I THINK I MIGHT BE GAY AND IN DENIAL AF BECAUSE I'M STILL SAYING "MIGHT BE" FOR WHATEVER FUCKING REASON.

I have a Lesbian fantasy

I am newbe lesbians

Sometimes the grass is greener... I could imagine if a woman who met a woman when they were young hit it off and had a great marriage with her wife might at some point find a man she finds attractive and have an "itch" that if she suppresses could come out in an unhealthy manner. If the relationship faltered (which all relationships have conflict) she might say to herself "wait am I straight? is this part of the problem in my marriage?" She then starts dating men, and gets into a relationship with one and it is good but one day walking down the street she spots a woman... :) This doesn't mean you should act on all your itches but you shouldn't suppress them. Also we like who we like, if your a lesbian it doesn't mean you are attracted to all women,

I watch Lesbian movies

I dated someone that came out and then went back running to the hubby. Initially, she was excited until she realized what it meant to be “gay” in society. Never spoke to her again.

Im a homosexual

Lesbians should be proud of being gay

You are bi. Straight persons do not need to try all variants.

Don't feel like I can marry a girl anymore, lol. After 10 years you just checked out on your husband with whom you had children? Love was fake? Seriously?

Emily what famous women do you think are hot that you would love to hook up with as a fantasy?

Of couse a women gay if she likes women into women